Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S10E04 — Charlie Work

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 10, Episode 4 — Charlie Work

Frank, pick up! Pick up,

#1

⇓

pick up, pick up, pick up!

#2

⇓

- Hello! - I got a Code Red.

#3

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I just got tipped off

#4

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that the health inspector's coming today!

#5

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The guy's gonna be here in, like, 15 minutes.

#6

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They're pulling a fast one on us!

#7

⇓

I got the place looking pretty good

#8

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'cause I was anticipating something like this, but do me a favor.

#9

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Make sure no one is in the bar today, okay?

#10

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I can't have those guys in here making a mess, you got it?

#11

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Oh, shit.

#12

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What the hell is this?

#13

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Why are there chickens everywhere?

#14

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No time to explain it to you, you wouldn't get it anyway.

#15

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- What are you painting? - It's a new sign.

#16

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Okay? Look. "Carmine's: A Place for Steaks."

#17

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What? No, I can't have you put that sign up.

#18

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The health inspector's coming, like, any minute!

#19

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- So what? - So what? So we're not Carmine's.

#20

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Look, I can't have them see the sign.

#21

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Who gives a shit? We always get a passing grade.

#22

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Yeah, because I bust my ass to make sure that happens, okay?

#23

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And we don't pretend that we're a restaurant!

#24

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This is crazy! No sign!

#25

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No, we're using the sign, because the sign's a big part of the plan.

#26

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What is the plan? What is happening?

#27

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Charlie, we found a loophole in the system.

#28

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It's a closing loophole involving airline miles and points.

#29

⇓

You're doing a chicken and airline miles scam today?

#30

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It is a great plan, okay?

#31

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We do not have a ton of time to explain it to you, we're busy...

#32

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- Fine, whatever, I get it. - No, you don't.

#33

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It's a good plan, Charlie.

#34

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Frank, Jesus Christ, man, where are your shoes?

#35

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- I lost 'em in the bathroom. - All right, goddamn it.

#36

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I gotta think here. Okay, here's what we're gonna do.

#37

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We gotta get all these chickens and coops

#38

⇓

and feathers and everything in the back office.

#39

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- Now! Go! - Why the hell would we do that?

#40

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I assume you don't want a health inspector

#41

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seeing anything about a chicken "scam" you're trying to pull off.

#42

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- That's a good point. - Fine.

#43

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But don't pretend like you understand the plan, 'cause that's gonna piss me off.

#44

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Dee, get the joke stool in the basement, all right? Can't have it out.

#45

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What? No way. It's hilarious.

#46

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It's not hilarious, it's just a stool with a nail sticking out of it.

#47

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Yeah, and when it pokes their butts, they scream,

#48

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'cause they just got a nail right in the butt.

#49

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You don't understand comedy.

#50

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You don't understand comedy. That's not a joke, it's a lawsuit.

#51

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- Just put it in the basement. - Fine.

#52

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- Can't have the guy sitting on that... - Okay! Relax!

#53

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Okay, Frank, let's go.

#54

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Bathroom! Come on! I gotta find your shoes!

#55

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- All right. - Let's go.

#56

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And then help with the chickens if you can, please.

#57

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Move, move, move, move. How could you have lost your shoes in...

#58

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Oh, my God. No!

#59

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No, no, no! What's wrong with the toilet?

#60

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- Looks clogged. - What the hell?

#61

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I just had these all in, like, perfect working condition.

#62

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- Must be my shoes. - Your shoes? What are you talking about?

#63

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When I said I lost my shoes, I didn't mean I didn't know where they were.

#64

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It's just that they were gone.

#65

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You flushed your shoes? Why would you do that?

#66

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It's an anxiety thing, Charlie.

#67

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Everybody's moving so fast all of a sudden, it freaks me out.

#68

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Flushing things gives me control. It's a thing.

#69

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- That's not a thing. - It's a thing.

#70

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That's not a thing. I've never heard of that thing.

#71

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Okay, I gotta dig 'em out.

#72

⇓

- Want me to get a snake tool? - No, I'm just gonna...

#73

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Go help with the chickens.

#74

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Help with the chickens.

#75

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Get 'em in the back office, do whatever you can!

#76

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Charlie, I need you for something.

#77

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Goddamn, this thing's broken.

#78

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Look, can you give me that fix bag right there?

#79

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Uh, yeah, yeah, sure. Hey, listen, um, we've got a huge problem out there, dude.

