Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S06E09 — Dee Reynolds - Shaping America's Youth

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 6, Episode 9 — Dee Reynolds - Shaping America's Youth

Here comes my main man, Matty.

#1

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Time for a haircut, Matty, though.

#2

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Don't make me give it to you.

#3

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You the man, Professor.

#4

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You're the man if you stay in school, JJ.

#5

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All right.

#6

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All right, you.

#7

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Lisa, how's the GPA?

#8

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Keep it up, up, up, up, up!

#9

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Professor!

#10

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Hey, there's my man.

#11

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Oh, time-out, son!

#12

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Hang on, son.

#13

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Uh, did you forget something here?

#14

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Sorry?

#15

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This orange, it belong to you?

#16

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Uh, no.

#17

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Looks pretty good, not too peeled.

#18

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Pretty intact here. You want it?

#19

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No, thanks, I'm cool, Professor.

#20

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You're cool? Well, when you're cool, you're cool.

#21

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Hey, Dee, how's it going?

#22

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Teacher's lounge. Pretty sweet.

#23

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How'd you swing that?

#24

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I'm a teacher now, Charlie.

#25

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I'm subbing for Dr. Myers while he gets his hip fixed.

#26

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Look at us with our new careers, huh?

#27

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How about that?

#28

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Well, yours is kinda the same, you know, 'cause you've

#29

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always sort of been a janitor.

#30

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Ah, but I'm thriving here, I'll tell you what.

#31

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Uh-huh, yea Did you get that orange out of the garbage?

#32

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I sure did.

#33

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Can you believe that?

#34

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Someone threw this away, perfectly good orange, you know?

#35

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They were digging at it a little bit and must've

#36

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given up, but... Don't eat trash, Charlie.

#37

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I'll eat what I want to eat, okay?

#38

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Miss Reynolds, please report to the front office immediately.

#39

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You have an emergency call.

#40

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Miss Reynolds, to the front office, please.

#41

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Emergency?

#42

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Jump on that.

#43

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Hello.

#44

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Yeah, hey, Dee, it's Dennis, Mac and Frank.

#45

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Hey, what's the matter?

#46

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I've only just heard, I've only just heard your belly's so

#47

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fat, you make John Candy look like Lara Flynn Boyle.

#48

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Snap!

#49

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What?

#50

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We've been on the snap-joke kick about your

#51

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pregnant body, but since you're not around, we decided to call you.

#52

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He's talking about Lara Flynn Boyle jokes.

#53

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I think we got some better ones.

#54

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Goddammit, guys.

#55

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I am a teacher now.

#56

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I don't have time for your shit, you dumbass dickbags!

#57

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Wrong number. Sorry.

#58

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Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

#59

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Okay, good morning, everybody.

#60

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Hi. Good morning.

#61

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Uh, as you are all aware,

#62

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Dr. Myers recently broke his hip, and

#63

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unfortunately, I've been given some

#64

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devastating news that he's taken a turn for the worse,

#65

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and he's died.

#66

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Now while we all feel robbed of him here on Earth,

#67

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heaven above has just received another angel.

#68

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And that is what you call...a monologue!

#69

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You guys, you're all going to be doing your own monologues in this class.

#70

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Now, they're not gonna be as good as mine just was, but listen,

#71

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I don't want you to beat yourselves up for...

#72

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Okay, okay, I'm confused.

#73

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So, Dr. Myers isn't dead?

#74

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No, no, no, not dead.

#75

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Very much alive, but that's the power of acting.

#76

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Do you see what I'm saying? One minute dead...

#77

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The next minute alive... Resurrection.

#78

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It's all acting. Everywhere there's acting.

#79

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Let's talk about you guys.

#80

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Why don't you tell me, uh, what your favorite play is.

#81

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Raise your hand if you've ever seen live theater.

#82

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Seriously? Are you kidding me?

#83

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All right, that's it.

#84

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I am taking you guys on a field trip to Broadway!

#85

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I'm taking you to New York City.

#86

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Yeah!

