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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S01E06 — The Gang Finds a Dead Guy

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 1, Episode 6 — The Gang Finds a Dead Guy

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: The Gang Finds a Dead Guy
Air date: September 08, 2005
Director: Dan Attias
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson
Mac and Dennis befriend a patron found dead at their bar in order to win the affection of his granddaughter.
Source: TMDB
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DEE: You're being ridiculous. He's a professional football player.
footballfootball-playerplayerprofessionalridiculous
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MAC: No, I'm not talking about killing the guy.
killing
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I'm talking about going up there with a group of dudes,
dudesgroup
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and intimidate him, maybe break his arm.
breakintimidate
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- You can't break Tom Brady's arm. - Yes, I can.
bradysbreak
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No more Super Bowls for that pretty boy.
bowlssuper
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Let me tell you something with absolute honesty and concern
absoluteconcernhonesty
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for your well-being. Tom Brady would kick your ass.
bradykick
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- What the hell is that? - Who locked up last night?
lockednight
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- Charlie. - He needs to pay attention.
attentioncharlieneeds
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- Who is this? - I don't know. I've never seen him.
seen
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Can you get him out of here? He stinks.
stinks
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Let's go. My God. He shit his pants, Dee.
pants
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I don't wanna know that. (Mac groans)
groans
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I'm gonna poke him with this.
poke
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Get up, old man. This isn't the American Legion. Wake up! Yo!
americanwake
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- What's the matter? - He won't wake up.
matterwake
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Poke him harder in his ribs.
harderpokeribs
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Wake up, old man. Wake up!
wake
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Holy shit. That bitch is dead.
bitchdeadholy
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This ought to do wonders for business.
businessoughtwonders
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- How could you let this happen? - What? It's not my fault.
faulthappen
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The guy orders a drink, sits down,
drinkorderssits
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I don't see him again for the rest of the night.
nightrest
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What are we gonna do about this booth?
booth
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There's piss and shit everywhere. All the death germs.
deathgermspiss
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Plus, that guy was so old. Old people are gross.
grossplus
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- I'll get the gasoline. - We're not gonna burn it.
burngasoline
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Come on, dude. You never let me burn anything.
burn
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Maybe we should close to fumigate or something.
close
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No. We can't do that.
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We can't let anybody know. We'll never live it down.
anybodylive
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Are we gonna serve drinks here today?
drinksservetoday
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I don't think the board of health will be too keen on that, Mac.
boardhealthkeen
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Do you see any representatives from the board of health here?
boardhealth
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Let's just clean up the mess and act like it never happened.
cleanhappenedmess
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- I'm not getting near that booth. - Me neither.
boothnear
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I can't believe you guys are making me do this.
believe
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I can't believe you left a dead guy in the bar overnight.
believedeadleftovernight
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So I guess we're even.
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Charlie, the EMT said he had a heart attack, not Ebola.
attackcharlieheartheart-attack
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- Do you wanna do this? - No.
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Then don't question my methods.
methodsquestion
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Charlie! Stop! Goddamn it.
charliegoddamngoddamn-it
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We need to isolate the area.
area
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You're just gonna spread whatever parts of him decomposed overnight.
overnightpartsspread
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- No. - What, are you a scientist, dude?
scientist
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- A scientist? - That's science talk.
sciencescientist
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DENNIS: Science talk? What the hell is science talk?
dennisscience
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- I'm sorry. We're closed. - No, we're not.
closed
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- How you doing? - I'm looking for the owner.
lookingowner
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- That's me... DENNIS: Actually, I'm the owner.
dennisowner
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- But I could help her out. - I own the place though.
place
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- Yeah, but we own it together. - No. What can I help you with?
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My name is Rebecca Keane.
namerebecca
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I was notified that my grandfather died here last night.
diedgrandfathernightnotified
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I'm so sorry.
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- That's really horrible. - I'm sorry for your loss.
horribleloss
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I just wanted to see where he spent his last night.
nightspentwanted
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That would be somewhere in this vicinity over here.
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- God... - Are you all right?
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Yeah, I'm okay. I really didn't know him that well actually.
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He didn't have any other family, so the police called me.
calledfamilypolice
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- That's so sad. - Yeah.
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I guess I was a little curious. He's my grandfather.
curiousgrandfather
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And I know nothing about him.
