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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S09E04 — Mac and Dennis Buy a Timeshare

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 9, Episode 4 — Mac and Dennis Buy a Timeshare

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: Mac and Dennis Buy a Timeshare

Air date: September 25, 2013

Director: Dan Attias

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

The gang does their best to recoup their investments in questionable schemes by dumping their losses on Ben the soldier while trying to avoid being duped again by whatever mastermind is pulling their strings.

Source: TMDB

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So sign up for the Invigaron system today,

invigaron invigaron-system sign system today

↓

and take the first steps toward obtaining financialfreedom.

steps

↓

Invigaron, a business opportunity

business business-opportunity invigaron opportunity

↓

as rare as the albani berries themselves.

berries rare

↓

What's happening?

↓

You're, like, a berry salesman now or…

berry salesman

↓

No, I'm a distributor, Charlie,

charlie

↓

for a revolutionary new product that changes lives.

changes lives product

↓

Right. Now explain these to me.

explain

↓

Oh, those are my new wrenches.

↓

I got those free for sitting through a 20-minute presentation.

free minute presentation sitting

↓

Oh, I get it now. It's a scam.

scam

↓

No, no, no, no, no, it's not a scam at all.

scam

↓

I also had reservations in the beginning,

beginning reservations

↓

but these super berries grow in the Andes Mountains, okay?

berries grow mountains super

↓

Alpacas can survive entire winters on this shit.

entire survive winters

↓

- Oh, shit! So it's like a super berry? - Mmm-hmm.

berry super

↓

Now, what kind of superpowers are you talking about?

superpowers

↓

Do you survive the winter?

survive winter

↓

Great question.

question

↓

So is that the only superpower you get, surviving winters?

surviving winters

↓

Because I've survived many winters without these berries.

berries survived winters

↓

No, I think I have an answer for all of this stuff, okay?

answer stuff

↓

Charlie, allow me to demonstrate.

allow charlie demonstrate

↓

You got a thing here.

↓

Come over here and hold on to these.

↓

Now, this machine is gonna measure the level of toxins

level machine measure toxins

↓

in your body caused by stress.

body caused stress

↓

All right. Where do I put my feet?

feet

↓

Wherever you want.

↓

I'm gonna put them on the stool.

stool

↓

Great. It doesn't matter. Okay, here we go.

matter

↓

120, 140,

↓

157.

↓

Oh, shit, Charlie. 157?

charlie

↓

Is that bad?

↓

Yeah, it's not good.

↓

Guys, I got 157.

↓

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 157 what?

↓

Units.

units

↓

Units, dude.

units

↓

Units of what?

units

↓

- Units of stress! - Ah!

stress units

↓

- You're very, very high in your… - That's a lot of units!

units

↓

…in your stress unit.

stress unit

↓

But don't even worry, because Invigaron can help you.

invigaron worry

↓

These berries are chock-full of antioxidants and phytonutrients.

berries chock chock-full full

↓

Oh, thank God. All right, I'm sold. I'm in.

sold

↓

Of course you're buying it, because you're as big of an idiot as she is.

buying course idiot

↓

You're getting scammed, Dee!

scammed

↓

It's not a scam!

scam

↓

You walked into a room that you could have walked out of

room walked

↓

with a free set of golf clubs, but instead you got got.

clubs free golf golf-clubs

↓

Hey, I say we get ourselves a new pair of golf clubs, huh?

clubs golf golf-clubs pair

↓

Yeah, well, we won't get got though.

↓

- We gonna get. - We gonna get.

↓

See, Dee, people like us, we don't get got.

↓

- We go get. - That's right.

↓

- You won't see us getting scammed. - No way.

scammed

↓

Hey-oh! All right, Charlie,

charlie

↓

I signed you up for the gold member starter kit, okay?

gold member signed starter

↓

Good. Yeah.

↓

Yeah. You know what's in here?

↓

Two cases of the juice, four packs of the energy gel.

cases energy four juice packs

↓

Nice.

↓

There's a box of shake mix,

shake

↓

and I think they threw in a bunch of protein…

bunch protein threw

↓

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing, Charlie?

charlie whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

What?

