Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S16E02 — Frank Shoots Every Member of the Gang

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 16, Episode 2 — Frank Shoots Every Member of the Gang

Frank, would you like another buttered nipple?

#1

⇓

No. The cream is making me gassy.

#2

⇓

- Yeah, well, you have had four of them. - Yeah.

#3

⇓

- You know, we could order you

#4

⇓

something that's a little bit easier on the pipes.

#5

⇓

This is your annual

#7

⇓

"take me out and see if you can talk me into

#8

⇓

giving you more of my money."

#9

⇓

- Oh, stop. - Uh-- Is he talking to us?

#10

⇓

- Give me money. - We would never.

#11

⇓

Yeah.

#13

⇓

Oh.

#14

⇓

- Yeah, get that. - What you working on there, bud?

#15

⇓

I brought my own can of anchovies

#16

⇓

because the fish in this place is not salty enough.

#17

⇓

- Mm, that's... - I agree.

#18

⇓

Yeah, no, I-I hear you.

#20

⇓

It's, uh, it's not salty enough.

#21

⇓

I want to point something out here to you, Frank.

#22

⇓

I think we do a pretty good job

#23

⇓

of pretending like you're not an animal.

#24

⇓

Is that thing loaded, by the way?

#25

⇓

Nah, it's not loaded.

#26

⇓

- And get off my back,

#27

⇓

huh?

#28

⇓

- Hey. Absolutely. - Yup.

#29

⇓

You got it.

#30

⇓

Got no intention to be

#31

⇓

- riding on your back, pal. - No.

#32

⇓

We like you just the way you are.

#33

⇓

- Mm. Mm-hmm. - And I think that, you know,

#34

⇓

maybe, just possibly, that entitles us to a little taste

#35

⇓

- of your fortune after you die? - Oh.

#36

⇓

- You know what I mean? I-I... - Oh.

#37

⇓

I want to tell you something,

#38

⇓

I am not intending on dying anytime soon,

#39

⇓

so don't waste your breath.

#40

⇓

- You know what? Screw this.

#41

⇓

- Okay. - I-- Dee, I told you this was a mistake.

#42

⇓

- No, I know, I know. - I-- You know what? I'm out

#43

⇓

- of here. - Couple of vultures

#44

⇓

picking at my carcass.

#45

⇓

- Uh-huh. - You know, I am in the prime

#46

⇓

- of my life. - Yeah.

#47

⇓

I mean, if you think that you can--

#48

⇓

- You shot us! - I'm shot in the face!

#50

⇓

You said there were no bullets!

#51

⇓

Okay, so it was loaded. My mistake.

#52

⇓

Oh, don't be so dramatic.

#53

⇓

I just nicked you.

#54

⇓

It's not like anybody's in any real danger.

#55

⇓

I'm saying don't shoot

#56

⇓

the whole balloon down, right? Like, you-you...

#57

⇓

- you pull it down-- - Frank shot us.

#58

⇓

He shot us in the face. We barely survived.

#59

⇓

Awesome!

#60

⇓

- Wha... - Uh, no, not awesome.

#61

⇓

Oh, sorry. You came in all excited.

#62

⇓

I thought you were bragging.

#63

⇓

I was picking up on an excited energy, for sure.

#64

⇓

Getting shot in the face and surviving is pretty cool.

#65

⇓

Yeah.

#66

⇓

This is insane.

#67

⇓

Listen, we got to get his gun away from him, okay?

#68

⇓

I-I don't even care about the money anymore.

#69

⇓

Oh, yeah, no, no, neither do I.

#70

⇓

I don't give a shit about the money.

#71

⇓

I mean, the man is a maniac

#72

⇓

and he's gonna wind up shooting everyone in this bar.

#73

⇓

Oh, yeah. I do care about the money, though.

#74

⇓

- Yeah, no, so do I. Absolutely. - Yeah.

#75

⇓

- It's the only thing I care about. Are you kidding me? - Yeah. Yeah.

#76

⇓

Come on. You know what I'm worried about?

#77

⇓

I'm worried he's gonna kill himself with that gun

#78

⇓

before he gets old and senile enough

#79

⇓

to rewrite us into the will.

#80

⇓

That's it. That's it. We need him to live

#81

⇓

long enough so he can become fully demented.

