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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S17E03 — Mac and Dennis Become EMTs

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 17, Episode 3 — Mac and Dennis Become EMTs

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: Mac and Dennis Become EMTs

Air date: July 16, 2025

Director: Heath Cullens

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

After witnessing EMTs resuscitate a Paddy's patron, Mac and Dennis set out to become the pinnacle of masculinity; Frank tries to prove a prank's innocence with The Lawyer; Dee attempts to hack her part-time side hustle with Charlie's help as he descends into the fast-paced life of a chef.

Source: TMDB

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[paramedic 1] Don't think this guy's gonna make it. You hear me?

paramedic

↓

[paramedic 2] Did you have an OPA.

paramedic

↓

[paramedic 1] Breathing's irregular and weak.

irregular paramedic weak

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- [paramedic 2] Responsive to pain? - [paramedic 1] Not at all.

pain paramedic

↓

Sir, can you hear me? His lips are super red.

lips super

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[paramedic 2] Purple cyanosis.

paramedic purple

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- Super diaphoretic. - [paramedic 1] Sweating like a pig.

paramedic super sweating

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- What happened to this guy? - We don't know this guy from Adam.

adam happened

↓

We've never seen him before at all. He's a total outsider.

outsider seen total

↓

I never saw him before in the bar at all.

↓

His goddamn heart just stopped for no reason.

goddamn heart reason stopped

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Not no reason. You gave him a hot pepper.

pepper reason

↓

Don't... They don't have to know that.

↓

- Never mind that! - It was a totally unrelated incident.

incident mind unrelated

↓

- Never mind that. - Who was that guy anyway?

mind

↓

Man, just like some random dude who walked in here off the streets.

random streets walked

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- [Frank] Yeah. - Well, we are an open bar.

frank open

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I thought he was, like, a jazzman.

jazzman

↓

I mean, he had a ponytail. He had a piano-key tie.

piano

↓

So I pranked him with a ghost pepper.

ghost pepper pranked

↓

You'd think that a jazzman would be more accustomed to spices, you know?

accustomed jazzman spices

↓

- Right? You'd think he'd be fine. - Yeah, he just dropped...

dropped

↓

- Here you go, Frank. One smash burger. - Oh.

burger frank smash smash-burger

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It's about time.

↓

Okay.

↓

Ooh. Somebody dying or something?

dying somebody

↓

Random jazzman.

jazzman random

↓

Really? Just wandered right in off the streets? No reason?

reason streets wandered

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We are an open, working bar.

open working

↓

Sorry. Wh-What's with the food delivery here?

delivery food

↓

Oh. I'm, uh, doing a Postmates thing as a side gig.

side

↓

- On a bike? [chuckles] - [Charlie] Uh. No, no.

bike charlie chuckles chuckles-charlie

↓

Yeah, no, sorry, uh. I-I mean, why are you ordering food from Dee, Frank?

food frank ordering

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You don't like the burgers that I've been making in the apartment?

apartment burgers

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What? I wanted a smash burger.

burger smash smash-burger wanted

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You don't think I can make a burger and smash it? I'll smash a burger for you.

burger smash

↓

What the hell, Frank? A 5% tip?

frank

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Pedal faster. It's cold as shit.

cold faster pedal

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- [Dee] Goddamn it. - [chuckles]

chuckles goddamn goddamn-it

↓

They're taking him to the hospital.

hospital

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Good job, guys! Good luck!

luck

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Yes, uh, great work, fellas. Uh, thank you for your service.

fellas service

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That guy's gonna sue the shit out of me.

↓

- That's not good, man. - [door closes]

closes door door-closes

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Hey, did anybody else get, like, a crazy rush from that experience?

anybody crazy experience rush

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I did.

↓

[stammers] It's nice to have a little action around here, right?

action stammers

↓

The way those EMTs, like, fire in and they fire out with all the lights

fire lights

↓

- and the sirens, saving lives. - It's awesome.

awesome lives saving sirens

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[Dennis] You know, it's as close to playing God as you can get, you know?

close dennis playing

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And the lifestyle. There's an appeal to it for sure.

appeal lifestyle

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The lifestyle. Yeah, the whole thing is a vibe, and I am here for it.

lifestyle vibe whole

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- Me too. It's sexy. - [chuckles] Yeah, sexy.

chuckles sexy

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You know that they bang the doctors and the nurses, right?

bang doctors nurses

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Of course they do. Of course they do. Are you kidding me?

course kidding

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The lifestyle is spicier than one of Frank's ghost peppers.

franks ghost lifestyle peppers

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Mac, come here for a second.

second

↓

Go with me here, but, uh, I'm sensing an opportunity,

opportunity sensing

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and I'm gonna float something by you that I think is a

float

↓

very reasonable proposition.

proposition reasonable

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[Mac] Hmm.

