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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S01E05 — Gun Fever

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 1, Episode 5 — Gun Fever

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: Gun Fever
Air date: August 30, 2005
Director: Dan Attias
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson
The guys buy a gun after the bar's safe is stolen.
Source: TMDB
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MAC: You're such a dildo, dude. DENNIS: Thanks, dude.
dennisdildothanks
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That's a good way to start the day.
start
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Is that soy veggie health drink
drinkhealthveggie
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supposed to erase the damage you did to your liver last night?
damageeraselivernightsupposed
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Is that coffee gonna help you forget that elephant you slept with?
coffeeelephantforgetslept
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Come on. You don't have to be so judgmental.
judgmental
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- She was gross, dude. - She wasn't that gross.
gross
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Maybe if you lowered your standards a bit, you'd get laid more.
laidloweredstandards
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- Give me a sip of this. - No!
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I just wanna try it.
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You do not get to taste my delicious healthy drink
deliciousdrinkhealthytaste
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after making fun of it. - Why not? Just give it to me.
fun
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'Cause I don't know what kind of diseases that girl had.
diseasesgirl
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She doesn't have any diseases!
diseases
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- Dude, she was really gross. DEE: Guys!
gross
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- We got a real serious problem. - There's been a B&E, dude.
problemrealseriousserious-problem
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ALL: A what? - A B&E, dude!
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- A B&E? - What does that mean?
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Somebody broke into the bar and stole our safe.
brokesafesomebodystole
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- Breaking and entering. B&E. - What? No...
breakingentering
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- Are you serious? - My God!
serious
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- When did this happen? - Last night, I guess.
happennight
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We just walked in this morning and found it like that.
foundmorningwalked
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- Who locked up last night? - I did. The locks weren't broken.
brokenlockedlocksnight
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So somebody just waltzed in here and stole the safe?
safesomebodystole
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- Yeah, but it's not my fault. - How is it not your fault?
fault
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- Well, it's somebody's fault. DEE: I know it's somebody's fault!
faultsomebodyssomebodys-fault
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- Well, it's somebody's fault! DEE: I know that!
faultsomebodyssomebodys-fault
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Guys! We're not gonna get anywhere yelling at each other.
yelling
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- We need to be rational. - All right.
rational
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- It's clear what needs to happen. - What?
clearhappenneeds
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We need to buy a gun.
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So what do you think?
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I think next time you boys ought to get the kind of safe
boysoughtsafe
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that a relatively small man can't just carry away.
carryrelatively
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But there's been a string of these robberies all over the area.
areastring
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- You don't have any leads or... - Not really.
leads
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Not really. What in the hell does that even mean?
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How could there not be any leads? The guy must have left something.
leadsleftmust
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- People are working on it. - Hey, you guys.
working
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They're pretty sure it's the same guy
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who's been hitting all the bars around here.
barshitting
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- We know, Charlie. - So we're done here, Harris.
charlieharris
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- What? So that's it? - Yeah.
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We'll call you if we come up with anything.
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- Well, thanks. - Yeah, thanks.
thanks
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Let's go get that gun.
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- No. Guns are not a good idea. - What?
gunsidea
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They're dangerous. Someone's gonna get hurt.
dangeroushurtsomeones
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- Yeah. Mac, no guns. - Guys, somebody stole our safe.
gunssafesomebodystole
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Am I crazy? We need to be able to protect ourselves
ablecrazyprotect
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n case something like this happens again.
casehappens
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Clearly, Philly's finest don't give a shit.
finest
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Mac is absolutely right. What if one of us was here when it happened?
absolutelyhappened
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- We would have been killed. - Come on. You don't know that.
killed
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CHARLIE: Well... DEE: Come on.
charlie
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- Hey, babe. - Hey, Colin.
babecolin
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- Was that law enforcement? - Yeah.
enforcement
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- Is everything all right? - No. We got robbed last night.
nightrobbed
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Shit! Are you kidding me? What happened?
happenedkidding
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Remember the other day when you were making fun of us
funremember
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for having such a tiny safe? - That really sucks, guys.
havingsafesuckstiny
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We have reservations at Guajino's at 12:00, and...
reservations
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- Yep. Just about... - Guys, it's a travesty. I'm sorry.
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(whispering) No guns.
gunswhispering
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Dude, your sister has the worst taste in men.
sistertasteworst
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No shit. I hate that guy. He's like a full-on '80s movie stereotype.
fullhatemoviestereotype
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- Plus, he's a total player. - What do you mean?
playerplustotal
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You don't know about this? My God!
