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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S03E01 — The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 3, Episode 1 — The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby
Air date: September 13, 2007
Director: Jerry Levine
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito
Dennis joins up with an environmentalist group, but his altruistic intentions quickly sour when he's snubbed by the activists. Dee and Mac decide to raise a baby they find in the dumpster, but quickly find out that it's not nearly as fun as they thought it would be, and Frank and Charlie take the concept of recycling a bit too far.
Source: TMDB
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DENNIS: Mac, you gotta see this movie, dude.
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DEE: Really? I thought it was boring.
boring
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Boring? It's about the end of the world, Dee.
boringworld
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"Inconvenient Truth" is not about the end of the world.
truthworld
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It is about how if we don't stop global warming,
globalglobal-warmingwarming
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we are going to destroy this environment.
destroyenvironment
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- It sounds cool. I'll check it out. - It is. It's awesome.
awesomecheckcoolsoundssounds-cool
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Dude, come on. What the hell is that?
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- What? - Are you kidding me?
kidding
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- What is the big deal, Dennis? - What's the big deal? Are you nuts?
dealdennisnuts
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It's like you see a movie, and now you're crazy about the environment.
crazyenvironmentmovie
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I'm sorry, Dee. Maybe I'd actually like to do some good in this world.
world
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Maybe I'd like to make a difference.
difference
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- You wanna do good? - You can't do good.
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I can do good. I am capable of doing good.
capable
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You just screw people over for your own benefit.
benefitscrew
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You guys are gonna be so angry when you look back and you see
angry
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that the world looks at Dennis Reynolds and says,
dennisdennis-reynoldsreynoldsworld
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"Dennis, you are a good person. You are making a di..."
dennisperson
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- Holy shit. - What?
holy
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There's a baby in this Dumpster.
babydumpster
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MAC: What the hell is it doing? - We gotta call somebody.
somebody
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Who? The police? The mother? I mean, think, Dee.
motherpolice
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Somebody put this baby in the trash. We can't put it back in the system.
babysomebodysystemtrash
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- It is a terrible system. - It's a horrible system.
horriblesystem
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It's a throwaway culture, everyone's just lookin' for the easy way out.
cultureeasyeveryoneslookin
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You don't wanna carry your Big Gulp anymore? Throw it in the street.
anymorecarrygulpstreetthrow
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Don't wanna take care of your baby? Throw it in a Dumpster.
babycaredumpsterthrow
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I just can't take it.
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- Charlie, you're harpin' on it. - Well, I'm sorry.
charlie
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I'd like to know whether or not I share a bed with my father.
fathersharewhether
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I'm tellin' you, I am not your father.
fathertellin
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- Then take a stupid blood test. - I'm not takin' no blood test.
bloodblood-teststupidtakintest
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Look, I've had enough of this. I'm not even gonna talk...
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- What the hell is that? - It's a baby we found in the trash.
babyfoundtrash
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Put it back, it doesn't belong to you.
belong
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- We're not gonna put it back. - Well, give it to the cops.
cops
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Get it outta here. It's bad for business.
businessoutta
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That's great, Frank. Pass the buck. Everybody passin' the buck.
buckeverybodyfrankpass
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We have to take responsibility for the refuse we're creating.
creatingrefuseresponsibility
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Oh, my God, dude. Are you still harpin' on that stupid
stupid
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global heating movie you saw? - "Global warming," Charlie.
charlieglobalglobal-warmingheatingmoviewarming
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Yeah, right. Like the earth is magically getting hotter.
earthhottermagically
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Stop! Clearly this is not the right environment for a child.
childenvironment
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I'll take care of the Dumpster baby until we figure out what to do.
babycaredumpsterdumpster-babyfigure
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- Dee, you're helping me. - What? No, I'm not.
helping
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You see what's happening here? Do you see this?
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Family values in this country are going down the toilet,
countryfamilytoiletvalues
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and it's because of people like you. Men and women
women
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raising a child together is a proven system a thousand years old.
childprovenraisingsystemthousandthousand-yearsyears
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There are parental roles that need to be filled here, right?
filledparentalroles
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Otherwise, the kid winds up roaming the streets,
otherwiseroamingstreetswinds
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having unprotected sex with multiple partners,
havingmultiplepartners
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sharing needles and contracting the H.I.V. virus, and it's your fault.
faultneedlessharingvirus
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Are you happy, Dee? Is this what you wanted?
happywanted
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You just gave this baby full-blown AIDS.
aidsbabyblownfullfull-blown
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What the hell are these scrubs doing, dude?
scrubs
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They're activists, Charlie. They're sifting through the trash
charlietrash
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looking for recyclable materials. - Recycling. What a waste.
lookingmaterialsrecyclingwaste
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Frank, we are trying to make a difference.
differencefrank
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You see? He has no problem not callin' me "Dad".
problem
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Uh, hey, man. Where can I get one of those recycle bags?
bagsrecycle
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- Get lost, narc. - Excuse me?
excuselostnarc
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What we're doing is completely legal.
completelylegal
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Why don't you just leave us alone?
alone
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Oh. No, I'm not a cop, man. I just wanna help out.
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(chuckles) Sure you do. I saw you pull up in that Range Rover.
chucklespullrangerange-roverrover
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- Is everything okay, Sage? - Everything's fine. I was just...
everythingssage
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... explaining to your friend that I want to help you guys out.
explainingfriend
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Listen, bro. I know your type.
type
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Straight-edge, mainline weekend warrior
edgemainlinestraightwarriorweekend
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comin' down here in your cashmere sweater
cominsweater
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with your moussed-up, hair-sprayed coif.
hairsprayed
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This isn't just a hobby for us.
hobby
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So why don't you take your phony, suburban, half-assed bullshit...
assedbullshithalfhalf-assedphonysuburban
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... someplace else?
someplace
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I'll take that, hippie.
hippie
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Hey, Frank! Frank! Fr-Frank!
frankfrank-frank
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(shrieks, ululating) Ha-ha!
shrieks
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(battle cries)
battlecries
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Dude, do you believe this thing, man? It's a...
believe
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(grunts, spits)
gruntsspits
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Charlie, Charlie, get down. (yells)
charliecharlie-charlieyells
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Dude, it's amazing! Look at this.
amazing
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Bro, you can chop a camel right in the hump
camelchophump
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and drink all its milk right off the tip of this thing.
drinkmilk
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- That is a find, man! - This is an Ali Baba sword, dude.
babasword
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Come on, you guys. Let's get out of here.