#82

⇓

I'm picking up, like,

#84

⇓

a super stressed-out vibe from you,

#85

⇓

and it's really important to remember, like,

#86

⇓

you know, money isn't everything.

#87

⇓

Yeah, of course you don't care, Charlie,

#88

⇓

because your dad didn't have anything to pass down to you.

#89

⇓

No, that's true, but my mom does. Yeah.

#90

⇓

On my mom's family side, I got a huge inheritance coming my way.

#91

⇓

Wait, what?

#92

⇓

H-How did I not know this? You're gonna be rich?

#93

⇓

Yeah. Totally. Yeah.

#94

⇓

Well, uh, rich in history and legacy

#95

⇓

and, uh... ...teeth, of course.

#96

⇓

Teeth?

#97

⇓

Yeah. It's a pretty sweet deal, actually, you know.

#98

⇓

Everyone on my mom's side of the family,

#99

⇓

going back to the Niña and the-the Pinta

#100

⇓

and the, uh, Santa Margherita,

#101

⇓

um, they've all been putting their teeth into a jar

#102

⇓

- when they die. - Mm-hmm.

#103

⇓

And, uh, when I turn 40,

#104

⇓

that sweet little piece

#105

⇓

of history's coming my way.

#106

⇓

Just stop. Okay, Dee,

#107

⇓

we need to get that gun away from Frank.

#108

⇓

Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

#109

⇓

You don't do something like that.

#110

⇓

You know, because, like, Frank's gun is a big piece

#111

⇓

of who he is, right?

#112

⇓

That's his legacy. That's his history.

#113

⇓

That's like, that's like my jar of teeth, right?

#114

⇓

I don't want that taken away from me when I get old.

#115

⇓

What are you talking about?

#116

⇓

Charlie, I got some bad news for you, bud.

#117

⇓

What?

#118

⇓

You turned 40 a long time ago.

#119

⇓

Yo. Hey, Ma, how you doing?

#120

⇓

- Hi, Mom. - Oh, hi, boys.

#121

⇓

- What brings you by? - Yeah, uh,

#122

⇓

hey, I want to show Mac that jar of family teeth we got.

#123

⇓

Oh.

#124

⇓

Hey, Ma, did you realize I was over 40?

#126

⇓

You are?

#127

⇓

Yeah, turns out. Yeah, I figured you probably forgot, too,

#128

⇓

or something, but, um, yeah,

#129

⇓

can I get that jar of teeth now, please?

#130

⇓

Oh, okay, I-I'll go look for them.

#131

⇓

Okay, yeah, good. Go-go get my teeth, please.

#132

⇓

Cool. Hey, Mom,

#133

⇓

since we're here, um,

#134

⇓

do we have any kind of, like,

#135

⇓

family heirlooms or anything?

#136

⇓

No.

#137

⇓

Like, anything of value

#138

⇓

that our family owned at some point?

#139

⇓

No.

#140

⇓

Hm. Okay, what if it's just, like, sentimental?

#141

⇓

Just, like, proof that we existed?

#142

⇓

Nope.

#143

⇓

Wait, what about those letters?

#144

⇓

Weren't there some kind of letters

#145

⇓

that my grandfather wrote to my dad

#146

⇓

during World War II?

#147

⇓

Yeah.

#148

⇓

Those letters exist? Well, well, who's got them?

#149

⇓

Donald.

#150

⇓

- Donald? Donald who? - Oh...

#151

⇓

Duck.

#152

⇓

Yeah.

#153

⇓

Donald... Donald Duck? What's she talking about?

#154

⇓

Yeah, my mom's making a joke. She's-she's really funny.

#155

⇓

She's got a great sense of humor. Right, Mom?

#156

⇓

Yeah.

#157

⇓

Yeah. She's talking about my Uncle Donald.

#158

⇓

Huh. I didn't even know you had an uncle Donald.

#159

⇓

Yeah, yeah, that's my dad's brother.

#160

⇓

Donald McDonald?

#161

⇓

Yeah.

#162

⇓

Ronald McDonald.

#163

⇓

Donald McDonald. Wow.

#164

⇓

Your dad really scored with the name Luther, I guess, huh?

#165

⇓

Mom? What happened?

