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Season 1, Episode 3 — Introduction to Film

[♪♪♪]

#1

⇓

Hey, man.

#2

⇓

My name is Jeff.

#3

⇓

I'm trying to lock down

#4

⇓

my schedule

#5

⇓

before the deadline.

#6

⇓

I heard this class

#7

⇓

was a cakewalk.

#8

⇓

Are you passing it?

#9

⇓

Yeah, he's awesome.

#11

⇓

[WHISPERS]

#12

⇓

So far so good.

#13

⇓

Death, so called,

#14

⇓

Is a thing

#15

⇓

That makes men weep,

#16

⇓

And yet a third of life

#17

⇓

Is spent in sleep.

#18

⇓

Open your text books

#19

⇓

to page 37.

#20

⇓

Now, close them

#21

⇓

and throw them away.

#22

⇓

Throw it away.

#23

⇓

Ha-ha-ha!

#24

⇓

Throw it away.

#25

⇓

For those who are new,

#26

⇓

the motto of this class,

#27

⇓

carpe diem, seize the day,

#28

⇓

no tests, no papers.

#29

⇓

You want an A?

#30

⇓

Live in the moment.

#31

⇓

Jackpot.

#32

⇓

Take off your shoes.

#33

⇓

Take off your shoes.

#34

⇓

Take your shoes off,

#35

⇓

throw them away.

#36

⇓

Throw them over there.

#37

⇓

Today we learn to walk.

#38

⇓

That mole is raised

#43

⇓

and dark,

#44

⇓

it's not a good combo.

#45

⇓

Yes, I'm new.

#47

⇓

Ha-ha-ha! I like it!

#51

⇓

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

#53

⇓

Voice command.

#56

⇓

[BEEPS]

#60

⇓

[CLEARS THROAT]

#61

⇓

[BEEPS]

#63

⇓

Would you please use

#64

⇓

the buttons?

#65

⇓

Okay, grandpa.

#66

⇓

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]

#67

⇓

Achoo!

#68

⇓

[BOTH GIGGLE]

#70

⇓

You guys, I found it.

#72

⇓

Professor Whitman,

#74

⇓

he thinks

#75

⇓

There's no tests,

#77

⇓

there's no work,

#78

⇓

it's just day seizing.

#79

⇓

The deadline to enroll

#80

⇓

is tomorrow.

#81

⇓

I suggest you all do it.

#82

⇓

Well, some of us are here

#83

⇓

to actually learn things.

#84

⇓

Abed?

#88

⇓

Not a fan. In every movie,

#89

⇓

No, are you going

#93

⇓

to take the class?

#94

⇓

So your dad has your whole

#103

⇓

life planned out for you?

#104

⇓

Are you even

#105

⇓

interested in falafel?

#106

⇓

Western propaganda

#110

⇓

He should see Aladdin,

#113

⇓

Jafar was a badass.

#114

⇓

TROY: He was.

#116

⇓

Abed, how much

#117

⇓

does a film class cost?

#118

⇓

Jeff?

#121

⇓

Britta.

#122

⇓

Isn't Abed's dad

#123

⇓

a hardcore Muslim?

#124

⇓

They're not as understanding

#125

⇓

as Christians.

#126

⇓

with a salami sword.

#128

⇓

Is that racist?

#132

⇓

Pierce will beat

#133

⇓

that in one minute.

#134

⇓

ABED:

#135

⇓

BOTH:

#139

⇓

Aw.

#140

⇓

You guys, are we going

#141

⇓

to study Spanish,

#142

⇓

or keep getting involved

#143

⇓

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]

#145

⇓

Achoo!

#146

⇓

Hey, Troy sneezes

#147

⇓

like a girl.

#148

⇓

How about I pound you

#149

⇓

like a boy?

#150

⇓

She's not?

#155

⇓

Twenty-nine seconds.

#157

⇓

PLAYING]

#159

⇓

♪ Give me some more

#160

⇓

Time in a dream ♪

#161

⇓

♪ Give me the hope

#162

⇓

To run out of steam ♪

#163

⇓

♪ Somebody said

#164

⇓

It can be here ♪

#165

⇓

♪ We could be roped up

#166

⇓

Tied up dead in a year ♪

#167

⇓

♪ I can't count the reasons

#168

⇓

I should stay ♪

#169

⇓

♪ One by one they all

#170

⇓

Just fade away ♪

#171

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#172

⇓

What's your name?

#173

⇓

Shirley Bennett.

#174

⇓

Oh.

#176

⇓

...if you can tell me

#177

⇓

WHITMAN: Shirley?

#181

⇓

Because I wasted 15 years

#190

⇓

of my life

#191

⇓

on a man who left me

#192

⇓

and a foggy memory

#194

⇓

of two bland orgasms.

