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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S03E02 — The Gang Gets Invincible

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 3, Episode 2 — The Gang Gets Invincible

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: The Gang Gets Invincible
Air date: September 13, 2007
Director: Fred Savage
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito
Mac, Dennis and Dee try out for the Philadelphia Eagles. Also interested in becoming an Eagle is Liam and Ryan McPoyle's brother, Doyle.
Source: TMDB
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DENNIS: There's no way a mouse could kill a scorpion.
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MAC: Dude, a mouse could kill... FRANK: A rat could kill a scorpion.
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No shit, Frank, but we're not talking about a rat.
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- We're talking about a mouse. - A rat still would lose.
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A little mouse fighting a scorpion, and that is final!
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(screams) Shut up!
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Shut up! Oh, my God! I don't care!
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All we're doing is arguing about the most stupid shit!
arguingstupid
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Rat, scorpion, I don't care, man! When did this start happening?
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When we started arguing all the time and fighting? This isn't like us!
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Look. We're working our asses off in this bar, you know?
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We're getting nothing to show for it and so we're starting to snip
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and pick at each other. And it's bullshit, man.
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'Cause guess what. It's a beautiful day outside.
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Okay? We need to change things up. Let's go outside, get fresh air.
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Let's run around a little bit. Let's just do something different.
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(sighs) You know what, Charlie? You're right. This is great.
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Yeah. It's just nice to do something different for a change.
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Yeah. Enjoy a little blue sky, some fresh air.
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- Yeah. Some earth beneath our feet. - See? I told you you'd like it.
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(chuckles)
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- It's goddamn bright out here. - So bright. I can't use my eyes.
brighteyesgoddamn
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- There's people playing football. - Like there's no room to drink.
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- I'd like to go back to the bar. - Let's go back to the bar!
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- Are you kidding me? - Oh, look out. Let me see that.
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- Can I get that back? - Yeah. Go long.
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I'll toss you a wicked spiral.
spiraltosswicked
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Why don't you just give me the ball, dude? We're trying to practice.
ballpractice
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- What are you practicing for? - I'm trying out for the Eagles.
eaglespracticing
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(chuckles) Uh, the Philadelphia Eagles?
chuckleseaglesphiladelphiaphiladelphia-eagles
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Yeah. They're holding tryouts for the public.
holdingpublictryouts
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Like in that movie, "Invincible".
invinciblemovie
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Was that the one where the guy from the New Kids on the Block
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makes it onto the Eagles? I saw that.
eaglesmakes
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That's the one. That's a good one. Wait. They're actually doing that?
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- Yes. Just give me the football. - Okay.
football
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Well, Dennis, I think you know what we have to do.
dennis
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Dude, did you read this flyer?
flyerread
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Donovan McNabb is gonna be giving us a motivational speech.
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I know, dude. We are actually going to be running on the Linc!
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Lincoln Field, baby!
babyfieldlincoln
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You guys think you're actually gonna make the team?
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Hell, no, we're not gonna make the team.
team
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But we will finally get to prove once and for all
finallyprove
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who's a better football player.
footballfootball-playerplayer
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Right. Trying out for the Eagles is the best way to settle that score.
besteaglesscoresettle
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You know what? I would like to join your little competition.
competitionjoin
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(both laughing)
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- No, no, no, no, no. - You... You... You're a woman.
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Women can't do things like this. You'll get hurt.
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Women aren't allowed to try out for football.
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That's ridiculous. They should at least be able to try out.
ableleastridiculous
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There are plenty of other sports that women can try out for.
plentysportswomen
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Like, uh, cooking and...
cooking
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Complaining to your friends about your boyfriends.
boyfriendscomplainingfriends
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- Playing... Playing at ballet. - Cleaning.
balletcleaningplaying
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Displaying cars at auto shows in tiny bikinis.
autocarsshowstiny
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When you get older, you can play bridge together. I don't know.
bridgeolder
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You know what? I am in such better shape than both of you guys.
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Do you not think the first thing they're gonna do to weed people out
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s make you run? Oh, good luck.
luck
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I could get so much further than both of you.
further
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(both chuckle) You think that's even a possibility?
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'Cause that could be very embarrassing for us.
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Well, we're never gonna have to find out because she can't try out.
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- You can't try out! - You're not allowed to try out.
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- That is a rule, right? - Check the rules.
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We'll put a layer of beer, then a layer of ice...
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- What are you guys doing? - We're gonna tailgate the tryouts.
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Oh, shit. That's a good idea. You gonna bust out Green Man, bro?
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- No. No Green Man. - What's Green Man?
green
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Well, in high school, Charlie was like our school mascot.
charliemascotschool
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A mascot nobody wanted.
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He'd get wasted and dress in this green spandex bodysuit.
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- It was really sad. - Spandex?
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That's it. You gotta bring the Green Man suit.
bringgreensuit
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- With the spandex. - Green Man was good.
greenspandex
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It got me through some hard times. But I'm done with it.
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Tell you what. You can wear it if you want, I'm just gonna relax.
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This is gonna be about chilling out for me.
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This is gonna be exactly like Woodstock.
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Is it? Are you planning on getting yourself locked in the bathroom
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of your cousin's Winnebago for three days?
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Shut up about that.
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I survived on hand soap and toilet water for three days.
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The memory haunts me.
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MAC: The Linc, dude! The Linc! DENNIS: Yeah, baby.
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I am actually gonna be able to look down
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and literally see how many yards I'm running.
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- This is gonna be awesome, dude. - We might actually get further
awesomefurthermight
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n this tryout than we thought. See how many yahoos are trying out?
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Oh, yeah. I've seen a lot of people wearing capes.
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- There are 15 guys wearing capes. - Why would you wear a cape?
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- What advantage does that give you? - Absolutely none.
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Have a little respect. We are here with the Philadelphia Eagles,
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and they are opening up their doors to us.
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- This is a boyhood dream. - I know. I know.
