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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S12E02 — The Gang Goes to a Water Park

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 12, Episode 2 — The Gang Goes to a Water Park

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: The Gang Goes to a Water Park
Air date: January 11, 2017
Director: Matt Shakman
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito
The gang takes a trip to a local waterpark. Dennis takes on a protégé. Frank and Charlie are determined to ride every ride. Mac and Dee get stuck in a tube slide.
Source: TMDB
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Oh, Christ, does every single one of these kids have the flu?
christkidssingle
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You're like, "What's that rascal Charlie up to?
charlierascal
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"What's he up to this time?" Right, right?
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I'm not thinking that at all.
thinking
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Yeah, well, it's an issue of aerodynamics, really.
issue
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And we plan to ride every single ride in there today.
planridesingletoday
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Yeah, the brochure says three days.
brochuredaysthreethree-days
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We're saying bullshit to that.
bullshit
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All right, well, good luck with that 'cause you got, like,
luck
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ten minutes of clean water and then every slide's basically
cleanminutesslideswater
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a urine delivery system.
deliverysystemurine
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- Yeah. - We're not gonna get
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- drenched in piss. - No.
piss
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We're gonna go in there, find our favorite ride,
favoriteride
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bomb down it once,
bomb
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then sit by the pool the rest of the day disease-free.
diseasefreepoolrest
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Don't kid yourself about the water, buddy.
buddywater
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You're not gonna be disease-free. This water's already infested
diseasefreeinfestedwaters
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with every parasite on the planet.
parasiteplanet
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And I, for one, have no intention of stepping foot in any of it.
footintentionstepping
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So what do you come to a water park for?
parkwaterwater-park
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Hot food, cold beer, bikini'd women seeking relief
beercoldcold-beerfoodreliefseekingwomen
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- None of which involve piss. - Hmm.
involvepiss
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And it's all free, too, if you know how to get it.
free
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Not me, I had my bracelet laminated in the '90s.
bracelet
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I haven't paid to get in here since I was 14.
paid
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- Nice! - Nice, nice.
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- Oh, smart. - Oh, shush!
shushsmart
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- Shush, shush, they're about to open! - Why do we have to shush?
openshush
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Oh, guys! I almost forgot.
forgot
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Do not go near the pool drains,
drainsnearpool
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no matter how good you might think they feel on your butt.
buttmattermight
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- What? - Huh? What?
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You do not sit on those!
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No one's thinking about that, man.
onesthinking
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No one's thinking about that at all.
onesthinking
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Oh, good, 'cause it is bad news.
news
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Those things will suck the intestines right out of you.
intestinessuck
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Like it did to that one kid back in '96.
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Now, she had to chew through her intestines
chewintestines
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- just to get free. - When I see the drain,
drainfree
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I'm not gonna go try and sit on it.
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- Oh, here we go. - Okay, here we go! Here we go!
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- We got to go! Get in there! Go! Go! Go! - Christ!
christ
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Kiddie Twister Kiddie Twister
kiddiekiddie-twistertwister
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Here we go, here we go, here we go!
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- Yeah, Kiddie Twister! - I'm so excited.
excitedkiddiekiddie-twistertwister
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- It's been, like, 20 years. - What's that?
years
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It turns light red at the slightest hint of piss.
hintlightpissslightestturns
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- And I think we're good. - Let's roll.
roll
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Hey, guys, guys, guys. Slide's for kids only.
kidsslides
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Size requirement.
size
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Shut up, nerd!
nerd
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Kiddie Twister!
kiddiekiddie-twistertwister
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Screw you, nerd!
nerdscrew
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You're gonna get hurt
hurt
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Uh, come on, nerd.
nerd
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Whoo-hoo! Kiddie Twister!
kiddiekiddie-twistertwisterwhoo
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Kiddie Twister!
kiddiekiddie-twistertwister
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Kiddie Twis... oh, shit!
kiddie
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Kiddie Twister! Wait, Dee, no!
kiddiekiddie-twistertwister
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No, I'm stuck, wait!
stuck
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Ow!
