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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S11E10 — The Gang Goes to Hell (2)

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 11, Episode 10 — The Gang Goes to Hell (2)

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: The Gang Goes to Hell (2)

Air date: March 09, 2016

Director: Todd Biermann

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

The gang gets real with one another in the face of death.

Source: TMDB

↓

All right, so there we were. We're in the brig

brig

↓

and the whole ship just, you know, bumps.

bumps ship whole

↓

- We get thrown against the wall. - Yeah.

thrown wall

↓

- The sirens are blaring. - Whoa.

blaring sirens whoa

↓

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

How did we get in the brig in the first place?

brig place

↓

I'm very cloudy about the beginning.

beginning

↓

- Recap? - A recap would be good, you know?

recap

↓

Just to brush up on everything that happened.

brush happened

↓

- A recap... - Now, see, I forgot that.

forgot recap

↓

...honestly might be good because

might

↓

we want him to be completely clear before the final judgment.

clear completely completely-clear final judgment

↓

- All right, you know... - Right, yeah.

↓

...the amount of energy we're using talking

amount energy using

↓

we may as well just recap, so fine.

recap

↓

There we were. We're on a Christian cruise.

christian cruise

↓

We were all thrown in the brig for various sins that we committed.

brig committed sins thrown various

↓

asking for forgiveness.

asking forgiveness

↓

My thing, not a rape.

rape

↓

Move on, you're losing him.

losing

↓

- Move on, you're losing him. - I just want to be clear.

clear losing

↓

- Okay, yeah. - I just wanted to be clear.

clear wanted

↓

What the hell is that? What're those sirens for?

sirens whatre

↓

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

↓

I knew I shouldn't have come on this cruise.

cruise

↓

I knew it! I mean, it used to be I would never even leave Philly!

philly used

↓

And then, you know, you guys drag me into this,

drag

↓

you drag me into that, and next thing I know,

drag

↓

How do you know it's not...

↓

Well... Oh.

↓

There you go. It stopped.

stopped

↓

All right, uh, I guess that's good.

↓

Like, if something went wrong,

↓

they come down here, they'd get us, right?

theyd

↓

You know what, guys, what difference does it make?

difference

↓

You know?

↓

Life is just a series of events

events life series

↓

with no meaning or plan, you know?

meaning plan

↓

It's like, we live, we die,

live

↓

we're gay, we're straight, we're tops, we're bottoms.

bottoms straight tops

↓

Wait, wait. Calm down, everybody.

calm everybody

↓

Well, you sure? Like, I don't think we're moving.

moving

↓

We're moving. I can hear the engine buzzing like crazy.

buzzing crazy engine moving

↓

No, I think Charlie's right.

charlies

↓

I don't think that we're moving, and besides,

besides moving

↓

the buzzing would be, like, an electrical system.

buzzing electrical system

↓

You know? The engine sounds more like...

engine sounds

↓

It's got like a big, deep sound, it's like a...

deep sound

↓

Yeah, if you're starting the engine, but, like,

engine starting

↓

Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah...

↓

No, you guys are all wrong.

↓

No, boats are mostly computerized these days,

boats days mostly

↓

so the engine barely makes any noise at all.

barely engine makes noise

↓

I mean, they make a fake noise

fake noise

↓

to make people feel better, but it's like...

↓

But it's fake, it's not real, you know?

fake real

↓

It's kind of like how I carry a little piece of onion

carry onion piece

↓

around with me to elicit tears, you know,

tears

↓

in case someone needs me to feel something

case needs

↓

about what they said or are doing, you know what I mean?

↓

Do you have an onion in your pocket right now?

onion pocket

↓

No, I'm taking a vacation from myself.

vacation

↓

Was it a vacation from hearing, okay?

hearing vacation

↓

'Cause if the engine was going, we would hear a gah, gah, gah,

engine

↓

- gah, gah, gah, gah... - Are you deaf, Charlie?

charlie deaf

↓

I was like...

↓

- All right, okay! - I mean, that's ridiculous!

ridiculous

↓

All right, all right!