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Why even come out here if you're not gonna take this somewhat seriously?
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- You done pissing yet? - No. I haven't started pissing.
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Because you're standing next to me, you're talking to me.
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- It's making me nervous. - All right. Want another beer?
anotheranother-beerbeernervous
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Yeah. Give me another beer, for Christ sakes.
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I'm gonna sit here and not drink another beer?
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Yeah.
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Cabana is assembled. The grill is as sparkling as we're gonna get it.
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The margarita machine here is open for business. Time to relax.
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Want to drop some acid with me?
aciddrop
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- What? You're dropping acid? - Mmm. Woodstock, baby.
acidbabydroppingwoodstock
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(laughs) Uh, okay. Well, no.
laughs
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Thank you. I believe that would have
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the complete opposite effect of relaxation for me.
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Well, I'm gonna trip balls.
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No. You messed up. It's too high. It doesn't look right on you.
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Too high? No, I'm good at it, dude. I did a good job on you.
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- 'Cause I have good cheekbones. - You have good cheekbones?
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- You put foundation all over, bro. - I put a light base on...
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Hey, guys. What's up?
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- What the hell is this? - How's it hangin'?
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This is a joke, right? You think anyone's gonna buy that?
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- Whatever, bro. - You're gonna get crushed.
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Dee, the second any part of your body touches that field,
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t's gonna shatter like glass. - You got bones like glass.
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- I don't have bones like glass. - You had to wear a back brace.
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Your body's, like, 90% scoliosis, Dee. (whistle blows)
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Move it, fellas. Let's get on the bus.
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Bus? What the hell are you talking about?
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The bus that takes you to the field.
fieldtakes
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Wait. I thought we were gonna be playing on the Linc.
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You think you dipshits are gonna play on the same field
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that champions play on?
champions
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- Where are we going? - "Where are we going?"
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We're going to a shitty high school in Bucks County.
buckscountyschoolshitty
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Now get your ass on the bus. If I say it one more time...
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If I say it one more time... If I say it one more time...
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Sprint to the bus. Sprint to the bus.
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That's everyone on the bus, dude. They're leaving.
leaving
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Maybe they're having the tryouts in a different place.
havingplacetryouts
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Son of a bitch. All right. Screw it. We're here. We'll just relax.
bitchrelaxscrew
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Stay here and look at the Linc? Like a couple of dicks in a yard?
coupledickslincyard
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Get out of here! We gotta get up and go.
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- Oh... - Let's go follow that bus. Come on.
follow
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All right. You get that. You get that. Come on. Let's go.
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- Charlie, get up. - This is work. I didn't want to...
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Get the stuff. We'll follow the bus.
followstuff
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- I like your mustache. - Oh. Thank you.
mustache
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- I can't grow one. - Okay.
grow
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- That's a pretty sweet cape. - Thank you. My mom made it.
capesweet
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- Hmm. She did a very good job. - Yeah.
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- She's talented. - Mm-hmm.
talented
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Can't believe we're not gonna tear it up on the Linc. This is bullshit.
believebullshitlinctear
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Half the reason I wanted to do this in the first place
halfplacereasonwanted
↓
c765eddd-afeb-4a9a-8cb9-d7ab66bf11a5.gif
was to be out on that field.
field
↓
7ae6edd5-e681-49c2-9fff-2fe5a0db60a0.gif
Man, stop smoking, will ya? Some of us are trying to make the team.
smokingteam
↓
738a9e08-a851-4379-81f7-01a79b195514.gif
- Are you kidding me, bro? - No.
kidding
↓
080ebe13-e09b-49c5-8412-60b0b5765e23.gif
Guy, if you think you're actually going to make
↓
2825d32c-ec60-46e7-a951-716bdb4353d1.gif
the Philadelphia Eagles, then you're pathetic.
eaglespatheticphiladelphiaphiladelphia-eagles
↓
55621838-a3a6-4a9c-9b82-7736c3507a46.gif
- You're pathetic. - No, you're pathetic, sport.
patheticsport
↓
06403d9b-c995-4c05-a6d5-5c577a5451fa.gif
- You're pathetic! - You're pathetic!
pathetic
↓
cea9a3b3-ab46-4043-a10d-8d19863e2826.gif
- You're the one who is pathetic! - Whatever, man!
pathetic
↓
fbccfce7-436f-458d-813f-42680f2e4a8a.gif
When I'm done with this tryout, you'll go back to your sad,
↓
7755383d-f73c-4e8b-979f-8e952e11434a.gif
pitiful life, and I'll be on the Eagles.
eagleslifepitiful
↓
d1d2e60b-098e-418c-b14b-ee281c5380bd.gif
And everybody in Philadelphia will know the name McPoyle.
everybodymcpoylenamephiladelphia
↓
6ea766e1-2b3f-4474-9248-b0447ccbe051.gif
- What'd you say your name is? - McPoyle. Doyle McPoyle.
doylemcpoylenamewhatd
↓
26c030eb-8c48-4e8d-b315-0c21bf5ca573.gif
- The unibrow. The eczema. The acne. - He's definitely a McPoyle.
acnemcpoyle
↓
79fcab38-bb87-42d9-838b-6d00ff9713cc.gif
There are so many of those people.
↓
bbde8ff5-e44f-4e8f-b6dc-b29e549ee95e.gif
Now, this is what I'm talking about. Look at all the people.
