Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S17E03 — Mac and Dennis Become EMTs

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 17, Episode 3 — Mac and Dennis Become EMTs

[paramedic 1] Don't think this guy's gonna make it. You hear me?

#1

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[paramedic 2] Did you have an OPA.

#2

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[paramedic 1] Breathing's irregular and weak.

#3

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- [paramedic 2] Responsive to pain? - [paramedic 1] Not at all.

#4

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Sir, can you hear me? His lips are super red.

#5

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[paramedic 2] Purple cyanosis.

#6

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- Super diaphoretic. - [paramedic 1] Sweating like a pig.

#7

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- What happened to this guy? - We don't know this guy from Adam.

#8

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We've never seen him before at all. He's a total outsider.

#9

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I never saw him before in the bar at all.

#10

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His goddamn heart just stopped for no reason.

#11

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Not no reason. You gave him a hot pepper.

#12

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Don't... They don't have to know that.

#13

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- Never mind that! - It was a totally unrelated incident.

#14

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- Never mind that. - Who was that guy anyway?

#15

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Man, just like some random dude who walked in here off the streets.

#16

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- [Frank] Yeah. - Well, we are an open bar.

#17

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I thought he was, like, a jazzman.

#18

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I mean, he had a ponytail. He had a piano-key tie.

#19

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So I pranked him with a ghost pepper.

#20

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You'd think that a jazzman would be more accustomed to spices, you know?

#21

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- Right? You'd think he'd be fine. - Yeah, he just dropped...

#22

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- Here you go, Frank. One smash burger. - Oh.

#23

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It's about time.

#24

⇓

Okay.

#25

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Ooh. Somebody dying or something?

#26

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Random jazzman.

#27

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Really? Just wandered right in off the streets? No reason?

#28

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We are an open, working bar.

#29

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Sorry. Wh-What's with the food delivery here?

#30

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Oh. I'm, uh, doing a Postmates thing as a side gig.

#31

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- On a bike? [chuckles] - [Charlie] Uh. No, no.

#32

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Yeah, no, sorry, uh. I-I mean, why are you ordering food from Dee, Frank?

#33

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You don't like the burgers that I've been making in the apartment?

#34

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What? I wanted a smash burger.

#35

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You don't think I can make a burger and smash it? I'll smash a burger for you.

#36

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What the hell, Frank? A 5% tip?

#37

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Pedal faster. It's cold as shit.

#38

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- [Dee] Goddamn it. - [chuckles]

#39

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They're taking him to the hospital.

#40

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Good job, guys! Good luck!

#41

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Yes, uh, great work, fellas. Uh, thank you for your service.

#42

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That guy's gonna sue the shit out of me.

#43

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- That's not good, man. - [door closes]

#44

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Hey, did anybody else get, like, a crazy rush from that experience?

#45

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I did.

#46

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[stammers] It's nice to have a little action around here, right?

#47

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The way those EMTs, like, fire in and they fire out with all the lights

#48

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- and the sirens, saving lives. - It's awesome.

#49

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[Dennis] You know, it's as close to playing God as you can get, you know?

#50

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And the lifestyle. There's an appeal to it for sure.

#51

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The lifestyle. Yeah, the whole thing is a vibe, and I am here for it.

#52

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- Me too. It's sexy. - [chuckles] Yeah, sexy.

#53

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You know that they bang the doctors and the nurses, right?

#54

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Of course they do. Of course they do. Are you kidding me?

#55

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The lifestyle is spicier than one of Frank's ghost peppers.

#56

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Mac, come here for a second.

#57

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Go with me here, but, uh, I'm sensing an opportunity,

#58

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and I'm gonna float something by you that I think is a

#59

⇓

very reasonable proposition.

#60

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[Mac] Hmm.

#61

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[♪ theme song plays]

#62

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Oh.

#63

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Uh...

#64

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You're not cake, are you?

#65

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Nah. It's just a joke between me and the guys...

#66

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Uh... [mutters] Something.

