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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S09E05 — Mac Day

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 9, Episode 5 — Mac Day

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: Mac Day

Air date: October 02, 2013

Director: Richie Keen

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

Everyone in the gang gets a day to do what they want while everyone else in the gang must participate willingly. This is Mac's Day... and its got twice the "Mac".

Source: TMDB

↓

A reading from the Holy Bible.

bible holy reading

↓

Genesis, chapter one.

chapter

↓

"God created the heaven and the Earth,

created earth heaven

↓

"and the Earth was without form and void,

earth form void

↓

"and darkness was upon the face of the deep…"

darkness deep face

↓

Hey, buddy, do we have to be kneeling this entire time?

buddy entire

↓

Yeah, this is not comfortable.

comfortable

↓

Yes, you need to be kneeling.

↓

It's 11:58, and Mac Day's about to officially start.

days officially start

↓

I want there to be ceremony.

ceremony

↓

Are we gonna be in the dark the whole time?

dark whole

↓

My goodness, this is a lot of complaining.

complaining goodness

↓

Charlie, can you please remind everyone of the rules?

charlie remind rules

↓

We are about to officially begin Mac Day.

begin officially

↓

For the entirety of this day,

entirety

↓

we will forced to do everything Mac wants us to do.

forced wants

↓

And if anyone is caught complaining?

caught complaining

↓

An extra day is added to Mac Day.

added extra

↓

If you cannot resist the urge to complain,

cannot cannot-resist complain resist urge

↓

you are allowed one scream a day into the ceremonial screaming pillow.

allowed ceremonial pillow scream screaming

↓

That's right. Charlie, when it was your day,

charlie

↓

did I complain about searching for goblins for 10 hours straight?

complain goblins hours searching straight

↓

Well, ghouls, and, no, you didn't complain,

complain ghouls

↓

'cause we found three. It was pretty sweet.

found sweet three

↓

We found none.

found

↓

We found no ghouls, we found no goblins, we found no gremlins,

found ghouls goblins

↓

because they don't exist.

exist

↓

Well…

↓

Guys, this whole thing was meant to bring us closer together,

bring closer meant whole

↓

and by the end of it,

↓

you're gonna feel a little bit closer to me,

closer

↓

and if I've done my job right, a little bit closer to God.

closer

↓

Because I've modeled my day after the seven days of God's creation,

creation days gods modeled seven seven-days

↓

making my one day feel like an entire week.

entire week

↓

- Oh! - Come on, man. Really?

↓

Three, two, one, begin!

begin three

↓

On the first day, God said, "Let there be…

↓

"…Mac."

↓

Seven straight hours of lecturing?

hours seven straight

↓

Yeah, and five hours alone

alone five five-hours hours

↓

dedicated to the evils of homosexuality… From him?

dedicated homosexuality

↓

Did anyone else notice that he had an erection the entire time?

entire erection notice

↓

- Of course. - How could you miss it?

course miss

↓

I mean, it was, like, shooting…

shooting

↓

Shh, shh, shh! Here he comes.

comes

↓

Okay, guys, I want to introduce a new theme to the day.

introduce theme

↓

So I'd like to infuse the religious angle with the theme of badass.

angle badass religious theme

↓

I quote once again from Genesis.

quote

↓

"And God said, 'Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters,

midst waters

↓

"'and let it divide the waters from the waters.'

divide waters

↓

"And God made the firmament and divided the waters

divided waters

↓

"which were under the firmament

↓

"from the waters which were above the firmament.

waters

↓

"And it was so."

↓

There you have it.

↓

There we have what?

↓

Uh, the what… What are you saying?

↓

It's water.

water

↓

I'm saying "water," 'cause it said water, like, eight times.

eight eight-times times water

↓

So, it's water. That's what the whole thing is, water.

water whole

↓

Water what?

water

↓

Water and badass, badass and water.

badass water

↓

- Ah. - Yes!

↓

We're doing a Project Badass video over the Schuylkill River.

badass project river video

↓

- Yes! Yes! - Ah!

↓

All right! Hey!