↓
9cbd192e-5758-4509-a952-b0dbcf4bd88f.gif
But we're stuck over here by the portable shitters. It's kinda lame.
kindalamestuck
↓
813fd644-bab4-4cd3-9862-fb8e1eb28129.gif
- Stop bitching and set up. - No. I'm not setting anything up.
bitchingsetting
↓
be61d8c5-b317-4bfa-b5f0-a152ec54586e.gif
I'm sitting in my chair.
chairsitting
↓
c962bd00-efb8-476b-9f29-17cd0a53932a.gif
I'm relaxing, I'm getting blackout drunk, and you're leaving me alone.
aloneblackoutdrunkleavingrelaxing
↓
c3ce3193-8a5a-4421-93f3-9ba5aee42846.gif
All right. Be a party pooper.
partypooper
↓
d88224de-578f-4685-9b59-6c19875c58db.gif
- What are you doing, dude? - Taking more acid.
acid
↓
2b6c10c8-9f23-4111-97c2-d7827e6a91f8.gif
Classic mistake, Frank. You're making a classic mistake.
classicfrankmistake
↓
e45f0c2d-3073-4584-96dc-2d355c88b5a5.gif
Just shut up and sit in your stupid chair.
chairstupid
↓
98d6bddd-1a58-401f-b02d-21ecc9ac6915.gif
It's your funeral, buddy. Whoa! Hey there, guy.
buddyfuneralwhoa
↓
5f824b84-bc04-4357-8fb8-fd3303880c6c.gif
- That's good. FRANK: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
frankwhoawhoa-whoawhoa-whoa-whoa
↓
97d1347f-c76b-4857-bb6d-e6654b7ea757.gif
You kidding me, man?
kidding
↓
3d002fb8-2f83-45fa-bb7d-7aaf45e5808a.gif
- What the hell is that shit? - Man, that won't fly.
↓
a616e572-4f70-4a6a-9303-e402669d60d2.gif
Come on, dude. You almost ran me...
↓
96f845d4-d5c9-43ef-85f4-602a7197fe28.gif
- Oh, my God. The McPoyle brothers. - Hello, Charles.
brotherscharlesmcpoyle
↓
93355ab5-38a6-4576-b182-83b2f83f7173.gif
- What the hell are you doing here? - Came to support our brother Doyle.
brotherdoylesupport
↓
b663289e-e24d-4061-89a5-5818056358a3.gif
- He's gonna make the Eagles. - Okay. That's fantastic. Great.
eaglesfantastic
↓
49726d82-eb76-4f59-b5a6-a8e9b8efc970.gif
- But your bus is spilling over... - You almost ran me over, man.
spilling
↓
5ef1ac59-94b1-451d-8f83-10d947959def.gif
- Move it back. - You gotta move it back a few feet.
feet
↓
4338e956-cd42-4886-ba97-2e37ebb3e3a6.gif
- No. No can do. - We need the space.
space
↓
ab6e895a-38bb-4806-be5a-ae29dec9cb47.gif
- For what? - The whole family's here.
familyswhole
↓
5a3e4f1a-2d63-4c7f-b406-29ae5a638a92.gif
Oh, that's great. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?
kidding
↓
9de77fd7-d7c8-4560-bc50-0477be95b43d.gif
Great. Of course you're here. Good. How many... What is that a jar of?
course
↓
5624405f-0d40-43cf-a57b-456cf3f2f85d.gif
- What is that a jar of, dude? - Pig parts.
parts
↓
dd0883c8-d06c-424f-805d-ccbc147ab92a.gif
How many can there possibly be? Oh, good to see her again. Good.
possibly
↓
fb355a16-9e8f-490c-be18-0851b92a8937.gif
She doesn't know what I'm saying, right? Okay. Here he comes.
comes
↓
c8dc19c3-cd36-4e74-b374-0facf30c124b.gif
You're here in the world. That's the sun. It's gonna hurt your eyes.
eyeshurtworld
↓
df3992df-2481-4417-8d5f-bb7710763cff.gif
Watch your mouth. They've got thin corneas.
mouththinwatch
↓
5e184ed5-42ba-43bd-9e1a-a1cb82853e5a.gif
CHARLIE: What is that? A fife? You brought your little flute.
broughtcharlieflute
↓
ee048070-bb45-4c14-93e1-1e71dcdc11a7.gif
Is there more? Are there any more? Get 'em all out.
↓
5754a98f-a84f-4ab2-a8fd-c633c9ace28e.gif
All right. Look. I tell you what. Leave me alone, okay?
alone
↓
6b4aa105-9115-4581-ab98-8040be3ca9dc.gif
I don't care what you do. Just leave me alone.
alonecare
↓
de8bf3b9-f0c0-4968-b8e8-c0027eb60c02.gif
'Cause, like, I'm here to relax and have a good time.
relax
↓
9866f2a6-9ef6-4be2-8898-ea783116b019.gif
I don't want any of your shit. All right? So leave me alone, okay?
alone
↓
8c6786df-b60e-4eda-a6f5-744a2bc85f4e.gif
We be cool. We're even now.
cool
↓
6b37577b-a1c1-4f35-afb5-1b0987956d4b.gif
- Bump it. - I'm not bumping your fist.
bumpbumpingfist
↓
787dc668-b805-4a29-a3a8-cbd0294e0b54.gif
- Bump it. - Do it, Charlie. Bump it.
bumpcharlie
↓
5b00959e-0159-497d-9697-04c21dabe42b.gif
I'm not bumping you, all right?
bumping
↓
f78039ab-ecb3-42b2-9d05-40eda54488bf.gif
I never bumped him once! I'm not gonna bump him!
bumpbumped
↓
4f97fcfd-c2c0-4de6-b558-ffb1dc5805ac.gif
- Whatever. No bumping. - These guys are freak shows, man.
bumpingfreakshows
↓
8464e67e-5f57-4d58-ae80-e38a0d293b31.gif
COACH: Hustle up! Let's go, bitches!
bitchescoachhustle
↓
2f214839-4b64-4273-ad7d-5b944b3c01ea.gif
- Let's move it! Let's move it! - I was here first, Coach.
coach
↓
25855c9c-85bf-40f3-9391-431c440e5e6b.gif
- Hustle! - Coach! Hi. Hi, there.
coachhustle
↓
92b422cb-1c99-4dba-82dc-214038ea9568.gif
Cole. Cole Armstrong.