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- Dennis. Look at this. - I don't care about that, alright?
alrightcaredennis
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You guys are makin' me look like an asshole.
assholemakin
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I'm out here tryin' to make a difference,
differencetryin
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and you're here rummagin' around the trash like a couple of narcs.
couplenarcstrash
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You can't just come down here with your mainline,
mainline
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cashmere, mousse-coif hair spray
hairspray
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and start bein' like a suburban tool, you can't...
beinstartsuburbantool
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- Are you okay? - Did you even look at this?
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I don't know. I think I just got punked out by a couple of hippies.
couplehippies
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I gotta do somethin' about this.
somethin
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(door closes) Goddamn, this Dumpster baby's heavy.
babysclosesdoordoor-closesdumpstergoddamnheavy
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No, it's good for your back.
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So we got the diapers and the wipes and the powder.
diaperspowderwipes
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Shit, this raisin' babies is easy, huh?
babieseasyraisin
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I think, first things first, the baby smells like trash, right?
babysmellstrash
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Throw it in the bath. (crying)
bathcryingthrow
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- Already with this? - I didn't do it.
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I come home to a crying baby?
babycryinghome
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- No, I didn't do anything. - Jesus Christ.
christjesusjesus-christ
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I'm gonna kick back, grab a beer and watch the Sixers, all right?
beergrabkickwatch
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You're not gonna help? You wanted me to do this with you.
wanted
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Would it kill you to go shopping once in a while? We're outta beer.
beerkillouttashopping
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Oh, we are? No, we're not out of anything, Mac.
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- You don't live here. - Wait! One left. Nice.
leftlive
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(quietly) - Great. - If we'll raise this baby together,
babyquietlyraise
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t's important we at least try to make it work.
least
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When you're done with the bath, why don't you go get some beer,
bathbeer
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and, um, a pack of smokes would be good.
packsmokes
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We're not gonna raise anything together. You know why?
raise
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I said I would help you hang on to this Dumpster baby
babydumpsterdumpster-babyhang
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for a couple of days until we figure what to do with it.
coupledaysfigure
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Really? You're gonna raise your voice to me right now?
raisevoice
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- I'm not raising my voice. - I want a rational conversation.
conversationraisingrationalvoice
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I feel like you're berating me for absolutely no reason. You know what?
absolutelyberatingreason
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For the sake of the baby, we need some space.
babysakespace
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I'm gonna go with the guys, blow off steam.
blowsteam
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You're just gonna dump this thing on me and leave?
dump
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You gonna guilt me into staying? Okay, I guess I have to stay.
guiltstaying
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For the sake of Dumpster Baby. But I will tell you what.
babydumpsterdumpster-babysake
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I'm not gonna stand here and be berated. I'm going to bed.
stand
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(whispering) - My God, I can't... - Charlie?
charliewhispering
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Would you just please lay there and go to sleep?
sleep
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I can't sleep. It's impossible. My mind's goin' a mile a minute.
goinimpossiblemilemindsminutesleep
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Well, stop thinkin' about it. I'm not your father. Go to sleep.
fathersleepthinkin
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It's not that. I'm thinkin' about something completely different.
completelythinkin
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- It's the trash, isn't it? - It's the sweet, sweet trash.
sweettrash
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I mean, man, we found some amazing shit out there today.
amazingfoundtoday
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The kind of shit I didn't think you could find in the trash, you know?
trash
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I'm just goin' nuts thinkin' about what else is out there.
goinnutsthinkin
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Frank, there's ordinary guys just like you and me
frankordinary
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goin' through everyone else's trash. People don't appreciate their trash.
appreciateelsesgointrash
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284a4489-5bc9-4419-ae2b-05ead819d186.gif
Let's go get the flashlights.
flashlights
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So I scale this tree. This is a big tree too, right?
scaletree
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75f1fdaf-60a9-4713-80df-dc985bb747f7.gif
I get to the top of it. I find the nest.
nest
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This is baby bluebirds. They're starving to death.
babydeathstarving
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So I regurgitate my lunch, and I nourish the entire flock.
entireflocklunch
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Well, well, well. Check it out, babe.
babecheck
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- The narc is back. - Mmm.
narc
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Hey, uh, Sage, I thought about what you said.
sage
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I think you were right, man. I was half-assing it.
half
↓
c4783fc3-f73a-47c6-94b4-1c963a09ac4f.gif
But I'm not gonna half-ass it anymore.
anymorehalf
↓
b598217b-12c3-4318-9f57-ed8f1a6cc02b.gif
I'm gonna devote myself completely to the cause.
completely
↓
f2162880-6f37-4005-958f-51fa17606fde.gif
Look, bro. Just 'cause you come in here with your Birkenstocks
↓
e9bde8f7-363b-4e64-a829-cc9fbf8b7886.gif
and your Phish T-shirt doesn't mean you're devoted.
devotedshirt
↓
fbaaa231-7a42-4544-82dd-e0c6e901656d.gif
(scoffs) Means you're a total poser.
scoffstotal
↓
1f07bb26-b866-400d-80a7-39e7d3788f55.gif
Wow. Um...
↓
e72e0c2e-bd26-4c35-a388-4c44e60be5eb.gif
Well, you know what, man? I'm just gonna go then, I guess.
↓
446df727-013d-49a6-874e-9f1713a7c468.gif
You know, I'll take my Birkenstocks and my Phish T-shirt and my...
shirt
↓
9579dcaf-eb31-4202-84dd-359cb313fafc.gif
- Kind bud with me. - What?
↓
50d05e6a-eec8-428e-afa8-9de2206b4fdf.gif
GIRL: Did you just say you had kind bud?
girl
↓
cfafc55e-2796-4a34-809d-e5759bd15f71.gif
Kind bu... Yeah. I mean, you know, I just have, like, this much.
↓
149c83cf-198e-4c67-bd18-0006a82c0a31.gif
Hey, and look at this. It's a little ray gun.
↓
de682af1-7a36-4c08-9c55-19af8eadd847.gif
Oh, that's nice, man. Look at this thing right here, dude.
