Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S16E01 — The Gang Inflates

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 16, Episode 1 — The Gang Inflates

Did you ever see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

#1

⇓

No.

#2

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The cartoon was excellent, and the movies

#3

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were even, like, more well-refined.

#4

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Look at the price of these suckers.

#5

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Never saw it?

#6

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What are you guys looking at?

#7

⇓

Oh, uh, new couches. We got rid of the old one,

#8

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- but the prices are insane. - Yeah, it's nuts, man.

#9

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I think we should just rent like we did the last time, you know?

#10

⇓

Wait, you rented your sofa?

#11

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Yeah, I mean, all we did was pay the interest.

#12

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How much was the interest?

#13

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Oh, it was nothing. It was like 25 bucks

#14

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- a week. - Yeah. - How long did you have it?

#15

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- 15 years, bro. - About 15 years, yeah.

#16

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You spent close to $20,000 on a couch you never owned.

#17

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- Twenty thou... - No.

#18

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- Where are you getting that from? - No.

#19

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52 weeks a year, $25 a week.

#20

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15 years.

#21

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$19,500.

#22

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That seems high.

#23

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That's pretty bad business, fellas.

#24

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I don't understand why prices are so high right now.

#25

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- Inflation. - Yeah.

#26

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- Right, yeah. - Oh, well, right.

#27

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- Inflation, yeah. - I mean, because of the inflation.

#28

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You guys do understand what inflation is, right?

#29

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Inflation? Yeah, yes, absolutely.

#30

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- Yeah. - Yeah. For the sake of argument...

#31

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- Yeah. - pretend we don't.

#32

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Inflation is when the price of goods and services go up.

#33

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Whoop.

#34

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- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah.

#35

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Eh?

#36

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Frank, oh, thank God.

#37

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Hey, I'm being evicted. The-the landlord,

#38

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he jacked up my rent and I can't pay.

#39

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Now, listen, I have glued my hand to the door,

#40

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so they can't physically remove me.

#41

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Just a second, Deandra.

#42

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See, inflation happens when

#43

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there's more demand than there is supply.

#44

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You want me to, you want me

#46

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- to walk 'em through it? - Charlie.

#47

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Yeah, you shut up, Charlie. You don't understand any of it.

#48

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That's not true. Dude, I've learned a lot about business

#49

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living with Frank. You know, I know stuff.

#50

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Also, speaking of, I got an investment idea

#51

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- that I'd love to pitch you guys if I-if I--

#52

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Paddy's.

#53

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Do not hang up on--

#54

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Charlie, we don't want to hear it. Frank, keep going.

#55

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Well, you see, the government tries to curb inflation

#56

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by raising interest rates,

#57

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so that people borrow less and spend less.

#58

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Okay, so if prices are going up, can we get a raise?

#59

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- No, well, you see,

#60

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if I raise your wages,

#61

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- then you'd have more money. - Yeah.

#62

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And that, in this case, is not good.

#63

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You know, it would increase inflation.

#65

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- Yeah? - And we don't want that

#66

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- to increase, right? - No.

#67

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So maybe what we would

#68

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need to do is lower our wages. I get it.

#69

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But that would cause a recession.

#70

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Yeah.

#71

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Which could lead to a depression.

#72

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- So you can't. - You can't do that.

#73

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- Right. - Or a raise.

#76

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- Mm-mm, mm-mm. - Mm-mm, no.

#77

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That's money talk.

#78

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Yeah, that's money talk right there.

#79

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Basically, it boils down to your nut, right?

#80

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Like, how much, like, nut do you go through a month, right?

#81

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- Are you storing up your nut or are you just blowing through it? - Exactly.

#82

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- Like, okay, um, how much nut

#83

⇓

do you guys blow through in a month?

#84

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- A ton. - I don't want to talk to you about--

#85

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Yeah, I figured you were, man.

#86

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hang on to some of that nut. Otherwise it's all gone.

#88

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But that's the screwy thing about it.

#89

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- Money isn't as valuable as it always was.

#90

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- It's totally different. - And money's not as valuable, right?

#91

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How can the value of money be different?

#92

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Money is money.

#93

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- No, a buck is not worth a buck. - No, no.

#94

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- No, no, it's worth 25 cents right now. - There, yeah.

#95

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- A dollar is worth 25 cents? - Yeah.

#96

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Yeah, but I'll give you 50 cents for a buck.

#97

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Hey.