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Shit!
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Ow! Ow, Dee, I'm stuck!
stuck
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Yeah, no shit!
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You're blocking me.
blocking
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Your stupid wrist band got us all jammed up.
bandjammedstupidwrist
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It's not just that.
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Shit, what are we gonna do?
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Uh... Okay. Just remain calm, all right?
calmremainremain-calm
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Okay, but we got to get unstuck before they send another kid
anothersend
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because... Oh, God,
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some big, fat kid's just gonna come blasting down on us.
blastingkids
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You're gonna be fine. Trust me.
trust
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- Shit! - God damn it!
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This is slow, Charlie.
charlieslow
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I'm never gonna get through this crap.
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We should've gone down the first slide we saw.
goneshouldveslide
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I know, I know, but we needed to start at the northmost point
neededpointstart
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of the park, right?
park
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9b959fc9-5f6a-46e3-b95f-07c5ac35a160.gif
- Then we work our way south. - Yeah.
south
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And that cuts back on the excess
cuts
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- running back and forth. - Oh, yeah.
forthrunning
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You know, that said, I'm sorry I got us so lost.
lost
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- I thought north was, like, up. - "Up"?
north
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We got to get going here.
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- I know, God damn it. - Where's he going?
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- Coming through. Excuse us. - What, what?
comingexcuse
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How come he can cut to the front?
front
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Oh, Ethan is here with a special program for children with leukemia,
childrenethanleukemiaprogramspecial
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so he skips to the front of the line.
frontlineskips
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AIDS!
aids
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AIDS, I got AIDS. I got AIDS, we're coming through.
aidscoming
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Yeah, yeah, sorry. Cutting through.
cutting
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I'm his doctor, my patient's got to get to the front of the line
doctorfrontlinepatients
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- because he has AIDS. - I got the AIDS.
aids
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He got it from a gay guy in the '80s.
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- I'm not gay, I didn't... But... - Well...
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f2ee692c-b4fe-4aed-a7a7-455f305431aa.gif
There's two kind of AIDS...
aids
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bdbeac1e-6e1c-42f8-9a71-db58167a8fc7.gif
There's the vagina AIDS, and then the needle-based AIDS.
aidsbasedneedlevagina
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I'm a vagina guy.
vagina
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Well, no, actually my test results show that it was the gay AIDS.
aidsresultstesttest-results
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- All AIDS are bad. - Well...
aids
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No good AIDS. But I'm telling you, like I said,
aidstelling
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this is not the gay AIDS.
aids
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cf8df025-d41c-4c0f-96d8-6b405d5e4bf1.gif
Lie back down.
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One of these little stinkers yours?
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- My son. - This one here?
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Mmm-hmm. Oh, yeah,
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he's adorable.
adorable
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- You? - Oh, daughter, yeah.
daughter
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I try to take her to fun places like this.
funplaces
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Let a little sunshine back into her life ever since her mom...
lifesunshine
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Oh, my God. Did she...
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Die horrifically?
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Yeah.
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Drowning. Kind of ironic, us being at a water park,
drowningironicparkwaterwater-park
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but, you know, you got to...
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You got to roll with the punches, you know?
punchesroll
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Got to get back out there and live life...
lifelive
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Daddy, Daddy, can I borrow $20?
borrowdaddy
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What?
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Oh, hi there, what's your name?
name
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Abby.
abby
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I'm hungry, Daddy.
daddyhungry
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Can I please have $20?
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Well, I think you can get something to eat for a lot less than that, hon.
less
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Dad!
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I'm hungry, I'm starving,
hungrystarving
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and you haven't given me any money.
givenmoney
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Yeah.
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What the hell?
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Anything for my little...
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Abby.
abby
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Interesting.
interesting
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What's interesting?
interesting
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Nothing.