↓
e7d6d828-0790-4267-8b6c-abbfd637a729.gif
Put this in a plastic bag and, boom, shower radio, buddy.
boombuddyplasticradioshower
↓
5a59edba-02fa-4886-b4e5-367ee2d40fc5.gif
- Unbelievable. We're on a roll. - Look at this.
rollunbelievable
↓
414847c9-5d4d-490f-8054-9fc393c0d487.gif
We wrap stuff in this. Look. We can wrap it all up.
stuffwrap
↓
c646e178-8321-46a0-bf4b-28ca54872af3.gif
Electrics. Electrics! (crashes)
crashes
↓
a101749b-aaa4-4ecc-8087-914a909e42fa.gif
- Whoa! A sneaker. - What size?
sizesneakerwhoa
↓
75aab169-20b5-4136-9637-7e578a8dda2a.gif
- Fourteen. - Throw it in the pile, baby.
babyfourteenpilethrow
↓
79daf663-ad5e-4e29-867d-76f11c2c700a.gif
(crashes) Crash in the pile. Ah, Charlie, isn't this great?
charliecrashcrashespile
↓
08893475-f6d7-4578-8c0d-f167da93f735.gif
We go right to the source! Forget about the dump.
dumpforgetsource
↓
31769485-25be-49f4-a133-a8820c53b81c.gif
Yeah. Screw the dump, man. It's right in your backyard.
backyarddumpscrew
↓
b484d839-494d-489e-aaf9-f078ffdb0c67.gif
- This is it. What's that? - It's another coat, man.
anothercoat
↓
deb3cc9e-59de-4718-b28f-5da815ae40fa.gif
- Ooh, can I have it? - No.
↓
724efc40-2a0c-4daa-bb34-fcce522abee1.gif
- Well, you already got one. - Frank, use your head.
frankhead
↓
4e39bbfd-5fd0-4017-848e-3bdba4682d38.gif
This is the coat that's gonna protect my other coat. Come on, man.
coatprotect
↓
7233efb2-0da7-4971-af1e-1291f051a534.gif
- When you're right, you're right. - Yeah, baby. You'll find one.
baby
↓
4c4c54d2-ae1b-4e65-976d-8c402713e54e.gif
If you keep diggin', you're gonna find one of these. (laughs)
laughs
↓
362df663-6f83-4d75-ae13-6629a71194b5.gif
- Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me. - Huh? Oh, hello.
kiddin
↓
a0f19ab9-64e9-4928-824a-ab9b5db324bc.gif
Look who it is, huh? The girl who ruined my life
girlliferuined
↓
1e55646d-1110-484a-a9e0-fe8ca89e0a17.gif
by fallin' in love with my best friend and havin' sex with this guy.
bestbest-friendfriendhavinlove
↓
8de6e21b-fe89-474c-a6d0-af0fd1f8d957.gif
- How you doin'? - Gross. And "gross" to you.
doingross
↓
6a8b0229-3dd4-4720-a7c1-89f2c1183657.gif
You know what? I don't know what you're doing. I don't want to know.
↓
f8532a7e-6b28-4dfd-b7e7-ba263cd7d0e5.gif
Go and do it in somebody else's Dumpster, okay?
dumpsterelsessomebodysomebody-elses
↓
a79e728d-a642-4720-b7aa-8faa4cbf21bf.gif
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second.
secondwhoawhoa-whoawhoa-whoa-whoa
↓
f389ac59-5a6b-41ee-ab40-af7c33e89c0f.gif
- What do you got in those? - Coffee cups and food scraps.
coffeecupsfoodscraps
↓
93eae2fb-993b-413c-b16e-07a71c020167.gif
- Yeah, we'll take 'em. - Hand 'em over.
hand
↓
bdaf08be-2a93-441c-b74f-00ce213684b2.gif
- I don't know why it's cranky. - Well, maybe he's hungry.
crankyhungry
↓
d4a0008c-51f1-49c1-8cc1-d5cbb7f065ff.gif
- Your thoughts on nursing it? - I haven't slept in three days.
daysnursingsleptthoughtsthreethree-days
↓
8673242c-95cd-4be9-b538-bf3fc02a8f42.gif
I don't have thoughts anymore.
anymorethoughts
↓
6a75fe20-aeae-4ca6-a5fe-f5292e53e280.gif
You know, raising a child is not nearly as fun as I thought it'd be.
childfunnearlyraising
↓
d975d3ab-d573-4f22-8e13-1f8090acb1ff.gif
Well, what if we put it back where we found it?
found
↓
fd8c218a-c26a-4638-a252-e54dee1ae5b8.gif
Oh, my God, that is the cutest little baby I've ever seen.
babycutestseen
↓
0c2187dc-67ac-4d32-889b-0e81b75e8fc3.gif
- What's his name? - Uh, his name is...
name
↓
f4798524-f5ae-4030-a4eb-df5dff09308b.gif
- D... B. - D. B.
↓
c6e63531-d2c3-4cc9-9b8c-5befa4ee3685.gif
Oh, he could be a Gerber Baby. He could be in commercials.
babycommercials
↓
d6c087c3-98b0-45f6-af9a-370ccc2edc7b.gif
- I have an idea. - I'm three steps ahead of ya.
aheadideastepsthree
↓
5a90d1b2-d2e2-4b69-8c27-80889a71e9fd.gif
We need to make Dumpster Baby a star.
babydumpsterdumpster-babystar
↓
6f1b7900-696f-4586-b0c7-021b67cd7952.gif
It's what I'm talkin' about. We can't put it into a corrupt system.
corruptsystemtalkin
↓
bab266e1-c037-442c-a901-981d7267574d.gif
We have an opportunity to give it a real future here.
futureopportunityreal
↓
36670d0c-61ed-43a8-b881-51789e3f0efc.gif
- By making it a star. - Who live better than child stars?
childlivestarstars
↓
72c688dd-4d46-4132-b2fe-c69047d14128.gif
- Nobody. - Nobody. Rich, famous...
famousnobodyrich
↓
dd32f3cb-898d-4234-8181-5ca97ca04f66.gif
- They have it all. - The happiest people on earth.
earthhappiest
↓
6c05885e-51eb-4364-a0d7-bc183e1cc75c.gif
D.B., my main man, you got tossed into the right Dumpster.
dumpstermaintossed
↓
44eaff22-41b2-4ec9-b923-358d04dbc37a.gif
Brenda, I'm not gonna waste any more of your time than I have to.