armstrongcole
↓
eff89e96-8015-443c-9996-c2211db34712.gif
Three-time all-American. Fastest sprinter in five counties. Coach?
americancoachfastestfivethree
↓
e6728ab8-12ac-402d-9345-156d5b87e707.gif
Would you like us to stand when you address us,
addressstand
↓
14500b3b-1355-4354-9d42-d25aa98c02c2.gif
or do you prefer we take a knee?
kneeprefer
↓
806342ef-7998-43ad-8196-b5b263df3a9d.gif
- I don't give a shit! - Okay. I'll take a knee.
knee
↓
144e179b-48d6-4d24-ab3e-13b7b3f1ebe5.gif
I'll take a knee. (clears throat)
clearsclears-throatkneethroat
↓
14172fe9-9d20-45b2-bdaa-be278cb6937a.gif
We're doing these tryouts for you, because of your harassment
harassmenttryouts
↓
befd4425-40bd-4adc-9f81-457319287b42.gif
and your love for the New Kids on the Block movie.
blockkidslovemovie
↓
c075f321-5b52-46a5-bd0c-c8b6b3c3807e.gif
You paid your $30 fee. We promised you a keynote speaker.
paidpromisedspeaker
↓
3823a955-d08f-4125-ac9c-d123bc73c335.gif
- All right. Bring him up. - McNabb, dude. McNabb.
bringmcnabb
↓
191652de-7c3b-459c-acb9-cfecaa53b1a9.gif
- Gentlemen! - Uh, is this good here?
gentlemen
↓
85d15773-0744-42de-9654-e814d16deada.gif
Yeah, that's cool. Just put your parking brake on.
brakecoolparking
↓
ece105e9-ad6e-486d-a01d-1dcc0f32cc5f.gif
(clears throat) Donovan McNabb.
clearsclears-throatdonovandonovan-mcnabbmcnabbthroat
↓
e4a3eba4-114e-45ed-9ca6-5306bf4cf545.gif
Hey, guys. I'm Donovan McNabb. Whoo.
donovandonovan-mcnabbmcnabbwhoo
↓
80e32d4f-7779-4124-83fe-8fba07ef98b5.gif
Uh, I play quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles.
eaglesphiladelphiaphiladelphia-eaglesquarterback
↓
151bb118-0f95-4e78-8cc4-e44a6e073615.gif
And I'm here to tell you that you can, too,
↓
fafbb0e7-9f0a-4b51-9a3b-081c029c1016.gif
f you start every day with a hearty breakfast from McDonald's.
breakfastheartymcdonaldsstart
↓
ce05d348-26fa-4f27-81bb-4141e262e256.gif
Uh, like the new Sausage Egg McGriddle Value Meal,
mealsausagevalue
↓
8b2c70b1-1c7c-4d3f-987d-5f35b7c5e5a2.gif
available now for a limited time for under five dollars.
availabledollarsfivefive-dollarslimited
↓
dfbe0824-971b-4382-bfe1-bb1e9f055924.gif
Remember, guys. Real champs eat at McDonald's.
mcdonaldsrealremember
↓
4510eadf-f818-4cb3-9f7b-1be5b8674841.gif
I'm lovin' it. Can I get the check?
checklovin
↓
ae7623cf-ff44-4531-ac9e-065e45de64a0.gif
- That's good. - What the hell was that?
↓
32569222-5989-473b-b927-f28abff7bf84.gif
Thanks, Donnie.
donniethanks
↓
85474120-e8fa-45d0-b3ae-7351ab179bc0.gif
- That was not Donovan McNabb! - That was not Donovan McNabb!
donovandonovan-mcnabbmcnabb
↓
38cdcb37-9c93-4998-a0c6-21d72b13e2d5.gif
- Yes, it was. - It was like a McDonald's plug.
mcdonaldsplug
↓
137efa3d-3f26-4897-8396-92552ab26665.gif
Was that the guy from "The Cosby Show?"
cosby
↓
5c7a5b2b-f2a0-46af-959b-a985217af9b2.gif
- That's not the guy from... - Yeah. He was married to Sondra.
married
↓
4c804e6e-03ec-401b-808f-d383ca794ec8.gif
- Alvin. - They had Raven-Symoné.
alvin
↓
7687e169-7798-47ce-974b-59ac314d8bfe.gif
- That's so Raven. - That's not the guy from...
↓
09aa4dbb-7612-41dc-8266-5bd092c26a40.gif
You know what? Sprints! (whistle blows)
blowswhistlewhistle-blows
↓
e2ea507c-d769-4ec3-bfaa-1644623df4cb.gif
- Goddamn it! - Sprints!
goddamngoddamn-it
↓
dc968a99-7b3f-4a9e-9e2f-dbc4652bd391.gif
- Sprints! - Good job, dude.
↓
1f3717b5-8b05-47e2-9675-438549bd63db.gif
- I'm starting to feel it. Mmm! - I bet you are, bud.
starting
↓
edd0e250-d454-4d56-b7ad-2c10753d6479.gif
- Feeling weird. - Yeah, probably feeling very weird.
feelingweird
↓
ddf155ad-812f-4243-8f70-9fcb3acd52dd.gif
The acid's making me feel like I gotta take a dump.
dump
↓
58f86647-4b59-438a-9950-dd05898b00e3.gif
That's what happens when you take a lot of acid, dude.
acidhappens
↓
9f02615f-5d51-441b-928e-b09f95386fc2.gif
- I gotta go. - Then go.