#98

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Uh, I think that sounds like a good deal.

#99

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- Yeah?

#100

⇓

Huh?

#101

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Frank, you got to wire me money!

#102

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They-- They're unscrewing my--

#103

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Okay, you know what? I only have a ten.

#104

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I'll give you a five.

#105

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That's money talk.

#106

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- Let's go. - Nice, nice, yeah.

#107

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- Deal. - Deal.

#108

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Uh, Mac, you know, I'm-I'm

#109

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crunching the numbers over here, and I'm-I'm

#110

⇓

getting a little concerned about our nut.

#111

⇓

How much money are you spending

#112

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on these Dwayne Johnson energy drinks?

#113

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Quite a bit. I basically live on them now.

#114

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Maybe you could cut back a little bit.

#115

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I mean, you don't have to buy everything

#116

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The Rock tries to sell you, you know.

#117

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Interesting. What am I looking at here?

#118

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Come. Have a seat.

#119

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- Oh. - Oh, shit.

#120

⇓

- An inflatable couch? - Yeah.

#121

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It was super cheap, dude.

#122

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Now, this is just a temporary option

#123

⇓

until we make enough nut

#124

⇓

for us to afford an actual couch.

#125

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- Right. - But it will lower our monthly nut

#126

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because we're not renting this bad boy.

#127

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Dennis, we own it.

#128

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- Oh. - And speaking of nuts,

#129

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I also purchased these.

#130

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Okay, went, went real literal with it, didn't you?

#131

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Yeah, yeah.

#132

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- Fancy Nuts. - These are very fancy.

#133

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- Are they? Three dollars? - Yeah, yeah, only-only three dollars.

#134

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Now, we could live on these bad boys for weeks.

#135

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Mm-hmm. Well, listen,

#136

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I don't really have any interest

#137

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in your, uh, bulk tin

#138

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of low-end economy nuts,

#139

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but I am finding this couch idea

#140

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to be pretty interesting,

#141

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and it's giving me another idea

#142

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of how we could possibly

#143

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"inflate" things a little further.

#144

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Oh, well, you can't inflate this any further

#145

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'cause it'll pop.

#146

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Just a figure of speech.

#147

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No, trust me, I-I tried.

#148

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I-I already popped two of them earlier today.

#149

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- Did you? - Yeah.

#150

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- Okay. - I just kept blowing and blowing and blowing,

#151

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and just-- boom.

#152

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Okay, all right, well, that's okay.

#153

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You really shouldn't, it's dangerous.

#154

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- I understand what you're saying. - Okay.

#155

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I'm serious, Dennis. Don't blow this up.

#156

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I'm not going to do it.

#157

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I get what you're saying. It's very clear.

#158

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Okay.

#159

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Charlie.

#160

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Check this out, a new lamp.

#161

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It looks like an old lamp, but listen--

#162

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- It's a new lamp. - What's with the lamps, man?

#163

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You keep coming back with all this junk.

#164

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- That's like the fifth lamp you've brought back. - Don't worry about it.

#165

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- Where you want to put it? - I don't know, stick it in

#166

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the storage closet or something.

#167

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- Like... - Oh, storage, yeah.

#168

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Frank, can I talk to you a second

#169

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about this investment idea I got?

#170

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- Like, 'cause this is-- this-- - Oh, whoa.

#171

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Ah, this-- this place is packed.

#172

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Right, yeah. Don't make a mess. Like, listen, Frank,

#173

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this could be, like, huge, man,

#174

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because I've been tracking this thing.

#175

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It's this, like, like, Internet money kind of situation, right?

#176

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Wha-What, crypto? I'm not into crypto.

#177

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Well, it'd be a lot less cryptic

#178

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if I could show you the video. There's a video that--

#179

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Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What-What's this?

#180

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Is that a toilet?

#181

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Uh... yeah.

#182

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You mean to tell me we've been living here all this time,

#183

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and you never told me we had a bathroom?

#184

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It's really, like, noisy.

#185

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It runs all the time. It's not a good one.

#186

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We piss in cans, Charlie.

#187

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You can always go number two down the hall,

#188

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and, like, it's a good system.

#189

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What else are you hiding from me?

#190

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Nothing, Frank.

#191

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I'm trying to talk to you about business.

#192

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What's behind that door?

#193

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That's the neighbor's door. That's why it's all--

#194

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- Hold this. Hold this lamp. - Stop, Frank.