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I'm done with you.
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Keep up.
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Aah! Jesus.
jesus
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You'd think all the pressure would blast us through.
blastpressure
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No, it's just squeezing me further into the stuck!
furthersqueezingstuck
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Okay, well, get the bracelet off.
bracelet
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- Just rip it off. - Dee, I'm trying.
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I can't get any actual leverage on it.
actualleverage
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Besides, it's triple-laminated.
besidestriple
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- It's not just gonna rip. - Oh, no.
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- I think someone peed. - What! Sherman, did you pee?
peedsherman
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- No. - Sherman, my vial
shermanvial
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- is turning light pink. - Ugh...
lightpinkturning
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45a39965-66c2-4725-9098-67927f1c480d.gif
God damn it, Sherman, I ordered you not to pee!
orderedsherman
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- Sorry! - Oh, disgusting!
disgusting
↓
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Sorry's not gonna cut it, Sherman,
sherman
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- it's not gonna cut it. - Nobody else pee!
nobody
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Ah, the sun's just blasting me right in the face.
blastingfacesuns
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Why does it have to be right there?
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Dee, if God put the sun there, there's probably a reason, okay?
reason
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Don't question him. We need God!
question
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f641d532-c3ba-4aae-8d68-34bb41332247.gif
God didn't put the sun anywhere.
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7da848eb-7f2e-49c6-8418-b1d379a39269.gif
The sun stays still. The Earth moves around it.
earthmovesstays
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- Oh, Jesus Christ. - Okay. All right.
christjesusjesus-christ
↓
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We gotta get these kids out of here.
kids
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36bbd9a7-a144-44ec-9130-f53d4c55f81e.gif
All right. I'm going for it. I'm just pulling on one of 'em.
pulling
↓
e23293b2-3bc1-4d86-a06c-32d78d35584b.gif
Come on. Ah, this friggin' dome's like a magnifying glass.
frigginglass
↓
9a900185-1d63-4ee7-8048-17281f5a252b.gif
Get him through, I can get him.
↓
f6146fd6-c70c-4aa6-9535-71b6fddfdf28.gif
- Get help. - Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
↓
cb61a08a-aeff-463c-952b-7fa7b09a292a.gif
Kid, kid, kid, listen. Come here.
↓
ff011591-5443-4d47-9091-9cadb3e2a59b.gif
Before you go,
↓
cf434476-3821-46f6-a8b3-7a44a49de69a.gif
no matter how alluring it is,
matter
↓
ca3a51b1-4b7e-442f-8500-9fa7e55b9091.gif
do not put your genitals or your butthole
buttholegenitals
↓
b57faaec-0704-48aa-b8b5-74e0f871b919.gif
near the pool drain. You got it?
drainnearpool
↓
481dd235-10b2-490e-b83d-0845e3ca5ea8.gif
- In fact, cover your butthole. - Okay, go.
buttholecoverfact
↓
2be4eb29-3e84-4a6e-a235-1ee28fd91046.gif
- Okay, kid. Go, kid, go! - Come on. Go.
↓
65ca5f01-dd24-4f3c-b7fe-d937cb259d49.gif
Cover that butthole, kid!
buttholecover
↓
9707c0bd-b2e0-4c3f-b6fd-9f97df3f12e3.gif
Mac. Stop talking to children about their buttholes, okay?
buttholeschildren
↓
61769d2f-65dc-4842-8db2-d1f296ee1a4e.gif
- It's not appropriate. - Okay.
appropriate
↓
824c5945-b602-4239-b4b2-243ec4c298df.gif
Okay. Uh, I think we gotta get another kid out.
another
↓
12234a73-8973-46bd-bb35-ac063fd871f9.gif
You know what? What about this one?
