♥ Saved GIFs

Loading…

View all favorites →

Home » The Hawk » S01E02 — The Family That Plays Together

The Hawk

Season 1, Episode 2 — The Family That Plays Together

TMDB episode metadata

Show: The Hawk

Episode title: The Family That Plays Together

Air date: July 16, 2026

Director: David Gordon Green

Top billed cast: Will Ferrell, Molly Shannon, Jimmy Tatro, Fortune Feimster

As the golf world gathers for a tearful farewell, Lonnie infuriates Lance and Stacy by choosing the fairway over the funeral home.

Source: TMDB

↓

We cannot know what the universe holds in store for us.

cannot holds store universe

↓

Its designs are mysterious.

mysterious

↓

In golf, there is a saying,

golf

↓

"Play it as it lies."

lies

↓

Old Henry once told me,

henry

↓

"Lonnie, you can cheat on your wife,

cheat lonnie wife

↓

and you can cheat on yourself,

cheat

↓

but you can never cheat on the game of golf."

cheat game golf

↓

And that, Sam, is why I'm gonna need my seven iron here.

iron seven

↓

- Okay. Sure. What… - Can you hold on to that?

↓

- This one. - That one, okay.

↓

I am gonna smash the cover off this ball, and when it hits the green,

ball cover green hits smash

↓

all anyone is gonna see is a ball of string unraveling

ball string

↓

as it goes into the hole.

hole

↓

Right on.

↓

Oh fuck!

fuck

↓

That was cool.

cool

↓

- Play it as it lies! - Yeah. No. I know.

lies

↓

♪ They call him the Hawk ♪

hawk

↓

♪ He's a golfer ♪

golfer

↓

♪ The greatest golfer in the world! ♪

golfer greatest world

↓

So I did wanna say I'm sorry about Old Henry, Lonnie.

henry lonnie

↓

Yeah, he was a good man, Cliff.

cliff

↓

It's Clint.

↓

Must be tough playing without your sidekick.

must playing sidekick tough

↓

Where'd you pick up this new caddie?

pick whered

↓

Oh, her? I got her at a Walmart.

walmart

↓

Did you know chickens can memorize over a hundred faces?

chickens faces hundred memorize

↓

Where did you say you caddied before?

↓

Oh, I didn't, because I haven't.

↓

Only time I've been on a golf course was doing donuts in high school.

course donuts golf golf-course school

↓

So wasn't there like a funeral or a wake for him today?

funeral today wake

↓

- Did you already pay your respects? - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

respects whoa

↓

I know what you're trying to do, Cliff.

cliff

↓

That's not gonna work. Mind games? No. You can keep at it.

games mind mind-games

↓

It's not gonna work. You know why? 'Cause this right here…

↓

This is an animal brain.

animal brain

↓

And I'm thinking about one thing. "Cougar's gonna eat."

thinking

↓

What?

↓

- What? - Hey, Lonnie!

lonnie

↓

- Yeah? - You want me to kick his ass?

kick

↓

Maybe.

↓

He's not coming.

coming

↓

He's gonna come. Old Henry was his only friend.

friend henry

↓

Golf is his only friend.

friend golf

↓

Thirty years that man gave him.

thirty thirty-years years

↓

Old Henry was a better father to Lance than his own father.

father henry lance

↓

Mom.

↓

He's the one who taught him how to golf.

golf taught

↓

Gave him his first set of clubs,

clubs

↓

took him to the range, helped him with his swing.

helped range swing

↓

Your father was worthless.

father worthless

↓

Well, thanks, everyone, for coming out today.

coming thanks today

↓

I'm Dick Lundquist

dick

↓

with the Association of Professional Tour Caddies.

association professional tour

↓

- ♪ Just keep that coffee hot ♪ - ♪ A-keep it hot ♪

coffee

↓

- ♪ Be sure you make a lot ♪ - This bag is a bitch.

bitch

↓

Henry, nine iron.

henry iron nine

↓

What?

↓

Sorr… I'm sorry.

