Home » I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson » S01E06 — We Used to Watch This At My Old Work

I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson

Season 1, Episode 6 — We Used to Watch This At My Old Work

[man] I want my treasure chest.

#1

⇓

I want my treasure chest.

#2

⇓

I want it and I'm gonna get it.

#3

⇓

Where's my treasure chest?

#4

⇓

Let me in.

#6

⇓

This is where I used to live.

#7

⇓

Is anybody in there?

#8

⇓

I want my treasure chest. I want it!

#9

⇓

["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]

#10

⇓

-[woman sighs contentedly] -Ah, what a perfect day.

#11

⇓

-Uh, sweetie? -Yeah, honey.

#12

⇓

The horse you're on has a huge penis.

#13

⇓

I'd like to get off now.

#14

⇓

I'm not having any fun.

#15

⇓

[scoffs] Then we wasted our money.

#16

⇓

[man] Sound familiar?

#17

⇓

It's a beautiful fall day, and you're riding with a loved one,

#18

⇓

when all of a sudden, you're made to feel less of a man.

#19

⇓

You can't compete with these horse hogs.

#20

⇓

And now you don't need to.

#21

⇓

Here at Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch,

#22

⇓

we guarantee our horses have a smaller penis than a human man.

#23

⇓

♪ Where the horses are hung like you ♪

#25

⇓

Meet Starry Night here.

#26

⇓

At first glance, he appears to be a normal horse.

#27

⇓

But you check his undercarriage,

#28

⇓

and he's the same size as you and I.

#29

⇓

Is it easy to find a horse with a short peanut like this?

#30

⇓

No, it's damn near impossible.

#31

⇓

That's why our ancestors started breeding out the big penis gene

#32

⇓

in our horses generations ago.

#33

⇓

In fact, this year, we were excited to welcome

#34

⇓

our first five-inch horse penis.

#35

⇓

Tragically, he passed early this year.

#36

⇓

Killed himself.

#37

⇓

Yeah, he jumped off a cliff.

#38

⇓

Ha! Is that what they mean by "hung like a horse"?

#39

⇓

-I guess. -But yours is bigger than that.

#40

⇓

-Is it? -Mm-hm.

#41

⇓

Bigger than a horse's?

#42

⇓

I like the sound of that.

#43

⇓

Thanks, Fenton's.

#44

⇓

[funky music playing]

#47

⇓

[man] Live from Hollywood, California,

#48

⇓

-[cheering and applause] -it's Dan Vega's Mega Money Quiz!

#49

⇓

Hi! I'm Dan Vega.

#50

⇓

Let's get started.

#51

⇓

[applause]

#52

⇓

Our contestants, Paul and Colleen,

#53

⇓

will flip a square from our Mega Money Board,

#54

⇓

and it will show a dollar amount.

#55

⇓

-But, remember, watch out for the Chunky. -[chirruping]

#56

⇓

Chunky eats your points and he gets very mad.

#57

⇓

Colleen, you're up first. Pick a square on the board.

#58

⇓

-[applause] -Second row, four down from the left.

#59

⇓

Five hundred dollars.

#60

⇓

[cheering and applause]

#61

⇓

This red condiment can be put on hamburgers.

#62

⇓

Ketchup?

#63

⇓

Right! Five hundred dollars on the board for you.

#64

⇓

-[applause] -Good job!

#65

⇓

Paul, you are up.

#66

⇓

Okay, third row, second down.

#67

⇓

Okay, let's flip her over.

#68

⇓

-It's a Chunky! -[horn blaring, chirruping]

#69

⇓

-[hip hop beat playing] -Uh-oh! You got a Chunky!

#70

⇓

Uh-oh, Chunky's here!

#71

⇓

He's gobbling up your points.

#72

⇓

[music stops]

#73

⇓

[silence]

#74

⇓

[weakly imitates a scream]

#75

⇓

What are you going to do with... What's the plan?

#76

⇓

[uptempo jingle playing]

#77

⇓

He's eating your points.

#78

⇓

[chuckles]

#79

⇓

All right.

#80

⇓

Okay.

#81

⇓

Ow!

#82

⇓

Stop! Aargh, he's pulling on my shirt!

#83

⇓

[contestant struggling]

#84

⇓

Off!

