It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 11, Episode 8 — Charlie Catches a Leprechaun

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Okay, gather round, everybody.
#1
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Gather round, please.
#2
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Yeah, I have a presentation.
#3
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Now, because of everyone's A.D.D., I know I'm gonna
#4
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lose your attention in about three minutes,
#5
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- and Frank's gonna fall asleep. - No way.
#6
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I slept 26 hours last night.
#7
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You still seem sleepy. Can I start my presentation?
#8
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- Where's the easel? - I'm not using an easel. Don't interrupt.
#9
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- You want me to go get the projector? - No, I don't want the projector.
#10
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- And I don't want the easel. - What are you gonna point with?
#11
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Don't want whatever the hell you're gonna say.
#12
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It's all gonna be old and outdated, all right?
#13
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Let me start my presentation, which is actually about that.
#14
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It's about innovation. Not taking questions. Goddamn.
#15
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Let me do my thing. Stop interrupting.
#16
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Okay, so, um, as we all know, um, tomorrow is St. Paddy's Day,
#17
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traditionally our most profitable day.
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However, recently, profits have been declining.
#19
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Every year. And we need to change.
#20
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These days, people like to have things on demand.
#23
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Instead of having to go to a bar,
#24
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we will bring the bar to you.
#25
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Oh, is that, like, a car service type of thing?
#26
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Where we pick people up and take 'em around from bar to bar
#27
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and jack up the prices?
#28
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The Paddy's wagon is the bar.
#30
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No, Dennis. If we want to make money,
#31
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we need to honor ancient Irish traditions,
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like serving an irresponsible amount of booze to people
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who are genetically predisposed to having alcohol problems.
#34
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Right. St. Patrick started that tradition,
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and that's why we celebrate him today.
#36
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Yeah... No, that's not what he did.
#37
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He played the flute for some kids,
#38
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and then he lured them into a cave somewhere,
#39
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- and he diddled them. - Nah.
#40
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- You got him mixed up with the Pied Piper. - Right.
#41
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St. Patrick didn't play the flute.
#42
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He drove the kids out of Ireland.
#43
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And then he molested 'em.
#44
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No, no, if St. Patrick molested kids,
#45
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- he would be regarded as a scoundrel. - No, no, no.
#46
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I feel like, in the olden days of the Catholic Church,
#47
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pedophiles were regarded as heroes.
#48
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All right, look, guys, uh,
#49
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- He drove the snakes out of Ireland. - I don't know about all this.
#51
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I kind of want to just do the traditional thing
#52
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- and trying to catch the leprechaun. - No!
#54
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We don't want to do the leprechaun thing again.
#55
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- Stop, guys... - I'm gonna catch one.
#56
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- I'm this close. - You're not gonna catch him
#57
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You know what... I don't even know
#59
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if I've set up my glue traps for him yet.
#60
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Enough with the leprechaun!
#61
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- Can you believe him? - Okay, wait.
#62
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- Who cares? I'm trying to... - You know what
#63
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I might want to get myself a flute.
#64
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I feel like it's a really fun...
#66
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Go get a flute!
#68
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Everybody go get a flute!
#69
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...in the sixth grade, I feel like it's kind of simple.
#70
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Frank, look...
#71
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Let me explain it to you, at least.
#72
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No, he's gone.
#73
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Okay.
#74
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So, Frank... here's the plan.
#75
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We're gonna fill the wagon with hip, attractive clientele.
#76
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We're gonna use my streamlined system to process drink orders.
#77
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We're gonna take photographs with a retro filter for the Web site.
#78
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to comment and spread brand awareness
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over various social media platforms.
#81
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That seems insanely complicated. Why don't we just take cash?
#82
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No. What I'm talking about's way simpler than cash.
#83
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It's... It's streamlined.
#84
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- I'm lost. - I'm trying to explain it to you.
#85
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- I feel like you're not listening. - I...
#86
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Top o' the morning, you filthy lads.
#87
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I'm fixing to have a whale of a time in this here mobile pub.
#88
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I'm sorry... What is this?
#89
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Yeah. Why?
#91
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- 'Cause it's fun. - No.
#92
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I thought that's the thing about St. Patrick's Day...
#93
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People want clownery and they want to embrace
#94
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- the Irish stereotypes. - No. This isn't innovative.
#95
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It's outdated and it's gonna offend people.
#96
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Okay, Frank, look... No guns.
#98
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Okay, trust me, I got this.
#100
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- Frank, you're gonna drive. - Drive.
#101
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Dee, you're gonna serve drinks.
#102
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As a human being. A real one.
#103
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- Mmm. - Guys, I'm gonna provide...
#104
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the experience.
#105
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Ooh.
#106
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- Okay. - Yeah, right?
#107
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- Yeah, I like this. - Nice.
#108
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See, I told you. I know what I'm doing.
#109
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Come on, let's go.
#110
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Frank, you're driving.
#111
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Ho! Check it out, Mac, got some cool stuff.
#113
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Great. Why?
#115
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The snakes, 'cause we... I don't remember
#116
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where we landed on St. Paddy, but I remember snakes were involved.
#117
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And the green paint's for the beer.
#118
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But why not just use food coloring for the beer?
#120
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'Cause beer's not a food.
#121
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When was the last time you ate a beer?
#122
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When was the last time you drank paint?
#123
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Have you been drinking paint?
#124
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No.
#125
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Let me see your tongue.
#126
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Oh, my God, dude!
#127
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- Oh, that shit's disgusting! - It's not bad.
#128
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- You can't drink paint. - I know. I hear you.
#129
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You say that, but I don't think that you're gonna stop.
#130
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I get it, though, man. It's right.
#131
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I feel like you're saying you get it, but you don't get it.
#132
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- It's cool. - It's not cool.
#133
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- It is what it is. - Oh, my God,
#134
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this is so frustrating!
#135
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I'm gonna go down to the basement
#136
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and I'm gonna check out my glue traps
#137
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- and see if I got a leprechaun in there. - Wait, no, no.
#138
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We said no leprechaun this year.
#139
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You're not chasing leprechauns.
#140
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I know, and I forgot where we landed on that.
