Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S11E09 — The Gang Goes to Hell (1)

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 11, Episode 9 — The Gang Goes to Hell (1)

didn't think any of us would be standing in front of you here today.

#2

⇓

- No, no, I mean... - Shit, no.

#3

⇓

I thought we were going straight to hell. Yeah.

#4

⇓

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. Right, well...

#5

⇓

- But that being said, we're good people. - Oh, yeah.

#6

⇓

I did what I did. You don't like it,

#7

⇓

- you can kiss my ass. - Oh, oh.

#8

⇓

- Easy, easy. - Hey, could we be judged individually?

#9

⇓

'Cause I don't want to be lumped in with him.

#10

⇓

Look, I know you're gonna judge us.

#11

⇓

But before that cruise ship went down,

#12

⇓

- we prayed. - Oh, yeah. Yes. Yeah.

#13

⇓

I mean, like, sure, we've done some bad things,

#14

⇓

you know, but we've changed, I promise.

#15

⇓

So please just reserve your judgment, okay?

#17

⇓

Because once we're finished,

#18

⇓

I'm sure you'll judge us accordingly.

#19

⇓

Mmm-hmm.

#20

⇓

This is a Christian cruise.

#23

⇓

Yeah, and I got to say, winning raffles, going on cruises...

#24

⇓

I like this new church of yours, Mac.

#25

⇓

- I think you found the right one. - Yeah.

#26

⇓

Oh, I didn't find them. They found me.

#27

⇓

And it's all, of course, a part of God's plan.

#28

⇓

It's also a part of God's plan

#29

⇓

that we all get closer to him through fellowship.

#30

⇓

Hey, Mac, is God gonna be able to protect against the ship sinking?

#31

⇓

Guys, we don't have to worry about drunk captains,

#34

⇓

- Yeah. - Yeah, I do. And about that, um,

#36

⇓

where exactly does God stand on that dry thing?

#37

⇓

Is that a hard, fast rule or is there some wiggle room?

#38

⇓

Look, this cruise is an opportunity for us to get away

#39

⇓

from the sins of everyday life. That being said,

#40

⇓

You know, just to stave off the shakes.

#42

⇓

- Smart. Don't want to get sick. - Oh, thank God.

#43

⇓

Okay, guys, I am gonna head up to Bible study right now.

#44

⇓

- Oh, right now. - Uh, this is our suite.

#45

⇓

Yeah, you guys can check in or whatever.

#46

⇓

But do you want to meet me there?

#47

⇓

- Do we? - Yeah, yeah, we'll, we'll...

#48

⇓

We got to set our bags down and then, uh...

#49

⇓

I have to unpack, I always do.

#50

⇓

All right. Peace be with you.

#51

⇓

- All right. - Okay. Yeah, yeah.

#52

⇓

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...

#53

⇓

You're supposed to say, "And also with you."

#54

⇓

- Why is that? - Would you say...

#55

⇓

I'm not gonna say that. Uh, you know what, I'll say it,

#56

⇓

if it's gonna help you get out of here

#57

⇓

and go to your Bible study. But I'm not gonna mean it.

#58

⇓

Oh, you don't have to mean it. Yeah, you just have to say it.

#59

⇓

Okay. And also with you. Bye.

#60

⇓

Guys, this is gonna be the best cruise ever.

#61

⇓

- Yeah. - I'm not saying it.

#62

⇓

- Take care. - I'm not saying that.

#63

⇓

You don't have to mean it.

#64

⇓

- Mmm. - Yeah.

#65

⇓

Oh, shit.

#66

⇓

- Yeah. - I needed that.

#67

⇓

Man, and the beer calms my nerves, too.

#68

⇓

I feel like I could drink that whole suitcase.

#69

⇓

Oh, God, me, too. But let's not, okay?

#70

⇓

'Cause this is the only alcohol on the entire ship.

#71

⇓

- Ooh, yeah. - Yeah. All right, okay.

#72

⇓

- That'd be bad. - But it's time to suit up now,

#73

⇓

- so we can get into some nonsense. - What do mean, suit up?

#74

⇓

Did you bring costumes?

#75

⇓

No, no, no, I'm putting a stop to this right now.

