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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S18E09 — Frank's Team - A Dark Day for Baseball

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 18, Episode 9 — Frank's Team - A Dark Day for Baseball

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: Frank's Team: A Dark Day for Baseball

Air date: October 05, 2026

Director: Heath Cullens

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

In an effort to clean up their image, Paddy's sponsors a local Little League team. But when The Gang spots softness in their franchise, they impose a radical new culture: win no matter what and do whatever it takes to get ahead.

Source: TMDB

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[♪ jovial music]

jovial jovial-music music

↓

- [phone chimes] - [Dennis] Oh.

chimes dennis phone phone-chimes

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- "You have received a new review on Yelp." - [Dee] Oh.

received review yelp

↓

"Genuinely horrible bar, sticky floors, warm beer."

beer floors genuinely horrible sticky warm

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- Sticky floors? - That's a knock on you.

floors knock sticky

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- That's a knock on you. - You don't want slippery floors.

floors knock slippery

↓

- [Dee] Is that what they want? - [Frank] Exactly.

frank

↓

Oh, I'm sorry, as soon as I clean that,

clean

↓

I put another stick down so that people won't slip.

another slip stick

↓

Uh, this one just says, "Don't come to this Albanian bar."

↓

What? We are not an Albanian bar!

↓

- I hate Albanians! - [Dennis] What… Mac.

dennis hate

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- You don't even know where Albania is. - Do we like Albania now?

↓

- Well, either way… - [Frank] Albanians are nice people.

frank

↓

…other people are dictating whether we're a good bar

whether

↓

or a bad bar or an Albanian bar or not and then, you know, like,

↓

we gotta do something to get back on the right side of the community here.

community side

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You know, get them back on our side.

side

↓

Hi, good afternoon. Would you be interested

afternoon interested

↓

in making a donation to our Little League baseball team?

baseball donation league league-baseball team

↓

Get out of here, you little begging Albanian rats!

begging rats

↓

Mac! What are you… [scoffs]

scoffs

↓

Well, sorry, I… I'm mad at a website,

website

↓

and I didn't mean to call you Albanian. That's mean.

↓

No, it's not mean to call somebody Albanian, okay?

somebody

↓

- There's nothing wrong with-- - I'm sorry,

↓

- I don't understand my own racism. - Just stop, okay?

racism

↓

Let… Will you let the child speak?

child speak

↓

Uh, we can come back later if you need some time to calm down.

calm

↓

- No. - [Charlie] We're calm.

calm charlie

↓

- I'm calm as shit. - We are perfectly calm.

calm perfectly

↓

Did I not say let the child speak?

child speak

↓

- You are the child, are you not? - [Dee] Yeah?

child

↓

- So speak, child, speak. - [Dee] You better talk.

child speak

↓

Uh… Okay.

↓

We were hoping to get new gear for our tournament.

gear hoping tournament

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We have candy for $5, hats for $30,

candy hats

↓

and if you sponsor our team, we'll put your name on our jerseys.

name sponsor team

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- Yeah, Mac was right. - [Charlie] This is begging.

begging charlie

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- They are Albanians! - Get out of here!

↓

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. Sponsor?

sponsor whoa

↓

You mean we could buy a baseball team?

baseball team

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Uh, I mean, we're just selling candy and stuff.

candy selling stuff

↓

Silence, child! Frank has a plan brewing.

child frank plan silence

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Frank, what are you thinking? [sighs]

frank sighs thinking

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[♪ "Temptation Sensation" playing]

playing sensation temptation

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[song ends]

ends song song-ends

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I just wanted to say thank you for saving our team.

saving team wanted

↓

You really have no idea how much this means to our community.

community idea

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Oh. Good, good. Put it in your review, okay, hon?

review

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- Yeah. - What review?

review

↓

The Albanian one. I… [stutters] I don't know,

stutters

↓

the one that we were talking about before.

↓

I got oranges here! Fresh oranges for the boys.

boys fresh oranges

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Nothing surly about that. Just bringing in some vitamin C.

bringing vitamin

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- Would you like an orange? - No, I'm okay.

orange

↓

You should try one 'cause they're really good for you.

↓

- I'm good. - Can you take a fucking orange?

fucking orange

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- It's a heavy pail. - Okay.

heavy pail

↓

There you go.