#166

⇓

Did she try to pull out her own teeth?

#168

⇓

Did you just try to pull out your own teeth?

#169

⇓

- Mm-mm. - She clearly did.

#170

⇓

- I can see the pliers. - We can see the pliers, Mom.

#171

⇓

- Ah! Ugh! - Oh!

#172

⇓

Oh, my God. Why did you do that?

#174

⇓

I didn't have the heart to-to tell you,

#175

⇓

I gave away the jar.

#176

⇓

You gave away the jar of teeth? To who?

#177

⇓

Your sisters.

#178

⇓

To my sisters?

#179

⇓

Those ungrateful bitches. What the hell, Mom?

#180

⇓

They don't even live in Philly anymore.

#181

⇓

They moved all the way up to northern New Jersey.

#182

⇓

They're terrible to you.

#183

⇓

I'm the one who stayed. I'm the one who takes care of you.

#184

⇓

How could you do that?

#185

⇓

- Now she's screaming. - This is crazy.

#186

⇓

Now she's screaming. Now she's screaming.

#187

⇓

- Well, you yelled at her. - Now Mom's screaming.

#188

⇓

Now Mom's screaming.

#189

⇓

Ah, I can't believe you did this!

#190

⇓

- Why are you yelling at her? I don't know... - She gave it away to my sisters.

#191

⇓

They're the worst people on the planet.

#192

⇓

I didn't even remember that you had sisters.

#193

⇓

All right. Okay, okay.

#194

⇓

Look, we're just gonna have to go and get them.

#195

⇓

I think she's having a stroke, dude.

#196

⇓

We're just gonna have to get in the car right now

#197

⇓

- and go get them. Come on, man. - We should go to the hospital.

#198

⇓

Let's get in the car. Let's go.

#199

⇓

Mrs. Mac, we're taking your car. Mom, just calm down.

#200

⇓

It's okay, okay? I'm not mad at you. It's fine, okay?

#201

⇓

- I love you. - Breathe through your, breathe through your nose.

#202

⇓

- I love you, too. I love you, too. - This is fucking insane.

#203

⇓

I made a mistake.

#204

⇓

You did make a mistake. You did make this-- All right.

#205

⇓

Christ, let's get her cleaned up. All right.

#206

⇓

I didn't mean to upset you.

#207

⇓

Frank, um,

#208

⇓

could you stop scratching yourself with the gun, please?

#209

⇓

- I'm itchy, I'm itchy. - I-I bet.

#210

⇓

Probably from rolling around in the grass

#211

⇓

outside of your apartment.

#212

⇓

No, I was rolling around in the grass

#213

⇓

because I was itchy.

#214

⇓

The itch came first.

#215

⇓

Okay, well, why don't you hand me the gun,

#216

⇓

- and I'll scratch you with my fingers. - Yeah.

#217

⇓

I'm not gonna hand you my gun,

#218

⇓

but I'll let you scratch. You want to scratch me?

#219

⇓

- Go on. Yeah. - Okay.

#220

⇓

- All right. - Scratch me. See.

#221

⇓

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do it down by the neck.

#222

⇓

Okay, but I just don't want to get shot again, is all.

#224

⇓

The gun's not loaded.

#225

⇓

Yeah, that's what you said last time, Frank.

#226

⇓

I got to take a piss.

#227

⇓

Okay.

#229

⇓

- Goddamn it.

#230

⇓

This is not working.

#231

⇓

Should we just attack him and take it?

#232

⇓

What? No.

#233

⇓

He'd mow us down like Scarface. We can't come at him like that.

#234

⇓

- We'll spook him. - Yeah.

#235

⇓

You know what? He needs to be lulled

#236

⇓

into a false sense of security.

#237

⇓

You don't tell a dog you're taking him to a vet

#238

⇓

to put him down.

#239

⇓

Right.

#240

⇓

You give that dog the best day of his life,

#241

⇓

and then you turn out the lights when he least suspects it.

#242

⇓

- Okay.

#243

⇓

Okay. Oh...

#244

⇓

Ooh.

#245

⇓

Ooh, that was a long wait.

#246

⇓

Ooh!

#247

⇓

Wow.

#248

⇓

♪ On the road again ♪

#249

⇓

♪ Just can't wait... ♪

#250

⇓

Why is your mom driving my mom's car?