#77

⇓

No costumes, no high jinks.

#78

⇓

Okay? Can we just... Guys, can we take a vacation

#79

⇓

from our usual bullshit?

#80

⇓

You know, I'm not saying we got to do the God stuff,

#81

⇓

but let's not do a bunch of anti-God stuff either, okay?

#82

⇓

So don't be gluttonous.

#83

⇓

Okay? You, no wrath.

#84

⇓

No lust for me. You know, which is gonna be difficult,

#85

⇓

given the implications of being on a boat.

#86

⇓

All right, well, I'm taking a vacation from you guys, okay?

#87

⇓

I'm tired of getting shit on. All right.

#88

⇓

That's what I'm talking about, Dee. Nobody's gonna shit on you.

#89

⇓

Nobody's gonna call you a bird.

#90

⇓

I agree. But first, I got to take the cross off that Mac gave us.

#91

⇓

- Oh, yeah. - This thing is burning me to shit.

#92

⇓

- Look at that. - Oh.

#93

⇓

Oh! Goddamn, Frank.

#94

⇓

Oh, my God.

#95

⇓

You might actually be the devil.

#96

⇓

- Jesus, I'm gonna take mine off, too. - I could be Satan.

#97

⇓

Screw God!

#98

⇓

Whoa, whoa, what-what was that? Did God do that?

#99

⇓

- No, no, no. - Don't go crazy on the God stuff.

#100

⇓

That being said, the timing of that big boat noise

#101

⇓

was pretty suspect, so, Frank, maybe don't push his buttons?

#102

⇓

- Yeah. - I get that. Yeah.

#103

⇓

All right, I'll leave him alone.

#104

⇓

Hey, Mac.

#105

⇓

We are about ready to get started. You feeling okay?

#106

⇓

Yeah, David. It's good. I was just, uh, waiting on my friends.

#107

⇓

They said they were gonna be here and they're not here yet.

#108

⇓

I've sort of taken on a missionary position with them.

#109

⇓

You know? They need salvation.

#110

⇓

Especially my one friend, Frank.

#111

⇓

to burn through his skin.

#113

⇓

Why?

#114

⇓

Oh, to subtly send the message that he might be a demon.

#115

⇓

Oh, well, yikes.

#116

⇓

Uh, listen, when your friends are ready, they'll come.

#117

⇓

Right, yeah. You know, we should just get started.

#118

⇓

- Scott, you ready to go? - Yup, yup.

#119

⇓

Why don't we, uh... Well, let's just...

#121

⇓

We'll sing through it once and we'll get it on its feet.

#122

⇓

Guys, what's that song? I'm not familiar with that hymn.

#124

⇓

from Guys and Dolls.

#126

⇓

It's for the talent show. We do it every year on this cruise.

#127

⇓

- It's fun. - Fun?

#128

⇓

No, no, the songs aren't supposed to be fun,

#129

⇓

they're supposed to be bleak and dreary,

#130

⇓

so we can focus on how bad we are.

#131

⇓

Yeah. We need to punish our ears

#132

⇓

to pay for the original sin of being born.

#133

⇓

Mac, look, uh, I know it can be difficult transitioning into a new church.

#134

⇓

But, guys, I can almost guarantee you

#137

⇓

that I'm not gonna like this.

#138

⇓

Said to myself sit down

#139

⇓

Sit down, you're rockin' the boat

#140

⇓

And the devil will drag you under

#141

⇓

With a soul so heavy you wouldn't float

#142

⇓

Sit down, sit down, sit down sit down, sit down

#143

⇓

You're rockin' the boat!

#144

⇓

Yes!

#145

⇓

Yes!

#146

⇓

Yes! Yes!

#147

⇓

I feel like I've been waiting for this my entire life.

#148

⇓

Good. We're glad you had fun.

#149

⇓

Yes, yeah. I'm ready to go again.

#150

⇓

Well, you've already gone twice. We're sort of

#151

⇓

- taking turns... - We're gonna go from the top.

#152

⇓

Five, six, seven, eight...

#153

⇓

These winter coats were a good idea, it is chilly.

#154

⇓

Yeah. Come in handy. They're cranking the air conditioning.