↓

Yeah, you'll want to write about that in the review.

review write

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Coach, can we have a word real quick?

coach quick real real-quick word

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- [Mac] Yeah. - Sure, fellas, what's going on?

fellas

↓

- [Charlie sighs] - Well, who do you like in the three-hole?

charlie charlie-sighs hole sighs three

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Wow, I haven't decided yet. I don't know, Bradley?

decided

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Ah, we thought you were going to say that. Yeah, we don't love Bradley, right?

love

↓

Don't love Bradley in the three.

love three

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Yeah, I don't think he's got the stuff. Also, what's going on with Jason?

jason stuff

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Need a little more pepper out of that bat, don't we?

pepper

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[laughs] You're hazing me.

laughs

↓

I love it. I love it. Hey!

love

↓

Everybody!

everybody

↓

Hey, everybody, I'm Coach Bob.

coach everybody

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I just want to say thank you to our new sponsors for hosting us today.

sponsors today

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And I just wanna say I'm really, really proud

proud

↓

of the effort we've given so far this year.

effort given

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We're not perfect, right? But the goal isn't to be perfect.

goal perfect

↓

The goal is to be building memories together, and we're doing that.

building goal memories

↓

And we're going into this next tournament, we're gonna keep hustling,

tournament

↓

we're gonna keep working hard.

hard working working-hard

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But most importantly,

importantly

↓

we're gonna have fun.

fun

↓

- [patrons] Yeah! - [Coach Bob] Yeah!

coach

↓

[cheering, whooping]

cheering whooping

↓

- Hey. Come on in. - Hey.

↓

- You guys wanted to see me? - [Frank] Mm-hmm.

frank wanted

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Yeah. Take a seat.

seat

↓

There's nowhere to sit.

↓

- Good, make it faster. - Yeah.

faster

↓

Listen, Coach, the organization is gonna go in a different direction.

coach direction organization

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- Yeah. - What organization?

organization

↓

- The franchise, the club. - Yeah.

club franchise

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The Little League team?

league team

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Now, see, that's your problem right there, Coach.

coach problem

↓

Little League teams playing little ball. You're playing small ball, Coach.

ball coach league playing teams

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Paddy's Pinstripes gotta have giant balls, all right? [chuckles]

balls chuckles giant paddys

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I mean, not literally giant. The kids are only 12, you know.

giant kids

↓

Although, I did see a significant growth in my own testicles

growth significant testicles

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between the ages of, I believe it was 12 and 13, so, you know.

ages believe

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Actually, there's some stats here to suggest

stats suggest

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that there's around a 17% growth rate at this age.

growth rate

↓

- And stats don't lie. - Whoo.

stats whoo

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What is happening here?

↓

- You're out. You're fired. - Yeah.

fired

↓

I'm a volunteer.

volunteer

↓

- Good, no severance. - Yeah.

↓

This is insane! Who's gonna coach the team?

coach insane team

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[♪ organ playing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"]

ball ball-game game organ playing

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All right. [spits] Let's turn two on this one, right? Let's go!

spits

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Let's go! Hustle, hustle, hustle! Turn two! Turn two!

hustle

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All right, I wanna see the button on that cap

button

↓

when you scoop that ball, right?

ball scoop

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Like this. I want to see the button on that cap.

button

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None of this chin up stuff. Can't be afraid of the ball.

afraid ball chin stuff

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Hey, Coach, I think they might be scared of the ball

ball coach might scared

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because they're not wearing cups.

cups wearing

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- I'm gonna have to do a jock check. - Do not fondle the children, Mac.

check children jock

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Look, we need discipline on this team, Charlie.

charlie discipline team

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I'm looking around. I'm seeing untucked shirts.

looking seeing shirts

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I'm seeing necklaces. I'm seeing long hair.

hair seeing

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- Did we bring scissors? - Coach, do not cut the kids' hair, okay?

bring coach hair kids scissors

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[spits] Look, I like the ragtag team.

spits team

↓

[spits] They like to have a unique look. It gives them team spirit.

gives spirit spits team unique

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[spits] Let them have team spirit, all right, Mac? It builds morale. [spits]

builds spirit spits team

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Would you stop spitting those seeds at me?

seeds spitting

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Also, are you eating the shells and spitting out the seeds?

eating seeds spitting

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[spits] I don't know what's going on. Yeah, that might be it.

might spits

↓

That's why I'm so thirsty. You know, grab the fungo, I gotta get some water.

grab thirsty water

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All right! He's got the fungo. I gotta get some water.

water

↓

All right, boys! Line up! [blow whistle]

blow boys line whistle

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- How they looking? - [Dennis inhales sharply]

dennis inhales inhales-sharply looking sharply

↓

[sighs] Not loving the arms, Frank. I'm a little worried about the pitching.

arms frank loving pitching sighs worried

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Also, I'm not really sure what Mac is doing.