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- Yeah. Well, he was a great man. - Really?
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Yeah, just a very warm and gentle soul, actually.
gentlesoulwarm
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So you knew him?
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Yeah, I wouldn't actually say that I knew him all that well.
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- But we did... - I knew him pretty well.
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Yeah, we got pretty close near the end there.
closenear
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REBECCA: Wow, really? - I knew him, too. I just meant...
meantrebecca
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He didn't know him as well as I did though.
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Well, listen, I should go. I have to get back to work.
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- I just wanted to stop in. - Of course.
coursewanted
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Listen, if you ever wanna stop by,
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I could tell you some stories about your grandfather
grandfatherstories
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that you would not believe.
believe
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I'll make myself available as well.
available
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Don't worry about it. Yeah, any time.
worry
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- Okay. Thanks. - Yeah, of course.
coursethanks
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MAC: Bye.
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- What are you doing, dude? - What?
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- You're totally blowing up my spot. - I'm not blowing up your spot.
blowingspot
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You can't just claim the girl for yourself.
claimgirl
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- She's way out of your league. - Out of my league?
league
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- She's out of your league. - Hey, guys!
league
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A man died here yesterday. His family just abandoned him.
abandoneddiedfamilyyesterday
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Could we think about that for one second?
second
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Why the hell would we want to think about that?
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Really depressing, Dee.
depressing
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It just makes me think about Pop-Pop is all.
makes
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Pop-Pop is an asshole. And I'm placing my bets
assholebetsplacing
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that that girl's grandfather is an asshole, too.
assholegirlsgrandfather
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People don't just abandon their parents for no good reason.
abandonparentsreason
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Dude, have you ever been to a nursing home?
homenursingnursing-home
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People abandon their parents all the time.
abandonparents
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It's a sad, throwaway culture we live in.
culturelive
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(knocking)
knocking
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- Hey, Charlie. Can I come in? - Hi. Yeah, sure.
charlie
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Thank you.
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Your place is looking good.
lookingplace
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Yeah. I've been doing some rearranging.
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- So you wanna have a seat? - No, I don't.
seat
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Charlie, your... Listen, I wanted to ask you a favor.
charliefavorwanted
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Will you go to the nursing home with me to see my grandfather?
grandfatherhomenursingnursing-home
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- Dennis won't go. - Dennis won't go?
dennis
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- No, he won't go. I know. - What a jerk.
jerk
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And I haven't seen him since I was really little.
seen
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And he's stuck in that nursing home.
homenursingnursing-homestuck
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And I don't wanna wait until it's too late and then regret it.
lateregret
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Why don't you just go by yourself? (sighs)
sighs
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I have a little bit of a problem with old people.
problem
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Sounds a little mean, but I find them of creepy and scary.
creepyscarysounds
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And gross. I think they're gross. It's their hands mostly.
grosshandsmostly
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You know, how you can see right through them.
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- Their inside business is... - I'll go with you,
business
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but you have to let me borrow your car any time I want.
borrow
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No.
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- Every now and then. - No.
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- One time. And... - All right.
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You have to take me to lunch twice a week for a year.
lunchtwiceweek
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- No, I don't. - Once a week.
week
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- Today. Great. - Okay.
today
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- I can get hot chicks, dude. - Mac, don't embarrass yourself.
chicksembarrass
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I will always win in these circumstances.
circumstances
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You will not, dude. She's coming over here to see me.
coming
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She's coming over here to see you because you answered the phone.
answeredcomingphone
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That's just semantics, bro. I have a real shot with this chick.
chickrealshot
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You can't beat me here. I will always win in these circumstances.
beatcircumstances
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I will one-up you. I'm sharper than you.
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- You're not sharper. Shut up. - You shut up.
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- Hi, guys. Is this a bad time? BOTH: Hey.
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No, this is a great time. We were just...
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We were talking about your grandfather.
grandfather
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Emotions are running very high around here today.
emotionsrunningtoday
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Yeah, it's been a difficult couple of days for me.
coupledaysdifficult
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Yeah, I try not to think about me though
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n circumstances like this. More importantly, how are you?
circumstancesimportantly
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CHARLIE: You look like you're gonna pass out.
charliepass
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I don't think I can do this. I'm not kidding.
kidding
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- Come on. You're gonna be fine. - My God. Look at that one.