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That guy's dated every hot bartender in town.
bartenderdatedtown
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I saw him a week ago with Wendy from Dirty Frank's.
dirtyfranksweekwendy
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- Hand down the back of her pants. - Gross.
grosshandpants
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- Very gross. - Whatever, dude. Charlie, close up.
charlieclosegross
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Dennis, let's go get us a gun.
dennis
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Do you really think they're gonna buy one?
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No. I mean, I told them not to,
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but Mac gets a boner every single time he thinks about a gun.
bonersinglethinks
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- I think it's a great idea. - I'm sorry?
idea
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I think it's really smart.
smart
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Owning and knowing how to properly use a firearm
knowingowningproperly
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s an important part of what makes this country great.
countrymakespart
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Well, that's what I was trying to tell them...
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- To tell you the truth... - What?
truth
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There's nothing sexier than when you're firing a gun.
firingsexier
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Actually, it really turns me on.
turns
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That's exactly why I want you to teach me how to use one, sexy.
sexyteach
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- It would be my pleasure. - I think the pleasure is mine.
pleasure
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You've got a poppy seed in your teeth.
poppypoppy-seedseedteeth
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- Get it? - It's a big one.
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You might wanna go to the bathroom.
bathroommight
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CHARLIE: Yeah! Calm down! All right!
calmcharlie
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- Hwang... You're just in time. - Charlie, my rent.
charliehwangrent
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- Okay, listen. - No! I cannot wait anymore!
anymorecannot
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Don't come over here and just start yelling at me!
startyelling
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(shouting indistinctly) Hwang... Wait!
hwangindistinctlyshouting
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Let me go get something, and I'll fix it.
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All right, hurry up. Hurry up!
hurry
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I can't wait too long! Hwang not patient!
hwangpatient
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- You getting my money? - Do you want a rice krispie treat?
moneyricetreat
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- $854 you owe me! - I realize how much money it is!
moneyrealize
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I'm not gonna take it no more! I placed a couple bad investments!
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(shouting continues) (shouting) Hwang!
continueshwangshoutingshouting-continues
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I placed a couple of bad investments.
coupleinvestmentsplaced
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- It could happen to anyone, right? - Okay.
happen
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I'm going to get your...
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Goddamn money by the end of the month, okay?
goddamngoddamn-moneymoneymonth
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I come back tomorrow. I want my goddamn money!
goddamngoddamn-moneymoneytomorrow
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- Yeah, tomorrow. - I want my money!
moneytomorrow
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(indistinct shouting)
indistinctindistinct-shoutingshouting
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Dickhead!
dickhead
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We're gonna be very careful about this, right?
careful
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We'll stash it right here just in case we need it.
casestash
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Until then, we don't go near it.
near
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Hopefully, we never have to pick it up again.
hopefullypick
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Hopefully.
hopefully
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- You wanna shoot it? - Yes.
shoot
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- Yeah! - Yes!
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How do you like me now, log? You totally killed that log, dude.
killed
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I totally killed it. I always knew that I'd be good at this stuff.
killedstuff
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- You're a really good shot, Dennis. - Thanks, bro.
dennisshotthanks
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- You're pretty good, too, hoss. - You hit the log a bunch of times.
bunchhosstimes
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If that log was trying to rob the place, you would have killed it.
killedplace
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- I would have killed it! - You totally would have killed it.
killed
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- You wanna shoot it some more? - Yeah!
shoot
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- Can I load it up though? - Absolutely! You like the sound.
absolutelyloadsound
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- I like the sound of the clip. - Hey!
clipsound
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- What the hell are you guys doing? - Charlie, check it out.
charliecheck
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- No... - Check it out.
check
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- That's not fun! That's not a toy. - Come on, Charlie.
charliefun
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I'm serious, man. You shouldn't be playing around with guns.
gunsplayingserious
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First, we need to open the bar. We got robbed.
openrobbed
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Hwang is all over my ass because of rent.
hwangrent
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- You wanna hold it? - No.
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- Come on, Charlie. Just hold it. - I wanna open the bar.
charlieopen
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- Charlie, hold it for a little bit. - No, I don't wanna hold it.
charlie
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Give me the gun. Fine. Yes. I'll hold the gun. Good. Nice.
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Really nice feel to it. That's really good.
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- Is this thing loaded? - It can be.
loaded
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- That's my boy! - That's amazing!
amazing
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- Yeah. Can you feel it? - You bet I can feel it!
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- Describe what you feel. - I feel like... I feel focused.
describefocused
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I feel badass and just badass, you know?
badass
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- I think he's got it, Mac. - Yes, he does.
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- Got what? - My boy, you've got the gun fever.
fever
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That's what I'm talking about.