↓

I… I got Old Henry on the brain today.

brain henry today

↓

Uh…

↓

It… Nine iron is the one with the "nine" on it.

iron nine

↓

Oh, like I would fucking know.

fucking

↓

- You got it. There. - There you are.

↓

Oh, come on.

↓

Cougar's gonna eat.

↓

What'd I say?

whatd

↓

What'd I say?

whatd

↓

"Cougar's gonna eat." You were rude about it.

rude

↓

Mangy cougar with low-hanging nuts, right?

cougar hanging nuts

↓

Hey, Lonnie, why don't you just start using this club from now on

club lonnie start using

↓

so I don't have to carry all this other shit?

carry

↓

Okay.

↓

Boo!

↓

Fucking nut boy.

fucking

↓

♪ Gonna have me some fun Until I see the sun in the sky ♪

fun

↓

♪ I'll be way up there ♪

↓

♪ But whatever I do I will come back to you by and by ♪

↓

- Really? - What?

↓

- Lonnie! - I don't think it's me.

lonnie

↓

Come on, it's you.

↓

- What? - In the bag.

↓

- Is it? - No phones, please.

phones

↓

Sorry. Yeah, I should take this.

↓

- Yeah, it's my son Lance. - What?

lance

↓

My son Lance. We're very tight.

lance tight

↓

With Old Henry's death, the family's going through a lot of emotion, so…

death emotion familys

↓

It'll take two seconds. Hey, Lancerino, what's shaking?

itll seconds shaking

↓

Where the fuck are you?

fuck

↓

Thank you. Thank you for asking. I'm doing great.

asking

↓

- I got a few holes left… - Are you serious?

holes left serious

↓

…I heard you, uh, flew down from Charles Schwab to make it.

charles flew heard

↓

Are you kidding me?

kidding

↓

Mom's here, Natalie's here.

moms

↓

There's a ton of people here, and everyone's expecting you to show up.

everyones expecting

↓

You know, I won Charles Schwab in 2006.

charles

↓

Jesus, Dad.

jesus

↓

I thought Old Henry meant something to you.

henry meant

↓

He does. I mean, he did.

↓

Look, I'm gonna pay my respects.

respects

↓

- Right now, you know, I'm on hole… - This is totally unacceptable.

hole unacceptable

↓

What hole is this? Oh, I'm on hole 11.

hole

↓

The 11th?

↓

Once I finish, I'll make my way down there.

finish

↓

Perfect. Dad, that's just great. Everyone will be gone by then.

gone perfect

↓

Oh shit. Okay.

↓

Well… I know! I'll text you something, right?

text

↓

And you can read it to everyone,

read

↓

and that way they'll know, uh…

↓

They'll know I'm there in spirit.

spirit

↓

Listen, I'm holding up play.

holding

↓

I gotta go.

↓

Dad…

↓

Un-fucking-believable.

believable fucking

↓

You can go ahead. If you could just be quiet, though,

ahead go-ahead quiet

↓

'cause I gotta text something very important.

text

↓

- And meaningful. - Are you fucking kidding?

fucking fucking-kidding kidding meaningful

↓

Hey, is everything okay?

↓

Yeah.

↓

He's not coming.

coming

↓

Oh.

↓

Stupid of me to think he was gonna show up.

stupid

↓

No. It's not stupid to want something.

stupid

↓

You wanna know what's stupid?

stupid

↓

Wanting something that doesn't want you back, but we all do it.

wanting

↓

Especially when we're young. You know what I mean, Natalie?

especially young

↓

Mom.

↓

- What are you doing? This is a memorial. - Oh, you have to try it!

memorial

↓

I brought a few extra cases of my Teed Off beverage.

beverage brought cases extra

↓

It's kind of like beta testing. You know, like the Pepsi Challenge.

beta challenge pepsi testing

↓

- You want one, Natalie? - I'm good.

↓

- Okay. - Thanks.

thanks

↓

Your mom's got a booze side hustle now?

booze hustle moms side

↓

Yeah.

↓

Canned cocktails are great.

canned cocktails

↓

I actually came up with the name.

name

↓

- Oh! - You get it?