↓

[♪ theme song plays]

plays song theme theme-song

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Oh.

↓

Uh...

↓

You're not cake, are you?

cake

↓

Nah. It's just a joke between me and the guys...

joke

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Uh... [mutters] Something.

mutters

↓

Anyway, I came over here to say I'm sorry because...

↓

Well, y-you know, actually, it's not my fault.

fault

↓

Well, sure, I gave you a hot pepper and you had a heart attack,

attack heart heart-attack pepper

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but, you know, I-I kind of attribute that to the...

↓

you know, the jazzman lifestyle more than the pepper.

jazzman lifestyle pepper

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Eh? Just checking about the cake thing.

cake checking

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[chuckles] You never know with those guys.

chuckles

↓

Well, well, well.

↓

The Lawyer. What's with the getup?

getup lawyer

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It's not a getup.

getup

↓

It's an eye patch from when I was attacked by a bird.

attacked bird patch

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Gruesome. I wish I'd have seen that.

gruesome seen wish

↓

You did see it.

↓

I don't remember.

remember

↓

You don't remember being present in a court of law

court present remember

↓

while a wild animal pecked out someone's eye?

animal someones wild wild-animal

↓

Can you be more specific?

specific

↓

Oh.

↓

I'll be more specific, Frank.

frank specific

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I'm here looking for clients, and I just found one.

clients found looking

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You just admitted to causing this man grievous harm,

admitted causing harm

↓

and I am going to take you down.

↓

- I'm innocent. - You literally just admitted it.

admitted innocent

↓

- I was lying. - To a man in a coma?

coma lying

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- I thought he was cake. - Okay.

cake

↓

I'll see you in court, Frank.

court frank

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Shit.

↓

This is great, buddy. Frankly, I think we should've done it years ago.

buddy frankly shouldve years

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Agreed. This is the perfect complement

agreed complement perfect

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- to our fast-paced lifestyle. - I think so too.

fast lifestyle

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Plus, I really feel like we should know how to do CPR, you know?

plus

↓

Yes. Yes.

↓

Hey. Uh, pepper?

pepper

↓

And what do we have here?

↓

Well, the incident with the jazzman got me thinking about peppers,

incident jazzman peppers thinking

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getting peppers back into my life.

life peppers

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You know? Peppers spice everything up

peppers spice

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from... from tacos to talk shows.

shows tacos

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[chuckles] That's cute.

chuckles cute

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- Yeah. - Yeah. Okay. I like where your head's at,

heads

↓

but I think really it's maybe a matter of dosage.

dosage matter

↓

Like we-we shouldn't eat a whole pepper.

pepper whole

↓

We saw what happened to the jazzman.

happened jazzman

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I'm thinking maybe microdosing is the way to go.

microdosing thinking

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- Microdose. Explain. - Yep.

explain

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Well, instead of taking 100% of the dose 10% of the time,

dose

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we take 10% of the dose 100% of the time.

dose

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That is scientifically more better.

↓

- Wanna try it? - Yeah.

↓

All right, just take a little nibble.

nibble

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Just a little... a little micro, huh?

micro

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Yeah.

↓

Mm-hmm. And then we just need to repeat

repeat

↓

- that dosage all day and all night. - Absolutely. That's good.

absolutely dosage night

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I'm getting a little heat, but it's not too much heat.

heat

↓

No. I definitely don't need more than that, know what I mean?

↓

- No. I'm gonna need more in 15 minutes. - Well, sure.

minutes

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[instructor] Okay. [chuckles]

chuckles instructor

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- Speaking of spicy... - [instructor] How's everyone doing?

instructor speaking spicy

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...things just got a little caliente .

↓

[instructor] Hello, class, and welcome.

class instructor welcome

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I wanna congratulate you all for making a decision

congratulate decision

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to pursue a career in this field.

career field pursue

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[Dennis, Mac moaning, groaning]

dennis groaning moaning

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Are you two guys all right?

