Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S05E01 — The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 5, Episode 1 — The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis

[Dennis] Stop it. [Charlie] All right. You're getting hung up on "can't."

#1

⇓

And I'm not saying that you can't. I'm saying that it is illegal.

#2

⇓

No, it is not illegal! Dude.

#3

⇓

Says the guy who knows nothing about the law!

#4

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I can absolutely keep a hummingbird as a pet, bro.

#5

⇓

It's no different than having a parrot, or a parakeet. It's a bird, bro.

#6

⇓

You really can't, and I'm not saying I agree with it.

#7

⇓

It's just that bird law in this country- it's not governed by reason.

#8

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There is no such thing as bird law. Yes, there is!

#9

⇓

I'm gonna get a hummingbird, and I'll show you. You guys, I have huge news.

#10

⇓

Hummingbirds are illegal tender. I'm gonna get one.

#11

⇓

You cannot. To spite you, I'm gonna get one.

#12

⇓

Hello? Where are we with gulls?

#13

⇓

You guys! You can keep a gull as a pet.

#14

⇓

But you do not want to live with a seabird, 'cause the noise level alone on those things...

#15

⇓

Have you ever heard a gull up close? It's gonna blast your eardrums out, dude.

#16

⇓

You guys, I'm serious! I have huge news here!

#17

⇓

The principle is that you can have any bird that- Yo!

#18

⇓

I got great news, guys. Frank's got news?

#19

⇓

Frank's got news? [Chanting] News, news, news, news!

#20

⇓

News, news, news, news, news, news, news, news!

#21

⇓

I just bought a house at a foreclosure auction.

#22

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Holy shit! That's amazing.

#23

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Oh, is it? Is it "amazing"?

#24

⇓

- Now hang on. You're not moving out, are you? - No, no, no, no.

#25

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I bought this as an investment. I bought it on the cheap.

#26

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Ah, you might've missed the boat on that, Frank. Not the best time to invest.

#27

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I beg to differ with you.

#28

⇓

Now is the time to invest because all the prices are low.

#29

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As soon as the market turns around, I'm gonna make a boatload.

#30

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Frank's talking about flipping the house. Flip the house!

#31

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Making some money! That's exciting.

#32

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I'm having a baby!

#33

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Do yourself a favor and flush it out.

#34

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No. That's not- "Flush it out"?

#35

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No. I'm not pregnant. I...

#36

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I answered an ad for a couple who wants a surrogate.

#37

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See, people who can't have kids are willing to pay a shitload of money to people like myself,

#38

⇓

who can carry it for them.

#39

⇓

Wait. What's going on? You're carrying someone's baby somewhere?

#40

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H-Hold it. I am not spending money on another little bastard.

#41

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- I did that already, twice. - Come on.

#42

⇓

No. They're keeping the baby. It's their baby. How are you guys not understanding this?

#43

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Uh, Dee, before you continue this babbling,

#44

⇓

does your thing involve us in any way,

#45

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or are you just kind of- at us?

#46

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Well, no. It's just that's huge news, so I figured you guys might want to know.

#47

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It doesn't matter. Let's just talk about the house! Let's talk about the house!

#48

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Hold on one second. Actually, Dee being pregnant is pretty big news.

#49

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Now, we could take the house idea and the baby idea and merge the two things.

#50

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It just feels muddy though. Let's just stick with one. It's cleaner, right?

#51

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- It could be an interesting- - House.

#52

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But I'm just saying that if- House.

#53

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I don't know exactly how we would take the two ideas and put them together.

#54

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House! But I think if we came up with something...

#55

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[Chanting] House! House! House!

#56

⇓

Just the house thing? House! House! House! House!

#57

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House, house, house, house, house, house, house, house, house, house!

#58

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Flush, flush, flush!

#59

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Deandra? Thank you so much for responding to our ad in the paper.

#60

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You're welcome. We've had so many letdowns going through the agency.

#61

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Yeah. We thought we'd just try to find a surrogate by ourselves.

#62

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I just feel really honored to be able to provide a service for a lovely couple like yourselves.