↓
1222a8f2-e490-4637-bfb8-63c0f0f9f03d.gif
That kid looks passed out, Dee.
passed
↓
78530447-1363-4679-95b4-5355bdd459a7.gif
Yeah, he's out cold, but I think
cold
↓
cde11f0e-a559-47d2-88ca-e55a10232610.gif
I can maneuver his body pretty easily.
bodyeasilymaneuver
↓
3815cd79-958c-4a7f-945b-2b3472c6693f.gif
Yeah, but if we send him down there, he might drown.
drownmightsend
↓
f3f341c1-dad9-4c5a-999b-08c8cdf73766.gif
Guys, I gotta take a poop.
poop
↓
1f1ab98a-2584-445c-b290-be3b13903fd6.gif
I see you stealing. I wasn't stealing them!
stealing
↓
6b6da89b-5c08-4073-97cf-b7acff4c19bf.gif
I just forgot I was wearing them! Let go of me!
forgotwearing
↓
bd2653d7-fb19-4a99-983a-9102fc6b93bf.gif
My dad's a cop!
dads
↓
f9354569-b719-48ed-852b-ba522c62a128.gif
Abigail! What is going on in here?
abigail
↓
9e8fc48a-88bb-4771-a653-970f02cb46de.gif
Where have you been? I've been worried sick about you.
sickworriedworried-sick
↓
c3d3ffa5-d584-4d77-a060-163595ffb5f9.gif
- This your daughter? - Yes.
daughter
↓
7ebe6288-41e1-4654-bac5-31492985bc1c.gif
Officer Dennis Reynolds.
dennisdennis-reynoldsofficerreynolds
↓
097eda6e-d03b-443d-bcd8-46f1eea90ba3.gif
Hi. Off-duty, of course.
courseduty
↓
331cca8c-7241-4ecd-b2b1-e4ce0b45bf94.gif
This is your jurisdiction.
↓
06de6c56-d709-4535-9198-866a837c2915.gif
- Look, I caught her stealing sunglasses. - Yeah?
caughtstealingsunglasses
↓
96dcdecb-5290-4b9b-a890-1a0462ac7718.gif
- No, I didn't! I was just... - Abigail,
abigail
↓
58d4ac41-4b40-499e-9c0d-e87db6c31e28.gif
I gave you $20 to buy whatever you wanted.
wanted
↓
c8fe9479-f577-4d22-b05f-5b10aa75e7f3.gif
What happened to that? Do you still have it?
happened
↓
5bebe988-823c-4735-b17c-c8b429052ae1.gif
Yes.
↓
3819164b-1695-49ca-8af3-85d6ec51a2d9.gif
Well, then you need to pay for these sunglasses.
sunglasses
↓
fdf85b42-d0f1-4bae-a19e-f40d535f422f.gif
Actually, no. You know what? On second thought, no.
second
↓
cec7f35f-6e36-4545-899e-e3bb1dbd42bd.gif
You don't get the sunglasses.
sunglasses
↓
7628f3e9-b676-4b5d-88af-4c63256442fe.gif
- You need to be taught a lesson. - I think that she gets...
lessontaught
↓
303dae03-0129-4581-9fda-8b7e9cfa960c.gif
I really appreciate everything that you do.
appreciate
↓
8a17a62e-7f44-4302-a966-6af193634ee1.gif
Real police officer to security guard,
guardofficerpolicepolice-officerrealsecuritysecurity-guard
↓
7c6db99d-c504-482a-9755-a67f236f7c24.gif
honestly, I want to thank you for everything.