↓

- Yeah. - Uh, yeah.

↓

Yeah, all good. All good. Uh, and may I, uh, compliment you on your uniform?

compliment uniform

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The snugness, uh, really accentuates your physique.

physique

↓

If-If that's okay to say.

↓

Uh... It's not, but let's continue, huh?

continue

↓

Uh, if you don't mind, can we skip to the fun parts?

fun mind parts skip

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- You're not even letting me get started. - [blows]

blows letting started

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Sorry. My, uh, my partner here, he's just excited to save lives.

excited lives partner save

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Okay. Well, I applaud you for your enthusiasm,

applaud enthusiasm

↓

- but let's stay on track here, huh? Now... - [Dennis moaning]

dennis moaning track

↓

- [groans] Um... - Yes?

groans

↓

When I just referred to the gentleman to my right as my partner,

gentleman partner referred

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I meant in medicine, not in life.

life meant medicine

↓

In life, I am very much single.

life single

↓

[chuckles] That's great, but I wanna start this class right now, okay?

chuckles class start

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[grunts] Oh, God. I-I tell you, man, I think I got the dosage off.

dosage grunts

↓

I think I ate a little bit too much.

↓

[chuckles] Less is more. That's on me.

chuckles less

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- The what? - The hot peppers.

peppers

↓

Uh, when do we cover the dosing, the pepper dosing in the class?

class cover pepper

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I don't know what you're even talking about,

↓

but I tell you what, let's talk about CPR.

↓

- Oh, I'd like to volunteer. - No, I don't... [chuckles]

chuckles volunteer

↓

- You're already getting up. All right. - I'm so sorry.

↓

It's so much spicier than I thought.

↓

Now, when we get to the chest compressions,

chest compressions

↓

should I take your shirt off or should you take mine off?

shirt

↓

No shirts come off.

shirts

↓

Actually, I'd love to take my shirt off. I'm getting pretty sweaty.

love shirt sweaty

↓

- Can we start with the dummies, please? - Okay.

dummies start

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And hands go like so, and we want to start with compressions to the song,

compressions hands song start

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♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha Staying alive ♪

alive staying

↓

- Let me give it a shot. Do you mind? - You wanna step in?

mind shot step

↓

Actually, I'd love to step in here and see this thing.

love step

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- Sure. - Yeah.

↓

- How's this? - Ah.

↓

That's-That's-That's a little too fast.

fast

↓

And you see, class, I'm increasing the rate of compressions

class compressions increasing rate

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to ensure maximum blood flow.

blood ensure flow maximum

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- Class, don't listen to him. - [chuckles] It's so hot!

chuckles class

↓

Now, class, you'll notice I am still finding a rhythm.

class finding notice rhythm

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That is way too fast.

fast

↓

[chuckles] Well, somebody doesn't understand double time.

chuckles double somebody

↓

You see, I'm pushing to a much spicier song.

pushing song

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Is everyone familiar with the Gipsy Kings's "Bamboléo"?

familiar

↓

Ah! An excellent choice, very spicy.

choice excellent spicy

↓

Speaking of spice, I brought plenty of peppers for everyone.

brought peppers plenty speaking spice

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[♪ "Bamboléo" by the Gipsy Kings plays]

kings plays

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Gosh, that damn lawyer is gonna jam me the hell up.

gosh lawyer

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- Yeah. - [Frank] Hang on.

frank hang

↓

Maybe I should slip him a ghost pepper.

ghost pepper slip

↓

Yeah, well, that's a good idea.

idea

↓

All right, uh, chili flakes, please.

chili flakes

↓

Wait. What?

↓

[Charlie] I-I need the chili flakes, please. See them?

charlie chili flakes

↓

- Yeah, I see 'em. - "Yes, Chef."

chef

↓

- What? - Say, "Yes, Chef."

chef

↓

Why?

↓

Because the stakes are, uh, very high, you know, this is high-stakes stuff.

stakes stuff

↓

Stakes of what?

stakes

↓

The cooking! It's-It's life-and-death stuff, man.

cooking death life stuff

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- I need you to say, "Yes, chef." - You know what you should do?

chef

↓

You should cook up an extra spicy meal. Really, really spicy.

cook extra meal spicy

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And I'll give it to The Lawyer. I'll trick him into eating it.

eating lawyer trick

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And then if he's not admitted to the hospital,

admitted hospital

↓

it would prove that I'm innocent.

innocent prove

↓

Okay, what if he dies?

dies

↓

Win-win either way, right?