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Hey. They have ears, all right? Listen to me, Dee.
ears
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The slow and painful crawl to death is an inevitable part of life.
crawldeathinevitablelifepainfulpartslow
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So just embrace it, all right?
embrace
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Wait. It's really creepy in here. What is that very bad smell?
creepysmell
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It's probably urine and maybe some feces.
fecesurine
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17-D, right? This is your Pop-Pop's door.
doorpops
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Just hold on a second.
second
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What if he asks us to help him go to the bathroom?
asksbathroom
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Are you kidding me? Come on.
kidding
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A lot of people lead perfectly normal lives in nursing homes.
homesleadlivesnormalnursingperfectlyperfectly-normal
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Jesus! He doesn't even look like a real person.
jesuspersonrealreal-person
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- Should we go wake him up? - No! I don't know. Let's go.
wake
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No, we can't go. We came all the way down here.
↓
eaaae057-d122-4add-90ec-721aa8d6ef1e.gif
Let's just... (coughing)
coughing
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(wheezing) I need some air.
wheezing
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What? No. Do not leave me here alone, cause I can't...
alone
↓
4d8783d3-d01d-45b4-937c-1c528f1d17c4.gif
Dennis...
dennis
↓
4f66668a-0727-4155-b20a-652f0075ab51.gif
- Dennis... - This is awkward. I'm not...
awkwarddennis
↓
03cb1e26-5804-4fc8-a806-c52e211e3239.gif
Dennis, come here. I've been waiting.
denniswaiting
↓
a5005bdd-31eb-4205-81cc-88f58f8c0304.gif
A long time for this moment, Dennis.
dennismoment
↓
1eb4bf87-8329-45ee-b8a9-b3dd4ec33c75.gif
- Okay. You have? - Yeah.
↓
652da2a7-78cf-4c2f-bfde-8868c5c9b933.gif
My only grandson finally come to see me. Come close.
closefinallygrandson
↓
e9fe350f-a5e8-41bc-9cef-a63582391f1b.gif
My eyesight's not so good.
↓
26d2b552-f958-48ab-8d8d-50789e1aa333.gif
You're lot shorter than I thought you'd wind up.
shorterwind
↓
21915205-93b0-4907-a440-704d23565090.gif
Yeah, well, I'm actually still growing, so...
growing
↓
0802aa08-0d34-4a21-a580-eef18f960cf9.gif
- You want some candy? - No, I'm good. Thanks.
candythanks
↓
53c34f77-f6cc-4d62-801f-392d809c65ac.gif
- Eat the damn candy! - Okay. Candy.
candy
↓
06c7b10d-13c6-42e5-9a7a-0b6824d06d11.gif
(chuckling)
chuckling
↓
667275b4-33bc-4620-96f7-551e94c3a393.gif
These people in here... They've stolen everything from me.
stolen
↓
7ef17dc4-d4fc-41ac-8602-baefd0b652ca.gif
- They have? - What do you expect from Jews?
expectjews
↓
15905546-e85d-41f5-bdb6-1b7d89d1eb37.gif
(scoffs) Jews...
jewsscoffs
↓
2a9b04fd-ff94-4d0e-afc9-a3dcafbc9ec8.gif
Maybe I should go and check on Dee, because...
check
↓
518b35a6-a6ea-4673-b58f-9cacf9c32557.gif
No, leave her be. I'm sure she'll be fine.
shell
↓
61f21594-eb60-4c93-b039-7d22fe935171.gif
(screaming)
screaming
↓
b3ef7f11-c85b-4940-91c6-3d140da1dda0.gif
I'm an old man. And as you can see, I don't have much time left.
left
↓
abf96ceb-aa79-406b-ac68-377c27b9958e.gif
- I need your help. - No...
↓
075bd76a-1d07-489c-8850-7e492593bf75.gif
I mean, I'm not very comfortable with that.
comfortable
↓
be312670-eb0e-4be8-b365-4baa268afa47.gif
I don't even know which one of these things I would unplug.
↓
ebdf8e99-8a7d-4b2f-80ed-9b7c2124b629.gif
No, you idiot!
idiot
↓
5d65d7b6-9b30-44c0-8391-ef00d1a5033a.gif
I don't need you to kill me. I need you to help me.
kill
↓
e81f15eb-6953-4d4e-aa99-d2450499a63b.gif
Okay.