#63

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Good. Thank you. Yeah.

#64

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We just had a couple questions we'd like to ask you. Shoot.

#65

⇓

Honey, why don't you- Okay. So- Sorry.

#66

⇓

But do you have any history with drugs or alcohol?

#67

⇓

Never. Neither. That's great.

#68

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Um, any- any family history of mental illness?

#69

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Uh, well, my brother's a dick, if that counts.

#70

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I don't- I don't think so.

#71

⇓

It's just a joke though, Sean. So, the next one?

#72

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And- And- Okay. So what about your medical history?

#73

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Is there any health problems we should know about?

#74

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Kate, I'm gonna be honest with you.

#75

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I have never had a health problem in my entire life.

#76

⇓

Wow.

#77

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Clean as a whistle. That's amazing.

#78

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- Down here, up here, wherever. - This is all great news. I mean...

#79

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Isn't it? Yes, it really is.

#80

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Okay, great. So let's talk turkey. And by that, I mean money.

#81

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Oh. We just thought we'd pay the standard rate of $20,000.

#82

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20,000. Okay. Yeah.

#83

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I like the sound of that. I'm gonna throw something at you guys, so brace yourselves.

#84

⇓

What are your thoughts on doubling down, so to speak,

#85

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and going for twins?

#86

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[Chuckles] Right?

#87

⇓

No. No.

#88

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If it's a matter of price, I'm willing to cut you a deal on the second one.

#89

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And we don't have to stop at two.

#90

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I've typed up a price sheet I would like the two of you to peruse.

#91

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If you'll look down around number four or five,

#92

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that's when you really start to see some savings.

#93

⇓

You guys want to go for an Octomom thing? Huh? I'm game.

#94

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You want to have 10? You want to outdo that bitch?

#95

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I'll have that conversation. I'm kidding.

#96

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I don't want 10 people inside of me.

#97

⇓

But- This is great.

#98

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I-I just- I think we're really just gonna do the one,

#99

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I think is- is what we want.

#100

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One baby.

#101

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Look for shit on the walls, 'cause that's what they do.

#102

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When they know they're getting thrown out of a house, they smear feces all over the walls.

#103

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Really? Yes.

#104

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They didn't do that here. This is a pretty nice house. A little lived in maybe.

#105

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Well, you know, I found something cooking on the stove. That's pretty "unresponsible."

#106

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Mac and cheese. I can't believe they left all this stuff in the house.

#107

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I mean, what's the deal? Do we have to burn it?

#108

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- Hey, get the hell out of our house! - Jesus. There's people here!

#109

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- Squatters! - We're not squatters! This is our house!

#110

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What do you mean your house? I bought this house! We own this house!

#111

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You didn't buy it from us! You bought it from the bank. We didn't sell it.

#112

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Oh, look, bitch! We bought it from them because they foreclosed on your bitch ass!

#113

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Yeah, yeah. You got proof? Proof? What are you talking about, proof?

#114

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A deed, paperwork. Go get your proof. Proof.

#115

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Bring it back here. We'll look at the paperwork. Is that what you want?

#116

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You want proof? I'll give you proof! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

#117

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Frank, take it easy, bud. Take it- You gotta use your head now.

#118

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Think about the law. All right?

#119

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What happens if you accidentally hit a child with an umbrella?

#120

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In the eyes of the law, that is child abuse. What happens then?

#121

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In the eyes of the law, you have to give your properties to the parents of that child.

#122

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I'm sorry, little kid. He doesn't know the law that well.

#123

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I don't even know what the hell he's talking about. It doesn't matter.

#124

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We shouldn't bash these people up. No. No!

#125

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Of course we shouldn't bash these people up! Look- Okay.

#126

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Absolutely, we could cave the husband's skull in here.

#127

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Yes, we could take the wife down to the basement, have a frenzied free-for-all with her.

#128

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We could tie the kids up in their rooms so they wouldn't hear any of it.

#129

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Dennis, in that scenario, we'd have to kill the kids 'cause they would've seen our faces.