↓

- All right. [grunts] - Oh!

grunts

↓

- Try that, baby! [chuckles] - Good smash.

baby chuckles smash

↓

- Smashed it good! - Really?

smashed

↓

You know how to do that?

↓

Yeah, it's a brick-based medium.

based brick medium

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- Look at that. - Yeah, that's my favorite part.

favorite favorite-part part

↓

What do you think? Same as a smash burger, right?

burger smash smash-burger

↓

- It's great! - Well, I added a little extra spice.

added extra spice

↓

- Oh, yeah. I can feel it. - I've been microdosing myself.

microdosing

↓

- Hey, yo. Here we go, Frank. - Yeah, it goes right up.

frank

↓

Your smash burger.

burger smash smash-burger

↓

- No, you're too late. - Yeah. Oh, sorry about that.

late

↓

That's because I got smashed by a Prius. [chuckles]

chuckles prius smashed

↓

- Ooh. Yeah. - [Dee] Whoops! Yeah.

whoops

↓

- I need some shin guards, I think. - Yeah, looks bad.

guards

↓

[Dee] Yeah, it doesn't feel as bad.

↓

Well, Charlie already made me one, so you get no tip.

charlie

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- Charlie made you that? - Oh, yeah, yeah.

charlie

↓

It's basically the same exact thing as that smash burger.

burger exact smash smash-burger

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- Really good. - Ho-Hold on a second.

second

↓

- What else can you make? - I can make anything. You kidding me?

kidding

↓

Okay. Well, hold on. I'm-I'm getting an idea here.

idea

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- Yeah? - Yeah.

↓

What if you help me spice up my job a little bit, right?

spice

↓

And we make this sort of a ghost kitchen situation.

ghost kitchen situation

↓

We do it right here. I keep my work central,

central

↓

but I really get to crank out the orders a lot faster.

crank faster orders

↓

Okay, I like it. I'll do this for you, Dee.

↓

I will, but you gotta promise me something.

promise

↓

You gotta say, "Yes, chef," "No, chef,"

chef

↓

"On your left, chef," "Corner, chef."

chef corner left

↓

These kind of things. It's gotta work that way, Dee.

↓

- It's gotta work that way. - Why would I say any of those things?

↓

'Cause we're cooking food.

cooking food

↓

- Yep, just food. - It's good.

food

↓

Doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

deal

↓

It's the most serious thing...

serious

↓

- that has ever-- - Yes, chef.

chef

↓

- Yes, chef. - Yeah?

chef

↓

- Don't care. Yep. - Isn't that great?

care

↓

Wait, wait, wait. Dee, before you go,

↓

wanna spice up your bike ride with a habanero?

bike bike-ride ride spice

↓

- Coming through. Coming through! - [horns honking]

coming honking horns horns-honking

↓

On your left, bitch. [screams]

bitch left screams

↓

- [tires screech] - [horns honking]

honking horns horns-honking screech tires tires-screech

↓

[Dee] Yo! Look out. Look out. Look out. Look out, bitch!

bitch

↓

Move it, boner.

boner

↓

Goddamn. Ooh!

goddamn

↓

[tires squeal]

squeal tires tires-squeal

↓

[chuckles] Buddy, getting a refund on those classes

buddy chuckles classes refund

↓

and spending it on a decommissioned ambulance was the way to go.

ambulance spending

↓

The illegality of what we're doing is spicy enough to get me off.

spicy

↓

And speaking of spice, I think we should up the dose.

dose speaking spice

↓

I think we should cool it on the peppers for a little bit.

cool peppers

↓

I mean, you take too much of those things and you can go temporarily blind.

blind

↓

- Blind? That's crazy. No, you can't. - Y-Yes, you can.

blind crazy

↓

[dispatcher] Zebra 3? Zebra 3? You anywhere near 2nd and Race?

dispatcher near race zebra

↓

Got a woman with an injury on the sidewalk.

injury sidewalk woman

↓

Second and Race? That's like a block away.

block race second

↓

- Yeah. - Maybe we should answer it.

answer

↓

- Well, here's one issue. - What?

issue

↓

- We are not EMTs. - Right.

↓

[EMT] This is Zebra 3. We are 20 out. Go to closer unit.

closer unit zebra

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[dispatcher] It's only a turned knee

dispatcher knee turned

↓

and a run to St. Mercy's. I'm sure she can wait.

