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Home » The Hawk » S01E01 — The Hawk

The Hawk

Season 1, Episode 1 — The Hawk

TMDB episode metadata

Show: The Hawk

Episode title: The Hawk

Air date: July 16, 2026

Director: David Gordon Green

Top billed cast: Will Ferrell, Molly Shannon, Jimmy Tatro, Fortune Feimster

After experiencing a tragedy on the course, past-his-prime golfer Lonnie Hawkins decides to make one last stand to achieve his career Grand Slam.

Source: TMDB

↓

Welcome to day two of the W.H. Rawlings Tire Invitational

tire welcome

↓

on the Korn Ferry Tour.

ferry korn tour

↓

The cut is for the top 65 players and ties.

players ties

↓

Aim higher. Go further.

further higher

↓

Achieve greatness.

achieve greatness

↓

♪ Oh, the place where I worship… ♪

place worship

↓

For more information about our talent community,

community information talent

↓

contact Linda Batatata

contact linda

↓

or Cinda Trinsti at…

↓

the clubhouse desk.

clubhouse desk

↓

- Punch it! You gotta punch it! - I'm about to punch you, Lonnie!

lonnie punch

↓

God damn it, Old Henry. Seriously, move your ass.

henry

↓

We… are… going to… miss… my

miss

↓

tee time because of you.

↓

I will not have this!

↓

It's emotional abuse, and I'm not gonna stand for it.

abuse emotional stand

↓

Keep going! What are you doing? Run the red light! Go! Go!

light

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

- Yeah! - Oh shit!

↓

So, we're good.

↓

Keep going! Keep going!

↓

Next up for the 9:47 start,

start

↓

McNally, Han, Hawkins.

hawkins

↓

This is it, Old Henry. I've let you hang around for long enough.

hang henry

↓

You are done.

↓

- What? - You're fired!

fired

↓

Fired? You're gonna fire me?

fire fired

↓

Who's gonna carry your bag?

carry

↓

Wait! Left lane. Left! Left lane.

lane left

↓

Ahh!

↓

Ahh!

↓

God!

↓

You are a terrible driver.

driver

↓

And next on the tee, winner of the Korean Tour Order of Merit,

korean merit order tour winner

↓

Bobby Han.

bobby

↓

Hold on!

↓

Oh shit!

↓

Tear it up, Old Henry!

henry tear

↓

Whoo!

whoo

↓

And please welcome three-time major winner

major three welcome winner

↓

and former world number one

former number world

↓

from Yuba City, California,

california city

↓

Lonnie Hawkins.

hawkins lonnie

↓

Lonnie Hawkins?

hawkins lonnie

↓

Hey! Hey!

↓

Hey, man!

↓

Slow down!

slow

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

I'm Lonnie Hawkins! I'm a professional golfer.

golfer hawkins lonnie professional

↓

Look at my face.

face

↓

Look at my face!

face

↓

Get out the way!

↓

Lonnie Hawkins.

hawkins lonnie

↓

Classic Lonnie.

classic lonnie

↓

- I thought he retired. - Holy shit!

holy retired

↓

No one drives a bus like Old Henry.

drives henry

↓

Lonnie Hawkins?

hawkins lonnie

↓

Lonnie Hawkins?

hawkins lonnie

↓

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

↓

We're here. We're here.

↓

My caddie can't tell time, so it's not my fault.

fault

↓

- What? - Yeah. Hey, Dave, hey Bobby.

bobby dave

↓

- What the fuck is wrong with you? - Guy's a joke.

fuck joke

↓

All right. Let's get this show on the road.

road

↓

You guys already hit?

↓

There you go.

↓

What do we got here? A little Callaway One?

↓

Want to go for a little ride? Huh?

ride

↓

What's that?

↓

You have to speak up louder than that.

louder speak

↓

Oh, you want to go far?

↓

You want to go into outer space?

outer outer-space space

↓

You're gonna go flying through that air, screaming your head off with pure ecstasy…

ecstasy flying head pure screaming

↓

…as you explode into the cosmos.

explode

↓

Do the damn thing.

↓

Okay, let's do it. Let's go for a ride.

ride

↓

That's how it's done!

↓

Ha ha ha!

↓

That's how it's done!

↓

That's how it's done.