#141
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I got these great cookie sheets, they're filled with glue, so...
#142
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It's a frustrating thing. It's like the guy doesn't
#144
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listen to us, man, when we're trying to get through to him.
#145
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It's a bummer.
#146
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No, not you. Keep moving, let's go,
#147
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come on. You kidding me?
#148
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Oh, hey, there, fellas.
#149
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What's going on? Where you going? You know what?
#150
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Don't answer that. Because I already know.
#151
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You're going for a ride in the Paddy's Wagon.
#152
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Oh, cool. Is this, like, a car service thing?
#153
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Can you take us to Center City?
#154
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No, it's not a goddamn car service. Why does everyone...
#155
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Get in that wagon right now or I'm gonna
#156
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sock you a good one right in the kisser!
#157
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Yeah, you dumb bi...
#158
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- What the hell are you doing? - Just innovating.
#159
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I took the Paddy's wig and I cut it into an awesome beard.
#160
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- Great new character. - No.
#161
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- Hilarious. - You've just created another
#162
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The Fighting Irish... it's true.
#164
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That's what Irish people do.
#165
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They get drunk, they fight people.
#166
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Look, guys, don't pay attention to her.
#167
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I want to give you an authentic, uh,
#168
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once-in-a-lifetime experience here.
#169
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No, no. It's not a bang bus, okay?
#171
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Look... Just get in the wagon,
#172
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- I'll give you a ride to Center City. - Get in.
#173
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Gentlemen, let me walk you through how our simple business works.
#174
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God, take it easy, Frank!
#175
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Don't tell me how to drive, you bitch.
#176
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Let's keep it light for the customers, all right, Frank?
#177
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As I was saying, fellas, what you're gonna
#178
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need to do is you, uh, you're gonna
#179
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log in using Facebook, and you're gonna watch
#181
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a brief, 30-second advertisement.
#182
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And then once we receive your online order,
#183
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you will promptly be served a beer.
#184
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- Can't I just pay you cash? - That's what I...
#185
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No, cash is the way that antiquated companies do business.
#186
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I just want a beer. I don't really
#187
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want you to have all my personal information.
#188
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"A beer. Just want a beer. Don't want you to have my..."
#189
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Yeah.
#190
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Look, if I just gave you a beer and you just gave me cash,
#191
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then you wouldn't be able to experience
#192
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everything that we've got to offer here, okay?
#193
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Look, I'll show you. Let me just pull up my...
#194
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But, uh, can't get the goddamn thing to go online.
#196
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Dee, why don't you just give 'em a couple free beers?
#198
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We'll call 'em "freemiums."
#199
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Don't know if you're familiar with that term.
#200
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- This is like all foam. - Dee, you goddamn bitch!
#201
dbb6a54e-b316-4bba-8684-691ee20293e4.gif
Hey! Oh, this thing's bouncing around
#202
6cefe97c-baf0-4b5c-9800-d787461664ee.gif
like a pinball. Don't blame me.
#203
1fec8625-032a-4526-8137-1139998e3a55.gif
Keep it light, you bitch!
#204
f0bd1d73-e89b-4a4d-9aa0-597786c2b7b9.gif
- All right. - This is weird.
#205
c06ef130-0e3f-4c92-9716-d052651eb22f.gif
Hey, it's locked. Can you guys let us out?
#207
8df51aa3-c8e2-43bf-87e4-475e0818fe15.gif
Why would you call the cops? We're just hanging out!
#209
ba23679c-c495-47c3-bce3-83bfc59bac29.gif
All right, stop. All right, oh, oh, oh, oh. Push "end." End.
#210
bfc99e8c-f5e7-4608-9506-f9e51982e0e9.gif
Give the phones to the girl.
#211
05f0653a-a7c7-4f59-a485-10f3bbad82a7.gif
Let's go. I don't want to have to do this shit.
#212
302fff37-fb69-4fd9-bc5f-751d734c2e9d.gif
Frank, we got to pivot the business.
#213
7f75df3e-b1f7-4fc1-bbe7-9e095c388f5d.gif
Mmm-hmm.
#214
f8af8d60-204c-4e07-8180-9753e35dafec.gif
Come on, get the hell out. Everybody out.
#215
c0a1a38b-be95-4c6b-8733-506d22bb7089.gif
Out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out.
#216
ee4db9b6-2ae8-4953-a3cf-0c7a7c016b89.gif
All right.
#217
da4b40a3-3e9e-4e0d-be5a-c84d4323a1de.gif
Don't worry. We're gonna mail your phones back to you,
#218
8cfc0edd-d3ad-4cf8-8009-15cf96830dcb.gif
but we're gonna need your addresses, so fork over your I.D.s.
#219
ce70a0be-af11-417e-9c0d-b634c6a000af.gif
- Let's go. Come on. - And their money.
#220
7e91caeb-70c2-4ee0-b238-bb7952a136bc.gif
We can't have 'em cabbing it back to the city
#221
b70bd606-bf5e-4471-8af5-94183f7fc601.gif
and going straight to the cops.
#222
63cf414a-fe40-423f-9df4-3d849ef08215.gif
God damn it. That's a good point.
#223
ac6c4f5d-0c50-450a-9828-bfb62e033c3a.gif
You know what? Dee, collect their wallets.
#224
dc51ef92-2cba-4aab-9406-d3d77ed0091e.gif
Don't worry, guys. We're not thieves. You'll get your wallets back, too.
#225
dd52d676-cd62-49c9-b333-a1f449722c0f.gif
- Yeah. - Don't be babies.
#226
a667f2f7-105f-4696-9769-e0a75e187520.gif
Come on, guys, let's go.
#227
5fa49a55-324c-4b33-ab3c-1dd5d2471cdb.gif
- Let's go. - Shut the doors.
#228
7c3bc395-ab5b-4a0f-8058-7c90804c9270.gif
Did we just kidnap and rob those guys?
#229
9efefd92-0b98-4fc1-a8ed-67a74269d604.gif
We just drove the snakes out of Philly,
#230
cbcba098-1723-483f-bd11-83129cc9d6a7.gif
the way St. Patrick did.
#231
ac6062db-259d-48a1-b033-bfc8443ea7b2.gif
Oh!