#85

⇓

What the hell are you doing, Chunky? You can't wreck his shirt.

#86

⇓

You have to figure out what Chunky does

#87

⇓

-before you come out here. Go! -What the fuck, man? He wrecked my shirt.

#88

⇓

Don't swear!

#89

⇓

Oh, my God!

#90

⇓

What game show have you ever seen that had swearing in it?

#91

⇓

[host] Ach, eesh!

#92

⇓

All right, Colleen, you have control of the board.

#93

⇓

Um, third row, third one down.

#94

⇓

-Three hundred dollars. All right! -[applause]

#95

⇓

Melted or cold, from the cow's udders, over time, it will grow mold.

#96

⇓

Is it cheese?

#97

⇓

-That's right. It is cheese. -[cheering and applause]

#98

⇓

All right, Paul, you have control of the board.

#99

⇓

Fourth row, four down.

#100

⇓

-Uh-oh! -[horn blaring]

#101

⇓

It's a Chunky!

#102

⇓

-[hip hop beat playing] -[host] Oh, frick. What do you...

#103

⇓

-What's this? You have a bag? -What the hell? That's my backpack.

#104

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You got his bag. What are you gonna do with it?

#105

⇓

Hey, that's my laptop. Don't touch that. Put that back.

#106

⇓

What are you doing with that?

#107

⇓

-Hey! -[host] Don't... Put that--

#108

⇓

-No! -[host] Chunky!

#109

⇓

Tell him to stop!

#110

⇓

Don't break his laptop. That's expensive.

#111

⇓

Thank you.

#112

⇓

-No! -What did I just say?!

#113

⇓

Don't break his fricking laptop!

#114

⇓

-You got to pay for that. -I don't.

#115

⇓

-[Chunky] I was just trying-- -Well, don't talk!

#116

⇓

You can't talk!

#117

⇓

Chunky, the mouth on the... Don't come over by me!

#118

⇓

Stay over there!

#119

⇓

Figure out what you do!

#120

⇓

-[uptempo jingle playing] -You had all summer to think of it.

#121

⇓

-[jingle stops] -Okay, Paul,

#122

⇓

you just went. You have control of the board again.

#123

⇓

[sighs]

#124

⇓

Third down, fourth row.

#125

⇓

-That's a Chunky. -You didn't even turn it over.

#126

⇓

I came up with this game.

#127

⇓

I know what all the little things are.

#128

⇓

Oh, my God.

#129

⇓

What is it? What are you doing with the bag, Chunky?

#130

⇓

-A hat? -That's my hat.

#131

⇓

What is that thing?

#132

⇓

-You want to put the hat on him? -[audience member] Yeah!

#133

⇓

Yeah, okay, let's see what that does.

#134

⇓

-[uptempo jingle playing] -Stop! Stop.

#135

⇓

Ow! What... is this?

#136

⇓

Fine, I'm wearing my own hat!

#137

⇓

[audience booing and hissing]

#138

⇓

We haven't been to the board in a long time.

#139

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Yeah, I know Colleen. This show is gonna suck.

#140

⇓

We just got to figure out, like,

#141

⇓

what Chunky's deal is. Like--

#142

⇓

-[Chunky] Well, don't throw away-- -Don't talk!

#143

⇓

The mouth on the thing doesn't move!

#144

⇓

-It looks fake! -[end of round jingle playing]

#145

⇓

Yeah, that's a good idea. Dump it.

#146

⇓

[clicks tongue]

#150

⇓

Have you guys seen that YouTube video

#151

⇓

of the dancing lady in the clown mask who falls off the couch?

#152

⇓

-So funny. -It's so funny.

#153

⇓

-So funny. Jessie, you'd love it. -Let's put it on.

#154

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Yeah, it's like the second one down.

#155

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[hip hop music playing on video]

#156

⇓

[chuckling]

#157

⇓

I mean, she's, like, unconscious.

#158

⇓

Seen the one where the weatherman accidentally draws a penis?

#159

⇓

-No. Pull it up. -You got to pull it up.

#160

⇓

-No, I haven't seen that. -This one?

#161

⇓

The second one. Yeah, right there.

#162

⇓

And with a cold front moving in from the northeast, it's going--

#163

⇓

Shit.