#195

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Listen, man, I don't want to have to be

#196

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constantly cleaning toilets and-- Aw, shit.

#197

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- Holy shit. - Yeah, yeah.

#198

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What the fuck is this?

#199

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- Yeah, okay. - Is this a bedroom?

#200

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Um, I mean...

#201

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Charlie, you mean we've been living

#202

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in a two-bedroom with a bathroom,

#203

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and you never said anything about it?

#204

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Look, all right, look, I wasn't trying to be crypto about it,

#205

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it's just, like, Frank, I just never liked

#206

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sleeping in a room with an empty room behind me.

#207

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You got to understand that, right? It's creepy.

#208

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You're supposed to sleep in here.

#209

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- Yeah, but I just-- I n--

#210

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Great, now someone's at the door.

#211

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I'm gonna have to walk a mile to get it.

#212

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This is why you don't want all this space, Frank.

#213

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- Yes, I'm coming, I'm coming.

#214

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All right. Jesus.

#215

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I need a place to stay. Let me talk to Frank.

#216

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- What's on your hand? - It's a piece of a door.

#217

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- Move past it. Frank! - He can't hear you,

#218

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he's in the other room, okay?

#219

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What? What other room?

#220

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Frank! Dee's here!

#221

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I mean, I'm gonna have to get, like, an intercom

#222

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on the wall or something.

#223

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- It's just totally nuts. - What? What is going on over here?

#224

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, just--

#225

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- Holy shit, Charlie. - Yeah.

#226

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This is tits. Why don't you use this room?

#227

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I like to keep my life simple.

#228

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I don't want to live in a maze, you know?

#229

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No. I don't know. Can I sleep in here?

#230

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Absolutely not. Don't think about that.

#231

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- Someone's at the door again.

#232

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Okay? I'm gonna have to walk another mile.

#233

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This is crazy. I mean, I'm gonna have to get a butler.

#234

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- What? - Where's Frank?

#236

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- Why? - We don't have to tell you our business.

#237

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Fine, whatever. He's in the other room.

#238

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What other room?

#239

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The other room over there, man.

#240

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That's where he is.

#241

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You have another room here?

#242

⇓

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got another room.

#243

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I mean, we're gonna blow our shoes out

#245

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with all this walking, man.

#246

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Holy shit.

#247

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- What the hell? - I mean, Charlie,

#248

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have you always had this?

#249

⇓

Yeah, it's not a big deal.

#250

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How is this not a big deal?

#251

⇓

Wait, so you truly have no reason

#252

⇓

to be sleeping with Frank.

#253

⇓

Move past it, dude. Move past it, man.

#254

⇓

I will move past it

#255

⇓

because I really, ultimately, don't give a shit.

#256

⇓

Frank, listen,

#257

⇓

we have an incredible business opportunity

#258

⇓

we want to talk to you about.

#259

⇓

All right, well, let's talk turkey.

#260

⇓

What, you're gonna listen to their idea over mine, dude?

#261

⇓

L-Look, the two of you, get out of here.

#262

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I need the office. Get out.

#263

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Oh, now it's an office? It's an office now?

#264

⇓

Oh, that's great. I mean, are we even zoned for that?

#265

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- I'll come back tonight.

#266

⇓

- Yeah, so, uh, what do you think, Frank?

#267

⇓

Good, good. It's got a nice squeak to it.

#268

⇓

Yeah, it does have a nice squeak to it, doesn't it?

#269

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Hey, uh, Mac, you almost done with that one over there, bud?

#270

⇓

Yeah, just finishing up. And I am

#271

⇓

good.

#272

⇓

That's a lot of blowing.

#273

⇓

Now, Frank,

#274

⇓

would you like to start this meeting off

#275

⇓

with a Fancy Nut?

#276

⇓

What happened to your lips?

#277

⇓

Huh?

#278

⇓

What happened to your lips?

#279

⇓

Oh, this mu-- must be from the plastic.

#280

⇓

It's, uh, it's probably from all the blowing.

#281

⇓

- Blowing.

#282

⇓

The pla-- the plastic on these

#283

⇓

is a little bit irritating.

#284

⇓

It's not the pla-- No, that's not what it is.

#285

⇓

That's not what it is.

#286

⇓

That is rancid.

#287

⇓

Did you g-- Did you get a bad one?

#288

⇓

Well, they're all bad. Do not eat them.

#289

⇓

Okay? Either of you.

