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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
» S12E01 — The Gang Turns Black
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Season 12, Episode 1 — The Gang Turns Black
I can't think of a better way to have a movie night
#3
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than in the middle of an electrical storm.
#4
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- It's kind of cozy. - Cool.
#5
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Why do we have to watch The Wiz? This movie sucks.
#6
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It's Old Black Man's night to pick the movie.
#7
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- But he's asleep. - Yeah, but...
#8
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Why do a remake of The Wizard of Oz? The original was a classic.
#9
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It's very difficult being a black person in America, you know?
#11
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So what? Doesn't mean I want to watch Orlando Bloom in Boyz n the Hood.
#12
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- If you flip it, it's weird, man. - I would see that.
#14
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Look, this may be a little bit touchy for me to say,
#15
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but black people have a lot more opportunities these days.
#16
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That doesn't mean there's not problems.
#18
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What about the whole Black Lives Matter thing?
#19
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Sure, no, good point.
#20
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But I don't know why it took 'em so long to realize that their lives matter.
#21
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They've always mattered.
#22
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it's kind of tough out there right now for everybody.
#25
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Really, our lives aren't all that different.
#26
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Oh...
#27
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I think it came through the electric blankets.
#29
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- Yeah, we got electrocuted. - Holy shit.
#30
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Look at this, the VCR's toast.
#31
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Uh, wait a sec...
#32
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- Oh, my God. - He's gone.
#34
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- What the hell? - What?
#35
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Uh...
#36
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Guys?
#37
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You're gonna wanna see this.
#38
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What?
#39
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Well, that's interesting.
#40
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What the hell is happening?
#41
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Why are we black people?
#42
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But only in our reflections.
#43
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This is insane.
#44
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Are we in a dream? Do we gotta pinch ourselves or something?
#45
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Why is it daylight outside?
#46
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- How is this happening? - Forget how. We're past that.
#47
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It is happening. It just is.
#48
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Give me one good reason
#49
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Whoa
#50
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What are you doing?
#51
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Give me one good reason
#52
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Why we're this way
#53
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Why are you doing this?
#54
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I don't have a reason
#55
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Whoa
#56
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I don't have a reason for a thing
#57
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That's happened today
#58
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I wonder why we're singing
#59
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Every word that we say
#60
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I wonder if we're living out The Wiz in some way
#61
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No, it's not, because nobody switches bodies in The Wiz.
#62
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Gotta be something else.
#63
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I think we're experiencing something a little more like...
#64
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The Hot Chick, The Change-Up
#65
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Vice Versa All of Me
#67
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Like Father, Like Son
#68
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Dating the Enemy
#69
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A Boy Thing, A Girl Thing
#70
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13 on 30
#71
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Detention Face/Off
#72
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Right. Actually, Face/Off wouldn't work,
#73
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- that's a face-switching movie. - No.
#74
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- Hmm? - What the hell's a Quantum Leap?
#76
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where Scott Bakula would leap into other people's bodies,
#78
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These are not good reasons
#80
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Now I'm just confused and I don't know
#82
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- Wow. - Shit.
#84
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- I don't know what that was. - Super weird.
#85
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I think I know what's happening. I think we're in the respite of a musical,
#86
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that doesn't fit into rhyme form.
#88
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- Clearly, that's what's happening. - Yeah.
#89
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So, let's talk fast before another song starts.
#90
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- Good idea. - The problem is we don't know the rules.
#91
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And we won't figure this out until we figure out what the rules are.
#92
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Christ, I'm singing again.
#94
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What are the rules?
#95
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When you've just turned black
#96
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And you can't switch back
#97
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Well, you got to go And find out the rules
#98
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Oh.
#99
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- Oh, my. - Wow.
#100
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Holy shit, what have I done? Um, okay, look.
#101
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This is gonna keep happening, I think. So, let's figure this out, soon.
#102
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Let's split up. You two, go and try and find Old Black Man.
#103
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- I'm sorry. Old Man. Just Old Man. - Yeah. Yeah.
#104
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And help him out. Do the Quantum Leap thing.
#105
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try to figure out whose bodies we switched with.
#108
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What are the rules?
#110
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What are the rules?
#111
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What are the rules?
#112
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What are the rules?
#113
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When you just turned black
#114
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And you can't switch back
#115
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Well, you got to go and find out the rules
#116
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I think we're in The Wiz
#117
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Don't force the Wiz thing.
#118
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Wait, where are my keys?
#119
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- Where are my keys? - You don't have 'em?
#120
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I can't... Wait, what is this?