↓
4ac304ab-0608-4dbc-8d16-f79dd03aa5f2.gif
You probably don't know this
↓
aa3ccf34-8e1a-408d-832a-420c1c60d035.gif
because that bastard father of yours didn't tell you,
bastardfather
↓
5c60ce73-aac4-4d5c-9a76-c87ac5684e03.gif
but I was a war hero. - Really?
hero
↓
1227b778-1068-4cb4-b7b1-d484a4623710.gif
I wanna be buried in my uniform.
burieduniform
↓
107864b9-8c75-4308-a491-401308ed0a14.gif
And I don't trust any of these kikes in here
trust
↓
d6d322da-090a-43ae-93c1-f851c7940374.gif
to take care of that.
care
↓
65cae704-c773-4cb1-acab-546be4cbe52b.gif
All the belongings from that part of my life are in a box
belongingslifepart
↓
cea6454d-8c5a-486a-8048-69aedd3870c2.gif
at the Roxborough Storage Facility.
facilitystorage
↓
cec851e3-b885-4055-94c7-3bacf8a29c0c.gif
I need you to pick it up and bring it here.
bringpick
↓
fa8488a3-b743-4250-95b4-eb1014286bc2.gif
Okay, sure. Yeah, I could do that.
↓
666a25e6-09d4-47b0-a0f1-9c4f4d1085c7.gif
And I need you to keep it as a secret between you and me.
secret
↓
eae8b310-ff43-4f5a-a093-31d567bb763f.gif
Okay.
↓
03231212-4e32-4a37-9020-799d0707eb1a.gif
So listen, I have a favor to ask you guys.
favor
↓
0d9d202c-530d-4f54-8afe-bddc603b37c2.gif
That's cool. Anything, yeah.
cool
↓
859743c8-cadc-4671-936a-687c8de21efc.gif
You can talk to me, 'cause I get things done, so...
↓
b577c47a-9723-4e6d-899d-89f655e4aa8d.gif
I'm in charge of putting together a memorial service for him,
chargememorialputtingservice
↓
81167c62-d00c-4b04-9703-47323c51118b.gif
but I can't seem to find anyone else who really knew him that well.
↓
df2d8153-6a7d-402b-aef6-f9c9e8a37330.gif
Yeah. That might be difficult to do, actually.
difficultmight
↓
445d3463-069e-42bf-82d3-1d61520d70db.gif
It's not gonna be a problem. I knew a lot of his friends.
friendsproblem
↓
ba83aa0f-b518-4513-82fd-5b9cb0cf5cf3.gif
Yeah, Den. But it might be hard to find friends.
friendshardmight
↓
79ad015c-1803-473f-b1c7-5e400b401437.gif
- It's not gonna be hard for me. - That would be so amazing.
amazinghard
↓
82c4bcf6-9cf5-4e29-b23c-2347a4914682.gif
- Would you like another drink? - No, we're fine.
anotheranother-drinkdrink
↓
445fc922-4935-4986-8c63-41e4828cbff3.gif
(knocking)
knocking
↓
7334e648-20e1-4c38-b172-063efa50e202.gif
- I need your car. - I wasn't serious about that.
serious
↓
c7580465-5acf-4bdf-87dc-d7343b57ac3c.gif
- No. Go get it. You promised. - Fine.
promised
↓
47e40d35-0f7a-4f5f-9fc2-d7a870be733e.gif
- Where you going? - Going back to see Pop-Pop.
↓
12c04dff-f6e7-4cd3-8f3b-6b5037d20b8b.gif
What are you talking about? You're going without me?
↓
13a690a3-c29d-4355-bd31-20b58382cc4c.gif
You can't do that. He's my Pop-Pop.
↓
2c05924f-60dc-4f17-8391-724243dc2db3.gif
I'm the one who's supposed to feel better about myself.
supposed
↓
f51b959a-46e4-4745-bedb-71adf379bb07.gif
- I'm going with you. - You can't actually,
↓
3db45b06-6919-46dd-afcc-1b62186d11d5.gif
because it's just supposed to be me and him.
supposed
↓
c459bb1e-060c-4cd5-bea3-9e08abab9012.gif
- But I wanna see my Pop-Pop. - Take the bus.