↓

Do you guys hear the motorcycle?

motorcycle

↓

I have another special surprise.

another special surprise

↓

We will be joined by my cousin all day!

cousin joined

↓

Your cousin?

cousin

↓

Yeah, my cousin from the country.

country cousin

↓

I haven't seen him in, like, forever, but, guys, trust me.

forever seen trust

↓

He's, like, the second biggest badass I know,

badass biggest second

↓

so it's gonna be awesome.

awesome

↓

Country Mac coming to the big city.

city coming country

↓

Country Mac!

country

↓

Hey, City Mac!

city

↓

Holy shit, there's two of them.

holy

↓

Okay, I think I like this framing.

↓

I don't even know what it is you want us to do.

↓

Well, I'm gonna jump from the Strawberry Mansion Bridge.

bridge jump mansion strawberry

↓

- What? - Yes!

↓

What do you mean, "from it"? To the water?

water

↓

- What? - Yeah, I'm gonna jump

jump

↓

from the top of the bridge to the water.

bridge water

↓

Okay, I need you to act like concerned citizens,

citizens concerned

↓

but I need this to feel real, okay, guys?

real

↓

So, I need you to be neutral about the jumper

jumper neutral

↓

prior to the jump, 'cause you don't know me.

jump

↓

You don't know this man.

↓

But I need you to react at the same time

react

↓

because I need to draw the jump in later

draw jump

↓

to match your reaction.

match reaction

↓

You lost me there. What do you mean, "Draw the jump"?

draw jump lost

↓

You're not jumping?

jumping

↓

No, I'm not gonna jump. Of course I wouldn't jump.

course jump

↓

I draw it in later because it's like a post effect.

draw effect post

↓

Well, what's badass about that?

badass

↓

Your reaction is badass, you know?

badass reaction

↓

I want you to scream, "Badass! You know, "That dude is badass!

badass scream

↓

"I've never seen anything as badass as that." You know?

badass seen

↓

But don't say my name, 'cause you don't know this man.

name

↓

That's why it feels real, you know?

feels real

↓

Now, later, if you want to do, like, a Rudy-type situation

rudy situation type type-situation

↓

where you carry me through the streets of Philadelphia,

carry philadelphia streets

↓

- you know, that's cool. - We won't.

cool

↓

I can put that in the schedule.

schedule

↓

It's not a post effect?

effect post

↓

No, that's a practical effect, that would happen real,

effect happen practical real

↓

but only if it's organic, you know?

organic

↓

- I'm lost. I'm lost. - This is a goddamn mess.

goddamn lost mess

↓

This whole thing's a goddamn mess.

goddamn mess whole

↓

You're not gonna be badass, but you're gonna…

badass

↓

This is all sounding a little bit like a complaint from you guys.

complaint sounding

↓

Who's complaining? We don't know what's going on!

complaining

↓

We don't know you.

↓

Mac! Mac! Mac!

↓

Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac!

↓

Badass! Badass! Badass!

badass

↓

Badass! Badass!

badass

↓

All right, Country Mac, let's do…

country

↓

- Keep it going. Keep it going. - All right.

↓

Let's do this! Let's do this!

↓

It's pretty high, it's good. It's excellent, it's gonna be great.

excellent

↓

You better jump quick before somebody tries to stop you.

jump quick somebody tries

↓

Trust me, no one's gonna try and stop me.

ones trust

↓

Jump, asshole!

asshole jump

↓

Yep. See, in the big city, nobody cares whether you live or die.

cares city live nobody nobody-cares whether

↓

Jump, you pussy!

jump pussy

↓

All right, have a nice day.

↓

Okay, so I'm gonna run to the end, book as fast as I can to the fence,

book fast fence

↓

climb up to the top, stop, climb back down to safety.

climb safety

↓

That's it.

↓

So, you're not gonna jump?

jump

↓

I don't jump. Why does everybody think I jump?

everybody jump

↓

Nobody jumps. Evel Knievel didn't jump.

evel evel-knievel jump jumps knievel nobody

↓

Johnny Knoxville doesn't jump.

johnny jump

↓

Okay, this is big Hollywood stuff, okay?

hollywood stuff

↓

Just stand back. I don't want you to get hurt.

hurt stand

↓

Let me handle it.

handle

↓

Oh, wow!