#80

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- Oh. - When Dennis said,

#81

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"We've got a really good idea with this plan,"

#82

⇓

that wasn't entirely accurate, 'cause it was actually my idea

#83

⇓

and I think the usage of the word "we" is really confusing,

#84

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'cause how can a whole group of people have the same idea at the same time?

#85

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What, do they just say it all at once? It's ludicrous.

#86

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I don't understand why you're angling for credit right now.

#87

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We'll go through the normal arbitration process

#88

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at the end of this.

#89

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I've been screwed at the last three arbitration processes,

#90

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and I just want you to be on my side, you know?

#91

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I really need you.

#92

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Whatever, dude. I don't care.

#93

⇓

What happened to the glory hole cover?

#94

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I took it off. I thought you put it on there by accident.

#95

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No, I put it up there because I don't want the health inspector

#96

⇓

seeing that we have a place for a person to get their dick sucked by a stranger.

#97

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You are taking this whole inspection thing way too seriously, okay?

#98

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Back to the credit issue,

#99

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you just don't know what it's like to be overlooked.

#100

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That's exactly what's happening to me right now.

#101

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Okay. You know what? Maybe I'll just casually bring it up to him

#102

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and then he won't even know what we're talking about.

#103

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Ha! I got a fix! I got a fix right here.

#104

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We'll put this up and, boom, pretty good.

#105

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What was that? Why did the lights go out?

#106

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Uh, that could be the vacuum sealer.

#107

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That thing probably pulls a lot of power.

#108

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- Vacuum sealer? What the hell? - Yeah.

#109

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All right, where's this packaging machine thing?

#110

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- Keg room. - Keg room?

#111

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Good, they're back on. Frank, don't go away!

#112

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Keep moving chickens,

#113

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but I need you to take the "Talk American" sign down.

#114

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You sure? Maybe he's a racist, too.

#115

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The health inspector's not a racist. Take it down, please.

#116

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And shoes, shoes, please? Find some shoes?

#117

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- I got this. - Oh, shit! This thing's tits!

#118

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No, no, no, you can't use this machine. It blew the surge protector.

#119

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We can't do the plan without the packaging machine.

#120

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How else are we supposed to vacuum-seal the steaks?

#121

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Steaks? This is a chicken and air mile and steak scam, now?

#122

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Yeah.

#123

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Okay, fine. I can work with it.

#124

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Just do me a favor, start packaging lemons and limes

#125

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and things, make it seem like we package shit at the bar.

#126

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Dee, I need you in the basement, I need your reach.

#127

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- Me? - Yeah, come on. Okay.

#128

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Hey, Dennis.

#129

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Could I talk to you for a second?

#130

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Do me a favor. I got a battery here.

#131

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Reach up in the carbon monoxide detector, just pop it in real quick?

#132

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Yeah, you got it. Hey, while we're down here,

#133

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I just wanted to talk to you about ideas...

#134

⇓

...and how funny it is that they can come

#135

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from all kinds of different places.

#136

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Somebody could say something

#137

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really funny and spark an idea...

#138

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Dee, zip up the mouth...

#139

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No, I know, but before the arbitration...

#140

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Dee, shut up, shut up, shut up!

#141

⇓

That's, uh, G-sharp. Okay, I got it, I got it. Yeah, yeah.

#142

⇓

Is it broken? It won't shut the hell up.

#143

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No, it's doing exactly what it's supposed to do and that's the problem.

#144

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There's a ton of carbon monoxide here. I don't want it doing that.

#145

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What? Why?

#146

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Actually, what I do is I block the vents to the furnace

#147

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filling the basement with dangerous gases.

#148

⇓

Drives the rodents away. I always do it leading up to an inspection.

#149

⇓

- Is that safe? - No, no.

#150

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It's incredibly unsafe.

#151

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We can't be down here too long, so get the battery and we gotta roll.

#152

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- Oh, my God. - Yeah, get it out.

#153

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And then just make it look like...

#154

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Goddamn you, Charlie. Goddamn it.

#155

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All right, go, go. You getting light-headed?

#156

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Yes!

#157

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Why'd I hear a squeal?

#158

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Oh, no, why are you bleeding?

#159

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Dennis scratched me.

#160

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Mac was doing that thing where he tries to casually bring something up to me,

#161

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like I don't notice. Come to me like a man!