#232
505ae99a-eddc-4d7d-b1ea-ffb32cc88504.gif
So, what you're saying is, technically, we gave those guys
#233
cc5c33a9-f3e1-4d6c-80ce-1785e788ec45.gif
a very authentic St. Paddy's Day experience.
#234
98acbe8b-8d74-4953-877c-a6876f25dc95.gif
- Oh. - Yeah.
#235
fce7d64d-994b-40e9-bd7c-fb23b01a7c2d.gif
- Nice. - In a way.
#236
04633c34-9d9e-420e-a08f-9896a795e822.gif
Oh. All right.
#237
b123e036-6e1a-4e33-9a24-bdc1b4fc344d.gif
- That's good. That's good. - Yeah.
#238
c76387fc-7ea8-4814-939c-eaa642e3a121.gif
Okay, okay, okay, okay. Here.
#239
10434869-766a-4edf-9aae-e1f683769f9f.gif
Jesus Christ, where's Charlie?
#240
6f947707-3494-4be4-a84a-a691ee4154a6.gif
Hey, Mac, somebody stole my damn wallet.
#241
21527e68-3301-4eac-a766-f9489c807527.gif
- What? - Beat it, Mauricio!
#242
bc01e357-b921-44e6-885c-dd741be7d974.gif
I need to talk to Mac.
#243
f1bae57b-a894-4b57-a507-d748972bff56.gif
Charlie, where have you been?
#244
66c7db54-051d-4aeb-9ed6-edbfbd62ec99.gif
I can't run the bar by myself and do security.
#245
90ce3fed-7154-4a5d-88fa-50a095f19759.gif
People are getting their wallets stolen.
#246
cb6936d6-1a95-4314-ade6-07513af8a476.gif
Okay, uh, look, just come to the basement with me really quick.
#247
373be867-778d-4f23-b51e-ce2dca2c4832.gif
God damn it! All right. Attention, everybody.
#248
363d3263-04e0-4429-b2fc-3cdbe87e28f0.gif
Irish honor system. Please serve yourselves.
#249
47389bf2-dcc8-44ed-b47d-2f8f9bc2f143.gif
Put the money in the bucket. Thank you.
#250
336b9af6-f311-4bd1-ae02-f501edace74d.gif
I don't think the Irish honor system's a thing.
#251
f57afe48-d0cf-4a71-ac57-1348fdc485d3.gif
Oh, it's a thing. It's an ancient Irish tradition.
#252
2202d371-7c47-4c90-bfe4-79504ffa336c.gif
Know your history. What could possibly be so important?
#253
33968508-4bd3-4e91-b64c-196406574700.gif
Charlie... what the hell am I looking at?
#254
e83adfbb-0dce-4cba-a27d-b69a70fcf909.gif
I caught him.
#255
1171328a-9552-4a68-a2fb-592207f22681.gif
I caught that son of a bitch.
#256
950d87fd-4b76-4f12-9f28-fdb77e58d2ef.gif
I think you've kidnapped a little person.
#257
b8b01acf-edcb-48ee-a9e9-e3088deea6bc.gif
Huh?
#258
3ba9b5ee-927f-4d83-902f-8c0439eefa65.gif
Nah... nah, nah. First of all, I've captured a leprechaun, okay?
#259
7279cc7b-1a5b-4399-8d67-42cd79723cc3.gif
You wouldn't say, "I kidnapped Bigfoot," right?
#260
ad598ab3-dcae-4fbc-8457-9ba22a1b98e1.gif
You'd say, "I captured Bigfoot."
#261
01e1c2c3-e64a-4315-9269-213f8fb9c5e9.gif
That may be true, but leprechauns aren't real.
#262
f612c371-e80e-4d09-b436-46827cf793a0.gif
So what we're dealing with here is a little person in a glue trap.
#263
bb669660-752d-4c36-b51a-2ab2cc684f94.gif
I thought about that, ruled it out, okay?
#264
68fee28a-10c6-4bac-8559-92657c8e367d.gif
'Cause the basement door was locked, so unless
#265
a48ab6bc-e30f-49ab-ab82-00e0f3374cc8.gif
he's a being who's unrestrained by the laws
#266
ad4a078b-5b6a-4bea-a03f-3aad00e348ed.gif
of the physical world, he's not getting down here.
#267
4f15ae51-8146-4feb-ac1f-cfc2080792d9.gif
If he is a human being, he is going to sue the shit out of us.
#268
164909d9-25c9-4aa8-975b-8b38cdc826ac.gif
If he's a leprechaun, he's got a pot of gold.
#269
d82b204b-8797-47dc-8cfb-369091def9b9.gif
Yeah... Well, yeah, that's...
#270
5a7fe7f1-346e-4a5c-b717-47b31ad9e997.gif
Well, let's not rule one out over the other.
#271
221b3534-7c42-4514-b340-55e817aca4c6.gif
I mean, it's very weird that he's down here, right?
#272
5d185bb3-24af-4766-93fe-ddc2d11a4046.gif
Okay. Let's ask him.
#273
4768f9eb-9485-4256-99b3-81242a974f28.gif
Uh, sir, I'm gonna ask you a direct question.
#274
dd747654-ce8c-406e-905e-5638aa6b650b.gif
Are you now or have you ever been a leprechaun?
#275
daf407c0-2559-4000-94c4-1e6043d80fc5.gif
No, I'm not a goddamn leprechaun!
#276
aa38b3ad-03d6-45bf-84ab-1d0404565522.gif
- Please... - It was pretty convincing.
#277
43ef2587-1a51-4d7b-944f-23712141e141.gif
Are you kidding me? If he's a leprechaun,
#278
ca02444b-8430-4045-8ec4-5ed9d9f5a015.gif
that's what he has to say, right?
#279
bfdda5c6-4b81-4328-a545-4106917abc57.gif
Sir, why are you dressed like a leprechaun?
#280
d850fdc6-e7de-40ab-939c-c5d35bda5ff7.gif
'Cause it's St. Paddy's Day, you idiots!
#281
0cad0519-ec35-4d21-b7b2-bdcf2c73746e.gif
- This guy's good. He's good. - Yeah.