#155

⇓

Whoa, look at this place.

#157

⇓

Oh. Dude.

#159

⇓

I thought you said they didn't have alcohol.

#160

⇓

- Look, they got screwdrivers. - Oh, no, Charlie.

#161

⇓

That's just orange juice.

#162

⇓

Yeah. Yeah, people drink it.

#164

⇓

- People drink it. Yeah. - That's crazy to me.

#165

⇓

When was the last time you drank straight mixer?

#166

⇓

Oh, I had a diet cola mixer a while ago.

#167

⇓

Oh, did you? Was it any good?

#168

⇓

- Yeah, oh, yeah. - Whoa.

#169

⇓

- What? - Dude.

#170

⇓

You drinking a beer right now?

#171

⇓

What? Get out of town.

#172

⇓

You can lie, but that burp told me the whole story.

#173

⇓

You holding? What you got?

#174

⇓

- You smell the beer? - You holding beer?

#175

⇓

Come on, man.

#176

⇓

- You can't have alcohol on the ship. - Oh, this, uh, this is an empty.

#178

⇓

That was an empty can.

#179

⇓

- A pelican dropped it and we... - Yeah, we picked it up.

#180

⇓

- Yeah, it was, like... - Do you have any more on you, sir?

#181

⇓

- No, not a bit. - Yeah.

#182

⇓

- What's going on here? - Uh, uh, Captain.

#183

⇓

Do you have any more alcohol on you?

#184

⇓

Uh, not a bit.

#185

⇓

- If you'll excuse me. - Yup.

#186

⇓

Whoa!

#187

⇓

What the hell is that, Frank?

#188

⇓

Well, I don't want to run back and forth

#189

⇓

to the cabin all the time, it's so far away.

#190

⇓

- Son of a bitch! - And you, you have any beer on you?

#191

⇓

Aw!

#192

⇓

Charlie, you lied to me.

#193

⇓

Uh, well, you lied first, man!

#194

⇓

Is that the rest of it? Yeah, that's all of it.

#195

⇓

We have to confiscate all these beers from you.

#196

⇓

Yeah, yeah, yeah, got it.

#197

⇓

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no.

#198

⇓

That's my seat, bitch.

#199

⇓

Excuse me.

#200

⇓

Sorry. Got a little worked up.

#201

⇓

Uh, not quite in vacation mode yet. Let me try again.

#202

⇓

Um, please get your shit off my seat.

#203

⇓

I don't see your magazine or towel on it,

#204

⇓

and I got here first,

#205

⇓

so I don't feel like it's really your seat.

#206

⇓

I'm sitting with you.

#207

⇓

Thought you were taking a vacation from us.

#208

⇓

Yeah, I was trying, but this is the only seat open,

#209

⇓

so can you try not to shit on me for, like, the next hour or so, please?

#210

⇓

- I'm trying to relax. - Dee, relax. I'm not gonna shit on you.

#211

⇓

Okay? Nobody's shitting on you.

#212

⇓

How's it going with the wrath thing? You staying away from that?

#213

⇓

Well, yeah, you know, I was trying,

#214

⇓

but there are certain "see you next Tuesdays"

#215

⇓

on this ship that are making it very difficult.

#216

⇓

Well, yeah, I feel you. I'm...

#217

⇓

I'm already struggling with the lust thing.

#218

⇓

See this, uh, flaxen-haired seductress

#219

⇓

across the pool over here?

#220

⇓

Dennis, she looks like she's 12 years old.

#221

⇓

No, she's of age. I checked.

#222

⇓

flaunting it for me, and she knows how easy

#224

⇓

it would be for me to have her, too, because of the implication.

#225

⇓

Not that you would understand. It's not what you think it is.

#226

⇓

No, I think I get it. We're out in the middle of the ocean.

#227

⇓

She's stuck on a boat. She couldn't possibly say no,

#228

⇓

'cause something might go wrong for her if she did.

#229

⇓

That's... That's exactly what it is.

#230

⇓

How did you get that so fast?

#231

⇓

It's like when I'm alone with a guy,

#232

⇓

and we're messing around, and he gets all skittish about banging.