↓

Goddamn! Okay, look.

goddamn

↓

Let's just... Let's all agree

agree

↓

that it doesn't sound like a speedboat

sound

↓

or something that's off-roading, all right?

↓

It does make a little bit of a buzz. Yeah?

buzz

↓

But most modern ships these days, their engines,

days engines modern ships

↓

they don't make a lot of noise,

noise

↓

but they do make a little bit of noise.

noise

↓

Can we all just agree on this?

agree

↓

- Yeah. - Fine, I can live with that.

live

↓

- Fine, I can live with it. - Fine.

live

↓

How long have we been talking about this?

↓

Four hours, six minutes.

four four-hours hours minutes

↓

Well, there's some pros and some cons, guys.

cons pros

↓

We've cut our conflict resolution time in half.

conflict half resolution

↓

Four hours, that's good for us.

four four-hours hours

↓

- That's huge. - Good work.

huge

↓

Charlie's right, the ship is probably not moving

charlies moving ship

↓

because we definitely would've been in the Bahamas by now.

wouldve

↓

What?

↓

- Yep. - Oh.

↓

Well, that's not good, right?

↓

No. It's not good.

↓

I mean, four hours?

four four-hours hours

↓

- Well... - The boat not moving!

boat moving

↓

No one comes down to say anything like,

comes

↓

No, they've forgotten about us!

forgotten

↓

And we're gonna die in here! Oh, my God, I'm freaking out.

freaking

↓

- We got to get out of here. Help! - Whoa, Charlie.

charlie whoa

↓

- Calm down, Charlie. - Help!

calm charlie

↓

- Help us! - Charlie!

charlie

↓

- You got to help! - Hey! Hey!

↓

Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi!

↓

Mmm, yep, yep, yep. Mmm.

↓

- Wow. - Yeah?

↓

- Yep. - Oi, oi, oi.

↓

What was that, dude? You sound like a soccer hooligan.

soccer sound

↓

Yeah, that's just something I've been doing

↓

with Charlie lately when he gets a little wound up.

charlie lately wound

↓

You know, it seems to work.

seems

↓

- Say yup, yup, yup. - That's good.

↓

The most important thing for us to do now

↓

is to keep our wits together.

wits

↓

Why don't we play a few games?

games

↓

No! I just wanted to get away from you guys, just for a few days.

days wanted

↓

Now we're stuck in a box,

stuck

↓

and you're gonna play some games now?

games

↓

- What? - What the hell do you mean you're out?

↓

- I'm out. Nobody talk to me. - No, Dee.

nobody

↓

That's not a very good idea.

idea

↓

You know, when my dad was in solitary confinement,

↓

I used to write to him every day to see how it was.

used write

↓

He never wrote back, but if he did, he would've said,

wouldve wrote

↓

"Son, you've got to keep your mind active.

active mind

↓

Also, I love you."

love

↓

Are you sure he wouldn't say,

↓

"Remind me who you are again"?

remind

↓

Ho!

↓

That was great! That was Luther!

luther

↓

- My dad knows who I am. - Yeah.

knows

↓

Hey, do the voice again, but this time say,

voice

↓

- "I love you, son." - Nah.

love

↓

- Oh. - But, no,

↓

like any kind of impressions you got, like any kind of...

impressions

↓

You want to hear me do a couple of impressions?

couple impressions

↓

That'd be fun. Yeah, okay, so let's see.

fun thatd

↓

All right, so let me know which ones you want to hear.

ones

↓

I'm sorry, Dee, I thought you were sitting out.

sitting

↓

I was out, but then these guys wanted to hear

wanted

↓

some impressions, and since I'm always wanting to be of service,

impressions service wanting

↓

- here I am. - They don't want to hear your impressions.

impressions

↓

- They want to hear my impressions. - No.

impressions

↓

Your impressions are terrible.

impressions

↓

Are you out of your mind? No.

mind

↓

My impressions are fantastic.

fantastic impressions

↓

Do Obama.

obama

↓

Obama? Well, I can't do that.

obama

↓

- Why not? - Why can't you do Obama?

obama

↓

'Cause he's a black man and I'm a white woman.

black white white-woman woman

↓

Can you give me a white woman?

white white-woman woman

↓

You think I can't do a black woman? I mean...

black woman

↓

- No. - I... okay, give me... Name one.

name

↓

C.C.H. Pounder.

pounder

↓

- Who's that? - C.C.H. Poun...