#162

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Talk about being tough all the time,

#163

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- can't even look me in the eyes. - Okay.

#164

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How's this for shoes?

#165

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Aw, Frank, come on!

#166

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You're gonna get black paint everywhere!

#167

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I changed my mind about the stool.

#168

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No, no stool. Stool's out. No way!

#169

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It's just that it was my idea.

#170

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It's like the jean shorts, where...

#171

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Look at me when you're talking to me!

#172

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Oh, shit. The steaks are here.

#173

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Nice.

#174

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Whoa. That's a big truck.

#175

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Shit. No, no, no, no, no. I can't have this truck out here!

#176

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Hey, uh, is this Carmine's Steak House?

#177

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You're looking at the sign, pal.

#178

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Oh. Hey, you guys mind if I get a quick bite here before we begin?

#179

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You want to eat here?

#180

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Uh, yeah, you know, it's a long drive back to Ohio

#181

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and I figured I was gonna be here a while,

#182

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unloading all these steaks.

#183

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Well, you won't be here that long, right?

#184

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I mean, it's only 400 steaks.

#185

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Four hundred? You ordered 4,000.

#186

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Excuse me, I gotta use the toilet.

#187

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- Oh, shit. - Oh, gosh, you know what?

#188

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- The thing is, our kitchen's not open... - Okay, you know what? Yeah.

#189

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Go ahead, uh, leave the keys in,

#190

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maybe pop the back, we'll help you get started.

#191

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- I'm gonna fire up the grill and all set. - Okay.

#192

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We got you covered.

#193

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Son of a bitch. Did you flush your shirt?

#194

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Okay, uh, I don't want to interrupt here, Charlie,

#195

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but we got a major problem on our hands.

#196

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A, we are not a restaurant that serves food,

#197

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and, B, how are we gonna package 4,000 steaks?

#198

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We can handle it.

#199

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Dee, we should've never done your stupid plan!

#200

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My plan? This was Frank's idea.

#201

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Wasn't my idea. Dennis was all over it.

#202

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Me? This was Mac's stupid plan.

#203

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- Then why'd you scratch me? - 'Cause I was irritated with you.

#204

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We can handle all of this.

#205

⇓

With all due respect,

#206

⇓

you don't even know what the goddamn plan is.

#207

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With all due respect to you, I think I understand it fully.

#208

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You guys used Frank's credit card, you bought a bunch of airline miles.

#209

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You used those airline miles to purchase 400 steaks.

#210

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Knowing that this delivery company

#211

⇓

delivered all variety of animal products,

#212

⇓

your plan was to contaminate the steaks

#213

⇓

with chicken feathers, by rubbing live chickens all over them.

#214

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Then you were gonna repackage the steaks, at which point,

#215

⇓

you were gonna return the contaminated steaks for actual cash,

#216

⇓

taking advantage of a loophole

#217

⇓

in the current airline miles system, correct?

#218

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- Very good, Charlie. - That is it, that is it.

#219

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That was the plan, but I mean,

#220

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- we basically already explained it to you. - Right.

#221

⇓

But what you didn't plan for was a hungry delivery guy

#222

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who'd driven here all the way from Ohio.

#223

⇓

Or that Dee's oversized fingers could've accidentally pressed

#224

⇓

"zero" again when she ordered the steaks online.

#225

⇓

I'm assuming you did the typing, Dee?

#226

⇓

- Goddamn it. - Dee, you bitch.

#227

⇓

But none of this matters to me, okay?

#228

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'Cause today is inspection day.

#229

⇓

A day that I pride myself on, a day that I've never failed on,

#230

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and I don't plan to begin failing now,

#231

⇓

so listen to me and listen close, like you've never done before.

#232

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We are going to pull this thing off, so help me God.

#233

⇓

Oh, son of a bitch.

#234

⇓

Okay, here we go. Here's the plan.

#235

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Dee, Frank, come with me. I want you guys to set up

#236

⇓

a table and chair in the alleyway, all right?

#237

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This guy's gonna be dining in our patio area.

#238

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Dee, take his order, make him think it's a real restaurant.

#239

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Frank, as soon as you're done, haul ass down the alleyway,

#240

⇓

move the guy's truck.

#241

⇓

All right, I need you guys to take down the Carmine sign.

#242

⇓

I can't have it up when the inspector gets here, all right?