↓
c3c04c0b-14a7-4420-ab9c-423628bee67b.gif
- Thanks. - This little girl,
girlthanks
↓
c7b1aba3-9606-4273-bcbc-dc6b6d52563d.gif
she's gonna be grounded for a month.
groundedmonth
↓
52bc2e0c-45b7-4048-84a0-52bb99e124ee.gif
Come on, Abigail, let's go.
abigail
↓
1f72a08c-6406-44e9-886a-980d7adaf1d5.gif
Try to touch me, and I'll scream "rape."
rapescreamtouch
↓
36da7c68-1903-40d9-be8d-0203f39f1360.gif
Please. I see the road you're headed down. The lying, the stealing, all of it.
headedlyingroadstealing
↓
7b450b0c-2c36-42d9-8c97-bc6778ef6aad.gif
And as somebody who's been down that road,
roadsomebody
↓
14e0a05d-fff2-4500-a8d3-966d63f61931.gif
let me tell you something. You've got real talent.
realtalent
↓
43e68435-e73d-4d91-85cf-81f3564afa67.gif
Okay...
↓
f76afe41-7bc5-42f9-92b1-05082bfafb8c.gif
Mmm.
↓
1768ba93-f747-4ad9-bc4c-67ac7047e239.gif
That ought to work.
ought
↓
484c61db-6112-4390-975d-d0999d8813ce.gif
What are you doing?
↓
7fb414da-508d-404c-8cca-52355fe38702.gif
Oh, it's a simple lunch play.
lunchsimple
↓
ae16673a-c9d1-426c-b212-a3ac6c55777d.gif
I tell the burger stand
burgerstand
↓
56d95efd-c130-46db-8ea5-c8b6ebef0a8b.gif
some hyperactive brat knocked my food on the ground,
bratfoodgroundknocked
↓
3ce901e3-b941-40b3-b624-37dfd8c56911.gif
they replace it, no questions asked.
askedquestionsquestions-askedreplace
↓
0694c8a5-98d4-4b3f-9eaf-d3402b43dc43.gif
I usually just swipe a burger
burgerusually
↓
cbf49619-a534-4e7f-8e6f-45b5074876c8.gif
off some dumb-ass family while they're not looking.
dumbfamilylooking
↓
6f64b878-ecef-43ac-bfc7-0e5dfbe9aac7.gif
Well, that begs the question, Abigail,
abigailbegsquestion
↓
bff5f0cf-bead-4007-8012-1e0cbad3f2e6.gif
you want to be a thief or do you want to be an artist?
artistthief
↓
ffebf219-13c7-472f-acdf-7f5c3ee87776.gif
You see, an artist takes whatever
artisttakes
↓
a0d03f7c-5d27-4a6b-9990-968cfd3047f1.gif
he wants when somebody's looking right at him.
lookingsomebodyswants
↓
862496a9-1089-4c3b-ae57-e0817aa082e9.gif
- These are too small for me. - Yeah.
↓
7c691eca-1f4a-4d60-b76c-c1699c1c9998.gif
- You get the point. - Yeah.
point
↓
36b725f7-8350-4da3-a89b-d8db9dd05555.gif
Here comes the hot stepper Murderer
comesmurderer
↓
066cf550-b343-408c-bc1c-9ae833e0dbcd.gif
I'm the lyrical gangster Murderer
gangstermurderer
↓
3285285a-abe8-4059-8e09-17fd4e620a5f.gif
Big up di crew ina di area Murderer
areacrewmurderer
↓
caffdfcf-047e-487c-83cd-b6959ec7298a.gif
Still love you like that Murderer
lovemurderer
↓
43888e8e-f84e-4706-8bff-d3740531ce76.gif
No, no, we don't die
↓
14378e9b-45ce-4c25-95b9-afea772d08ac.gif
Yes, we multiply
multiply
↓
bcee0b9e-89ca-44f8-84c3-7c69b47d120e.gif
- I got AIDS, AIDS. - AIDS! Guy with AIDS, coming through.
aidscoming
↓
500ab5b8-9b04-42f2-ab33-f22d092f2231.gif
- AIDS, coming through. - AIDS, AIDS...
aidscoming
↓
1b13961a-0b4b-44e3-b769-ba76dbdd2815.gif
Hey, man, go through. Hey, go for it, go, go, go!