↓

- ♪ They call him the Hawk ♪ - ♪ Hawk ♪

hawk

↓

♪ He's a golfer ♪

golfer

↓

♪ The greatest golfer in the world! ♪

golfer greatest world

↓

I mean, you gotta try to imagine this steak, okay?

imagine steak

↓

Picture it, smothered in onions and mushrooms, right?

mushrooms onions picture

↓

Thick gravy. And then the side?

gravy side thick

↓

Oh, the most perfect baked potato.

baked perfect potato

↓

I mean, just swimming in sour cream and chives.

cream sour swimming

↓

- You making me hungry. - Here's the crazy thing.

crazy hungry

↓

It was just a random Outback somewhere outside of Dallas, you know?

dallas random

↓

I sure could use some of them Bloomin' Onions they got.

onions

↓

Well, that's Chili's. That's not Outback.

↓

- Oh, you old jackass. It's Outback. - What?

jackass

↓

No. Bloomin' Onion? No, no.

onion

↓

I'd bet my life, that's… that's Chili's.

life

↓

You don't know shit about shit. It's Outback.

↓

Okay, well, I do know this. Tonight, we're going to Carrabba's.

tonight

↓

I'm hungry for Italiano.

hungry

↓

Fuck Carrabba's. I'd rather eat cat shit with a knitting needle.

fuck knitting needle

↓

- I'm not going to Carrabba's. - Okay, well…

↓

- Yeah, that's you. - Well…

↓

Quiet, please! Shh!

quiet

↓

Shut your mouths! Please!

mouths

↓

Ha!

↓

Ready, set,

ready

↓

lights, camera…

camera lights

↓

Nice shot, Lonnie.

lonnie shot

↓

Yeah, you know it was a nice shot, Bobby.

bobby shot

↓

- You see that? - You damn right I did!

↓

The kind of shot you'd make back in the Sisqó era.

shot

↓

- "Thong Song." - Yes, sir.

song thong

↓

♪ Let me see your booty go Thong th-thong-thong-thong ♪

booty thong

↓

I love that song!

love song

↓

♪ She had dumps Like a truck, truck, truck ♪

dumps truck

↓

♪ Thighs like what, what, what ♪

thighs

↓

♪ Baby, move your butt, butt, butt ♪

baby butt

↓

♪ I think I'll sing it again… ♪

sing

↓

So, what's the cut at?

↓

One, maybe two over.

↓

♪ All night long ♪

night

↓

♪ Let me see that thong ♪

thong

↓

- ♪ Baby ♪ - ♪ Girl, I know you wanna show ♪

baby girl

↓

♪ That thong, th-thong-thong-thong ♪

thong

↓

Who wants some Lonnie juice here, huh?

juice lonnie wants

↓

Little fire in the hole?

fire hole

↓

It's "water"!

water

↓

♪ 'Cause she was livin' la vida loca ♪

livin

↓

♪ Had dumps Like a truck, truck, truck ♪

dumps truck

↓

♪ Thighs like what, what, what ♪

thighs

↓

♪ Baby, move your butt, butt, butt ♪

baby butt

↓

♪ I think I'll sing it again ♪

sing

↓

♪ She had dumps like a truck ♪

dumps truck

↓

♪ Truck, truck ♪

truck

↓

♪ Thighs like what ♪

thighs

↓

♪ What, what ♪

↓

♪ All night long ♪

night

↓

♪ Let me see that thong ♪

thong

↓

♪ Da-na, da-na ♪

↓

♪ Baby ♪

baby

↓

♪ That thong, th-thong-thong-thong ♪

thong

↓

♪ I like it when the beat goes ♪

beat

↓

♪ Baby, make your booty go ♪

baby booty

↓

♪ That thong, th-thong-thong-thong, yeah ♪

thong

↓

Chunked it. Hit it fat.

↓

Too much "Thong Song."

song thong

↓

Bunkers. I fucking hate bunkers.

fucking fucking-hate hate

↓

Lonnie.

lonnie

↓

Do you remember Doral 2009?

remember

↓

- No. - You made up five strokes in seven holes.

five holes seven

↓

Yes.

↓

Now that's a birdie up there.

birdie

↓

- I fucking love you, bud. - You got it.

fucking fucking-love love

↓

- I guess it's not my day today. - Hey, you can't think that way, kid.

today

↓

A lot of golf to be played.

golf played

↓

All it takes is one shot to change your day.

change shot takes

↓

Pay attention to Professor Emeritus Lonnie Hawkins.

attention hawkins lonnie professor

↓

Multiple degrees

degrees multiple

↓

in golf,

golf

↓

etiquette, and psychology.

psychology

↓

Oh my God!