↓

What are you doing?

↓

I'm drinking the berry juice to save my life.

berry drinking juice life save

↓

This is not about berries, all right?

berries

↓

You sell it. This is a whole moneymaking system, okay?

sell system whole

↓

That's what Invigaron is.

invigaron

↓

It's, it's about money, and it's about, you know,

money

↓

"wealth creation through, through

creation wealth

↓

"the use of antioxidants, powerful antioxidants."

powerful

↓

Yeah, uh-huh.

↓

And, you know, we're going to "redefine success

success

↓

"and change the world." You know what?

change world

↓

All those words are, like, stressing me out, Dee.

words

↓

And I can't get more str… I'm at 157!

↓

I'm gonna be honest. I'm a little confused as well.

confused honest

↓

Uh, I don't have a firm grasp on exactly how this…

firm grasp

↓

It's confusing stuff.

confusing stuff

↓

Where the hell is Frank? Where the hell is Frank?

frank

↓

He can help us. He's, like, a business genius.

business genius

↓

I don't know where he is. He didn't come home this morning.

home morning

↓

He took off last night.

night

↓

He said he had some dream or something.

dream

↓

And, like, he woke up, he's like, "Ah, Charlie, I got to

charlie woke

↓

"get to the playground."

playground

↓

He shot out of here.

shot

↓

- Why is he at the playground? - I don't know.

playground

↓

He told me not to come.

↓

Well, we got to go figure it out.

figure

↓

He can help explain all this.

explain

↓

Yeah, he's good with stuff like this. We're not.

stuff

↓

All right, all right, let's do it.

↓

I'm drinking this one though.

drinking

↓

Yeah, but don't open any more.

open

↓

- Frank? - Huh?

frank

↓

- What is this? You're stuck? - Was this your plan?

plan stuck

↓

No.

↓

What is this? How did this happen?

happen

↓

How does anything happen, Charlie? Move past it, will ya?

charlie happen past

↓

I'm afraid that's going to be impossible.

afraid impossible

↓

Yeah. Where are your clothes?

clothes

↓

Why are you naked and stuck in a coil?

coil naked stuck

↓

Just get me out of here.

↓

All right, well, first we should do the thing because…

↓

Yeah. Charlie and I have a couple of business questions

business charlie couple questions

↓

we wanted to ask you first.

wanted

↓

What? Deandra, don't dick around.

deandra dick

↓

Get me out of here!

↓

Look, I'll be quick, okay?

quick

↓

Charlie and I have recently come into a rare business opportunity,

business business-opportunity charlie opportunity rare recently

↓

and we were hoping you could clear a couple of things up for us.

clear couple hoping

↓

Can you look at that?

↓

It's a pyramid scheme.

pyramid pyramid-scheme scheme

↓

It's not a pyramid scheme. It's a reverse funnel system.

funnel pyramid pyramid-scheme reverse scheme system

↓

Turn it upside down.

upside

↓

- Oh, shit! - God damn it! Shit!

↓

All right, you've been duped, suckers.

suckers

↓

You're the sucker.

sucker

↓

You're naked and you're stuck in a coil!

coil naked stuck

↓

All right, calm down, calm down.

calm

↓

Look, Frank is there any way, you know, to get out of one of these schemes?

frank schemes

↓

All right, what you got to do is round up a couple of suckers

couple round suckers

↓

and get 'em hooked.

hooked

↓

Dummies with deep pockets are the best.

best deep dummies pockets

↓

What about Ben the Soldier?

soldier

↓

Well, he's as dumb as you can get.

dumb

↓

- Yeah. - He's dumb as bricks, that guy.

bricks dumb

↓

He's so stupid.

stupid

↓

- All right, let's do it. - All right, cool.

cool

↓

We'll get him, and I'll get, like, a pulley or a rope,

rope

↓

and we'll just yank you out of there or something, all right?

yank

↓

Get me out of here.

↓

Yeah. Hold on, hold on. Charlie, whoa, think about this.

charlie whoa

↓

If we get him out of there,

↓

how do we know he's gonna keep helping us?

helping

↓

Well, what do you mean?