brendawaste
↓
6c768e1f-98bc-4871-816c-38f192311c67.gif
We've got meetings with agents all over town.
agentsmeetingstown
↓
3d27e814-8ca5-4bcf-8211-23eca17325aa.gif
- Can you make D.B. a star? - Well, I'm sorry to say,
star
↓
38f17af5-6f44-4e17-81eb-3cf56770b934.gif
but in today's commercial world, there's just no room
commercialroomtodaysworld
↓
95604d67-eb7b-4400-878b-39b850957258.gif
for another white baby actor. There's an influx already.
actoranotherbabywhite
↓
80542caa-0c2a-44a2-8d7d-615772097834.gif
- White babies don't sell. - They're not selling right now.
babiessellsellingwhite
↓
b6a16d38-84ba-42f6-8e52-e90ae4fd16d1.gif
Question: Who is selling, Brenda?
brendaquestionselling
↓
8e186916-567b-4516-892f-922641800f79.gif
The Latino market is the fastest growing demographic in the country.
countryfastestgrowinglatinomarket
↓
3cb8d101-6053-40d4-84c2-61fe034d8cd6.gif
- Great. So Mexicans are selling. - Oh, well, D.B. can play Mexican.
mexicanmexicansselling
↓
0ba8c768-be06-44cf-99f7-e904e9840fdb.gif
D.B. could definitely be a Mexican. We get him some pistols.
mexicanpistols
↓
fdd57882-674b-4547-86f1-fc13066c4fca.gif
He fires 'em off like crazy. Do the jumpin' thing.
crazyfires
↓
9f7a7722-2709-44fe-8526-310dc4cbc962.gif
- He does the Mexican Jumpin' Bean. - Ayayay! (scatting mariachi song)
beanmexicansong
↓
2c5a7e65-ce3c-46c7-b6b5-2742da669f0e.gif
- With a little thing with chips. - He could sell chips.
chipssell
↓
ee89ec2a-8b29-4586-abef-4d41e8222c73.gif
And he can dip the chips into the nacho cheese.
cheesechips
↓
002b2c70-58d6-4c59-a7d6-858dec8adaae.gif
It's hilarious. For all we know, he is Mexican.
hilariousmexican
↓
7d3f2186-c5b7-4f65-9efb-4cb3c38d6596.gif
- 'Cause here's the thing. - Oh, we've got... Ooh, I...
↓
1046b2a4-8c7b-4f72-9d76-c85892657835.gif
I can't really get into the specifics of the whole thing,
specificswhole
↓
85258c0a-0553-4dbf-8b71-44ffbee473c1.gif
but we've got no idea who D.B.'s dad is.
idea
↓
f888780f-d83c-4689-bd03-c235399228e5.gif
We don't know who the dad is. It isn't me.
↓
78b83086-8280-45ec-97b6-1ffc2a1c8d2d.gif
I'm sorry, but your son just does not look Latino.
latino
↓
4502d560-c010-49a9-94b1-79a45d6142f8.gif
Oh. Well, I mean, that...
↓
888b1a8f-ebf0-4ecc-9a5e-f4e4123eaeb3.gif
- That's a bit of a disappointment. - That makes me sad.
disappointmentmakes
↓
9d38fa69-3701-4819-a8a7-6bda7f7c1607.gif
Because we're truly tryin' to give him a... future.
futuretrulytryin
↓
8dae04d6-f963-4ce3-871c-a847039f4ae4.gif
Is there anything that we can do?
↓
fcf6ea35-38f0-4d6b-8fcb-85c01ffd86f0.gif
Well, not unless you can change the color of this baby's skin.
babyschangecolorskin
↓
f90c692a-a881-4ca8-b3a4-15d054d0c765.gif
Let me get this straight. You wanna put your baby into a tanning bed.
babystraighttanning
↓
4c23838a-7478-4d9b-a546-bf6bdccd77a5.gif
- That's correct. - I'm sorry. That's against the law.
correct
↓
50ef2d79-a5a7-4bc6-82c1-f3d0fb06fb13.gif
Look, we're well aware of the law. We don't wanna jam you up here.
aware
↓
969e8d25-71be-43bb-b241-eb5237c99266.gif
We just wanna put him in there for a couple of minutes.
coupleminutes
↓
889885d2-019d-4771-a9f8-8e2f5b12739a.gif
- Just to get a base. - Just to get a base.
base
↓
d655227d-47ab-49e9-9d94-81b2b35ee000.gif
We'll sign whatever waivers.
sign
↓
6158f57b-cc39-4453-8de4-628f6adb9279.gif
Cook him a couple of minutes, and we'll be out of your hair.
cookcouplehairminutes
↓
035d95cc-5532-4f00-ba27-49b58ba7178b.gif
I am feeling compelled to call the authorities.
authoritiescompelledfeeling
↓
f53b21fc-8594-463c-8815-728dc4a3bd49.gif
Are you? Then why don't we take our business elsewhere?
businesselsewhere
↓
bf8db4fc-c277-46b1-8a54-43daf35d72be.gif
I sense some judgment in your voice, sir, and I don't appreciate it.
appreciatejudgmentsensevoice
↓
87ba1356-3eb0-42be-b1c9-4d7e4f80a6e9.gif
You could have helped change this child's life forever.
changechildsforeverhelpedlife
↓
5c594c3e-c655-4a89-a615-6606fbb11f70.gif
- You chose not to. That's on you. - I can live with that.
choselive
↓
0101f29a-ef72-4c5b-9f87-7563ed458444.gif
Come on, D.B. I guess the road to stardom
road
↓
c84e02c7-8ece-49c6-b90a-a7fcd6c7dd37.gif
s paved with hard knocks and orange assholes.
assholeshardhard-knocksknocksorangepaved
↓
e36a29cb-60d2-4a65-b82d-438ce0a1a1d7.gif
(protestors chanting) #Trees are people too, save this tree#
chantingprotestorssavetreetrees
↓
ec4fc933-64e8-4468-b8b3-f02cc139feb7.gif
These developer pigs are gonna tear down this tree.
pigsteartree
↓
3752ef3e-43cd-452a-b084-f36786095e69.gif
So tonight we will hold a candlelight vigil in protest.
protesttonight
↓
bbb75077-869a-4cd9-89d9-ddbb1c18de82.gif
Sage, Asriel, can we commune for a moment?
asrielcommunemomentsage
↓
c4f4a44b-88dd-4834-b0f4-9f852bd6d0e8.gif
- Yeah. What's up? - Well, listen.