#233

⇓

So then I insinuate that it would be a shame

#234

⇓

if my account of what happened was different from his

#235

⇓

and then he ended up getting a call from the sheriff.

#236

⇓

You know what I mean?

#237

⇓

And then, boom. We plow.

#238

⇓

Okay. Yeah. No, I think I get it.

#239

⇓

- Yeah, right? Right, yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.

#240

⇓

Oh, my God!

#241

⇓

- Oh, a bird shit on me! - Oh.

#242

⇓

A bird shit in my mouth! A bird shit inside of my mouth!

#243

⇓

I'm literally getting shit on.

#244

⇓

I'm literally getting shit on!

#245

⇓

- Hit it! Hit it! Hit it! - Whoa!

#246

⇓

Oh, yeah! Hey.

#247

⇓

- Hey, fellowship was fun. - Yeah, see?

#248

⇓

It doesn't have to be all dour and penitent to praise God.

#249

⇓

- Is it my turn? - Absolutely.

#250

⇓

- Step up. - Okay.

#251

⇓

Ahhh! No!

#252

⇓

- I failed! - It's okay.

#253

⇓

- I failed. I failed you. - Nah.

#254

⇓

I failed God.

#255

⇓

- All right, get me good. - Whoa. Hello.

#256

⇓

- What is... - I brought my cat-o'-nine-tails.

#257

⇓

You know, so, flagellate me. Three-three lashes for missing.

#258

⇓

Why would you want me to do that?

#259

⇓

So I could be a better boy.

#260

⇓

Mac, it isn't a sin to miss, okay? That's...

#261

⇓

We don't punish ourselves for that.

#262

⇓

You don't punish yourselves?

#263

⇓

Then how do you become closer to God?

#264

⇓

By just appreciating the game and the wonderful day.

#265

⇓

Well, sure, yeah, it's a wonderful day now,

#266

⇓

but look at that storm coming.

#267

⇓

That's impending doom right there.

#268

⇓

He probably sent that storm because I keep failing him.

#269

⇓

Look, just relax, try it again,

#270

⇓

and this time, hey, no guilt.

#271

⇓

No guilt?

#272

⇓

Okay.

#273

⇓

Oh, my. Yes!

#274

⇓

- I did it! I did it! - All right.

#275

⇓

In your face! I beat your asses.

#276

⇓

Whoa. Gay. Gay.

#277

⇓

Gay, gay, gay, gay.

#278

⇓

What are you doing? Why are you two kissing?

#279

⇓

Uh, because he's my husband, and we love each other.

#280

⇓

What's going on? What about God? You heard him.

#281

⇓

He clapped and said, "No! Boom!"

#282

⇓

You think thunder is God clapping?

#283

⇓

Oh, no.

#284

⇓

Oh, no.

#285

⇓

You think there's gonna be anybody here with talent?

#286

⇓

I mean, this is a Christian cruise.

#287

⇓

This is gonna be boring as shit.

#288

⇓

I'm anticipating a boring show.

#289

⇓

Oh, there she is.

#290

⇓

- Sitting by me again, huh? - Shut up.

#291

⇓

I need something to wash the bird shit taste out of my mouth.

#292

⇓

- Oh, yeah. - I saw you guys. Where are the beers?

#293

⇓

In the captain's stomach.

#294

⇓

Yeah, it's, uh...

#295

⇓

We kind of got, like, you know, caught with them.

#296

⇓

All of them?

#297

⇓

- Yup. - Pretty much, yeah.

#298

⇓

I knew you couldn't stop from being gluttonous.

#299

⇓

Oh, you guys. Uh, all right, fine... It was a mistake, man.

#300

⇓

Give me the mouthwash. I need the mouthwash then.

#301

⇓

- That's gone, too. Charlie drank it. - I kind of drank all of it.

#302

⇓

- He needed to calm down. - You serious?

#303

⇓

Goddamn it!

#304

⇓

Whoa. See. Oh! See, I don't like the storm, man.

#305

⇓

The storm's starting to freak me out. You know what I mean?

#306

⇓

- Yeah, WTF? - Yes, yes, the storm is intensifying.

#307

⇓

And yet I remain calm in spite of the fact

#308

⇓

that this one here is dressed like this.