#87

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Hey, fat bitch, how you doing today, Richard?

#88

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He's a happy clown.

#89

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Hey-hey-hey, break it up, break it up!

#90

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Oh, come on.

#91

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All right, which one of you guys did this?

#92

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Who painted your face, kid?

#93

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I did. He's a dumbass juggalo.

#94

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Juggalos for life, bitch!

#95

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Watch what you say, Richard.

#96

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Hey, hey, you watch what you say!

#97

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All right, you know what?

#98

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I want the three of you out of the bathroom.

#99

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I'm talking to the clown. Let's go.

#100

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And I got my eyes on you guys for the rest of the year.

#101

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Yeah, I've sized you up, I've strip you down.

#102

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I don't like what I see.

#103

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I'm not impressed.

#104

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Big tough guys, huh? Big tough guys!

#105

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All right, kid, what's going on with the clown makeup, though?

#106

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You're sticking out like a sore thumb.

#107

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That's 'cause I'm a juggalo... ICP! Insane Clown Posse, yo.

#108

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I don't know what that... You have a posse? Well, good.

#109

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Stick with your insane clown people, and you won't get jumped.

#110

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They're a band, dude.

#111

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I'm, like, a die-hard fan.

#112

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We're called juggalos.

#113

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Where are you real friends, dude?

#114

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I lost all my friends.

#115

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Aw, shit, man.

#116

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I lost all my friends, too.

#117

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All right, I'll tell you what.

#118

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You know, if you want to wear your clown makeup in school, wear it.

#119

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I got your back. You won't get jumped.

#120

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Yeah, I ain't exactly allowed to wear my makeup in school, though.

#121

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Oh, really?

#122

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- Bunch of bullshit, dawg! - That is bullshit!

#123

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All right, kid, today's your lucky day, all right?

#124

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We're gonna talk to the principal, okay?

#125

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'Cause the Professor just took an interest in ya!

#126

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I'm bored to tears!

#127

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Let's go harass Charlie and Dee.

#128

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We don't need Charlie and Dee to have fun, okay?

#129

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We can figure out something to do without them.

#130

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Hey, you know, guys, now might be a good time to do our Lethal Weapon 5 reshoots.

#131

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Why would we do reshoots on that? That movie was perfect.

#132

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Yeah, I was great in it, and my villain was very evil.

#133

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Yeah, no, you did a great job, Frank.

#134

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I'm not talking about that. Your villain was amazing.

#135

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I'm referring more at the black face.

#136

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- With its all... - What's wrong with the black face?

#137

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Well, I seriously regret switching parts with you halfway

#138

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though and letting you play Murtaugh in blackface.

#139

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I feel like it was in very poor taste in retrospect.

#140

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I think it was in poor taste that you were doing Murtaugh in whiteface.

#141

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I mean, for God's sakes, Dennis, what message does that send?

#142

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A lot of great actors have done blackface.

#143

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Oh, you know, there's countless examples of very classy actors doing blackface.

#144

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Let's see, we've got the great C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man,

#145

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we've got the Wayans brothers in White Chicks.

#146

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That was a very tasteful example of reverse blackface.

#147

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Okay, those are bad examples, okay?

#148

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There's tons of good examples of old movies with... Frank, help me out.

#149

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Laurence Olivier in Othello.

#150

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Laurence Olivier in Othello, dude.

#151

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That's, like, the classiest actor of all time. Perfect.

#152

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Yeah, but I guarantee you there was some black people that

#153

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were working on that movie that were, like, "Man, what dat white man doing?

#154

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Come on. That ain't right. Get a black man."

#155

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Okay, so hold on.

#156

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What kind of voice is that?

#157

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You're doing a black voice and that's not racist?

#158

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I'm just saying that's how black people talk. That's not racist.

#159

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So you would do a black guy with a black voice,

#160

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but not a black guy with a black face?

#161

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I don't have a problem at all with doing a black voice.

#162

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That's just an accurate portrayal... I don't understand that, dude.

#163

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I'm just saying it's just about doing it tastefully, okay?

