Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S09E05 — Mac Day

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 9, Episode 5 — Mac Day

A reading from the Holy Bible.

#1

⇓

Genesis, chapter one.

#2

⇓

"God created the heaven and the Earth,

#3

⇓

"and the Earth was without form and void,

#4

⇓

"and darkness was upon the face of the deep…"

#5

⇓

Hey, buddy, do we have to be kneeling this entire time?

#6

⇓

Yeah, this is not comfortable.

#7

⇓

Yes, you need to be kneeling.

#8

⇓

It's 11:58, and Mac Day's about to officially start.

#9

⇓

I want there to be ceremony.

#10

⇓

Are we gonna be in the dark the whole time?

#11

⇓

My goodness, this is a lot of complaining.

#12

⇓

Charlie, can you please remind everyone of the rules?

#13

⇓

We are about to officially begin Mac Day.

#14

⇓

For the entirety of this day,

#15

⇓

we will forced to do everything Mac wants us to do.

#16

⇓

And if anyone is caught complaining?

#17

⇓

An extra day is added to Mac Day.

#18

⇓

If you cannot resist the urge to complain,

#19

⇓

you are allowed one scream a day into the ceremonial screaming pillow.

#20

⇓

That's right. Charlie, when it was your day,

#21

⇓

did I complain about searching for goblins for 10 hours straight?

#22

⇓

Well, ghouls, and, no, you didn't complain,

#23

⇓

'cause we found three. It was pretty sweet.

#24

⇓

We found none.

#25

⇓

We found no ghouls, we found no goblins, we found no gremlins,

#26

⇓

because they don't exist.

#27

⇓

Well…

#28

⇓

Guys, this whole thing was meant to bring us closer together,

#29

⇓

and by the end of it,

#30

⇓

you're gonna feel a little bit closer to me,

#31

⇓

and if I've done my job right, a little bit closer to God.

#32

⇓

Because I've modeled my day after the seven days of God's creation,

#33

⇓

making my one day feel like an entire week.

#34

⇓

- Oh! - Come on, man. Really?

#35

⇓

Three, two, one, begin!

#36

⇓

On the first day, God said, "Let there be…

#37

⇓

"…Mac."

#38

⇓

Seven straight hours of lecturing?

#39

⇓

Yeah, and five hours alone

#40

⇓

dedicated to the evils of homosexuality… From him?

#41

⇓

Did anyone else notice that he had an erection the entire time?

#42

⇓

- Of course. - How could you miss it?

#43

⇓

I mean, it was, like, shooting…

#44

⇓

Shh, shh, shh! Here he comes.

#45

⇓

Okay, guys, I want to introduce a new theme to the day.

#46

⇓

So I'd like to infuse the religious angle with the theme of badass.

#47

⇓

I quote once again from Genesis.

#48

⇓

"And God said, 'Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters,

#49

⇓

"'and let it divide the waters from the waters.'

#50

⇓

"And God made the firmament and divided the waters

#51

⇓

"which were under the firmament

#52

⇓

"from the waters which were above the firmament.

#53

⇓

"And it was so."

#54

⇓

There you have it.

#55

⇓

There we have what?

#56

⇓

Uh, the what… What are you saying?

#57

⇓

It's water.

#58

⇓

I'm saying "water," 'cause it said water, like, eight times.

#59

⇓

So, it's water. That's what the whole thing is, water.

#60

⇓

Water what?

#61

⇓

Water and badass, badass and water.

#62

⇓

- Ah. - Yes!

#63

⇓

We're doing a Project Badass video over the Schuylkill River.

#64

⇓

- Yes! Yes! - Ah!

#65

⇓

All right! Hey!

#66

⇓

Do you guys hear the motorcycle?

#67

⇓

I have another special surprise.

#68

⇓

We will be joined by my cousin all day!

#69

⇓

Your cousin?

#70

⇓

Yeah, my cousin from the country.

#71

⇓

I haven't seen him in, like, forever, but, guys, trust me.

#72

⇓

He's, like, the second biggest badass I know,

#73

⇓

so it's gonna be awesome.

#74

⇓

Country Mac coming to the big city.

#75

⇓

Country Mac!

#76

⇓

Hey, City Mac!