#309

⇓

- Uh... - That's just crazy.

#310

⇓

- This girl in the sweater? - He's been doing it all day.

#311

⇓

You think that's... Can you just... Can you just drop it?

#312

⇓

Well, I would if she wouldn't always be sitting in my eyeline.

#313

⇓

Then again, that is what she does.

#314

⇓

She wants me looking at her at all times.

#315

⇓

She's driving me nuts, I'll tell you.

#316

⇓

Maybe I'll send her a drink or something.

#317

⇓

A virgin daiquiri for the virgin?

#318

⇓

Guys, guys,

#319

⇓

guys, guys, guys, guys, I've got news, I've got terrible news.

#320

⇓

Oh, see this is exactly what I wanted a vacation from.

#321

⇓

There are two guys in this church...

#322

⇓

- Yeah. - ...that are gay.

#323

⇓

Who's the other guy?

#324

⇓

I don't get the joke.

#325

⇓

What's wrong with that? So what?

#326

⇓

Well, guys, being gay is not Christian.

#327

⇓

Oh!

#328

⇓

Oh, see? That's... That's freaking me out.

#329

⇓

That's the big man! That's the big man.

#330

⇓

I don't know what it is, but I don't like it.

#331

⇓

Let's go find our beer, man.

#332

⇓

We're gonna go snoop around, see if we can find our beer.

#333

⇓

Recover that beer and bring some back.

#334

⇓

- Yeah. Don't take 'em all. - And why is...

#335

⇓

Ladies and gents, it's talent show time.

#336

⇓

Please welcome Marlene, the magician.

#337

⇓

That's the bitch who stole my chair!

#338

⇓

Magic? The dark arts? Are you guys serious?

#339

⇓

First the queers. Then sorcery?

#340

⇓

- This cruise is going straight to hell. - Okay.

#341

⇓

- I'm out of here! - All right. See ya.

#342

⇓

Peace be with you.

#343

⇓

- We're not saying that other bit. - No.

#344

⇓

For my first trick tonight, I'm going to need a volunteer.

#345

⇓

Hmm. Hey, you, bird girl.

#346

⇓

- Come on up. - Can you believe this bitch?

#347

⇓

Go. Go up.

#348

⇓

- I don't... - Bird girl.

#349

⇓

Yes, we call her bird. We also call her a bird.

#350

⇓

Oh, baby. See? These costumes are a great idea, Frank.

#351

⇓

So we can go anywhere we want on the ship now.

#352

⇓

- Anywhere we want. - And nobody's gonna know.

#353

⇓

That's not exactly the first mate's costume I had in mind.

#354

⇓

- Hey, man, you said "first mate." - That's gonna do.

#355

⇓

I was, like, Gilligan. That's the only guy I know.

#356

⇓

Yeah, no. It's good. It's good.

#357

⇓

All right, so what do you think? We find the captain's quarters,

#358

⇓

- kick down the door, find our beer. - Oh, no.

#359

⇓

- Strangle the guy or something. - Oh, no, no.

#360

⇓

That beer? That beer is long gone.

#361

⇓

- No, we don't want to do that. - Drank it, huh?

#362

⇓

Oh, the party is right down here.

#363

⇓

- And right down here below deck. - This is the party?

#364

⇓

- That's right. This is it. - I don't hear anything.

#365

⇓

All I see is a bunch of pipes.

#366

⇓

- How is this a party? - The pipes are the party.

#367

⇓

The pipes are the party? What are you talking about?

#368

⇓

Well, all the booze we're ever gonna need is running through these pipes.

#369

⇓

So, what? Wait, wait. We're just gonna drink straight boat fuel?

#370

⇓

No. We're gonna cut it.

#371

⇓

With what?

#372

⇓

Mixers.

#373

⇓

- Hmm? - Mmm.

#374

⇓

Oh, good. Yeah, you got one of those.

#375

⇓

Lord, hear my prayer!

#376

⇓

The only reason I went to this church in the first place

#377

⇓

was to become closer to you!

#378

⇓

Well, that and the other church was getting super Vietnamese.

#379

⇓

I just need to know my purpose!