#282
71129c65-6551-423e-97f0-c0dbef3fd80d.gif
Nasty little son of a bitch, isn't he?
#283
595b4686-1443-4d56-99b4-462370ada94e.gif
- There's a real bite to him. - I know.
#284
0fe1c802-25d6-4929-b00f-346139996c4a.gif
You know what I think we should do?
#285
cfe6962f-79e4-47be-88eb-88aa7d282124.gif
We just rough him up a little bit.
#286
9171bb11-f4fe-48a2-9dbf-03980b8d320b.gif
Just get the truth out of him.
#287
2d5464dc-60f3-42ad-adb4-feb6c6637099.gif
It's a great idea. We don't want to bruise him up.
#288
45ade7ff-f835-4fa2-8627-4bfcff844fee.gif
I just wish we had a hose or something.
#289
02520ed1-9e8d-425f-918e-515ecf1b61f1.gif
- Yeah. - We could blast the truth out of him.
#290
1ac3cfc2-879e-4d35-b452-6837a8fde265.gif
- Right? - That'd be good...
#291
9b09bc50-142a-4701-ab02-99892958dcfb.gif
Oh, shit. There's a hose right here.
#292
1abb1950-bd97-448b-94ad-c5c3d5d3ca5c.gif
I don't ever remember a hose being down here, do you?
#293
f1e32f5b-e8b4-4215-8486-c60e908ef499.gif
- No. I don't know. - Dude...
#294
843aeeae-9413-48b6-a1c1-9111653df3fa.gif
do you realize what just happened?
#295
50f80fad-73ab-4984-862a-a55d02f073a7.gif
You made a wish, which the leprechaun clearly granted.
#296
7fc0ca7d-2f2d-4607-a869-4c09f40d2536.gif
Everyone knows, you capture a leprechaun, you get three wishes, right?
#297
42dbd09d-58a2-40b6-826a-b3ab462533a1.gif
We got to think very carefully what our next two are here.
#298
2c5f2159-713b-46c1-a43c-830be2f3bc4f.gif
- I wish I could live forever? - What are you doing?
#299
910024b5-2a82-4978-8836-9c6fea5b1bfe.gif
- I wish you don't. How about that? - No! Why did you do that?
#300
76cb8989-cbe8-498e-9997-42f83add6214.gif
- Why did you do that? - Why didn't you say,
#301
4b404d21-cc75-4b32-94b9-6b36057363aa.gif
"I wish I could live forever"?
#302
2f775452-b82b-452f-bdb8-79842806de07.gif
- Live forever with you? - Well...
#303
598b28b8-c1bf-4e5e-888b-fc52064843c2.gif
Look, I'm not a leprechaun!
#304
081f3b91-999c-4a06-bc45-462e57c3d5b8.gif
Just let me out of here, you dickheads!
#305
7fa07db2-5afb-4d21-a157-dbe46c7ab1f2.gif
Wish there was a way we could just know for sure.
#306
1488b1d6-c50e-452a-be5e-ccde56a7a4fe.gif
Charlie?
#307
f251901f-5274-4bcd-a22a-cf22d1388703.gif
Get the snake.
#308
24af96bd-03f3-4610-9377-fe4c413022fc.gif
You know what the problem was, Frank?
#309
6fc2aa30-ba8b-427a-a83a-2b5343594b6e.gif
That last group of belligerent hooligans just didn't understand
#310
42aa6deb-85f9-4ff2-8ced-f5a4976873fd.gif
how to experience our business properly,
#311
4ebdd38d-7d25-499f-929a-c9f285dfce29.gif
but I think this new group is gonna get it.
#312
f2223c26-54ce-4b9e-915d-1d1f556d1ac8.gif
Plus, they're physically weaker, in case anything goes wrong.
#313
e7c25b82-e7ae-4bab-854e-d741a42e6626.gif
What's happening?
#314
c23e5512-79bf-40d6-bf20-f24beabde35b.gif
I'll tell ya what's happenin'.
#315
b7a6bdd5-56aa-47cb-81ba-b06536dac2a0.gif
One day you're young and pretty,
#316
b0ee8d1c-dd70-4245-bb13-b874aed28c74.gif
and the next, the years of drinking and abuse
#317
3f793114-274e-4b48-9565-9ae70aa45949.gif
have robbed you of your youth.
#318
bc9e6e4c-686c-450b-a589-04f7a61d047d.gif
Abuse? Did these guys hurt you?
#319
b62c1004-de2a-454c-84f8-eb22eb3243f4.gif
No! Me husband did this to me.
#320
5b35352d-bb74-4c01-892f-acf3428bb996.gif
Arr!
#321
591e9952-1790-417e-9426-5b9df2b453b0.gif
- Dee... - Mmm?
#322
15c7a1ea-7d87-4183-b3b5-2fe5e30ad7db.gif
What the hell are you doing? Are you a pirate?
#323
f2886aa3-6bbb-4d77-a63e-d1593ed86469.gif
I can't tell if you're doing a thing now,
#324
5d55cb25-081f-4b22-91a4-b9cf0ca5fc47.gif
or if this is just who you've become.
#325
a7a6dd21-f588-420d-949a-d14c06559501.gif
I'm giving them an authentic Irish experience,
#326
b3caa324-4db7-4613-aeef-517d275c8e2d.gif
like you were begging for before...
#327
f09af731-5dc8-4250-a54e-42fdae9f61ee.gif
You're giving them a completely inauthentic,
#328
c18b3dae-c6a3-4aea-917c-839141269f16.gif
frightening experience, and you're scaring them.
#329
1f136706-30e8-4f63-bee4-283a68925d15.gif
Listen, ladies, nobody's gonna get hurt.
#330
c5108f68-8653-4418-8291-22ef5173e0ce.gif
- Will you just let us out, please? - Well, no.
#331
9302bb34-6a83-4abb-8cf5-56af9791c5e5.gif
I'm not gonna let you out.
#332
b21fe84c-70f9-40ea-b23a-7d714ba6dffd.gif
I need you to experience everything I have to offer so you're...