#77

⇓

Holy shit, there's two of them.

#78

⇓

Okay, I think I like this framing.

#79

⇓

I don't even know what it is you want us to do.

#80

⇓

Well, I'm gonna jump from the Strawberry Mansion Bridge.

#81

⇓

- What? - Yes!

#82

⇓

What do you mean, "from it"? To the water?

#83

⇓

- What? - Yeah, I'm gonna jump

#84

⇓

from the top of the bridge to the water.

#85

⇓

Okay, I need you to act like concerned citizens,

#86

⇓

but I need this to feel real, okay, guys?

#87

⇓

So, I need you to be neutral about the jumper

#88

⇓

prior to the jump, 'cause you don't know me.

#89

⇓

You don't know this man.

#90

⇓

But I need you to react at the same time

#91

⇓

because I need to draw the jump in later

#92

⇓

to match your reaction.

#93

⇓

You lost me there. What do you mean, "Draw the jump"?

#94

⇓

You're not jumping?

#95

⇓

No, I'm not gonna jump. Of course I wouldn't jump.

#96

⇓

I draw it in later because it's like a post effect.

#97

⇓

Well, what's badass about that?

#98

⇓

Your reaction is badass, you know?

#99

⇓

I want you to scream, "Badass! You know, "That dude is badass!

#100

⇓

"I've never seen anything as badass as that." You know?

#101

⇓

But don't say my name, 'cause you don't know this man.

#102

⇓

That's why it feels real, you know?

#103

⇓

Now, later, if you want to do, like, a Rudy-type situation

#104

⇓

where you carry me through the streets of Philadelphia,

#105

⇓

- you know, that's cool. - We won't.

#106

⇓

I can put that in the schedule.

#107

⇓

It's not a post effect?

#108

⇓

No, that's a practical effect, that would happen real,

#109

⇓

but only if it's organic, you know?

#110

⇓

- I'm lost. I'm lost. - This is a goddamn mess.

#111

⇓

This whole thing's a goddamn mess.

#112

⇓

You're not gonna be badass, but you're gonna…

#113

⇓

This is all sounding a little bit like a complaint from you guys.

#114

⇓

Who's complaining? We don't know what's going on!

#115

⇓

We don't know you.

#116

⇓

Mac! Mac! Mac!

#117

⇓

Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac!

#118

⇓

Badass! Badass! Badass!

#119

⇓

Badass! Badass!

#120

⇓

All right, Country Mac, let's do…

#121

⇓

- Keep it going. Keep it going. - All right.

#122

⇓

Let's do this! Let's do this!

#123

⇓

It's pretty high, it's good. It's excellent, it's gonna be great.

#124

⇓

You better jump quick before somebody tries to stop you.

#125

⇓

Trust me, no one's gonna try and stop me.

#126

⇓

Jump, asshole!

#127

⇓

Yep. See, in the big city, nobody cares whether you live or die.

#128

⇓

Jump, you pussy!

#129

⇓

All right, have a nice day.

#130

⇓

Okay, so I'm gonna run to the end, book as fast as I can to the fence,

#131

⇓

climb up to the top, stop, climb back down to safety.

#132

⇓

That's it.

#133

⇓

So, you're not gonna jump?

#134

⇓

I don't jump. Why does everybody think I jump?

#135

⇓

Nobody jumps. Evel Knievel didn't jump.

#136

⇓

Johnny Knoxville doesn't jump.

#137

⇓

Okay, this is big Hollywood stuff, okay?

#138

⇓

Just stand back. I don't want you to get hurt.

#139

⇓

Let me handle it.

#140

⇓

Oh, wow!

#141

⇓

Oh, there's a man standing on the bridge.

#142

⇓

- What? - Yes, he looks like…

#143

⇓

- Look at that. - His name is Mac.

#144

⇓

- No, we don't know his name. - We don't know it.

#145

⇓

His name is Rudy, I believe, you guys.

#146

⇓

That's what it was, Rudy.

#147

⇓

We don't know what his name is,

#148

⇓

and that's okay, but we don't know each other.

#149

⇓

- Hi. - How are you?

#150

⇓

Nice to meet you.

#151

⇓

But it looks like he may commit suicide.