#164

⇓

[all laughing]

#165

⇓

-He, like, had to have gotten fired. -Have you seen the one with the kid

#166

⇓

who puts the glow stick in the microwave?

#167

⇓

The dad is so funny.

#168

⇓

-So funny, right? -He's fucking nuts.

#169

⇓

-Reggie, what's your favorite? -Uh, I don't know what my favorite is.

#170

⇓

Well, what's a funny one?

#171

⇓

Oh, God, there's like...

#172

⇓

tons I can think of that just blow me away.

#173

⇓

It's fine if you, like, don't have one.

#174

⇓

I have one.

#175

⇓

We all have one. I have one.

#176

⇓

I just can't remember exactly how you type it in.

#177

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Well, I can search for it. What happens in it?

#178

⇓

It's so funny.

#179

⇓

I just can't remember, like...

#180

⇓

how to search for it.

#181

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Well, just let us know when you remember it.

#182

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I just can't remember.

#183

⇓

I can't remember how to search it. What...

#184

⇓

Uh, you know what we have to watch?

#185

⇓

We have to watch the guy with the newscaster on the roller coaster.

#186

⇓

Yes, so funny.

#187

⇓

-It's so funny. -So funny.

#188

⇓

[man] So funny.

#189

⇓

[Jessie] Pull it up.

#190

⇓

-[woman] It's so funny. -[man] It's so funny.

#191

⇓

-[menacing ambient music playing] -[Jessie] It is so good.

#192

⇓

-[woman] So funny. -[man] Yes.

#193

⇓

[all laughing]

#194

⇓

[Jessie] It's so funny.

#195

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[man] So funny!

#196

⇓

["Blending Soul" by Soul Blenders playing]

#197

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Okay, so I talked to Marcus,

#198

⇓

and he's gonna take care of catering for the whole thing.

#199

⇓

So we're gonna have hors d'oeuvres,

#200

⇓

and then mini pizzas,

#201

⇓

shared salads, and, of course, little cupcakes

#202

⇓

with baby Debbie's name written on them.

#203

⇓

That's perfect. Christine is gonna love that.

#204

⇓

This is gonna be such a nice baby shower!

#205

⇓

Oh, we should do, like, a little gift bag for everybody.

#206

⇓

-That's a great idea. -How much do we want to spend?

#207

⇓

I think maybe around $200 makes sense.

#208

⇓

Oh, maybe we could give everybody little individual bottles of champagne.

#209

⇓

Oh, that's a good idea.

#210

⇓

People also love those macarons.

#211

⇓

You know? So good.

#212

⇓

Yeah, what about Stanzo brand fedoras?

#213

⇓

What?

#214

⇓

Stanzo brand fedoras in each of the gift bags.

#215

⇓

Those Stanzos are nice.

#216

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I mean, I don't know about fedoras for a baby shower, though.

#217

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They're nice.

#218

⇓

For $200, I could probably get 50 Stanzo brand fedoras.

#219

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Yeah, I don't think we're gonna do the fedoras.

#220

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You know what's cute that I saw on Etsy?

#221

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Little baby-toed flip-flops.

#222

⇓

-Oh! -Or what about, like, a little candle?

#223

⇓

Oh, that's cool.

#224

⇓

Or what about a thousand plastic meatballs?

#225

⇓

To put in the gift bags?

#226

⇓

Yeah.

#227

⇓

They don't go bad or stink or nothing.

#228

⇓

For $200, I could probably get a thousand plastic meatballs.

#229

⇓

Maybe we should keep thinking.

#230

⇓

Okay.

#231

⇓

Oh, I know.

#232

⇓

What about, like, one of those little things with soaps and lotions

#233

⇓

-from Bath & Body Works? -Oh, I like that.

#234

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You know what I saw once I thought was cute?

#235

⇓

Tommy guns.

#236

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My friends aren't gonna buy the crap from your mob movie.

#237

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What mob movie?

#238

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-It fell apart 'cause it fucking sucked. -Goddamn it.

#239

⇓

-[man] You brought it up. -[woman] I didn't.

#240

⇓

I didn't even know you still had that stuff.

#241

⇓

Where would it be?

#242

⇓

Nobody wants a thousand plastic meatballs!

#243

⇓

They don't even look real! They look like little pieces of shit!

#244

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[woman] You just said they look real.