#130

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Right. We could smear the walls with their blood.

#131

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Guys, there are any number of twisted scenarios that could play out here.

#132

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But I think the easiest thing, really, is to just go get the deed.

#133

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Right. Why get weird?

#134

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Let's just keep it simple. For now, we take the high road.

#135

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We'll take the high road. Take the high road out of here.

#136

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Oh, well, I'm so glad we're gonna get to work with you, Deandra.

#137

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Oh, Kate, Sean, I tell you what. You guys are getting one hell of a uterus.

#138

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Great. Okay. Well, listen. It was really nice to meet you.

#139

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Wow! This house really opens up here, doesn't it?

#140

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Uh- From the curb, it doesn't really look like much.

#141

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But once you get inside, it's got a real ass on it.

#142

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Well, thank you. It's always felt a little empty without a family.

#143

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Oh, shit! Is that a pool?

#144

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Uh, yeah. Of course, when the baby comes, we'll have a fence around it.

#145

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Right, right, right. How deep?

#146

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The pool? Yeah, the pool!

#147

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- Uh, eight feet. - Oh, man.

#148

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You guys jackknife off this diving board all the time or what?

#149

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Oh, I used to be so good at those. You mind if I get in?

#150

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Um- Yeah, we- we have a lot of stuff to do today.

#151

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So- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

#152

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No, errands are very important, but really, the most important thing right now...

#153

⇓

is for me to stay relaxed, if you don't want my tubes to get all tensed up.

#154

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So, you want to go grab a swimsuit for me to borrow,

#155

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or should I just jump in in my birthday gear?

#156

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No. Don't do that. We'll- Honey, do we have a suit that she can borrow?

#157

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Sure. I'll go get you that suit.

#158

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[Sean] Okay. Good girl.

#159

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All right, Charlie. We are gonna be gentlemen. Yup.

#160

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We have the law on our side. We just show them the deed. Mm-hmm.

#161

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And then they vacate the premises. Mm-hmm.

#162

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And that's it. No reason to be animals about it. And they changed the locks.

#163

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Yes, they did. You were right, Frank! They changed the locks, bud.

#164

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I'm telling you, these people, they're uncivilized deadbeats.

#165

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Let's smash the door down. All right, ready? Here we go.

#166

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[Together] And a-one, and a-two, and a-three...

#167

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[Shouting]

#168

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- [Groans] - [Charlie] Oh, that- that was a bummer.

#169

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Man. I gotta admit, that's, uh...

#170

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That felt very unsatisfying to me.

#171

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- [Frank] Yeah, I didn't like that. - Should you guys, um...

#172

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No. Try smashing it from the inside?

#173

⇓

- Let's just give it another shot. And- - [Charlie] Oh!

#174

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- [Charlie] Give it another one. - Kick it.

#175

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- Nice, dude! - My door!

#176

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My door, deadbeat! My door!

#177

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And what's this shyster lawyer doing here?

#178

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Well, it is just so nice to see you again, Mr. Reynolds.

#179

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I see that you're still just... horrible.

#180

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Yes, you're horrible too. And I hate your tie. Hey. All right.

#181

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You know what? This family behind me- Yeah.

#182

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Has 90 days to vacate. Deadbeats.

#183

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Until then, you can't touch them. That's bull bird, man.

#184

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What do you got there? Let me handle this, Frank. It's not bull bird.

#185

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I'll tell you that right now. He's making a few good points.

#186

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Look, buddy. Crap.

#187

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I know a lot about the law and various other lawyerings.

#188

⇓

I'm well educated, well versed.

#189

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I know that situations like this, real-estate wise, they're very complex.

#190

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Actually, they're pretty simple.

#191

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The forms are all standard boilerplate.

#192

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Okay. We're all hungry. We're gonna get to our hot plates soon enough.

#193

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All right? Well, let's talk about the contract here...

#194

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I'm sorry. I forgot. Where did you go to law school again?

#195

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Uh, well, I could ask you that very same question. I went to Harvard.

#196

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Ah. Mm-hmm. How 'bout you?