#67

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Anyway, I came over here to say I'm sorry because...

#68

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Well, y-you know, actually, it's not my fault.

#69

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Well, sure, I gave you a hot pepper and you had a heart attack,

#70

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but, you know, I-I kind of attribute that to the...

#71

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you know, the jazzman lifestyle more than the pepper.

#72

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Eh? Just checking about the cake thing.

#73

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[chuckles] You never know with those guys.

#74

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Well, well, well.

#75

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The Lawyer. What's with the getup?

#76

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It's not a getup.

#77

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It's an eye patch from when I was attacked by a bird.

#78

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Gruesome. I wish I'd have seen that.

#79

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You did see it.

#80

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I don't remember.

#81

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You don't remember being present in a court of law

#82

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while a wild animal pecked out someone's eye?

#83

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Can you be more specific?

#84

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Oh.

#85

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I'll be more specific, Frank.

#86

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I'm here looking for clients, and I just found one.

#87

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You just admitted to causing this man grievous harm,

#88

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and I am going to take you down.

#89

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- I'm innocent. - You literally just admitted it.

#90

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- I was lying. - To a man in a coma?

#91

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- I thought he was cake. - Okay.

#92

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I'll see you in court, Frank.

#93

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Shit.

#94

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This is great, buddy. Frankly, I think we should've done it years ago.

#95

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Agreed. This is the perfect complement

#96

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- to our fast-paced lifestyle. - I think so too.

#97

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Plus, I really feel like we should know how to do CPR, you know?

#98

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Yes. Yes.

#99

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Hey. Uh, pepper?

#100

⇓

And what do we have here?

#101

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Well, the incident with the jazzman got me thinking about peppers,

#102

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getting peppers back into my life.

#103

⇓

You know? Peppers spice everything up

#104

⇓

from... from tacos to talk shows.

#105

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[chuckles] That's cute.

#106

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- Yeah. - Yeah. Okay. I like where your head's at,

#107

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but I think really it's maybe a matter of dosage.

#108

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Like we-we shouldn't eat a whole pepper.

#109

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We saw what happened to the jazzman.

#110

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I'm thinking maybe microdosing is the way to go.

#111

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- Microdose. Explain. - Yep.

#112

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Well, instead of taking 100% of the dose 10% of the time,

#113

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we take 10% of the dose 100% of the time.

#114

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That is scientifically more better.

#115

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- Wanna try it? - Yeah.

#116

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All right, just take a little nibble.

#117

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Just a little... a little micro, huh?

#118

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Yeah.

#119

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Mm-hmm. And then we just need to repeat

#120

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- that dosage all day and all night. - Absolutely. That's good.

#121

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I'm getting a little heat, but it's not too much heat.

#122

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No. I definitely don't need more than that, know what I mean?

#123

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- No. I'm gonna need more in 15 minutes. - Well, sure.

#124

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[instructor] Okay. [chuckles]

#125

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- Speaking of spicy... - [instructor] How's everyone doing?

#126

⇓

...things just got a little caliente .

#127

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[instructor] Hello, class, and welcome.

#128

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I wanna congratulate you all for making a decision

#129

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to pursue a career in this field.

#130

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[Dennis, Mac moaning, groaning]

#131

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Are you two guys all right?

#132

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- Yeah. - Uh, yeah.

#133

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Yeah, all good. All good. Uh, and may I, uh, compliment you on your uniform?

#134

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The snugness, uh, really accentuates your physique.

#135

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If-If that's okay to say.

#136

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Uh... It's not, but let's continue, huh?

#137

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Uh, if you don't mind, can we skip to the fun parts?

#138

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- You're not even letting me get started. - [blows]

#139

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Sorry. My, uh, my partner here, he's just excited to save lives.

#140

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Okay. Well, I applaud you for your enthusiasm,

#141

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- but let's stay on track here, huh? Now... - [Dennis moaning]

#142

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- [groans] Um... - Yes?