↓

This is Flaming Pepper, new truck on the rotation.

flaming pepper rotation truck

↓

We're only about a block away. We're gonna stop by.

block

↓

[dispatcher] Roger that, Flaming Pepper.

dispatcher flaming pepper roger

↓

I'll let her know you're on the way.

↓

- [chuckles] - What are you doing?

chuckles

↓

I don't know. I mean, look, what could be spicier than answering a call?

answering

↓

Plus, it's only a hospital run. No big deal.

deal hospital plus

↓

I am intrigued that it's a woman.

woman

↓

Pop a pepper and let's go?

pepper

↓

You know what? Let's do it.

↓

But let's-let's cool it on the peppers, all right? Let's be professional.

cool peppers professional

↓

We'll-We'll take some peppers afterwards.

afterwards peppers

↓

Professional. You got it.

professional

↓

[siren wailing]

siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

- [Mac imitating siren wailing] - [chuckles]

chuckles imitating siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

[both imitating siren wailing]

imitating siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

That's probably enough of the...

↓

- It's doing it on its own. - Yeah. Yeah.

↓

- [siren wailing] - [EMT radio chatter]

chatter radio radio-chatter siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

[siren stops]

siren stops

↓

- [Mac] Ma'am? - How we doing over here, ma'am?

maam

↓

What seems to be the problem?

problem seems

↓

This crazy woman jumps the curb on her bicycle

bicycle crazy curb jumps woman

↓

yelling nonsense about hot peppers.

nonsense peppers yelling

↓

I think I twisted my knee. It might be sprained.

knee might twisted

↓

- Ugh. It's terrible. - [woman] Yeah.

woman

↓

Uh, ma'am, would you, uh, excuse us for one quick second?

excuse maam quick quick-second second

↓

- Come talk to me over here. - Yeah.

↓

- Did you pepper up? - No.

pepper

↓

- Yes, you did. - No.

↓

- [sighs] Okay, I just had a little bit o-- - Goddamn it.

goddamn goddamn-it sighs

↓

Now you're not microdosing anymore.

anymore microdosing

↓

You've slipped into macrodosing.

slipped

↓

- Macrodosing. - Yeah.

↓

That's cool 'cause it's my name.

cool name

↓

[grunts] All right. Damn it. You know what?

grunts

↓

Give me a little bit. 'Cause I feel like I'm dipping a little.

dipping

↓

Just a little, dude.

↓

I'm not going to macrodose or anything. But, you know, a little something.

↓

- Yeah. - Oh, God. Man, that is the stuff.

stuff

↓

But it's a mild heat, right?

heat mild

↓

- Holy shit. All right. Okay. - Oh, yeah. It's good.

holy

↓

Let's save this bitch.

bitch save

↓

Uh, ma'am. [sniffles] I think what you've got there is a sprain.

maam sniffles

↓

Uh, you're gonna... [grunts] ...not wanna put anything hot on it.

grunts

↓

- Or cold. - [Dennis] Yeah. Uh, nothing hot, nothing cold.

cold dennis

↓

Yeah. Lukewarm, really.

↓

Ma'am, you're gonna... you're gonna wanna keep that knee lukewarm.

knee maam

↓

You're gonna wanna take short, shallow breaths.

shallow short

↓

[both breathing sharply]

breathing sharply

↓

Oh, you know what? I gotta check her for a concussion

check concussion

↓

- because I feel like she's acting crazy. - I-I-I didn't hit my head.

acting crazy head

↓

- Just lay back and-- - [woman stammers]

stammers woman

↓

Oh, God. [screams]

screams

↓

Oh, my eye is burning. Was there something on your thumb?

burning thumb

↓

It's probably unrelated.

unrelated

↓

Uh, ma'am. You're becoming a bit hysterical.

becoming hysterical maam

↓

Why don't I do some chest compressions on you.

chest compressions

↓

You wanna pop that sweater off?

sweater

↓

What? No, I need to rinse my eye.

rinse

↓

Well, the sweater needs to come off.

needs sweater

↓

- Yeah, let's make her unconscious. - Why?

unconscious

↓

I feel like this is becoming a whole thing.

becoming whole

↓

- What? - Okay, ma'am, we're gonna get you

maam

↓

- to the hospital right now. - [woman groans]

groans hospital woman

↓

Dude, this is incredible. I feel so alive.

alive incredible

↓

[both chuckle]

chuckle

↓

She definitely wants to bang me, dude.

bang wants

↓

- [chuckles] Yeah, I think so. - Don't you think? Yeah.

chuckles

↓

[siren blares]

blares siren

↓

[♪ "Bamboléo" plays]

plays

↓

Yo. Order up. Let's go.

order

↓

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

↓

[siren wailing]

siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

Wow.