#243

⇓

- And get me a steak off the truck, okay? - Gladly.

#244

⇓

All right, I'm gonna show this guy to his table. Here we go.

#245

⇓

Oh, hey, right on time!

#246

⇓

Here's my guy. You know what? Don't even bother unloading,

#247

⇓

'cause I'm gonna have my guys handle it, okay?

#248

⇓

- You sure? - For sure.

#249

⇓

- The keys are in the truck, right? - Yeah, they're...

#250

⇓

All right, come on in. Let's go have a bite to eat.

#251

⇓

I know you're a hungry guy.

#252

⇓

Oh, it's a nice spot.

#253

⇓

Yeah, it is.

#254

⇓

We can't complain.

#255

⇓

See all these booths here? They're nice.

#256

⇓

And we got a patio area.

#257

⇓

I think you're gonna enjoy sitting there.

#258

⇓

You know what? A booth is fine.

#259

⇓

Oh, no, look, we got these old stools and old booths,

#260

⇓

but the patio area is something special.

#261

⇓

You're a top-shelf customer, right?

#262

⇓

You want to be having the top-shelf experience. And here we go.

#263

⇓

Welcome! Please, make yourself comfortable.

#264

⇓

Yeah, have a seat and, uh, enjoy the patio.

#265

⇓

Uh, this is an alley. I think I'd rather just sit inside.

#266

⇓

Spends all day in a truck and he wants to eat indoors!

#267

⇓

Hey, the man needs fresh air!

#268

⇓

- Dee, take his order. - Yes, what can I get you?

#269

⇓

Okay, here we go. Okay, here we go.

#270

⇓

Okay. Here we go.

#271

⇓

Mac! Steaks! Steaks!

#272

⇓

All right, back on this!

#273

⇓

I need you to be the face in the bar.

#274

⇓

I accept that responsibility.

#275

⇓

Frank, go, go! Okay, here's my guy, right on time.

#276

⇓

Come on, now, buddy, here we go.

#277

⇓

Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, who's this?

#278

⇓

No, no, ma'am, ma'am, I'm sorry, you can't park here.

#279

⇓

- Are you the owner? - Yeah, Charlie Kelly. Who's asking?

#280

⇓

I'm, uh, Sandy Lawler. I'm with the City Board of Health.

#281

⇓

I'll be conducting an impromptu inspection of your bar.

#282

⇓

Okay, what happened to Alan?

#283

⇓

Alan was let go on account of his leniency.

#284

⇓

- Shall we begin? - Okay. Uh, sure.

#285

⇓

All right, let's get going. Right in here.

#286

⇓

This is our, uh, bartender over here.

#287

⇓

All right, all right. All right.

#288

⇓

He's a bit of a character. Where would you like to begin?

#289

⇓

Let's begin with the bathrooms.

#290

⇓

Okay, that's fine.

#291

⇓

Come on in this way.

#292

⇓

I assume all the toilets are in working order.

#293

⇓

Oh, absolutely.

#294

⇓

I wouldn't bother checking.

#295

⇓

I think I will.

#296

⇓

You're standing awfully close to me.

#297

⇓

Sorry about that. Yeah.

#298

⇓

Do I smell cheese?

#299

⇓

I'm gonna leave you to it. You do your thing, okay?

#300

⇓

Dennis, heads up.

#301

⇓

- What are these? - Car keys. Picked her pocket.

#302

⇓

Move her car so Frank can pull the truck up.

#303

⇓

Dee, hold up. Put this on the furnace. Cook it up good.

#304

⇓

- Oh, no, he wants a turkey burger. - What? Why?

#305

⇓

- I don't know. I offered it to him. - Why would you do that?

#306

⇓

You said pretend we're a restaurant,

#307

⇓

he looked like a turkey burger guy.

#308

⇓

A turkey burger kind of guy?

#309

⇓

Oh, my God, Dee, just put it on the furnace, okay, cook it up.

#310

⇓

Tell him you got the order wrong, just tell him you got the thing wrong.

#311

⇓

What a stupid bitch. What a stupid bitch she is.

#312

⇓

Okay.

#313

⇓

Dude, what's the plan with the chickens?

#314

⇓

Okay, everything's going in the vent, all right?

#315

⇓

Chickens, cages, they're all going in the vent.

#316

⇓

First, count to 30, and start moaning into it.

#317

⇓

- Why? - Dude, just do it.