↓

If we get him out of there, he might scam us further.

further might scam

↓

We don't know. He's a business mastermind.

business mastermind

↓

I don't know what he's got going on.

↓

Shit, that's a good point.

point

↓

I mean, what's he doing in that coil, you know what I mean?

coil

↓

He wouldn't say. He could be up to something.

↓

I say we leave him stuck in there just for a few more days

days stuck

↓

so we can leverage him for business advice…

advice business leverage

↓

- Right. We keep him contained. - That's right.

↓

If we need questions, we just go to him.

questions

↓

- That's right. - All right, all right.

↓

Hey, uh, Frank, we'll be back in a couple days to help

couple couple-days days frank

↓

you out, okay, buddy?

buddy

↓

No, no, no, no! Deandra, I don't have a couple of days!

couple days deandra

↓

It's Saturday coming up.

coming saturday

↓

There's gonna be kids here!

kids

↓

Hey, guys.

↓

You here for the presentation? I'm Harris Marder.

harris presentation

↓

Save it, bozo. We're here for the free golf clubs.

bozo clubs free golf golf-clubs save

↓

You got exactly 20 minutes to do your little song and dance.

dance minutes song

↓

We're just gonna tune out, so why don't you give us a wave

tune wave

↓

- when you're finished. - Or don't.

finished

↓

What's the point? I'd just be wasting my time.

point wasting

↓

I mean, obviously, you two are smart.

obviously smart

↓

- 19 minutes and 50 seconds, clown. - Don't get me wrong.

clown minutes seconds

↓

Invigaron is great, but you got to put in the hours.

hours invigaron

↓

You fellows strike me more as men of leisure.

fellows leisure strike

↓

- Obviously. - Well, we are.

obviously

↓

Yeah, I mean, this guy's got the Hawaiian shirt,

hawaiian shirt

↓

you with the killer tan.

killer

↓

Bet it's killing you guys to be stuck indoors on a beautiful day like today.

indoors killing stuck today

↓

It is. So less yapping, more golf clubs please.

clubs golf golf-clubs less yapping

↓

Yeah, I get it.

↓

And you know what?

↓

Because you guys are such great sports,

sports

↓

I'm gonna throw in a coupon for a free round of golf

coupon free golf round throw

↓

at the Dusty Dunes Resort in Orlando.

dusty orlando resort

↓

You guys been to Florida?

florida

↓

Been there? Not physically.

physically

↓

If you want, I can set you up with one of their private villas.

private

↓

Private villa.

private villa

↓

Whatever. That's pretty nice. Look at that.

↓

Oh, it is nice.

↓

Did you know that the average rate for a hotel room 30 years ago was $19?

average hotel hotel-room rate room years

↓

Today it's $237.

today

↓

That's a 1,300% increase.

increase

↓

So it's not inconceivable to think

↓

that in another 30 years, a week at a hotel runs you 20 grand.

another grand hotel runs week years

↓

- That's not inconceivable. - That's…crazy.

crazy

↓

That's very, very conceivable.

↓

Really?

↓

Okay, but not for you guys.

↓

You'll be locked in at $1,400 annually.

locked

↓

Wait. We would be?

↓

Yeah. I'm not talking about taking a vacation, guys.

vacation

↓

I'm talking about owning a vacation.

owning vacation

↓

And, look, if you're still not comfortable with the numbers,

comfortable numbers

↓

you just double down.

double

↓

You get two weeks, sell that second week,

second sell week weeks

↓

boom, you're vacationing for free.

boom free

↓

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

↓

Mac, I think this guy just bent himself over a barrel a little bit.

barrel bent

↓

- He did? - Yeah, for our pleasure.

pleasure

↓

Follow me here.

follow

↓

Okay, so if we buy a second week,

second week

↓

and we sell that, we're vacationing for free.

free sell

↓

What happens if we buy a third week and sell that?

happens sell third week

↓

We're getting paid to vacation!

paid vacation

↓

Oh, shit!

↓

You guys, I… I've actually never thought of it like that.

↓

I know!