↓
1fb5fb32-4fb8-4f0d-9928-127d7bc347dc.gif
Jesus, Dennis. This is just goddamn shady.
dennisgoddamnjesusshady
↓
c5e92018-0663-47ca-a8f4-67ad5ef5801e.gif
If you wanna back out now, be my guest.
guest
↓
5f65ea59-8324-4c42-be56-8ee84e6f4ffc.gif
I'd be happy to take all the credit for this. I'm not backing down.
backingcredithappy
↓
52c8dd61-c2c3-40c1-b78f-845b04f6a981.gif
All right. Hey, pal.
↓
0c4e96bb-7266-4ae0-9f88-cbd779196c30.gif
- Would you like to make 20 bucks? - Sure.
bucks
↓
0cdf1550-5c3d-4d00-a729-02e6705da0f8.gif
Got some nicer clothes?
clothesnicer
↓
45a5e836-033b-43c2-9c37-1a7f391a9ee1.gif
Right.
↓
bd7a4adf-62db-4552-b175-52a83dc07fb8.gif
Holy shit.
holy
↓
35b3dc01-3489-4fc1-b27d-ab2426a968fb.gif
Okay, guys. Have fun. Mingle.
funmingle
↓
60af9d4c-be41-42d6-ad6f-892c004fb699.gif
- Hey, guys. - Hey, Rebecca.
rebecca
↓
47129fc1-53d0-4428-84fe-684818631b4b.gif
I see you brought some of my grandfather's friends.
broughtfriendsgrandfathers
↓
2c13e8c6-8e5e-4af5-a060-51fe19fc0755.gif
He loved those guys.
loved
↓
db761a25-3251-46fa-8360-0a3487361393.gif
So I was wondering if maybe you guys could say something.
wondering
↓
682a1fa4-39a9-4410-8dc5-37f362bda18f.gif
Maybe tell a funny story about him or something.
funnyfunny-storystory
↓
2726149c-6476-4e3c-b248-9eb95c8cd9f3.gif
Yeah. No, absolutely. I've got something prepared.
absolutelyprepared
↓
789aa27c-8101-4364-b5e6-514df020941f.gif
If that's okay. Mac, did you prepare... No.
prepare
↓
c0a93549-a06f-4cde-9797-942fd649980c.gif
Sorry. I totally forgot. He's a terrible public speaker.
forgotpublicspeaker
↓
2dcc1e9a-b1eb-47b5-a1c7-9bbccf6f2e34.gif
He gets really flustered and he clams up
clams
↓
7ef69e58-eb22-4a1a-88a8-8f4a135c9cb4.gif
and his third-grade stutter comes back.
comesgradestutterthirdthird-grade
↓
c5ac7a74-3670-4539-a3fb-7f419e7c4241.gif
(cell phone rings) It's adorable. Is that your phone?
adorablecellcell-phonecell-phone-ringsphonephone-ringsrings
↓
59af8263-cac9-408c-892b-8e1a1d95d3fc.gif
Yeah.
↓
fd9db255-2755-4715-84b1-6eb063648cfd.gif
- Gonna answer that? - I don't wanna be rude.
answerrude
↓
21e2f6f0-c821-4309-b60c-13e475169059.gif
The ringer's going off in the middle of a funeral.
funeralmiddle
↓
9464c53e-5135-4c26-910a-5cf4e3c1a03e.gif
It's got to be pretty important, right?
↓
68520182-9cd0-4abe-b420-3ce5e5ef488b.gif
Excuse me.
excuse
↓
e5b57cf4-41fc-4538-9d9b-a9b539e934e8.gif
Charlie, what do you want?
charlie
↓
9c1e2638-456c-459c-a761-929e399dac0c.gif
I can't, dude. I'm in the middle of something.
middle
↓
c3509de0-ff3b-4129-8510-8af1db36660f.gif
- It's an emergency! - Fine.
emergency
↓
a19ef20f-0021-420a-bba7-eabbeb865369.gif
- I got to go. It's an emergency. - You got to leave? That's a shame.
emergencyshame
↓
01464338-d7c9-4233-8af3-5a4d99a86e7c.gif
- So can I borrow your car, or what? - You've been drinking.
borrowdrinking
↓
49986e5b-6adc-4321-a4cd-bfdfbb71ef23.gif
(scoffs)
scoffs
↓
d4b6a156-85de-441e-bb3d-ba4ffd107d38.gif
He's a good guy. He's just... Got a bit of a drinking problem.