↓
2df7208c-3a16-4000-a2d7-45162f4830e5.gif
I don't want to be putting out any negative vibrations,
negativeputting
↓
679e93db-088b-474d-9b4b-00965ee8348f.gif
but I think we're going about this the wrong way.
↓
5c1c03bb-39de-41a7-a7ca-f2dd146899e6.gif
- Thanks, but, uh, we got it. - Why don't we hear him out, Sage?
sagethanks
↓
53736ade-cbe4-4056-900d-a53d8299b8f2.gif
Thanks, Asriel. Listen.
asrielthanks
↓
d642e730-7d3d-48d4-ba03-cb786da563d0.gif
While I think lighting a couple of candles and singin' a few sweet jams
candlescouplejamslightingsinginsweet
↓
138f1913-be7a-4ddf-8795-df11c146678b.gif
sounds like a really good time, it's not gonna stop a bulldozer.
bulldozersounds
↓
eb428d5a-a021-41df-ab91-0226f7be8cdc.gif
Somebody needs to step up and be a hero here.
heroneedssomebodysomebody-needsstep
↓
5d9c0f7e-b265-4631-9aec-00dc41b96725.gif
So I'm thinkin', I would chain myself to that tree.
chainthinkintree
↓
79f76058-f237-446b-bb0e-882a794daeee.gif
That way, if they wanna kill that tree, they gotta kill me first.
killtree
↓
8ff17ef5-883d-4b8e-bf99-a1ee931f88d9.gif
That is so brave of you, Dennis.
bravedennis
↓
decb8e23-1a8b-46b6-b2ff-501af084ac53.gif
- Is it? - Wait.
↓
418eecb4-f4f4-41b4-832f-3ad3a1221321.gif
If anyone is gonna chain themselves to anything, it's gonna be me.
chain
↓
c68cfcbf-f71d-4c3f-a9ad-32594ba8f421.gif
- But it was Dennis's idea. - No, wait, Asriel. He's right.
asrieldennissidea
↓
5908e3fb-74af-4169-abe8-c270af070844.gif
- Maybe it should be him. - Right. I'm the one in charge here.
charge
↓
1507e9d4-96f6-42ca-a8bd-49e89133279f.gif
- Right. You're the one in charge. - Right.
charge
↓
864695d7-8135-4a81-8e71-257dc51975da.gif
- Mountain, go get some chains. - Wait. Hold off on that, Mountain.
chainsmountain
↓
baafd58c-7b9d-484a-9df5-a39eabf5b29a.gif
I brought some.
brought
↓
cdd1bf86-9efb-487d-97dd-ef0d35af8cae.gif
- Charlie, we gotta stop. - No. Two more stops, Frank.
charliefrankstops
↓
f723885b-2f9e-44d2-b129-6fa11242d115.gif
- Let's keep it moving. - Let's drop it off at base camp.
basecampdropmoving
↓
766932b3-73b8-4428-9107-165d0e4d2ede.gif
No. No base camp. We gotta keep movin', Frank.
basecampfrankmovin
↓
f624c126-5124-47bc-a38f-3c0a83b2bbb4.gif
- Ho! Do not lose that. - It's just a bottle.
bottlelose
↓
57d00ebb-d4ce-4f4b-919d-71f2361af925.gif
All right, I think we gotta stop. We gotta stop at the apartment.
apartment
↓
6a097f2d-6986-4894-9b4a-6233e956d18d.gif
- No, there's no time for that, man! - We gotta drop some stuff off.
dropstuff
↓
d0648989-c15e-4edd-980e-b8ec2030c6e8.gif
- Fine. We'll make it quick. - All right.
quick
↓
244cedd7-a1bb-404c-917e-5e3079904feb.gif
(clattering) Charlie, maybe we should get rid of some of this shit.
charlieclattering
↓
cfb953ca-7e64-4183-98b5-c678e815ae73.gif
- What? (mutters) - Yeah.
mutters
↓
a17f1fee-2248-4e1c-b38f-0470c1b5f5df.gif
- What'd you say, get rid of it? - Yeah.
whatd
↓
d8d16393-a4cf-4e2c-b5f7-feae4a3fb600.gif
- Frank, look at this. Huh? - Yeah.
frank
↓
1025e5a0-1047-4b9f-8d62-1cd46861afaf.gif
- This... This... Look at that, bro! - Yeah. Yeah.
↓
17bd1785-ddcc-48e6-89ed-9a50036b3b02.gif
This here's our future, man. People are just throwin' this away.
futurethrowin
↓
353bd275-778a-4377-a746-e776c188a45e.gif
Get rid of it, dude? Frank, we start gettin' rid of this,
frankgettinstart
↓
b436363f-790f-448f-9115-906bcf1d5f77.gif
we're gonna be just like the wasters out there.
↓
149ca550-6ad0-4a20-a224-01af6010399e.gif
Hey, guess what. Somebody else is gonna find it.
somebody
↓
3ddeea0d-6229-45e0-a024-83afdae5bb9e.gif
Ah, you're right, you're right, you're right.
↓
31c72887-5c41-43c5-847e-2eee0597128d.gif
Well, where are we gonna sleep?
sleep
↓
14d14e75-e5c4-4357-a3f1-5b107a79be89.gif
(sirens wailing in distance)
distancesirenssirens-wailingwailing
↓
e546a232-d529-42d5-a91d-61cea8623cdf.gif
(thunder rumbling) You sure you still wanna do this?
rumblingthunderthunder-rumbling
↓
817abcd1-afe6-419f-a621-c737aa090890.gif
Mountain, this is what it's all about.
mountain
↓
6622aff1-4d10-4ace-9d4f-0c4ad0731b29.gif
Me and my girl side-by-side, savin' a life,
girllifeside
↓
374f8838-a529-4b8a-ba2d-7338f8669122.gif
bringin' in the dawn together. I mean, come on!
dawn
↓
fc81f10d-f8a4-4d59-9a8e-8d33967f7ef4.gif
- Looks like it's gonna rain. - It does look like it's gonna rain.
rain
↓
2a8ea49a-569c-4a9c-bc85-4f0c33a4e7a6.gif
- Have you seen Asriel? - No.