↓

The actress from The Shield.

actress shield

↓

Love that show. Okay. No, I can do that.

love

↓

Let's see.

↓

God damn it, Dutch!

dutch

↓

What other errands do you have us running for the D.A.?

errands running

↓

- Wow! - Holy shit!

holy

↓

That was great!

↓

That was spot-on!

spot

↓

- Thanks, man. - "Spot-on"?

spot thanks

↓

You don't even know who she is, Frank.

frank

↓

I just assumed she's a no-nonsense black broad from the precinct.

assumed black broad nonsense

↓

That's exactly who she is.

↓

Fine, fine. I'll do Obama, okay?

obama

↓

Okay, what do you got?

↓

- Oh! - Oh!

↓

- Oh, my God, Dee. - That is bad!

↓

What are you doing?

↓

That was so racist.

racist

↓

- Are you kidding me? - Very racist!

kidding racist

↓

Deandra, he is the president of the United States.

deandra president states united united-states

↓

- That's our president. - Well, hold on a second.

president second

↓

Why was that racist, but what he did was fine?

racist

↓

Uh... okay, well, you know, I... I'm just warming up.

warming

↓

Let me... Let me try again. Um...

↓

Hey, yo, where my senators at, dawg?

dawg

↓

Oh!

↓

Oi, oi, oi, oi! Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi!

↓

I'm gonna have lots of these types of functions

functions lots types

↓

in the future, you know, with my new lifestyle.

future lifestyle

↓

Wow, you're really just diving right into that, huh?

diving

↓

Just, stereotypes and all.

stereotypes

↓

- We are gonna have an imaginary meal. - Mmm.

imaginary meal

↓

I read about this. Yes.

read

↓

- That's true. - Okay.

↓

Can I have a broad with me with big tits?

broad tits

↓

No, because that's gonna force us

force

↓

to imagine things that we don't want to imagine.

imagine

↓

- Good point. - So get rid of my dog?

point

↓

Yeah, no dogs.

dogs

↓

Go! Go! Hey, get out of here!

↓

- Don't kick it. - Get!

kick

↓

Our house? Why's it our house?

house whys

↓

Let me set the scene: the food.

food scene

↓

- The menu. - Ooh, yeah, start with the...

menu start

↓

Paint a nice picture for us. I'm starving.

paint picture starving

↓

You're gonna start with a big hunk of chicken.

chicken hunk start

↓

You know, boiled and skinless, or whatever.

boiled skinless

↓

Huh. Okay.

↓

And then, um, you're gonna want brown with the white, right?

brown white

↓

So, like, maybe, like, um, some, like, brown rice.

brown rice

↓

No... No butter or... Or seasoning or...

butter

↓

- Really? - I want mashed potatoes.

mashed mashed-potatoes potatoes

↓

No, no mashed potatoes, that's just empty carbs.

carbs empty mashed mashed-potatoes potatoes

↓

Why can't we just imagine whatever we want?

imagine

↓

Because this is my dinner party.

dinner dinner-party party

↓

- Well, then take us there! - Yeah!

↓

All right! Everybody's got something to drink.

drink everybodys

↓

- Is it a milkshake? - No!

milkshake

↓

No, not milkshakes. Gatorade.

gatorade

↓

"Blue" is not a flavor.

blue flavor

↓

How am I gonna taste blue?

blue taste

↓

Well, just imagine what blue tastes like.

blue imagine tastes

↓

It just tastes like blue.

blue tastes

↓

- Let's just dig in. - Yeah, can we eat?

↓

All right.

↓

Mine's kind of tough. Did you overcook this?

mines tough

↓

No, I didn't cook it at all.

cook

↓

You...