#251

⇓

I don't know. Dude, they got some weird arrangement

#252

⇓

worked out so your mom can focus on smoking.

#253

⇓

Speaking of, I'm getting choked to death back here.

#254

⇓

Mrs. Mac, do you mind, like, cracking a window or something?

#255

⇓

No.

#256

⇓

Why not? I mean, it's ridiculous to just sit in the smoke.

#257

⇓

'Cause it's too drafty. It's unhealthy.

#258

⇓

- Right. - Unheal-- What?

#259

⇓

Sorry, my mom's on a new health kick.

#260

⇓

Hey, Mom, it's working. You look great.

#261

⇓

Shut up.

#262

⇓

Can we, like speed up or something?

#263

⇓

Another car just passed us. Mom, that's, like, the 50th car.

#264

⇓

Why are you going so slow?

#265

⇓

Well, highways are scary.

#266

⇓

You're going 35.

#267

⇓

- I can see you're going 35. - But-- And everybody's

#268

⇓

just in such a hurry.

#269

⇓

No, it's just the normal--

#270

⇓

It's the speed that people go on the highway.

#271

⇓

Okay, maybe I should drive. Mom, can I drive your car?

#272

⇓

- Can Mac drive? - No.

#273

⇓

Ugh, this is my worst nightmare, man.

#274

⇓

This is absolutely terrible. How much further?

#275

⇓

Anyone know? Mac?

#276

⇓

How much further? Mac?

#277

⇓

Mac? Hello?

#278

⇓

My mom's finger is up, which means "no talking".

#279

⇓

She's annoyed. It's best if we

#280

⇓

just keep it down until the finger goes down,

#281

⇓

otherwise, she might burn us with the cigarette lighter.

#282

⇓

This is my worst nightmare

#283

⇓

in my entire life.

#284

⇓

Okay, finger's down. Um, great.

#285

⇓

Uh, okay, Mrs. Kelly, you're gonna want to stay

#286

⇓

on the Jersey Turnpike until you hit 287.

#287

⇓

You want to take 287 towards Hamburg.

#288

⇓

Mm, no. That-- No, you just stay on the 206

#289

⇓

the whole way up.

#290

⇓

No, no, we're gonna,

#291

⇓

we're gonna hit Hamburg on the way.

#292

⇓

Why are we going to Hamburg?

#293

⇓

We're gonna visit my Uncle Donald.

#294

⇓

- Donald McDonald of Hamburger, New Jersey? - Hamburg.

#295

⇓

A bunch of old letters that weren't even written to you?

#296

⇓

That's not a legacy, it's a bunch of meaningless shit.

#297

⇓

Not as meaningless as a jar full of teeth.

#298

⇓

Sorry, Mom. I didn't see the finger.

#300

⇓

No, her hand was not in the air that time.

#301

⇓

- She burnt the shit out of me. - You didn't even put your hand--

#302

⇓

- Oh, it's up now, it's up now. - Yeah.

#303

⇓

Frank, we got a little surprise for you, bud.

#304

⇓

What's that?

#305

⇓

Hamburgers.

#306

⇓

- Oh, hamburgers?

#307

⇓

Oh, that's one of the best food there is.

#308

⇓

Yeah, yes, they really are.

#309

⇓

And, you know what, you can eat them right here in the car.

#310

⇓

You know, once in a while, they give me the runs.

#311

⇓

Yeah, that's why we put that towel down for you, buddy.

#312

⇓

Mmm. Mmm!

#313

⇓

- Okay. All right.

#314

⇓

- Mmm. - You want to take it easy?

#315

⇓

Goddamn. Just one bite at a time,

#316

⇓

or you're gonna barf everywhere.

#317

⇓

- Mmm. - Yeah, it's good, huh?

#318

⇓

Yeah, really hammering them down there, huh, bud?

#319

⇓

Very good. Mmm.

#320

⇓

Oh!

#321

⇓

I almost ate my gun.

#322

⇓

I dipped it in the ketchup.

#323

⇓

Thought it was a french fry.

#324

⇓

Yeah, that is funny.

#325

⇓

Wow.

#326

⇓

Hey, you know what?