asrielseen
↓
8cc08ef2-0b70-4041-ac3b-a5ab8938bdf8.gif
Wonder where she is.
wonder
↓
7a91ebee-354e-40e2-9823-6a4b3cde67f0.gif
(thunderclap) #Riders on the storm#
ridersstormthunderclap
↓
4a871393-8886-4905-84e6-f67f44786e5e.gif
Tonight we cross the plane of reality
crossplanerealitytonight
↓
af29dcf3-b659-48b2-a9d4-312b88adfb22.gif
nto the dimension of no place or time.
dimensionplace
↓
cbe28ed9-3f43-4710-917c-2952417401df.gif
Open your mouth.
mouthopen
↓
dbea864d-da14-4f53-a983-1a672f04f48a.gif
Become the journey.
becomejourney
↓
4b677517-b0c8-484c-b02c-aebae13df78e.gif
#Like a dog without a bone#
bone
↓
99333902-c0f3-41bc-8bea-250bd55cf6e5.gif
What are we doin', man? It's pourin' rain out here!
doinrain
↓
65c7915e-3552-4882-94ec-d35bc69f2903.gif
We're actin' like animals.
animals
↓
5225dbb6-8963-4f1c-a31f-6cb07fe5a371.gif
- We gotta stick together, Frank. - Yeah, let's stick together.
frankstick
↓
443c999b-8f2e-496d-816b-527d89a86f05.gif
- Let's use our heads. - What are we gonna do?
heads
↓
8c1e1be5-d55f-4319-9d9f-23c85b34ee17.gif
- We gotta get outta this rain. - Yeah. Where are we gonna go?
outtarain
↓
99117427-0e75-4f56-8183-7da7ddf6c81f.gif
We could get in that Dumpster.
dumpster
↓
304101fd-ba43-45b4-aacd-5199c232f59c.gif
I'm not above that. Let's go.
↓
f1d78266-7e4e-4d36-83c4-91deffaefc09.gif
(screaming, drawn out) Asriel!
asrieldrawnscreaming
↓
5082095d-259c-49c1-b39d-56ae9d41f58f.gif
Where are you?
↓
a2a5247e-ec6c-4a6e-bf65-e6c2c7d751bb.gif
(both moan)
moan
↓
be9fcecc-f598-4969-9786-773dd3a7bc21.gif
(moaning continues)
continuesmoaning
↓
d693f363-2fe9-4928-80af-e396ca176e06.gif
Can you give me a bite of that? I'm starvin'.
bitestarvin
↓
ae30ba02-89ac-4e3b-803b-844454c3cdc5.gif
Charlie, I'm really sorry that I banged your girlfriend.
bangedcharliegirlfriend
↓
48bb9bf7-ef2e-4ed0-93df-7ec762ef824b.gif
Bro, you gotta stop talkin' about that, dude.
talkin
↓
b32f94d5-b9e4-40c6-b59b-e0653126a923.gif
I'm also sorry that I didn't get the blood test. But I know.
bloodblood-testtest
↓
f903b886-e95c-430e-bcd6-125e94643baa.gif
I'm a hundred percent positive that I am not your dad.
hundredhundred-percentpercentpositive
↓
606c3fe0-1834-4aa0-90c6-f904fd2e4e0e.gif
Dude, how can you be a hundred percent positive, dude?
hundredhundred-percentpercentpositive
↓
ded2873b-2186-40f1-a634-da901d96aab0.gif
(sighs) Your mother and I were gonna keep this a secret, but...
mothersecretsighs
↓
f3d9938e-c242-4931-846a-bd1de8a050c7.gif
After we made love, she did get pregnant,
lovepregnant
↓
49da1553-0a06-4ea8-ae0e-529ecbd49732.gif
but she had an abortion.
abortion
↓
30442466-2efa-4d78-b4ba-2c5d9fdc10eb.gif
- Really? - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
↓
d934dea2-2b05-4e98-a5f5-fa39ab18065a.gif
You sure she went through with it? 'Cause maybe she didn't tell you.
↓
93aa184d-8397-4c55-87d6-93eefcd4f180.gif
I mean, she probably went right from the clinic
clinic
↓
405d9793-3cfb-4d3c-a716-6cc03466c4e9.gif
and banged some guy and got knocked up,
bangedknocked
↓
60222fae-11ed-48cc-adfc-66647422dd84.gif
because your mother was a giant whore.
giantmotherwhore
↓
e3854e22-4d9a-43fe-85f4-29cdd62b4425.gif
You know what, dude? I don't believe you, Frank.
believefrank
↓
9f14ffa7-c150-4b03-badb-39b1f6c3faad.gif
- It's hard to take. - Oh, my God. You're a liar.
hardliar
↓
cf911273-4837-4810-823e-c86b22213248.gif
#Girl, you gotta love your man#
girllove
↓
1620e51a-7301-4a81-9555-d8ca20bab156.gif
- Where are you goin', Charlie? - To find out the truth!
charliegointruth
↓
77a7789a-da17-470f-afc2-0b1329a8247e.gif
Charlie!
charlie
↓
12410d75-4a1a-4b0e-b91e-b503bc954396.gif
#Make him understand
↓
971ee77a-98a9-4982-8530-855cd4aafdb7.gif
#Yeah#
↓
f2f58b29-0ae6-49b7-9742-35d559998ea5.gif
(sobs)
sobs
↓
8472dcc6-4ed0-41da-b31c-c17e3586fd5d.gif
- Frank doesn't know the truth. - I knew it.
franktruth
↓
0e2de93f-9e9d-4ce4-9556-05ab9a1b1403.gif
You didn't have an abortion, you just told him you did.
abortion
↓
94528013-1fd8-41cd-a15b-70561cdb72ff.gif
- I get that. - No.
↓
cfe41b0b-4538-47f4-a406-6b61335de52d.gif
I had an abortion. It just didn't take.
abortion
↓
e0a7d16e-f43a-4f7c-ae16-003043784710.gif
- Wha... What does that mean? - It means, you survived it.
survived
↓
ef114193-aaa6-43a3-a61b-5c10b1d57f49.gif
- You survived the abortion. - What the hell?
abortionsurvived
↓
9ab3b882-15c2-4264-8664-e323400cad51.gif
What the hell are you talking about, Mom?