drinkingdrinking-problemproblem
↓
3bb9ac42-e647-414e-8ca6-27bc559462a4.gif
CHARLIE: Who is it? - It's Mac. This better be good.
charlie
↓
0d914b98-b78c-4a79-926c-d0997132c9c5.gif
Holy shit!
holy
↓
e3685fbd-3cf3-4eba-8f40-7d100ced95b2.gif
- This is unbelievable! CHARLIE: I know that!
charlieunbelievable
↓
fbe236d0-d8a4-45d1-93a7-e3340c7adc5a.gif
There are so many medals in there! This guy was probably king Nazi.
kingnazi
↓
839c4b9a-395c-4d1a-8768-82d5e2e8a28c.gif
- How is this even possible? - It's possible.
possible
↓
bd3ff9aa-ca58-4eb0-a430-15dc572af2aa.gif
They came on boats or whatever, but they're here.
boats
↓
112d504c-0445-4267-8fd1-0733c70021bc.gif
Hold on. This could just be collector's crap.
collectors
↓
b6631681-2826-43f7-923d-c72a7362b775.gif
No. Look at that! (Mac laughs)
laughs
↓
579e690a-d771-4176-b123-bbca8c7f484a.gif
- He looks exactly like Dennis. - I know.
dennis
↓
de744892-c738-4738-9aad-d578bbe85a3c.gif
So here's the deal.
deal
↓
04f33cc0-365d-4be8-834b-90048f3cc226.gif
He wants me to take all this shit to him
wants
↓
6bef131c-cd36-4f75-9b20-ded948f8de95.gif
so he can be buried in it or something.
buried
↓
39b18c90-aac9-4f93-956c-8fe5528a557a.gif
Buried in it? Screw that old bitch. He's a Nazi.
bitchburiednaziscrew
↓
c19e68be-1698-44ae-bc67-5781070bbc79.gif
Let him die and burn in hell. Let's sell this shit on eBay.
burnsell
↓
f0db1ca5-d275-4fe7-bf71-cca2b718423f.gif
No, I thought about that though. I think it's Illegal.
illegal
↓
cd723a4a-b138-4206-996b-1d5e4f15389b.gif
Or maybe a little bit immoral.
↓
9c9c8919-39d1-4105-808e-8b42f76e18ac.gif
- We could sell it to a museum. - I could live with that.
livemuseumsell
↓
53589240-4b20-47c7-affb-065beede41d8.gif
Lionel Keane.
lionel
↓
caddc6cd-e712-4728-91be-b02a7f0ff24e.gif
(chuckles)
chuckles
↓
b9ab3c72-8b49-4d89-88f6-b5655e29ad73.gif
As we all know, Lionel could be a bit of a curmudgeon.
lionel
↓
c3800b22-3610-49d5-89f6-acde91a7a19f.gif
But he had the heart of a lion.
heartlion
↓
7f848023-f44e-4d6c-9af9-74fff91e05c8.gif
I'll tell you a story about him.
story
↓
ac823e8f-22f8-4bcc-ac8e-496eefef6bdd.gif
It was Christmas Eve last year and...
christmas
↓
34b71267-62f5-4657-8dd9-fffda3d8f8a1.gif
... I was at Lionel's house, making him dinner.
dinnerhouse
↓
30ba2001-56a9-4a96-9c6b-10687ad2f733.gif
And we got to talking about the spirit of giving.
givingspirit
↓
ad673705-2cb3-4468-bf90-bda196ce29af.gif
And I said, "Lionel, why are we just talking about it?
lionel
↓
125f7680-6599-4798-8fa3-706d8f0a872a.gif
"Let's put the spirit into action. Let's go down to the mission."
actionmissionspirit
↓
f74d1d3b-3be4-4f00-a664-3ee879a044a6.gif
Lionel said, "Great. That's a great idea, Dennis."
dennisidealionel
↓
30a9929c-0e5e-4616-9c91-d7028d05bd42.gif
So we did, we went down there.