↓
3658a339-0df4-4b2a-b304-a1e73e5887fe.gif
No, you need a raft! You need a raft!
raft
↓
368f5eae-f270-4b21-9002-5c4711df8bd9.gif
Touch them up and go, uh-oh
touch
↓
f9f2cb6b-cd50-4fce-907e-3fa3c4369dc3.gif
Ch-Ch-Chang-chang
chang
↓
6b460c0c-4188-4c54-9af6-d4757610b131.gif
Here comes the hot stepper Murderer
comesmurderer
↓
fa51fcd0-103e-422e-b9bd-fbe197d89a4a.gif
I'm the lyrical gangster...
gangster
↓
2431d91e-9477-4d07-8610-718b2131925e.gif
Excuse me, Mr. Officer Murderer
excusemurdererofficer
↓
f432640a-559b-4258-be84-d5e30ccc1189.gif
Still love you like that Murderer
lovemurderer
↓
9010da47-6bad-4ec0-b4c4-d65e8c9a10da.gif
Go.
↓
8e9479de-0d6e-4b4f-ab1c-f4736520eaae.gif
Go.
↓
c6685338-4c71-44a6-8d2b-5c63896ce4cd.gif
- My camera! - Oh, great, your camera.
camera
↓
1c555587-1296-4f32-ab8b-2411880f1dc3.gif
I was really worried about that.
worried
↓
cd9b2cc1-3f1f-4585-9914-a9c80ec194bf.gif
This is my watch.
watch
↓
4de96814-a74d-421f-8268-0492d9940b73.gif
Cut to fade is me fade to cut is she
fade
↓
385093d8-3799-49b9-88a3-f0220a061ca4.gif
Come juggle with me I say every time
↓
c120be23-78b6-4717-96f6-aa15a884c559.gif
Here comes the hot stepper Murderer...
comesmurderer
↓
09197277-1d66-405f-9a44-8a7ffe10e0e2.gif
Go.
↓
8d6801b8-8a1c-4b46-9d4e-4c4c85a56836.gif
Go.
↓
0c73e532-05cd-4189-878a-e8ed26694a87.gif
- My sunglasses. - Oh, all of our chains!
chainssunglasses
↓
5b35fe5b-c0bb-4790-adbc-24eb4ac99a8f.gif
You know how hard it is to get all of our chains.
chainshard
↓
3395ca5c-c2e9-4434-a5f3-752e8e9f59a2.gif
- AIDS... - AIDS.
aids
↓
fa077623-dd18-493e-befa-04116aeccc29.gif
Na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na
↓
1227a4da-34e6-4c2c-896c-5048e366f467.gif
Na-na-na-na
↓
06c9c21b-a846-4278-a451-e40c30ab7398.gif
Ow!
↓
46e0b46c-b6d4-41ea-ad44-6271b9c34a01.gif
Stop sending kids, nerd!
kidsnerdsending
↓
e78ee934-9a27-4aeb-b36b-218beedfb90f.gif
- You goddamn nerd! - Go.
goddamnnerd
↓
ffc5619d-7504-419a-bcf8-e5b163cefaff.gif
- We're making good time. - We're doin' it, Charlie.
charliedoin
↓
964c45e7-1e1a-44c1-af7f-c31aca3b2ad8.gif
- We're pretty much caught up. - Whoa, hey, hey, guys!
caughtwhoa
↓
5c25172f-f37d-4198-92ba-89d5b3c04e3e.gif
What are you guys doing? You guys doing a AIDS thing?
aids
↓
1b399f8c-c7f1-49b2-9d31-f5e0be4d246e.gif
- Oh, yeah! - Yeah.
↓
f5feffc1-ad46-4950-9fb7-0676307bd60d.gif
I gave Frank a couple hickeys
couplefrank
↓
d9c4b636-0b6e-4ba9-942a-f257fe75cdea.gif
- to sell the lesions. - Sucked on 'em.
lesionssellsucked
↓
d227babd-38f9-44be-b78b-b2d17bfeb676.gif
Yeah, yeah.