↓

- Call the clubhouse. - Oh God.

clubhouse

↓

He's fine. He's just resting.

resting

↓

- We had a long travel day. I'm… - He's not breathing!

breathing travel

↓

He… He'll be okay. Let's, uh…

↓

Let's putt out.

putt

↓

Would you like to ride in the ambulance with him?

ambulance ride

↓

How would that work?

↓

Escort the deceased to the morgue with the EMTs and sign some papers.

deceased escort morgue papers sign

↓

No, no, no. I know… I'm just saying, my ball's up there.

balls

↓

What? I mark it, and we come back later?

mark

↓

No! Lonnie!

lonnie

↓

- What? - You have to withdraw. Game over.

game

↓

Withdraw? Carlos, no!

carlos

↓

I'm two feet from the pin.

feet

↓

Are you serious?

serious

↓

That's the shot of the day. I'm Lonnie Hawkins!

hawkins lonnie shot

↓

- Lonnie, your caddie just died. - I'm…

died lonnie

↓

I loved him so… I loved him so much, you know.

loved

↓

And, uh, he's gone.

gone

↓

And he's not coming back, and I can accept that.

accept coming

↓

But you gotta understand, Carlos.

carlos

↓

He'd want me to keep playing.

playing

↓

You can't play without a caddie.

↓

Those are the tournament rules.

rules tournament

↓

Well, then…

↓

Hey!

↓

- You, Suns jersey, wanna carry my bag? - Lonnie, stop.

carry jersey lonnie suns

↓

Hundred bucks for five holes, 200 for the weekend.

bucks five holes hundred hundred-bucks weekend

↓

Lonnie, withdraw. Old Henry is dead.

dead henry lonnie

↓

Dead.

dead

↓

Shit.

↓

God damn it, Old Henry.

henry

↓

I was about to go on a run.

↓

I was gonna race up the leaderboard

leaderboard race

↓

and we were gonna play ourselves back on to the Tour, but no.

tour

↓

You gotta drop dead.

dead drop drop-dead

↓

I guess I just gotta go it alone.

alone

↓

What are you doing?

↓

Huh?

↓

Oh, this is my… It's my watch.

watch

↓

- Are you serious? - Yeah.

serious

↓

He… He wears it. For me.

wears

↓

When I golf. And when I'm done playing,

golf playing

↓

he gives it back to me.

gives

↓

- It's what caddies do. - Mm-hmm.

↓

Well, I'm gonna have to write that down in my report. In case anyone asks.

asks case report write

↓

Oh, and this notebook? It has all the info of every golf course

course golf golf-course info notebook

↓

I've ever played on, so…

played

↓

I'm writing that down too.

writing

↓

Oh yes. And I lent him this cash.

cash lent

↓

- This is mine. I remember now. - How much?

remember

↓

I don't know. Like, s… s… seventy, 67?

↓

- Mmm… - It's like 20 bucks.

bucks

↓

Twenty bucks? I see two $100 bills right there.

bills bucks twenty twenty-bucks

↓

- Doesn't matter. Who's counting? - I am.

counting matter

↓

Three hundred.

hundred three three-hundred

↓

- That's some bullshit. - What's that?

bullshit

↓

You're not my favorite.

favorite

↓

♪ When it's twilight on the trail ♪

trail

↓

♪ And I jog along ♪

along

↓

♪ The world is like a dream ♪

dream world

↓

♪ And the ripple of the stream Is my song ♪

song stream

↓

♪ And the ripple of the stream Is my song ♪

song stream

↓

♪ We not done moving blues, moving ice ♪

blues moving

↓

♪ We not done fucking niggas' hos ♪

fucking

↓

♪ We not done Still running through the bows ♪

running

↓

♪ Who shot cuz? ♪

shot

↓

♪ I think I know who did it ♪

↓

♪ Who shot… ♪

shot

↓

- Hey. Take five. It's your dad. - Not now, Jerry.

five jerry

↓

Not now.

↓

It's your dad. And I want you to take a break anyway.

break

↓

Can we do this another time?

another

↓

I'm mid-grind. I'm jacked up on creatine right now.

grind jacked

↓

Lancelot! Who's that answering your phone?

answering lancelot phone

↓

You got a boyfriend over there?

boyfriend

↓

Not that I care. You know, love is love and all that crap, right?

care love

↓

What do you want, Dad?