↓

- Yeah. - It's layered, right?

↓

- Yeah. That's really funny. - "Teed off," like in golf, and also like…

funny golf

↓

Ticked off.

↓

- No, like iced tea. - Oh.

iced

↓

Yeah.

↓

So good.

↓

Yeah, baby.

baby

↓

Come on. Yes!

↓

Whoo! Oh yeah!

whoo

↓

Home runs and touchdowns!

home runs

↓

Can't… stop… me… now!

↓

Look what's going on!

↓

Come on, y'all. Drop it like it's hot.

drop yall

↓

That's just disrespectful.

disrespectful

↓

- Hey! - Here comes the club!

club comes

↓

- Get it! Shit. - Get it.

↓

Absolutely disgusting.

absolutely disgusting

↓

- Hey, Lonnie. - Yeah?

lonnie

↓

This is what you're doing to that golf ball here.

ball golf

↓

- Oh, I like that! - Just…

↓

- Good. - I like what you're doing, bud.

↓

Well, it's a cold brew tea infused with spirits.

brew cold spirits

↓

It's a "hard iced tea" as they say in the beverage biz.

beverage hard iced

↓

Tastes very oily.

tastes

↓

- Really? - Yeah.

↓

- Do you taste the peppermint? - No! Is there?

peppermint taste

↓

Peppermint, lemon, the black tea…

black lemon peppermint

↓

Hey, when I point at you, can you put on the sound of "Augusta"?

point sound

↓

The Masters theme song.

masters song theme theme-song

↓

Sorry.

↓

Check, check. Check, check.

check

↓

Uh, hey, everyone.

↓

As you know, um…

↓

my father could not be here today, but he has asked if I could

asked father today

↓

share his passions that he has so kindly texted to me.

kindly share texted

↓

"Old Henry… Well, here we are."

henry

↓

"God's 19th hole."

gods hole

↓

"Our final round."

final round

↓

"Our final tour."

final tour

↓

"A tradition like no other."

tradition

↓

"You weren't just a caddie, carrying my clubs,

carrying clubs

↓

raking the bunkers, tending the pin."

↓

"You were a friend, a father,

father friend

↓

sometimes even a son."

sometimes

↓

"And often, we were the only family each of us had."

family often

↓

Ha! Bullshit.

bullshit

↓

"You taught me that no matter what happens on the golf course,

course golf golf-course happens matter taught

↓

family comes first."

comes family

↓

Amen.

amen

↓

"Truer words have never been spoken."

spoken words

↓

- He's the one who taught us all, really. - "And now, here I leave you."

taught

↓

"For once, I will rake the trap."

trap

↓

"I will carry the clubs."

carry clubs

↓

"I will replace the pin

replace

↓

for you, my friend."

friend

↓

"Amen."

amen

↓

Beautiful! Beautiful!

↓

Well done. Well done.

↓

That's poetic.

poetic

↓

Stacy, I gotta tell you, this drink is amazing.

amazing drink stacy

↓

Oh! Bones, that makes me so happy. Thank you.

bones happy makes

↓

Is this the drink Lonnie used to make at all his parties?

drink lonnie parties used

↓

- Bones, here is your toothpick, sir. - Thank you.

bones

↓

It was at all those parties, but it's my drink.

drink parties

↓

I invented it, not Lonnie, contrary to popular belief.

belief contrary invented lonnie popular

↓

Well, it is tasty.

tasty

↓

You could be like Clooney and sell it for $1 billion.

billion sell

↓

That's such a good idea, Bones. Why didn't I think of that?

bones idea

↓

How did he get the name "Old Henry"?

henry name

↓

You know, as I recall, I think it was Lee Trevino

recall

↓

that started calling him that back in the 1970s.

calling started started-calling

↓

He told me it was his mother!

mother

↓

I thought his mother named him that when he was born.

born mother named

↓

Because he was wrinkled? Is that what she said?

wrinkled

↓

The boy looked old his whole life.

life looked whole whole-life

↓

Come on, now.