↓

Spit it out! It's raw! You're gonna get sick!

sick spit

↓

What are you guys doing? You don't need to spit it out.

spit

↓

For the love of God. Just imagine that it tastes good, okay?

imagine love tastes

↓

Look at Dennis, see?

dennis

↓

Oh, I'm not... I'm not imagining your meal.

imagining meal

↓

Braised with lardons and mushrooms.

mushrooms

↓

- I want that! - Yeah.

↓

Well, then have it... It's right in front of you.

front

↓

Ah, come here, baby.

baby

↓

Oh, hey!

↓

She got her foot in my raw chicken!

chicken foot

↓

- Get your hooker's foot out of my chicken! - No, no, no, no.

chicken foot hookers

↓

- No dates, no coq au vin, no hookers. - Get it out of my chicken!

chicken dates hookers

↓

- Stop ruining this! - I'm not ruining it.

ruining

↓

Oh, this? It's the sound of my blender cranking milkshakes.

blender cranking sound

↓

- I'll take a milkshake. - I'll have one... Sounds good.

milkshake sounds

↓

- I'll take one. - That is not what blenders sound like.

sound

↓

- Hey! - What are you doing?

↓

I'm flipping the table! Smash! Crash!

crash flipping smash table

↓

Now I'm breaking a plate! Boom! Smash!

boom breaking plate smash

↓

What the hell, dude?

↓

- Oh, that was uncalled for. - That's nice.

uncalled

↓

Nothing is working, all right?

working

↓

You know what, I want you guys to just...

↓

Everybody just be quiet.

everybody quiet

↓

Why don't we just try not talking for a while?

↓

- I'm fine with that. - Yeah.

↓

- Shh! - Of course.

course

↓

Yeah.

↓

Okay.

↓

Okay.

↓

Ha!

↓

Well, that was lame.

lame

↓

- So stupid. - So stu...

stupid

↓

I hated that show, Stomp.

hated stomp

↓

- Ugh, I hate rhythm. - Hang on. Hang on.

hang hate rhythm

↓

Dee, what was that?

↓

I thought we were all doing, like, a Stomp thing or something.

stomp

↓

That bench, you opened that bench.

bench opened

↓

- What's inside there? - Oh.

↓

- That opens? - Yes.

opens

↓

- Maybe there's food in there. - Is there food in there?

food

↓

Uh, no, just... Just this water gun.

water

↓

That's not a water gun, man, that's a flare gun,

flare water

↓

which I'll hold onto for safekeeping.

↓

Uh... Why?

↓

Well, because I'm the most responsible person.

person responsible

↓

Uh, guys, I don't think any of us should have a gun.

↓

- Yeah. - Yeah.

↓

Well, one of us does, so... the end.

↓

Charlie, let me have the gun.

charlie

↓

Back up, Frank. Don't come close to me.

close frank

↓

- Charlie, calm down. - "Calm down, Charlie"?

calm charlie

↓

We're trapped on a sinking ship, okay?

ship sinking trapped

↓

We're gonna die in here.

↓

I don't know what you guys are capable of.

capable

↓

I will hold the gun, thank you very much.

↓

Wait a second, Charlie, the boat's not sinking, okay?

boats charlie second second-charlie sinking

↓

- It's just stopped. - It's okay.

stopped

↓

Everything's gonna be all right as long as everybody remains calm.

calm everybody everythings remains

↓

What the hell is that?

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

What's going on? What was that?

↓

Oh, this is bad. This is really bad.

↓

All right. Let's think.

↓

If the room's on its side,

rooms side

↓

does that mean the boat's on its side?

boats side

↓

Yeah, that's what it means! What are you talking about?

↓

I don't know how boats this big work. All right.

boats

↓

- Help us! - This is bad!

↓

This is very bad!

↓

We got to get up there and try that door again.

door

↓

Maybe that lodged something loose.

lodged loose

↓

Get up there? How are we supposed to reach?

reach supposed

↓

Oh! What about a human pyramid?

human pyramid

↓

Yes. Yes, Mac, a human pyramid.

human pyramid

↓

All right, you and I will be the bottoms.

bottoms

↓

Why? 'Cause I'm gay?