#143

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When I just referred to the gentleman to my right as my partner,

#144

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I meant in medicine, not in life.

#145

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In life, I am very much single.

#146

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[chuckles] That's great, but I wanna start this class right now, okay?

#147

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[grunts] Oh, God. I-I tell you, man, I think I got the dosage off.

#148

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I think I ate a little bit too much.

#149

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[chuckles] Less is more. That's on me.

#150

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- The what? - The hot peppers.

#151

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Uh, when do we cover the dosing, the pepper dosing in the class?

#152

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I don't know what you're even talking about,

#153

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but I tell you what, let's talk about CPR.

#154

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- Oh, I'd like to volunteer. - No, I don't... [chuckles]

#155

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- You're already getting up. All right. - I'm so sorry.

#156

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It's so much spicier than I thought.

#157

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Now, when we get to the chest compressions,

#158

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should I take your shirt off or should you take mine off?

#159

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No shirts come off.

#160

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Actually, I'd love to take my shirt off. I'm getting pretty sweaty.

#161

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- Can we start with the dummies, please? - Okay.

#162

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And hands go like so, and we want to start with compressions to the song,

#163

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♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha Staying alive ♪

#164

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- Let me give it a shot. Do you mind? - You wanna step in?

#165

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Actually, I'd love to step in here and see this thing.

#166

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- Sure. - Yeah.

#167

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- How's this? - Ah.

#168

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That's-That's-That's a little too fast.

#169

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And you see, class, I'm increasing the rate of compressions

#170

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to ensure maximum blood flow.

#171

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- Class, don't listen to him. - [chuckles] It's so hot!

#172

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Now, class, you'll notice I am still finding a rhythm.

#173

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That is way too fast.

#174

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[chuckles] Well, somebody doesn't understand double time.

#175

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You see, I'm pushing to a much spicier song.

#176

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Is everyone familiar with the Gipsy Kings's "Bamboléo"?

#177

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Ah! An excellent choice, very spicy.

#178

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Speaking of spice, I brought plenty of peppers for everyone.

#179

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[♪ "Bamboléo" by the Gipsy Kings plays]

#180

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Gosh, that damn lawyer is gonna jam me the hell up.

#181

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- Yeah. - [Frank] Hang on.

#182

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Maybe I should slip him a ghost pepper.

#183

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Yeah, well, that's a good idea.

#184

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All right, uh, chili flakes, please.

#185

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Wait. What?

#186

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[Charlie] I-I need the chili flakes, please. See them?

#187

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- Yeah, I see 'em. - "Yes, Chef."

#188

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- What? - Say, "Yes, Chef."

#189

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Why?

#190

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Because the stakes are, uh, very high, you know, this is high-stakes stuff.

#191

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Stakes of what?

#192

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The cooking! It's-It's life-and-death stuff, man.

#193

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- I need you to say, "Yes, chef." - You know what you should do?

#194

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You should cook up an extra spicy meal. Really, really spicy.

#195

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And I'll give it to The Lawyer. I'll trick him into eating it.

#196

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And then if he's not admitted to the hospital,

#197

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it would prove that I'm innocent.

#198

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Okay, what if he dies?

#199

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Win-win either way, right?

#200

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- All right. [grunts] - Oh!

#201

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- Try that, baby! [chuckles] - Good smash.

#202

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- Smashed it good! - Really?

#203

⇓

You know how to do that?

#204

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Yeah, it's a brick-based medium.

#205

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- Look at that. - Yeah, that's my favorite part.

#206

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What do you think? Same as a smash burger, right?

#207

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- It's great! - Well, I added a little extra spice.

#208

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- Oh, yeah. I can feel it. - I've been microdosing myself.

#209

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- Hey, yo. Here we go, Frank. - Yeah, it goes right up.

#210

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Your smash burger.

#211

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- No, you're too late. - Yeah. Oh, sorry about that.