↓

That run that he and Lonnie had in 2010, that was something.

lonnie

↓

Yeah, one of the greatest runs in golf.

golf greatest runs

↓

Five Tour victories.

five tour victories

↓

- Almost six. - Yeah, he missed that putt in the US Open.

missed open putt

↓

- Where was that? Where was it? - Pebble Beach.

beach pebble

↓

- Pebble Beach! - Old Henry couldn't leave him after that.

beach henry pebble

↓

Now, I ain't snitching, but Old Henry had a daughter.

aint daughter henry

↓

- Spill the beans. Spill the tea. - I did not know this.

beans spill

↓

Because he liked to make sweet love.

liked love sweet sweet-love

↓

Well, he did like the ladies.

ladies

↓

The guy hasn't made a cut in years. I managed to be here.

managed years

↓

- He couldn't squeeze it in? - Don't let it get to you, okay?

squeeze

↓

We're here for Old Henry.

henry

↓

- Just ridiculous. - I know.

ridiculous

↓

- People seem to like this drink you made. - Thank you very much.

drink

↓

I'm actually in the market for a distributor if you happen to know anyone.

happen market

↓

No. Wellness is kind of my thing.

↓

Yeah, Natalie's actually gonna be a wellness influencer.

↓

So, maybe when she starts getting followers, she can post about it.

followers post starts

↓

Hmm.

↓

- Um… - Oh, don't sweat it.

sweat

↓

Listen, the way Lance has been playing, once I slap that handsome face on my cans,

cans face handsome lance playing slap

↓

I won't be able to make this stuff fast enough.

able fast stuff

↓

- Oh, that's right. - Excuse me for a second.

excuse second

↓

This looks good.

↓

You know Lance doesn't touch sugar or alcohol.

alcohol lance sugar touch

↓

Right. Well, he doesn't have to drink any.

drink

↓

You might wanna get back in there.

might

↓

You're missing all the stories about old caddies shitting their pants.

missing pants shitting stories

↓

Let me hurry up and grieve, and then I'll get to the shitting stories.

grieve hurry shitting stories

↓

That's a good call.

↓

- It's good to see you. - Yeah, you too.

↓

How long has it been?

↓

It's been a minute.

minute

↓

Yeah.

↓

Where's your dad at?

↓

Oh, he's… He's, uh, running late.

late running running-late

↓

Mmm. He's playing golf, ain't he?

aint golf playing

↓

- Yeah, he's playing golf. - Yeah.

golf playing

↓

Must be tough. He was such a good dad.

must tough

↓

Him?

↓

You know, I realized a long time ago that this does not have to be about them.

realized

↓

- What do you mean? - I mean, like, don't let your dad win.

↓

You know, your dad taught me how to play.

taught

↓

Yeah, he taught me how to play too.

taught

↓

Remember this summer in Pensacola?

remember summer

↓

- Oh, wow. - We didn't know anything, dude.

↓

And look at us now.

↓

Yeah.

↓

Okay, you know what? He was a good dad when he was around.

↓

Just he was never around.

↓

I'm gonna take his ashes and spread them where he told me to.

ashes spread

↓

At Pebble Beach, overlooking the ocean, at the 18th hole.

beach hole ocean pebble

↓

So…

↓

It's an iconic hole.

hole iconic

↓

Yeah.

↓

Definitely… illegal to spread a dead man's ashes there, though.

ashes dead illegal mans spread

↓

- Right? - Yeah.

↓

- Hmm. - I'm like 100% positive.

positive

↓

He also wanted me to have his watch, but I don't see it on him.

wanted watch

↓

I think someone took it.

↓

I don't think someone would take a dead guy's watch. That'd be fucked up.

dead fucked thatd watch

↓

- Good day out there, Lonnie? - What's the cut looking like?

lonnie looking

↓

Oh, they're projecting one under, maybe even.