↓

Look, I hate to drop this on you, but, um…

drop hate

↓

Old Henry died.

died henry

↓

Wait, what?

↓

Yeah. He croaked.

↓

Two minutes, amigo.

amigo minutes

↓

Oh shit. How?

↓

He died on a golf course. I mean, is there a better way to go?

course died golf golf-course

↓

I'm sorry, Dad. He was like family.

family

↓

I mean, he was my ride or die.

ride

↓

And… he died.

died

↓

I heard you were at the Phoenix Open. Uh, I'm up here in Sedona.

heard open sedona

↓

I'm just crushing it in a tournament. I was thinking, uh…

crushing thinking tournament

↓

Maybe when you're done with your round,

round

↓

we could spend a little time together, huh?

spend

↓

I don't know, Dad. I'm in the middle of a tournament.

middle tournament

↓

- Just think about it. - Okay. Yeah.

↓

Love you, bud.

love

↓

Hey. What was all that?

↓

My dad.

↓

Oh, money? Legal problems?

legal money problems

↓

Old Henry died.

died henry

↓

What?

↓

Oh my God. Babe, I'm so sorry.

babe

↓

Do you want to talk about it?

↓

No, I just gotta hit the cold plunge, that's all.

cold

↓

Well, listen, unprocessed grief can build up in the body.

body build grief

↓

It can be as toxic as nitrates.

toxic

↓

Good looking out.

looking

↓

Why don't we push breakfast? We can process together before meditation.

breakfast meditation process push

↓

- Yeah, good call. I like that. - And, babe?

babe

↓

You look great.

↓

♪ When you're smiling ♪

smiling

↓

♪ When you're smiling ♪

smiling

↓

♪ The whole world ♪

whole whole-world world

↓

♪ Smiles with you ♪

smiles

↓

Ooh-la-la.

↓

♪ And when you're laughing… ♪

laughing

↓

Ugh, Cupcake Chardonnay.

chardonnay cupcake

↓

Ugh!

↓

- Hey. - Greetings.

greetings

↓

Hey, buddy.

buddy

↓

- Beautiful night, huh? - Oh yeah.

night

↓

- Oh yeah. It's nice out. - Beautiful night. Nice night.

night

↓

Doesn't get better than this.

↓

Arizona is known for their beautiful nights.

arizona known nights

↓

They don't have daylight savings time, so they have more night.

daylight night savings

↓

- That's right. I always forget that. - Yeah.

forget

↓

Because if you start a job at noon and it's done by 1:00…

noon start

↓

- Mm-hmm. - …it's still noon.

noon

↓

Ben Franklin came up with that.

franklin

↓

Yeah.

↓

If they could just fix their roads, it'd be the perfect state.

perfect roads state

↓

Who's the, uh, drummer?

drummer

↓

Oh, I don't know.

↓

She pushed that car in here like an hour before you pulled in.

hour pulled pushed

↓

I give her about an hour until she calls her daddy to come fix that Caddy.

calls daddy hour

↓

Golden Fisk, you think you're hot shit, don't you?

golden

↓

You're not hot shit.

↓

You smug son of a bitch.

bitch smug

↓

- Hey, how much for the boy? - What's "the boy"?

↓

The car… The golf boy. The cardboard. The cutout.

cardboard golf

↓

Oh, that ain't for sale. That's one of those promotional things.

aint sale

↓

Well, okay. How much do you want for it?

↓

Twenty bucks.

bucks twenty twenty-bucks

↓

Hey. What's the problem?

problem

↓

- Huh? - You're having car troubles?

having troubles

↓

Shit car. Nothing I can't handle.

handle

↓

- Here. - Ha.

↓

- Some potato chips. - Gracias.

chips gracias potato potato-chips

↓

You got it. I hope you get it fixed.

fixed hope

↓

You know, I can, uh… I can fix just about anything.

↓

Motors, electronics, things like that.

electronics

↓

Not me. If that bus over there breaks down, I lose my shit.

breaks lose

↓

Ah, I got a trick for that. What was your favorite candy bar when you were a kid?

candy favorite trick

↓

Milky Way. Why?

milky

↓

Well, next time you're about to lose your shit,

lose

↓

get yourself a delicious Milky Way.

delicious milky

↓

- Uh-huh. - Delicious beats bullshit every time.

beats bullshit delicious

↓

It works.

works

↓

Well, good luck with the car.

luck

↓

- Thank you. - All right.