↓
61bf0a26-f44b-4084-817a-56391c590625.gif
You doing a fake daughter thing?
daughterfake
↓
c731cced-722c-4bb7-9d32-69681faa1277.gif
- Yeah. - Cool. All right, man, see ya.
cool
↓
bbc53338-24be-41cc-85ff-df8a0d7e8922.gif
See ya.
↓
5d6c90a6-7f2f-4af6-9b3a-7854b86f474c.gif
I'm the lyrical gangster Murderer
gangstermurderer
↓
ea831800-a11d-459c-bfb8-bb2bc313a6ef.gif
Excuse me, Mr. Officer Murderer
excusemurdererofficer
↓
ed8f89f4-3b05-4cf2-947c-a8fb278d8918.gif
Still love you like that Murderer
lovemurderer
↓
aff4078f-eabd-4e5d-85e7-c1c230ab12df.gif
Act like you know, G go
↓
c08399fa-9eb4-4a37-ace1-933351fdf871.gif
I know what Bo don't know
↓
2331b603-bde1-40a4-b9e4-f0a8b19880f9.gif
Touch them up and go, uh-oh
touch
↓
de95bf1c-69e0-4dfd-9cac-7dccacc5516f.gif
Three, two, one, go!
three
↓
7e5c7b01-d6a2-4f67-abd1-b73ba5394b0d.gif
I got AIDS!
aids
↓
e297c6e4-2ddc-4d21-8089-cedb7ee5acc6.gif
Yeah!
↓
d4508aa1-4a24-4412-b0b5-72447b0ba212.gif
- Frank, we did it, man! - Charlie!
charliefrank
↓
ac6c097d-f897-49d7-a6f5-22798dda97d7.gif
- With time to spare! - Charlie! We...
charliespare
↓
d0ad1563-68f6-44eb-8624-948a38fcbfd6.gif
- Every single ride in here! - We won!
ridesingle
↓
47a8c3c9-f810-4a88-9af3-a18e7ccda70c.gif
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey! - Hey! Suck on that, river rat!
riversuck
↓
14509fec-5698-453c-8d5e-04bf7aa61ce0.gif
Every ride!
ride
↓
57b93f90-537e-4ed1-9718-b5e7f843fc6f.gif
- We did it. - Oh, shit.
↓
cce8f9c1-b9bf-4314-8724-d8757ef8b70e.gif
Frank. Look at this!
frank
↓
3d820441-c31f-41a9-a801-18f101cb5d55.gif
- Oh. - Oh...
↓
e17ee5ed-eb96-4d25-9c26-457b827d797b.gif
What... What is that?
↓
53c8176b-6d4e-4b76-9864-347cb74e2434.gif
I don't know.
↓
907a7e6c-b300-4452-9d55-2c5735825859.gif
I mean, that's not on the map... What ride is that?
ride
↓
911d4a42-e50d-4634-896f-e770e49c9bb6.gif
- Excuse me? Excuse me, ma'am? - Yeah?
excusemaam
↓
7977273f-0804-415d-a4d0-e1693181460b.gif
What is this ride over here?
ride
↓
78939888-4b87-4a0f-837f-5555311f87c9.gif
Oh, that's our new slide. It's, uh, Thunder Gun Express.
expressslidethunder
↓
d3643edd-b0ec-47f3-a01f-7599d53bd946.gif
We just finished construction.
constructionfinished
↓
3bb6f96f-2168-43f1-883b-4396fe3eb746.gif
It'll be open in a few weeks.
itllopenweeks
↓
b83e195e-5bf8-4727-be47-e145b8e843fc.gif
- A Thunder Gun ride? - Yeah.
ridethunder
↓
e1d3994a-e217-46e0-ae15-1b4d1c193380.gif
Like the movie?
movie
↓
081a7a53-207e-4435-a4b2-8ef26e1660d5.gif
Yeah, but there's no water or anything yet,
water
↓
dc5ee1e3-863d-4600-b6c5-bd265321f0b7.gif
- so we still have to test it. - Oh, yeah.
test
↓
c878d768-d5eb-431c-ab63-e9b11dcd9b6e.gif
It's totally dry.