#197

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Where? Yeah? Hmm? I'm pleading the Fifth, sir.

#198

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I'd advise that you do that.

#199

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I'll take that advice into cooperation. All right?

#200

⇓

Let's say you and I go toe-to-toe on bird law and see who comes out the victor.

#201

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You know, I don't think I'm gonna do anything close to that,

#202

⇓

and I can see clearly you know nothing about the law.

#203

⇓

It seems like you have a tenuous grasp on the English language in general.

#204

⇓

Okay. Well- Filibuster.

#205

⇓

Uh- Do you- Do you know what that word means?

#206

⇓

Yup! Yeah, what's that mean?

#207

⇓

[Sighs]

#208

⇓

- [Screams] - [Door Shattering]

#209

⇓

I-I'm gonna- We're gonna- [Groans]

#210

⇓

[Frank] No, no, no. Now I'm all churned up about this.

#211

⇓

I can't wait 90 days to get rid of those people.

#212

⇓

I mean, I gotta sell that house.

#213

⇓

Frank, don't be rash. It's just 90 days.

#214

⇓

No. In 90 days, there's gonna be shit all over those walls.

#215

⇓

[Scoffs] Those people are gonna trash that house.

#216

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We won't be able to get a dime for it.

#217

⇓

I am calling a Realtor right now.

#218

⇓

Oh, wait, Frank. Hold on a second. [Phone Beeps]

#219

⇓

Maybe we could sell the house ourselves, you know? Save the five percent.

#220

⇓

What do Realtors do anyway? They pop on a blazer.

#221

⇓

They walk people through a house. We can do that.

#222

⇓

Mac, the real estate business is something that takes a lot of style and a lot of finesse,

#223

⇓

and that's something that the two of us both have in spades.

#224

⇓

Absolutely. I'm thinking we do like a classic good Realtor-bad Realtor dynamic.

#225

⇓

Oh, shit. I'm the good, you're the bad?

#226

⇓

You're the sweet to my sour. The honey to your vinegar?

#227

⇓

That's good, dude!

#228

⇓

- Honey and Vinegar Realty. - I like that.

#229

⇓

I like the Honey and Vinegar. I like what I'm hearing, boys.

#230

⇓

Okay! I knew that guy was full of shit! I knew it!

#231

⇓

What guy? That lawyer guy. Okay?

#232

⇓

He totally besmirched me today, and I demand satisfaction from him.

#233

⇓

You want him to bang you? Uh...

#234

⇓

No, Mac. Be serious, okay?

#235

⇓

He slandered me in front of a jury of my own peers. All right?

#236

⇓

Look what they used to do when that sort of thing happened. Take a look at this picture.

#237

⇓

- What do you see? - I see two trannies shooting at each other.

#238

⇓

No, dude. They're dueling, okay?

#239

⇓

These are lawyers settling an argument by dueling it out.

#240

⇓

Now, how do you know that the two trannies are lawyers?

#241

⇓

'Cause it's an old book, okay?

#242

⇓

I don't have to explain everything to you about what I know!

#243

⇓

I'm trying to get satisfied from this dude, and you're trying to...

#244

⇓

I'm getting satisfied. I don't care.

#245

⇓

- What are you doing, Deandra? - Collecting the money you bitches owe me.

#246

⇓

I'm going on maternity leave.

#247

⇓

What are you jabbering about now?

#248

⇓

I got a sweet setup going on as a surrogate for a couple of rich yuppies.

#249

⇓

They have a huge house, kick-ass pool.

#250

⇓

I'm living the high life. So suck on that, white stains.

#251

⇓

Oh, dude!

#252

⇓

I knew we should've done the baby thing. Now there's a pool involved?

#253

⇓

When was the last time you swam in a pool? I want to swim in the pool!

#254

⇓

- It's been like forever since I swam in a pool. - No, no! Now, let's focus here.

#255

⇓

We gotta sell this house.

#256

⇓

And then we can go swim in Deandra's pool.

#257

⇓

Hey, Vic. You got that other snack tray?