↓

- I'm not sure I can make that deal. - The deal's locked in.

deal deals locked

↓

- I'm gonna write in "three…" - Write in "three weeks."

three three-weeks weeks write

↓

Three here… That's done!

three

↓

- Yeah, right? - Put three on…

three

↓

You got got!

↓

You thought we were a bunch of suckers, but guess what?

bunch suckers

↓

- Oh, God. - We're not.

↓

We just bought three weeks of a time-share.

bought share three three-weeks weeks

↓

So you did.

↓

Not a great turnout.

turnout

↓

No, not a great turnout.

turnout

↓

You know why? Nobody gives a shit about free soup, Charlie.

charlie free gives nobody nobody-gives soup

↓

People want golf clubs and concert tickets.

clubs concert golf golf-clubs tickets

↓

Don't knock the soup, all right?

knock soup

↓

Da'Maniac's here. He's sucked down, like, three bowls of it.

bowls sucked three

↓

Yeah, he is here. And why is he here, Charlie?

charlie

↓

Well…

↓

Nobody wants to buy something from a deranged wrestler.

deranged nobody nobody-wants wants wrestler

↓

Why would you invite him?

invite

↓

I didn't invite him.

invite

↓

He just drifted in. I guess he was…

drifted

↓

- Just looking for soup. - …looking for free soup.

free looking soup

↓

- Yeah, free soup. - All right.

free soup

↓

You know, drifters…

↓

All right, let's just get it going, all right?

↓

Hello, everyone.

↓

Thank you so much for coming today.

coming today

↓

Each one of you has been hand-selected to potentially

hand potentially selected

↓

join our Invigaron team.

invigaron join team

↓

"What is Invigaron?" you may be asking.

asking invigaron

↓

Charlie?

charlie

↓

Hello, everyone. I'm Dee, and this is Charlie.

charlie

↓

And as you can tell by our huge mansion,

huge mansion

↓

we're insanely loaded.

insanely loaded

↓

But it wasn't always this way.

↓

We used to be losers, like all of you people.

losers used

↓

And then we discovered the Invig…

discovered

↓

And it all starts with the berries.

berries starts

↓

The berries are the most delici…

berries

↓

I'm sure you're all excited to learn more about the Invigaron system.

excited invigaron invigaron-system learn system

↓

What the hell happened to my part, Dee?

happened part

↓

Yeah, I had to do some reshoots. You are way too hung up on the berries.

berries hung reshoots

↓

The success of the Invigaron system

invigaron invigaron-system success system

↓

is largely due to the simplicity of its origins.

↓

Using a multi-tiered distribu…

multi using

↓

…multi-level market…

level market multi

↓

…the Invigaron system…

invigaron invigaron-system system

↓

…multi-level…

level multi

↓

Invig…

↓

I'm Andy, proud owner of my own mountain, where…

andy mountain owner proud

↓

Did a couple reshoots of my own.

couple reshoots

↓

Proud owner of my own mountain, where I'm a magical bean farmer.

bean farmer magical mountain owner proud

↓

Berries!

berries

↓

Does the sophisticated business model of Invigaron confuse you?

business business-model confuse invigaron model sophisticated

↓

You don't need to understand how Invigaron works,

invigaron works

↓

because somebody above you does.

somebody

↓

So ask less questions, and make more money.

less money questions

↓

There we go.

↓

Well, I wasn't quite finished, there's…

finished

↓

Still not convinced? Well, guess what?

convinced

↓

The Invigaron system is also a pyramid scheme.

invigaron invigaron-system pyramid pyramid-scheme scheme system

↓

"What's a pyramid scheme?" you ask.

pyramid pyramid-scheme scheme

↓

All right, basically a house of cards where the dickheads at the bottom

bottom cards dickheads house

↓

do all the work, and give all the money to the smart guys up at the top.

money smart

↓

All right? Now, will you get…

↓

Don't just be successful. Be berry…

berry successful

↓

You won't need a pot of gold.

gold

↓

But still amazingly badass…

amazingly badass

↓

So do…

↓

There we go.

↓

All right, any questions?

questions

↓

I have a question.

question

↓

Uh, how do I get in on this?