#327

⇓

I'm-I'm gonna pull over, Frank.

#328

⇓

I got to take a piss anyway.

#329

⇓

Again. Okay.

#330

⇓

Look where we are.

#332

⇓

We're at the bridge.

#333

⇓

Oh, I haven't been here in forever.

#334

⇓

- Go check it out-- Oh! - Oh! - Oh.

#335

⇓

- Ooh. - Did-did you just slam your head into the window?

#336

⇓

Yeah, I didn't realize it was up.

#337

⇓

Well, were you gonna dive out of it?

#338

⇓

Yeah, I was very excited. I want to go.

#339

⇓

- All right. - Go see the boys.

#340

⇓

- Have fun, buddy. - Go see the boys.

#341

⇓

Hey, we're almost there, Dee, okay? He's getting tired.

#344

⇓

Let's let run him around the bridge for a little while,

#345

⇓

- and then we have one more stop, okay? - Uh...

#346

⇓

Oh, he's pissing on another hydrant.

#347

⇓

Okay. He's...

#348

⇓

literally turning into a dog.

#349

⇓

Yeah.

#350

⇓

I got to smash.

#351

⇓

You just smashed. You smashed, like, three times

#352

⇓

on the way up here. We keep having to pull over

#353

⇓

- so you can smash. What-- - There is a lot of smashing.

#354

⇓

She's very regular.

#355

⇓

Oh, no, I'm out of paper towels.

#356

⇓

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, Mrs. Kelly.

#357

⇓

I'm sure my Uncle Donald has toilet paper.

#358

⇓

You've been wiping with paper towels?

#359

⇓

I hope everyone

#360

⇓

brought their appetite

#361

⇓

because I made quiche.

#362

⇓

Aw, that's really nice, Uncle Donald,

#363

⇓

but we're kind of in a hurry.

#364

⇓

W-Well, that's a shame.

#365

⇓

We never get to see each other.

#366

⇓

Yeah, that is a shame,

#367

⇓

but I'm really here about the letters.

#368

⇓

You know, the letters that

#369

⇓

Grandpop wrote to you and Dad during the war.

#370

⇓

Oh. Oh, yes, yes, I-I-I have those letters.

#371

⇓

Oh, that's great.

#372

⇓

I was kind of hoping they would pass down to me.

#373

⇓

You know, sort of like a family heirloom.

#374

⇓

Well, that would make sense because, well,

#375

⇓

they weren't actually written to me.

#376

⇓

They were addressed only, uh, to your dad.

#377

⇓

Grandpop didn't write to you?

#378

⇓

He-he liked your dad, uh, more.

#379

⇓

Uh, you know, I was the, um,

#380

⇓

you know, "funny" one, you know.

#381

⇓

It's the reason I never got married.

#382

⇓

Not something we talked about back then, but...

#383

⇓

but i-it always made me feel,

#384

⇓

uh, a little, uh...

#385

⇓

different.

#386

⇓

Well, I-I'm sure you can understand

#387

⇓

what that feels like, Ronald.

#388

⇓

No.

#389

⇓

So, the letters?

#390

⇓

- Oh, yes. - Yeah?

#391

⇓

Okay.

#393

⇓

Yeah, this is, uh, this is great, Uncle Donald,

#394

⇓

'cause it's really gonna tie

#395

⇓

a lot of things together for me, you know?

#396

⇓

It's, uh-- I have something to pass down to my kids.

#397

⇓

It's-it's important to have a legacy.

#398

⇓

Oh, yes. You know, I...

#399

⇓

I wouldn't know, though. I, you know, I...

#400

⇓

I don't have any children of my own.

#401

⇓

Oh, yeah.

#402

⇓

It's, like, everything you've ever wanted.

#404

⇓

Kind of sad, really, uh, me keeping letters

#405

⇓

that, uh, weren't even for me.

#406

⇓

You know. But, uh,

#407

⇓

I guess I just, uh, wanted a connection, uh...

#408

⇓

...with my dad.

#409

⇓

Yeah.

#410

⇓

That is sad.

#411

⇓

If I could just-- Yeah. Thank you.

#412

⇓

I mean, you know, there's nothing more...

#413

⇓

more important in this world than the connection

#414

⇓

between a father and a son.