↓
8c7c5073-7371-4af2-8b25-5c375097d831.gif
The line's too long. Maybe I can hold it in.
lines
↓
ccbc5f5f-4cef-4761-a1f1-f7d96fd96daf.gif
- Then go in the McPoyles' camper. - Oh, no.
campermcpoyles
↓
8a03df1a-f03c-4a34-8226-cd69c3b99f06.gif
That might bring back bad memories. I think I'm gonna hold it.
bringmemoriesmight
↓
f1d08f9c-1e96-4645-aafd-6329ed28a495.gif
- How you feeling? - Annoyed.
annoyedfeeling
↓
17548f44-4cb3-4669-96dd-6ab4c8d24594.gif
- There's nothing kicking in yet? - What you talking about? The beer?
beerkicking
↓
8945b643-0806-4ca2-b687-f31295165269.gif
No. The acid.
acid
↓
b63ec276-b3c3-413f-91f3-c5d303e82c66.gif
- I did not take any acid. Remember? - Oh, yeah, you did.
acidremember
↓
146cea84-adcb-4b1f-9064-b6dad03ea2d5.gif
What are you talking about?
↓
0b30bfe1-e385-44b5-aec9-98a5c1c62fdc.gif
I put a shitload of it in your beer.
beershitload
↓
fde3dfe1-5a49-4b86-b18c-7ea5a18388e0.gif
- What? - Yeah.
↓
a949b462-60e4-4bcd-846f-65dfc7ac2eeb.gif
Is that what all those little pieces of paper were floating...
floatingpaperpieces
↓
1871d6d1-eda5-43b9-a73e-f6c3330711ad.gif
I drank all that shit, dude! There was a ton of acid in there!
aciddrank
↓
535683bc-5273-4fe1-ae17-ee2222ca4bc4.gif
- Yeah. - Why would you do that?
↓
0909c791-fe9d-4f3b-92a4-64d3f13c28f1.gif
I don't want to be the only one tripping.
tripping
↓
b0482fb1-1b9f-47ba-9e83-a43d919afdf2.gif
Oh, my God, man!
↓
31c82d50-edb5-4bfb-b67d-4db50f0fcf7d.gif
- Oh, my God! - I really have to go take a dump.
dump
↓
6d01be9a-772a-4609-b56d-c52936eafd58.gif
Shut up. I don't care. Go to their camper.
campercare
↓
9edb8464-5dcc-400b-8e23-4fa00d4503a7.gif
I don't care, dude. Get out of here. Oh, you sick son of a bitch, dude!
bitchcaresick
↓
9da7cf80-49fe-4610-9117-c84cbf881f60.gif
Why would you do... Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
↓
141645c2-2ced-4b1a-a008-733e43d17634.gif
(panting)
panting
↓
dbb118ab-29af-41d6-a5ee-eed9593e89ad.gif
- You ready to quit yet, Cole? - Yeah. You had enough yet, Cole?
colequitready
↓
ba6eb7f5-8dca-48f3-8604-08bf6a290dfb.gif
- Yeah, Cole! - We ran for, like, 10 minutes.
coleminutes
↓
643244fb-d6c3-42b8-affe-3057158b0570.gif
- My side is gonna explode. - You guys are in terrible shape.
explodeshapeside
↓
44a073f4-8876-49eb-8a7a-591dc6b5e234.gif
This is gonna be a lot easier than I thought.
easier
↓
3d11471b-c7cd-4ab3-aa61-ce5435ac7cf2.gif
(whistle blows) Let's go!
blowswhistlewhistle-blows
↓
cc682aaf-8fd5-441d-9595-e5ec69bcc80d.gif
- Let's go! Move it! MAC: I'm in so much pain.
pain
↓
5bd95e46-13a0-4dbf-9f4f-4beb522186dc.gif
All right. Now that we got our hearts pumping,
heartspumping
↓
cb1bf01b-f9e3-4deb-922d-1dec4fa7cbbe.gif
let's pick out some gear, pick a partner... hitting drills!
gearhittingpartnerpick
↓
7fcf1e08-d664-42c2-b797-6f7bd569dc99.gif
I pick Cole!
colepick
↓
2df41dcd-f92c-4e42-93e6-8a7cba124e68.gif
(whistle blows) (groans)
blowsgroanswhistlewhistle-blows
↓
a82a8228-935c-49ef-8721-1790fa5febbf.gif
Oh, no, he didn't! Oh, no, he didn't!
↓
83290b7d-00b2-45a4-abb7-cb229c20a65a.gif
That's my signature dance. Gonna do that when I tackle people.
dancesignaturetackle
↓
80bf6b1b-3302-4ebb-b1d5-2b5f64849c41.gif
I like your form on that and I liked how you went before the whistle.
formlikedwhistle
↓
1312cf9b-9357-4959-a9e7-bcdda02021ca.gif
- Goddamn right. - Nice. (whistle blows)
blowsgoddamnwhistlewhistle-blows
↓
75cfbf14-7c5c-4053-a9e6-5d4c25ef7d9c.gif
All right, guys. Let's pick new partners.
partnerspick
↓
73df05d1-ab33-4eb3-afc8-123d972eb346.gif
Eeny, meeny, miny, mo.
↓
7da0a7c6-c93c-42a9-be83-456e9cc6a627.gif
(groans)
groans
↓
772e310a-1703-4ec3-9402-2bad8ee7ff70.gif
(whistle blows) Nice. All right. You're up, man.
blowswhistlewhistle-blows
↓
bfdb2ab4-1238-4ada-a456-52b335fc7061.gif
Ah. Uh, hitting's not really my thing, Coach.
coach
↓
250b3d63-9bf9-4749-bdb8-9dcb43bba590.gif
Spoken like a true champion. You just might make the team.
championmightspokenteam
↓
b5f13d05-2bed-4d90-86ab-760a802429fb.gif
- Awesome. Really? - Jesus Christ.
awesomechristjesusjesus-christ
↓
76ec9d05-ebe4-480c-b054-fa881900a8d5.gif
Don't talk to anybody. These people are freak shows.
anybodyfreakshows
↓
8054b626-b7a3-4fff-91e0-e72b9bcab171.gif
Wait. Wait. Better wash your hands.
handswash
↓
6825c57f-88de-43f3-9819-0754b0c4d879.gif
No telling what kind of germs these McPoyles have.
germsmcpoylestelling
↓
51a80219-5eb1-4978-8d75-3e510111d3d0.gif
Oh! Crap!