↓

No, not because you're gay, dumbass!

dumbass

↓

Because we're the strongest.

strongest

↓

- God damn it. - All right, and, Frank, Charlie,

charlie frank

↓

you'll be on us.

↓

Dee, you'll be on the very top.

↓

- Okay. - I'll be a bottom now,

bottom

↓

but in real life, just to be clear, I'm gonna be a top.

clear life real real-life

↓

Okay, fine, when you're having gay sex, you can be on the top.

having

↓

But for now we're on the bottom.

bottom

↓

Damn it, the door is locked!

door locked

↓

We're done for! We're gonna die in here!

↓

- Frank, get yourself together! - We're gonna die in here!

frank

↓

- Stop losing your shit! - All right, relax!

losing relax

↓

- Nobody's dying! - That's right.

dying nobodys

↓

Just listen to Charlie, he seems to have his head straight. Calm down.

calm charlie head head-straight seems straight

↓

'Cause we're already dead.

dead

↓

Come again?

↓

I figured it out.

figured

↓

We're dead. We died.

dead died

↓

I don't know when it happened.

happened

↓

It might have happened on the cruise ship.

cruise cruise-ship happened might ship

↓

It might have happened on the drive to the cruise ship.

cruise cruise-ship drive happened might ship

↓

You were going awful fast, Dennis.

awful dennis fast

↓

I don't know.

↓

Maybe it happened weeks ago in the bar,

happened weeks

↓

in some sort of colossal and awesome event, I would imagine,

awesome event imagine

↓

but we're dead, and we're in hell.

dead

↓

We're just being toyed with here.

↓

Maybe we're not in hell yet.

↓

Maybe this is purgatory,

↓

and we're on our way to be judged.

judged

↓

And soon, oh, boy.

↓

Soon, we'll really be in hell.

↓

Won't that be something.

↓

Charlie, calm down. It's gonna be fine, okay?

calm charlie

↓

We can't be freaking out every five minutes.

five five-minutes freaking minutes

↓

Now, look, if we work together, everything's gonna be fine.

everythings

↓

We're gonna get out of here.

↓

Nah, we're already dead.

dead

↓

I'll prove it.

prove

↓

No!

↓

I think he's coming to.

coming

↓

Oh, shit, that hurt.

hurt

↓

Easy.

easy

↓

Well, I guess that means we're alive, huh?

alive

↓

Yeah, guess we are, Charlie.

charlie

↓

Good, well, then maybe everything's gonna be okay.

everythings

↓

Pal, we're in deep shit here.

deep

↓

- Oh, shit! - Take it easy.

easy

↓

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Take it easy.

easy

↓

It's not good. It's not good.

↓

- Oh. - As long as, um,

↓

we're not gonna get out of here...

↓

And it looks like that's sort of where this is headed...

headed

↓

Is it okay if I just confess something,

confess

↓

get it off my chest before we die?

chest

↓

That's a good idea.

idea

↓

We shouldn't die holding things in about ourselves.

holding

↓

Go ahead, Dee.

ahead go-ahead

↓

Mac owns a Cowboys jersey.

cowboys jersey owns

↓

I saw him wearing it in the back office.

office wearing

↓

- What? - Uh... What?

↓

That's a secret, Dee! What are you...

secret

↓

- Don't say it's Romo. - Of course it's Romo!

course

↓

- Who else would it be? - Oh, my God!

↓

I'm sorry.

↓

You don't think he deserves to be MVP?

deserves

↓

- You son of a bitch. - He's constantly overlooked!

bitch constantly

↓

You are a traitor!

traitor

↓

- How many Super Bowls have the Birds won? - Oh, shut up!

birds bowls super

↓

Go Birds!

birds

↓

- Oi, oi, oi! - Okay, you know what?