#415

⇓

Well, besides the connection between a son and a mother.

#416

⇓

Right, Mom?

#417

⇓

She's smashing.

#418

⇓

- Yeah, she took off, man. - Yeah, she had to smash.

#419

⇓

Well, I guess we could wait for her in the car.

#420

⇓

This is so annoying.

#421

⇓

I mean, you're gonna take time out of my day,

#422

⇓

and you have everything you've ever dreamed of right here,

#423

⇓

but we're gonna just blow right past it, aren't we?

#424

⇓

It's probably time to go, huh?

#425

⇓

- Well, uh, o-okay. - Yeah.

#426

⇓

Okay, well-well, uh, you know, hey,

#427

⇓

if you ever want to, uh, you know, hang out,

#428

⇓

you know, we could throw the old football around.

#429

⇓

Ah, I don't really like playing football.

#430

⇓

It's kind of for jocks.

#431

⇓

- It's all he ever talks about - No, it's like--

#432

⇓

is wanting to have a catch with his dad, so--

#433

⇓

Nah, 'cause remember we were talking about how

#434

⇓

it was like a... for jocks?

#435

⇓

- Uh, no. That never happened. - Oh.

#436

⇓

Uh, yeah, well, uh, we could read.

#437

⇓

- We could read. - Oh, but, like, he can't read.

#438

⇓

- Imagine that. Imagine that. - He can't read, so...

#439

⇓

Yeah, but he's not talking about me, he's talking about

#440

⇓

- bonding with you. - Yeah, like...

#441

⇓

But we're gonna blow right past this, huh?

#442

⇓

Reading is for nerds, so...

#443

⇓

- Yeah, is that what it is? - Yeah.

#444

⇓

- Uh, cards? - Uh, well,

#445

⇓

the thing about cards is, like, with the...

#446

⇓

the jacks and the queens and the kings and, like,

#447

⇓

I don't like celebrating royalty.

#448

⇓

- You know, he-he knows that. - Oh, my God, dude.

#449

⇓

- Oh, my God, man. - You know that. We've talked about that.

#450

⇓

You're driving me crazy, dude. All right, fine, let's go.

#451

⇓

- Bye-bye. - Okay, maybe you guys can swap phone numbers or...

#452

⇓

- I think that would be weird. - No? No, not gonna do it?

#453

⇓

- That would be weird. Okay. - Fine, then this was a good waste of our time, wasn't it?

#454

⇓

- Well, there it is. - The ocean.

#455

⇓

- Yep. - Mm.

#456

⇓

Beautiful. Probably brings back

#457

⇓

a lot of good memories.

#458

⇓

- Right, Frank? - Absolutely.

#459

⇓

- Yeah. - You guys, uh, mind if I...

#460

⇓

- Oh, no. Of course. No, please. Please. Yeah. - Please. Yeah.

#461

⇓

Take that you, cesspool.

#462

⇓

Polluted sack of shit.

#463

⇓

You know, Dee, I kind of feel like we did a good thing here.

#464

⇓

I do, too. We gave him a good day.

#465

⇓

- Mm-hmm. - For him.

#466

⇓

Not for a normal person.

#467

⇓

- Yeah. Jesus.

#468

⇓

Right.

#469

⇓

You all done, bud?

#470

⇓

- Yeah. Thanks, guys. - Yeah.

#471

⇓

- Good. Hey, oh, absolutely. - Yeah.

#472

⇓

- You got it. - Hey, listen, where to now, Frank?

#473

⇓

- We want to take you somewhere. - Uh, no, it's okay. I get it.

#474

⇓

I-I thought it was a cash grab at first,

#475

⇓

but I see where you're going.

#476

⇓

The hamburger, playing with Duncan under the bridge,

#477

⇓

and now the beach.

#478

⇓

A perfect day can't last forever.

#479

⇓

I know why we're here.

#480

⇓

Oh. You do?

#481

⇓

Gosh.

#482

⇓

Thanks for making it so easy on us.

#483

⇓

- We expected more resistance. - Yeah.

#484

⇓

Well, I guess hung on a little bit too long.

#485

⇓

- A little bit. - And afterwards, you guys can have the money.

#486

⇓

Yeah. Here.

#488

⇓

Oh. Gosh.