↓

Well, guess I'll know in a couple hours whether it was a good day.

couple couple-hours hours whether

↓

Sam, I could really use a cold glass of white wine.

cold glass white white-wine wine

↓

Bag. Heavy. Very heavy.

heavy

↓

You like pickles?

pickles

↓

I love pickles.

love pickles

↓

This clubhouse here has Schneiderhoff pickles. That's…

clubhouse pickles

↓

That's the best pickle out there.

best pickle

↓

So tell me again, if you don't make the cut,

↓

like, we're just done here?

↓

Yup. You see that leaderboard up there?

leaderboard

↓

That there is what I live my life by. That line, that's the cut.

life line live

↓

- If you're below that line, you're out. - Mmm.

line

↓

I played pretty well today. Shot a 68.

played shot today

↓

That's about as well as I've played in a while.

played

↓

You know what's better than a 68?

↓

Mmm.

↓

- What? - 69.

↓

69, yeah. You hear that, Tanner?

tanner

↓

- You know what that is? - You get that? It's a sex joke.

joke

↓

So, are you in or out?

↓

Mmm…

↓

- The bubble. - So you could still win?

bubble

↓

I gotta make the cut.

↓

I haven't made a cut in a long time.

↓

Okay, well, if you did win, how much would you make?

↓

Mmm… I don't know, 150, 160.

↓

150 bucks?

bucks

↓

That ain't shit.

aint

↓

- Thousand. - What the fuck?

fuck thousand

↓

On the PGA Tour, we're talking millions.

millions tour

↓

Well, how do we get to the PGA?

↓

I gotta get hot. I gotta get on a streak.

streak

↓

I gotta win three Korn Ferry events, and then I'm back up.

events ferry korn three

↓

- Well, then get hot, bitch. - I'm trying to get hot, bitch.

bitch

↓

No excuses. No regrets.

excuses regrets

↓

Hey, how's it going?

↓

How's it going?

↓

Wouldn't happen to know the whereabouts of the driver of that car?

driver happen whereabouts

↓

- Nope. - A woman? Maybe looks, uh…

nope woman

↓

Looks something like this.

↓

- Oh yeah, I seen her. Yeah. - Yeah. She was here.

seen

↓

- Was? - Mm-hmm.

↓

Kind of important I find her.

↓

How important?

↓

It was really great to see you.

↓

- Yeah. - It's been too long.

↓

Yeah, you too, Lance. You too.

lance

↓

We should stay in touch.

touch

↓

Cool, yeah. If you're ever in LA, just hit me up.

cool

↓

I have all the good Korean barbecue recommendations.

barbecue korean

↓

- Oh yeah? - We should go.

↓

- Okay. - We should all go.

↓

Oh yeah, we should. That'd be fun, but we don't eat meat.

fun meat thatd

↓

- Oh. - It's too much metal.

metal

↓

We could get drinks, it's fine.

drinks

↓

- Oh, we don't drink either. - Watching carbs.

carbs drink watching

↓

- No drinking. Okay, just come sit with me. - Sugar…

drinking sugar

↓

- We will! Yeah. It'd be fun, yeah. - Yeah, we definitely will.

fun

↓

Okay, cool. Well, that's my car, so…

cool

↓

- Sorry, bye. Thank you for coming. - See ya.

coming

↓

Oh, Lance.

lance

↓

Don't let your daddy win.

daddy

↓

So we're just gonna stand here and wait to see if you made the cut?

stand

↓

What else are we gonna do?

↓

How far is that funeral?

funeral

↓

Oh, it's in Ocala, about a hour and a half away.

half hour

↓

Bet I could make it in an hour. Might be good to see him one last time.

hour might

↓

Should we go?

↓

No need. I already texted my son my eulogy.

texted

↓

It was very poetic.

poetic

↓

Oh, so it's not like a best friend or anything?

best best-friend friend

↓

- Loved him like a brother. - Free food.

brother food free free-food loved

↓

Shit, unless the wind picks up, I'm probably not making the cut anyway.

picks wind

↓

No excuses. No regrets.

excuses regrets

↓

Maybe I should visit my buddy one last time.

buddy visit

↓

Fire up the bus.

fire

↓

Come on, wind.

wind

↓

I need you at my back.

↓

Do it for Old Henry.

henry

↓

What's happening?