↓

[blows whistle] Okay, gentlemen, we're gonna raise our fists to the sky.

blows fists gentlemen raise whistle

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We're gonna bring them down to our cups. Are we ready?

bring cups ready

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Three, two, one, go!

three

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[team groans]

groans team

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- Again! - [groaning continues]

continues groaning

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How many of those candy bars have you had, bud?

bars candy candy-bars

↓

You buy the team, you buy the candy, Dennis.

candy dennis team

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- [chuckles] - Okay, all right.

chuckles

↓

Ownership is all about the spoils.

ownership

↓

Well, the stats on obesity amongst ownership do support that.

amongst obesity ownership stats support

↓

- A lot of fat guys. - Yeah, a lot of fat guys.

↓

Hey, uh, Coach, we gotta talk about our backup second baseman.

backup coach second

↓

He stinks on ice. I think we should cut him.

stinks

↓

- Him? - [Mac] Yep.

↓

Hell no. That's our lucky little fella.

fella lucky

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Lucky little fella?

fella lucky

↓

Lucky little fella, Mac. Every team's gotta have one.

fella lucky teams

↓

[spits] When I was playing ball, we had this kid on our team, you know?

ball playing spits team

↓

Little guy, scrambled brains, had one of the syndromes, you know what I mean?

brains scrambled

↓

Down syndrome, up syndrome, some kind of syndrome, right?

syndrome

↓

Could the kid play ball? No, of course he couldn't play ball.

ball course

↓

He could barely even string two words together,

barely string words

↓

but he was great for team spirit.

spirit team

↓

Someone gets a hit, he starts hooting and hollering, slapping up and down.

hooting slapping starts

↓

Everybody loves this kid, you know.

everybody everybody-loves loves

↓

You rub his head for good luck, you hit a home run, and guess what, Mac?

head home luck

↓

We won the team championship that year all 'cause of the lucky little fella.

championship fella lucky team

↓

Now this kid here, I don't know what he's got, probably something.

↓

- But he's good for team spirit… - Yeah.

spirit team

↓

…and we need a lucky little fella like that.

fella lucky

↓

[Charlie] Hey, Lucky!

charlie lucky

↓

Yeah, you! Bring it on in here, Lucky!

bring lucky

↓

Guys, look at the hustle! Look at his team spirit there.

hustle spirit team

↓

The kid can barely run, and he's pounding his way over here.

barely pounding

↓

Lucky's not our problem. Pitching's the issue here, Mac.

issue luckys problem

↓

Hey, kid, I'm gonna call you Lucky

lucky

↓

'cause I got a lucky feeling about you, know what I mean?

feeling lucky

↓

I got that good vibe off you, okay?

vibe

↓

- Hey, you hungry? You like oranges? - My cup itches.

hungry itches oranges

↓

- Uh-huh? [spits] Hey, Dee! - Yeah?

spits

↓

Hey, fire me over one of those oranges for Little Lucky over here.

fire lucky oranges

↓

- This is our lucky little fella. - You got it!

fella lucky

↓

Come on!

↓

Holy Toledo! You seeing what I'm seeing, Frank?

frank holy seeing toledo

↓

Yeah, the movement on them oranges is off the charts.

charts movement oranges

↓

Hey, Dee, you give that orange 100%?

orange

↓

[scoffs] Yeah, right.

scoffs

↓

- [speed gun beeps] - Holy shit.

beeps holy speed

↓

- What's the scouting report on her? - Uh…

report

↓

Yeah. I-I got that right here.

↓

Deandra Reynolds, uh…

deandra deandra-reynolds reynolds

↓

gangly, bad attitude, all-around unpleasant person.

attitude person unpleasant

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Yeah.