#121
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- It's a wallet. - I know that, asshole.
#122
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I'm saying it's not my wallet.
#123
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Oh.
#124
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I appear to be a guy named Reggie Williams.
#125
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- Oh, shit. - Oh.
#126
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This is an interesting new rule.
#127
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It seems that even though we have our own clothes,
#128
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we have access to the pockets of our reflections.
#129
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- What movie is that from? - I don't know.
#130
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My pockets are empty.
#131
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Maybe the lesson we're supposed to learn is that black people are broke.
#132
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You're broke.
#133
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- Good point. - Shit, hang on a second.
#134
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- This kid's got 25 bucks. - Black people are rich. That's the lesson.
#135
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I think we're not supposed to make wild assumptions about black people
#136
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based upon whether or not we have stuff in our pockets.
#137
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Yeah, don't make that assumption.
#138
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But you know what the first thing I need to do is?
#139
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- Find Reggie Williams. - No, that's the second thing.
#140
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I gotta cancel my credit card, 'cause this Reggie guy might have it.
#141
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Right, that's the lesson. Black people will ruin your credit.
#142
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Guys, you have to stop. What are you talking...
#143
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I'm trying to figure out what the lesson is.
#144
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- We'll never zap back, making these-- - Hold on.
#145
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I was saying that I'd cancel my credit card,
#146
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no matter what race the guy was.
#147
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But you went right to it. Let's just find the guy.
#148
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How will we get in your car without your keys?
#149
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I can get in. I've lost my keys before.
#150
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You just gotta rock the car a little bit.
#151
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And check the back door, 'cause sometimes that's unlocked.
#152
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- A wire hanger... - Usually, if I push it a little...
#153
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- A coat hanger somewhere. - Just kinda slide the window down...
#154
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Car 559, responding to robbery in progress.
#155
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It's all right, calm down.
#156
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It's all good. We can talk our way out of this.
#157
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We get out of this stuff all the time.
#158
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Well, I think we just found out a new rule
#159
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This is the exact same place where I found Old Black Man...
#160
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- What? God! God, Frank. - Sorry, sorry.
#161
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- Old Man, in the first place. - Okay.
#162
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This has to be our mission. I just feel it. We'll find Old Man.
#163
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We'll find him a place to live.
#164
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We'll stick him in a nursing home. Can you afford that?
#165
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Yes. Then, when we turn white again, I'll stop paying the checks.
#166
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Oh, stop! Don't say that out loud.
#167
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I feel like whoever zapped us here is probably listening.
#168
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Who's that? Who zapped us?
#169
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I don't know, Ziggy?
#170
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They never really clarified on Quantum Leap.
#171
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- They just accepted it. - What?
#172
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Nobody went after the guy for revenge?
#173
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Can you just move past it like they did? Let's go find your guy.
#174
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But let me do the talking,
#175
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because guys like Z, they don't like strangers.
#176
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Yeah, but you're not you.
#177
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Oh, right.
#178
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Okay. Well, I got an idea
#179
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of how we can ingratiate ourselves to them.
#180
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Let's make one thing perfectly clear
#181
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I'm gonna say some words down here
#182
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I haven't had the chance to say before
#183
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Where are you going with this, Frank?
#184
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I'm gonna say "homie"
#185
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Oh, come on.
#186
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I'm gonna say "bro"
#187
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Are you serious?
#188
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I'm gonna say "my man"
#189
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Now you're just stereotyping.
#190
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I'm gonna say "fo' sho'"
#191
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I'm gonna say the "N" word
#192
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No. Stop, stop, stop.
#193
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- Why? Why? - Thank you. No.
#194
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- We're not saying that. Absolutely not. - Why? I'm black now.
#195
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It's probably the only chance I got to say it.
#196
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Why are you looking for a chance to say it?
#197
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Well, a lot of black guys say it.
#198
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Why should they get a pass?
#199
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It's just not the same, okay?
#200
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You're not one of them
#201
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Don't say them
#202
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No, that's not what I mean
#203
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What do you mean?
#204
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You're not one of us
#205
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That's just confusing
#206
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Now I'm getting lost
#207
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We'll say "N" together
#208
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Not saying the "N" word
#209
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We'll leave off the "E-R"
#210
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Not saying it that way
#211
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And that is the end
#212
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On saying the "N" word
#213
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What's up, my niggas?
#214
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What are the rules?
#215
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There you go. Hey, see?
#216
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- You know what it is? - Yeah. I'm black.
#217
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Uh... Too. Uh...