↓

Oh, there's a man standing on the bridge.

bridge standing

↓

- What? - Yes, he looks like…

↓

- Look at that. - His name is Mac.

name

↓

- No, we don't know his name. - We don't know it.

name

↓

His name is Rudy, I believe, you guys.

believe name rudy

↓

That's what it was, Rudy.

rudy

↓

We don't know what his name is,

name

↓

and that's okay, but we don't know each other.

↓

- Hi. - How are you?

↓

Nice to meet you.

meet

↓

But it looks like he may commit suicide.

commit commit-suicide suicide

↓

- Ah! - Oh!

↓

Suicide is badass.

badass suicide

↓

No, no, no, no, Rudy's not trying to kill himself.

kill

↓

We don't know his name.

name

↓

He just likes to jump, I guess.

jump likes

↓

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

↓

Mac is the one who's the badass, remember that.

badass remember

↓

No, we don't… Will you stop, stop, stop?

↓

Everybody stop. Come on, guys.

everybody

↓

What are we doing?

↓

- I don't know. - We gotta get on the same page.

page

↓

It's so unclear. He gave us, like…

unclear

↓

Maybe just you talk.

↓

Well, whatever it is, we got to get on the same page.

page

↓

Otherwise, we're gonna have to do it over and over and over…

otherwise

↓

- Did someone just go plop? - Someone just jumped. Someone jumped.

jumped plop

↓

He jumped! He jumped, guys! He jumped!

jumped

↓

The day's over, the day's over.

days

↓

Country Mac is gone, he's dead. Let's get out of here.

country dead gone

↓

- Look! Look, look, look! - What? What? Oh.

↓

- Whoa! - Oh, holy shit!

holy whoa

↓

- Oh, my God! - Oh, wow! Wow!

↓

Well, how'd that look?

howd

↓

- Oh, amazing! All right! - Great!

amazing

↓

- How did it look? - How'd it look?

howd

↓

- It looked badass, dude. - It looked badass.

badass looked

↓

I cannot believe you jumped. Whoa!

believe cannot cannot-believe jumped whoa

↓

No, that's not really badass, guys. That's dangerous.

badass dangerous

↓

Um, can we put him on our shoulders and parade him around like Rudy?

parade rudy shoulders

↓

- I'm feeling that now. - I want to do that.

feeling

↓

Yeah, yeah…

↓

No, no, no, no, no,

↓

I don't think that's gonna work anymore.

anymore

↓

That's not gonna fit into our schedule, you know?

schedule

↓

It was your idea.

idea

↓

No, we're very full. We're very full now.

full

↓

This is not gonna play.

↓

We're gonna move on to day four now.

four

↓

Well, wait, wait, wait, wait. You skipped day three.

skipped three

↓

Uh, day three is when God created trees and grass and nature.

created grass nature three trees

↓

You know, kind of a bullshit day,

bullshit

↓

so we're gonna move on to day four where God created the stars.

created four stars

↓

If you look at the Orion constellation and then track across to the Big Dipper,

constellation orion track

↓

you'll see a gaseous, cloud-like area.

area cloud

↓

Okay, I'm gonna need you guys

↓

to go ahead and ignore everything that this clown is saying.

ahead clown go-ahead ignore

↓

God created the stars 5,000 years ago.

created stars years

↓

Uh, who has the pillow? I need the pillow.

pillow

↓

I thought of a way

↓

that we can work day three into this experience.

experience three

↓

No, we're on day four.

four

↓

And, besides, there's no trees or herbs in the planetarium.

besides herbs planetarium trees

↓

- But there's herb. - Hmm?

herb

↓

Who wants to smoke a J?

smoke wants

↓

Oh, shit. You brought weed?

brought weed

↓

No, no, no, we're not smoking weed, okay?

smoking weed

↓

It's still illegal in the state of Pennsylvania.

illegal pennsylvania state

↓

- Puff, puff, pass, bitches. - Yeah.

bitches pass puff

↓

Yeah, come on, Mac, shut up. I thought you were a badass.

badass

↓

There's nothing badass about breaking the law, Charlie.

badass breaking charlie

↓

This is gonna make it way more fun, dude.

fun

↓

This isn't about fun.

fun

↓

It's about fearing God, okay?

↓

I'm trying to convert you guys.

convert

↓

Oh, my God, is that what this is about?