#245

⇓

[man] To them. I need to unload them.

#246

⇓

[woman] These are my friends!

#247

⇓

They... They look... They look real.

#248

⇓

They don't look like little pieces of shit.

#249

⇓

-We won't do the meatballs. -You're blowing it.

#250

⇓

-We're doing the candles. -Yeah.

#251

⇓

We're gonna do individual little bottles of champagne.

#252

⇓

And then if we have any money left over--

#253

⇓

Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.

#254

⇓

What are you saying?

#255

⇓

Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.

#256

⇓

Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.

#257

⇓

How much money did you put in this?

#258

⇓

I thought it was gonna be a hit!

#259

⇓

It turns out it fucking sucks!

#260

⇓

Maybe we could buy a few fedoras.

#261

⇓

It's got...

#262

⇓

I... It's got...

#263

⇓

You kinda got to buy 'em in bulk, otherwise it's not worth it for me.

#264

⇓

So we have to buy all 50 of them?

#265

⇓

It needs to be quality on my end, otherwise no fucking deal.

#266

⇓

Oh, my God, these stink!

#267

⇓

They're Stanzos.

#268

⇓

They're nice.

#269

⇓

[as mob movie character] Hey! Who took my cigars?

#270

⇓

[slowed] Who took my cigars?

#271

⇓

[Tommy gun firing]

#272

⇓

[funky music playing]

#273

⇓

She said she's gonna be another 15 minutes.

#274

⇓

Okay, so what are we watching?

#275

⇓

Okay, I just saw this new video.

#276

⇓

It's called Wine Stomp Lady.

#277

⇓

I saw that.

#278

⇓

I don't want to wreck it, but why is she even up there?

#279

⇓

I have one.

#280

⇓

Oh, nice, Reggie. What is it?

#281

⇓

Have you guys ever seen Bozo Dubbed Over?

#282

⇓

Like Bozo the Clown?

#283

⇓

Have you seen it? It's hilarious.

#284

⇓

No, let's watch it.

#285

⇓

Type in "Bozo Dubbed Over,"

#286

⇓

and there's spaces between each of the words.

#287

⇓

Is this it?

#288

⇓

Yes.

#289

⇓

It has one view, and it says it was uploaded at 6:00 a.m. this morning.

#290

⇓

Have you seen it? It's hilarious.

#291

⇓

[circus music playing on video]

#292

⇓

[man] Oh, fuck.

#293

⇓

What the fuck?

#294

⇓

I'm not even supposed to be here.

#295

⇓

I hope I don't jack off.

#296

⇓

What is this, Reggie?

#297

⇓

I guess it's, like, a viral video where Bozo dubs over.

#298

⇓

[man] Oh, fuck, a clownputer?

#299

⇓

Fuck that. Probably got no games.

#300

⇓

I hope nobody goes home and fucks my mom.

#301

⇓

Hilarious, right?

#302

⇓

[man] What the fuck's that? Like a little circle?

#303

⇓

Oh, fuck! I thought this guy's supposed to be bald!

#304

⇓

What is this guy trying to do?

#305

⇓

Is this supposed to be what Bozo's thinking or saying?

#306

⇓

What guy? It's Bozo. Bozo did it.

#307

⇓

Bozo did... what?

#308

⇓

Bozo did the dub.

#309

⇓

He's doing the dub.

#310

⇓

Bozo is, not a guy.

#311

⇓

[man] Um, okay.

#312

⇓

This guy's about to jack off.

#313

⇓

I feel like it makes more sense that a different guy is dubbing over it.

#314

⇓

No, he's saying what he wanted to say on the show now.

#315

⇓

Bozo is. That's Bozo's voice.

#316

⇓

[man] This little fucking bike's a piece of shit.

#317

⇓

Reggie, did you make this thing last night so you'd have a video to show?

#318

⇓

[pensive ambient music playing]

#319

⇓

[Reggie] No.

#320

⇓

["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]

#321

⇓

[man] I thought Mark was doing better.

#322

⇓

Well, last night, Mark fell down and nearly hit his head on the counter.

#323

⇓

His drinking has really gotten out of control.

#324

⇓

It's hard, I know.

#325

⇓

But if we're actually his friends, we have to do this intervention.

#326

⇓

I can do Friday.

#327

⇓

-That works for me. -We could do it at my house.