#218
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I'm black and I'm a friend of Frank's.
#219
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- Right. - And...
#220
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And I was looking for...
#221
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A man that Frank came and brought to Dee's apartment
#222
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to sleep with a bunch of other people, and I...
#223
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I don't know how to describe him.
#224
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He's old, and, uh...
#225
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- And he's... - And, uh...
#226
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He's about this tall. He has...
#227
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Man, you talking about Old Black Man.
#228
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He right over there, laying.
#229
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How much does this guy sleep? Is he a cat?
#230
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All aboard. Chug-a-chug-a-toot-toot.
#231
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You really like that train, huh?
#232
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Can you put it down for a sec, so we can talk?
#233
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Well, I'm still playing with it, though.
#234
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Okay.
#235
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Listen, I'm a social worker,
#236
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and I have some questions.
#237
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Now, are those older guys your friends?
#238
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Oh, yeah. That's my gang.
#239
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Wait. You're in a gang?
#240
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Oh, not like a gang-gang, like a...
#241
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Oh, right. This must sound weird.
#242
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All right, how can I explain this?
#243
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Well, we hang in a bar where I like to clean the toilets
#244
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And I also kill the rats and get tanked
#245
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And I live in a walk-up in some section eight housing
#246
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Where I sleep with a man named Frank
#247
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You sleep with him?
#248
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Unless he brings home a hooker, then I sleep in the closet
#249
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Excuse me can I make this train fly?
#250
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Sure.
#251
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Is Frank your father?
#252
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No, he's just some guy
#253
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That banged my mother
#254
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Like this guy and the other
#255
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She's a hooker and it's sad
#256
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But I don't feel all that bad
#257
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Guess I'm just another black kid
#258
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Who doesn't know his dad
#259
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Guess we got that in common, huh, kid?
#260
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Oh, unless he knows his dad. Shoot. That was racist.
#261
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This is bullshit, man. This is total discrimination.
#262
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We were breaking into a car that wasn't ours.
#263
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But I think we've got bigger problems on our hands.
#264
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- What if we have priors? - I do have priors.
#265
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Oh, I have priors, too. I didn't mean us, I meant them.
#266
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Dude. That could be... He probably does have priors.
#267
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- Yeah. - Oh, no. See, let's not do that.
#268
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Let's not go there, man.
#269
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Let's not draw conclusions
#270
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They're only just illusions
#271
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Never, ever, ever just assume
#272
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Right.
#273
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The road is always two ways
#274
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And assumptions make bad through-ways
#275
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Let's open up our hearts for much more room
#276
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Yes.
#277
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Like, maybe, I'm a doctor
#278
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Maybe it's just that
#279
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Or maybe I'm a French chef
#280
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And that's why you're so fat
#281
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Maybe you're a fireman
#282
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Saving people's lives
#283
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Maybe we're just good men
#284
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With houses, kids and wives
#285
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Let's draw good conclusions
#286
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Let's make a better guess
#287
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Let's hope we learned our lesson
#288
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And just pray for the best
#289
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Reverend, I see that you and the deacon are praying.
#290
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I apologize about any inconvenience and just want to thank you again
#291
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for all the work your parish has done with the police athletic league.
#292
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We're church blacks!
#293
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Church people.
#294
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We're just church people. The fact that we're black is irrelevant.
#295
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- Has nothing to... - Ahem.
#296
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Will you look at this place, Old Man?
#297
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You'll not have to live with that Dee person anymore.
#298
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It's a win-win for everybody in this situation.
#299
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- Carl. - Ruth.
#300
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Where have you been?
#301
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Looking for you.
#302
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Children, did you find him?
#303
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Yes. Yes. Children. We're their kids!
#304
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- Shit. We reunited them. - Holy shit. We did.
#305
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- That was our mission. - We did it!
#306
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Oh, God, yes.
#307
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- What's all the hubbub about over there? - Oh, shit.
#308
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Oh, what?
#309
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That's Scott Bakula from Quantum Leap.
#310
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I thought you said Blacula, like a black vampire.
#311
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Hey. So, we were right?
#312
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Wait a minute, are you here helping somebody?
#313
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- Are you leaping? - Oh, my God.
#314
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The show, I can't get away from it. Look.
#315
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That was just a TV character. I'm an actor.
#316
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- Why do you got a mop? - Researching a role.
#317
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So...
#318
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You didn't get a piece of the show? Your residuals ran out. I'm sorry.
#319
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I've been working constantly for 30 years, okay?
#320
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All right. Okay, yeah.