#290

⇓

Now, Frank, as we all know,

#291

⇓

we're living in a time of inflation.

#292

⇓

But...

#293

⇓

is inflation such a bad thing?

#294

⇓

Or are things

#295

⇓

better inflated?

#296

⇓

Take it.

#297

⇓

Take a look at that lookbook there.

#298

⇓

Turn to the first page, you'll see, uh...

#299

⇓

Hello.

#300

⇓

Yeah.

#301

⇓

Kim Kardashian's backside, the early years.

#302

⇓

Now, if you turn to the next page...

#303

⇓

- Oh. - Yeah.

#304

⇓

- Ooh. Ooh. - Yes. Yes.

#305

⇓

As the years have gone by,

#306

⇓

her backside has gotten bigger and bigger. It's inflated.

#307

⇓

I think what you'll find

#308

⇓

most interesting is that the Kardashians' net worth

#309

⇓

has inflated in direct proportion to their booties.

#310

⇓

What did he say?

#311

⇓

I'm saying that the Kardashians'

#312

⇓

- No, no, Mac, Mac, please. - backsides...

#313

⇓

Just let me.

#314

⇓

Let me, okay? Okay, uh, Frank,

#315

⇓

we would like for you to, um,

#316

⇓

inject some capital into our inflatable furniture...

#317

⇓

I'm in. Yeah.

#318

⇓

You-- Oh, really?

#320

⇓

You-you don't need to hear the whole pitch?

#321

⇓

Nah, I'll give you the money,

#322

⇓

but it's a loan, and you got to pay me back with interest.

#323

⇓

- Oh, we like interest. That's great. - Yeah, no problem.

#324

⇓

And I want to keep the furniture for the room.

#325

⇓

You want to keep this? Yeah, sure.

#326

⇓

And I want to keep the book for...

#327

⇓

other reasons.

#328

⇓

Yeah, we-we-we figured

#329

⇓

- you'd want to... - Oh, okay, yeah, you're gonna...

#330

⇓

It's crazy. I can be, like, a good businessman.

#331

⇓

You know, I don't know why he doesn't take me seriously.

#332

⇓

It's like, do you have any idea how much time

#333

⇓

I've spent, like, tracking and researching the price

#334

⇓

- of this online currency? - That's got to be maddening.

#335

⇓

Did you glue your hand to my door?

#336

⇓

- Yeah, I did. - Why?

#337

⇓

Well, it's a new form of protest, Charlie.

#338

⇓

People are doing it to, you know,

#339

⇓

call attention to injustices or some shit.

#340

⇓

I don't know. Either way, I'm locked in.

#341

⇓

Uh, boom.

#342

⇓

Just like that, we are in business.

#343

⇓

He went with your idea?

#344

⇓

Of course he did, Charlie,

#345

⇓

we are savvy businessmen.

#346

⇓

What's going on with Mac's lips?

#347

⇓

I-I don't know, they're insane. It's-it's...

#348

⇓

I think a little bit of the plastic is, uh, just--

#349

⇓

Probably from all the blowing he's been doing.

#350

⇓

He's been making homophobic jokes for the--

#351

⇓

Not homophobic.

#352

⇓

Uh, FYI,

#353

⇓

Frank, uh, does not want to be bothered

#354

⇓

in there for a little bit, you know,

#355

⇓

he's-he's... Well, you know.

#356

⇓

- He's jacking off into a magazine. - Right.

#357

⇓

Aw.

#358

⇓

Oh.

#359

⇓

Look, Charlie, I can tell you're mad.

#360

⇓

Well, it's just like, I don't get it, man.

#361

⇓

It's like, why do you believe in Mac and Dennis over me?

#362

⇓

Look, Charlie, I'm not investing in them

#363

⇓

because I believe in them.

#364

⇓

I'm investing in them because I don't believe in them.

#365

⇓

They're gonna be paying me money for the rest of their lives,

#366

⇓

like that stupid couch.

#367

⇓

- Well, then you're just, like, being a predator. - Exactly.

#368

⇓

Well, it's not a compliment, Frank.

#369

⇓

You know what?

#370

⇓

I can't deal with this.

#371

⇓

I'm going to go sleep in the other bedroom, all right?

#372

⇓

What? And just leave me here, all alone?

#373

⇓

Yes, yes.

#374

⇓

I'm still here, goddamn it.

#375

⇓

Charlie, can you please unglue me?