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- You seeing this? - Yeah.
seeing
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- That is sexy. - Yep, totally.
sexy
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- You feeling sexy? - I don't know.
feelingsexy
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It's all right to be nervous. Everyone's nervous their first time.
everyonesnervous
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But I promise you, once you put your hand around this,
handpromise
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you are gonna love it.
love
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Actually, I've got something I think you'll love.
love
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I'd rather watch you shoot the gun here.
shootwatch
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- What if I... Okay. - Just shoot the gun, Dee.
shoot
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Why would I not be serious?
serious
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All right. Thanks, Detective.
detectivethanks
↓
5303b218-1672-4891-9f8c-abdef78dd3c1.gif
- Nothing? - No, nothing.
↓
525d5786-7644-4a9e-b61a-b0bbec0b81db.gif
I don't think they're taking this seriously on any level, dude.
level
↓
de041781-30dd-4c32-837b-2f34bf23278f.gif
Of course they're not, dude. This is what I'm talking about.
course
↓
6881867b-0d87-4951-97e0-263b75099056.gif
These cops don't give a shit about us.
cops
↓
d7d4a61c-95e5-4395-aecb-5b8cb8d50df4.gif
I think it's time we took matters into our own hands.
handsmatters
↓
13fa2359-e87b-406b-9829-53915cec9c5d.gif
How?
↓
ce2a9f36-08f7-4169-9616-7124213a1045.gif
Maybe we should do a little investigating of our own.
investigating
↓
f48174ef-3da7-4e86-9913-0a1b5881ebb6.gif
Do some snooping around, try to crack the case.
casecracksnooping
↓
3b46e11f-52ba-4a1f-8d86-860a23bfc57c.gif
- We got the gun. - That's true.
↓
8edda1f7-c0a5-417f-9bd1-1afa3e06296d.gif
- Wanna go shoot it some more? - Yes!
shoot
↓
be0d6376-f382-4cc0-877d-74e1167836a3.gif
Let's do that.
↓
c97404b9-2a39-4f78-868b-eb113494880e.gif
- What the hell? - What?
↓
655293f9-c141-4187-95c0-54c70922fd5e.gif
- Dude, the gun's not here. - Holy shit!
gunsholy
↓
5c5ea608-f989-4c0e-8370-2ab9918b6992.gif
Look!
↓
5979efe4-0b9d-4193-9194-453818dfee72.gif
- Charlie? - Charlie.
charliecharlie-charlie
↓
83e036fd-2a09-4d9b-96bd-e08e66094c12.gif
Yeah, I got the gun.
↓
026c9bda-ddda-4e06-a18f-4284e3f75284.gif
- Yeah, I know. I just... - You just what?
↓
75968d6b-529d-4746-91fd-441c50e2b151.gif
I just needed it.
needed
↓
2ff4de88-af26-45c2-8ef9-368ec77baf14.gif
- Is this the gun fever talking? - No.
fever
↓
edb2c76d-1b22-410d-8a8a-13b5dad7a590.gif
I don't have the gun fever, man. Look, I'm coming in to work later.
comingfever
↓
eadb52e1-7c00-4b42-9495-c0546333eec8.gif
- I'll bring it with me. - I don't like the sound of this.
bringsound
↓
b2850da0-dcea-42f7-aa28-4768147b0138.gif
(pounding on door) I gotta go. I'll see you guys at the bar.
doorpounding
↓
aa8c8810-cb51-4578-8925-9d64085ebdc9.gif
He hung up.
hung
↓
bd7598c0-4c31-4994-a954-3491c01c4212.gif
(pounding continues) All right! I'm coming! Dammit!
comingcontinuesdammitpounding
↓
4cee35ee-95ac-4475-8fe6-f2438ef10c37.gif
Hang on a second there. (pounding continues)
continueshangpoundingsecond
↓
f6bd83d1-70ff-4e57-b564-4654c29eef24.gif
- Hey, Hwang. - So you got my money now?
hwangmoney
↓
08b8eecb-b744-4115-af42-bab6a1275730.gif
I got some rice krispie treats in the fridge. You want some more?
fridgericetreats
↓
720cd9c9-64e6-401d-a95f-65465f894649.gif
(chuckles)
chuckles
↓
36a7af31-7f12-42fb-9feb-78c18709b6db.gif
Charlie, I don't like you. I never liked you.
charlieliked
↓
38016d5f-c023-4614-bcd7-85777363376f.gif
So just give me my money, or Hwang will be forced to...
forcedhwangmoney
↓
b4f3a6b3-a225-4950-bcf7-201f8208d142.gif
(sighs) I'm sorry. Forced to...
forcedsighs
↓
f54ead2d-e093-4477-b3d2-c1881edb502e.gif
What you doing? What's that?