#321
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Well, anyway, we just reunited a family, and we're gonna leap.
#322
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- We're gonna leap now. - Yeah, right now. Ziggy, now!
#323
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- It's not working. How do you do it? - How'd you do it on the show?
#324
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- Just get out, okay? Get out, everybody. - Wait.
#325
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Fine. Fine, Scott. But listen to me.
#326
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Don't steal our leap.
#327
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Yeah. Don't steal our leap.
#328
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How did they know
#329
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That my wife took it all?
#330
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And I'm not researching roles
#331
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How did they know?
#332
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Ziggy, if you hear me
#333
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Take me far, far from here
#334
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Let me leap to '89
#335
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That was a better year
#336
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I miss my old Camaro
#337
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And my mansion in Van Nuys
#338
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Wish I still hung with Nash Bridges
#339
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Played poker with The Fall Guy
#340
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Oh, Ziggy, can you see my tears?
#341
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Ziggy!
#342
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Leap me far
#343
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Far from here
#344
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Hey, Hollywood.
#345
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Why don't you leap on up to the third floor?
#346
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Somebody shit all over the dining hall.
#347
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Okay, boss.
#348
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Dude, can I admit something to you?
#349
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I feel like that's the nicest the police have ever treated me.
#350
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Well, maybe that's the lesson that we have to learn.
#351
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That if you're an upstanding member of society,
#352
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then the police will treat you with respect.
#353
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Although, I still suspect that we were arrested due to racial profiling.
#354
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I don't think so, dude.
#355
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- No? - I think it's still unclear.
#356
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What are the rules?
#357
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Ugh. Here we go with this.
#358
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What are the rules?
#359
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When your race has changed
#360
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Life can be real strange
#361
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When you're trying to figure out all the rules
#362
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- Hey, guys. - Oh, hey.
#363
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- We're not in a Quantum Leap. - What happened?
#364
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We reunited Old Black-- Old Man with his wife.
#365
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- Nothing happened. - Yeah, we ran into Blacula.
#366
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- Bakula. - Bakula.
#367
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- Scott Bakula, the actor? - I think he's trying to steal our leap.
#368
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- Yeah, he might be. - This doesn't make any sense.
#369
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We're not in a classic body-switching movie, either,
#370
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because we've been learning lessons left and right,
#371
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- and we're still not changing back. - Really? Huh.
#372
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Oh! What are the rules?
#373
⇓
What are the rules?
#374
⇓
What are the rules?
#375
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What are the rules?
#376
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When you've kept your brain
#377
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But the world's insane
#378
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How the hell you gonna find out the rules?
#379
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Guys, maybe we didn't keep our brains after all,
#380
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like the Scarecrow in The Wiz.
#381
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I grabbed Dee's VCR. I'm thinking, maybe, if we get this fixed,
#382
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we can get shocked again while watching The Wiz,
#383
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- And that'll send us back. - My God! Charlie!
#384
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I can't believe I didn't think of this.
#385
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You guys remember that electronics store on Market Street? The Wiz?
#386
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- It's called The Wiz! - Yes!
#387
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Maybe we gotta bring the VCR there. Guys, I think we really are in The Wiz.
#388
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- You called it, man. - I don't know.
#389
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We can't be sure, but right now, it does feel like the path of least resistance.
#390
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- It's the only thing we haven't tried. - Right?
#391
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What are the rules?
#392
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Of being black in America
#393
⇓
What are the rules?
#394
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Of leaping from your body
#395
⇓
What are the rules?
#396
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Who can say the "N" word?
#397
⇓
What are the rules?
#398
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I really wanna say the "N" word
#399
⇓
What are the rules?
#400
⇓
What are the rules?
#401
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Shit, there it is! The Wiz!
#402
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I can't do that dance anymore.
#403
⇓
- That was exhausting. - It's closed!
#404
⇓
- Open up! We need your help! - Open the door.
#405
⇓
Back up. Here he comes.
#406
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What do you want? We're closed.
#407
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- We're here to see the Wiz. - We gotta talk to him.
#408
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There's no Wiz. It's just the name of the store.
#409
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- Oh, yeah? - All right, man.
#410
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Can you just fix this VCR for us, please?
#411
⇓
- Go away. Come back when we're open. - Wait. Just hear us out.
#412
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Excuse me
#413
⇓
My kind brother
#414
⇓
Ooh...
#415
⇓
Ah...
#416
⇓
But can you lend a hand?
#417
⇓
Ooh...
#418
⇓
Ah...