#212

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That's because I got smashed by a Prius. [chuckles]

#213

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- Ooh. Yeah. - [Dee] Whoops! Yeah.

#214

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- I need some shin guards, I think. - Yeah, looks bad.

#215

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[Dee] Yeah, it doesn't feel as bad.

#216

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Well, Charlie already made me one, so you get no tip.

#217

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- Charlie made you that? - Oh, yeah, yeah.

#218

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It's basically the same exact thing as that smash burger.

#219

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- Really good. - Ho-Hold on a second.

#220

⇓

- What else can you make? - I can make anything. You kidding me?

#221

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Okay. Well, hold on. I'm-I'm getting an idea here.

#222

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- Yeah? - Yeah.

#223

⇓

What if you help me spice up my job a little bit, right?

#224

⇓

And we make this sort of a ghost kitchen situation.

#225

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We do it right here. I keep my work central,

#226

⇓

but I really get to crank out the orders a lot faster.

#227

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Okay, I like it. I'll do this for you, Dee.

#228

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I will, but you gotta promise me something.

#229

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You gotta say, "Yes, chef," "No, chef,"

#230

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"On your left, chef," "Corner, chef."

#231

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These kind of things. It's gotta work that way, Dee.

#232

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- It's gotta work that way. - Why would I say any of those things?

#233

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'Cause we're cooking food.

#234

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- Yep, just food. - It's good.

#235

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Doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

#236

⇓

It's the most serious thing...

#237

⇓

- that has ever-- - Yes, chef.

#238

⇓

- Yes, chef. - Yeah?

#239

⇓

- Don't care. Yep. - Isn't that great?

#240

⇓

Wait, wait, wait. Dee, before you go,

#241

⇓

wanna spice up your bike ride with a habanero?

#242

⇓

- Coming through. Coming through! - [horns honking]

#243

⇓

On your left, bitch. [screams]

#244

⇓

- [tires screech] - [horns honking]

#245

⇓

[Dee] Yo! Look out. Look out. Look out. Look out, bitch!

#246

⇓

Move it, boner.

#247

⇓

Goddamn. Ooh!

#248

⇓

[tires squeal]

#249

⇓

[chuckles] Buddy, getting a refund on those classes

#250

⇓

and spending it on a decommissioned ambulance was the way to go.

#251

⇓

The illegality of what we're doing is spicy enough to get me off.

#252

⇓

And speaking of spice, I think we should up the dose.

#253

⇓

I think we should cool it on the peppers for a little bit.

#254

⇓

I mean, you take too much of those things and you can go temporarily blind.

#255

⇓

- Blind? That's crazy. No, you can't. - Y-Yes, you can.

#256

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[dispatcher] Zebra 3? Zebra 3? You anywhere near 2nd and Race?

#257

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Got a woman with an injury on the sidewalk.

#258

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Second and Race? That's like a block away.

#259

⇓

- Yeah. - Maybe we should answer it.

#260

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- Well, here's one issue. - What?

#261

⇓

- We are not EMTs. - Right.

#262

⇓

[EMT] This is Zebra 3. We are 20 out. Go to closer unit.

#263

⇓

[dispatcher] It's only a turned knee

#264

⇓

and a run to St. Mercy's. I'm sure she can wait.

#265

⇓

This is Flaming Pepper, new truck on the rotation.

#266

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We're only about a block away. We're gonna stop by.

#267

⇓

[dispatcher] Roger that, Flaming Pepper.

#268

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I'll let her know you're on the way.

#269

⇓

- [chuckles] - What are you doing?

#270

⇓

I don't know. I mean, look, what could be spicier than answering a call?

#271

⇓

Plus, it's only a hospital run. No big deal.

#272

⇓

I am intrigued that it's a woman.

#273

⇓

Pop a pepper and let's go?

#274

⇓

You know what? Let's do it.

#275

⇓

But let's-let's cool it on the peppers, all right? Let's be professional.

#276

⇓

We'll-We'll take some peppers afterwards.

#277

⇓

Professional. You got it.