↓

I've got something I want to confess.

confess

↓

Charlie changes Frank's prescription on his glasses

changes charlie franks glasses prescription

↓

to keep Frank dependent on him.

dependent frank

↓

Whoa! Why the hell you blowin' up my spot, man?

spot whoa

↓

- What? - Uh, I'm sorry, Frank.

frank

↓

All right, fine. Well, as long as we're "tattling,"

↓

uh, Dennis ripped up all the letters

dennis letters ripped

↓

that your dad wrote from prison, so... you know.

prison wrote

↓

What? My dad has been writing? Dennis, is that true?

dennis writing

↓

Yeah, man, but you were just gonna be talking about it all the time,

↓

and then your dad was probably gonna come to our house

house

↓

and, like, try to kill us or eat our butts.

butts kill

↓

You know? I'm trying to protect you, dude! And me.

protect

↓

Does he still write?

write

↓

Well, no, pal, 'cause you never wrote him back.

wrote

↓

But, hey, if it makes you feel any better,

makes

↓

I read all those letters,

letters read

↓

and he never once said that he loved you.

loved

↓

He just mostly wanted you to send him

mostly send wanted

↓

pornographic magazines and put drugs in your butthole.

butthole drugs magazines pornographic

↓

I can't believe this. I...

believe

↓

I could've had a relationship with my dad.

couldve relationship

↓

But you ruined it.

ruined

↓

Normally, I would attack you, but... I... I don't have any fight left.

attack fight left normally

↓

Wow.

↓

Well, shit, man. I... I... I hurt ya.

hurt

↓

I can see that.

↓

And, uh... you know, it was... It was wrong of me.

↓

Oh, God, I'll tell you...

↓

I see how much pain you're in right now.

pain

↓

It's just...

↓

...it's tearing me up inside.

tearing

↓

Jesus, Dennis, you're crying.

crying dennis jesus

↓

Well, yeah.

↓

I mean, you've turned me into a blubbering fool here,

fool turned

↓

because I've hurt...

hurt

↓

not just my friend...

friend

↓

...but my brother.

brother

↓

I've hurt my brother.

brother hurt

↓

- Onion! - Onion!

onion

↓

- I just saw it! He's got an onion there! - Aw, I knew it!

onion

↓

- He's got an onion! - You are such an asshole. I...

asshole onion

↓

Now I gotta tell you!

↓

I got a confession.

confession

↓

- What is it, Frank? - I was at Chappaquiddick.

frank

↓

The girl, Teddy Kennedy,

girl kennedy teddy

↓

the bridge, the car...

bridge

↓

I played a major role.

major played role

↓

Jesus, Frank, we're not doing confessions.

frank jesus jesus-frank

↓

We're doing tattling. Keep up.

↓

You know what? That's all right.

↓

Guys, let's stop fighting, okay?

fighting

↓

No more confessions, no more tattling on each other, all right?

↓

Look, guys, let's just try to enjoy

enjoy

↓

these last moments we've got together.

moments

↓

Okay? Or these last hours.

hours

↓

Or, hell... it could even be days.

days

↓

God, we're gonna drown.

drown

↓

I'm too young to drown!

drown young

↓

We should die thinking good thoughts.

thinking thoughts

↓

- Yeah. - For me,

↓

that's Romo connecting with Dez Bryant.

connecting

↓

- Oh, stop it! - You traitor!

traitor

↓

- You son of a bitch! - Shut your mouth!

bitch mouth

↓

Guys, don't fight. Don't fight, come on.

fight

↓

Oh, we're not good people, we can't even die peacefully.

peacefully

↓

Yeah.

↓

Amazing grace

amazing grace

↓

How sweet the sauce...

sauce sweet

↓

- Sauce? - That made...

sauce

↓

It's not "sauce."

sauce

↓

Look, you gotta get the words right,

words

↓

otherwise Jesus is gonna know we're trying to trick him.

jesus otherwise trick

↓

Jesus isn't gonna listen to us.

jesus

↓

He's just not, 'cause we're bad people.

↓

But if he's gonna listen to anybody, he might listen to Mac.

anybody might

↓

Mac, you've been talking to him your whole life.

life whole whole-life

↓

- Mac... - He knows you!

knows

↓

- He doesn't even know who I am. - Save us! Mac, save us.

save

↓

- Guys, guys... there is no God. - Oi!

