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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
» S09E06 — The Gang Saves the Day
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
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Season 9, Episode 6 — The Gang Saves the Day
This place has got the best hot dogs in Philadelphia.
#1
⇓
Once you nosh on these,
#2
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you're not gonna want to eat another hot dog after this.
#3
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Might as well get some snacks while we're here.
#4
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I'm getting a beer.
#5
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Well, don't grab a beer. We're on our way to a bar, which we own.
#6
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- I'm gonna get a beer, too. - Are you serious?
#7
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- Anyone else? - Yeah, I'll have a beer.
#8
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- Of course I want a beer. Yeah. - Don't…
#9
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All right, well, I'm not gonna be the only one
#10
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not drinking beer, so come on.
#11
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Don't move!
#12
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Oh, sh…
#13
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Open the register.
#14
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Open it!
#15
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Oh, shit, oh, God, we're all gonna die.
#16
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Put the money in the bag.
#17
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Do it fast, or I'll blow your brains out!
#18
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What are we gonna do?
#19
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Put the money in the bag.
#20
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Do it fast, or I'll blow your brains out!
#21
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What are we gonna do?
#22
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I will shoot you In the teeth.
#23
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- Okay. I… - Give me the money.
#24
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Hey, bozo.
#25
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Walk away now, and I let you live.
#26
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Or stick around and repent for your sins.
#27
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You better step your ass back.
#28
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- And you better say "cheese." - Huh?
#29
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Crisis averted.
#30
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Holy shit!
#31
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Mac, that was amazing!
#32
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Oh, my God.
#33
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Did you like my "say cheese" line?
#34
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I didn't quite get that, if I'm being honest.
#35
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Yeah, I was a little bit confused by that as well.
#36
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It was a pun, 'cause I flung cheese in his face, you know?
#37
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- No, I got that, but… - Yeah, but that's not really a pun.
#38
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- No. - No, if you…
#39
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If you had taken his photograph,
#40
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- and then you flung cheese in his face… - There it is.
#41
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- That would be a pun. - Yeah, you take a guy's picture,
#42
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- you say, "Say cheese!" - That would've done it.
#43
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Should I go get a camera?
#44
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You know what? Yeah, he's missing the point.
#45
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- It doesn't matter. - Let's get past it.
#46
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What you just did
#47
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- was badass. - Oh, my God.
#48
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Now let's take a look at who this scumbag is.
#49
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Oh, shit.
#50
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Yakuza.
#51
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Go, go!
#52
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- Oh, shit! - Go!
#53
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Oh, my God.
#54
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- Hyah! - Hyoh!
#55
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Mac, watch out!
#56
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Hyah!
#57
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Very impressive.
#58
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Your technique is impeccable.
#59
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Cool off.
#60
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My God, Mac, that was amazing.
#61
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And that's a great pun, dude. You used the pun right!
#62
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- Yeah, you got the pun right, dude. - "Cool off."
#63
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Huh? What pun?
#64
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"Cool off!" And you kicked him in the fridge!
#65
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- He's not getting it, is he? - No, he's not. Forget it.
#66
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What is a pun?
#67
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- You know what, move past it. - I'll take his photograph.
#68
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Hey!
#69
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What the hell is the matter with you?
#70
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Why would you do that?
#71
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I killed the boss.
#72
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That's not the boss, you idiot.
#73
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He's my father! He owns the store!
#74
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Whoops. My bad.
#75
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Now, is your throat okay?
#76
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Is it… Is that from the smoke, or…
#77
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Is that a pun?
#78
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Oh, my God, Mac, no!
#79
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Mac, Mac, listen to me.
#80
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We're sorry for doubting your awesomeness.
#81
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- Yeah. - I can't live without you.
#82
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- Don't die. - Please.
#83
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I…
#84
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Don't…
#85
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Forgive you.
#86
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No!
#87
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No, no…
#88
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I love you!
#89
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I love you!
#90
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God?
#91
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Hello, Mac.
#92
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Those were some pretty sweet moves.
#93
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Thank you, my Lord and Savior.
#94
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Won't you join me?
#95
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Is that seat for me?
#96
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You're goddamn right it is.
#97
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Oh, hey, Rex.
#98
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'Sup, bro?
#99
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So what do we do now?
#100
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Now we ignore everyone's prayers.
#101
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Put the money in the bag.
#102
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Do it fast, or I'll blow your brains out!
#103
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What are we gonna do?
#104
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Damn it, Dee, this is all your fault.
#105
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- What? - It is your fault.
#106
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- It's because of you. - How is this my fault?
#107
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It just is, you stupid bitch.
#108
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Guys, you thinking what I'm thinking?
#109
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- Let's sacrifice her. - What…
#110
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- No… - Sir, sir!