#152

⇓

- Ah! - Oh!

#153

⇓

Suicide is badass.

#154

⇓

No, no, no, no, Rudy's not trying to kill himself.

#155

⇓

We don't know his name.

#156

⇓

He just likes to jump, I guess.

#157

⇓

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

#158

⇓

Mac is the one who's the badass, remember that.

#159

⇓

No, we don't… Will you stop, stop, stop?

#160

⇓

Everybody stop. Come on, guys.

#161

⇓

What are we doing?

#162

⇓

- I don't know. - We gotta get on the same page.

#163

⇓

It's so unclear. He gave us, like…

#164

⇓

Maybe just you talk.

#165

⇓

Well, whatever it is, we got to get on the same page.

#166

⇓

Otherwise, we're gonna have to do it over and over and over…

#167

⇓

- Did someone just go plop? - Someone just jumped. Someone jumped.

#168

⇓

He jumped! He jumped, guys! He jumped!

#169

⇓

The day's over, the day's over.

#170

⇓

Country Mac is gone, he's dead. Let's get out of here.

#171

⇓

- Look! Look, look, look! - What? What? Oh.

#172

⇓

- Whoa! - Oh, holy shit!

#173

⇓

- Oh, my God! - Oh, wow! Wow!

#174

⇓

Well, how'd that look?

#175

⇓

- Oh, amazing! All right! - Great!

#176

⇓

- How did it look? - How'd it look?

#177

⇓

- It looked badass, dude. - It looked badass.

#178

⇓

I cannot believe you jumped. Whoa!

#179

⇓

No, that's not really badass, guys. That's dangerous.

#180

⇓

Um, can we put him on our shoulders and parade him around like Rudy?

#181

⇓

- I'm feeling that now. - I want to do that.

#182

⇓

Yeah, yeah…

#183

⇓

No, no, no, no, no,

#184

⇓

I don't think that's gonna work anymore.

#185

⇓

That's not gonna fit into our schedule, you know?

#186

⇓

It was your idea.

#187

⇓

No, we're very full. We're very full now.

#188

⇓

This is not gonna play.

#189

⇓

We're gonna move on to day four now.

#190

⇓

Well, wait, wait, wait, wait. You skipped day three.

#191

⇓

Uh, day three is when God created trees and grass and nature.

#192

⇓

You know, kind of a bullshit day,

#193

⇓

so we're gonna move on to day four where God created the stars.

#194

⇓

If you look at the Orion constellation and then track across to the Big Dipper,

#195

⇓

you'll see a gaseous, cloud-like area.

#196

⇓

Okay, I'm gonna need you guys

#197

⇓

to go ahead and ignore everything that this clown is saying.

#198

⇓

God created the stars 5,000 years ago.

#199

⇓

Uh, who has the pillow? I need the pillow.

#200

⇓

I thought of a way

#201

⇓

that we can work day three into this experience.

#202

⇓

No, we're on day four.

#203

⇓

And, besides, there's no trees or herbs in the planetarium.

#204

⇓

- But there's herb. - Hmm?

#205

⇓

Who wants to smoke a J?

#206

⇓

Oh, shit. You brought weed?

#207

⇓

No, no, no, we're not smoking weed, okay?

#208

⇓

It's still illegal in the state of Pennsylvania.

#209

⇓

- Puff, puff, pass, bitches. - Yeah.

#210

⇓

Yeah, come on, Mac, shut up. I thought you were a badass.

#211

⇓

There's nothing badass about breaking the law, Charlie.

#212

⇓

This is gonna make it way more fun, dude.

#213

⇓

This isn't about fun.

#214

⇓

It's about fearing God, okay?

#215

⇓

I'm trying to convert you guys.

#216

⇓

Oh, my God, is that what this is about?

#217

⇓

You're not gonna convert me in one day.

#218

⇓

I don't believe in God.

#219

⇓

Well, you should.

#220

⇓

Because if you don't, God will make a flood or a famine, okay?

#221

⇓

He will destroy you with tornadoes and earthquakes and AIDS.

#222

⇓

Where do you think AIDS came from?

#223

⇓

Uh, hello, God's gift to the gays.

#224

⇓

You're gonna ruin this high, dude.