↓

- The wind's starting to pick up. - Is that good?

pick starting winds

↓

Not if you're out on the golf course trying to make the cut!

course golf golf-course

↓

Come on, wind!

wind

↓

Blow those balls to Timbuktu!

balls blow

↓

Crystal seemed nice.

crystal seemed

↓

Crystal? Yeah, she's great.

crystal

↓

Kind of looks like you guys had a little thing there.

↓

A "thing"?

↓

Yeah.

↓

What? No, it's not… a thing.

↓

It's just between Old Henry and my dad, it just…

henry

↓

- It's a lot to think about right now. - Yeah.

↓

Yeah, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean--

↓

I showed up in the middle of a fucking PGA Tour event,

event fucking middle showed tour

↓

and he's pissing around in some Korn Ferry and he can't even make it?

ferry korn pissing

↓

People process grief in different ways.

grief process ways

↓

He doesn't process shit.

process

↓

He doesn't care about me. He doesn't care about my mom.

care

↓

He doesn't care about Old Henry. He doesn't care about anybody.

anybody care henry

↓

Hey, Lance, you're going a little fast.

fast lance

↓

And then what, he literally phones in a eulogy and brings everyone to tears?

brings phones tears

↓

It's like people don't realize he's pulling it out of his ass.

pulling realize

↓

Lance, slow down a bit.

lance slow

↓

- What the fuck does this guy want? - He wants you to pull over.

fuck pull wants

↓

- You're going a million miles an hour. - Oh my God!

hour miles million million-miles

↓

- ♪ Embop ♪ - ♪ Du bop, ba dop ba ♪

↓

- ♪ Embop ♪ - ♪ Du bop, ba dop ba du ♪

↓

♪ Embop ♪

↓

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

↓

- Wait… what are you saying? - Were you saying…

↓

- Were you saying "Embop"? - I'm saying "Embop."

↓

- No, no. It's "Mmmbop." - What are you saying?

↓

- No. - Yeah, yeah.

↓

'Cause the title of the song is "Embop."

song title

↓

- No, but when you put M-M-M together… - I know, but that's how it's spelled.

spelled

↓

- That's "Mmm." - Watch the road!

road watch

↓

Oh, sorry.

↓

Babe, it's okay. It's just a speeding ticket.

babe speeding ticket

↓

We can handle a speeding ticket, okay?

handle speeding ticket

↓

Just breathe.

breathe

↓

In.

↓

And out.

↓

You're right. You're always right. I just…

↓

Just gotta find a way to center myself, you know.

center

↓

I gotta feel grounded. I don't feel grounded right now.

grounded

↓

Okay, well, how about when we get back to the hotel,

hotel

↓

I'll bring out the singing bowls.

bowls bring singing

↓

- I'll give you a sound bath. - That sounds so nice.

bath sound sounds

↓

- It will be nice. - Also we still have an hour on the road.

hour road

↓

Maybe you could give me a hand job while I drive?

drive hand

↓

You got it, babe. No problem.

babe problem

↓

- Quick tug? I got some lotion in-- - Just a warning, Mr. Hawkins.

hawkins lotion quick warning

↓

Just keep it slow. Big fan of your dad.

slow

↓

So fun. Love watching him play golf.

fun golf love watching

↓

So fun, yes.

fun

↓

Thank you for your service.

service

↓

Paw Patrol motherfucker.

motherfucker patrol

↓

- It's fine. - Scum. Fuck that guy.

fuck scum

↓

You got that? Here, take it. Give some out to your friends.

friends

↓

Get people talking.

↓

Emojis, influencers, likes, algorithms.

likes

↓

Good night, guys! You know, spread the word.

night spread word

↓

Look at your hustle. Just hustling like crazy.

crazy hustle

↓

- I'm tired. - ♪ Turn down for what? ♪

tired

↓

Oh God.

↓

Radley! Stace!