#333
f21d2e8d-8981-4bc9-9091-986fcea2a5c2.gif
- Rahr! - So, experience... Dee! Shut up!
#334
759933b8-afb2-4c48-b7a7-34a18aa47023.gif
All right, look, we're gonna have a good time here, okay?
#335
7c160050-b92d-4b74-a95d-c841abf174c2.gif
You're experiencing some free beers right now
#336
5389f4e3-6a24-4d41-bcda-a82f2d491b7d.gif
because I can't get the goddamn Internet to work.
#337
16c3219e-9a8d-4d4b-b649-c414203b3829.gif
That's a problem for me. Do you guys know how to use tablet computers?
#338
71e4bed6-6665-4fee-b95c-ebdfc7cde732.gif
- You're young. - No.
#339
48b6c1a4-5d61-4693-a91e-4f7dc939b697.gif
I just want to connect the goddamn thing to the Internet.
#340
e04a18ca-0270-461e-9e0f-38243f6f7834.gif
They told me it'd be easy. It's not, though.
#341
f72952d0-357f-4c29-a090-e01a8d8aed0c.gif
I'll tell you what.
#342
7ae60ce9-56e8-4f82-8770-ac5051bf246f.gif
I'll let you out after I take a couple photographs of you.
#343
3b4f9769-e4d5-407e-a9cd-e944d61e4cde.gif
How's that sound? Yeah? Take some photographs
#344
fbdfe84f-b290-40bc-9f99-da1b4017f278.gif
for my Web site? So, look happy.
#345
e57b0be2-aa96-41d2-8650-e025cd0e5798.gif
Look like you're having fun. No need to cover those up.
#346
8d5e8d18-f502-4ffb-9584-37b52480fd4e.gif
My customers like those. They're like me.
#347
ba5dc6c3-ab28-49ed-8801-8f6444671782.gif
They're gonna want to see that.
#348
aa7b635f-af3e-4145-853b-bfa33f02beb0.gif
Okay, so smiling, smiling, and...
#349
41df6c58-fbff-42fb-b946-a2db25891723.gif
You're not convincing me. Smile!
#350
29bebc31-5d4b-4410-9b3a-f297d32afa18.gif
Goddamn!
#351
b6b6a64e-6027-4d8a-b4d6-1e874bf0bfb0.gif
This is not supposed to be scary.
#352
2fa3d50e-c8fe-4a87-a5e7-8f15a5cc92bb.gif
This is supposed to be an authentic, fun time for you.
#353
f4e73887-7bab-4296-aaf4-a783ad916a67.gif
Yeah, all right, well,
#354
6c231a9f-5eb9-4875-afe5-f6c58b7baa9d.gif
I need to buy it, okay?
#355
05395cdc-b72a-40c5-bcd8-8db5d45a1cf1.gif
Please let us out.
#356
25d789f7-4991-45cf-a6d4-63f78ff3b0d5.gif
I don't want to be on your weird Web site.
#357
dfd643cc-685a-4729-b7dd-98588ae5fd72.gif
If you don't comply with me, then you're gonna end up
#358
e8d0a0ce-287c-4afa-94e9-478202b6f398.gif
on the weird one, okay? So, smile.
#359
4512a707-b90b-4904-a484-13cdfeab6b5b.gif
Ugh! All right.
#360
e21351e2-0258-4472-82c9-8033c5e3ddc8.gif
You know what? This isn't gonna work.
#361
f22d5368-13b5-4c7d-89c6-ddff3e1f3e13.gif
All right, come on, come on.
#362
ebd2dfd8-eacc-43aa-9d4c-0de610d408ec.gif
Let's go. Come on.
#363
c5bed67e-b205-420a-a765-500ed3f37e64.gif
All right, out you go, ladies.
#364
715b0c96-2171-4f7b-a839-4cf153f21640.gif
I know you didn't threaten to call the cops,
#365
fadfd715-1474-4dfd-a935-d8e383df7124.gif
but you would have... I'm certain of it...
#366
1a619f3a-3e08-47c3-aa25-95ae53341f50.gif
so I'm gonna need your wallets and your phones.
#367
9ed90da4-63d6-435c-86df-97cd81968382.gif
Give 'em to the girl.
#368
a2befe7b-4e12-4b79-9efd-88173f898324.gif
I'm probably gonna pop on your Twitter accounts.
#369
69b97ec3-2291-4703-afcb-5b78694cc4c7.gif
Write us some enthusiastic reviews,
#370
192e43f6-bc54-4bfe-8e4d-34c5d3ce690f.gif
which you would have done, as well, had you experienced our business properly,
#371
454d1842-4fd6-49be-b590-dcfd4febc9c8.gif
but you decided to be...
#372
4e4fb073-ccd9-4a90-9362-4e4278abbeb8.gif
All right, well...
#373
7c828309-340e-425f-a395-9916a4c7dd43.gif
- Talk, bitch! I'm blasting you! - Come on! Talk!
#374
fde3bc29-fb57-4b22-abee-6a1307ef71b3.gif
- Come on, leprechaun, admit it! - Where's the gold?!
#375
3985a467-4c87-4042-9e41-cb4ea86defcd.gif
What's the point? There's no water pressure.
#376
87ebc033-6d6c-47cf-8825-a5117cf38da3.gif
- I feel like I'm giving him a baby bath. - I know.
#377
2c02209e-756c-440a-9b6c-5b2369ea74c8.gif
Snake's not working either.
#378
45f9e043-0268-4e32-ae85-a97ecab1473d.gif
That's because the snake is dead.
#379
e58f346c-9bc6-4a13-b999-50f30dbaeed3.gif
Because you put it in a plastic bag and it couldn't breathe.
#380
7a93f959-2a70-42ff-82e5-ffbdf2149d15.gif
Doesn't matter. He probably killed it
#381
2fb506f8-55fb-4a59-8026-f335e5e9b102.gif
with his leprechaun magic, anyway.
#382
72539666-0934-40eb-a4cf-b9386d17586e.gif
I'm not a leprechaun, you goddamn assholes!
#383
917a6491-46d1-48e0-91d5-8fa3f0531e00.gif
- Yeah, guy. - How are we gonna get his pot of gold
#384
797d0e08-3e93-406f-badf-b331bc3d12e4.gif
if he won't even admit to us that he's a leprechaun?