#278

⇓

[siren wailing]

#279

⇓

- [Mac imitating siren wailing] - [chuckles]

#280

⇓

[both imitating siren wailing]

#281

⇓

That's probably enough of the...

#282

⇓

- It's doing it on its own. - Yeah. Yeah.

#283

⇓

- [siren wailing] - [EMT radio chatter]

#284

⇓

[siren stops]

#285

⇓

- [Mac] Ma'am? - How we doing over here, ma'am?

#286

⇓

What seems to be the problem?

#287

⇓

This crazy woman jumps the curb on her bicycle

#288

⇓

yelling nonsense about hot peppers.

#289

⇓

I think I twisted my knee. It might be sprained.

#290

⇓

- Ugh. It's terrible. - [woman] Yeah.

#291

⇓

Uh, ma'am, would you, uh, excuse us for one quick second?

#292

⇓

- Come talk to me over here. - Yeah.

#293

⇓

- Did you pepper up? - No.

#294

⇓

- Yes, you did. - No.

#295

⇓

- [sighs] Okay, I just had a little bit o-- - Goddamn it.

#296

⇓

Now you're not microdosing anymore.

#297

⇓

You've slipped into macrodosing.

#298

⇓

- Macrodosing. - Yeah.

#299

⇓

That's cool 'cause it's my name.

#300

⇓

[grunts] All right. Damn it. You know what?

#301

⇓

Give me a little bit. 'Cause I feel like I'm dipping a little.

#302

⇓

Just a little, dude.

#303

⇓

I'm not going to macrodose or anything. But, you know, a little something.

#304

⇓

- Yeah. - Oh, God. Man, that is the stuff.

#305

⇓

But it's a mild heat, right?

#306

⇓

- Holy shit. All right. Okay. - Oh, yeah. It's good.

#307

⇓

Let's save this bitch.

#308

⇓

Uh, ma'am. [sniffles] I think what you've got there is a sprain.

#309

⇓

Uh, you're gonna... [grunts] ...not wanna put anything hot on it.

#310

⇓

- Or cold. - [Dennis] Yeah. Uh, nothing hot, nothing cold.

#311

⇓

Yeah. Lukewarm, really.

#312

⇓

Ma'am, you're gonna... you're gonna wanna keep that knee lukewarm.

#313

⇓

You're gonna wanna take short, shallow breaths.

#314

⇓

[both breathing sharply]

#315

⇓

Oh, you know what? I gotta check her for a concussion

#316

⇓

- because I feel like she's acting crazy. - I-I-I didn't hit my head.

#317

⇓

- Just lay back and-- - [woman stammers]

#318

⇓

Oh, God. [screams]

#319

⇓

Oh, my eye is burning. Was there something on your thumb?

#320

⇓

It's probably unrelated.

#321

⇓

Uh, ma'am. You're becoming a bit hysterical.

#322

⇓

Why don't I do some chest compressions on you.

#323

⇓

You wanna pop that sweater off?

#324

⇓

What? No, I need to rinse my eye.

#325

⇓

Well, the sweater needs to come off.

#326

⇓

- Yeah, let's make her unconscious. - Why?

#327

⇓

I feel like this is becoming a whole thing.

#328

⇓

- What? - Okay, ma'am, we're gonna get you

#329

⇓

- to the hospital right now. - [woman groans]

#330

⇓

Dude, this is incredible. I feel so alive.

#331

⇓

[both chuckle]

#332

⇓

She definitely wants to bang me, dude.

#333

⇓

- [chuckles] Yeah, I think so. - Don't you think? Yeah.

#334

⇓

[siren blares]

#335

⇓

[♪ "Bamboléo" plays]

#336

⇓

Yo. Order up. Let's go.

#337

⇓

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

#338

⇓

[siren wailing]

#339

⇓

Wow.

#340

⇓

Whoo.

#341

⇓

- Whoo! - Whoo.