#111
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- Please, take her, take her! - Taker her! Take the girl!
#112
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Have your way with the whore!
#113
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Oh.
#114
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Let me blow these assholes away.
#115
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No, no, wait, wait, wait, please, please!
#116
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Please, don't shoot my friends. Listen, listen to me.
#117
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Just give me the gun, okay?
#118
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We'll work something out.
#119
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Just give me the gun.
#120
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Give it to me.
#121
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There you go.
#122
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- Dee did it! - You saved our lives!
#123
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- You saved the day! - You're the hero.
#124
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I'll see you in hell, boners.
#125
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No witnesses.
#126
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I like your style.
#127
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We should team up. Us ladies need to stick together.
#128
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I tell you what.
#129
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I got your back for life.
#130
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She did it.
#131
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What?
#132
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You bitch!
#133
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You're dead! You hear me?
#134
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Miss Reynolds?
#135
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We need to get you into
#136
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the witness protection program immediately.
#137
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Let me ask.
#138
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Are you good at playing characters?
#139
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Hello, love, I'm your new butler.
#140
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Albert Covington's the name.
#141
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Is your mom about?
#142
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I'm sorry, their mother's no longer with us.
#143
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Oh.
#144
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Well, then, it looks like I've come at the right time.
#145
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Children, your chariot awaits.
#146
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Ah, Miss Sarah,
#147
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ham and cheese, no crust, just the way you like it.
#148
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Ah, ah, ah!
#149
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Who slayed Achilles?
#150
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Uh, Paris, Hector's brother.
#151
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Well done, lad!
#152
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- An extra treat for you. - Yes!
#153
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- Mr. Covington, have you seen my… - Briefcase, sir.
#154
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Oh, Mr. Covington.
#155
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You're the best, Mr. Covington.
#156
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How long are you staying with us?
#157
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Well, Sarah,
#158
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something tells me I'm gonna be here a long time.
#159
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Why is that?
#160
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Your sweater's on backwards.
#161
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Paper plates for dinnerHouse is a mess
#162
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Life for a single parent Is full of stress
#163
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Makes you want to put a gun In your mouth
#164
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Or get real high
#165
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But with a little help
#166
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I think we'll just get by
#167
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By now, everyone knows the remarkable story
#168
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of Dee Reynolds, a government witness
#169
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whose turn as a British butler was so convincing
#170
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that it was spun off into the highest rated sitcom of all time.
#171
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Today she is here to talk with us
#172
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about her upcoming blockbuster Mother Earth.
#173
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Tell us more about it.
#174
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Well, this time I play a very beautiful woman.
#175
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Uh, a warrior princess who saves the world.
#176
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It's already grossed over $900 million in presale tickets,
#177
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but I don't care about that.
#178
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You know, I'm more interested in exploring truth through character.
#179
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- Amazing. - Yes.
#180
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And I understand you've recently become engaged
#181
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to young heartthrob crooner, Josh Groban.
#182
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When I found out that Mr. Covington was actually a chick,
#183
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yeah, I had to have her.
#184
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I mean, look at her.
#185
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She's smart, she's sexy, she's hilarious.
#186
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She pops.
#187
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He likes his ladies to pop.
#188
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That's true, Groban does like his ladies to pop.
#189
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Isn't he cute?
#190
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Sing her that song you wrote for me.
#191
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- Which one? - The one you wrote for me.
#192
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- Oh, God, put me on the spot. - It's great.
#193
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Oh, you're gonna love it!
#194
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She's got blonde hair
#195
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She's perfect in every way
#196
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Feet not too large
#197
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Not too small
#198
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Blonde hair
#199
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She's gorgeous
#200
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Not like a bird
#201
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But like a beautiful woman
#202
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Definitely not like a bird
#203
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Oh.
#204
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I love this man so much.
#205
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Tell you what.
#206
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I've got the feeling
#207
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we're gonna be together a long time.
#208
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That's how babies are made.
#209
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But they didn't stay together a long time,
#210
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their marriage only lasting a shocking 17 minutes
#211
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before Reynolds met a new man
#212
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who she claimed she had to have.
#213
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I'll shoot you in the teeth.
#214
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- Okay! I… I'm going… - Give me the money!
#215
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Put the money in the bag.
#216
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Do it fast, or I'll blow your brains out!
#217
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What are we gonna do?
#218
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Give me the money!
#219
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You're going about this all wrong, friend.
#220
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What the hell do you know?
#221
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More than you think.
#222
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A fisherman always spots another fisherman from afar.
#223
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Hard candy?
#224
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Oh. I…
#225
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I dares it… I dar-dar-dar…
#226
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A crammy hand…
#227
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A crammy handle bit.
#228
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A crammy handle bit aye.
#229
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Der…
#230
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I love you.
#231
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Oh, God!