↓

I'm here! Was there a gospel choir?

choir gospel

↓

'Cause I love a gospel choir.

choir gospel love

↓

Un-fucking-believable.

believable fucking

↓

- You guys need some help loading up? - Hey, Lonnie. Um, no, we're…

loading lonnie

↓

We're fine. Radford and I can handle it.

handle radford

↓

- So I'm glad you could finally make it. - It's always great to see you, Stacy.

finally glad stacy

↓

Could you just give me one second?

second

↓

- Yep. Mm-hmm. - You could just wait in the car.

↓

Good.

↓

You really are a piece of shit, you know that? Old Henry?

henry piece

↓

You couldn't even show up for him? What the fuck is wrong with you?

fuck

↓

Why, Lonnie, 'cause you had to shoot another 84?

another lonnie shoot

↓

Hey, I shot a 68 today. I'm probably gonna make the cut.

shot today

↓

What? You've never made the cut!

↓

Do you understand that your son was in there waiting all day

waiting

↓

for his daddy to show up?

daddy

↓

Hoping, waiting, just like he did in sixth grade, eighth grade,

eighth eighth-grade grade hoping sixth sixth-grade waiting

↓

high school graduation, the time he got hit by the car.

graduation school

↓

When did he get hit by a car?

↓

- Lonnie. - Look… Okay, well, tell him I'm here now.

lonnie

↓

He's gone! Everyone's gone!

everyones gone

↓

And Old Henry would be gone too, but he's in there dead.

dead gone henry

↓

But then again, you knew that.

↓

Stace.

↓

I'm playing really well. I can feel it.

playing

↓

I wish you were there. I wish Lance was there.

lance wish

↓

Both of us, father and son, to be playing in a PGA Tour?

father playing tour

↓

- How great would that be? - It's a nice thought.

↓

Father and son, together, playing a game of golf…

father game golf playing

↓

Bullshit.

bullshit

↓

I'm serious!

serious

↓

- Can I kiss you? - No.

kiss

↓

- Do you wanna kiss me? - Lonnie… Radford is right over there.

kiss lonnie radford

↓

I can see, he's staring at us like a fucking weirdo.

fucking staring weirdo

↓

There is nothing in God's bag of miracles

gods miracles

↓

that could get you out of the Korn Ferry, back up to the PGA Tour.

ferry korn tour

↓

But, hey, if pigs start flying--

flying pigs start

↓

- Hold on! - I wasn't done.

↓

If you do make it back up to the PGA Tour,

tour

↓

I will cut your dick off.

dick

↓

I will marinate it in garlic and olive oil.

garlic olive

↓

Then I will slice it down the middle,

middle slice

↓

and I will grill it till it's nice and crispy.

crispy grill till

↓

And then I will gently place it in a warm brioche hot dog bun,

gently place warm

↓

and I will smother it in onions and brown mustard.

brown mustard onions smother

↓

And then I will feed it to a cage of hungry rats!

cage feed hungry rats

↓

Now I'm done!

↓

Okay, well, that's very fun, very descriptive.

fun

↓

But hold on. I care about Lance.

care lance

↓

- Come on. - I do!

↓

You don't give a shit about anyone but yourself.

↓

And I think that you're actually really afraid

afraid

↓

that that boy is going to eclipse the great Lonnie Hawkins.

hawkins lonnie

↓

He's already won two Tour events.

events tour

↓

And when he starts winning majors,

majors starts winning

↓

no one is ever gonna remember that you even lived.

lived remember

↓

Can I just say something? I'm just gonna throw it out there.

throw

↓

But what if you and I…

↓

…go out to dinner?

dinner

↓

Red Lobster.

lobster

↓

Bojangles. Your choice.

choice

↓

Dinner on me. My treat. I insist.

dinner insist treat

↓

Take the temperature down.

temperature

↓

I can buy my own Bojangles.

↓

Bye-bye. Good seeing you!

seeing

↓

Ex-wife?

wife

↓

Yeah.

↓

No. No.

↓

We're still married, yeah.

married

↓

You got a boner.

boner

↓

I know.

↓

God, she does that to me.