↓
488bbd71-6a0e-4fe0-a9db-ecb7ba9ad85d.gif
We went to one of those clinics, one of those underground clinics,
clinicsunderground
↓
87505dac-4489-4d6c-80ce-55fe0acce029.gif
because Frank didn't want to spend a lot of money.
frankmoneyspend
↓
a213fb0d-c15b-43fd-9b8d-3aebd1f63b8d.gif
I had the procedure, and then they told me you were dead.
deadprocedure
↓
07966f70-db4a-4e86-b28e-9098f626dace.gif
Okay.
↓
8f7bee84-2cd8-4a95-a5b0-bd5a6b618979.gif
Three months later, you popped out, happy as a clam! (chuckles)
chucklesclamhappymonthspoppedthreethree-months
↓
78ed4be0-f5c3-4d0e-9136-40039b0d6930.gif
Sweetie, I had to keep it a secret from Frank.
franksecretsweetie
↓
98147982-3586-4220-baa4-477dae8f9d23.gif
I never wanted the abortion in the first place.
abortionplacewanted
↓
a5bf187d-c76e-489f-ad5a-ab9c76384bed.gif
But he was married, and I knew, if he found out,
foundmarried
↓
d657eac9-14be-403f-a6a5-9e3d784ebf97.gif
he would have forced me to get rid of you once and for all.
forced
↓
0cfd486e-36ee-4087-81b8-22125ad64cad.gif
He would have made me throw you in a Dumpster.
dumpsterthrow
↓
4e06b41b-f015-4383-b616-e0f1ca44feea.gif
(thunderclap)
thunderclap
↓
2d2601f8-7cde-4128-a452-0598864f5df0.gif
(slowly) Oh, my... God.
slowly
↓
d0202b60-2eca-46f5-b7d5-9bc94734aa02.gif
(thunderclap)
thunderclap
↓
a3f78d69-c1d3-4adf-9801-69bcdb7c3962.gif
MAC: Nope. His skin needs to be darker, Dee.
darkerneedsnopeskin
↓
3dd4a4aa-66fd-47e6-85f2-62623d550141.gif
Yeah, I know. We're just gonna paint this bronzing lotion on him.
lotionpaint
↓
31ccef27-5770-44e8-8e3f-7963515b2df5.gif
- Shoe polish. - Shoe polish?
polishshoeshoe-polish
↓
3bdff60e-b3cd-4281-b42f-24546377a29b.gif
Shoe polish on a baby?
babypolishshoeshoe-polish
↓
2506e9fb-b5b4-46e3-a6b1-675b3b0e0180.gif
You're such an idiot. That's gonna look stupid.
idiotstupid
↓
fdff0533-7be6-4f80-a9f8-bf5035ef5c8d.gif
- And smell like shit. - We'll see.
smell
↓
ec14d1ad-57d4-4d37-a8fe-3bbef70b74f3.gif
- Where's D.B.? - My door's open!
doorsdoors-openopen
↓
15f315de-7e0b-4cdf-a612-4ff9e63776c4.gif
- Did he get kidnapped? - Somebody came in and took him?
kidnappedsomebody
↓
09a0efae-24b3-4c67-9c7b-37dde2103538.gif
There's a note. There's a note!
note
↓
ade2ecda-bcfa-45b2-8909-9336536f6d54.gif
"'Taked' baby. Meet at later bar, night or day sometime."
babymeetnightsometime
↓
42c5b4ae-2fa4-4fec-a743-5b2296ae336f.gif
(together) Charlie.
charlie
↓
d0e8dc62-f9db-403b-a9ba-f3371f108ee6.gif
Feast your eyes on this!
eyesfeast
↓
95c8f3bc-4817-45eb-b6e3-03d4a325709f.gif
Oh, my God, Charlie. Where did you get a baby?
babycharlie
↓
8fadda92-f4ee-4e01-b6fd-87e327649f84.gif
I think you know good and well where I got this baby, don't you?
baby
↓
7f458e64-b50a-4a67-91d0-03980a8da899.gif
- What are you talking about? - I'm talkin' about you and Frank
franktalkin
↓
5752e85e-f107-435e-9529-0e167daaa89c.gif
throwin' your love child here in the Dumpster behind Paddy's Pub!
behindchilddumpsterlovepaddysthrowin
↓
1757151d-425c-4d41-9708-af343b84f6d9.gif
Did you think I wouldn't find out? Well, I did. Yeah. Yeah!
↓
e5c37722-9190-408b-8b25-f27986f4c453.gif
What you might not know, though, is that this little baby of yours
babymight
↓
36e15499-2e46-4057-9037-0de227583dc7.gif
also happens to be my half-brother.
brotherhalfhappens
↓
6e9746cc-1894-4966-a7db-b4fa7e1e65f7.gif
Charlie, the incident with Frank happened three months ago.
charliefrankhappenedincidentmonthsthreethree-months
↓
81458e89-7383-4aa2-a7cf-66cab7b8c1b2.gif
It takes nine months to make a baby.
babymonthsninenine-monthstakes
↓
682f581a-6648-4498-9b83-9b257980980d.gif
You can just give me the baby and stop screaming.
babyscreaming
↓
20444412-e407-4801-bab7-e0a5e5069cd5.gif
There was a time where I would've helped you
helpedwouldve
↓
21983048-ae1c-484d-b4c4-fc2aa2c67501.gif
raise this little Dumpster baby brother of mine like a son.
babybaby-brotherbrotherdumpsterdumpster-babyraise
↓
365460e2-79bc-40b7-af25-aa1c63a94f9c.gif
But that's gone now, 'cause you ruined it!
goneruined
↓
8039f63f-9d3b-4e42-a2af-755264ff24d4.gif
You threw your babies away! And you threw your swords away!
babiesswordsthrew
↓
54096554-56ca-4374-ae8c-488c9b045502.gif
You threw your golf clubs and your tasty treats!
clubsgolfgolf-clubstastytasty-treatsthrewtreats
↓
75a1f5a3-e82d-4293-b574-c8df333db207.gif
And you know what? I found them. And I'm gonna raise all of 'em!
foundraise
↓
8d339029-fa42-4501-bf87-d7f984d3d3e2.gif
Get me the number for Child Services.
childnumberservices
↓
de23c13d-dfed-4b11-8702-89ce93c66b6e.gif
Hey, Sage, buddy. How are you, man?
buddysage
↓
7147517b-cb83-47db-9de9-55a0512295d0.gif
- How are you feelin'? - I did it. I-I saved the tree.
feelinsavedtree
↓
2129e22f-b974-47dc-aab0-4a19ed004de1.gif
You sure did, man. You saved that tree. Wow.
savedtree
↓
f44168e2-1e75-43d6-83c2-41f3330977ed.gif
I gotta say, man, I'm really impressed.
impressed
↓
6d799779-8301-4a27-8a58-7c6fbac5ff2b.gif
I don't think I could've done what you did here today.
couldvetoday
↓
7c398dba-e896-410d-bd4f-153aed3caec6.gif
- Guh, I'm a hero. - You are. You're a hero.
hero
↓
028d7304-47ca-4102-b440-0658714af2f3.gif
Come here. Come here. Come with me.