#225

⇓

Mac, I think you're a little confused there.

#226

⇓

I mean, yeah, sure, bad things do happen.

#227

⇓

But what about sunsets?

#228

⇓

Oh… Yeah.

#229

⇓

French kisses.

#230

⇓

- Oh… - The smell of rain.

#231

⇓

Yeah.

#232

⇓

That's why I believe in God.

#233

⇓

Yeah.

#234

⇓

Not because of the things that he takes away from us,

#235

⇓

but because of the things that he gives to us.

#236

⇓

- Oh… dude. - Shit, dude.

#237

⇓

You just ripped a hole in my mind.

#238

⇓

See, that's the God… I like that.

#239

⇓

I'm choosing that one.

#240

⇓

Excuse me, who's talking back there?

#241

⇓

Shut up, science bitch.

#242

⇓

Yeah. Yeah, shut up, science bitch!

#243

⇓

- Aw, dude, dude, dude. - Come on, man.

#244

⇓

He just said it. He just said it.

#245

⇓

He just did it.

#246

⇓

Oh. What the hell?

#247

⇓

Carbs-wise, this is gonna set me back, but I don't even give a shit.

#248

⇓

Yes.

#249

⇓

Country Mac's awesome.

#250

⇓

- Yes. - Yeah.

#251

⇓

This weed that he gave us is awesome.

#252

⇓

It's…

#253

⇓

- Yes. - Yeah.

#254

⇓

All these years I've been feeling like I hate karate.

#255

⇓

And, like, I hate Project Badass and, like…

#256

⇓

I hate God.

#257

⇓

Yes.

#258

⇓

But, like, I realize…

#259

⇓

You know what I really hate?

#260

⇓

Is Mac.

#261

⇓

Yes.

#262

⇓

Like, he's made all those cool things suck.

#263

⇓

Not only is he, like, ruining my life,

#264

⇓

but with all this God shit that he's into,

#265

⇓

he could be ruining my afterlife.

#266

⇓

Yes.

#267

⇓

I thought that one was gonna…

#268

⇓

Let me try.

#269

⇓

So…

#270

⇓

Yeah, I get that.

#271

⇓

Okay, I feel like we got a little bit off the rails back there,

#272

⇓

but I'm ready to get back on.

#273

⇓

Did you guys see the way Country Mac was riding his motorcycle?

#274

⇓

Badass, dude!

#275

⇓

No, it was reckless once again.

#276

⇓

I thought it was awesome!

#277

⇓

He was like Batman, just zipping through the cars.

#278

⇓

- Totally. - He beat us here by, like, an hour.

#279

⇓

Oh, I want to get a motorcycle, man.

#280

⇓

Dude, we should all get motorcycles!

#281

⇓

Okay, that's enough!

#282

⇓

Enough about Country Mac. It's still my day.

#283

⇓

- Yeah. - Thank you.

#284

⇓

"On the fifth day, God made fish,"

#285

⇓

so we'll just skip right past that.

#286

⇓

Yeah, we'll skip that. You're skipping a lot of days, dude.

#287

⇓

Well, you can't fit it all into one day. That's preposterous.

#288

⇓

You're the one who came up with the structure,

#289

⇓

so that's preposterous.

#290

⇓

All right, "On the sixth day,

#291

⇓

"God created the beasts of the Earth

#292

⇓

"and he made man in his own image.

#293

⇓

"And beholdeth the image of

#294

⇓

"God."

#295

⇓

Oh, shit.

#296

⇓

Okay, everybody grab some grease.

#297

⇓

Why?

#298

⇓

Because we're gonna grease up these beefcakes.

#299

⇓

- No! No! Come on! No! - Easy, Frank.

#300

⇓

Frank, you better take it easy!

#301

⇓

Listen! These guys work off

#302

⇓

their beautiful glutes for our enjoyment, okay?

#303

⇓

The least we can do is pay them back in tan and grease.

#304

⇓

- Greasing dudes. - Yep.

#305

⇓

- That's why we're here today. - I ain't doing this!

#306

⇓

About time you guys got here.

#307

⇓

- Hey, there you are. - Country Mac, man. Hey, bro.