#342

⇓

- [grunting] Goddamn it. - [Mac] I got it.

#343

⇓

- Hey. Wow, he's okay. - Hey.

#344

⇓

- [siren wailing] - [meter blaring]

#345

⇓

- [Dee] Move! - [pedestrian screams]

#346

⇓

You dumb bitch.

#347

⇓

- [horn honks] - Whoo.

#348

⇓

- Yeah! All right. - [meter blaring]

#349

⇓

These are the Chipotle burritos.

#350

⇓

Chipotle burritos. Yes, chef. [grunts]

#351

⇓

How's the spice pot?

#352

⇓

Spice pot is

#353

⇓

spicy but needs more peppers.

#354

⇓

Peppers coming up. More peppers.

#355

⇓

- Here we go. - I needed a "Yes, chef" there.

#356

⇓

- Yes, chef. Yes, chef. - Yes, chef. Yes, chef!

#357

⇓

- [meter blaring] - [siren wailing]

#358

⇓

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Let's go.

#359

⇓

[Mac] Go, go, go, go, go, go.

#360

⇓

[♪ "Bamboléo" continues playing]

#361

⇓

[siren wailing]

#362

⇓

I don't know. I don't think he's gonna make it.

#363

⇓

- Looks like he's gonna die. - He's going in and out, isn't he?

#364

⇓

- Should we pepper? - You want some pepper, sir?

#365

⇓

Goddamn it. Hands! I need hands!

#366

⇓

- Let's do it. Let's go. - [Mac] Go, go, go, go, go, Frank.

#367

⇓

- Go. Put the burger down. Go! - [Dee] Come on, Frank. Come on!

#368

⇓

[Charlie, Frank grunting]

#369

⇓

Hot fries. Hot fries. Hot fries.

#370

⇓

- [Mac, Dennis coughing] - [tires screech]

#371

⇓

Sir. [sniffles] Are you okay?

#372

⇓

I think we gotta do compressions, man.

#373

⇓

Compressions, go.

#374

⇓

Whoo! [grunts]

#375

⇓

Come on. Pick it up, grandpa.

#376

⇓

- Whoo! Oh, God! It's all seeds. - [meter blaring]

#377

⇓

It's all seeds.

#378

⇓

- [siren continues] - [Mac imitating siren]

#379

⇓

[song ends]

#380

⇓

- [Charlie] Order up. [sighs]

#381

⇓

We did it, Charlie. This chili is maxed out. I mean, I gotta go.

#382

⇓

Oh, what? What? No. [stammers] You can't go. Come on, I got orders, bud.

#383

⇓

[stammers] I gotta go trick The Lawyer.

#384

⇓

Come on, I need my expediter.

#385

⇓

[Charlie] What? I'll be in here all by myself?

#386

⇓

Come on, Frank, I need you, buddy.

#387

⇓

- Hey, yo! There he is. - Oh!

#388

⇓

- What do you got for us, buddy? - [Charlie] Oh.

#389

⇓

- Anything for my first responders. - [Mac grunts]

#390

⇓

- [Charlie cheering] - My guy. My guy. My guy. Hey! All right.

#391

⇓

Whoo-hoo! [grunting]

#392

⇓

- Oh, yeah. - That's hot.

#393

⇓

[screams]

#394

⇓

Getting high on your own supply over there?

#395

⇓

- [Charlie laughs] - You mind?

#396

⇓

Yeah. Well, I'm in the weeds, boys.

#397

⇓

You know, I need it just to get by.

#398

⇓

How's it going for you fellas? How's it going out there in the streets?

#399

⇓

Highs and lows. I don't love the blood.

#400

⇓

A lot of blood in my line of work too.

#401

⇓

[chuckles] Well, there shouldn't be.

#402

⇓

Yeah, but you get the finger. I got Frank once or twice.

#403

⇓

- There really shouldn't be-- - It's life-and-death stuff.

#404

⇓

Not really though.