↓

Whoo.

whoo

↓

- Whoo! - Whoo.

whoo whoo-whoo

↓

- [grunting] Goddamn it. - [Mac] I got it.

goddamn goddamn-it grunting

↓

- Hey. Wow, he's okay. - Hey.

↓

- [siren wailing] - [meter blaring]

blaring meter siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

- [Dee] Move! - [pedestrian screams]

screams

↓

You dumb bitch.

bitch dumb dumb-bitch

↓

- [horn honks] - Whoo.

honks horn horn-honks whoo

↓

- Yeah! All right. - [meter blaring]

blaring meter

↓

These are the Chipotle burritos.

burritos

↓

Chipotle burritos. Yes, chef. [grunts]

burritos chef grunts

↓

How's the spice pot?

spice

↓

Spice pot is

spice

↓

spicy but needs more peppers.

needs peppers spicy

↓

Peppers coming up. More peppers.

coming peppers

↓

- Here we go. - I needed a "Yes, chef" there.

chef needed

↓

- Yes, chef. Yes, chef. - Yes, chef. Yes, chef!

chef

↓

- [meter blaring] - [siren wailing]

blaring meter siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Let's go.

↓

[Mac] Go, go, go, go, go, go.

↓

[♪ "Bamboléo" continues playing]

continues continues-playing playing

↓

[siren wailing]

siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

I don't know. I don't think he's gonna make it.

↓

- Looks like he's gonna die. - He's going in and out, isn't he?

↓

- Should we pepper? - You want some pepper, sir?

pepper

↓

Goddamn it. Hands! I need hands!

goddamn goddamn-it hands

↓

- Let's do it. Let's go. - [Mac] Go, go, go, go, go, Frank.

frank

↓

- Go. Put the burger down. Go! - [Dee] Come on, Frank. Come on!

burger frank

↓

[Charlie, Frank grunting]

charlie frank grunting

↓

Hot fries. Hot fries. Hot fries.

fries

↓

- [Mac, Dennis coughing] - [tires screech]

coughing dennis screech tires tires-screech

↓

Sir. [sniffles] Are you okay?

sniffles

↓

I think we gotta do compressions, man.

compressions

↓

Compressions, go.

compressions

↓

Whoo! [grunts]

grunts whoo

↓

Come on. Pick it up, grandpa.

grandpa pick

↓

- Whoo! Oh, God! It's all seeds. - [meter blaring]

blaring meter seeds whoo

↓

It's all seeds.

seeds

↓

- [siren continues] - [Mac imitating siren]

continues imitating siren

↓

[song ends]

ends song song-ends

↓

- [Charlie] Order up. [sighs]

charlie order sighs

↓

We did it, Charlie. This chili is maxed out. I mean, I gotta go.

charlie chili

↓

Oh, what? What? No. [stammers] You can't go. Come on, I got orders, bud.

orders stammers

↓

[stammers] I gotta go trick The Lawyer.

lawyer stammers trick

↓

Come on, I need my expediter.

↓

[Charlie] What? I'll be in here all by myself?

charlie

↓

Come on, Frank, I need you, buddy.

buddy frank

↓

- Hey, yo! There he is. - Oh!

↓

- What do you got for us, buddy? - [Charlie] Oh.

buddy buddy-charlie charlie

↓

- Anything for my first responders. - [Mac grunts]

grunts

↓

- [Charlie cheering] - My guy. My guy. My guy. Hey! All right.

charlie cheering

↓

Whoo-hoo! [grunting]

grunting whoo

↓

- Oh, yeah. - That's hot.

↓

[screams]

screams

↓

Getting high on your own supply over there?

supply

↓

- [Charlie laughs] - You mind?

charlie laughs mind

↓

Yeah. Well, I'm in the weeds, boys.

boys weeds

↓

You know, I need it just to get by.