↓

Dude, are you seriously opening another candy bar?

another candy opening

↓

The spoils, Dennis. The spoils.

dennis

↓

It is a beautiful day for baseball here at South Philly Pulaski Park Fields.

baseball fields park philly south south-philly

↓

I'm Timmy Talhoon,

timmy

↓

and you are listening to South Philadelphia Youth Baseball Radio.

baseball listening philadelphia radio south south-philadelphia youth

↓

That's cool. Look at that. They got a kid doing play-by-play.

cool

↓

Don't get distracted. What's the stats on the opposing team?

distracted stats team

↓

[♪ "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" playing]

ball ball-game game playing

↓

Where did you get milk?

milk

↓

[hoarse voice] Hey, Dee! How's the wing?

voice wing

↓

Ready to rock!

ready rock

↓

- What's with your voice? - Seeds are drying me out.

drying seeds voice

↓

All right, boys, stand up!

boys stand

↓

- Tap your cups. - [team grunts]

cups grunts team

↓

- Take the field. - Let's go!

field

↓

Here they come, folks.

folks

↓

Paddy's Pinstripes taking the field with their starting pitcher…

field paddys starting

↓

[crowd booing]

booing crowd

↓

[Timmy] …Deandra Reynolds.

deandra deandra-reynolds reynolds timmy

↓

And the crowd is understandably perplexed.

crowd

↓

Oh, yeah?

↓

Whatever, you dumb cunts.

cunts dumb

↓

What is she doing? She can't pitch.

pitch

↓

- Yes, she can! - It's in the bylaws!

↓

- Dennis, Dennis! - Dennis!

dennis

↓

You're up.

↓

Yep, here we go.

↓

[Charlie] You gotta read the bylaws, okay?

charlie read

↓

[Dennis] I got you! I got you! Listen up, listen up.

dennis

↓

Hi, Dennis Reynolds, GM of the Pinstripes. So, according to the bylaws here,

according dennis dennis-reynolds reynolds

↓

no boy over the age of 12 will be allowed to play,

allowed

↓

but as you can see here, our pitcher, well, that's not a boy.

↓

This is bullshit! It means any child!

bullshit child

↓

[stutters] Well, listen, it could be a sexist oversight

sexist stutters

↓

on behalf of the league.

behalf league

↓

You know, I don't make the rules.

rules

↓

But, hey, listen, you can play any adult woman you like,

adult woman

↓

- if you have any on your roster. - You got a woman pitcher, you put her in!

woman

↓

This is crazy! You gotta stop this, Kenny!

crazy kenny

↓

Well, actually, if you do, uh, Kenny,

kenny

↓

you're gonna be facing a pretty hefty lawsuit

facing hefty lawsuit

↓

from a very pricey law firm that we've hired.

firm hired

↓

Hey, hey, hey! Kenny, can we play ball or what?

ball kenny

↓

Guys, I don't know what to tell you. I'm getting paid 30 bucks to do this.

bucks paid

↓

- That sounds like a yes. - Let's just play ball.

ball sounds

↓

Oh, my God. You're a little bitch, Kenny!

bitch kenny

↓

Play ball? Play ball!

ball

↓

- Fuck you. - Back at you, back at you!

fuck

↓

Now, to play ball, let's go, let's go!

ball

↓

And it looks like this charade of a game is going to be allowed

allowed charade game

↓

to continue as the Drexel Hill Tigers come to the plate.

continue hill plate tigers

↓

[Kenny] All right, here we go!

kenny

↓

[song ends]

ends song song-ends

↓

[Dee] I don't know what that means. What are you doing?

↓

Yo, Dee! [whistles]

whistles

↓

- [Dee] I don't know what you're doing. - Do what Coach is saying.

coach

↓

I don't know what any of this shit means. How about I just throw the goddamn ball?

ball goddamn throw

↓

- Okay? - [player] Whoo, you got this!

player whoo

↓

[Kenny] Strike one!

kenny strike

↓

- This is gonna be good. - It is, yeah.

↓

- This is gonna be good. - [Dennis chuckles]

chuckles dennis

↓

- [♪ "Centerfield" playing] - ♪ Oh, put me in, Coach ♪

coach playing

↓

- [Kenny] Strike two! - [Mac] Here we go!

kenny strike

↓

[Kenny] Strike three!

kenny strike three

↓

♪ Put me in, Coach ♪

coach

↓

♪ I'm ready to play ♪

ready

↓

- [Kenny] Strike three! - Oh, come on!

kenny strike three

↓

♪ Look at me I can be center field ♪

center field

↓

- [Kenny] Strike three! - [Dee] It's so easy!

easy kenny strike three

↓

It's just too easy!