↓
0ce9b37b-5d82-4ce0-86b7-1d41f6f9536d.gif
So, listen, Hwang.
hwang
↓
091d8775-06e7-4541-84cc-ca882c4cb979.gif
Let me talk to you about your money for a second.
moneysecond
↓
26af9dba-d0c3-4809-ab6c-6a8d19b14201.gif
I don't have it right now. I just don't have it.
↓
6c88b58e-e803-4143-b477-0f8165ceca73.gif
But I'm gonna get it, because I have my ways.
ways
↓
2680f420-b603-4c09-8003-41aa47bafcd5.gif
Do you know what I mean when I say I have my ways?
ways
↓
ece32ffd-6c42-484f-bf48-3784913376db.gif
What is that? Is that a yes?
↓
c551f4b3-e437-4644-b993-e1ae43c7e0ab.gif
(laughs) Hwang... Sometimes I can't understand you.
hwanglaughssometimes
↓
bb6cb488-ad67-4730-af94-17f5ae8deb73.gif
You're talking, but I don't understand you.
↓
b7da83be-1d0d-4353-9802-6d0f986f4c2c.gif
So say yes if you know what I mean when I say I have my ways.
ways
↓
2a1ebef4-abcf-4954-b51a-df0a814c2c0e.gif
- Yes. - Good boy. Get lost.
lost
↓
3c77a516-377b-4b62-9c5e-99900cf276b9.gif
(whistling) (trilling)
whistling
↓
15a5704e-1c4a-4fc2-8523-ea09973c3c90.gif
(shudders) (gags)
gagsshudders
↓
f7f92dcc-0367-45f5-93be-98baade9a0b3.gif
So we got the binoculars. We got the ziplock baggies.
binoculars
↓
6215020a-4032-4c36-89f9-57415ecd7c65.gif
We got the maglite.
↓
daaec897-88d1-481d-bf3a-81c3c0c3fc2f.gif
I think as soon as Charlie gets here with the gun, we're all set.
charlie
↓
0e4bfaa4-5025-4723-9676-ef8cad6aacc6.gif
This is great, dude. We're like the Hardy Boys.
boyshardy
↓
7f31159c-c597-4325-b932-010ffc3c7c82.gif
- Okay. - So I'll be Frank. You be Joe.
frank
↓
36a66537-46ed-4c1b-97a7-2be647538fb4.gif
'Cause Frank was kind of the leader, and that makes a little more sense.
frankleadermakessense
↓
5c0e1e60-51e4-4280-b209-02f203e9177a.gif
- Didn't Frank have the blond hair? - Yeah, but...
blondfrankhair
↓
81899616-cf0a-40bb-acbc-db9cb226a322.gif
So I should be Frank 'cause I have lighter...
franklighter
↓
0d5d5d51-bfe1-4c1a-b42c-78072bc356ff.gif
The hair color doesn't matter. It's about who's making the plans.
colorhairmatterplans
↓
1fc91f0e-df9d-45d8-aab2-ba1b234c0434.gif
If we're gonna play Frank and Joe Hardy...
frankhardy
↓
eaaa57e3-63b9-458e-8eb4-1142078ac99a.gif
But I'm the leader clearly in this partnership!
leaderpartnership
↓
89d7bf66-0b65-425f-94df-c760406101a8.gif
- Why are we talking about this? - We have a lot of work to do.
↓
2812916a-b112-43e1-ba90-179effe2ae90.gif
- What's the first step? - I'm the leader. Great. Let's roll.
leaderrollstep
↓
f3456b6f-4641-4a20-840c-9cfcc045b439.gif
Wait, no. We can't go. What are you doing?
↓
1f1eefd8-30d3-4a99-ad79-dfe42ed12a9d.gif
We gotta open up the bar.
open
↓
caccf620-c1f1-40f4-a900-b3d6adcd4dbf.gif
Or we could call your sister to do her job,
sister
↓
9f20942b-e465-4afe-8812-45ce2463f35f.gif
that is, if she's not having sex with Colin
colinhaving
↓
50b7e172-0985-4b20-a54b-0b39fd47289c.gif
and every other bartender in Philadelphia.
bartenderphiladelphia
↓
1e3d6752-53b3-4101-8eea-74d75e0ba9fe.gif
- Don't do that. It's gross. - We need to jump on this.
grossjump
↓
61a5a9b4-b32b-4584-9c5a-92b14f3ff0e7.gif
- Let's go do some investigating. - All right.
investigating
↓
e4ebbb02-b9a7-47f6-9017-50016b4885b2.gif
- Wait a second. - What?
second
↓
790b844b-5105-494a-b39f-d8fa8db28022.gif
Holy shit! I know who stole our safe.
holysafestole
↓
37eb2c8c-ff93-4874-8877-e17597e73de4.gif
- You do? - Yeah. Let's go get that gun.