#385
0ae87f39-42d8-4ae1-aeee-e9cf83b4fab5.gif
If this guy would just admit he was a leprechaun,
#386
a2b38b0a-07eb-4263-98bc-f39349af5324.gif
- we could be done with this mess. - Yeah.
#387
424a4d62-8ff9-4ce7-abd8-075aae62560e.gif
- Of course. - Fine, you got me.
#388
e4cd0428-a4ac-4f9e-9c7b-95ff7706072e.gif
I'm a leprechaun. I admit it.
#389
2dfa32ca-70f7-46ba-a82a-9f69ee8b6c6f.gif
- What? - God... I am a... I'm a...
#390
ee93f3a3-5f24-4931-9ef1-c7ad203b0f76.gif
damn... I'm a leprechaun.
#391
5942a35c-cb8f-4b17-9506-9f4f43d62c27.gif
Yeah, but you don't have the accent,
#392
aeb6f8ab-0ddd-492c-ab64-24dd3fb327fc.gif
- and that's throwing me off, right? - It's throwing me off.
#393
8944b63e-7af9-4748-8049-0b772d2ede58.gif
I live in a faraway land,
#394
1a295a98-4597-4f2b-b5f9-21f3bfc0d597.gif
and I was transported here by a giant magical rainbow.
#395
740b3377-cea3-487e-8f8e-fe14a49b70d3.gif
And you never got me Lucky Charms.
#396
1a0333eb-2e25-45fe-8ef8-fd908f52d52e.gif
- Oh! - That's it! That's it!
#397
e9309c3e-8fb4-4207-b918-ef195bc29f6e.gif
- You were right! You caught a leprechaun! - I told you! I knew it!
#398
a592c8bc-9790-41a6-90d1-cc2cf2bf34d2.gif
Hey, can you let me go now?
#399
7fd45268-fcc7-4e59-a6dd-712e568aebe2.gif
- No, you can't go. - No. No.
#400
a6747ef9-91e2-4464-a4d4-80dd5dbcd025.gif
- We need your pot of gold. Where is it? - Yeah.
#401
825e5f05-78e7-4aff-b54c-a960cfc0dce1.gif
It's at the bottom of the rainbow.
#402
662c8057-4a56-44c3-8434-4a1d8f3ccf82.gif
- Hmm. - Must be some sort of leprechaun riddle,
#403
e46d370b-2627-4845-9604-955261c7e348.gif
'cause there's no rainbows out today.
#404
9a9863b0-14f3-4e77-8d66-5e48e3903027.gif
No, dude... I don't think this guy's talking in metaphors.
#405
72cfb70b-972f-45c8-a6ef-4e70aa74fda6.gif
I think he means exactly what he's saying.
#406
8e8c9bc9-370b-4e30-a6ce-d4d6bcd20760.gif
He's talking about that gay bar
#407
14fd00a9-29c3-4679-a379-b1710f3fea45.gif
down on Locust Street... the Rainbow.
#408
77d740c5-9e9d-4105-a916-62cf1cd678b3.gif
- You know which one I'm talking about? - No.
#409
c3a32730-3b03-407e-913b-48f2c2ab01ba.gif
I'm gonna go check it out, alone.
#410
af05f613-1ef3-4262-a0c4-64f6df63330d.gif
Why?
#411
bf88ff26-a330-41ea-86d5-6955ca0cb143.gif
Because you'll be here.
#412
03c4aa4c-2d11-4493-bff8-b3614d95b6ac.gif
And if the gang comes back,
#413
ef10feda-9742-4bcc-ac9a-c687689a3a23.gif
they'll also be here, and I'll be there, alone.
#414
fbd9563f-17a0-4269-acc7-9d6cbc89692a.gif
- Right. - But you'll be here.
#415
ab45ba02-f375-4c19-97c7-e54d2590270e.gif
- Great. - Great.
#416
aa3c503b-7b72-4323-afd0-7ea7e8e46496.gif
- You go do that... - Okay. Yeah.
#417
7bfc5a04-8a3f-476d-b76d-728f23dbeda7.gif
...and remember, you're there to look for a pot of gold.
#418
ff81f2eb-23eb-4315-b15b-fa4ae32d10c6.gif
Okay. Alone.
#419
8080bf5f-3a60-4b9f-b0f9-0c821108b369.gif
You'll be there, alone.
#420
ae3b39cc-f5ee-40c8-a065-b735b26d47e9.gif
Okay! Got it.
#421
053fe157-226c-46c8-b27d-428d47af2bc6.gif
All right, well, that just leaves you and me, and, uh,
#422
9f1027c7-114e-40f4-be75-eb7c44ca1758.gif
we both know there's no pot of gold at that gay bar.
#423
9c0a7856-600b-4d05-9b37-d6bbde85b599.gif
So the question is...
#424
0935d859-3199-4849-aedb-074a82f9e758.gif
what to do with the little liar.
#425
3b0cf143-ca67-426e-9a6b-a4740bc6a1e2.gif
We haven't made a goddamn penny today.
#426
8e8ceb9b-a48a-470c-9851-23899b99d211.gif
We actually lost money,
#427
e7e39b4b-ffbe-48e0-a755-e2dc0ebabb20.gif
with all the gas we burned going back and forth.
#428
054cb9de-5d2d-43cf-be84-98d96219c345.gif
It's not my fault. The business model's flawless.
#429
af8e3a2e-828d-48ae-aa24-d35d1ab0d6dd.gif
If you knew how to drive and you knew how to serve
#430
a334f3dd-bcd1-466c-85a8-9747cd1d2d69.gif
a goddamn beer, we wouldn't be in this mess.
#431
fff67782-79a8-43bc-96be-86781280d231.gif
Hmm.
#432
e21f995a-a7e5-4b5b-8c69-4ad22ba5142a.gif
- All right. - Mmm.
#433
aa49b6ea-c29c-45f5-8bf4-460fb9c11038.gif
Okay, everybody out. Get out. Let's go. Come on.
#434
d92073b5-d918-4335-8817-c4da3ec0b568.gif
Go, go, go. You guys are in the wrong demographic.