#195

⇓

And now it's time to get

#196

⇓

what's mine.

#197

⇓

Day seized.

#198

⇓

[ALL CLAPPING]

#199

⇓

Only when we stop stopping

#201

⇓

our lives

#202

⇓

can we begin

#203

⇓

to start starting them.

#204

⇓

Ms. Edison here,

#205

⇓

for example,

#206

⇓

would rather write about

#207

⇓

what happens to other people

#208

⇓

than live

#209

⇓

what is happening to her.

#210

⇓

I thought

#211

⇓

Well, here's

#213

⇓

a quiz for you.

#214

⇓

Why did the pretty

#215

⇓

young girl die alone,

#216

⇓

surrounded

#217

⇓

by sweater-wearing cats

#218

⇓

who were trained

#219

⇓

to use human toilets?

#220

⇓

Get up on your desk.

#221

⇓

Come on, stand on your desk.

#222

⇓

Up on your desk.

#223

⇓

She made it. Ha-ha!

#224

⇓

Everyone,

#225

⇓

stand on your desks.

#226

⇓

Up, up, up. Come on.

#227

⇓

Rise, rise,

#228

⇓

Well, why not?

#232

⇓

[ALL GASP]

#233

⇓

Oh, what happened? My--

#234

⇓

seize the day.

#236

⇓

about, uh,

#240

⇓

Oh!

#242

⇓

WHITMAN:

#243

⇓

Your homework. Ah.

#244

⇓

and tell 10 people

#246

⇓

that you love them.

#247

⇓

Mr. Winger,

#248

⇓

may I have a word, please?

#249

⇓

SHIRLEY:

#250

⇓

Are you okay?

#251

⇓

Oh. Oh, maybe,

#252

⇓

I'm not.

#253

⇓

Hi, Mr. Winger,

#254

⇓

that passes through

#256

⇓

this class is changed.

#257

⇓

But there's always

#258

⇓

one cocky opportunist

#259

⇓

who's just here to coast

#260

⇓

and grab an easy A.

#261

⇓

Oh, yeah.

#262

⇓

His name is Pierce,

#263

⇓

I can talk to him for you.

#264

⇓

It's actually you,

#265

⇓

Mr. Winger.

#266

⇓

You have no intention

#267

⇓

of seizing the day.

#268

⇓

I-- I love you.

#272

⇓

Not that I need the grade

#274

⇓

or even want it.

#275

⇓

for the semester.

#282

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#283

⇓

This is no way

#284

⇓

to teach accounting.

#285

⇓

JEFF:

#286

⇓

I have to plan in advance

#287

⇓

to drop or add.

#293

⇓

for you to cheat here.

#295

⇓

Ah! Hey, how's it going?

#296

⇓

That is so wonderful.

#303

⇓

Some people don't like

#304

⇓

getting involved

#305

⇓

in others' lives.

#306

⇓

I think it's great.

#307

⇓

Hey, if you're making

#308

⇓

a documentary

#309

⇓

about Britta

#310

⇓

patting herself on the back,

#311

⇓

you're gonna need

#312

⇓

a backup battery.

#313

⇓

That is brilliant.

#315

⇓

How did he react to you

#316

⇓

Here he comes.

#319

⇓

in my family's business?

#321

⇓

Holy war.

#322

⇓

I'm Mr. Britta.

#324

⇓

That's right,

#325

⇓

I'm a woman with rights.

#326

⇓

Oh, I get it, because

#328

⇓

I love women.

#331

⇓

vibe from you.

#333

⇓

Raising him means

#340

⇓

letting him follow dreams.

#341

⇓

You don't know that.

#343

⇓

So is polio.

#345

⇓

You lost me.

#346

⇓

Abed wants to study film.

#347

⇓

He says we're leaving.

#350

⇓

Tell him you wanna stay

#351

⇓

and study film.

#352

⇓

I don't think

#353

⇓

I'm really in the scene.

#354

⇓

See? It's hard to talk

#355

⇓

to him before.

#356

⇓

Hey. Hey.

#359

⇓

Don't touch me.

#360

⇓

Shut up. Stop.

#362

⇓

Sir, you have a right

#363

⇓

to your faith

#364

⇓

and your family's privacy

#365

⇓

Yeah.

#369

⇓

Fine.

#371

⇓

You want to raise him?

#372

⇓

You raise him, I'm out.

#373

⇓

I had a father like you.

#375

⇓

And the day

#376

⇓

I finally cut myself loose

#377

⇓

is the day

#378

⇓

That went well.

#380

⇓

to my film.

#382

⇓

Jeff, I think you should play

#383

⇓

the role of my father.

#384

⇓

It's perfect.

#386

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#388

⇓

Why are you dressed

#389

⇓

like an '80s rapist?