#489

⇓

I-I got to say, this-this went

#490

⇓

- so much more smoothly than I... - Yeah, it really did.

#491

⇓

Uh, just do it when I'm looking out at the ocean.

#492

⇓

Huh?

#493

⇓

Ah, don't be coy. I had a good run.

#494

⇓

- What are you-- - And it's really good

#495

⇓

you didn't do it in front of Charlie.

#496

⇓

That was a class move.

#497

⇓

Just put me down quick.

#498

⇓

Put you down? Wha...

#499

⇓

Oh, you know what? I think I'm gonna run,

#500

⇓

and then you do what you have to do.

#501

⇓

But if you shoot me in the leg, come over and finish me off,

#502

⇓

because I don't want to lay there and suffer.

#503

⇓

- Actually, here, I'm gonna take... - What?

#504

⇓

What the hell are you doing?

#505

⇓

I'm gonna go natural, because I've seen

#506

⇓

too many guys die and take a shit in their pants.

#507

⇓

I don't want that. And bury my poop.

#508

⇓

Or just kick some sand over it.

#509

⇓

'Cause-- And then you can do what you want to do.

#510

⇓

You can float me out into the ocean and let sharks eat me.

#511

⇓

Or you can leave me on the ground,

#512

⇓

gruesome for the kids to see.

#513

⇓

Oh, ugh. Oh, my God.

#514

⇓

We are not gonna kill you, Frank.

#515

⇓

- Huh? - What, did you think

#516

⇓

we were just gonna shoot you right here on the beach?

#517

⇓

I mean, there-there's people around.

#518

⇓

I'm actually surprised they didn't run

#519

⇓

- when you started shooting the ocean. - I-I'm not.

#520

⇓

It's the Jersey Shore. But good God, man.

#521

⇓

Well, if you're not gonna snuff me out,

#522

⇓

what the hell are you doing?

#523

⇓

We were giving you one last day with your gun.

#524

⇓

Yeah, it's time to let it go, Frank.

#525

⇓

You were stealing my gun?

#526

⇓

No, it's too dangerous, Frank.

#528

⇓

You're out of control with that thing.

#529

⇓

By the way, you're out of the will again.

#530

⇓

- What? - Why? Just because of the gun? - Yeah.

#531

⇓

Exactly. Because I don't trust you two guys.

#532

⇓

I mean, if you're in the will, who knows?

#533

⇓

You may wind up shooting me in the back.

#534

⇓

- Aah! - You just told us to shoot you in the back!

#535

⇓

That's different. It's not the same thing.

#536

⇓

Take me back to Philly.

#537

⇓

You get an Uber.

#538

⇓

- Goddamn it. - Go on. Let's go. - Dee,

#540

⇓

- why'd you let him snatch that thing back? - I-I...

#541

⇓

All right, let's go.

#542

⇓

- Just barge right in, Mom. - O-Okay.

#543

⇓

Don't-don't be shy, okay?

#544

⇓

Bunny?

#545

⇓

Candy?

#546

⇓

- Are you home? - Which one is the can?

#547

⇓

There's probably, like, a million bathrooms.

#548

⇓

Just go find a bathroom, Mrs. Mac.

#549

⇓

- I don't remember those being your sisters' names.

#550

⇓

No, it's not their names. They had their names changed.

#551

⇓

Oh. How do they afford to live like this?

#552

⇓

T-They're doing some, like, stupid,

#553

⇓

like, social media thing.

#554

⇓

I-I don't know, I guess they're making a killing on it.

#555

⇓

Hey! Candy, Bunny!

#556

⇓

- Candy... - Oh, my God.

#557

⇓

Mom, what are you doing here?

#558

⇓

Well, we just wanted to drive up--

#559

⇓

Why'd you bring Dirt Grub?

#560

⇓

Oh, yeah, hi. Nice to see you, too.

#561

⇓

Shut up, fag!

#562

⇓

Why'd you bring your fag friend?

#563

⇓

Yeah, why is Mac here?

#564

⇓

- This is so distasteful.

#565

⇓

Uh, dude, uh...

#566

⇓

You know what? I'm not gonna argue with you guys.

#567

⇓

- Oh, you're not? - Okay? No, I'm just here

#568

⇓

- for the teeth. - No, you can't have them.