↓

- Thanks for the Takis. - You got it.

thanks

↓

Funny you like Milky Ways, because I liked Baby Ruth.

baby funny liked milky ruth ways

↓

- I was kind of a weird kid. - Yeah.

weird

↓

- I mean, who likes Baby Ruth? - Baby Ruth's all right.

baby likes ruth

↓

- They're not even named after Babe Ruth. - Okay.

babe named ruth

↓

It's named after Grover Cleveland's daughter, Ruth.

daughter named ruth

↓

Oh, I didn't know that.

↓

She wasn't even a baby.

baby

↓

Delicious beats bullshit.

beats bullshit delicious

↓

All right. Good night.

night

↓

Stacy, I saw that your son is at the top of the leaderboard in the Phoenix Open.

leaderboard open stacy

↓

- Yes. I'm so excited! - Stacy, that's wonderful.

excited stacy

↓

Thank you. Well, I'm very proud of Lance. He's very determined.

determined lance proud

↓

And he's got the prettiest little thing for a fiancée.

↓

I mean, just cute as a button. She's a…

button cute

↓

She says she's an aspiring wellness influencer.

↓

Whatever the heck that means.

heck

↓

It means she needs a job, Radford. That's what that means.

needs radford

↓

I'm so sorry, ma'am, but your card has been declined.

card declined maam

↓

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

fucking fucking-kidding kidding

↓

God damn it.

↓

- Hel… Hello? - Fuck you, Lonnie!

fuck lonnie

↓

Fuck you big-time!

fuck

↓

Straight up the ass! Straight up the ass!

straight

↓

Okay. Colorful language early in the morning.

colorful early language morning

↓

Can you explain to me how my credit card just got declined?

card credit credit-card declined explain

↓

- Was it Citibank? - Yeah.

↓

Yeah, I maxed that one out. I had to get satellite for the bus.

satellite

↓

But I bundled, so it's kind of good news.

news

↓

Do you understand that I'm trying to get my business off the ground,

business ground

↓

and you are just putting us further and further and further into debt?

debt further putting

↓

It's stressful, Lonnie.

lonnie stressful

↓

Hey, sugar. It only takes one Tour victory. You know that.

sugar takes tour victory

↓

You haven't been on the Tour in seven years, you dickless cunt.

cunt dickless seven seven-years tour years

↓

There's a big variety of words in the English language.

english language variety words

↓

So, do you have to keep returning to the same five or six?

five returning

↓

And by definition, a cunt is dickless.

cunt definition dickless

↓

A cunt doesn't have a dick, so it's just redundant.

cunt dick redundant

↓

Let me tell you something. If you ever embarrass me again

embarrass

↓

with a denied credit card,

card credit credit-card denied

↓

I will split your head open and take a dump inside, you fuckface.

dump fuckface head open split

↓

And also…

↓

- Wow. - …sign the divorce papers, asshole.

asshole divorce papers sign

↓

And also, I wanted to say I heard about Old Henry,

heard henry wanted

↓

and I'm very sorry to hear that.

↓

On a separate note.

note separate

↓

- Real quick, what are you wearing? - Lonnie. No, don't.

lonnie quick real real-quick wearing

↓

- Okay. Yeah. - I gotta go.

↓

God, it smells like shit in here. Oh, that's why.

smells

↓

You are a ball. I am a man.

ball

↓

Classic redemption story.

classic redemption story

↓

We both come from humble beginnings, yet together we will reach

humble reach

↓

unimaginable heights.

heights

↓

Tell no one of our transgressions

↓

in the greater Scottsdale area.

area greater

↓

Ow.

↓

You cheeky strawberry ball.

ball cheeky strawberry

↓

You bit me.

↓

You really gotta do this every hole? It's mini golf.

golf hole mini

↓

I know. I know. We're getting there.

↓

Okay. Plays a little right to left. You know the reason why I know that?

left plays reason

↓

'Cause I walked the course an hour before you got here.

course hour walked

↓

- You walked the course before I got here? - Shh! Quiet, please.

course quiet walked

↓

- Oh! - Oh, yikes.

yikes

↓

- Oh, that's not how it's done. - Nope.

nope

↓

- You know what your problem is? - What's that?

problem

↓

Despite all that pre-shot bullshit,

bullshit despite shot

↓

you still got no focus.

focus

↓

That's how you do it.