↓

You're not gonna convert me in one day.

convert

↓

I don't believe in God.

believe

↓

Well, you should.

↓

Because if you don't, God will make a flood or a famine, okay?

flood

↓

He will destroy you with tornadoes and earthquakes and AIDS.

aids destroy

↓

Where do you think AIDS came from?

aids

↓

Uh, hello, God's gift to the gays.

gays gift gods

↓

You're gonna ruin this high, dude.

ruin

↓

Mac, I think you're a little confused there.

confused

↓

I mean, yeah, sure, bad things do happen.

happen

↓

But what about sunsets?

↓

Oh… Yeah.

↓

French kisses.

french kisses

↓

- Oh… - The smell of rain.

rain smell

↓

Yeah.

↓

That's why I believe in God.

believe

↓

Yeah.

↓

Not because of the things that he takes away from us,

takes

↓

but because of the things that he gives to us.

gives

↓

- Oh… dude. - Shit, dude.

↓

You just ripped a hole in my mind.

hole mind ripped

↓

See, that's the God… I like that.

↓

I'm choosing that one.

choosing

↓

Excuse me, who's talking back there?

excuse

↓

Shut up, science bitch.

bitch science

↓

Yeah. Yeah, shut up, science bitch!

bitch science

↓

- Aw, dude, dude, dude. - Come on, man.

↓

He just said it. He just said it.

↓

He just did it.

↓

Oh. What the hell?

↓

Carbs-wise, this is gonna set me back, but I don't even give a shit.

carbs wise

↓

Yes.

↓

Country Mac's awesome.

awesome country macs

↓

- Yes. - Yeah.

↓

This weed that he gave us is awesome.

awesome weed

↓

It's…

↓

- Yes. - Yeah.

↓

All these years I've been feeling like I hate karate.

feeling hate karate years

↓

And, like, I hate Project Badass and, like…

badass hate project

↓

I hate God.

hate

↓

Yes.

↓

But, like, I realize…

realize

↓

You know what I really hate?

hate

↓

Is Mac.

↓

Yes.

↓

Like, he's made all those cool things suck.

cool suck

↓

Not only is he, like, ruining my life,

life ruining

↓

but with all this God shit that he's into,

↓

he could be ruining my afterlife.

afterlife ruining

↓

Yes.

↓

I thought that one was gonna…

↓

Let me try.

↓

So…

↓

Yeah, I get that.

↓

Okay, I feel like we got a little bit off the rails back there,

rails

↓

but I'm ready to get back on.

ready

↓

Did you guys see the way Country Mac was riding his motorcycle?

country motorcycle riding

↓

Badass, dude!

badass

↓

No, it was reckless once again.

reckless

↓

I thought it was awesome!

awesome

↓

He was like Batman, just zipping through the cars.

batman cars

↓

- Totally. - He beat us here by, like, an hour.

beat hour

↓

Oh, I want to get a motorcycle, man.

motorcycle

↓

Dude, we should all get motorcycles!

motorcycles

↓

Okay, that's enough!

↓

Enough about Country Mac. It's still my day.

country

↓

- Yeah. - Thank you.

↓

"On the fifth day, God made fish,"

fifth fish

↓

so we'll just skip right past that.

past skip

↓

Yeah, we'll skip that. You're skipping a lot of days, dude.

days skip skipping

↓

Well, you can't fit it all into one day. That's preposterous.

preposterous

↓

You're the one who came up with the structure,

structure

↓

so that's preposterous.

preposterous

↓

All right, "On the sixth day,

sixth

↓

"God created the beasts of the Earth

beasts created earth

↓

"and he made man in his own image.

image

↓

"And beholdeth the image of

image

↓

"God."

↓

Oh, shit.

↓

Okay, everybody grab some grease.

everybody grab grease

↓

Why?

↓

Because we're gonna grease up these beefcakes.

grease

↓

- No! No! Come on! No! - Easy, Frank.

easy frank

↓

Frank, you better take it easy!

easy frank

↓

Listen! These guys work off

↓

their beautiful glutes for our enjoyment, okay?

enjoyment

↓

The least we can do is pay them back in tan and grease.

grease least

↓

- Greasing dudes. - Yep.

dudes

↓

- That's why we're here today. - I ain't doing this!

aint today

↓

About time you guys got here.