easy

↓

[♪ "Centerfield" continues]

continues

↓

♪ Well, I spent some time in the Mudville Nine ♪

nine spent

↓

- You got nothing! - [Guardians yelling]

yelling

↓

[Dee shouts]

shouts

↓

[Kenny] Strike two!

kenny strike

↓

[laughs] You suck!

laughs suck

↓

You're a loser! You're a loser!

loser

↓

We have ourselves a heck of a pitching duel

heck pitching

↓

as the bats on both teams have gone ice-cold.

bats cold gone teams

↓

Have to admire the stamina of the 50-year-old.

admire

↓

- [Kenny] Strike three! - [Dee exclaiming, groaning]

exclaiming groaning kenny strike three

↓

As we can tell, she's in agony with each remaining pitch.

agony pitch remaining

↓

Way to go, Dee!

↓

- Way to go! - Oh, God.

↓

My goddamn arm, it's about to break off.

break goddamn

↓

Get her some ice, Mac! Dee, your work's almost done.

works

↓

- One more run, boys, we win this thing! - [Dee groans]

boys groans

↓

- You got your cup in, Dee? - Get off me! Jesus.

jesus

↓

Nothing, nothing in the final inning

final

↓

as Paddy's has managed to load the bases with two outs.

bases load managed outs paddys

↓

- Lucky, you're up! - What?

lucky

↓

Lucky, I'm putting you in the game.

game lucky putting

↓

What's he saying?

↓

- He's saying he wants you to bunt. - I want you to bunt.

wants

↓

- Just put on the helmet. - Yeah, get out there, Lucky!

helmet lucky

↓

- There you go. - You got this.

↓

[Kenny] Batter up!

batter kenny

↓

Who's this kid?

↓

- What are you listening to? - You talking to me?

listening

↓

- Yes, what are you listening to? - I'm listening to the kid in the booth.

booth listening

↓

He's incredible. He's like a modern-day Vin Scully.

incredible modern

↓

Well, knock it off and get your head back in the game. Who is this kid?

game head knock

↓

I-I don't know, Frank. There's no stats on him.

frank stats

↓

- He's never actually made it to bat. - Fuck me.

fuck

↓

Hey, death squad, do something.

death squad

↓

[♪ stadium organ playing]

organ playing stadium

↓

[Kenny] Time! Dead ball, take your base.

ball base dead kenny

↓

Ah! He got hit in the balls!

balls

↓

- We win, we win, we win! He gets on base. - Oh, we win.

base

↓

Ball game!

ball ball-game game

↓

We won!

↓

- Hey, Coach. That's why you wear a cup. - [laughs] Uh-oh.

coach laughs wear

↓

- Oh, shit. - Uh-oh.

↓

- [teammates cheer] - Oh, yeah!

cheer

↓

[chewing] No. What happened out there was unacceptable.

chewing happened unacceptable

↓

What are you talking about, Frank? We won.

frank

↓

[chewing] We won because of a hit by pitch. You got lucky.

chewing lucky pitch

↓

Damn right we got lucky. That's because of our lucky little fella.

fella lucky

↓

See, Charlie knows that it's baseball luck to have a special needs kid on the team.

baseball charlie knows luck needs special team

↓

- What do your stats say about that? - [chewing] Yeah.

chewing stats

↓

The problem is, of course, he's now out for the season,

course problem season

↓

and we're gonna need a new special needs kid.

needs special

↓

- Possibly a tad more severe case. Yeah. - You wanna up the case.

case possibly severe

↓

- No Albanians! - No, no, can't have Albanians.

↓

You know what? I don't have my book on me, but I know the stats don't support that,

book stats support

↓

and you are all turned around on this Albanian thing.

turned

↓

[chewing] Yeah, look, I spent top dollar on this team, and I want results.

chewing dollar results spent team

↓

Why's Frank get a hot dog?

frank whys

↓

You guys both have hot dogs? I want a hot dog.

dogs

↓

The spoils.

↓

- Buy the team, you get the hot dogs. - [Frank] Mmm.

dogs frank team

↓

- Hot dog. - Who's pitching today?

pitching today

↓

- [Charlie] It's got to be Jones. - Yes, I think it's got to be Jones

charlie jones

↓

because he's got a pretty good splitter, so…

↓

- Wrong. - It's Dee again.