↓

- You taking notes? - No, I saw. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

notes

↓

With this little plastic putter too.

plastic

↓

I'll give it to you. That's a good shot.

shot

↓

You can't win now, you know. You gotta hole out on 18 just to tie.

hole

↓

- Wait. You're actually keeping score? - Oh, like you weren't.

keeping keeping-score score

↓

No, I just thought this was a… friendly father-son rendezvous.

father friendly

↓

- I didn't know it was a real game. - Sounds like too much pressure for ya.

game pressure real sounds

↓

- Too much pressure? - Yeah.

pressure

↓

All right, hotshot. Next hole, I tie, you buy.

hole hotshot

↓

Great.

↓

- Hmm. - By the way, that…

↓

- Even though it bounced out, that counts. - Yeah, it counts.

bounced counts

↓

Lonnie Hawkins here on the 18th hole

hawkins hole lonnie

↓

with a must-make putt if he wants to stay in this.

must putt wants

↓

He's probably thinking Pebble Beach 2010.

beach pebble thinking

↓

His one chance at all four majors.

chance four majors

↓

He choked then.

choked

↓

He'll probably choke now.

choke

↓

No-look putt.

putt

↓

Uh-huh.

↓

- It's in. - No.

↓

- Zero discipline, Dad. - Yeah!

discipline zero

↓

No.

↓

- No. - Ugh.

↓

Look, I missed on purpose. That's what dads do.

dads missed purpose

↓

The problem is…

problem

↓

…the cookie dough gets caught in the straw sometimes.

caught cookie cookie-dough dough sometimes straw

↓

- Sure you don't want any? - Yeah, I'm sure.

↓

And the problem is dairy.

dairy problem

↓

- Chemical additives, sugar. - Uh-huh.

chemical sugar

↓

You're out of breath just sucking on that fucking thing.

breath fucking sucking

↓

Why don't you just do meth?

meth

↓

'Cause it's not as delicious.

delicious

↓

- Why are you out here, Dad? - What do you mean?

↓

I'm having a great day with my only son,

having

↓

who I love about as much as this… delicious shake.

delicious love shake

↓

You know what I mean.

↓

Why are you still driving the old tour bus around?

driving tour

↓

I'm chasing the career Grand Slam.

career chasing grand slam

↓

What?

↓

You've been in the Korn Ferry seven years. You haven't won shit.

ferry korn seven seven-years years

↓

You afraid I'm gonna make it back on the Tour?

afraid tour

↓

Huh? Make you look bad?

↓

No, I would fucking crush you, Dad.

crush fucking

↓

- You would not crush me. - Know what the guys are saying?

crush

↓

They're saying I'm the Hawk now.

hawk

↓

- You're fucking with me. - No.

fucking

↓

You're fucking with me.

fucking

↓

- Ah. - It's not gonna work.

↓

'Cause you know what? I play the game up here, kid.

game

↓

I have an animal brain.

animal brain

↓

Nice try.

↓

Why don't you just retire?

retire

↓

Join the Senior Tour.

join senior tour

↓

Senior Tour's for seniors. You wouldn't say that to Mickelson.

senior seniors

↓

Mickelson doesn't owe his wife half a million dollars.

dollars half million million-dollars wife

↓

- Why don't you just join the LIV Tour? - The Arab League?

join league tour

↓

Whoa…

whoa

↓

- What? - I don't… I don't think you can say that.

↓

It's not real golf.

golf real

↓

It is. They're throwing real money around.

money real throwing

↓

It's not about money. It's about winning that fourth major.

fourth major money winning

↓

Besides, money problems that your mom and I have, that's between us.

besides money problems

↓

Yeah, well, she needs the money.

money needs

↓

Well, what about, uh, that dork she hangs out with?

dork hangs

↓

- Isn't he rich? - Who, Radford?

radford rich

↓

Radford! Yeah, Radford.

radford

↓

She doesn't want his money. She wants her money.

money wants

↓

Did she send you here to tell me that?

send

↓

If this was coming from Mom, there'd be a lot more swearing.

coming swearing thered

↓

- There would. - Yeah.