↓

How's it going for you fellas? How's it going out there in the streets?

fellas streets

↓

Highs and lows. I don't love the blood.

blood love lows

↓

A lot of blood in my line of work too.

blood line

↓

[chuckles] Well, there shouldn't be.

chuckles

↓

Yeah, but you get the finger. I got Frank once or twice.

finger frank twice

↓

- There really shouldn't be-- - It's life-and-death stuff.

death life stuff

↓

Not really though.

↓

- It is for the animals, I guess. [laughs] - [Dennis laughs]

animals dennis laughs

↓

I always feel like I could use a little more action, you know what I mean?

action

↓

- [coughs] You want more spice? - I want more spice.

coughs spice

↓

- [Charlie] Yeah? - Yeah.

charlie

↓

Okay. I'm done.

↓

- Pepper me. - Oh!

pepper

↓

Bingo!

bingo

↓

Dang, what happened to you?

dang happened

↓

Oh, bike got smashed by a crosstown bus.

bike smashed

↓

- Smashing ups everywhere. - Interesting.

interesting smashing

↓

Hey, this-this-this might be the peppers talking here, but, um, go with me.

might peppers

↓

I'm sensing an opportunity to smash all of these ideas together...

ideas opportunity sensing smash

↓

[gasps] ...and really spice up our lives.

gasps lives spice

↓

Now I'm gonna float out something that I believe to be...

believe float

↓

[pants] ...a very reasonable proposition.

pants proposition reasonable

↓

- [Dee pants, coughs] - [Charlie coughs]

charlie coughs pants

↓

What is it?

↓

[siren wailing]

siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

Okay, I got two smash burgers and a side of curly fries.

burgers curly curly-fries fries side smash

↓

- On your left! - Oh, yeah, thank you.

left

↓

- Thank you what? - Thank you, chef!

chef

↓

- Corner! - [tires squeal]

corner squeal tires tires-squeal

↓

- [tires squeal] - [horn honks]

honks horn horn-honks squeal tires tires-squeal

↓

[both laughing]

laughing

↓

This is the spice I was looking for, baby!

baby looking spice

↓

Oh.

↓

Well, well, well. Hmm. New office, huh?

office

↓

Popcorn ceiling, right next to the highway. This place is trash.

ceiling highway place popcorn trash

↓

Mr. Reynolds, always a pleasure.

pleasure reynolds

↓

I wanna talk about a settlement.

settlement

↓

I bet you do,

↓

because if I were your attorney,

attorney

↓

I would be begging for the same thing.

begging

↓

But unfortunately for you...

unfortunately

↓

- Whoo! - ...I am not.

whoo

↓

My depth perception is terrible.

depth perception

↓

Why?

↓

Because of the goddamn eye.

goddamn

↓

What happened to your eye?

happened

↓

Are you serious?

serious

↓

Let's talk about this like gentlemen.

gentlemen

↓

I brought you some chili.

brought chili

↓

Okay, I'm not eating that. I'm sure it's poison.

eating poison

↓

Besides, I ordered for myself.

besides ordered

↓

No, my food's better.

foods

↓

And-And there's nothing the matter with that chili.

chili matter

↓

That is tasty chili.

chili tasty

↓

- I-I promise. - Hey. Lawyer.

lawyer promise

↓

- Not now, Dee. - He Postmated. I'm delivering.

delivering

↓

Okay-- I don't want any food delivered by any of you.

delivered food

↓

Oh. Guess what, bozo? I don't care whether you eat it or not,

bozo care whether

↓

but if you don't tip me, I'm taking out the other eye.

↓

- Eat mine. - No.

↓

I'll eat some first. Yeah.

↓

- I-I got my own spoon. - All right, this is bullshit.

bullshit spoon

↓

If you're not gonna tip me, I'm eating your lunch.

eating lunch

↓

- Be my guest. I don't care. - What do you think about this?

care guest

↓

[both moaning]

moaning

↓

This is delicious.

delicious

↓

- [Dee] Yep. - A little hot. Hot, hot, hot.

↓

Mine too. Not-Not in temperature

temperature

↓

so much as it's the tiniest bit spicy.

spicy

↓

[both mumble]

mumble

↓

Really enjoying this a lot. [pants]

enjoying pants

↓

- [chuckling] - I've got to take a knee.

chuckling knee

↓

Oh! Shit, shit, shit, shit.

↓

[groans] How can you possibly make a burger so spicy?

burger groans possibly spicy

↓

[both mumbling]

mumbling

↓

- This is so hot. - [Dee] You've got to try this.