↓

- [Frank] Dee. - Dee? No, her arm is shot.

frank shot

↓

Can't afford to lose this game, Coach. Gotta do whatever it takes.

afford coach game lose takes

↓

- Stats support it. - You talking about, "All about the stats."

stats support

↓

[mumbling indiscernibly]

mumbling

↓

But you're not taking my baseball!

baseball

↓

Ah! You know what this is? That's my baseball!

baseball

↓

It's all my baseballs.

↓

- [baseball bucket clatters] - [yells indiscernibly]

baseball bucket clatters yells

↓

What'd he say?

whatd

↓

Yeah, he didn't drink any water and we won the game, and he's so superstitious.

drink game water

↓

I have not seen him take any fluids for 48 hours.

fluids hours seen

↓

- [Frank] Mmm. - Oh.

frank

↓

I should probably go check on him.

check

↓

Hey, Coach! Coach?

coach

↓

[Frank] Hmm.

frank

↓

Who you calling?

calling

↓

I gotta make some changes. I need to get some more ringers.

changes

↓

- [line ringing] - Also, you're fired.

fired line line-ringing ringing

↓

I'm fired? Why am I fired?

fired

↓

You listen to the play-by-play, eating all my dogs,

dogs eating

↓

and it's not working out.

working

↓

We're just gonna go in a different direction.

direction

↓

- [person on phone] Hola. - Hola. Mmm.

hola person phone

↓

All right, boys, let's go, stretch it out. We got a beautiful day for baseball.

baseball boys stretch

↓

[Coach Bob] Hey, hey.

coach

↓

What's going on over here?

↓

Hey, Coach Bob. You got a new coaching gig?

coach coaching

↓

- Who the heck are all these kids? - Oh, these guys.

heck kids

↓

Yeah, this is, uh, Philepe, Jose, Ramiriz, Cortez, Ramon…

↓

[♪ organ playing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"]

ball ball-game game organ playing

↓

What's with the crazy person in the corner?

corner crazy crazy-person person

↓

[grunts]

grunts

↓

Ah, we picked up a new lucky little fella.

fella lucky picked

↓

- He's not little. - [grunts]

grunts

↓

Best we can do on short notice, Dee. We tied him down to be safe.

best notice safe short short-notice tied

↓

- I think that's for the best, yeah. - Yeah, yeah.

best

↓

- Just don't go near him. - I wasn't planning on it.

near planning

↓

Don't listen to the girl, Lucky. Look at the game, look at the game.

game girl lucky

↓

- Hey, Lucky. - [Lucky grunts]

grunts lucky

↓

- Breathe, breathe, Lucky, all right? Stay! - [Lucky breathing deeply]

breathe breathing deeply lucky

↓

Well, Timmy, looks like we are in for a good one today

timmy today

↓

as the Paddy's Pinstripes have replaced their entire starting lineup

entire paddys replaced starting

↓

with what appears to be international talent.

appears international talent

↓

An unorthodox move.

unorthodox

↓

Almost as unorthodox as Dennis Reynolds, a man I've never met,

dennis dennis-reynolds reynolds unorthodox

↓

joining me in the booth today, folks.

booth folks joining today

↓

[laughs] That's right, Tim, and with approximately 84,000 children

approximately children laughs

↓

abducted each year, you do wanna be careful.

abducted careful

↓

That said, uh, 93% of those children do turn out to be runaways,

children

↓

so the numbers are in your favor.

favor numbers

↓

It's a strange and disturbing factoid, Dennis.

dennis disturbing strange

↓

Seventy-two degrees on this beautiful afternoon

afternoon degrees

↓

as the Pinstripes take the field.

field

↓

[Dennis] Let's hope for a good game today as Deandra Reynolds takes the mound

deandra deandra-reynolds dennis game hope mound reynolds takes today

↓

for a second game in a row.

game second

↓

[booing]

booing

↓

A chorus of boos for Reynolds.

boos chorus reynolds

↓

[jeering]

↓

Oh, fuck you! Charlie!

charlie fuck

↓

Charlie, my arm's about to die. I think I only got one inning in me.

arms charlie

↓

- You think you got one? - I think I only got one.

↓

Oh, God.

↓

[spits]

spits

↓

[phone buzzes, "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" ringtone plays]

ball ball-game buzzes game phone plays

↓

Yeah, what?