#318

⇓

Don't ask questions, just moan in the vent,

#319

⇓

after a few moans say, "I'm sorry."

#320

⇓

- You got it? - Sure, yeah.

#321

⇓

- Twenty-nine, 28, 27... Okay? - 26, 25...

#322

⇓

Twenty-four, 23, 22, 21, 20...

#323

⇓

Nineteen, 18, 17,

#324

⇓

sixteen, 15, 14, 13,

#325

⇓

twelve, 11, ten, nine...

#326

⇓

And how are we looking in here?

#327

⇓

It's acceptable so far.

#328

⇓

Okay.

#329

⇓

- You hear that? - I guess somebody's in there.

#330

⇓

It sounds like there's somebody in there. Let's take a peek.

#331

⇓

Buddy, how about a courtesy cough or something next time?

#332

⇓

- I'm sorry. - Don't be sorry, you know?

#333

⇓

Just, uh, give us all a heads-up you're in here,

#334

⇓

save us all the embarrassment.

#335

⇓

Some people, they got, like, no sort of social boundaries

#336

⇓

or anything like that.

#337

⇓

It's really kind of an awkward thing. Did you meet our bartender?

#338

⇓

Hey! All right, all right, all right.

#339

⇓

That's right, I think I introduced you to him.

#340

⇓

- Want to check out the women's bathroom? - Yeah.

#341

⇓

Women's bathroom, I assure you, is spotless.

#342

⇓

Well, we'll see.

#343

⇓

No, we actually hardly ever have women in here, so...

#344

⇓

But we're not being graded on that. All right, in you go, in you go.

#345

⇓

Go ahead and take a... Move your bowels if you have to.

#346

⇓

Back office, okay?

#347

⇓

Chickens, vents, everything's going in the vents, so get in the back. Go, go!

#348

⇓

The furnace cooked it way too fast, it's charred to shit.

#349

⇓

- It doesn't matter. - It doesn't matter?

#350

⇓

I'm gonna give him the wrong order and hand him a burned-up steak?

#351

⇓

- He's gonna be pissed. - Dee, this guy's not grading our bar,

#352

⇓

I don't care if he has the worst dining experience of his life.

#353

⇓

Go give him the burned steak. Okay, how's this...

#354

⇓

How am I gonna get all these steaks off the truck?

#355

⇓

You don't have to get 'em all, okay?

#356

⇓

We'll contaminate a couple, then we're gonna put

#357

⇓

- the chickens onto the truck. - Why?

#358

⇓

We're gonna contaminate the truck,

#359

⇓

we're gonna contaminate the whole truck, all right?

#360

⇓

That goes to the keg room, and for the love of God, find a shirt!

#361

⇓

Find a shirt, Frank! All right, okay, okay.

#362

⇓

Ah, okay.

#363

⇓

Come on, come on, come on.

#364

⇓

- Okay. Nice. - Done.

#365

⇓

Well done! Okay! Up top! All right, okay,

#366

⇓

here's the plan, got to go to the third stall vents in the bathroom.

#367

⇓

Chickens are coming out there. Everything goes to the keg room, right?

#368

⇓

Start rubbing chickens on steaks, seal them up good.

#369

⇓

And then put everything on the truck, chickens,

#370

⇓

- steaks, everything on the truck! - Got it, got it, got it.

#371

⇓

We're contaminating the truck, guys, let's go!

#372

⇓

What is this? What are you doing?

#373

⇓

- I'm painting a shirt! - No! All right,

#374

⇓

just, uh, get out of sight! Or go to the keg room, hide out.

#375

⇓

I'm gonna send Dee to you in a minute, all right?

#376

⇓

In fact, just keep painting, that's fine, but go in the keg room.

#377

⇓

Oh, my God, what an idiot.

#378

⇓

Hi. Oh, hi, hello.

#379

⇓

I'm sorry, is there a problem out here?

#380

⇓

He's making a big stink about the steak.

#381

⇓

The steak is burned to shit. It's not even what I ordered.

#382

⇓

Would you look at that? Aw, man, I'll tell you what.

#383

⇓

I'm gonna give you a beer on the house, come on inside.

#384

⇓

- Oh, how nice! - No, I'll just take it here.

#385

⇓

No, actually we don't have our outdoor liquor license,

#386

⇓

so I got to have you drink it inside. In you go!