↓

God, greatest woman of all time.

greatest woman

↓

Sexy as all get out.

sexy

↓

- Okay. - Sexy!

sexy

↓

- You're talking about my mom. - I know. My wife. Your mom.

wife

↓

- Okay. - Sexy.

sexy

↓

- All right. - Can I be honest with you about something?

honest

↓

Go ahead.

ahead go-ahead

↓

Okay. Your stance when you're hitting your irons…

hitting irons stance

↓

- Oh my God. - It's a little bit off.

↓

You need to move your back leg just…

↓

about a half a dick's length.

dicks half length

↓

Just back. You get a lot more power, a lot more leg.

power

↓

Is that half your dick's length or half my dick's length?

dicks half length

↓

- It's a big difference. - Well, my dick is your dick.

dick difference

↓

'Cause your dick came out of my dick.

dick

↓

No, I'm pretty sure I got my dick genes from Mom's side.

dick genes moms side

↓

You got your dick genes from me. She has vagina genes.

dick genes vagina

↓

- No. - I'll take a test any day of the week.

test week

↓

- Does it show… - It'll show that I--

itll

↓

- It shows what side the dick comes from? - Predominant… Yes.

comes dick shows side

↓

It'll prove that I have the dick genes.

dick genes itll prove

↓

I think this is my cue.

↓

Wait, that's it?

↓

What do you mean, "that's it"? We've been here for four hours.

four four-hours hours

↓

Has it… Really?

↓

Yeah. And plus, I gotta go look at my swing tapes.

plus swing tapes

↓

I got date night. I got things to do.

date date-night night

↓

Oh yeah. Hey, uh…

↓

How's Denise?

denise

↓

- Who? - Denise!

denise

↓

Who the fuck is Denise?

denise fuck

↓

You know, your… your gal.

↓

Natalie?

↓

Oh yeah. Natalie.

↓

Natalie's great. And we're engaged.

engaged

↓

All right, well, hey! I missed on purpose.

missed purpose

↓

Bye, Dad.

↓

There's only one Hawk. Heh.

hawk

↓

Come on, Lonnie.

lonnie

↓

Jesus H. Christ.

christ jesus

↓

Mr. Hawkins. We're closing. I gotta cut the lights.

closing hawkins lights

↓

- Okay, but I still got two buckets left. - Yeah, I know.

buckets left

↓

Policy.

policy

↓

Good night, Golden.

golden night

↓

I'll fucking kill you.

fucking fucking-kill kill

↓

Come on.

↓

Stop laughing at me!

laughing

↓

This one's for you, turkey tits.

ones tits turkey

↓

Yeah.

↓

- Hey. - What are you still doing here?

↓

- Thought you'd be gone. - I need a part.

gone part

↓

The junkyard doesn't open up till Monday.

junkyard monday open till

↓

- Oh. - I looked you up.

looked

↓

You were a big shot golfer.

golfer shot

↓

I still am a big shot golfer.

golfer shot

↓

What are you doing here?

↓

My son Lance, he plays on the Tour.

lance plays tour

↓

So I'm gonna head over to Wild Wings and watch him on TV.

head watch wild wings

↓

Your kid a golfer like you?

golfer

↓

I wouldn't say like me. He's a golfer. Yeah. You like golf?

golf golfer

↓

Do I look like I do?

↓

It seems like a huge waste of time.

huge seems waste

↓

Best waste of time in the world.

best waste world

↓

Oh, hey.

↓

Ah, I got you a present.

present

↓

Oh.

↓

Thank you. I like your hair, by the way.

hair

↓

It's like we go to the same barber.

barber

↓

Scottie Scheffler here with a putt more difficult than it looks.

difficult putt

↓

He's got just over 30 feet for birdie.

birdie feet

↓

Yeah, most players have been leaving this putt well out to the left.

leaving left players putt

↓

They think that ridge is going to make it swing right,

ridge swing

↓

but the grain's holding it out there.

holding

↓

Let's go over to 12, our leader.

leader

↓

Hawkins Jr. has gotten himself into a bit of a mess.

gotten hawkins mess

↓

I would not want to be in his shoes right now.

shoes

↓

The way Scheffler and Morikawa are playing,

playing

↓

he can't afford to drop any shots if he wants to maintain his lead.

afford drop lead maintain shots wants

↓

It looks like he's going with a 7-iron.

iron

↓

- I don't know what he's thinking here. - Something we're not seeing?

seeing thinking

↓

Come on, son. Half a dick's length back.

dicks half length

↓

Hoo-hoo!