↓

No, no, no, no, no. She's staying in. She's staying in!

staying

↓

[spits]

spits

↓

- [spits] - What--

spits

↓

Drink a goddamn glass of water!

drink glass goddamn water

↓

- [Dee grunts] - [scattered applause]

applause grunts scattered

↓

[Kenny] Strike!

kenny strike

↓

Keep your eyes open.

eyes eyes-open open

↓

Stupid kid.

stupid

↓

- [Kenny] Strike, you're out! - Come on!

kenny strike

↓

Oh, it's gone!

gone

↓

[laughs]

laughs

↓

[Kenny] Strike! Strike! Strike!

kenny strike

↓

[screams, laughs] Yeah, yeah, you suck.

laughs screams suck

↓

[♪ jovial music]

jovial jovial-music music

↓

[yelling, cheering]

cheering yelling

↓

Nice.

↓

[Dee shouts]

shouts

↓

- [Kenny] Strike three! - Go, you're gone. You're good.

gone kenny strike three

↓

It's third strike, dum-dum.

strike third

↓

Come on!

↓

Oh, oh, oh. [yells] Out of there!

yells

↓

Pinstripes looking absolutely dominant out there today.

absolutely dominant looking today

↓

They are, but Reynolds showing signs of fatigue.

reynolds showing signs

↓

You have to wonder how long that 50-year-old arm can keep this up

wonder

↓

as the Pinstripe's manager comes out to the mound.

comes manager mound

↓

Please, God, take me out. You have to.

↓

Well--

↓

The only word I understood was "gut," and yours is flooded with seed oils.

flooded seed understood word

↓

- All right, you've got this, man. - [Dee yelps]

yelps

↓

- You've got this, man. - [groans] Okay, stop it!

groans

↓

This is the last batter, though! This is the last one! [groans]

batter groans

↓

[♪ "The Natural" playing]

natural playing

↓

- [bone cracking] - [screams]

bone cracking screams

↓

- [crowd groans] - [Timmy, Dennis groan]

crowd dennis groan groans timmy

↓

- Uh-oh. - [Charlie] Uh-oh.

charlie

↓

- What's this? - That's not good.

↓

No!

↓

- I heard it all the way in here, Talhoon. - So did I, Dennis.

dennis heard

↓

[chuckles] Yeah, I'll bet.

chuckles

↓

Uh, fun fact, elongated noodle arms are 57% more prone to dislocate

arms fact fun noodle prone

↓

and 92% when their owner has weak ligaments and shit posture,

owner posture weak

↓

not to mention the sheer amount of alcohol abuse.

abuse alcohol amount mention

↓

And she's a bitch and a bird. Back to you, Tim.

bird bitch

↓

[Dee crying] Oh, God.

crying

↓

Suck it up!

suck

↓

Probably should've pulled her earlier.

pulled shouldve

↓

- Yeah, I think so. - Yeah.

↓

- [siren chirps] - Hold on, what's this now?

siren

↓

[sirens blaring]

blaring sirens

↓

And in comes ICE.

comes

↓

Oh. Very regrettable scene here, Timmy,

scene timmy

↓

as ICE agents scramble to detain the children.

agents children scramble

↓

[Dee wailing] Oh, God, no!

wailing

↓

Don't let him get you!

↓

[Timmy] Have to wonder if that call came from Pinstripe former coach, Bob D'Marco,

coach former timmy wonder

↓

as the new Pinstripe brass is in a tailspin.

brass

↓

- Oh, shit. - [lawyers murmuring]

lawyers murmuring

↓

Do something.

↓

[grunting, screaming]

grunting screaming

↓

And here comes the lucky fella,

comes fella lucky

↓

Pinstripes' mongoloid mascot loose on the field.

field loose mascot

↓

- [grunting, screaming] - [Timmy] It's pandemonium, Dennis.

dennis grunting screaming timmy

↓

Not sure "mongoloid" is the appropriate term.

appropriate term

↓

Oh, it is, Timmy. It is. It's derived from the word "Mongolian."

timmy word

↓

But in a surprising twist, the man is actually Albanian.

surprising twist

↓

- [Mac] Mmm. - I don't know the playbook for this one.

↓

Nope. It looks like it's gonna sort itself out.

nope

↓

- Yeah. - Let's get you some water.

water

↓

Oh, that would be good. Let's go. Let's get some water.

water

↓

[Lucky screaming]

lucky screaming

↓

You hate to see it, Timmy. It's a dark day for baseball.

baseball dark hate timmy

↓

Sure is.

↓

[♪ "On Your Bike" playing]

bike playing

↓

[song ends]

ends song song-ends