#390

⇓

Professor Whitman

#391

⇓

celebrating life.

#394

⇓

I am calculating Abed's

#396

⇓

expenses for this semester.

#397

⇓

There's books, there's meals,

#398

⇓

he's renting that camera.

#399

⇓

He needs

#400

⇓

a little spending money.

#401

⇓

Um, all money

#402

⇓

is spending money.

#403

⇓

Oh, Britta, it's amazing

#404

⇓

what you're doing for Abed.

#405

⇓

I mean, a lot of people

#406

⇓

talk a good game.

#407

⇓

But you, you follow through.

#408

⇓

I love you.

#409

⇓

Shirley, thank you.

#410

⇓

Bet that doesn't happen

#411

⇓

to you a lot.

#412

⇓

Hillary, thank you

#415

⇓

for getting people coffee.

#416

⇓

I love you.

#417

⇓

Good, my film

#420

⇓

is coming together.

#421

⇓

Cool tie, Jeff.

#422

⇓

Are you wearing that

#423

⇓

because you're playing

#424

⇓

the role of my dad,

#425

⇓

Definitely Christmas.

#427

⇓

but it lets me adjust

#430

⇓

really specific settings

#431

⇓

or think about.

#433

⇓

Hi, I would like a latte,

#434

⇓

and Jeff,

#435

⇓

let me get you something.

#436

⇓

Oh, come on, I got you.

#438

⇓

You're insulting me.

#441

⇓

Look at all this cash.

#442

⇓

black coffee.

#444

⇓

Boo. An ordinary coffee

#445

⇓

for an ordinary life.

#446

⇓

Good morning,

#447

⇓

Professor Whitman.

#448

⇓

Sorry, Mr. Winger,

#449

⇓

these won't cut it.

#450

⇓

A birthday cake.

#453

⇓

[SNEEZES

#454

⇓

IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]

#455

⇓

[CROWD LAUGHING]

#456

⇓

I've seen men

#457

⇓

I can help you

#465

⇓

with your image.

#466

⇓

you look like

#468

⇓

When I was a CEO,

#472

⇓

I had an array

#473

⇓

shock-the-room-

#477

⇓

into-silence sneeze.

#478

⇓

[SNIFFS]

#480

⇓

you know.

#482

⇓

[PANTING]

#483

⇓

You know,

#484

⇓

Tell me more.

#493

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#494

⇓

It's show time.

#495

⇓

JEFF:

#496

⇓

Good morning, sir.

#498

⇓

Good morning, Greendale.

#499

⇓

Hi, good morning.

#500

⇓

Watch the kite. Uh-oh.

#501

⇓

Thanks, you guys,

#504

⇓

that was really fun.

#507

⇓

of these girls,

#509

⇓

unwittingly creepy.

#510

⇓

Damn it.

#511

⇓

Beat it. Professor.

#512

⇓

Will you look

#513

⇓

Had I not already cried

#517

⇓

at the sunrise this morning,

#518

⇓

I would be weeping

#519

⇓

right now.

#520

⇓

What do you mean, Jeff?

#522

⇓

What does your life mean?

#523

⇓

How long does it take you

#524

⇓

in the morning

#525

⇓

to make it look like

#526

⇓

you have bed-head?

#527

⇓

How many sweatpants-

#528

⇓

sports jacket combos

#529

⇓

did you try before you found

#530

⇓

the one that said,

#531

⇓

"I don't care?"

#532

⇓

Seize the day, Jeff.

#533

⇓

For real.

#534

⇓

Go running naked

#535

⇓

in a hail storm.

#536

⇓

Kiss a girl

#537

⇓

in the middle of the day.

#538

⇓

Fly a kite,

#539

⇓

but do it for yourself.

#540

⇓

Or you won't just fail

#541

⇓

my class,

#542

⇓

you'll fail life.

#543

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#544

⇓

Thank you.

#545

⇓

Drop the flower.

#548

⇓

about Abed.

#550

⇓

Ask him.

#555

⇓

the role of his mother.

#560

⇓

Abed is not normal.

#561

⇓

That's what you bought

#562

⇓

when you intentionally

#563

⇓

tangled yourself in his life.

#564

⇓

I've got problems of my own.

#567

⇓

I'm out here trying

#568

⇓

to seize a day.

#569

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#570

⇓

Thanks for the pizza, Abed,

#573

⇓

I was starving.

#574

⇓

Yeah, it's nice,

#575

⇓

like a picnic.

#576

⇓

Or a family dinner.

#577

⇓

[BRITTA CLEARS THROAT]

#582

⇓

So, Abed.

#583

⇓

Good.

#585

⇓

Not really.

#589

⇓

Your movie is for class.

#595

⇓

La-la-la.