#376

⇓

I got to go to the new bathroom.

#377

⇓

No, Dee, you did this to yourself.

#378

⇓

I will glue a pillow to the wall, though.

#379

⇓

- I don't want to be a bad host. - Oh, yeah?

#380

⇓

You know what, man? This was a mistake.

#381

⇓

I-I can't sleep.

#382

⇓

Oh, yeah, yeah.

#383

⇓

You're upset and concerned

#384

⇓

that we got rid of our furniture too soon.

#385

⇓

Nope, that's not it.

#386

⇓

Is it the business plan?

#387

⇓

You're afraid it's not gonna work?

#388

⇓

That's also not it.

#389

⇓

- Then what? - It's your goddamn wheezing.

#390

⇓

Am I wheezing?

#391

⇓

Are you wheezing? You sound insane.

#392

⇓

Are you allergic to those nuts?

#393

⇓

No. It's not the nuts.

#394

⇓

I-- It's-- I, uh-- I think it's from blowing up those--

#395

⇓

No. Okay, also, I feel

#396

⇓

like I'm sleeping in a tub of nuts here, man.

#397

⇓

- Can you stop eating them in bed?

#398

⇓

- It's Charlie! Open up-- oh. - Oh, Charlie's here.

#399

⇓

- Stop eating the nuts. - It's unlocked.

#400

⇓

You should lock your door.

#401

⇓

Look, I need a place to stay.

#402

⇓

- We don't have - He's-he's--

#404

⇓

any room.

#405

⇓

He's saying we don't have any room.

#406

⇓

But, uh, well, hey, I can, I can blow up my own bed

#407

⇓

and I can deflate it in the morning.

#408

⇓

I'll inflate it, I'll deflate it.

#409

⇓

It'll be like I was never here.

#410

⇓

Plus, I brought my own nuts.

#411

⇓

Are they fancy?

#412

⇓

What? What-what is he saying?

#413

⇓

Are they Fancy Nuts?

#414

⇓

He wants to know if they're fancy.

#415

⇓

Well, some are, yeah. It's an assortment.

#416

⇓

Consider it an offering.

#417

⇓

Of war?

#418

⇓

Of peace. What is going on with you, dude?

#419

⇓

He's allergic to nuts, okay? I think he's gonna die.

#420

⇓

I'm not allergic to nuts.

#421

⇓

The point is, Charlie, we can't swing it.

#422

⇓

Well, I have information about Frank

#423

⇓

that you guys might like to hear for your business.

#424

⇓

Okay.

#426

⇓

Here's how this works.

#427

⇓

Cut me in on your operation,

#428

⇓

and I'll give you the information.

#429

⇓

See? I am a pretty good businessman after all.

#430

⇓

Okay, Charlie, you're just trying to bribe us,

#431

⇓

and bartering with nuts that you probably foraged from a tree.

#432

⇓

Mmm, some are from a tree, yes.

#433

⇓

A fancy tree?

#434

⇓

One of the fanciest, Mac.

#435

⇓

Which one?

#436

⇓

You ever have a pine nut?

#437

⇓

Fine.

#439

⇓

But first I want you guys to hear about my business idea.

#440

⇓

No. You can stay here one night, okay?

#441

⇓

But I don't want to hear your goddamn business idea

#442

⇓

'cause I don't care. Now tell us the Frank thing.

#443

⇓

Fine.

#444

⇓

Frank only lent you guys the money

#445

⇓

'cause he thinks you're gonna fail.

#446

⇓

In fact, he wants you to fail.

#447

⇓

See, he's what you would call a predatory lender,

#448

⇓

and he's simply taking advantage of you guys.

#449

⇓

- Son of a bi-- Son of-- - Okay, okay.

#450

⇓

- All right, stop-stop talking. - Son of a bitch.

#451

⇓

- Just stop-stop talking. I get it. - Frank.

#452

⇓

This is a classic inflation-interest play.

#453

⇓

But I'll tell you something,

#454

⇓

Frank's not the only one

#455

⇓

who can be a predatory lender.

#456

⇓

I say we pivot.

#457

⇓

I say we don't sell people these inflatables.

#458

⇓

We rent them to them.

#459

⇓

Well... he's hanging on.

#460

⇓

Doesn't sound like it.

#461

⇓

Ow, ow.

#462

⇓

Rise and shine, Dee.

#463

⇓

- What time is it? - It's 4:00 in the morning.