↓
76b0b1b4-8195-4a3b-87c8-c10977e9b327.gif
Yeah, let's get the gun. Wait. Bag...
↓
07019f73-9611-46b3-a744-3481d7e8de5b.gif
- I'm driving. - Okay. No, I'm driving.
driving
↓
eba74e42-00b0-453a-b39f-536a6632fb76.gif
I hope Charlie didn't do anything stupid.
charliehopestupid
↓
bd0eb9ec-15dc-4929-8f2f-35ccce9ba127.gif
Whatever Charlie's doing now, it's probably pretty stupid.
charliesstupid
↓
ce9edf27-f622-4ad0-8932-273e0db76af8.gif
Let's just hope nobody got hurt.
hopehurtnobody
↓
11f6de54-2142-4986-9ad9-9ad5e4b2645a.gif
- Yo. - Hey, dude.
↓
ec2ad926-d25f-4a4a-ae68-30f1d4dc76fd.gif
- Hey, guys. - Can we get that gun?
↓
a7f9d7c3-2ac4-479b-acac-174000fee06e.gif
Oh. Why?
↓
ea42de25-3a0e-4eb3-a185-624bbdccee00.gif
First of all, we shouldn't have to tell you why.
↓
52164766-d0f3-4d09-a349-5e0867fd911e.gif
We bought it. It's ours. But if you must know,
boughtmust
↓
f05d1eea-548a-4538-959e-d884a7cfcd9b.gif
t's because we know who knocked over the bar.
knocked
↓
576b9f59-8389-4927-89d7-c7fd1bc88995.gif
- Really? - Yeah.
↓
5a68ae72-904d-40ca-b948-84b47f81a12e.gif
- Can we get the gun? - Why?
↓
31ad93fd-4915-4a6e-890b-0aabb2eb650c.gif
Because we know who... You know what, dude? Move.
↓
ac4a6abf-3612-4902-98bd-68e2729195ae.gif
This place is a shit-hole, Charlie. It smells.
charlieholeplacesmells
↓
a5eeb0aa-c9eb-400a-9220-79a57723f5ea.gif
So, don't you wanna know who did it?
↓
267994c4-f679-44be-8be3-b00ae1a34e84.gif
- Yeah. Who was it? - Colin.
colin
↓
132c7e1b-6cd5-4841-a851-9869a0cc32d3.gif
Yeah. Think about it. It all makes sense.
makesmakes-sensesense
↓
11682666-4f73-4a7f-8174-498c8aca4644.gif
Colin goes around town with every hot bartender chick, right?
bartenderchickcolintown
↓
5bc4cb5d-4bb6-4e9d-b4c2-b150c7444f85.gif
He woos them with his charm and his good looks.
charm
↓
231f568b-4dd6-4b93-95e6-f5d0f7f3fd49.gif
He finds out where the safes are. He finds out how to get in.
finds
↓
165c3fbe-fb8a-41c6-8d92-c9d6434e1b29.gif
You remember when Sweet Dee said that he was laughing
laughingremembersweet
↓
10b53123-c680-4a74-92bd-77cb7515d948.gif
about how small the safe was?
safe
↓
de8baca9-213c-413e-9aed-d8324b3456bc.gif
You saw how quickly he changed the subject
changedquicklysubject
↓
1f68d6b1-5dfe-42d8-8dd3-d50607dff2ee.gif
when she brought that safe up. - Right. So what's the plan?
broughtplansafe
↓
d15c2302-a08c-43f1-9ae5-5c75b5088139.gif
I'll slide the gun meaningfully into the front of my pants.
frontpantsslide
↓
62e927cb-26af-4359-9e15-fbecfcea27df.gif
I know that game. (chuckles)
chucklesgame
↓
ca9beb25-be47-4095-9edd-a8cb5b09f394.gif
- So why don't you go get it? - Go get the gun!
↓
c008b0f1-ca71-409a-b1b5-49e5e9a5b3b2.gif
All right. Here. Do you want it? (sighs)
sighs
↓
341659f1-a4e4-4c7d-a12c-dbca66073e3f.gif
Hey, Dee. Are you with Colin right now?
colin
↓
09341806-30cf-41cf-a4dc-0f06e66befb8.gif
No. He had to meet someone at Fingers Bar?
fingersmeet
↓
60965b28-d1f0-44b2-8a42-50bfbfbb77d6.gif
Okay.