#308

⇓

Listen, dude, can you get us out of here?

#309

⇓

Yeah, you got to get us out of here, man.

#310

⇓

Get out of here? I'm lovin' it.

#311

⇓

I've been gettin' phone numbers left and right.

#312

⇓

Oh, sweet, there's chicks here?

#313

⇓

Chicks? No.

#314

⇓

Dudes.

#315

⇓

I'm into dudes.

#316

⇓

Oh… You're gay.

#317

⇓

Loud and proud, brother. Loud and proud.

#318

⇓

Yeah, ain't nothing wrong with that.

#319

⇓

There's nothing wrong with that.

#320

⇓

Honestly, it's, like, refreshing to hear.

#321

⇓

You know what? Happy hunting, bro, get after it.

#322

⇓

- Cool, cool, cool. - Good luck.

#323

⇓

I'll see you all in a little bit.

#324

⇓

Cool, yeah, yeah.

#325

⇓

See, he doesn't want us to grease them, you know?

#326

⇓

- God, that's awesome. - Because he wants them.

#327

⇓

Right. He wants them for himself.

#328

⇓

It's so much more comfortable

#329

⇓

- when someone's gay and open about it. - It's fantastic.

#330

⇓

And, like, I know we've never said this as a group, but…

#331

⇓

- Mac's gay. - Mac's gay.

#332

⇓

- He's gay. - He's gay.

#333

⇓

- I mean… Okay, smiles. - Hey! Hey!

#334

⇓

What's with all the chit-chat?

#335

⇓

Legs and hammies are drying up by the second.

#336

⇓

We got stoned and we're uncomfortable.

#337

⇓

We're trying to deal with the whole thing.

#338

⇓

You guys need to start greasing some dudes or I'm gonna freak out, all right?

#339

⇓

I'm gonna freak out, and I'm gonna add another day!

#340

⇓

No, no. We'll grease, we'll grease, we'll grease.

#341

⇓

We're ready to grease. Give me the grease.

#342

⇓

We'll grease the dudes and…

#343

⇓

Okay, that's what I like to hear.

#344

⇓

But don't blow your wads on these guys, okay?

#345

⇓

I mean…

#346

⇓

We still have the karate tournament.

#347

⇓

We're gonna watch you fight?

#348

⇓

Fight? No.

#349

⇓

No, day seven is God's day of rest and judgment.

#350

⇓

So I'm gonna sit back and watch and judge

#351

⇓

everybody else in the tournament.

#352

⇓

Hey, Mac. I'm drying up over here.

#353

⇓

Sorry, Big Moe. Sorry about that.

#354

⇓

I'll be right there. Get to work. Get to work.

#355

⇓

Come on. Yeah, okay.

#356

⇓

- All right. - Yeah.

#357

⇓

- All right, bud. - He's got the boner again.

#358

⇓

Yeah. Yeah.

#359

⇓

Well, at least this time it makes sense, huh?

#360

⇓

All right, listen.

#361

⇓

I got an idea.

#362

⇓

Ooh, I don't know about this.

#363

⇓

This doesn't feel right.

#364

⇓

No, this is good. This is gonna be good for him.

#365

⇓

I promise. This is the only way.

#366

⇓

- Oh! - Hey.

#367

⇓

I got you guys all notebooks and pens.

#368

⇓

We're gonna start with the yellow belts 'cause it's an inferior class.

#369

⇓

Actually, we've got a surprise for you, Mac.

#370

⇓

Yeah. We signed you up. You're competing.

#371

⇓

Huh?

#372

⇓

You're gonna go fight a guy. A black belt actually.

#373

⇓

You're in the tournament.

#374

⇓

No, no, I, I don't think that's a good idea.

#375

⇓

Mostly because I don't have the right gear, and I'm not…

#376

⇓

- You're wearing a gi. - You are wearing a gi.

#377

⇓

- Yeah, that is the gear. - That's the only gear.

#378

⇓

I notice you're also wearing a black belt.

#379

⇓

Now, you are a black belt, correct?

#380

⇓

Um, not technically.

#381

⇓

Um, only because I haven't subscribed to one

#382

⇓

discipline.

#383

⇓

But you are good enough to fight in a black belt tournament.