#164

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Yeah, and you got to make the lips funny.

#165

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Oh, no! Oh, no!

#166

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- No, no, no. What? - They have to be funny.

#167

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The lips have to be outlined. It's not about being funny at all, okay?

#168

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It's not about funny.

#169

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It's about... Oh, my God, I'm getting pissed off!

#170

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Well, you can't do the voice without the lips.

#171

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Okay, all right, everybody calm down.

#172

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Clearly, we're not gonna come to any conclusions here today,

#173

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so let's move past it.

#174

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Let's do something else.

#175

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Okay, right.

#176

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We can find something to do.

#177

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Let's just figure it out.

#178

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Let's just figure it out.

#179

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Let's put our heads together.

#180

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Come on. Think, think.

#181

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So, you want to take them to New York.

#182

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Yes, to Broadway.

#183

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And I tell you what, I brought it up... the kids are super stoked about it.

#184

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Now, let's talk hotel rooms.

#185

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Um, you know, I-I... I guess the first point I'd like to... to make... Mm-hmm?

#186

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...uh, Miss Reynolds, is, uh, you are a substitute.

#187

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That's right.

#188

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So I really don't think you should be hauling students across state lines.

#189

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Hmm.

#190

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Secondly... secondly, the funding for arts programs here

#191

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is pretty much... it's pretty much nonexistent.

#192

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Oh.

#193

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It's shameful, but that's the way it is, so even if I did have

#194

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the money, I would never... and I emphasize never... give it to

#195

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someone whom I've just met.

#196

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Knock, knock, knock.

#197

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Uh, am I interrupting?

#198

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Yes, we're right in the middle of something.

#199

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Hey, Dee.

#200

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She's not giving you too much trouble, is she?

#201

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No.

#202

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Oh, my gosh.

#203

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So you two know each other.

#204

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No, we met in the... Yeah, we're best friends.

#205

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Best friends.

#206

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We're best friends. Excellent.

#207

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That's odd, because you're a janitor.

#210

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Yeah, uh, but Ritchie here is a hell of a kid, and he's struggling.

#211

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Juggalo, bro.

#213

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Juggalo... he's a juggalo.

#214

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It's sort of a clown posse.

#215

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I figured you and I were getting tight enough that I could maybe

#216

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Uh, well, uh... you know, it's school policy that no one

#218

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should paint their face.

#219

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So... that's the rule, and that's the end of that.

#220

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- That's the rule. - Yep.

#221

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- There's no wiggle room there. - No.

#222

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All right, tell you what.

#223

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I'll take him down to the locker room, I'll lather him up real

#224

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good, I'll strip all these silly-ass clothes off him, and

#225

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I'll clean him, sparking clean.

#226

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Brand-new kid for you.

#227

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Bring him back up.

#228

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No, no, no, please, don't bathe the students.

#229

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You're right.

#230

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He's a big man. He can bathe himself, can't you, Rich?

#231

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Let's go, Ritchie.

#233

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You're getting cleaned up.

#234

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Come on!

#235

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Oh, I'd rather you didn't do that, either.

#236

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Okay, there it is.

#237

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Okay, this is a terrible example of blackface.

#240

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This guy isn't even trying to look like a real person.

#241

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Well he almost got the mouth right...

#242

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That's what I'm saying about the lips.

#243

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They got to be... The lips are the most offensive part.

#244

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Look, the guy is bugging his eyes out like a cartoon character, okay?

#245

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You just cannot cast a white man as a black man and paint his face black.

#248

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- You can't do it. - They're actors.

#249

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They're trying to create an illusion.

#250

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You know, in the Lord of the Rings movie, Ian McKellen plays a wizard.

#251

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Do you think he goes home at night and shoots laser beams

#252

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into his boyfriend's asshole?

#253

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I don't think so, dude.

#254

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Tom Cruise is a midget, all right, but he plays guys that

#255

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Yeah, but again, nobody's buying that, either.

#257

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Okay, look. Look at this.

#258

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This is Laurence Olivier in Othello, and this is James Earl Jones.