#380

⇓

I-I used to think it was worship

#381

⇓

and then song and dance!

#382

⇓

I got to be honest, I've really taken to it,

#383

⇓

and I think musicals are gonna become

#384

⇓

a huge part of my life moving forward!

#385

⇓

But now with these gay Christians,

#386

⇓

I don't know!

#387

⇓

I need you to show me a sign

#388

⇓

to tell me my purpose here!

#389

⇓

Maybe some lightning!

#390

⇓

Maybe some thunder?

#391

⇓

No?

#392

⇓

Should I have stuck with the Vietnamese?

#393

⇓

Is this your card?

#394

⇓

Can I... Can I have the deck, please?

#395

⇓

I-I got a trick that'll blow you guys out of the water.

#396

⇓

Wait, I'm confused. Is that a challenge

#397

⇓

or a terrorist threat to the ship?

#398

⇓

Give me the goddamn deck.

#399

⇓

By all means.

#400

⇓

Pick a card, any card.

#401

⇓

Hmm...

#402

⇓

Now take a good look at that card, please.

#403

⇓

You might want to bring it a little bit closer,

#404

⇓

just so you can see it well. A little bit closer. Great.

#405

⇓

Now, tell me, what suit is your card?

#406

⇓

- Spades. - Spades. Ooh. All right.

#407

⇓

Now watch while I turn

#408

⇓

- these spades into stars. - Oh!

#409

⇓

Oh, shit!

#410

⇓

Who's getting shit on now, bitch?

#411

⇓

What is wrong with you?

#412

⇓

You knocked out my tooth!

#413

⇓

Did I? That wasn't the plan.

#414

⇓

I didn't mean to... I-I'm sorry.

#415

⇓

I didn't mean to do that.

#416

⇓

Get off the stage, bird girl!

#417

⇓

She stole my chair at the pool, and I got so hot about it.

#418

⇓

Hey, hey. What? No, no, no, no, no!

#419

⇓

Yeah!

#420

⇓

What? No. Aw, no, come on!

#421

⇓

Well, what is this, boat jail?

#422

⇓

I'm not a goddamn Somali pirate, okay?

#423

⇓

No, wait, wait! Ah...

#424

⇓

Goddamn it.

#425

⇓

...thunderstorms, capable of producing gale-force winds...

#426

⇓

The storm's worsening, Captain. What should we do?

#427

⇓

Fire the torpedoes!

#428

⇓

- What? - Full steam ahead!

#429

⇓

- Christ, not you again! - Frank, I think I found

#430

⇓

- where he's hiding the beer! - What do you got, Charlie?

#431

⇓

- No, no, it's just, like, wires and stuff. - Oh, yeah?

#432

⇓

Put these men in the brig.

#433

⇓

- Charlie. Ah, get your hands off... - Wait, wait.

#434

⇓

I'll dispose of those.

#435

⇓

- Oh, yeah, yeah, I know where... - No, no, don't let him drink that!

#436

⇓

Don't let him drink our torpedo juice!

#437

⇓

Dee?

#438

⇓

What'd you get thrown in for?

#439

⇓

I couldn't control my wrath. You?

#440

⇓

- Gluttony. - Yeah.

#441

⇓

Been drinking boat fuel and shit.

#442

⇓

- Oh, sure. Sure. - Yeah.

#443

⇓

Oh, hello.

#444

⇓

Wow. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to scare you there.

#445

⇓

Anyway, I, um... I should have introduced myself earlier.

#446

⇓

I'm the daiquiri man,

#447

⇓

but I suspect you already knew that, didn't you?

#448

⇓

Was it good? Was it sweet?

#449

⇓

I guess.

#450

⇓

Well, it either was or it wasn't.

#451

⇓

Yeah. Yeah. Of course.

#452

⇓

- Yeah. No, I had one, too. - It was... It was sweet.

#453

⇓

You seem sweet.

#454

⇓

I've been watching you

#455

⇓

and following you, of sorts.

#456

⇓

You know, in a good way.

#457

⇓

So how'd you like that magic show?

#458

⇓

Do you enjoy magic?

#459

⇓

You know, I-I can do magic. Whoop.

#460

⇓

- Uh, how did you get that? - Get your license?