↓

Uh, you probably don't, because you need money.

money

↓

Ben, how many boxes am I gonna put you down for?

boxes

↓

I don't really understand what I'm buying.

buying

↓

- You saw the video. - Was the video not clear?

clear video

↓

The video was pretty clear, Charlie.

charlie clear video

↓

You think maybe it's your stress?

stress

↓

Do you want to check your photon levels?

check levels

↓

- Oh. Yes. - Yeah.

↓

Yeah, you could be stressed.

stressed

↓

- It… Okay. Here you go. - Okay.

↓

Uh, where should I put my feet?

feet

↓

Dee, where do his feet go?

feet

↓

The feet go wherever. What is it with the feet?

feet

↓

Thank you for this business opportunity.

business business-opportunity opportunity

↓

- I will not let you down. - No, no, no, no, no.

↓

You need to pay for the product, you can't just take it out of here.

product

↓

Roger! Roger that.

roger

↓

He's just leaving the bar.

leaving

↓

He just stole the berries.

berries stole

↓

That's not g…

↓

Oh, 107.

↓

Hey, man, that's pretty good.

↓

- What? Don't… - Healthy guy over here.

healthy

↓

Charlie, no, that's terrible. He's very stressed out

charlie stressed

↓

and he needs to buy the product and eat the berries.

berries needs product

↓

Oh, shit!

↓

I, I'm sorry.

↓

Um, I don't think this is for me.

↓

Oh, God damn it!

↓

If 107's bad, I got to eat more berries.

berries

↓

Stop eating berries! You've had enough berries!

berries eating

↓

I just don't understand.

↓

Is it a sexual thing?

sexual

↓

No, just get me the hell out! It doesn't matter!

matter

↓

Matters to me. I don't think I can move past it.

matters past

↓

We came here for a reason.

reason

↓

- Let's just jump into it, all right? - All right.

jump

↓

Frank, we have a very exciting real estate opportunity

estate exciting frank opportunity real real-estate

↓

for you in sunny Orlando, Florida.

florida orlando sunny

↓

Yes. How would you like to spend one week out of the year

spend week

↓

living the high life at your own private villa

life living private villa

↓

at the Dusty Dunes Resort?

dusty resort

↓

You guys bought a time-share?

bought share

↓

- Well, yeah. - Yeah.

↓

How can you all be so gullible?

gullible

↓

- No, no, no, no. - No, this is different, Frank.

frank

↓

- This is different. - Tell him.

↓

This asshole tried to sell us one week.

asshole sell tried week

↓

We took the prick for three.

prick three

↓

You did? You took him for three weeks?

three three-weeks weeks

↓

Dennis thought of it. Dennis thought of it.

dennis

↓

You think he didn't want to sell you as many weeks as possible?

possible sell weeks

↓

I told you that might have been a concern, I…

concern might

↓

- No, I know, but I… - The whole way over, you said that's…

whole

↓

All right, fine.

↓

Well, look, I didn't come here to be criticized by a man stuck in a coil!

coil stuck

↓

Are you gonna buy a week, or not?

week

↓

No, I'm not that stupid.

stupid

↓

We don't need this. We're out of here, Frank.

frank

↓

Screw you.

screw

↓

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I, I, I can help you.

↓

- Yeah? Help us how? - I can help you. Yeah.

↓

I'll give you a premium lead on a deep-pocket dummy.

deep dummy lead pocket premium

↓

Premium lead? That's business talk.

business lead premium

↓

- We need premium leads. - Yeah. Who?

leads premium

↓

You promise to get me out of here?

promise

↓

Yeah, yeah, Frank, we promise.

frank promise

↓

- What do you think, we're gonna leave you. - Give us a name.

name

↓

Ben the Soldier. All right?

soldier

↓

- Ben the Soldier, huh? - Yeah.

soldier

↓

- Well, yeah… - That's pretty good.

↓

- It is? - Yeah.

↓

He's very, very dumb. I mean, think about it.

dumb

↓

He went over there, probably saw some pretty serious carnage.

carnage serious

↓

He's gonna have some bad PTSD.

ptsd

↓

If we trigger that, he'll be putty in our hands.

hands trigger

↓

Right, whatever. Okay, get me out of here.

↓

- No. - Nah. Nah.