↓
8e48da2a-618a-4aed-b2d9-b536462f6070.gif
Why don't you take the night off? You deserve it.
deservenight
↓
7575d306-c4ad-4a3f-baf1-cc1d6ea810a4.gif
You're welcome. Bye.
welcome
↓
71ae22c5-5dc1-4f18-a737-2adfdf76574f.gif
- You ready? - Ready, Freddy.
freddyready
↓
45874276-f9e7-462e-9872-3912fa6b1b20.gif
It goes... Stick it back in...
stick
↓
b5f4ed47-ccf8-48b6-a51d-bda16a640dcc.gif
DENNIS: What a penis! - Like you wouldn't do such a thing?
dennispenis
↓
ff22e474-4b0d-4b99-847c-bd8487229739.gif
- Come on. Let's nail this prick. - Wait. Hold on a second.
nailpricksecond
↓
0cc14b3e-11dd-4dbb-aa49-6efb3c7d4664.gif
- Didn't Fingers already get robbed? - Yeah.
fingersrobbed
↓
c4c8b08b-e629-45c0-b30f-7e0b6d9f9bbd.gif
So what's this guy doing, going in for round two?
round
↓
46416771-0f66-408f-945f-450c8bdabb9c.gif
- I don't know. Can we do this? - Wait. Hold on.
↓
4118e6fd-f45d-4876-b3ac-713841a03cc8.gif
Do you think he'd be dumb enough to rob the same bar twice?
dumbtwice
↓
08d30a02-e472-48f5-b3ca-727ff0e88809.gif
- Yeah, I do. - Me, too.
↓
6d33f90a-818b-4703-955e-bc209b36c7fb.gif
All right, change of plans. Leave the gun.
changeplans
↓
3f3f402d-7d01-4d64-8222-5b617ff32a93.gif
I'm gonna get this asshole to hit Paddy's again.
assholepaddys
↓
6fe0b534-3456-4c00-b534-0699fdb8f2c2.gif
Follow my lead. I'm the leader.
followleadleader
↓
8e303b35-6eda-43a2-8ad0-2ea879b5a2e2.gif
- Hey, Colin! - Colin!
colin
↓
ed65ef95-fb5e-4f73-8473-3f2c93c6d073.gif
- What are you doing here? - Hey, fellas.
fellas
↓
4c287d60-8eb2-4f57-bad7-13e4c6bde033.gif
- Didn't expect to see you here. - Yeah. Actually, I was leaving.
expectleaving
↓
e097d2c4-703a-4fb1-b023-3a3c1e2da6e3.gif
- Leaving? - Having a little drink?
drinkhavingleaving
↓
a414ba06-a304-4cc5-8a83-e5f7a31b6c58.gif
- Couple drinks? - Yeah. Just a little drink.
coupledrinkdrinks
↓
dd86253c-a1b0-4b38-8bfd-5167e6b1307c.gif
What's up, man? You seem like the cat who ate the canary.
canary
↓
3f9dcb96-b239-4616-adae-71a88d20a0f9.gif
(nervous chuckle) No, I didn't expect to see you guys here.
chuckleexpectnervous
↓
b203dd86-29b4-415a-8687-bb80970aeb59.gif
- Why? - I thought you'd be at Paddy's.
paddys
↓
50dbdb36-0e77-41d3-b486-4472072f776e.gif
Paddy's, no. We actually closed up shop for the night.
closednightpaddysshop
↓
2bfb0e04-eae5-4a22-90e3-f15b4963a6fc.gif
Yeah. Thought we'd get wasted here instead.
wasted
↓
04c6c5c7-8ee6-4f5d-9bfd-07d8ec0aacdb.gif
Just a little freaked out about the robbery.
freakedrobbery
↓
b9d902c0-2848-4024-945f-3b2f1eb0b692.gif
But, actually, funny story.
funnyfunny-storystory
↓
9cdc815e-3482-45a6-b99f-f0b686d9dae4.gif
Turns out the dickhead didn't actually get all of our money.
dickheadmoneyturns
↓
bdbb272b-d3b6-4a80-8b9e-c54fc5cb7555.gif
We actually keep it in the register instead of the safe.
registersafe
↓
4ec29e12-05d9-42b8-805e-593d7e314f91.gif
So the stupid asshole didn't even think to look there, right?
assholestupid
↓
b8d67f6b-d61f-44e0-a1a7-38d1c37b1da2.gif
- What a cock! - What an idiot!
cockidiot
↓
66f5e067-aa20-4a5d-bae5-4084899daa5b.gif
- What a total idiot, right? - Boner, really.
boneridiottotaltotal-idiot
↓
601de1c2-1649-41ce-88c5-ccbf0c3f50ac.gif
- Schmuck. - Stupid idiot.
idiotstupidstupid-idiot
↓
e6974bdf-dcfe-46ad-bcf0-35cface249cb.gif
Yeah, so as soon as we get some new locks, we should be all set.
locks
↓
1426506b-3356-4797-8d24-064c281c622e.gif
So we're just probably gonna hop in here...