#464

⇓

We got to go. We got work to do.

#465

⇓

Just grab anything small.

#466

⇓

Lamps are good 'cause they're easy to run with.

#467

⇓

Hold on a second. Are we robbing this place?

#468

⇓

- Huh? - Hey!

#469

⇓

What the hell are you doing?

#470

⇓

You haven't paid your rent

#471

⇓

in three months, you deadbeat.

#472

⇓

You can't come in here and take my shit.

#473

⇓

Oh, you want it back? Well, then pay your rent.

#474

⇓

I'm getting my gun.

#475

⇓

Go for it, bitch! We got bulletproof vests on!

#476

⇓

Oh, no, I don't. I don't have a bulletproof vest.

#477

⇓

Relax, these guys are always bluffing. Grab stuff.

#478

⇓

Frank, no. What is happening? You're a slumlord now?

#479

⇓

Yes, I collect on these guys,

#480

⇓

and if they don't pay,

#481

⇓

I throw 'em out on the street, like I did you.

#482

⇓

What? You're my landlord?

#483

⇓

Yeah, I got tired of paying your rent all those years,

#484

⇓

so I bought the building.

#485

⇓

Why did you raise the rent?

#486

⇓

Inflation. I got to increase my nut.

#487

⇓

- Goddamn it. - Oh, he's hot.

#488

⇓

Oh, shit.

#489

⇓

Relax, they never shoot.

#490

⇓

Ah, time to go.

#491

⇓

Pay your rent, you deadbeat.

#492

⇓

Dennis, it's, like, a little too windy.

#493

⇓

I feel like we got to weigh all this stuff down, man.

#494

⇓

Nah, it's fine, it's fine.

#495

⇓

Also, I got to talk to you about this Internet money, dude,

#496

⇓

because this guy does not know what he's sitting on, man.

#497

⇓

- He's a chump, dude, it's-- - Charlie, Charlie.

#498

⇓

Stop trying to talk business, all right?

#499

⇓

- It's just not your strong suit, all right? - Yeah, yeah. Okay.

#500

⇓

Oh, here comes a customer. Here, let me do the talking.

#501

⇓

Hi, sir. Hi, how are you today?

#502

⇓

It's a lovely day, isn't it?

#503

⇓

- A little windy. - A little breezy, yeah.

#504

⇓

Yeah, a little breezy. But, uh, anyway,

#505

⇓

are you here to buy some furniture?

#506

⇓

Yes, I am.

#507

⇓

- Okay, great. - Good, good.

#508

⇓

Hey, listen, what if I told you

#509

⇓

you could get your furniture for free?

#510

⇓

Yeah, see, times are very inflatable right now, okay?

#511

⇓

Yeah, stop, stop.

#512

⇓

Have you ever considered owning an inflatable couch?

#513

⇓

Oh, yeah, I don't have a pool, so...

#514

⇓

- A pool? - Yeah, for the...

#515

⇓

- Oh, no, no, no, I see, I see the confusion. - Oh-oh.

#516

⇓

- No, we're talking about for inside. - Yeah, inside your house.

#517

⇓

Oh. What?

#518

⇓

- Like, how much do you currently rent your couch for? - Yeah.

#519

⇓

I-I don't rent my couch.

#520

⇓

What?

#521

⇓

You pay full price for your couch?

#522

⇓

That's outrageous.

#523

⇓

- Goddamn it. - Yeah.

#525

⇓

I'm telling you, man, you have got to go to the hospital.

#526

⇓

Oh, and spend the remainder of our nut on medical bills?

#527

⇓

I don't think so, Dennis.

#528

⇓

I'll simply stop blowing up the furniture.

#529

⇓

It is not the furniture, Mac. Okay? It is the nuts.

#530

⇓

Dee, what the hell are you doing here?

#531

⇓

Guys, I have information

#532

⇓

that will change the course of your company,

#533

⇓

and I will tell you what it is if you let me stay here.

#534

⇓

Yeah, no, Charlie already tried that shit.

#535

⇓

- I did that move, yeah. - Yeah.

#536

⇓

He, he did this.

#537

⇓

Yeah. Uh, Dee, why are you gluing your hand to the wall?

#538

⇓

Yeah, guys, please,

#540

⇓

I have a solution to all of our problems,

#541

⇓

but you got to let me talk, okay?