↓
6f0eebed-1108-4f6f-80ba-ca3b116c1392.gif
Man, it is a good day to be alive. A good day to be alive, isn't it?
alive
↓
d1e263b5-aae5-454e-8210-4081ac4dd878.gif
Okay, guys. She's all yours.
↓
0da06b7d-9c22-4666-a9b2-5e09f8a9825d.gif
You might wanna see this.
might
↓
f4da644a-2b9c-45ac-b01c-f1d0f95ed5bc.gif
(horn honks)
honkshornhorn-honks
↓
ae2beac0-fbd8-40dd-b1ff-60d4bd27fba6.gif
(crashing, splintering)
crashing
↓
21ed3711-0581-4028-b31d-768887b61b18.gif
I banged your girlfriend.
bangedgirlfriend
↓
8ecf3aa9-689e-41c8-8b0c-e25440d20ede.gif
What time did he say he was gonna meet us?
meet
↓
dabef387-5f49-45aa-bfa9-621c739c327c.gif
"Later bar, night or day sometime."
nightsometime
↓
c42bd4f5-e0a9-42d5-9c2d-9506ab806ba2.gif
- What does that mean? - I don't know.
↓
14567228-46f2-4b91-a17d-dafc5e6be6fa.gif
Hey, any of you guys seen that Ali Baba sword Charlie had?
babacharlieseensword
↓
a350f99b-e584-4f56-811f-3d8e7ec5217a.gif
- What? - The little shit
↓
e963b60b-cf75-42fb-be50-2acca2fc75e7.gif
dumped me in a Dumpster last night, and I'm takin' all his stuff.
dumpeddumpsternightstufftakin
↓
34782f06-dd1f-401b-a554-ad6b071f0231.gif
It's every man for himself. I gotta find that Ali Baba sword.
babasword
↓
82f93ca8-dec0-47e8-9510-b01761043c93.gif
Pour me a shot there, Dee. I am the man.
pourshot
↓
49f77771-ad5a-43b3-9701-a65dcbfd4c40.gif
Why are you so chipper?
↓
ec42f947-7a6d-4e03-b829-0f5d7c7c03c0.gif
Well, I got punked out by this peace activist.
activistpeace
↓
449011c9-514a-49a6-b607-9372e875ad16.gif
So what I did is, I infiltrated his organization.
infiltratedorganization
↓
351d5bcd-8089-4c04-99a8-5cd87cee0099.gif
- I banged his girlfriend... - Hey, Frank!
bangedfrankgirlfriend
↓
18f3cab2-d88a-4286-8a88-2e5cf631d3ff.gif
You recognize this young man right here?
recognizeyoung
↓
9f479b1f-1609-48d5-b512-edbdc4b64de4.gif
Or should I say, "Hey, Dad"? Yeah. That's right, everybody.
everybody
↓
049ecdc8-899c-49ff-91c4-7a2f901f6242.gif
Who would like to hear a mind-blowing story?
blowingmindstory
↓
b1c96302-75d8-4e4d-9dae-957116be5981.gif
Nobody. Give us back our baby so we can paint it.
babynobodypaint
↓
59ff8292-5afe-44be-abdb-3b4ebd14beda.gif
Oh, you're gonna paint it, huh? Well, be careful painting it,
carefulpaintpainting
↓
9eabdbb5-dfcb-4483-941d-3c1aa61ca28b.gif
'cause you'll be painting my brother.
brotherpainting
↓
f600517b-2510-4ae9-8301-96beed23d936.gif
But I guess you already knew that, didn't you, Dad?
↓
e109275c-58f4-4547-a8ff-80cc49925fc8.gif
What the hell are you talkin' about, Charlie?
charlietalkin
↓
8f34c460-d15b-4600-a00a-095785149091.gif
Talkin' about you and the waitress dumpin' your baby in a Dumpster!
babydumpstertalkinwaitress
↓
1cb8ea8e-abb4-4b37-9308-e32217a611bf.gif
And the abortion that you tried to make my mom have?
abortiontried
↓
418f6377-8540-411d-8398-b6ca9499685b.gif
Well, guess what, Frankie. It didn't take.
frankie
↓
e55ae6db-898d-4a97-932b-575f1b9893e9.gif
I'm an abortion survivor, Dad! I survived the abortion, Dad!
abortionsurvivedsurvivor
↓
b6e71574-7e1f-4d5a-b51a-8059c5a2620e.gif
First of all, it takes nine months to have a baby.
babymonthsninenine-monthstakes
↓
09a5cf8f-84db-4305-8a23-aadad1e90a11.gif
That is not my baby.
baby
↓
8b9efd0f-ea99-401d-b92f-b2d6a11e4776.gif
Second of all, your mother is feedin' you a line of crap!
linemothersecond
↓
0f3ea16b-fe44-4101-a3cb-c49339629a25.gif
Holy shit. You guys kept the Ali Baba sword?
babaholysword
↓
cbadb3bb-03a2-496f-81a0-f81dba053104.gif
Gimme the sword! That's the sword I want.
sword
↓
dd6885bc-46cf-45d4-8d08-aa3339bb7787.gif
Back off, man. (others arguing, chattering)
arguingchatteringothers
↓
32a4f987-2566-48b0-b7fe-1a7a79220f9e.gif
- It's my sword anyway! - Stop grabbin' it!
sword
↓
1b8e8d02-7c31-49d3-80fd-664babd4f656.gif
(arguing, chattering continue) What are you guys doing?
arguingchatteringcontinue
↓
e4c1b811-88ea-4539-8f4c-17dcf658a373.gif
(crying)
crying