#435
7ebb0305-f15f-422e-a9b4-8f69dc89d75d.gif
Where have you taken us?
#436
2f2cf373-5eb8-4eac-92ba-67fe6a905f33.gif
Right. Yeah, I guess, uh,
#437
20b28a2a-9a86-43a9-af61-8ce79465c751.gif
we got so used to our routine of picking people up and dropping
#438
f2204df6-ebdb-4932-bd16-7e7ed8d58afd.gif
'em off outside of town that we never even tried
#439
2934001d-45b7-4178-a3a6-ef89d8e06ac2.gif
- to sell you people beer, did we? - They're too old, anyway.
#440
e7cfdbc6-0a89-4696-b9bb-3db259b4a2b6.gif
- Who's gonna watch 'em on a Web site? - That's true.
#441
b3ab1cc8-4917-4994-becd-aa57fc44f6c9.gif
You guys are a little too old for our...
#442
9f3e0eb0-39d6-4453-8bb2-77851c055d0a.gif
- So... - Wallets and phones. You know the drill.
#443
a4a84f67-3464-4d0b-96fc-b44db8033c5f.gif
I don't know why we don't just do the car service thing.
#444
103c0279-34cc-4621-8135-bff820f611e9.gif
People seem to be needing rides all over the town.
#445
497eaf6f-7321-4651-9455-4da32c45b180.gif
- That idea may work. - You think so?
#446
6dfb0e91-0eef-44a5-9d51-1bb61005fcde.gif
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
#447
28f6d836-f70a-4233-a967-4c301b06dd62.gif
Oh. But before we pivot to that one,
#448
450c1359-7c27-40d4-86ae-eddc6da7d549.gif
um, Deandra, you mind, uh, jumpin' out
#449
25a1b927-9553-476c-bb8d-092a9b0f9f99.gif
to see about the gas cap? I think I left it off.
#450
ec0f804e-621d-46ad-9328-025ccee50d37.gif
Yeah.
#451
c6d6af0e-f8a4-40dd-9540-c4050ff0ae01.gif
Oop.
#452
4e3c53f0-7974-42d0-8098-15de52076e93.gif
Oh! Hey!
#453
b1d92caa-747c-4e3b-b72d-c153ad942a66.gif
Oh, goddamn!
#454
00861ff1-a017-4786-bdfa-e558397730e1.gif
God damn it!
#455
fc9fd4bc-1dff-4ae2-a15d-67d629aa358f.gif
- What you did there was... very funny. - Yeah.
#456
6e8de971-100b-4d53-9971-6dad7ddc96d6.gif
- That bitch was dragging us down. - Yeah.
#457
05283742-6bf9-4532-8b0c-5edfd8427a45.gif
- She was driving me crazy. - Oh.
#458
dbd98bfa-ac60-4b51-83d5-ca09d196adaf.gif
- Oh... shit. - What?
#459
2ca112b6-3bda-4158-817e-6ef80493830d.gif
She didn't put the gas cap on.
#460
7817ded2-ff3f-46d4-acbb-82d224ba3542.gif
- Oh, is it open for real? - Big-time.
#461
37525b4b-944e-4cd2-a6b6-d45fab3735b8.gif
Oh, shit. Let me grab that real quick.
#462
ad4ba874-820e-4bc2-a8c8-9ce85a730388.gif
I got it.
#463
45e191a4-c45c-4655-9e3b-46e73b2d8bea.gif
No, no, no, no, n... Aw, goddamn!
#464
9e31bfbd-b06d-40fb-bd16-9d3139455d2f.gif
I can't believe Uber jacks up their prices just because it's a holiday.
#465
46515e48-dc73-4f7c-947e-0e5a2e40afa0.gif
It's a scam.
#466
8f1c9ec1-d455-4350-a616-5ef32fa2a427.gif
We should have been doing that the entire time.
#467
318ea30e-b650-4c85-8a4e-39b4163afc3b.gif
Are you kidding me? That was my whole idea.
#468
cd607e6c-3e32-4dba-82f6-ae3096198e0f.gif
Stop trying to take credit for everything.
#469
fd33f10e-3fd4-4eb1-8374-e25339ed7b1e.gif
What is going on in here? Weren't Mac and Charlie
#470
4fe56077-7a8d-4ddf-a665-cf0ad7c8cdba.gif
- taking care of the bar? - Yeah, they were.
#471
30216a14-86e3-4435-ba16-bbb6f185f436.gif
- Why is the bar empty? - It ain't empty.
#472
e2a7586b-d78a-4a99-80ac-5e2fe42327c4.gif
What are you doing back here, you piece of shit?
#473
58ad7480-cb96-4d7c-862a-6f2cdf6a9500.gif
It's a long story. The business hit a wall,
#474
cb14fe0c-dd53-4e03-bbe2-36250618d3cf.gif
went up in smoke, and then went under.
#475
5ced5744-276d-4840-8065-31c12acf1329.gif
Why are you speaking in metaphors?
#476
9e53c13f-7b49-46bf-be4a-2e5cbf2062af.gif
It ain't a metaphor. I fell asleep,
#477
187ba882-7bbc-49ba-95e2-3d051ab468d9.gif
crashed into a wall, the engine burst into flames,
#478
2e4daf3a-a52d-4a91-90d9-7a1932a84bc9.gif
- and I had to drive it into a river. - Right.
#479
d8159ac7-8d24-4740-84e5-71eb66832e04.gif
What the hell is that?
#480
99292c62-4581-4b8d-b569-8d134a21790b.gif
To keep this smile from my face
#481
a77d97fc-3179-46e4-99b8-cfaf7f4cdc73.gif
Losing control, yeah
#482
d448958d-797b-495f-ad9e-7ea0630f6a53.gif
I'm all over the place
#483
963d283d-fcf3-4f5f-b894-8b0a821ec104.gif
Clowns to the left of me jokers to the right
#484
95fe7599-1666-474a-b35a-602ee4eea538.gif
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you...
#485
ef4df55c-5c94-4529-8fa2-3a1da22a0b57.gif
Well, you may be a man.