#232
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I…
#233
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Am…
#234
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God.
#235
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I think he's awake. His eyes keep opening.
#236
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Ah, I don't know, man. He looks weird.
#237
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Can he hear us?
#238
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No way.
#239
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His eggs are scrambled.
#240
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Mr. Reynolds, are you there?
#241
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Blink if you can understand me.
#242
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Where am I?
#243
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You were shot in the head during an armed robbery.
#244
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The bullet narrowly missed your brain stem
#245
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and exited the back of your skull.
#246
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Does… Does my dick work?
#247
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No.
#248
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Your penis does not work.
#249
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Kill me.
#250
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Mr. Reynolds, Mr. Reynolds.
#251
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It's important that you maintain a positive attitude.
#252
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Now, with a lot of hard work
#253
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and the support of your friends…
#254
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Ah, it appears they've left.
#255
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Well, not to worry.
#256
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We have a top-notch rehabilitation staff
#257
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and they're gonna do everything they can
#258
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to improve your quality of life.
#259
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In fact, here comes your nurse now.
#260
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Till now
#261
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I always got by on my own
#262
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I never really cared
#263
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Until I met you
#264
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Hello, Dennis.
#265
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From the Channel Five News weather team.
#266
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Once upon a time, yes.
#267
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But I left that to do something more meaningful with my life.
#268
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Now, what do you say we get you back on your feet?
#269
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The forecast calls for sunshine.
#270
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Come on, come on, come on.
#271
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I can't do it.
#272
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That's it.
#273
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Use your strength. That's right.
#274
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You're so strong.
#275
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That's it. Good.
#276
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- Oh, I'm so proud of you, yes! - Oh, my God!
#277
⇓
Yes!
#278
⇓
Yeah!
#279
⇓
Ah, yes!
#280
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Yes!
#281
⇓
Yes.
#282
⇓
Jackie…
#283
⇓
- I need to tell you something. - Okay.
#284
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I am in love with you!
#285
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She's lucky to be alive.
#286
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She broke her arm, few ribs, punctured a lung,
#287
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shattered her pelvis…
#288
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Compound fractures in both legs.
#289
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Her breasts?
#290
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Excuse me?
#291
⇓
What about her breasts?
#292
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I'm afraid that they were, um…
#293
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Obliterated.
#294
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Believe me, we did everything in our power
#295
⇓
to try to save them, but…
#296
⇓
Now, look, she has a long, difficult road ahead of her,
#297
⇓
but you above all people should know
#298
⇓
that anything is possible.
#299
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She is lucky to have you in her life.
#300
⇓
Could you give us a moment, please?
#301
⇓
Of course.
#302
⇓
I'm walking on sunshine
#303
⇓
Whoa oh
#304
⇓
I'm walking on sunshine
#305
⇓
Whoa oh
#306
⇓
I'm walking on sunshine
#307
⇓
Whoa oh
#308
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Rest easy, my angel.
#309
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Put the money in the bag.
#310
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Do it fast, or I'll blow your brains out!
#311
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What are we gonna do?
#312
⇓
Let's go, buddy. Today!
#313
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Everybody stay calm.
#314
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I'll handle this.
#315
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- What? - No, Frank. Hey, Stop it.
#316
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Frank, don't be…
#317
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- Are you crazy? - Frank, what are you doing?
#318
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Hurry up.
#319
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Move faster, or I'll shoot you in the face.
#320
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In the bag. In the bag.
#321
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I'm gonna shoot you if you don't move faster.
#322
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Let's go.
#323
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I don't have all day. Come on.
#324
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You're surrounded.
#325
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Put your weapon down and come out with your hands up.
#326
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You're gonna have to kill me!
#327
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All right, send in the K-9.
#328
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Oh, get him off me! Goddamn it, no!
#329
⇓
Whoa, easy, puppy.
#330
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All right, the girl's dead,
#331
⇓
but we can still save the others.
#332
⇓
Mmm…
#333
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I will shoot you in the teeth.
#334
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Give me the money.
#335
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Put the money in the bag.
#336
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Do it fast, or I'll blow your brains out!
#337
⇓
Put the money in the bag.
#338
⇓
Do it fast, or I'll blow your brains out!
#339
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Waitress, no!
#340
⇓
You dick!
#341
⇓
Come on!
#342
⇓
Oh, my God, Charlie, that was so brave.
#343
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Anything for you, my love.
#344
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Charlie. What are you doing, dude?
#345
⇓
Huh? Nothing. What are you doing?
#346
⇓
Will you focus? We're in a serious situation here.
#347
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What are we gonna do, you guys?
#348
⇓
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
#349
⇓
Yeah.
#350
⇓
What the… The big bills, underneath.
#351
⇓
Give me the big bills.
#352
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