#258

⇓

I certainly do, Hugh. Certainly do. Okay, great.

#259

⇓

People are gonna be here any second. I want them to be well fed.

#260

⇓

The house looks nice. The house looks nice. It does look nice.

#261

⇓

Hey, hey, hey!

#262

⇓

You jerks aren't supposed to be here when my mom and dad are at work!

#263

⇓

Your mom and dad aren't at work. That's why they lost the house.

#264

⇓

They're probably at the dog track getting wasted. Dude, eat my boogers.

#265

⇓

You eat my boogers! Whoa, whoa! Hey, Vic, Vic. Whoa.

#266

⇓

Smell that vinegar boiling up inside you.

#267

⇓

But I need you to save some of it for the customer.

#268

⇓

Do that for me, okay, baby boy?

#269

⇓

What the hell's going on out here?

#270

⇓

- Frank, can you get these kids out of here? - Yeah. Come on.

#271

⇓

We're gonna go paint your room a color that's not stupid.

#272

⇓

Then we're gonna throw your toys in the trash!

#273

⇓

Listen, I need you on my team. You on my team?

#274

⇓

Yeah. I'm- I'm on your team. All right, great. Yeah?

#275

⇓

Yeah. I just- He gets me- That's good.

#276

⇓

[Knocking] Oh! Here we go.

#277

⇓

- Hi! How are ya? - How you doing? We're here to look at the house.

#278

⇓

Of course. Yeah, come on in. Hi. I'm Hugh Honey. How you doing?

#279

⇓

Good. This is my associate, Vic Vinegar. Hi. Tad.

#280

⇓

And we are here to show you this house.

#281

⇓

Okay. Oh! Good.

#282

⇓

Okay. [Chuckles] Come on in. Great.

#283

⇓

Hi. Okay.

#284

⇓

Good. All right. This is the living room. Okay! Wonderful.

#285

⇓

Now, what do you folks think? It's a beautiful house, right?

#286

⇓

Well, you know, I'm thinking this might be a bit large for what we need.

#287

⇓

- Oh, I'm sorry, buddy. Is this house too big for you? - Now, Vic.

#288

⇓

Just a second, Hugh. Why don't you ask your wife what she needs, pal?

#289

⇓

Oh, I'm sorry. Is she used to something smaller, and you don't think she can handle it?

#290

⇓

Okay, I think we're gonna get going. It's okay, you guys. I'm here.

#291

⇓

I want this to be a good experience for you. Okay? I'll tell you what, buddy.

#292

⇓

How 'bout I take your wife upstairs and show her what it's like...

#293

⇓

to be deep inside a really big house?

#294

⇓

What? What?

#295

⇓

What?

#296

⇓

Uh, you'll have to excuse my associate.

#297

⇓

It's just his passion for quality real estate that makes him so intense.

#298

⇓

Now, what can we do to put you in this house?

#299

⇓

I think we're just gonna go now. Yeah.

#300

⇓

Are you gonna buy the house? [Woman] We're gonna go.

#301

⇓

Are you going to buy this house? We don't want any trouble.

#302

⇓

Are you going to buy this house? I don't know! I don't know!

#303

⇓

Are you going to buy this house? Yes! Yes!

#304

⇓

"Yes" what? Yes, I will buy this house!

#305

⇓

That's it. There we go. That's all I wanted to hear. Congratulations, folks.

#306

⇓

You just bought a brand-new house.

#307

⇓

Can we go? Yeah!

#308

⇓

Go, honey. Go. Congratulations.

#309

⇓

I'm going! Just go!

#310

⇓

All right. We'll be in touch. Oh! That was amazing, bro!

#311

⇓

You think that's gonna work? Bro, it already did work. You heard the skirt.

#312

⇓

She said, "Yes, I will buy this house." That is a binding verbal contract.

#313

⇓

Now, I heard it. You heard it. And that pussy husband of hers heard it too.

#314

⇓

If they back out now, I will find them, I will strangle them, I will beat them into oblivion!