#384

⇓

- 'Cause you're wearing a black belt. - Of course.

#385

⇓

Shit, Mac, you can do it. Just go right for the guy's throat.

#386

⇓

I know I can do it. That's not the…

#387

⇓

I feel like you're talking a lot throughout the day.

#388

⇓

I know I can do it.

#389

⇓

So if you can do it, then do it.

#390

⇓

I'll sign up if Mac doesn't want to.

#391

⇓

I'm gonna do it. I said I was…

#392

⇓

I was never not gonna do it.

#393

⇓

- I'm excited. - Yeah.

#394

⇓

I'm, I'm really excited to see this, man.

#395

⇓

You are gonna kick that guy's ass, whoever he is.

#396

⇓

- This is cruel. - Oof.

#397

⇓

I can't watch it, you know?

#398

⇓

Trust me, this is for his own good.

#399

⇓

If he doesn't face this now, he never will.

#400

⇓

Yeah, it's too bad,

#401

⇓

but he's got to get his ass kicked.

#402

⇓

Yep. It's time for this to end.

#403

⇓

Hi.

#404

⇓

Okay, now bow.

#405

⇓

- Not to me, Karate Kid, to him. - Oh.

#406

⇓

- Bow. - Bow.

#407

⇓

Ready. Fight!

#408

⇓

Block, point, Mac!

#409

⇓

Shit.

#410

⇓

Guys, did you see that? I got a point! I got a point!

#411

⇓

No!

#412

⇓

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

#413

⇓

That was badass!

#414

⇓

He kicked the shit out of that guy!

#415

⇓

Well, I got the actual point. Did you see that?

#416

⇓

Who cares? You lost. Country Mac won.

#417

⇓

Yeah, but it's about the art, okay?

#418

⇓

Oh, the art.

#419

⇓

You got your ass kicked, that's what happened.

#420

⇓

I scored an actual point in an actual karate tournament

#421

⇓

and against an actual black belt.

#422

⇓

Country Mac beat the shit out of that guy with a beer and his T-shirt.

#423

⇓

Yeah, and where is he always getting those beers, man?

#424

⇓

That's the most badass thing I've ever seen.

#425

⇓

Out of the blue, he gets a beer.

#426

⇓

No, it's years of training finally paying off,

#427

⇓

and an uncontested black belt point is

#428

⇓

the most badass…

#429

⇓

We're never gonna hear the end of this.

#430

⇓

Stop, stop! Hold on a second, Mac.

#431

⇓

No, no. Listen, you got your ass kicked today,

#432

⇓

that's what happened, plain and simple.

#433

⇓

- So I want you to admit it. - Dennis, don't.

#434

⇓

The day's almost over. We only have a couple of hours.

#435

⇓

No, no, no, Dee, we have a lifetime of this to look forward to,

#436

⇓

and I for one can't stand it.

#437

⇓

You are not a badass, pal. Admit it to us right now.

#438

⇓

Get on your knees!

#439

⇓

- Get on your knees! - You are not a badass!

#440

⇓

- I have a lecture. - Oh, my God!

#441

⇓

Hey, what's wrong with you, guy?

#442

⇓

You got a problem?

#443

⇓

You got the problem, asshole.

#444

⇓

Look out!

#445

⇓

Shit.

#446

⇓

You bring a knife to a fight,

#447

⇓

you better be ready to use it, you jabroni.

#448

⇓

Just don't come back here, you punks.

#449

⇓

Aw, you made him look like a bitch!

#450

⇓

- Holy shit. - Nice.

#451

⇓

- Oh, you are badass, dude. - Very nice.

#452

⇓

How'd you know he had a knife on him?

#453

⇓

I gave him an ocular pat-down. Assessed the threat level.

#454

⇓

Clocked a knife in his boot.

#455

⇓

Oh, my God!

#456

⇓

Guys, I may have had a little bit of an accident in my pants,

#457

⇓

so I think I got to change out of this gi.

#458

⇓

He just gave that guy an ocular pat-down,

#459

⇓

- and it actually worked. - It worked.

#460

⇓

He made a lucky guess, and he put us all in danger.

#461

⇓

You made a poopy in your pants!