↓
1bebb5fe-6907-4f96-8d48-06b9e5e93e64.gif
- Grab a couple drinks here tonight. - Yeah, get wasted. Pass out.
coupledrinksgrabpasstonightwasted
↓
db19250c-70a5-41a8-8b11-20dc595a1128.gif
Or walk home with a couple of hot waitresses.
couplehomewaitresseswalkwalk-home
↓
64e289fb-d933-42b4-a604-360059fc2e87.gif
- Right, Colin? - Yeah, totally. Yeah.
colin
↓
34a68e9e-8e48-40eb-9635-48ba49c441a8.gif
All right, don't wanna keep you. We'll see you later.
↓
1a6efe18-b9d3-44a7-966a-3712ad66943a.gif
- You look spiffy, bro. - Yeah, you look good.
↓
6fc6297c-9218-42d2-95cb-6fb4af3208b3.gif
- Maybe you guys should get a gun. - What?
↓
e3befa55-d368-4312-9008-8e6285524826.gif
Dee was saying that you were thinking about getting a gun.
thinking
↓
a9e1341b-e108-4699-8e5a-7a2072b0fd5e.gif
I think it's a good idea. Good protection. I...
ideaprotection
↓
693cc07c-2b03-4722-996c-998d5dbc57b3.gif
I keep one on me all the time.
↓
29f8f7f2-160e-4a5a-b217-84eca13981eb.gif
I don't know. Think about it.
↓
0ce88ad4-3d32-47a4-b35a-b04c567bc150.gif
- Absolutely. - Enjoy your drinky.
absolutelyenjoy
↓
68651416-7523-4df5-89ed-d64e46b037a1.gif
We will. See you later. Have a good night, bro.
night
↓
89be492b-3161-4892-b7a1-488933f06664.gif
- He's got a gun at all times. - From now on, so will we.
times
↓
fd61e1d4-9777-471b-a262-9c4657c59f6a.gif
Dude, you just laid it on way too thick back there.
laidthick
↓
d00ca569-fec1-4942-ac67-4197a71dc601.gif
There's no way he's gonna hit Paddy's again tonight.
paddystonight
↓
5f332472-99a3-42fa-b86a-843d75359df6.gif
- He'd have to be a moron. - He is a moron. He'll be there.
moron
↓
0693dc2c-bcb4-4f31-8cc3-aef50d0046d1.gif
Hey, Dee. Yeah, listen. There's a change of plans.
changeplans
↓
ad81692b-e28b-42fa-8415-2113e3740e5e.gif
I need you to meet us at Paddy's tonight after all.
meetpaddystonight
↓
6b5c69ed-3a52-417f-b3fe-3ed1089f502e.gif
Something you need to see.
↓
9cd2e26c-cf61-4cd6-ad18-4501a6b79d80.gif
- Why did you bring me into this? - You'll see.
bring
↓
67f9f52b-5a1c-4b4c-8cce-00b5bda61719.gif
Did you turn off the circuit breaker?
breakercircuit
↓
a32914ae-436a-4862-81b3-623ca16a5fa0.gif
We're all set. Check.
check
↓
b1ff57f7-0e43-4102-a286-10a185497535.gif
(cocking gun) What the hell was that?
↓
7f8da3ae-cb46-4344-9d74-39b29f84f4ed.gif
- Did you just cock back the hammer? - No.
cockhammer
↓
df4a07d9-0f42-453e-b794-6a3b3cdb0dc7.gif
- You guys have a gun? - We're not shooting anybody.
anybodyshooting
↓
37608b3e-ea23-4ea1-af88-0b599430834d.gif
- I know. - You're not shooting anyone!
shooting
↓
a4389af8-e6fb-49c5-9339-4c9e25cd6aaf.gif
- I don't want to shoot anyone! - You better not shoot anybody.
anybodyshoot
↓
23c084fc-a8ad-4ad5-a301-3f32a4459a45.gif
- I don't have... - I should be holding the gun.
holding
↓
c0e6ad01-72dd-4bda-8435-f3f003303bfe.gif
- I put this whole thing together. - I shot the log way more times!
shottimeswhole
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- This is so bad. - I'm the one who has better aim!
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(door opening) What? Is he here?
doordoor-openingopening
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There he is. Okay. What's he doing?