#259

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Now, look at how close they look.

#260

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James Earl Jones has a black face! He's a black man.

#262

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- He's not black. James Earl Jones... - Of course, he's black!

#263

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Darth Vader was black?

#265

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See, okay, there we go. Darth Vader was not black.

#266

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They took the mask off. He was white.

#267

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I'm telling you, look, look. We got to agree on this.

#268

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The whole idea is getting the right color shoe polish.

#269

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No!

#270

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Oh, Frank, if you're starting with shoe polish, you're

#271

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starting off on the wrong foot, buddy. No way.

#272

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Shoe polish? Come on.

#273

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And he's on your side.

#274

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Stop arguing for me, okay?

#275

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- I got it. - Hold on, this is Dee.

#276

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Let-let's... Hey, hey, Dee, uh, can you weigh in on something for us?

#277

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We're trying... Hey, no, no time.

#278

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Uh, listen, I need you to do something for me.

#279

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Can you clear out the bar?

#280

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Because I'm going to bring some students from the classroom

#281

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Why?

#283

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Because I need these kids to respect me, you know, and I want

#284

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to show them how cool I am, so... plus I feel like this

#285

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would be a really good opp... Oh, Dennis, Dennis, cover it up, cover it up.

#286

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Then we can get an audience to weigh in.

#288

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That's not a bad idea.

#289

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We can really take the temperature on this with a large group.

#290

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Yeah. Kids are honest as shit.

#291

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Yeah.

#292

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Hi! Hello!

#293

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Dee, we're on it.

#294

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We'll take care of the movie.

#295

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No, no, you're not taking care of the movie.

#296

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You're not railroading me on this, okay?

#297

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This is my thing, it's my movie. Don't... I'll do the movie.

#298

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No, Dee, it's a classic. Okay? It's Shakespeare.

#299

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Othello, Laurence Olivier. Come on.

#300

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Othello.

#301

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Oh, I'm sorry. I have to apologize.

#302

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That's actually a really good idea.

#303

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Ooh, plus it'll give me the opportunity... Okay, enough of that.

#304

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Guys, let's get set up for a screening.

#305

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All right, let's do it.

#306

⇓

Uh, gentlemen, hello. How do you do?

#307

⇓

Long time, no see.

#308

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I'd like to introduce you to my protégé Ritchie.

#309

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- Ritchie, these are the guys. - Oh.

#310

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Hello. What up? Juggalo for life.

#311

⇓

- What the hell is he talking about? - Drop it with the whole juggalo thing.

#312

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You're embarrassing me.

#313

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Okay, now, I know you're all super stoked about watching

#314

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a movie in a bar, but we're just going to keep it on the down-low.

#315

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You know what I mean?

#316

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We don't need your parents and the principal finding out.

#317

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It's just our little secret.

#318

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- I've been in a bar before. - No, you haven't.

#319

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I've been in this bar before, so... Okay, you know what?

#320

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Let's just watch the movie and stop with our smart mouths.

#321

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Without further ado, Othello.

#322

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So I guess this is a Shakespearean movie.

#323

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It's going to be a little bit boring.

#324

⇓

Oh, shit, Lethal Weapon 5!

#325

⇓

This is great.

#326

⇓

What the hell is this?

#327

⇓

It's our movie.

#328

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It's a much more modern-day example of blackface.

#329

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Yeah, it's the most direct way to clear up our argument,

#330

⇓

Dee, so... What argument?

#331

⇓

What are you talking about?

#332

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The movie's on.

#333

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This is a good movie, Ritchie.

#334

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You're going to enjoy this.

#335

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Man, I ain't seen the first couple, though.

#336

⇓

Happy retirement, Rog.

#337

⇓

I'll be happy when I'm far away from your sorry ass, Riggs.

#338

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Just blow out the candles, Rog, make a wish.

#339

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Ah, I never know what to wish for with these damn things.

#340

⇓

That voice really is amazing, dude.

#341

⇓

Oh, thanks, man, thank you.