↓

Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi! Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi!

↓

Okay, okay, okay. One last shot.

shot

↓

Uh, dear Heavenly Father...

dear father heavenly

↓

Yeah.

↓

...if you do exist, and you are listening,

exist listening

↓

if you could find it in your heart

heart

↓

to send us a miracle...

miracle send

↓

- Just send us one miracle, please. - One miracle.

miracle send

↓

Our goose is cooked!

cooked goose

↓

I'm going down.

↓

Highway to hell, baby!

baby highway

↓

Sis... I love you.

love

↓

Whatever.

↓

What? Whatever?

↓

Whatever?

↓

Unbelievable!

unbelievable

↓

Ah, whatever.

↓

I can't believe nobody came to save us.

believe nobody save

↓

Should we do this?

↓

Let's go be with the gang.

gang

↓

All right.

↓

And then, uh, you know, and then we all got pulled up.

pulled

↓

I mean, it was a miracle. It was an actual miracle.

actual miracle

↓

Yeah. Hey, I'm sorry, can I stop...

↓

Can you just move that light a little bit?

light

↓

- It's blasting me right in my face. - It's been blasting us this whole time.

blasting face whole

↓

- Can you move the light, please? - Just a little bit?

light

↓

- Sorry about that. - Oh, wow!

↓

So much better.

↓

Should've said something earlier.

shouldve

↓

Well, harrowing stuff, but I think I got everything I need.

harrowing stuff

↓

Could you mark down in your report

mark report

↓

- that I'm not gay? Because I'm not. - What?

↓

- What do you mean, you're not gay? - Since when?

↓

- He's gay. - Oh, well, because

↓

God answered my prayers and saved us.

answered prayers saved

↓

That means that there is, of course, a God,

course

↓

and if there is a God, then in his infinite wisdom,

infinite wisdom

↓

there's no way he would have made me queer.

queer

↓

Oh. I'm straight.

straight

↓

- All righty. - Look, look...

righty

↓

are we gonna get in trouble because of this accident?

accident trouble

↓

Uh, nope, you're good to go.

nope

↓

I just needed your report for my insurance claim.

claim insurance needed report

↓

Insurance claim? You're not a cop?

claim insurance

↓

Cop? No, I'm an insurance adjustor.

insurance

↓

I'm just collecting reports of people's experiences

collecting experiences peoples reports

↓

- for insurance purposes. - Oh.

insurance purposes

↓

I'm so relieved.

relieved

↓

So, are we gonna get a payout?

↓

Well, you might have, had you not just admitted to breaking...

admitted breaking might

↓

several laws.

laws several

↓

- What? - Right, well... hang on, though.

hang

↓

I mean, we got trapped in a room

room trapped

↓

by a drunk captain who sunk the ship.

captain drunk ship sunk

↓

- We almost died, man. - Yeah, man.

died

↓

No, it wasn't the captain's fault. He was sober.

captains fault sober

↓

Well, what happened? Whose fault was it?

fault happened

↓

Nobody's fault.

fault nobodys

↓

The ship just hit a massive wave during the storm.

massive ship storm wave

↓

In the insurance biz, that is what we call

insurance

↓

"an act of God."

↓

Well, God is great.

↓

Oh, blessed is he that loves the Lord

blessed lord loves

↓

Trust in Jesus and he'll restore

jesus restore trust

↓

Well, when you're low and hard to bear

bear hard

↓

Jesus will answer prayer

answer jesus prayer

↓

Oh, Jesus

jesus

↓

Jesus will answer prayer

answer jesus prayer

↓

Oh, Jesus

jesus

↓

Jesus will answer prayer

answer jesus prayer

↓

Well, I know he'll take away your burdens

↓

And he'll take away all your cares

cares

↓

Oh, blessed be the name of Jesus Christ

blessed christ jesus jesus-christ name

↓

He hung up there on the cross and died

cross died hung

↓

Oh...