↓

- Hey, there you are. - Country Mac, man. Hey, bro.

country

↓

Listen, dude, can you get us out of here?

↓

Yeah, you got to get us out of here, man.

↓

Get out of here? I'm lovin' it.

lovin

↓

I've been gettin' phone numbers left and right.

gettin left numbers phone phone-numbers

↓

Oh, sweet, there's chicks here?

chicks sweet

↓

Chicks? No.

chicks

↓

Dudes.

dudes

↓

I'm into dudes.

dudes

↓

Oh… You're gay.

↓

Loud and proud, brother. Loud and proud.

brother loud proud

↓

Yeah, ain't nothing wrong with that.

aint

↓

There's nothing wrong with that.

↓

Honestly, it's, like, refreshing to hear.

refreshing

↓

You know what? Happy hunting, bro, get after it.

happy hunting

↓

- Cool, cool, cool. - Good luck.

cool cool-cool cool-cool-cool luck

↓

I'll see you all in a little bit.

↓

Cool, yeah, yeah.

cool

↓

See, he doesn't want us to grease them, you know?

grease

↓

- God, that's awesome. - Because he wants them.

awesome wants

↓

Right. He wants them for himself.

wants

↓

It's so much more comfortable

comfortable

↓

- when someone's gay and open about it. - It's fantastic.

fantastic open someones

↓

And, like, I know we've never said this as a group, but…

group

↓

- Mac's gay. - Mac's gay.

macs

↓

- He's gay. - He's gay.

↓

- I mean… Okay, smiles. - Hey! Hey!

smiles

↓

What's with all the chit-chat?

chat chit

↓

Legs and hammies are drying up by the second.

drying legs second

↓

We got stoned and we're uncomfortable.

stoned uncomfortable

↓

We're trying to deal with the whole thing.

deal whole

↓

You guys need to start greasing some dudes or I'm gonna freak out, all right?

dudes freak start

↓

I'm gonna freak out, and I'm gonna add another day!

another freak

↓

No, no. We'll grease, we'll grease, we'll grease.

grease

↓

We're ready to grease. Give me the grease.

grease ready

↓

We'll grease the dudes and…

dudes grease

↓

Okay, that's what I like to hear.

↓

But don't blow your wads on these guys, okay?

blow

↓

I mean…

↓

We still have the karate tournament.

karate tournament

↓

We're gonna watch you fight?

fight watch

↓

Fight? No.

fight

↓

No, day seven is God's day of rest and judgment.

gods judgment rest seven

↓

So I'm gonna sit back and watch and judge

judge watch

↓

everybody else in the tournament.

everybody tournament

↓

Hey, Mac. I'm drying up over here.

drying

↓

Sorry, Big Moe. Sorry about that.

↓

I'll be right there. Get to work. Get to work.

↓

Come on. Yeah, okay.

↓

- All right. - Yeah.

↓

- All right, bud. - He's got the boner again.

boner

↓

Yeah. Yeah.

↓

Well, at least this time it makes sense, huh?

least makes makes-sense sense

↓

All right, listen.

↓

I got an idea.

idea

↓

Ooh, I don't know about this.

↓

This doesn't feel right.

↓

No, this is good. This is gonna be good for him.

↓

I promise. This is the only way.

promise

↓

- Oh! - Hey.

↓

I got you guys all notebooks and pens.

pens

↓

We're gonna start with the yellow belts 'cause it's an inferior class.

belts class start yellow

↓

Actually, we've got a surprise for you, Mac.

surprise

↓

Yeah. We signed you up. You're competing.

competing signed

↓

Huh?

↓

You're gonna go fight a guy. A black belt actually.

belt black black-belt fight

↓

You're in the tournament.

tournament

↓

No, no, I, I don't think that's a good idea.

idea

↓

Mostly because I don't have the right gear, and I'm not…

gear mostly

↓

- You're wearing a gi. - You are wearing a gi.

wearing

↓

- Yeah, that is the gear. - That's the only gear.

gear

↓

I notice you're also wearing a black belt.

belt black black-belt notice wearing

↓

Now, you are a black belt, correct?

belt black black-belt correct

↓

Um, not technically.

technically

↓

Um, only because I haven't subscribed to one

↓

discipline.

discipline

↓

But you are good enough to fight in a black belt tournament.

belt black black-belt fight tournament

↓

- 'Cause you're wearing a black belt. - Of course.

belt black black-belt course wearing

↓

Shit, Mac, you can do it. Just go right for the guy's throat.

throat

↓

I know I can do it. That's not the…

↓

I feel like you're talking a lot throughout the day.

throughout

↓

I know I can do it.