#419
⇓
We really are in trouble
#420
⇓
Ooh...
#421
⇓
Ah...
#422
⇓
We really need a friend
#423
⇓
Ooh, ooh
#424
⇓
Ah...
#425
⇓
We're trapped inside these bodies
#426
⇓
Trapped inside We're trapped inside
#427
⇓
Ooh...
#428
⇓
It's so hard to understand!
#429
⇓
Ooh...
#430
⇓
But if you look inside our souls, sir
#431
⇓
Ah...
#432
⇓
You'll see that we're white men
#433
⇓
Oh, I see. Yes! I see it now.
#434
⇓
Let me fix your VCR.
#435
⇓
Yeah! Oh, great!
#436
⇓
Thank you! Thank you!
#437
⇓
- That's a nice white man. - And the song helped.
#438
⇓
- It worked. - 911? I'd like to report a disturbance.
#439
⇓
He's calling the cops.
#440
⇓
That racist bastard!
#441
⇓
What happened is we intimidated him 'cause we're black.
#442
⇓
- My God. - You know why he's calling the cops?
#443
⇓
Because he thinks we're insane people.
#444
⇓
We were singing and talking about switching bodies.
#445
⇓
- What are the rules? - I'm sick of that one.
#446
⇓
I don't wanna sing that song again.
#447
⇓
That being said, it's difficult to decipher
#448
⇓
when exactly we're being discriminated against.
#449
⇓
Well, look.
#450
⇓
Maybe that's the lesson here
#451
⇓
Things are not always that clear
#452
⇓
- That's definitely true. - They're not.
#453
⇓
We have a lot in common
#454
⇓
But too much of it is fear
#455
⇓
You're right.
#456
⇓
So, here come those police again
#457
⇓
Shit.
#458
⇓
But let me talk 'cause they're my friends
#459
⇓
They like me
#460
⇓
They gave me this train
#461
⇓
He's got a gun!
#462
⇓
- Oh, God! - They shot Charlie!
#463
⇓
Freeze! Get on the ground!
#464
⇓
We just learned our lesson
#465
⇓
Aah, yeah!
#466
⇓
A horrible lesson
#467
⇓
Aah, yeah!
#468
⇓
We just learned our lesson and we wanna go home
#469
⇓
Our home White home
#470
⇓
Just say home We really, really wanna go home
#471
⇓
Let's click our heels together
#472
⇓
Whoa, yeah
#473
⇓
And pray we leave forever
#474
⇓
Oh, yeah
#475
⇓
We just learned our lesson and we wanna go home
#476
⇓
Our home White home
#477
⇓
Just say home! We really, really
#478
⇓
Wanna go home
#479
⇓
Over the rainbow!
#480
⇓
I wanna, wanna, wanna wanna, wanna, wanna go home
#481
⇓
I wanna, wanna, wanna wanna, wanna, wanna go home
#482
⇓
I wanna go home I wanna, wanna, wanna go home
#483
⇓
I wanna go home I wanna, wanna, wanna go home
#484
⇓
Go home! Go home! Go home!
#485
⇓
- Wake up! - Hey, go home!
#486
⇓
- Go home! - Wake up!
#487
⇓
- Go home. - It's morning. You know the routine.
#488
⇓
Go home. Or wherever the hell it is you go during the day.
#489
⇓
I had the craziest dream.
#490
⇓
You were there. You were there.
#491
⇓
- You all were singing. - That's great. We don't give a shit.
#492
⇓
We don't like hearing about people's dreams.
#493
⇓
Yeah, let's go, chop-chop. Come on.
#494
⇓
Does this mean you didn't learn your lesson?
#495
⇓
What is he talking about?
#496
⇓
Learn a lesson from your dream?
#497
⇓
How would that work?
#498
⇓
The only thing we learned is you have terrible taste in movies.
#499
⇓
- Let's go. We'll see you later tonight. - Yeah. We'll see you, pal.
#500
⇓
Hit the road. Do your day thing.
#501
⇓
He wants me to learn a lesson from his dream.
#502
⇓
We got to have peace
#503
⇓
To keep the world alive and war to cease
#504
⇓
Oh, boy.
#505
⇓
What are the rules?
#506
⇓
We got to have joy
#507
⇓
True in our hearts with strength we can't destroy
#508
⇓
People, hear us
#509
⇓
Through our voice the world knows there's no choice
#510
⇓
We're begging save the children
#511
⇓
The little ones who just don't understand
#512
⇓
Give them a chance
#513
⇓
To breed their young and help purify
#514
⇓
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