#569

⇓

Yeah, you can't have them, Charlie.

#570

⇓

- You can't have them. - Mom gave them to us.

#571

⇓

Well, what do you even care about the teeth?

#572

⇓

I-I thought you always said they were weird and gross.

#573

⇓

- They are weird and gross. - Yeah, super gross,

#574

⇓

but people like that stuff, so we need them.

#575

⇓

- We need them. - Need them for what?

#576

⇓

ASMR, dickweed.

#577

⇓

Yeah. ASMR.

#578

⇓

What is that? What even is that?

#579

⇓

We stick our hands in the jar.

#580

⇓

People pay to watch us stick our hand in the jar.

#581

⇓

- They pay for that shit. - Yeah.

#582

⇓

They like the noise of the teeth,

#583

⇓

and they give us a lot of money on OnlyFans.

#584

⇓

- Like, a lot of money. - What?

#585

⇓

- More than you could ever imagine. - Yeah.

#586

⇓

All you're doing is sticking your hands in teeth

#587

⇓

and people pay you enough to live like this?

#588

⇓

- We obviously take our tops off. Like... - Obviously.

#589

⇓

- Shut up, slut. - You're literally a slut.

#591

⇓

All right, you know what? Give me the teeth. Give me the teeth.

#592

⇓

No. Finders keepers, bitch.

#593

⇓

- Finders keepers. - You did not find them!

#594

⇓

- Mom gave them to you! - Yeah, she did.

#595

⇓

- Okay, we're her favorite. - I clogged the toilet.

#596

⇓

- What the hell? Gross. - Who is this old lady clogging our toilet?

#597

⇓

That's my mommy.

#598

⇓

- Gross, Mac! - Gross, Mac!

#599

⇓

Why did you clog our toilet?

#600

⇓

Why'd you clog our toilet, old lady?

#601

⇓

There was no TP.

#602

⇓

If there was no TP, what did you wipe with?

#603

⇓

The letters.

#604

⇓

You wiped your butt with the letters

#605

⇓

that Grandpop sent Dad and then flushed them down the toilet?

#606

⇓

Yeah.

#607

⇓

This is so weird, guys. You got to go.

#609

⇓

- All right, you know what? - No. No.

#610

⇓

Hey, hey. Put that down.

#611

⇓

This is gonna be the new Kelly family heirloom,

#612

⇓

and I'm gonna put all my teeth in it

#613

⇓

and all of Mom's teeth in it and none of yours.

#614

⇓

Okay.

#615

⇓

Oh, uh, yep.

#616

⇓

- Yep. Yep. - You got to stop

#617

⇓

doing that. You're not gonna have any teeth left.

#618

⇓

You sure you don't want to pop a couple in?

#619

⇓

You know, you can be a part of my legacy, dude.

#620

⇓

I-I feel like you should be.

#621

⇓

- No, I-I'm good. - Yeah?

#622

⇓

- Yeah, I'm good. - All right, I'll tell you what.

#623

⇓

When one-one falls out, go ahead and toss it in.

#624

⇓

- It's cool. - It won't.

#625

⇓

Yeah. There. Take that, lock.

#626

⇓

Oh, what the hell, man?

#627

⇓

And the door wasn't even locked.

#628

⇓

You're paying for that door, Frank.

#629

⇓

All right, all right.

#630

⇓

Well, this is great. This is just great.

#631

⇓

You know, like, now what are we supposed to all put

#632

⇓

- our teeth in? - Our faces?

#633

⇓

- What are you talking about? - I'm talking about our legacy.

#634

⇓

You know? I can't hold onto it, man.

#635

⇓

Legacy? You want to talk legacy? You know what our legacy is?

#636

⇓

Spending our lives in this goddamn bar

#637

⇓

with a lunatic man who acts like a dog

#638

⇓

and handles his gun like a maniac!

#639

⇓

Oh, fine.

#640

⇓

I see where this pity party's headed.

#641

⇓

If you're gonna be crybabies about it,

#642

⇓

all right, take my gun.

#643

⇓

- Ow! Ow! - Shit!

#644

⇓

Shit.

#645

⇓

Well, there you have it, Frank.

#646

⇓

You've officially shot everyone in the bar.

#647

⇓