#461

⇓

Don't worry about it.

#462

⇓

1996, though. That's good. That makes the cutoff.

#463

⇓

There you go. I wasn't gonna steal it.

#464

⇓

Um...

#465

⇓

So, how about this storm, huh?

#466

⇓

I think it's kind of cool, you know?

#467

⇓

Here we are on a boat, you know, out in the middle of...

#468

⇓

Out in the middle of nowhere, and nobody would ever hear

#469

⇓

our screams in this wind, you know.

#470

⇓

Oh.

#471

⇓

The thunder's really... It's throwing this whole thing off.

#472

⇓

It's making everything I say seem sinister,

#473

⇓

which it's not intended to be, you know what I mean?

#474

⇓

- What's up? - I-I'm sorry. I have to go.

#475

⇓

No, no, no, no, no. No. Sorry, no.

#476

⇓

It's... There's nowhere to go.

#477

⇓

There's really nowhere to go.

#478

⇓

You know? So why don't I, uh, come in your room?

#479

⇓

"Come in your room." That's not what I meant.

#480

⇓

I would like to go in your room.

#481

⇓

Um, and I suspect that maybe you might say no, and yet...

#482

⇓

I also feel like maybe

#483

⇓

you wouldn't dare.

#484

⇓

Well, that's not supposed to happen.

#485

⇓

Guys, come on, come on! It was a misunderstanding!

#486

⇓

The storm made it seem way worse than it is.

#487

⇓

She was never in any danger.

#488

⇓

Lust?

#489

⇓

Yeah.

#490

⇓

Oh, my God, Mac. You're soaking wet. Are you okay?

#491

⇓

Yeah. I was out in the rain looking for a sign from God.

#492

⇓

I never got the timing right,

#493

⇓

but doesn't matter.

#494

⇓

The point is, I thought I was here

#495

⇓

for you guys to open my mind.

#496

⇓

But now I realized I'm here to close yours!

#497

⇓

I'm sorry, what?

#498

⇓

Guys, I'm here to convert you.

#499

⇓

From being gay.

#500

⇓

- You want to convert us? - Yeah!

#501

⇓

You realize how insulting that is?

#502

⇓

How would you like it if I tried to convert you?

#503

⇓

Uh... I wouldn't care. 'Cause that's, like, impossible.

#504

⇓

There's no way you guys could convert me to your lifestyle.

#505

⇓

Let's give it a shot.

#506

⇓

Well, I'm gay.

#507

⇓

- Yeah. - No shit.

#508

⇓

Oh, you guys knew this already?

#509

⇓

- That you were gay? - From the day we met.

#510

⇓

- I've been trying... - Yeah, always.

#511

⇓

- Whoa, really? - But what's going on?

#512

⇓

Did you just get tossed in here? Or, like, why are you in here?

#513

⇓

Oh, no, I just walked in on my own.

#514

⇓

What? You let the door close behind you?

#515

⇓

I couldn't find you guys. I wanted to hang out.

#516

⇓

I had something important to tell you.

#517

⇓

- What is it? - There is no God.

#518

⇓

- Well, what? - What is happening right now?

#519

⇓

Where are you getting this from?

#520

⇓

I was like... Okay.

#521

⇓

If there was a God, there's no way that he would make me queer, right?

#522

⇓

I can't, I can't listen to this anymore. I got to get out of here.

#523

⇓

I can't be around you.

#524

⇓

I've got to get out of here!

#525

⇓

Got to get out of here!

#526

⇓

What are you squawking about?

#527

⇓

Let me out of here!

#528

⇓

Honestly, what's the point anyway? There's no meaning to any of it.

#529

⇓

There's no God, there's no heaven,

#530

⇓

- there's no hell. - Wrong!

#531

⇓

Oh, I just wanted a couple of days.

#532

⇓

Just a couple of days away from you guys.

#533

⇓

But I can't escape you!

#534

⇓

You know where hell is, Mac?

#535

⇓

You know where hell is? It's right here.

#536

⇓

It's right now.

#537

⇓

We are in hell!

#538

⇓

Oh, Jesus.

#539

⇓

What the shit was that?

#540

⇓