#486
beb6cbb1-11d2-463d-8618-5b0c5d7486ec.gif
You may be a leprechaun.
#487
bf4cd689-8ab8-49ed-aebf-2857cc2b7c15.gif
But only one thing's for sure:
#488
e4ab2924-882d-4064-8660-c2dcec27f452.gif
you're in the wrong basement.
#489
bc61fdf3-38f7-4d8b-8f18-4651900f5fa0.gif
God damn it! No!
#490
aa59cb37-6129-4b3a-880d-e2e194c37ee7.gif
- I'm gonna see if you bleed green. - No! No! No, no, no!
#491
73920e59-e9ed-4df9-8675-cdf3ecffeea7.gif
- Whoa, Charlie, what the hell is... - Whoa. Hey!
#492
62cf7b19-718e-4bb3-a2e0-1a7bb0fdff81.gif
What are you doing?
#493
e3dbb1eb-0119-43c1-9de1-ad1ecb4c8941.gif
What does it look like I'm doing?
#494
d9528cc4-7fbf-4831-8f74-ca5855edbf53.gif
It looks like you've tied a little person to a chair
#495
2ed1e055-3069-4e9f-bb5d-5ed9276ec50a.gif
and you're gonna torture him.
#496
62d458b9-6a3c-407b-96f4-bd85aad7df7c.gif
No, I've tied a leprechaun to a chair,
#497
4acf7497-0c58-4cb1-87fd-51853a12b614.gif
and, uh, yeah, I was gonna cut him to pieces.
#498
6e6d2535-e499-4575-abd6-d6436439a839.gif
Charlie... you been drinking straight paint?
#499
d7d368f2-9e4b-4312-baf9-89da8c41f7f6.gif
Yeah.
#500
317d7c64-3175-4d9b-b236-afb8175f8e01.gif
Charlie, he's not a leprechaun! Do not hurt him! I repeat:
#501
5d63211e-994e-43b9-b10d-512fc7800537.gif
he is not a leprechaun! Oh, hey.
#502
0ac655a1-f9fa-466d-a6e6-8db048f0e88f.gif
- What is this? - Why are you covered in glitter?
#503
7a3cc04c-817a-4465-b78a-b3816d6bd83b.gif
I would love to answer all of your questions,
#504
dc5610f8-cf9b-4cf0-a806-898725520b9b.gif
but there is no time.
#505
adf12762-da76-4df7-99f1-621d9d29bbed.gif
You see, I went to the Rainbow to look for a pot of gold.
#506
44050d10-d5db-4f82-9943-f3b4ba938753.gif
- The gay bar? - Oh.
#507
5a005551-77ba-4828-b70c-f5646b55e71f.gif
Again, no questions.
#508
2a895cc9-9419-482e-b81a-42d5f64399d5.gif
And when I got back,
#509
bc543730-c510-4cbe-bba5-d8f43cefb3b0.gif
I found this bag full of wallets,
#510
39f985be-f003-4fa1-a404-d35a226f537e.gif
hidden where we keep the towels.
#511
6ca0be94-452d-4785-9073-20301e30dc07.gif
- Why did you need towels? - Not answering questions, okay?
#512
bcbaca84-3bfb-4813-945c-f79c3184ace8.gif
Because apparently this son of a bitch is a pickpocket.
#513
d39e3578-0d2f-4be5-965b-1d20515bf88b.gif
That's why he's been lurking around Paddy's.
#514
c4bb2f40-21ab-4ff3-bfb3-fcf9caf36314.gif
Oh! That makes a lot of sense, 'cause he kept saying,
#515
30d98502-e106-45a6-bb33-09eede107b3c.gif
like, "I'm a pickpocket. Stop hurting me.
#516
abe344bd-1cc8-4ef7-ac36-9c2334d83d67.gif
"I'm not a leprechaun." I just thought that was
#517
257e84e0-b183-4b8f-8a5a-b20201635e15.gif
a metaphor for "I am a leprechaun."
#518
c2230633-aedb-46c5-9c24-6e9197dfbdae.gif
This little son of a bitch has been picking pockets
#519
07809272-e5c7-4173-aa03-fa51d5c2630b.gif
at our bar every St. Paddy's Day for years.
#520
85b33cbe-9670-43c2-bf7d-c491efa103d9.gif
Well, we got a whole bag full of wallets and phones, too.
#521
faafd0a9-412e-4bae-b672-966c3c4623e8.gif
- You did? - Yeah.
#522
21452d24-8878-4476-91a3-a4e5db3b0ca7.gif
That's good. Because the bar did not do so great.
#523
6f005ce3-5a4d-4ab8-be7d-426582d6f3cb.gif
Turns out the Irish honor system, that's not a thing.
#524
d1f4fa0d-9875-4cfb-9d15-8f1e34dbcd1a.gif
We were gonna actually return the wallets
#525
af523f9c-c7a2-44e0-a9e1-6347f6b3293e.gif
- that we got, but... - Yeah.
#526
fabf8786-a479-4dc9-9e4b-648e733e43e1.gif
...since no one seems to be
#527
74435661-815f-4336-aeea-3c2d24661456.gif
being honorable, uh, maybe we keep our wallets
#528
e80e74d1-7b09-4120-a2ba-4f2c1e40ac0d.gif
- and those and, you know... - Yeah.
#529
1250763f-01b2-4ff3-9df1-63ed5d014e0e.gif
- chalk it up as a win. - Oh, the luck of the Irish.
#530
a83116b0-1ef0-4443-97c4-f08aaa2e5a4e.gif
Let's not make it a tradition.
#531
1bcdd015-eb9c-4fe7-a00c-e756d1ed1e37.gif
- Sure. - Yeah, probably better not to.
#532
7ed40547-b7a9-4a3c-b446-3df237fae261.gif
All right, well, what do we do with this piece of shit?
#533
ceb42048-29a1-478e-9192-804118344631.gif
Oh, shit, that leprechaun just flew up a rainbow!
#534
88812004-d3a8-487f-a746-0919765bc66d.gif
Stop drinking paint, Charlie.
#535
442fde03-f7fe-4cc6-ae7e-d9d09f886899.gif
Huh.
#536