↓

So if you can do it, then do it.

↓

I'll sign up if Mac doesn't want to.

sign

↓

I'm gonna do it. I said I was…

↓

I was never not gonna do it.

↓

- I'm excited. - Yeah.

excited

↓

I'm, I'm really excited to see this, man.

excited

↓

You are gonna kick that guy's ass, whoever he is.

kick

↓

- This is cruel. - Oof.

cruel

↓

I can't watch it, you know?

watch

↓

Trust me, this is for his own good.

trust

↓

If he doesn't face this now, he never will.

face

↓

Yeah, it's too bad,

↓

but he's got to get his ass kicked.

kicked

↓

Yep. It's time for this to end.

↓

Hi.

↓

Okay, now bow.

↓

- Not to me, Karate Kid, to him. - Oh.

karate

↓

- Bow. - Bow.

↓

Ready. Fight!

fight ready

↓

Block, point, Mac!

block point

↓

Shit.

↓

Guys, did you see that? I got a point! I got a point!

point

↓

No!

↓

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

That was badass!

badass

↓

He kicked the shit out of that guy!

kicked

↓

Well, I got the actual point. Did you see that?

actual point

↓

Who cares? You lost. Country Mac won.

cares country lost

↓

Yeah, but it's about the art, okay?

↓

Oh, the art.

↓

You got your ass kicked, that's what happened.

happened kicked

↓

I scored an actual point in an actual karate tournament

actual karate point scored tournament

↓

and against an actual black belt.

actual belt black black-belt

↓

Country Mac beat the shit out of that guy with a beer and his T-shirt.

beat beer country shirt

↓

Yeah, and where is he always getting those beers, man?

beers

↓

That's the most badass thing I've ever seen.

badass seen

↓

Out of the blue, he gets a beer.

beer blue

↓

No, it's years of training finally paying off,

finally paying training years

↓

and an uncontested black belt point is

belt black black-belt point

↓

the most badass…

badass

↓

We're never gonna hear the end of this.

↓

Stop, stop! Hold on a second, Mac.

second

↓

No, no. Listen, you got your ass kicked today,

kicked today

↓

that's what happened, plain and simple.

happened plain simple

↓

- So I want you to admit it. - Dennis, don't.

admit dennis

↓

The day's almost over. We only have a couple of hours.

couple days hours

↓

No, no, no, Dee, we have a lifetime of this to look forward to,

forward lifetime

↓

and I for one can't stand it.

stand

↓

You are not a badass, pal. Admit it to us right now.

admit badass

↓

Get on your knees!

knees

↓

- Get on your knees! - You are not a badass!

badass knees

↓

- I have a lecture. - Oh, my God!

lecture

↓

Hey, what's wrong with you, guy?

↓

You got a problem?

problem

↓

You got the problem, asshole.

asshole problem

↓

Look out!

↓

Shit.

↓

You bring a knife to a fight,

bring fight knife

↓

you better be ready to use it, you jabroni.

jabroni ready

↓

Just don't come back here, you punks.

punks

↓

Aw, you made him look like a bitch!

bitch

↓

- Holy shit. - Nice.

holy

↓

- Oh, you are badass, dude. - Very nice.

badass

↓

How'd you know he had a knife on him?

howd knife

↓

I gave him an ocular pat-down. Assessed the threat level.

level ocular threat

↓

Clocked a knife in his boot.

boot knife

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

Guys, I may have had a little bit of an accident in my pants,

accident pants

↓

so I think I got to change out of this gi.

change

↓

He just gave that guy an ocular pat-down,

ocular

↓

- and it actually worked. - It worked.

worked

↓

He made a lucky guess, and he put us all in danger.

danger lucky

↓

You made a poopy in your pants!

pants poopy

↓

Did anybody else do a poopoo in their pants?

anybody pants

↓

- No. Of course not. - This is our head of security!

course head security

↓

I don't need to listen to this, okay?