#597

⇓

I got that.

#599

⇓

No, you don't got it.

#600

⇓

I got it, Abed.

#601

⇓

I got everything.

#602

⇓

All I want to do

#604

⇓

is take care of you.

#605

⇓

I know you're not stupid,

#606

⇓

Why won't you answer me?

#608

⇓

This is the scene

#609

⇓

where you leave.

#610

⇓

Britta.

#612

⇓

What do you think, Dad?

#613

⇓

Abed.

#615

⇓

And I think

#616

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#618

⇓

Perfect. That's a wrap.

#619

⇓

[DOOR OPENS]

#621

⇓

Hey.

#623

⇓

for Ravi Shankar, do you?

#625

⇓

I lied to get you here

#626

⇓

because it's time

#627

⇓

to communicate.

#628

⇓

Communicate?

#629

⇓

Have you met Abed?

#630

⇓

Hey, wait a minute.

#633

⇓

They're coming.

#635

⇓

Now, the only reason

#636

⇓

is because both of you

#638

⇓

wanted the best for Abed.

#639

⇓

And I think the lesson

#640

⇓

is that everyone

#642

⇓

should always do

#643

⇓

whatever they want,

#644

⇓

and leave each other

#645

⇓

out of it.

#646

⇓

Is that your take?

#647

⇓

Let me give you mine.

#648

⇓

You and your

#649

⇓

pillow-lipped girlfriend

#650

⇓

when you found out

#655

⇓

and guided missiles.

#657

⇓

Interesting. I hadn't seen

#658

⇓

the Iraq metaphor.

#659

⇓

about your speeches

#661

⇓

Got it.

#663

⇓

is sorry, right?

#665

⇓

Crap.

#667

⇓

Abed may not be

#668

⇓

a great filmmaker

#669

⇓

but that doesn't mean

#670

⇓

You need to let him

#672

⇓

make his own decisions.

#673

⇓

You have no--

#677

⇓

Dad.

#681

⇓

[MUSIC PLAYS

#682

⇓

OVER COMPUTER]

#683

⇓

[CHILDREN GIGGLING]

#684

⇓

[BABY CRIES]

#687

⇓

Hey, look. I need to talk

#690

⇓

to you about Abed.

#691

⇓

JEFF:

#692

⇓

He's not normal.

#693

⇓

[BABY CRYING]

#694

⇓

BRITTA:

#695

⇓

What is wrong with you?

#696

⇓

All I want to do

#697

⇓

is take care of you.

#698

⇓

Why will you not answer me?

#699

⇓

[HORSE NEIGHS]

#700

⇓

[BEEPING]

#701

⇓

[EKG FLATLINING]

#702

⇓

ABED:

#703

⇓

What do you think, Dad?

#704

⇓

JEFF:

#705

⇓

And I think

#707

⇓

the wrong person just left.

#708

⇓

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS

#709

⇓

OVER COMPUTER]

#710

⇓

[ABED'S DAD SOBS]

#712

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#713

⇓

[IN ARABIC]

#714

⇓

I feel a little out

#716

⇓

of the loop here.

#717

⇓

be understood,

#723

⇓

[MOUTHS WORDS]

#725

⇓

[MOUTHING]

#726

⇓

I made all this happen.

#727

⇓

Yeah?

#730

⇓

Did you do all of that to me

#731

⇓

on purpose?

#732

⇓

That's not a very nice way

#733

⇓

to treat your friends.

#734

⇓

Well, Britta,

#735

⇓

it isn't called

#736

⇓

friend business,

#737

⇓

it's called show business.

#738

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#741

⇓

Get your hand off

#742

⇓

of my knee.

#743

⇓

[SNEEZES LOUDLY]

#744

⇓

God-- God bless you.

#745

⇓

Thank you.

#747

⇓

getting involved,

#750

⇓

well, I owe you.

#751

⇓

You owe me?

#752

⇓

That can not be

#753

⇓

comfortable for you.

#754

⇓

Hey, um--

#755

⇓

You should kiss me right now.

#756

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#757

⇓

Day seized!

#758

⇓

[WHITMAN LAUGHS]

#760

⇓

A plus, Winger.

#761

⇓

when I see one. Wowee!

#763

⇓

[LAUGHING]

#764

⇓

Yeah.

#765

⇓

Fooled you.

#766

⇓

[♪♪♪]

#767

⇓

Am I krumping?

#768

⇓

No.

#769

⇓

No.

#771

⇓

No.

#773

⇓

[HIP-HOP MUSIC

#775

⇓

PLAYING ON STEREO]

#776

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No, you're not.

#778

⇓

Hit it!

#779

⇓

♪ Bang, bang, bang

#780

⇓

Bang, bang, bang ♪

#781

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