↓
9392dc32-d136-41b7-b61b-769c4f739feb.gif
And not only did we feed every last poor, miserable, precious soul,
feedmiserablepoorprecioussoul
↓
a6409b1f-af00-47e2-9b23-f9117e55bdea.gif
but we washed the feet of every man, woman and child there.
childfeetwashedwoman
↓
a942ce11-d3c1-4d9e-8f51-02e931bfe3d1.gif
In the spirit of Christ.
christspirit
↓
161514fb-bbbb-48f1-97eb-89a0bbb6987a.gif
And that was Lionel. Lionel Keane.
lionel
↓
46e76ba9-2aef-4841-a951-be3c5c729a6c.gif
Lionel the lion.
lionlionel
↓
7a449635-6c24-403b-8cf2-9571bb77893f.gif
- Sorry to keep you waiting. - Not a problem at all.
problemwaiting
↓
f7061f6d-8c4d-4f74-a6be-d614986be48d.gif
- How can I help you? - We're going to make your day.
↓
69602af8-e225-425a-9543-f470696d419c.gif
Is that right?
↓
c7421de1-7e75-4075-88f0-45c9a783bb94.gif
We've gotten our hands on a little something
gottenhands
↓
37c0f75c-7206-40e1-9cb3-afb136bccf17.gif
that we like to think is an important part of human history
historyhumanpart
↓
387bc563-67b7-4066-84ed-740d3bfeb90e.gif
and needs to be in this museum.
museumneeds
↓
7dcaee1f-2a89-4980-8ed7-6b3036067e54.gif
Mac, if you will.
↓
c84a69da-9763-4805-a58c-8ba0e2e3c850.gif
What in the hell is that?
↓
b31de2c6-8bcf-405b-a132-ef265a6fd9c7.gif
This, my friend, is an authentic Nazi officer's uniform circa 1942.
authenticfriendnaziofficersuniform
↓
330156f2-17b8-459f-844c-6037907bbea1.gif
Notice the stitching and fine attention to detail.
attentiondetailnotice
↓
4839923e-8198-49ec-8381-42292176005e.gif
Where did you get this?
↓
ea0d234b-2f2f-4d1a-9cbe-7ea08f8b5810.gif
Let's just say it found its way to us and leave it at that.
found
↓
6e14e77e-ff29-46d7-b67f-6aeda027d7c8.gif
Okay. I find this offensive for so many reasons.
offensivereasons
↓
e55eb1f6-1589-42d3-9b5f-7bd6471acbc9.gif
I'm guessing you acquired this through illegal means.
acquiredguessingillegal
↓
2419340d-b595-4a43-bff3-7def5e4207b8.gif
For me to take this from you would be an extension of that.
extension
↓
22eae22a-a1d2-4f8d-9539-a61958d5b6ba.gif
And secondly, that you would expect it would "make my day"
expectsecondly
↓
cca2301d-a599-4b70-8a12-c9edef1acd03.gif
assumes that I'm interested in profiting
assumesinterested
↓
92d122fb-2556-4f2b-92fd-7dc101fa96a7.gif
off the murder of millions of innocent people.
innocentmillionsmurder
↓
a97514c8-83c5-4bfa-af89-68d134c95b30.gif
- How much will you give us for it? - Nothing.
↓
01b64524-eef1-43b6-ab0c-46fbc38a63cf.gif
Nothing, or...
↓
332739e4-010b-4813-876e-544ee304904d.gif
I plan to call the police the minute you guys leave my office.
minuteofficeplanpolice
↓
2fc6dfdd-9719-4369-95ce-f61ae62b6d14.gif
- Hey, Pop-Pop. - Deandra?
deandra
↓
570e03b3-3a2c-45a8-9de1-34d7d5763164.gif
What are you doing here? Where's Dennis?
dennis
↓
a7e37279-7a86-41dd-aa8d-8c95ac33b0de.gif
I just came by myself.
↓
37911f9e-10cc-472f-817b-7c6694ac245d.gif
Well, do you know where Dennis is?
dennis
↓
3bb36380-8271-420a-816d-dd678fc66044.gif
He was supposed to be here hours ago.
hourssupposed
↓
10eb7cf4-b827-438d-92ee-d670d142a6cb.gif
No. Pop-Pop, it's just me.
↓
f370d341-3f27-4507-bf65-5fcec766ca27.gif
I thought that you and I could spend some time together,
spend
↓
d42f5316-79fd-4731-9df4-6048b5ec008f.gif
so I brought a couple books that I could read to you.
booksbroughtcoupleread
↓
436995fe-9a6e-4a5e-a0a5-d7d8ba6e97b5.gif
Okay, fine. Come here and sit down.