#387

⇓

This is the worst restaurant I've ever been to.

#388

⇓

Terribly sorry, sir, terribly sorry.

#389

⇓

- That's not good! - What are you talking about?

#390

⇓

It's great! Thinks we're a real restaurant.

#391

⇓

Okay, Dee, table, chairs, everything's going in the Dumpster, all right?

#392

⇓

And then please push it, like, another couple inches from the door,

#393

⇓

- it doesn't look like six feet to me. - What? Of course it does.

#394

⇓

No. It looks like five and a half.

#395

⇓

You think she's gonna notice six inches?

#396

⇓

You move the goddamn dumpster, you bitch, okay?

#397

⇓

Then haul ass down the alleyway.

#398

⇓

Okay. Hi!

#399

⇓

Hi! How'd it go in there?

#400

⇓

Uh, fine, I suppose.

#401

⇓

Everything checks out.

#402

⇓

- Hello. - Hello.

#403

⇓

Lots of customers.

#404

⇓

We're a bustling business, so why don't you head on out to the alleyway

#405

⇓

and see if there's anything there that needs inspecting.

#406

⇓

- And, ooh, sir, whoa, whoa! Sorry. - No, no, no!

#407

⇓

I'm gonna need you to drink that in our VIP lounge area.

#408

⇓

- I just want to drink it here. - Oh, come on!

#409

⇓

A very important customer like yourself

#410

⇓

sitting on a bar with the regulars?

#411

⇓

I think you're gonna enjoy the exclusivity of the lounge area,

#412

⇓

- so just enjoy that. - It's not a lounge area...

#413

⇓

Hey, all right, all right, all right!

#414

⇓

- Why are you doing that to me? - I don't know.

#415

⇓

Okay, I don't need you to do that to me, all right?

#416

⇓

Just go, go, yeah, you gotta finish the job!

#417

⇓

How'd it go with the dumpster? You move it?

#418

⇓

- Huh? Yes. - Okay, here's the plan.

#419

⇓

Give this to Frank. Tell him G-sharp.

#420

⇓

- Then you paint him head to toe in black. - Why would I do any of that?

#421

⇓

Dee, just do it, okay? Just do it, you goddamn bitch.

#422

⇓

You bitch! Stop questioning everything!

#423

⇓

Oh, that goddamn bitch. Oh, that goddamn bitch!

#424

⇓

Oh, my God, she's gonna ruin it all.

#425

⇓

And how are we out here?

#426

⇓

- Everything will be in the report. - Yeah, sure.

#427

⇓

Mind if I head behind the bar?

#428

⇓

No! Sure! That's not an issue.

#429

⇓

Yeah, come check out the bar.

#430

⇓

You know, the bar is sort of the lifeblood of a bar.

#431

⇓

I said bar, bar twice! And, oh, you know what?

#432

⇓

There's drainage pipes down there that I don't want you to check.

#433

⇓

"Drainage pipes?" I'm sorry, Mr. Kelly.

#434

⇓

- I have to check it out. - If you gotta do it, you gotta do it.

#435

⇓

Now... You know, but...

#436

⇓

I mean, I know that they're a little wet, they get damp and...

#437

⇓

Actually, they look pretty good.

#438

⇓

Oh, all right, that's great.

#439

⇓

Uh, so one last thing.

#440

⇓

I suppose I want to show the blender here, for our mixing up frozen drinks or...

#441

⇓

I don't need to see that.

#442

⇓

Turn it up higher?

#443

⇓

- I don't really need to... - No, that's not a good idea,

#444

⇓

but here we go... See?

#445

⇓

Yeah, we blew the power.

#446

⇓

It's not really environmentally safe to turn it up that high,

#447

⇓

that's why never really do it. I should dock you for that one.

#448

⇓

I'm not gonna.

#449

⇓

That's a joke. I'd love to show you our packaging machine

#450

⇓

I keep in the keg room. Here, come take a peek here.

#451

⇓

Look at all this. Look at all of this!

#452

⇓

Oh, my! This is...

#453

⇓

A bit excessive? Yes, I know, but I'm a little anal

#454

⇓

when it comes to securing the perishables.

#455

⇓

You know, I just don't want anything to get rotten,

#456

⇓

and that's about as good as it gets.

#457

⇓

You're not the only one with standards around here.

#458

⇓

So come on down to the basement and you can check this out.

#459

⇓

So, watch your step on the stairs here.