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He's walking toward the cash register.
cashregisterwalking
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- He looks shady. - Yeah. That's him.
shady
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8bd2a130-37ff-4c3d-90a1-ee10dde4592f.gif
(tapping keys on register) That's it. Do the flashlight.
flashlightkeysregistertapping
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(flashlight drops) Turn the flashlight on!
dropsflashlight
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- I can't reach it! - No! He's getting away!
reach
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- Shoot him! - What?
shoot
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- Shoot him in his face! - Shit!
faceshoot
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(shouting) Shit!
shouting
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- Did you get him? CHARLIE: I'm shot!
charlieshot
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- Charlie? My God! MAC: My God!
charlie
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bb7d01cb-2662-4352-99c5-8b01fd85ab2e.gif
Turn on the circuit breaker!
breakercircuit
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- Did you shoot me, Dennis? - No, I...
dennisshoot
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f723c52d-3558-4f9c-a055-6c1c78cfa62e.gif
- Why did you shoot me? - My God! Dude, are you okay?
shoot
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- Where are you shot? - In my head!
headshot
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What? My God! I shot you in your head. I'm so sorry.
headshot
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- Is he okay? - No! He shot me in my head!
headshot
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- It must have just grazed his head. - You shot him in the head, bro!
headmustshot
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If I shot him in the head, he'd be dead, Mac.
deadheadshot
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CHARLIE: It really hurts! I gotta go to a hospital!
charliehospitalhurts
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184f0cdd-f4a8-4211-ad17-e0ae312d5bf5.gif
All right, man. I'll call an ambulance.
ambulance
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The hospital's three blocks away. We should just drive him!
blocksdrivehospitalsthree
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I know that. But I don't wanna get blood stains all over my car.
bloodstains
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Are you serious? (Charlie shouting)
charlieseriousshouting
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All right! I'll take you to a hospital! God!
hospital
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Get a trash bag. We'll put it over him.
trash
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- I can't believe you shot Charlie. - Don't start this again!
believecharlieshotstart
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- You almost killed our best friend. - You told me to shoot Charlie!
bestbest-friendcharliefriendkilledshoot
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You guys told me to shoot Charlie.
charlieshoot
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The minute the shit hits the fan,
hitsminute
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you guys are, like, "Dennis, don't shoot the gun!"
dennisdont-shootshoot
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You told me to shoot him in the face!
faceshoot
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I didn't say that!
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5ffa1021-2c2f-400e-9398-371e064857a5.gif
(arguing continues)
arguingcontinues
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Hey, there he is. How you feeling, buddy?
buddyfeeling
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77ddc035-e9a5-4d14-be26-b873a9ae1e35.gif
You shot me, dude.
shot
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e8f48ffd-814f-455c-be3a-03407d6210c1.gif
You were stealing from the bar. It was an honest mistake.
honesthonest-mistakemistakestealing
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I still kind of wish you didn't shoot me.
shootwish
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If you needed help with money, why didn't you talk to us?
moneyneeded
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- Yeah, man. - I had it all worked out.
worked
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I was gonna make it look like all the other robberies.
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Then we would collect some insurance money and...
collectinsurancemoney
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Wow, dude. That's really just goddamn ridiculous.
goddamnridiculous
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- That is so dumb. - I thought it was the best idea.
bestbest-ideadumbidea
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No, it's not at all. But you know what?
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Listen. The important thing is that you are all right.
↓
f7c57522-6843-461f-b996-83783d983853.gif
We decided we need to get rid of that gun.
decided
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132fda5d-fd37-48a8-9f9e-8bf023aada3d.gif
Yeah, we're getting rid of the gun.
↓
fc733116-8805-4a6b-a675-dbe3d9cb35b5.gif
You could've been killed. Dennis could've killed you.
couldvecouldve-killeddenniskilled
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Good. Yes. I think that would be for the best.
best
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c560ff3f-dd75-4d9f-8376-a095b0bc1a31.gif
- Dee, could you get me a nurse? - Yeah, sure.
nurse
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Tell me we're not getting rid of that gun.
↓
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- No way! - Never.
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Sweet.
sweet
↓
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No, he's fine. It turns out it just kind of grazed his head.
headturns
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COLIN: That's great news, babe.
babecolinnews
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Thank you so much for calling. You are so sweet, Colin.
callingcolinsweet
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I guess I'm just a sweet guy.
sweet
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- Well, I'll see you tomorrow? - You will.
tomorrow
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651f2967-5c36-4792-be36-9057efd787dc.gif
- Okay. Good night. - Dream of me.
dreamnight
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0070ff45-03d8-41a5-9068-d80c73a38ea2.gif
Idiots.
idiots