↓
7fd91022-ab9b-4dd5-9385-a0b08921872b.gif
Yeah.
↓
5929e300-b0f5-437a-baff-2e515df04eb7.gif
(clears throat) No.
clearsclears-throatthroat
↓
e3d2dd9e-eeac-44b5-8e52-61ea313fe351.gif
Why don't you come closer so I can get a good look at you?
closer
↓
6488c93a-b090-4f10-a593-82f547c3b7ab.gif
- Come here. - Okay, that's fine.
↓
afca3488-3179-4bbe-a175-57669dd6aa86.gif
- Sure. - Good idea.
idea
↓
14e8aaa7-d739-4b88-a335-63fd12a4b3a2.gif
Come here. A little closer. Come here.
closer
↓
7351e142-1e48-4ac0-9549-ea76f1a50e2b.gif
Come on.
↓
745422b0-fce3-4eb7-a9bd-6306e2fbb50d.gif
Now I remember how beautiful you are.
remember
↓
848effd1-8645-4b69-a3ab-72f912dd3709.gif
And look at these wrinkled old hands against your young face.
facehandswrinkledyoung
↓
8eca2182-448c-4f11-a2fe-ac6c63e03b0d.gif
And these teeth. Look how straight and white.
straightteethwhite
↓
6994ddc9-831c-47de-82a7-8be0463496a0.gif
(coughing) Is there a bathroom around here?
bathroomcoughing
↓
8f52a8e9-9805-427d-9bda-d70d62807171.gif
Yeah. Right down the hall.
hall
↓
25ce1bef-8141-4681-a751-f6871ad09b5d.gif
(vomits)
↓
c3d13c9f-7792-428e-a714-709990df53b2.gif
CHARLIE: We're doing the right thing here, man.
charlie
↓
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But it just seems like a waste of a perfectly good Nazi uniform.
naziperfectlyseemsuniformwaste
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No. If we sell it, we run the risk of going to jail.
jailrisksell
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And if we keep it, we don't get anything,
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c367671d-db1e-45c1-9e01-93d06174d5b4.gif
so we may as well burn it. - That's true.
burn
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- It is always fun to burn things. - Yeah, it is.
burnfun
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And we probably shouldn't let Dennis know about his grandfather anyway.
dennisgrandfather
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It might just screw with his head.
headmightscrew
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- Yeah, get it going. - All right. Get on.
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(laughs)
laughs
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- So it's all in there, right? - Yeah.
↓
ad737c7f-a3f1-4e31-a92c-e3fc08f8ca57.gif
- You didn't keep anything, or... - No. Did you?
↓
18b137dc-7c0a-4249-ba6f-d456f800809d.gif
(scoffs) - No, dude. - Okay.
scoffs
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- Hey, guys. - Hey, bro.
↓
b68ad04c-d7a2-4cc0-927b-755e73c3a0aa.gif
What's up? What you burning?
burning
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4f6b44f0-ab9b-4077-a324-e3ddd588386f.gif
- Burning some trash. - Awesome.
awesomeburningtrash
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You wanna hear what happened with that girl?
girlhappened
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- No. No, I don't, dude. - No?
↓
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- No. - Come on.
↓
a36614ee-afb6-475b-87b3-e1079803de9d.gif
- No, I don't care. - Yeah, you do. Of course you care.
carecourse
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fbecce74-da75-46d5-ad54-b3a16397e03e.gif
- I don't wanna hear it! - Yeah, you do.
↓
34b4233c-85a1-4f63-8b81-133738723704.gif
You know what, bro? I'm sorry. You win. Okay?
↓
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I give up. You won. You're the better man.
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No, you don't give up. See, I won fair and square.
fairsquare
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We went head-to-head, and I came out the better man,
head
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just as I predicted I would.
predicted
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So we went back to her house, and we made sweet, passionate love.
houselovepassionatesweet
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- Great. - Yeah.
↓
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Great for you. You must be really proud of yourself.
mustproud
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Awesome. Your grandfather's a Nazi.
awesomegrandfathersnazi
↓
8a0c916c-6a99-4ba7-a250-972fcf45cd46.gif
But let me ask you a couple questions.
couplecouple-questionsquestions