↓
a0ef7aa9-f002-4f48-b41a-5c2e7db8649f.gif
(groans) I'm starting to feel weird.
groansstartingweird
↓
c96f47b0-9dd5-4b88-ae07-7f100d422fe9.gif
What the hell? Oh, no. Not again.
↓
5ab9aa36-ac97-414e-b423-79dce7a329a8.gif
Oh, no! Hey!
↓
01fdf12c-b21d-437d-9810-a60f815d061d.gif
Hey! Hey! Hey! Somebody get me outta here!
outtasomebody
↓
28745b9d-80aa-40ee-a92b-042de3133ee0.gif
(grunts, laughs) Man, my brother just leveled your boy out there.
brothergruntslaughs
↓
7e981ac2-cd62-4cb1-9fe1-138b406fc61c.gif
He's gonna make the Eagles. Yeah, your boy's a pansy.
boyseaglespansy
↓
96698e8c-e18c-4bcc-a3ee-343ad5749899.gif
But Doyle's a big strong guy. Probably 'cause he eats fish.
eatsfishstrong
↓
b8eb55dc-dfe4-451a-8771-17f81a8afb38.gif
What is going on with his head? It's too small or tight or something.
headtight
↓
57961210-b31d-4551-bb04-ecff3ec70172.gif
Yeah, that's it. His skin's too tight.
skinstight
↓
b142527c-ef68-4c39-aa45-2cd37509d158.gif
My skin's not tight.
skinstight
↓
c86912ce-ff74-4d92-8d28-516aedeb6f12.gif
Good catch, Doyle! Good catch! Way to hustle! Way to hustle!
catchdoylehustle
↓
3f5d3df9-0009-4538-9120-67d297283282.gif
- All right. Who's next? - This guy.
↓
376c6fb3-0420-42be-ad3b-bd7475253a41.gif
All right. Run out and hook in.
hook
↓
b8ea211d-432a-48a9-8ccc-79f5452e1852.gif
Run out and hook in. Show these people how to play football.
footballhook
↓
db25f4c6-1324-4cb7-8ccd-4a8ba59773ab.gif
(whistle blows)
blowswhistlewhistle-blows
↓
d8daf14a-b6f9-43d1-be8f-980b8f7b8d00.gif
My form is perfect. I'm like Jerry Rice.
formjerryperfectrice
↓
f5bed132-3c6a-4faa-8882-a60be273117a.gif
Feel that stride. So fluid and fast. I've got the stride of a gazelle.
fastfluidgazellestride
↓
f2f9eed4-7547-46f3-8f1a-fc0b1e6774a3.gif
A beautiful, beautiful gazelle person.
gazelleperson
↓
93288896-de15-41bb-8837-1a64430f3542.gif
My body is achieving a perfect symmetry right now.
bodyperfect
↓
f4d0055b-ba50-495e-86b4-180b512c0017.gif
It's that long, lean muscle I've worked so hard to achieve.
achievehardleanmuscleworked
↓
2047cfe7-52fc-4947-84a9-1fedc4cd0789.gif
Hmm, I should've popped my shirt off.
poppedshirtshouldve
↓
28aa969c-78d6-477e-9b63-891269516d7a.gif
Goddamn it. Really should've popped that shirt off.
goddamngoddamn-itpoppedshirtshouldve
↓
ea141d26-33ca-427b-a0e9-8800fdf84a35.gif
I wonder if any women are watching from the sidelines.
sidelineswatchingwomenwonder
↓
b76609da-999e-46ff-b4da-8e6646df4757.gif
You're better at sports than Mac and Dennis.
dennissports
↓
c182fbb7-97d4-4d2d-9fd5-237c6ceb621e.gif
COACH: Holy shit! The other coaches gotta hear about this.
coachholy
↓
c387cfed-fa05-4f77-b6cc-698469ecc3d6.gif
Well, well, look who's a natural.
natural
↓
cab50593-6c61-4841-b986-01c55d3cb9b6.gif
Guess I'll be getting further than you after all.
further
↓
7099e55b-4096-4ff6-88f3-4b16aafba9d5.gif
- Maybe it was a lucky kick. - No.
kicklucky
↓
e4fa1c08-fa29-49e3-86fd-e7e5c211e6c3.gif
No. Those stork-like legs, they act like pendulums.
legs
↓
f79c9643-0d7d-4f65-953e-b21eea2a781f.gif
And on the bottoms of those pendulums, feet like wrecking balls.
ballsbottomsfeetwrecking
↓
47c3afcf-2a9d-436c-9a27-fe075ac92aca.gif
We gotta do something about this, dude.
↓
1ab3118c-028b-48a4-9900-52bbf92064d1.gif
Let's go talk to Frank. Come on. I got an idea.
frankidea
↓
47a342cf-b9f1-4113-a2de-56ad7117aa4d.gif
Somebody! Somebody help!
somebody
↓
746f758b-f797-4424-b872-f642b1f180c7.gif
Goddamn it! Goddamn it! Not again!
goddamngoddamn-it
↓
e6e44dcb-8243-41fc-a3fa-536ee201e409.gif
(gasps)
gasps
↓
e6ef92d9-6946-4c0b-bdb3-29c7226cce36.gif
WOMAN: Frank.
frankwoman
↓
aec3c8b8-c5e7-48df-b946-2ec438d1d430.gif
WOMAN: Hey, Frank.
frankwoman
↓
8c0a98f4-c77f-48dc-94c3-c901379b8fdd.gif
Who said that?
↓
2770e516-b09d-428e-a0d6-6ac0dc7ea5b5.gif
I'm Artemis. I'm Dee's friend.
artemisdeesfriend
↓
17996589-265a-4c95-ae3e-a1d32fb34f4b.gif
- I'm trapped. - I know.
trapped
↓
26eba3e4-09a5-4851-9d0b-30a1dfb31e27.gif
I can help. Crawl into my mouth.
crawlmouth
↓
fc4b5b92-e7b9-4c15-84a0-3eca5db914b7.gif
I don't think I can fit.