↓

You here to see the body?

body

↓

That body's my friend.

bodys friend

↓

Well, I'm closing your friend up in a few minutes if you wanna say goodbye.

closing friend goodbye minutes

↓

No excuses.

excuses

↓

No regrets.

regrets

↓

And, uh, sir?

↓

You have a boner.

boner

↓

Oh, I know.

↓

His name was Old Henry.

henry name

↓

He was born in Chula Vista, California.

born california

↓

Raised on a golf course.

course golf golf-course raised

↓

His dad was a greenskeeper, and his mother was Hollywood actress Louise Beavers.

actress hollywood louise mother

↓

He loved bacon and the show Night Court.

bacon court loved night

↓

He also happened to be my very best friend.

best best-friend friend happened

↓

Do you mind?

mind

↓

You got five minutes.

five five-minutes minutes

↓

Hey.

↓

Hey, you old fart.

fart

↓

I played pretty well today.

played today

↓

Yeah.

↓

Sorry you weren't able to see it.

able

↓

On account of being dead and all, I guess you…

account dead

↓

I guess you had a pretty good excuse.

excuse

↓

I gotta tell you, I think I got another run in me. I…

another

↓

I just wish I had you by my side.

side wish

↓

Boy, we sure had…

↓

We sure had a ball, didn't we?

ball

↓

Yeah.

↓

A lot of laughs.

laughs

↓

A lot of grabbing ass, if you know what I mean.

grabbing

↓

And I know that you know what I mean.

↓

Oh, I almost forgot. I'm sorry I…

forgot

↓

I'm sorry I stole your watch.

stole watch

↓

And considering…

considering

↓

I know how much it meant to you.

meant

↓

I'm not even a watch guy.

watch

↓

There.

↓

We're even.

↓

I'll see you, buddy.

buddy

↓

I love you.

love

↓

Oh shit!

↓

I got a tee time.

↓

I made the cut! Hey!

↓

Hey! Hey!

↓

I made the cut.

↓

Look! Old Henry, I made the cut!

henry

↓

Lonnie Hawkins, I'm him!

hawkins lonnie

↓

Hell yeah!

↓

I'm… I was just eavesdropping.

↓

- Sorry. - Oh my God. I did it.

↓

- We're playing on the weekend! - What?

playing weekend

↓

- We're playing on the weekend. - We're playing on the weekend!

playing weekend

↓

- Playing on the weekend! - Yeah!

playing weekend

↓

Come on, bring it in, titties.

bring titties

↓

- Lucky you showed up when you did. - Really? Why's that?

lucky showed whys

↓

Wouldn't be nothing to see. We're cremating him in half an hour.

half hour

↓

- You're cremating him? - Yep.

↓

That's what his daughter said to do.

daughter

↓

You know what?

↓

I forgot to tell him something.

forgot

↓

All right!

↓

Let's go get hot.

↓

♪ Holding me back from emotion ♪

emotion holding

↓

♪ Tumbling over the line ♪

line

↓

♪ 'Cause I'm guilty of devotion ♪

devotion guilty

↓

♪ Together in my mind ♪

mind

↓

♪ Darling, please be mine ♪

darling

↓

♪ Don't you think it'd be a shame ♪

shame

↓

♪ To keep me on the line? ♪

line

↓

♪ Keep me on the line… ♪

line

↓

♪ And find yourself another man ♪

another

↓

♪ Who knows you as well as I ♪

knows

↓

♪ As well as I… ♪

↓

♪ Holding me back from emotion ♪

emotion holding

↓

♪ Tumbling over the line ♪

line

↓

♪ 'Cause I'm guilty of devotion ♪

devotion guilty

↓

♪ Together in my mind ♪

mind

↓

♪ Darling, please be mine ♪

darling

↓

♪ Pain, honor, pleasure ♪

honor pain pleasure

↓

♪ Life is divine ♪

divine life

↓

♪ Holding me back from emotion ♪

emotion holding

↓

♪ Tumbling over the line ♪

line

↓

♪ 'Cause I'm guilty of devotion ♪

devotion guilty

↓

♪ Together in my mind ♪

mind

↓

♪ Darling, please be mine ♪

darling