↓

- Like I told you. That's my son. - That's the shot of the day.

shot

↓

- Maybe the tournament. - That's my son. Shot of the day!

shot tournament

↓

- How did he do that? - I'll tell you how he did it.

↓

He listened to his old man. That's how he did it.

listened

↓

That's my kid.

↓

He's doing a phenomenal job.

↓

His father used to come with incredible shots.

father incredible shots used

↓

- I sure fucking did. - But that was something special.

fucking special

↓

Yeah, as good as Lonnie Hawkins was at getting out of trouble,

hawkins lonnie trouble

↓

I don't know that he could have made that shot.

shot

↓

Oh, shut the fuck up.

fuck

↓

Kid is in a league of his own.

league

↓

He's got Lonnie's bravery, that's for sure.

bravery

↓

- I don't know about that. - But the skill is next-level.

level skill

↓

With one tour win already and a couple top-tens under his belt,

belt couple tens tour

↓

- he's going to be in the conversation… - Excuse me.

conversation excuse

↓

You mind changing the channel? I'm sure there's some other sports.

changing channel mind sports

↓

I wouldn't be surprised if he eclipsed his dad one day.

surprised

↓

- Want to change the channel, please? - Oh yeah.

change channel

↓

This kid is better than his father ever was.

father

↓

Yeah, he's probably sitting in a bar somewhere

sitting

↓

wishing he were back on the Tour again.

tour wishing

↓

What a waste of talent.

talent waste

↓

I heard he maxed out his credit card to get satellite for his bus.

card credit credit-card heard satellite

↓

What a loser.

loser

↓

I hear he's still chasing that Grand Slam.

chasing grand slam

↓

Let's be honest, the only Grand Slam he'll ever get is at Denny's.

grand honest slam

↓

Ah, that dickless cunt, he's never coming back.

coming cunt dickless

↓

Hey, Lonnie, go to the Salvation Army, drop off your clubs,

army clubs drop lonnie salvation

↓

find an open grave and jump in it, because you are not the Hawk anymore.

anymore grave hawk jump open

↓

I hear you, but what if he won three Korn Ferry Tour events?

events ferry korn three tour

↓

What if he got back on the PGA Tour?

tour

↓

Imagine if he finally won that US Open,

finally imagine open

↓

completes the Slam.

slam

↓

That would be one of the greatest stories ever told.

greatest stories

↓

So go ahead, Lonnie.

ahead go-ahead lonnie

↓

Enjoy that Milky Way.

enjoy milky

↓

Sir.

↓

I put the game on for you.

game

↓

I'm not done yet.

↓

Lonnie Hawkins isn't done, all right? I'm the Hawk, not him.

hawk hawkins lonnie

↓

And I'm gonna enjoy this Milky Way, God damn it.

enjoy milky

↓

Okay.

↓

Enjoy.

enjoy

↓

Delicious… beats bullshit.

beats bullshit delicious

↓

Delicious beats bullshit.

beats bullshit delicious

↓

Hey! Wake up!

wake

↓

I didn't do shit!

↓

Yes, you did. You were right! The candy bar was a miracle.

candy miracle

↓

It did the trick.

trick

↓

You want a job?

↓

What kind of job?

↓

- I need a caddie. - What's a caddie?

↓

Carry my golf clubs around. You carry a bag full of golf clubs.

carry clubs full golf golf-clubs

↓

Uh…

↓

- How much? - I'll give you 500 a day.

↓

- Just for carrying a bag of clubs? - If I win, I'll give you 3,000.

carrying clubs

↓

Oh… fuck you!

fuck

↓

- Yeah, right. - Yeah. No, no lie.

↓

No lie.

↓

Well… are you gonna win?

↓

- Damn straight. - All right.

straight

↓

- Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna win. Yeah! - I like that. You can do that.

↓

Tournament's in Georgia.

georgia

↓

- You like Georgia? - I love Georgia.

georgia love

↓

All right. When we're done, I'll drive you back. You can fix your car.

drive

↓

That's not my car. I'll just grab my shit, and we'll go.

grab

↓

- Okay. - All right.

↓

Oh, uh…

↓

Just to be clear,

clear

↓

I'm not gonna fuck you.

fuck

↓

Let's do it. Shake a titty bone. Let's go. I don't pay you to stand around.

bone shake stand titty

↓

All right. Let's do this!

↓

You're gonna be a caddie!