#328

⇓

[door slams]

#329

⇓

We could do it at my house.

#330

⇓

It's the most comfortable, it can fit everyone. It's the perfect trap.

#331

⇓

Plus, it's already like a party house, so he'll want to go there.

#332

⇓

Isn't your house kinda far away?

#333

⇓

Yeah, but it's like a complete party house.

#334

⇓

And bring snacks so it feels like a real party.

#335

⇓

Jake, why not cook something? Like a hot dip or something.

#337

⇓

A hot dip?

#338

⇓

A hot dip or something.

#339

⇓

Yeah, bring it to my house.

#340

⇓

It's settled then. Friday.

#341

⇓

Let's bust the fucker. [laughs]

#342

⇓

[sighs]

#343

⇓

Come on in.

#344

⇓

Watch your step. There's a lot of stuff around

#345

⇓

'cause it's a big party house, so...

#346

⇓

Whoa!

#347

⇓

-What is this place? -[homeowner] Take a seat, Mark.

#348

⇓

Sorry, bud, no partying tonight.

#349

⇓

I'm afraid to say this is your intervention.

#350

⇓

What the fuck?

#351

⇓

You're busted, man.

#352

⇓

No, I mean...

#353

⇓

what is happening with your house?

#354

⇓

-What the hell is all this stuff? -Yeah, should we do this somewhere else?

#355

⇓

Sit down.

#356

⇓

We're not fucking around here. Right, guys?

#357

⇓

That chair reclines, by the way.

#358

⇓

The tongue sticks out.

#359

⇓

"Mark...

#360

⇓

[poignant music playing]

#361

⇓

you used to be my best friend.

#362

⇓

We were like brothers,

#363

⇓

going to the movies together, traveling, playing sports.

#364

⇓

To see something be in control of you, and see you drinking it all away...

#365

⇓

-[whispers] All Garfield. -"Do you know how hard that is for me?

#366

⇓

Brother, I love you,

#367

⇓

but I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore.

#368

⇓

You need help."

#369

⇓

Mark...

#370

⇓

your drinking has made you a totally different person.

#371

⇓

You've lost your lust for life. I'll never forget the day that I told you

#372

⇓

that I bought Jim Davis' house, the creator of Garfield.

#373

⇓

You just sat there, stared at me...

#374

⇓

like I didn't just tell you I bought Jim Davis' house...

#375

⇓

fully furnished!

#376

⇓

And I read the e-mail that you wrote when you were drunk.

#377

⇓

I saw how you said I spent all my money on the Jim Davis house.

#378

⇓

How I wasted all my money on the Garfield house,

#379

⇓

and how it's all I talk about. But you know what you didn't say?

#380

⇓

How it came fully furnished.

#381

⇓

"Mark, this is the hardest letter I've ever had to write.

#382

⇓

When you showed up at my house at two in the morning,

#383

⇓

drunk off your ass,

#384

⇓

you scared my kids.

#385

⇓

I'll never forget--"

#386

⇓

And I'll never forget when I woke up at 3 a.m.,

#387

⇓

and heard pounding on the door.

#388

⇓

It was Jim Davis.

#389

⇓

He forgot that he didn't live here anymore.

#390

⇓

He came in, he pushed me around.

#391

⇓

He goes, "Hey, where's the Garfield treasure chest?"

#392

⇓

I said, "Dude, back off. I don't know.

#393

⇓

I didn't touch a goddamn thing."

#394

⇓

Meanwhile, where are you?

#395

⇓

Drunk little bitch, you make me sick.

#396

⇓

Guys... I just looked it up.

#397

⇓

Jim Davis never owned this house.

#398

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What the fuck are you talking about? Who lived here?

#399

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A guy who tried to kill Jim Davis.

#400

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So you're saying I spent, like, three hours in a Garfield-shaped hot tub

#401

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with a murderer?

#402

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-[alarm beeping] -Oh, my God!

#403

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It's the guy who tried to kill Jim Davis!

#404

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I'm Garfield.

#405

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What is going on?

#406

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[laughs]

#407

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[Garfield recording] I hate Mondays.

#408

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I hate Mondays.

#409

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I hate Mondays.

#410

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-[distorted] Garfield! -I hate Mondays.

#411

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["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]

#412

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