↓
6a788442-0065-4d28-8223-5166262a0259.gif
Mmm, sure you will. Just go one leg at a time.
↓
5424dcae-42a5-4c33-8c87-40b7313eab36.gif
Okay.
↓
75993f03-9f77-4716-b0fa-45cc4c773419.gif
Into the toilet I go.
toilet
↓
e3d6d154-8953-4d5f-a29e-478586ea9281.gif
(Charlie thinking) Man, this is crazy.
charliecrazythinking
↓
c5363fea-1edc-45e8-812b-45b955d79dc7.gif
You are dancing with the entire McPoyle family.
dancingentirefamilymcpoylemcpoyle-family
↓
d75f7a22-25c5-4afd-a0d4-2eba7eb4349c.gif
These people are freak shows, man. Freaks.
freakfreaksshows
↓
66f9787b-7f41-4ad2-866a-c886a49e2d1b.gif
But you're keeping your cool. You are keeping your cool.
coolkeeping
↓
7a2084a3-dc27-48f2-8fa4-d9c892f1be5a.gif
You know why? Because you are the Green Man.
green
↓
55244cd4-066b-4cda-8347-276623aeea3f.gif
Green Man is saving your life right now, bro. Just go with the flow.
flowgreenlifesaving
↓
f47c7069-e987-4fb2-a9d2-9e5079bb14b5.gif
Charlie, we've been looking all over for you, dude.
charlielooking
↓
ac75f482-ee16-4a6b-b429-1197e67c4ec2.gif
Green Man. I knew you couldn't resist.
greenresist
↓
b95841df-c422-4a5f-9a5e-e8f70ae9cf13.gif
Huh? You know what? I'm actually tripping pretty hard right now.
hardtripping
↓
814ae649-07ea-4d8f-ad93-f13689065a85.gif
- You're tripping? - Yeah.
tripping
↓
59443f4e-6fbc-440f-bd92-bdd1af937939.gif
Frank gave me some acid, and it's like...
acidfrank
↓
08b98987-a9b8-433e-abf3-b6348101d560.gif
- Oh, Jesus. - Hey, guys.
jesus
↓
85e39cf8-2417-4904-8c0f-fa88078cfa29.gif
Guess who got invited to training camp.
campinvitedtraining
↓
82096c4d-cd00-414e-985e-7969925b5ca1.gif
Yeah. We're gonna be famous.
famous
↓
8b0aa174-51c9-4111-af6c-c2a61b317115.gif
Look. We need to talk to Green Man alone for a second, please.
alonegreensecond
↓
55f25aee-f7c6-4583-a58b-043b010aa189.gif
- Okay? Thank you. Yes. Bye. - Can we talk to the Green Man?
green
↓
b6abdced-9427-455f-9c1a-936b6694cd32.gif
Just go. Thank you.
↓
7c20b90f-5161-4471-aff5-1edfb287848a.gif
- Charlie, where's Frank? - Really important.
charliefrank
↓
bbf77776-13ca-4325-92bb-85858786612c.gif
- Oh, Frank? TOGETHER: Yes.
frank
↓
2a3f5cd4-d4b8-446a-8075-d8b8f7233fcb.gif
He's standing right there.
standing
↓
525bab29-ce9c-48a6-90a2-d23f466f9b1d.gif
Frank, what the hell are you doing?
frank
↓
5a833b5a-edf5-44fb-8aad-aa926da879a6.gif
He's been trying to climb through that trash can for 20 minutes.
climbminutestrash
↓
6a8cc1d0-3991-40d3-be5c-1114191705c7.gif
- I'm pretty sure he's on acid. - Thank God you guys are here.
acid
↓
70ebb18c-0515-41fe-a80f-359ea873b1c4.gif
- How'd you get in here? - What are you talking about?
howd
↓
5e0d51d1-fd96-4ee3-881c-6728b6e065b4.gif
I've been stuck in this bathroom for three hours.
bathroomhoursstuckthreethree-hours
↓
5b51df49-ff01-4782-b76b-1938da8afbaa.gif
I think he took a dump in there.
dump
↓
064967fc-9088-4f5a-8047-8eab3df720f1.gif
- Can you give us a second, please? - Whatever.
second
↓
00e174d6-e2d0-4f10-a206-0735a80a0c85.gif
I'm getting tired of watching him anyway.
tiredwatching
↓
6761d9e3-d6f8-4ed9-81d9-967d0278813b.gif
All right. Frank, listen. Did you bring your gun today?
bringfranktoday
↓
477a2a53-abea-4fba-bace-898c0a6bca17.gif
- Great. Walk me through the plan. - The plan is, I get close to Dee.
closeplanwalk
↓
77d2bcbb-080f-45fb-8881-c4e2f1bc6f11.gif
When she goes to punt the ball, I fire the gun. It'll startle her.
ballfireitll
↓
e2b6f753-348b-42fd-a090-5f0eddfbf365.gif
- She'll blow the kick. - That's a great plan.
blowkickplanshell
↓
357da4cd-86f3-4f30-abc0-93b423d207f1.gif
Wait a second! How long have we been standing right here?
secondstanding
↓
b81280a7-0873-470d-b308-647eca539627.gif
- Like two seconds. - Seriously?
seconds
↓
e701a2e3-ca15-415c-8e78-522f75ebb6d4.gif
Yeah. Frank, give me the gun. We're in a hurry.
frankhurry
↓
5b8751d3-2fbc-41f9-8114-a77139969853.gif
- Where is it? - It's in your hand.
hand
↓
6bbf3bdd-16ee-479c-a093-c8f15d5fed73.gif
Wait, wait, wait! When the hell did I put Green Man on?
green
↓
8a729988-701b-41a2-afdd-fb6596d007bd.gif
- I don't know. - That lizard talks!