#405

⇓

- It is for the animals, I guess. [laughs] - [Dennis laughs]

#406

⇓

I always feel like I could use a little more action, you know what I mean?

#407

⇓

- [coughs] You want more spice? - I want more spice.

#408

⇓

- [Charlie] Yeah? - Yeah.

#409

⇓

Okay. I'm done.

#410

⇓

- Pepper me. - Oh!

#411

⇓

Bingo!

#412

⇓

Dang, what happened to you?

#413

⇓

Oh, bike got smashed by a crosstown bus.

#414

⇓

- Smashing ups everywhere. - Interesting.

#415

⇓

Hey, this-this-this might be the peppers talking here, but, um, go with me.

#416

⇓

I'm sensing an opportunity to smash all of these ideas together...

#417

⇓

[gasps] ...and really spice up our lives.

#418

⇓

Now I'm gonna float out something that I believe to be...

#419

⇓

[pants] ...a very reasonable proposition.

#420

⇓

- [Dee pants, coughs] - [Charlie coughs]

#421

⇓

What is it?

#422

⇓

[siren wailing]

#423

⇓

Okay, I got two smash burgers and a side of curly fries.

#424

⇓

- On your left! - Oh, yeah, thank you.

#425

⇓

- Thank you what? - Thank you, chef!

#426

⇓

- Corner! - [tires squeal]

#427

⇓

- [tires squeal] - [horn honks]

#428

⇓

[both laughing]

#429

⇓

This is the spice I was looking for, baby!

#430

⇓

Oh.

#431

⇓

Well, well, well. Hmm. New office, huh?

#432

⇓

Popcorn ceiling, right next to the highway. This place is trash.

#433

⇓

Mr. Reynolds, always a pleasure.

#434

⇓

I wanna talk about a settlement.

#435

⇓

I bet you do,

#436

⇓

because if I were your attorney,

#437

⇓

I would be begging for the same thing.

#438

⇓

But unfortunately for you...

#439

⇓

- Whoo! - ...I am not.

#440

⇓

My depth perception is terrible.

#441

⇓

Why?

#442

⇓

Because of the goddamn eye.

#443

⇓

What happened to your eye?

#444

⇓

Are you serious?

#445

⇓

Let's talk about this like gentlemen.

#446

⇓

I brought you some chili.

#447

⇓

Okay, I'm not eating that. I'm sure it's poison.

#448

⇓

Besides, I ordered for myself.

#449

⇓

No, my food's better.

#450

⇓

And-And there's nothing the matter with that chili.

#451

⇓

That is tasty chili.

#452

⇓

- I-I promise. - Hey. Lawyer.

#453

⇓

- Not now, Dee. - He Postmated. I'm delivering.

#454

⇓

Okay-- I don't want any food delivered by any of you.

#455

⇓

Oh. Guess what, bozo? I don't care whether you eat it or not,

#456

⇓

but if you don't tip me, I'm taking out the other eye.

#457

⇓

- Eat mine. - No.

#458

⇓

I'll eat some first. Yeah.

#459

⇓

- I-I got my own spoon. - All right, this is bullshit.

#460

⇓

If you're not gonna tip me, I'm eating your lunch.

#461

⇓

- Be my guest. I don't care. - What do you think about this?

#462

⇓

[both moaning]

#463

⇓

This is delicious.

#464

⇓

- [Dee] Yep. - A little hot. Hot, hot, hot.

#465

⇓

Mine too. Not-Not in temperature

#466

⇓

so much as it's the tiniest bit spicy.

#467

⇓

[both mumble]

#468

⇓

Really enjoying this a lot. [pants]

#469

⇓

- [chuckling] - I've got to take a knee.

#470

⇓

Oh! Shit, shit, shit, shit.

#471

⇓

[groans] How can you possibly make a burger so spicy?

#472

⇓

[both mumbling]

#473

⇓

- This is so hot. - [Dee] You've got to try this.

#474

⇓

[The Lawyer chuckling]

#475

⇓

- [Frank choking] - I'll share that with you.