#342

⇓

Riggs, Murtaugh, bad news, fellas.

#343

⇓

Hey, Captain.

#344

⇓

Turns out another person just died from tainted tap water.

#345

⇓

Turns out someone taint... someone tapped the tainted water supply.

#346

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We should have cut him out completely.

#347

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The person who just died was your wife.

#348

⇓

Riggs...

#349

⇓

Yeah, Rog.

#350

⇓

I just thought of my wish.

#351

⇓

You like sharks, Detective?

#352

⇓

Powerful and majestic creatures.

#353

⇓

What is going on?

#354

⇓

Where are you?

#355

⇓

Frank splurged on a green screen.

#356

⇓

Yeah, but he wouldn't pay for the green screen on our side,

#357

⇓

so... We're not in the back office.

#358

⇓

We're-we're in a casino.

#359

⇓

Why would I know anything about the tainted water?

#360

⇓

Maybe because your rival tribe owns the water rights to half of Los Angeles.

#361

⇓

I need clean drinking water, too!

#362

⇓

Even sharks need water.

#363

⇓

Excuse me. If you leave now, I have some pressing matter to deal with.

#364

⇓

Kinda comes out of nowhere, but at least it's classy.

#365

⇓

Here comes the turn.

#366

⇓

I don't know why we, uh...

#367

⇓

Oh, Chief!

#368

⇓

Don't say anything. Quiet!

#369

⇓

Quiet. Good. Very nice. Oh!

#370

⇓

Oh, come on.

#371

⇓

This is unwatchable.

#372

⇓

Gotta dive in.

#373

⇓

Just finish already!

#374

⇓

Now that you're Riggs and not Murtaugh, and I have caught

#375

⇓

you, you are going to get it.

#376

⇓

Wait. You guys switched parts?

#377

⇓

Yeah, yeah.

#378

⇓

No!

#379

⇓

As more people die, the city will be looking to new resources

#380

⇓

for water like my tribe!

#381

⇓

- And you can bet your boots, Detective, that this time... - This is regrettable.

#382

⇓

You're supposed to be... a noble people.

#383

⇓

I tire of this conversation.

#384

⇓

Do you have any last words?

#385

⇓

Yeah, I got some last words.

#386

⇓

Go suck an egg.

#387

⇓

Oh, yeah, go suck an egg.

#388

⇓

Suck an egg?

#389

⇓

Sounds like you guys are having a great party.

#390

⇓

Why wasn't I invited?

#391

⇓

Oh!

#392

⇓

It's playing. It's playing.

#393

⇓

Son of a bitch.

#394

⇓

This is the greatest movie I've ever seen.

#395

⇓

Are you filming this, Ritchie?

#396

⇓

No. Come on, dude.

#397

⇓

That's-that's bootlegging.

#398

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I'll get you a copy, don't bootleg.

#399

⇓

Okay, you want to dance?

#400

⇓

How about a little tainted tap water?

#401

⇓

Oh.

#402

⇓

Yes! Yes!

#403

⇓

Great job, Rog.

#404

⇓

That's one... fried turkey.

#405

⇓

All right. Let's get out of here.

#406

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We got 'em... baby.

#407

⇓

I miss you, kid.

#408

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d There's a hungry road backed with lonely hopes gonna eat me up... d

#409

⇓

Okay. Wow.

#410

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I think that video says more than I ever could.

#411

⇓

As does that.

#412

⇓

- Right. - Mm-hmm.

#413

⇓

So... we're fired, yeah?

#414

⇓

Oh, absolutely.

#415

⇓

Yeah.

#416

⇓

Probably never should have been hired in the first place, though, huh?

#417

⇓

That was my bad.

#418

⇓

Right, that's on you.

#419

⇓

Yeah, I probably won't be here much longer myself.

#420

⇓

No, I don't imagine you will on account of the...

#421

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I got something that might cheer us up...

#422

⇓

Aah... Who wants a little bit of...

#423

⇓

a little bit of deliciousness here?

#424

⇓

I'm not gonna eat that.

#425

⇓

Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

#426

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