lizardtalks
↓
f292205c-614f-41b2-9d7e-ce208772fabd.gif
Where? Where? I don't like lizards!
lizards
↓
5f68fb17-1d96-4497-a4cc-c96143d65ad2.gif
We don't have time for this. Frank, just give us the gun!
frank
↓
691cb365-93f0-4ed1-bec7-86c5a1a903d0.gif
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Lizard, am I standing in poop?
lizardpoopstandingwhoawhoa-whoawhoa-whoa-whoa
↓
8694f1ec-b498-4393-a95e-fc27591ebfe3.gif
I'm gonna demonstrate to all of you my natural abilities as a punter.
abilitiesdemonstratenatural
↓
3f34b4b6-3f37-470f-bea5-aa1922ae1cd7.gif
I'm gonna kick this ball 60 yards
ballkickyards
↓
4e40b018-524e-429b-96b2-c4050f9eb3a0.gif
right in front of your faces, and I'm gonna do it...
facesfront
↓
9ac105ea-77e4-4b42-bd2b-6cb2415d3d3a.gif
as a woman.
woman
↓
4fec755f-ac06-4610-9848-3e0e062952d3.gif
(all groaning) Oh, that's right. I'm a woman.
groaningwoman
↓
ccdebbf0-131d-42dc-a580-0bf36e9fa888.gif
And I'm about to show all of you that women
women
↓
5ceb2952-572e-4d52-945e-fed44d91290d.gif
should be allowed to try out for the Philadelphia Eagles. Coach.
allowedcoacheaglesphiladelphiaphiladelphia-eagles
↓
6cdea791-778c-4061-9250-402cc9f183f8.gif
(sighs)
sighs
↓
ff3f5de7-f9a0-4e5c-88ea-c3fdf6477db5.gif
Wrap your minds around this.
mindswrap
↓
6d6665a9-f823-4857-81ef-0443cbb30c63.gif
Oh! (gasping)
gasping
↓
5eed4186-0a56-4dd7-8021-4e193a5f7d09.gif
Oh, I broke it. Oh, it may be broken.
brokebroken
↓
0ffc01b9-8384-4edb-a8d7-d84ac86cb791.gif
Oh, sweet Jesus, I think I broke it.
brokejesussweetsweet-jesus
↓
e185ae0b-2c9b-4500-a834-42363b8091aa.gif
- Kick your legs, man. Come on. - You're out of the trash can.
kicklegstrash
↓
9032f4a1-81ec-4e64-bf3f-b7111ab5974b.gif
- A deal is a deal. Give us the gun. - Hold on. Hold on.
deal
↓
acf3dfc7-4c9b-4abd-a462-6bd7169929a7.gif
I'm really peaking here.
peaking
↓
d17826d6-bc75-45d9-b539-ea91ec658346.gif
- Stop pointing the gun at us! - Stop pointing it at us!
pointing
↓
9de57d1f-f2f5-4304-a807-932e2e14e534.gif
Point it somewhere else.
point
↓
5c879808-47bc-45b0-ab55-dd80173519ec.gif
Nobody minds if I do a little dancing now, do they?
dancingmindsnobody
↓
2df9136d-a0e9-48c1-b807-273d619b1eca.gif
- Nobody cares if you're dancing. - Hey, guys.
caresdancingnobodynobody-cares
↓
41209152-006f-4e3e-be3b-5e0f727289c1.gif
Could somebody please take me to the hospital, 'cause I'm pretty sure
hospitalsomebody
↓
9626726a-79e1-4e50-a046-2b7244e27df6.gif
I broke every single bone in my foot punting that football.
bonebrokefootfootballsingle
↓
72f1353c-87db-4b17-9090-abd301169662.gif
- Really? - Yeah. I didn't make the Eagles,
eagles
↓
ffc27780-c4e3-4640-ae80-50f757b43b70.gif
but I would like to go to the emergency room now, please.
emergencyemergency-roomroom
↓
004dd56b-45f7-404b-9d2c-8dd8f563fe02.gif
No, my bones aren't... You know what? Forget...
bonesforget
↓
a994ab11-69de-4a82-9f25-22b21568b3ef.gif
It doesn't matter, I made the furthest, so I win.
matter
↓
545a8a63-2be9-4409-b83b-9c42887fe847.gif
No, I win because you're the girl, and you got knocked unconscious.
girlknockedunconscious
↓
552e0ddd-4240-4b03-8b3a-114160fe6ee7.gif
- You didn't win. You got crushed. - Once again! Yes!
crushed
↓
ecdeb874-9f53-460c-a372-46ed995d1171.gif
What is this? That is so stupid. Guess what. I made it the farthest.
fartheststupid
↓
da112ea7-bb73-47e9-b07b-1be6db8bdd16.gif
- Yes, yes! (mocking) - Yeah, yeah, yeah!
mocking
↓
7b4aeefc-ddad-48f3-a752-874c1f1716f0.gif
You shattered every bone... (gunshot)
bonegunshotshattered
↓
9ffb0c36-1b02-4cd5-986f-7020317ff069.gif
Holy shit. This thing is loaded. (laughing)
holylaughingloaded
↓
3f86f24f-f4ae-4f69-aef5-1b6d38db22c8.gif
DOYLE: My leg! - Doyle, are you okay?
doyle
↓
2df3bb19-3967-4d21-9451-98e270794816.gif
My leg! Somebody shot my leg!
shotsomebody
↓
66124339-d0d4-495f-a048-433168623bb0.gif
No!
↓
8b1a58d0-6af5-4fdc-b677-20fbbf18db45.gif
- Oh, that's not good. - That's not good.
↓
abca3b2c-8d2e-49f1-9438-65702d9e7c09.gif
No. That could come back and bite us in the ass.
bite
↓
fd0fceea-f129-43ea-8726-6c87ef1029e2.gif
- Ready? - Let's go!
ready