↓

- Nah. - No.

↓

Wait, whoa, whoa. Where you going?

whoa whoa-whoa

↓

You just got got, Frank.

frank

↓

Yeah. Uh, you played your hand a little too early, sucker.

early hand played sucker

↓

We'll come back when we need you again.

↓

- That's called leverage. - Right.

called leverage

↓

That's business talk.

business

↓

Yeah, I thought you were good at that stuff.

stuff

↓

The kids are coming! What…

coming kids

↓

- I know. - The kids!

kids

↓

The kids will be here!

kids

↓

Now listen.

↓

We just need to trigger his PTSD a little bit, all right?

ptsd trigger

↓

Get him all jumbled up.

↓

Couple of sudden movements. Loud noises.

couple loud movements noises sudden

↓

Exactly.

↓

- Hey! - Hey! Ben!

↓

It's so good to see you, man.

↓

How are you? Come on in.

↓

Have a seat on the couch, why don't you?

couch seat

↓

Okay.

↓

All right.

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

Hi.

↓

- Da'Maniac. - Yeah, I know.

↓

What are you doing here?

↓

Well, I've come for the presentation.

presentation

↓

Gonna be really cool, huh?

cool

↓

Oh, it's… It's sort of

↓

geared specifically towards Ben, so…

specifically

↓

I like him, too. He a good guy, huh?

↓

Nice to see you.

↓

That's good.

↓

- He's coming in. - Ben.

coming

↓

- How you doing? - All right, let's just, uh…

↓

Okay, uh…

↓

All right, listen, so, Ben…

↓

Um, we would like to offer you

offer

↓

a week's stay in our time-share condominium in Florida.

florida share weeks

↓

It's an amazing property.

amazing property

↓

I mean, when we first saw it, we were like, "Boom!"

boom

↓

Sometimes, loud noises make the squirrels

loud noises sometimes squirrels

↓

go in my head, and I, I don't fight in the ring anymore,

anymore fight head ring

↓

but I still fight with the demons in Da'Maniac's head.

demons fight head

↓

All right, well, we'll, we'll try to be a little bit more sensitive to that.

sensitive

↓

I… Yeah.

↓

Um, and we'll keep our voices down from here on out.

voices

↓

- Yeah. - Uh, Ben, should we talk numbers?

numbers

↓

Oh, I don't know.

↓

Um, and it sounds really nice,

sounds

↓

but I'm not trying to make any business decisions.

business decisions

↓

- I have a 107 stress level. - Ooh.

level stress

↓

I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here. I, I have to go.

↓

Well, wait, stop. Ben…

↓

- Don't go. - No, the sunshine state.

state sunshine

↓

Oh, uh, I'm in.

↓

Oh, no. Well, no.

↓

See, Maniac, it's very expensive.

expensive maniac

↓

It's, like, $1,400.

↓

Sold to the Maniac for $1,400.

maniac sold

↓

- Really? - You know why?

↓

'Cause I can pay you in Invigaron.

invigaron

↓

I don't think you're quite understanding.

understanding

↓

Uh, this involves you giving us cash,

cash giving involves

↓

not a product that we would then sell.

product sell

↓

Sure.

↓

- See, we need cash money. - We're on the same page.

cash cash-money money page

↓

I don't even understand what he's talking about.

↓

- Yeah. Hold on one second. - No, take your time.

second

↓

Listen, I think we might have been wrong about Dee and Charlie's little investment.

charlies investment might

↓

They're out there moving berries like crazy.

berries crazy moving

↓

If those bozos can do it,

bozos

↓

think how many you and I can sell.

sell

↓

We could flip 'em, like, ten times over.

flip times

↓

That's what I'm saying. So I say we swindle Da'Maniac while we got him here.

↓

Let's get in on Dee and Charlie's little game.

charlies game

↓

Smart.

smart

↓

Pyramid scheme and a time-share? We're diversifying our portfolio.

portfolio pyramid pyramid-scheme scheme share

↓

That's the thing.