↓

I'm gonna change out of this gi,

change

↓

and then we're gonna keep going with the day, okay?

↓

I have a series of lectures that we're gonna get to.

lectures series

↓

Go get the poop out of your pants.

pants poop

↓

I can't wait for the lectures. Goddamn, man.

goddamn lectures

↓

The guy is in complete denial about absolutely every aspect of his life.

absolutely aspect complete denial life

↓

And there is nothing we can do about it.

↓

- I say we switch him out. - Huh?

switch

↓

Country Mac for Paddy's Mac.

country paddys

↓

We send Mac to the country, bring Country Mac here.

bring country send

↓

- Yeah, to the bar. - That's not a bad idea.

idea

↓

I mean, look, we'd be safer with an actual badass in the bar.

actual badass safer

↓

We might actually become a little bit more badass ourselves.

badass become might

↓

We would become more like Country Mac, which'd be great.

become country

↓

We have a lot to learn from him. We should all get motorcycles.

learn motorcycles

↓

And drink much more beer.

beer drink

↓

And smoke more weed, you guys.

smoke weed

↓

And get in fights and do all those things.

fights

↓

- Can we make this happen before he… - Let's talk to him.

happen

↓

Hey, um… Hey, Country Mac,

country

↓

can we just talk to you for one quick second, buddy?

buddy quick quick-second second

↓

Um, listen, we were just talking

↓

and, man, we sure would like for you to stay with us.

↓

I mean, like, stay with us forever.

forever

↓

Will you be part of our gang?

gang part

↓

Yep.

↓

Uh… Just "yep"? Just, like… That's it?

↓

You're not gonna give a speech or lecture us or anything like that?

lecture speech

↓

No bossiness?

↓

No pontificating?

↓

It's not my style.

style

↓

I just go with the flow.

flow

↓

Let the wind blow through my hair.

blow hair wind

↓

- Yeah. - Oh.

↓

- Oh, wow. - I love that guy.

love

↓

Aw, look at him go.

↓

- Really badass. - Where's he even going?

badass

↓

I mean, the fact that we don't know where he's going

fact

↓

makes him all the more badass.

badass makes

↓

- Uh-oh. Whoops. - Whoopsie.

whoops whoopsie

↓

- He fell, huh? - Tipped over a little bit.

fell tipped

↓

Ooh.

↓

He's probably okay, though, right?

↓

Well, yeah, he just popped over.

popped

↓

A little, little bump.

bump

↓

He's fine. He's good, he's good, he's good, he's good.

↓

Country Mac lived a reckless life.

country life lived reckless

↓

He wasn't the kind of guy

↓

that could score a point in a black belt karate contest.

belt black black-belt contest karate point score

↓

And it turns out, he was totally queer.

queer turns

↓

Which, as we all know, is a sin.

↓

And that, coupled with his radical religious beliefs,

beliefs radical religious

↓

has most likely landed him in Hell,

landed likely

↓

where he will burn for all eternity.

burn eternity

↓

Oh, wow.

↓

So I will ask for a moment of silence,

moment silence

↓

in which I will beg God's forgiveness

forgiveness gods

↓

for Country Mac's evil, homo ways,

country evil homo macs ways

↓

while simultaneously doing a series of karate moves

karate moves series simultaneously

↓

that I know Country Mac would've enjoyed so much.

country enjoyed wouldve

↓

Well, guys, I think the real lesson here is that

lesson real

↓

there's nothing badass about riding a motorcycle without a helmet.

badass helmet motorcycle riding

↓

Right.

↓

- Plus, he was drunk all the time. - Yeah.

drunk plus

↓

You know what's badass? Being alive.

alive badass

↓

Yeah. So, uh, what do we do about this guy?

↓

Namaste. Namaste.

↓

Okay, we will now pile into the car,

pile

↓

where we will go to the countryside to leave Country Mac's ashes

ashes country macs

↓

in a place that he loved so well.

loved place

↓

Actually, we won't.

↓

Because it's officially Frank Day, so…

frank officially

↓

All right, Pee Country Mac.

country