#542

⇓

Now, you guys are all completely over-leveraged,

#543

⇓

and that's the problem, right? My investment,

#544

⇓

this thing was only, like, ten dollars a unit,

#545

⇓

then it, like, dropped down to basically nothing,

#546

⇓

because it's a speculative market, right?

#547

⇓

I'm making a bet that the SEC's not gonna regulate.

#548

⇓

Of course, regulation's gonna come in at some point,

#549

⇓

it always does, but right now it's completely unregulated.

#550

⇓

Now, I'm not talking about getting out over our skis,

#551

⇓

I'm just talking about making an investment tonight,

#552

⇓

turn it around tomorrow-- we'll net double.

#553

⇓

Holy shit.

#554

⇓

- That's money talk. - Where did you learn to talk like that?

#556

⇓

Living with Frank, man. I've been trying to tell you

#557

⇓

that I'm picking up on this stuff. So, look, guys,

#558

⇓

let's pool all of our remaining nut together

#559

⇓

and turn it into a big pile of green,

#560

⇓

and then everybody gets a taste.

#561

⇓

Okay, I didn't love the sound of that, but, uh...

#562

⇓

Was it unclear? I was talking about, like,

#563

⇓

a huge pile of green, like, and everyone is, like,

#564

⇓

- Money talk? - slurping that shit down.

#565

⇓

Let's do it.

#566

⇓

- I've got a lot of questions. - Yeah, me, too.

#568

⇓

Sure, sure. Go ahead.

#569

⇓

Now, Charlie, did you take...

#570

⇓

all of my money...

#571

⇓

- Mm-hmm. - and invest it in a box

#572

⇓

full of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies?

#573

⇓

Yes. Very good, Dennis. Very good.

#574

⇓

I wasn't sure you knew what they are.

#575

⇓

Yeah, so these are, like, from 1991.

#576

⇓

These are the original ones, right?

#577

⇓

Super hard to find, super valuable, super rare.

#578

⇓

- Are they? - Oh, dude, big time. Right? So, here's what I'm thinking.

#579

⇓

Could we turn these around tonight

#580

⇓

and make a little profit? Sure, but I say

#581

⇓

we sit on them. Maybe we eat one or two.

#582

⇓

This is exactly what I was worried about.

#583

⇓

Well, you're not thinking big picture here.

#584

⇓

- No, I'm thinking big pic-- - All right, loan's due.

#585

⇓

First installment.

#586

⇓

And I'm armed

#587

⇓

and I got a vest, so don't try nothing.

#588

⇓

What do you got there?

#589

⇓

1991's delicious cream-filled

#590

⇓

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies,

#591

⇓

fresh from the sewers to me.

#592

⇓

Are they made from real turtle?

#593

⇓

Probably.

#594

⇓

How much you want for 'em?

#595

⇓

They're not for sale, Frank.

#596

⇓

Uh, mine... mine are for sale.

#597

⇓

I own some of those, and mine are definitely for sale.

#598

⇓

He has a very minimal share, Frank.

#599

⇓

Ah.

#600

⇓

Market dictates the value, Charlie.

#601

⇓

Well...

#602

⇓

not when your demand is more than

#603

⇓

the supply.

#604

⇓

Fine, I'll get 'em somewhere else.

#605

⇓

Will you?

#606

⇓

Oh, I don't think so, Frank.

#607

⇓

Oh... uh-oh.

#608

⇓

'Cause I bought the last remaining ones there are.

#609

⇓

No...

#610

⇓

Nice work.

#611

⇓

And you kept it crypto.

#612

⇓

You should have listened to me, Frank.

#613

⇓

Fine.

#614

⇓

Name your price.

#615

⇓

Board up that new room and the noisy toilet,

#616

⇓

forgive Mac and Dennis's loan,

#617

⇓

give Dee her apartment back,

#618

⇓

and return everything to the status quo.

#619

⇓

That's too big a ask.

#620

⇓

That's inflation, Frank.

#621

⇓

You want the pies or not?

#622

⇓

Fine. Done.

#623

⇓

Good work, Charlie.

#624

⇓

Thank you very much, Frank.

#625

⇓

I appreciate it.

#626

⇓

Are you still eating the nuts?

#627

⇓

Hmm?

#628

⇓

Does he want to get to the hospital or to Costco?

#629

⇓

Costco, yeah.

#631

⇓

You know what, buddy? I think we'll take you

#632

⇓

to the hospital, and they'll have nuts, and you can...

#633

⇓

you can die there.

#634

⇓