#462

⇓

Did anybody else do a poopoo in their pants?

#463

⇓

- No. Of course not. - This is our head of security!

#464

⇓

I don't need to listen to this, okay?

#465

⇓

I'm gonna change out of this gi,

#466

⇓

and then we're gonna keep going with the day, okay?

#467

⇓

I have a series of lectures that we're gonna get to.

#468

⇓

Go get the poop out of your pants.

#469

⇓

I can't wait for the lectures. Goddamn, man.

#470

⇓

The guy is in complete denial about absolutely every aspect of his life.

#471

⇓

And there is nothing we can do about it.

#472

⇓

- I say we switch him out. - Huh?

#473

⇓

Country Mac for Paddy's Mac.

#474

⇓

We send Mac to the country, bring Country Mac here.

#475

⇓

- Yeah, to the bar. - That's not a bad idea.

#476

⇓

I mean, look, we'd be safer with an actual badass in the bar.

#477

⇓

We might actually become a little bit more badass ourselves.

#478

⇓

We would become more like Country Mac, which'd be great.

#479

⇓

We have a lot to learn from him. We should all get motorcycles.

#480

⇓

And drink much more beer.

#481

⇓

And smoke more weed, you guys.

#482

⇓

And get in fights and do all those things.

#483

⇓

- Can we make this happen before he… - Let's talk to him.

#484

⇓

Hey, um… Hey, Country Mac,

#485

⇓

can we just talk to you for one quick second, buddy?

#486

⇓

Um, listen, we were just talking

#487

⇓

and, man, we sure would like for you to stay with us.

#488

⇓

I mean, like, stay with us forever.

#489

⇓

Will you be part of our gang?

#490

⇓

Yep.

#491

⇓

Uh… Just "yep"? Just, like… That's it?

#492

⇓

You're not gonna give a speech or lecture us or anything like that?

#493

⇓

No bossiness?

#494

⇓

No pontificating?

#495

⇓

It's not my style.

#496

⇓

I just go with the flow.

#497

⇓

Let the wind blow through my hair.

#498

⇓

- Yeah. - Oh.

#499

⇓

- Oh, wow. - I love that guy.

#500

⇓

Aw, look at him go.

#501

⇓

- Really badass. - Where's he even going?

#502

⇓

I mean, the fact that we don't know where he's going

#503

⇓

makes him all the more badass.

#504

⇓

- Uh-oh. Whoops. - Whoopsie.

#505

⇓

- He fell, huh? - Tipped over a little bit.

#506

⇓

Ooh.

#507

⇓

He's probably okay, though, right?

#508

⇓

Well, yeah, he just popped over.

#509

⇓

A little, little bump.

#510

⇓

He's fine. He's good, he's good, he's good, he's good.

#511

⇓

Country Mac lived a reckless life.

#512

⇓

He wasn't the kind of guy

#513

⇓

that could score a point in a black belt karate contest.

#514

⇓

And it turns out, he was totally queer.

#515

⇓

Which, as we all know, is a sin.

#516

⇓

And that, coupled with his radical religious beliefs,

#517

⇓

has most likely landed him in Hell,

#518

⇓

where he will burn for all eternity.

#519

⇓

Oh, wow.

#520

⇓

So I will ask for a moment of silence,

#521

⇓

in which I will beg God's forgiveness

#522

⇓

for Country Mac's evil, homo ways,

#523

⇓

while simultaneously doing a series of karate moves

#524

⇓

that I know Country Mac would've enjoyed so much.

#525

⇓

Well, guys, I think the real lesson here is that

#526

⇓

there's nothing badass about riding a motorcycle without a helmet.

#527

⇓

Right.

#528

⇓

- Plus, he was drunk all the time. - Yeah.

#529

⇓

You know what's badass? Being alive.

#530

⇓

Yeah. So, uh, what do we do about this guy?

#531

⇓

Namaste. Namaste.

#532

⇓

Okay, we will now pile into the car,

#533

⇓

where we will go to the countryside to leave Country Mac's ashes

#534

⇓

in a place that he loved so well.

#535

⇓

Actually, we won't.

#536

⇓

Because it's officially Frank Day, so…

#537

⇓

All right, Pee Country Mac.

#538

⇓