#315

⇓

Wow! Wow! I'm full of the vinegar.

#316

⇓

- Oh. Yeah! - Hey. How'd it go?

#317

⇓

Sold it! Sold the house.

#318

⇓

Sold it? Fantastic!

#319

⇓

Let's get another house, flip it over, make some cash.

#320

⇓

It's not really the cash that I care about anymore.

#321

⇓

It's the thrill of the sale that I'm responding to.

#322

⇓

- You're driven by the thrill of the sale. - You know what I'm thinking?

#323

⇓

Maybe it's time to merge the two ideas after all.

#324

⇓

- Baby in the house? - Baby in the house.

#325

⇓

[Chuckling] Honey and Vinegar?

#326

⇓

Okay. Jesus Christ. All right. I'll get on it.

#327

⇓

Mmm.

#328

⇓

Well, well, well, well, well!

#329

⇓

If it isn't the big-time, hotshot lawyer man.

#330

⇓

Oh, my God. I do not have time for you.

#331

⇓

Yeah, so we both have busy schedules, so I'll make this quick.

#332

⇓

I shan't mince words with you for long.

#333

⇓

I am challenging you, sir, to a duel.

#334

⇓

- I accept. - Uh...

#335

⇓

[Pen Tapping On Desk] [Chuckles] Are you serious?

#336

⇓

Yeah. I accept your challenge.

#337

⇓

Do you want time to think it over? No!

#338

⇓

No. No, not at all. Um, what time were you thinking of dueling?

#339

⇓

[Exhales] Any time is good, really. I don't have...

#340

⇓

You don't have time 'cause you would have to go out and get a proper gun.

#341

⇓

Oh. No, no, no.

#342

⇓

I have a gun. I actually keep one right here in the drawer.

#343

⇓

You got one right there? I don't need to see it.

#344

⇓

I like to keep it loaded because you never know who's gonna walk into a law office these days.

#345

⇓

[Laughing] Safety first.

#346

⇓

- Right. - So let's rethink some things.

#347

⇓

[Clears Throat]

#348

⇓

Let's say that you've learned your lesson now,

#349

⇓

and I've learned a little lesson.

#350

⇓

Hmm. And we'll call it even,

#351

⇓

and I will respectfully decline the duel.

#352

⇓

- Well, you can't decline. - Eh?

#353

⇓

As you know, once the duel's been accepted, you know, there's no backing out.

#354

⇓

I mean, that's the law. Yup.

#355

⇓

Anyway, great! This is settled.

#356

⇓

And I was looking for something to do tomorrow afternoon anyway.

#357

⇓

So I'm gonna pencil you in for high noon tomorrow. Don't do it.

#358

⇓

- Don't do it. - And, uh, don't worry...

#359

⇓

'cause, um, wherever you are, I'll find you.

#360

⇓

- Yeah. - I'm gonna put one right between your teeth.

#361

⇓

And it's just gonna pop out the back of your neck. [Clicks Tongue]

#362

⇓

Hey, Deandra? Can we talk to you for a sec?

#363

⇓

Hey, you guys. Watch me bust out this sweet jackknife.

#364

⇓

- Oh! Whoa! - [Gasps, Coughing]

#365

⇓

- [Laughing] You guys! - Are you okay?

#366

⇓

- Oh, I biffed that one, huh? - You "biffed" it?

#367

⇓

Whoo! Thank God there wasn't a baby in there, huh?

#368

⇓

Could you get me a refill on that, guy? What is this?

#369

⇓

Piña colada. Been crushing them. They're great in the heat.

#370

⇓

Ah. I don't think you should be drinking and swimming.

#371

⇓

- No. - Dingdong! Hello.

#372

⇓

[Dee] Goddamn it. Hello!

#373

⇓

- Hi. - No, no, no, no, no.

#374

⇓

We're looking for Deandra Reynolds. Oh, there she is.

#375

⇓

Wait, wait. Don't do that. We're the wealthy homosexual couple she promised her womb to.

#376

⇓

Indeed, we are. I'm Hugh Honey, and this is my partner, Vic Vinegar.