↓

- All right. Hey, Maniac? - Yeah.

maniac

↓

Hey, you just got yourself a deal.

deal

↓

- We're in business together? - Yeah.

business

↓

That's so cool. I'm gonna go grab my stuff,

cool grab stuff

↓

and then, if you wouldn't mind,

mind

↓

could you show me which room is mine?

room

↓

I'd like a big room, if you don't mind.

mind room

↓

We're gonna have so much fun.

fun

↓

Invigaron.

invigaron

↓

Uh, is he under the impression that our apartment is the time-share?

apartment impression share

↓

It would appear so.

appear

↓

Okay, you know what? We'll deal with that later.

deal

↓

Let's focus on getting Ben to crack.

crack focus

↓

All right, now, between Da'Maniac stealing our berries

berries stealing

↓

and these night vision goggles,

goggles night vision

↓

we're in a bit of a hole, so we got to make this count.

count hole

↓

Okay. What's the plan exactly?

plan

↓

We're gonna trigger Ben's PTSD, all right?

bens ptsd trigger

↓

We bust in like Navy SEALs,

bust navy navy-seals seals

↓

zip-tie his hands, bag over his head, and then we bash him till he buys.

bash buys hands head till

↓

PTSD, that's so brilliant. How's Frank come up with that stuff?

brilliant frank ptsd stuff

↓

What can you say? He knows business.

business knows

↓

Okay, ready? Locked and loaded?

loaded locked ready

↓

- All right. Let's go, Charlie. - Let's move.

charlie

↓

What the hell are you guys doing here?

↓

We were gonna try and trigger Ben's PTSD

bens ptsd trigger

↓

and make him buy our shit.

↓

Good luck. We've been at it all night.

luck night

↓

We broke in here, looking like Arabs, screaming at him.

broke looking screaming

↓

The guy's rock solid.

rock solid

↓

Why did you dress him like Ebenezer Scrooge?

dress scrooge

↓

He was actually dressed like that when we got here.

dressed

↓

He's clearly got some issues. I just don't know that PTSD is one of them.

issues ptsd

↓

Yeah, we've been watching violent war movies all night

movies night violent watching

↓

to remind him of the carnage that he saw in combat.

carnage combat remind

↓

I didn't see any carnage.

carnage

↓

I actually had a good time during the war.

↓

I got to travel the world, uh, try new, exotic cuisines.

exotic travel world

↓

Well, I'm a computer programmer.

computer

↓

- What? - God damn it!

↓

Frank told us this dummy was the key

dummy frank

↓

to digging ourselves out of our financial debt.

debt digging financial

↓

What?

↓

Frank told us the same thing.

frank

↓

Well, that's interesting.

interesting

↓

So, we're all here doing this because of Frank.

frank

↓

See, I told you he was up to something.

↓

Hold on a second.

second

↓

Getting all naked and cramming yourself into a coil,

coil naked

↓

- that's a pretty good distraction, right? - Right?

distraction

↓

Yeah, and think about it.

↓

He didn't tell us why he was in the coil.

coil

↓

No, no, no.

↓

I just assumed that he went down there to pound off in the nighttime.

assumed pound

↓

- Yeah, right, right. - Yeah, me, too. Me, too.

↓

But now I'm absolutely sure he had an agenda.

absolutely agenda

↓

I bet he was never stuck in that coil at all.

coil stuck

↓

He's been at the top of the pyramid the whole time,

pyramid whole

↓

just gathering our cash.

cash gathering

↓

Oh, right, right, or at the bottom of the funnel.

bottom funnel

↓

Bottom of the funnel, top of the… They're the same thing.

bottom funnel

↓

Yeah, well, I bet you when we go down there,

↓

he's not even in there, is he?

↓

No. Hell, no, he's not in that coil,

coil

↓

but I know exactly where he will be.

↓

All right, everyone, we have a new addition

addition

↓

to the platinum sales staff, and let me just tell you something.

sales staff

↓

This guy is an absolute dynamo.

absolute

↓

Scam! This guy's a liar!

liar scam

↓

You guys are getting scammed!

scammed

↓

- You're getting scammed! - Pyramid! Pyramid!

pyramid scammed

↓

Rape! Rape! Rape! Rape! Rape!

rape rape-rape

↓

Hey, hey, hey!