↓

[The Lawyer chuckling]

chuckling lawyer

↓

- [Frank choking] - I'll share that with you.

choking frank share

↓

[Dee] Call 911! [screams]

screams

↓

[dispatcher] Got a possible code W59 in progress at Snyder and Pattison.

code dispatcher possible progress

↓

- [Charlie] Pepper? - Pattison? That's like right here.

charlie pepper

↓

- Pepper? Pepper, anyone? - Oh, yes. Absolutely.

absolutely pepper

↓

Yeah. W59? What is that?

↓

- Oh! - Snake bite. That's kind of exciting.

bite exciting snake

↓

Whoa! That's very interesting to me.

interesting whoa

↓

I've always wanted to suck out snake venom, you know this.

snake suck wanted

↓

- Flaming Pepper taking the call. - Let's take it.

flaming pepper

↓

Come on, baby. We're taking the call.

baby

↓

- [Dee screaming] - [Frank choking]

choking frank screaming

↓

Goddamn it. I'm dying.

dying goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Oh, come on.

↓

What is it? What's going? You guys aren't snake bit, are you?

snake

↓

Dee thought that was the only way we could get you guys to come up here.

↓

We said it was a snake bite.

bite snake

↓

- I was right. - [The Lawyer] Guys, this is wonderful.

lawyer

↓

I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on here,

absolutely idea

↓

but I guarantee you it's going to help me in my suit.

guarantee suit

↓

I love watching all of you fail.

fail love watching

↓

- Cheers. - [Frank and Dee panting]

cheers frank panting

↓

[laughs] I got you!

laughs

↓

- [Frank laughs] - What...

frank laughs

↓

What's in that?

↓

That is 100% juiced Carolina Reaper tea.

carolina

↓

- [choking] - I got him. [chuckles]

choking chuckles

↓

[Frank] Got him. Reaper tea. [chuckles]

chuckles frank

↓

[The Lawyer] Somebody...

lawyer somebody

↓

What's happening to me?

↓

- [The Lawyer choking] - Are you all right?

choking lawyer

↓

We're getting close, guys. Almost there. Just hang on.

close hang

↓

How we looking back there?

looking

↓

He's gonna die!

↓

Bamboléo. Bamboléo. Bamboléo. Bamboléo. Bamboléo.

↓

Dee, get those fries out of the fryer, stat.

fries stat

↓

It just hurts so bad. You're overspicing the food, chef.

chef food hurts

↓

What are they doing?

↓

- Enough with the orders. - No, no. Just one more drop.

drop orders

↓

[Frank] He's gonna die! Order, order.

frank order

↓

- [siren wailing] - [tires squeal]

siren siren-wailing squeal tires tires-squeal wailing

↓

[screams]

screams

↓

[groans] Oh, God. It burns! Oh, shit, it burns!

burns groans

↓

[Charlie] Goddamn it, Dennis. You have to yell "corner!"

charlie corner dennis goddamn goddamn-it yell

↓

- [pants] I can't see. - [Mac] What?

pants

↓

Goddamn it! I think I overdosed on the peppers.

goddamn goddamn-it peppers

↓

I told you this would happen, Mac.

happen

↓

- [siren wailing] - [grunts]

grunts siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

I can't see. Goddamn it! Goddamn you!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

[Charlie, Frank screaming]

charlie frank screaming

↓

[Dee] Oh, fuck!

fuck

↓

- [siren stops] - [car alarm blaring]

alarm alarm-blaring blaring siren stops

↓

- [gavel raps] - [judge] All right, all right, all right.

gavel judge

↓

I've-I've heard enough.

heard

↓

Joyriding through the city,

city joyriding

↓

serving food without a permit in an unlicensed ambulance,

ambulance food permit serving

↓

all while impersonating medical professionals.

medical professionals

↓

For what? Your own twisted amusement?

amusement twisted

↓

What have you got to say for yourself?

↓

I swear there were other people there.

swear

↓

I was strapped into a gurney. I passed out.

gurney passed strapped

↓

Uh, they must have put me in an EMT uniform and-and-and fled the scene.

fled must scene uniform

↓

Thirty days, Philly Correctional.

days philly thirty

↓

Next case.

case

↓

[♪ "Bamboléo" plays]

plays

↓

[song ends]

ends song song-ends