#476

⇓

[Dee] Call 911! [screams]

#477

⇓

[dispatcher] Got a possible code W59 in progress at Snyder and Pattison.

#478

⇓

- [Charlie] Pepper? - Pattison? That's like right here.

#479

⇓

- Pepper? Pepper, anyone? - Oh, yes. Absolutely.

#480

⇓

Yeah. W59? What is that?

#481

⇓

- Oh! - Snake bite. That's kind of exciting.

#482

⇓

Whoa! That's very interesting to me.

#483

⇓

I've always wanted to suck out snake venom, you know this.

#484

⇓

- Flaming Pepper taking the call. - Let's take it.

#485

⇓

Come on, baby. We're taking the call.

#486

⇓

- [Dee screaming] - [Frank choking]

#487

⇓

Goddamn it. I'm dying.

#488

⇓

Oh, come on.

#489

⇓

What is it? What's going? You guys aren't snake bit, are you?

#490

⇓

Dee thought that was the only way we could get you guys to come up here.

#491

⇓

We said it was a snake bite.

#492

⇓

- I was right. - [The Lawyer] Guys, this is wonderful.

#493

⇓

I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on here,

#494

⇓

but I guarantee you it's going to help me in my suit.

#495

⇓

I love watching all of you fail.

#496

⇓

- Cheers. - [Frank and Dee panting]

#497

⇓

[laughs] I got you!

#498

⇓

- [Frank laughs] - What...

#499

⇓

What's in that?

#500

⇓

That is 100% juiced Carolina Reaper tea.

#501

⇓

- [choking] - I got him. [chuckles]

#502

⇓

[Frank] Got him. Reaper tea. [chuckles]

#503

⇓

[The Lawyer] Somebody...

#504

⇓

What's happening to me?

#505

⇓

- [The Lawyer choking] - Are you all right?

#506

⇓

We're getting close, guys. Almost there. Just hang on.

#507

⇓

How we looking back there?

#508

⇓

He's gonna die!

#509

⇓

Bamboléo. Bamboléo. Bamboléo. Bamboléo. Bamboléo.

#510

⇓

Dee, get those fries out of the fryer, stat.

#511

⇓

It just hurts so bad. You're overspicing the food, chef.

#512

⇓

What are they doing?

#513

⇓

- Enough with the orders. - No, no. Just one more drop.

#514

⇓

[Frank] He's gonna die! Order, order.

#515

⇓

- [siren wailing] - [tires squeal]

#516

⇓

[screams]

#517

⇓

[groans] Oh, God. It burns! Oh, shit, it burns!

#518

⇓

[Charlie] Goddamn it, Dennis. You have to yell "corner!"

#519

⇓

- [pants] I can't see. - [Mac] What?

#520

⇓

Goddamn it! I think I overdosed on the peppers.

#521

⇓

I told you this would happen, Mac.

#522

⇓

- [siren wailing] - [grunts]

#523

⇓

I can't see. Goddamn it! Goddamn you!

#524

⇓

[Charlie, Frank screaming]

#525

⇓

[Dee] Oh, fuck!

#526

⇓

- [siren stops] - [car alarm blaring]

#527

⇓

- [gavel raps] - [judge] All right, all right, all right.

#528

⇓

I've-I've heard enough.

#529

⇓

Joyriding through the city,

#530

⇓

serving food without a permit in an unlicensed ambulance,

#531

⇓

all while impersonating medical professionals.

#532

⇓

For what? Your own twisted amusement?

#533

⇓

What have you got to say for yourself?

#534

⇓

I swear there were other people there.

#535

⇓

I was strapped into a gurney. I passed out.

#536

⇓

Uh, they must have put me in an EMT uniform and-and-and fled the scene.

#537

⇓

Thirty days, Philly Correctional.

#538

⇓

Next case.

#539

⇓

[♪ "Bamboléo" plays]

#540

⇓

[song ends]

#541

⇓