#460

⇓

Wouldn't want you to trip on any old paint cans or anything,

#461

⇓

but hopefully everything here, has been properly painted

#462

⇓

and put where it's supposed to be.

#463

⇓

- You know what I'm saying? - No, I don't.

#464

⇓

- Where's the carbon monoxide detector? - Carbon monoxide detector!

#465

⇓

So you reach up there

#466

⇓

and you give that a poke and everything should...

#467

⇓

Great and... Oh!

#468

⇓

- Twice, okay. - Excellent.

#469

⇓

That was excellent.

#470

⇓

Uh, I'm feeling a little light-headed.

#471

⇓

Could it be the stairs?

#472

⇓

Or, you know, maybe you're just dizzy by the cleanliness.

#473

⇓

- So let's get you out of here. - What?

#474

⇓

No sense in lingering around. You checked the carbon monoxide

#475

⇓

and that's all you got to do there, okay, let's see.

#476

⇓

I think we covered everything.

#477

⇓

I mean, uh, doorknob? That works.

#478

⇓

Showed you all the packaged produce.

#479

⇓

Hey, did you meet our bartender?

#480

⇓

- All right, all right. - We're not paying for contaminated steaks!

#481

⇓

Your entire truck is filled with chickens!

#482

⇓

You want me to return 4,000 steaks? This restaurant is insane.

#483

⇓

"Restaurant?"

#484

⇓

If you count a bowl of peanuts.

#485

⇓

We get the drunks in here, they get all ornery and confused.

#486

⇓

What are you gonna do? It comes with the territory.

#487

⇓

Well, I'd love to spend a little bit more time in here...

#488

⇓

That's about it.

#489

⇓

- That's it? - Yeah.

#490

⇓

- Oh... - Hey!

#491

⇓

Yes? Are you talking to me?

#492

⇓

Yeah.

#493

⇓

What is it?

#494

⇓

All right, all right, all right.

#495

⇓

Yes. Okay.

#496

⇓

You know, all right, all right, all right.

#497

⇓

Kind of says it all. So, here we go.

#498

⇓

Last thing, Sandy.

#499

⇓

Is this concrete regulation?

#500

⇓

I know there's some cracks and...

#501

⇓

It looks fine. But I'll tell you what's not fine, Mr. Kelly,

#502

⇓

and that's the dumpster.

#503

⇓

The regulation is exactly six feet,

#504

⇓

and you were at five and a half.

#505

⇓

Oh, that goddamn bitch.

#506

⇓

I know Alan would let this slide, but I'm not Alan.

#507

⇓

I'll have to dock you for that.

#508

⇓

Okay, I understand, and I assure you that those responsible,

#509

⇓

- they'll be dealt with. - However, you do have

#510

⇓

an amazingly clean bar, and therefore I'm giving Paddy's Pub

#511

⇓

the highest possible grade.

#512

⇓

- You are? - Congrats.

#513

⇓

Oh, my... You got me with the whole dumpster thing!

#514

⇓

Oh, man, that's really, really exciting stuff!

#515

⇓

Oh, well... It's just really fantastic.

#516

⇓

That was nice. Have a wonderful day.

#517

⇓

Okay.

#518

⇓

Okay.

#519

⇓

Guys, we got the highest grade!

#520

⇓

I didn't think we were gonna do it

#521

⇓

'cause of the dumpster, but, man, she got us the highest grade!

#522

⇓

- The highest grade of... - The health inspection!

#523

⇓

We passed the health inspection!

#524

⇓

Boo!

#525

⇓

We don't give a shit about that.

#526

⇓

Yeah, we were excited about the airline miles thing.

#527

⇓

That's cool, but the health inspection was the whole thing, man!

#528

⇓

I pulled it off! It was like, "Here goes there!"

#529

⇓

- I did the whole thing. - Uh, Charlie, come on.

#530

⇓

We always pass, okay?

#531

⇓

We never have a hard time passing.

#532

⇓

Nobody gives a shit. You didn't do anything that special.

#533

⇓

That's how you make a joke stool right there! That's...

#534

⇓

- Ow, Charlie! - Did you do that?

#535

⇓

You know what? I think I did.

#536

⇓

You did? That's so funny!

#537

⇓

- Are you kidding me? - I thought I saw you!

#538

⇓

Are you kidding? Unbelievable.

#539

⇓