↓

What's going on here?

↓

Well, I'll tell you what's going on.

↓

We are saving these people from years of financial rape.

financial rape saving years

↓

Oh, hey, if you want out of Invigaron, all you have to do is say so.

invigaron

↓

- Wait. Huh? - I do?

↓

Look, you just, uh, sign this release form,

form release sign

↓

pay a $200 penalty fee,

penalty

↓

your down line will shift up to me, and then you're free and clear.

clear free line shift

↓

That's it? All you got to do is sign the document?

document sign

↓

Can we do that?

↓

Yeah, does that mean we're out of the time-share?

share

↓

Oh, no, no, I'm afraid I can't help you there.

afraid

↓

Those contracts are ironclad.

contracts

↓

I'm just relieved you didn't see the old opt-out clause.

relieved

↓

Wait a second.

second

↓

He just subtly motioned to this document here, opt-out.

document

↓

Oh, no. Oh, crap, I've said too much.

↓

"Buyer may opt out of the contract within 72 hours

buyer contract hours

↓

"for one-time cancellation fee of only $2,000."

↓

- You figured it out. - You fool. I have…

figured fool

↓

You didn't think we were gonna see this, but we outsmarted you.

outsmarted

↓

- Yeah. - We're a couple of foxes.

couple foxes

↓

All right, you got got!

↓

So suck on that little piece of sweetness.

piece suck sweetness

↓

You also wrote "faced" in the memo.

faced memo wrote

↓

Ha! Nice!

↓

Should have known better than to get involved

involved known

↓

with a couple of sharks like you two.

couple sharks

↓

You should have.

↓

We're just glad we're out from under Frank.

frank glad

↓

- Who's Frank? - "Who's Frank?" he says.

frank

↓

- Like he doesn't know. - Please.

↓

Come on, everybody.

everybody

↓

Frank's the guy who's behind all this. Frank is the mastermind in the coil.

behind coil frank franks mastermind

↓

I sincerely have no idea what you're talking about.

idea

↓

Sure you don't, buddy.

buddy

↓

- Well, guess what? - He might not 'cause Frank…

frank might

↓

Uh-oh. Oh, shit.

↓

You thought we came in mad.

↓

Wait till you see what this monster has to say.

monster till

↓

This guy? What are you talking about?

↓

This guy's the best salesman I got.

best salesman

↓

Da'Maniac?

↓

Yeah. He's already got 30 people under him.

↓

I got to thank you all so much for hooking me up with that army guy.

army hooking

↓

I got his whole platoon selling for me.

platoon selling whole

↓

Wait a sec.

↓

- Da'Maniac's on my down line. - Yup.

line

↓

I'm rich. I'm rich. Oh!

rich

↓

You got got!

↓

You got got!

↓

Whoa, one second. One second, guys.

second whoa

↓

Actually, he's in my down line.

line

↓

You just bought out, remember?

bought remember

↓

- Shoot! - Ooh!

shoot

↓

No, you… Oh!

↓

This guy's good.

↓

Oh, yeah. You know, sorry.

↓

I want to get this stuff done here,

stuff

↓

and then I'll meet you back at our time-share, huh?

meet share

↓

Okay.

↓

Now, what's going on there? Is he, like, living with you guys, or…

living

↓

Yeah.

↓

He's… It's, it's a whole thing. Just move past it.

past whole

↓

That's a hard thing to move past.

hard past

↓

Yeah, he doesn't know what time-share is.

share

↓

All right, but hold on a second, hold on a second.

second

↓

Is Frank still the mastermind? I don't get it.

frank mastermind

↓

Is he still in the coil?

coil

↓

No, he's not still in the coil.

coil

↓

Come on. He's definitely still behind this.

behind

↓

He's probably down in Orlando

orlando

↓

enjoying that time-share. He's long gone.

enjoying gone share

↓

Right. Wherever he is, he's having a real good time.

having real

↓

Hey! Hey, easy, easy, easy.

easy easy-easy

↓

Got to get out of here.

↓

I got to get out of here!

↓

Get me out!

↓

Get me out of here!

↓

Somebody get me out of here!

somebody

↓

Huh?