#377

⇓

We're partners in real estate, and we're partners in life.

#378

⇓

[Dee Laughing] Oh, hi!

#379

⇓

Oh, hey! Oh, you guys!

#380

⇓

How are you doing, sweetie? Oh, excuse us for just one second.

#381

⇓

Oh, boy. It's good to see you.

#382

⇓

What the hell are you guys doing here? Do not ruin this for me!

#383

⇓

Dee, relax. Okay? We're gonna start a bidding war, drive up the price of your womb.

#384

⇓

Why would I want you to drive up the price of my womb?

#385

⇓

If we make this couple desperate enough for money, they'll sell their house to us.

#386

⇓

We're buying every house in the neighborhood. Yeah, check it out.

#387

⇓

We get the house, you get a higher price for that kid you're crapping out. Everybody wins.

#388

⇓

We're merging the ideas. I didn't want to merge the ideas in the first place.

#389

⇓

Well, we're merging 'em, so get used to it.

#390

⇓

Uh, we're giving Deandra $100,000 to carry a child for us.

#391

⇓

Now, I'll be providing the sperm, of course.

#392

⇓

And I'll be providing the money because I'm the breadwinner in the relationship.

#393

⇓

And I'm the trophy husband. He's my bottom.

#394

⇓

Oh! I'm the power bottom. Technically, I generate most of the power.

#395

⇓

Only because I'm giving out so much power from the top.

#396

⇓

You need to generate power to accept it.

#397

⇓

- Deandra, what the hell are they talking about? - I don't know.

#398

⇓

Hey, Dee! Hey! Hey!

#399

⇓

[Sean] Who's this guy? Oh, splinter!

#400

⇓

There's a gate, bro! What the hell are you doing here?

#401

⇓

Pardon me, ma'am, sir.

#402

⇓

- Everything's fine 'cause Daddy's here now. - Who are you?

#403

⇓

I'm the father of the baby growing inside of her stomach, and I need a safe place to hide.

#404

⇓

What baby are you talking about, Charlie? I'm not pregnant yet!

#405

⇓

- [Crashing] - Abort!

#406

⇓

[Grunts] Abort! Abort!

#407

⇓

- Do not buy this house! - There's a goddamn gate!

#408

⇓

I just got done with that lawyer. He threatened to sue me.

#409

⇓

- What? Why? - Well, I had those kids painting their room.

#410

⇓

And then I told them to go down, rip some copper pipes out.

#411

⇓

Their little hands got all bloody. Big deal.

#412

⇓

And they- I had to give them the house to settle the suit.

#413

⇓

Okay, that's it. You all are crazy, and I'm asking you to leave.

#414

⇓

[Dee] Yes. So, let's go.

#415

⇓

Please leave. Oh, are you sure? Really?

#416

⇓

- This is a very inviting pool. - You heard the guy! You heard him!

#417

⇓

Oh, you two. I am so sorry about that.

#418

⇓

Boy, that was nuts, wasn't it?

#419

⇓

Yeah.

#420

⇓

You know, we're gonna have to ask you to leave as well.

#421

⇓

But what about the baby?

#422

⇓

We're just gonna find someone else. Oh, you guys!

#423

⇓

You got me there! I thought you were serious. We are serious, Deandra.

#424

⇓

[Splashing]

#425

⇓

Oh, this shit is like a bathtub. [Mac] Jackknife!

#426

⇓

Oh, yeah! Cannonball!

#427

⇓

Whoo! [Mac] Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

#428

⇓

- Oh, yeah! - This is great.

#429

⇓

Come on in, Dee. Chicken fight! Chicken fight!

#430

⇓

- [Dennis] Let's do a chicken fight! - Chicken fight! Chicken fight!

#431

⇓

Chicken fight! Chicken fight! Chicken fight!

#432

⇓

[Shouting]

#433

⇓

[Screaming]

#434

⇓

Yeah! Yeah!

#435

⇓

[Voices Speaking Backwards]

#436

⇓

ENGLISH - US - PSDH

#437

⇓