↓
dc058320-54c5-4ec6-a0e1-a7ad7439be41.gif
- Okay, yeah, yeah. - It's not...
↓
b3245445-f4ee-4673-a192-c4c99c83e9ab.gif
No, but it's not, it's not open yet.
open
↓
a9e9c168-9de0-4c06-ada6-72c7e8b512f4.gif
It's Thunder Gun, man. No hesitation.
hesitationthunder
↓
9df2866a-c644-4c2f-9339-211423a2619f.gif
- No, no, no. - No surrender. No man left behind.
behindleftleft-behindsurrender
↓
8f9a7474-6d7b-45c7-b7cc-e1b03d476ff1.gif
We got to get to the top of that slide.
slide
↓
37a558d3-9a4d-452c-8290-c3b80ae10677.gif
And raw-dog the shit out of it!
↓
bd59f400-7449-46e5-b5af-0afd21c0af82.gif
- Mac? - Yeah?
↓
2bf53b1d-14ce-4fb5-97af-51ac6707a8cb.gif
My vial is blood red.
bloodvial
↓
51bd112e-5145-409d-83a3-dab0cc9f9293.gif
That's because the water's not even running through anymore.
anymorerunningwaters
↓
c47f17cf-971b-4fbe-9c64-d96a3937bbe4.gif
It's just pooling up.
↓
f1adfc51-205f-4701-859c-361920ab2a3a.gif
Well, I got to tell you something, though, I...
↓
02a1a288-0309-4102-9d6c-5cf26ebcbf2e.gif
I don't know if I'm gonna be able to hold it much longer.
ablelonger
↓
815565c9-0893-4114-bc42-f98acf79e86a.gif
- What? - I've been in here for so long.
↓
53e90014-baf2-4794-a28f-b7b6e035042f.gif
Don't you do it, Dee! Don't you do it!
↓
e53764e9-3a66-4fce-b394-e7c9bc9367c1.gif
The problem is it's already happening. I'm peeing on your shoulder right now.
peeingproblemshoulder
↓
6c3661db-197d-4c0a-9aee-13a307e46753.gif
But I don't mean to, I'm sorry.
↓
e1991a6f-48f5-4897-9c92-0b4630f3d951.gif
- It's warm. - You bitch!
bitchwarm
↓
8561d5a5-64b3-4937-99ae-723fd8bb5198.gif
When we get out of here, I'm gonna kill you!
kill
↓
73b30c8f-ac9d-4cc1-ae2a-1ff0425c9094.gif
What am I supposed to do? How are you even holding your pee?
holdingsupposed
↓
f1371a03-7fff-49d2-9bcb-ef0a44f788b0.gif
We've been stuck in here forever!
foreverstuck
↓
1660160b-9a39-4dda-8942-3e70cc223bfe.gif
Oh, I peed as soon as we got in the slide.
peedslide
↓
03980467-a10f-44ff-8217-1b6c43a0c724.gif
Me, too. What?
↓
c5d1e7fa-01f4-4b1c-883e-28924f9b418f.gif
- Ew! - What?
↓
e0412802-3832-4486-bc17-d9f490bff65f.gif
- These animals are, they're laughing! - Of course they are!
animalscourselaughing
↓
8823aa67-baf7-4877-a43f-70e145ac81d6.gif
I think they're actually enjoying this shit!
enjoying
↓
60a03a82-0c5d-4ebf-a519-0ea854551beb.gif
Oh, they love every second of it!
lovesecond
↓
4546980f-aab1-4559-a6e1-364b5e897f4d.gif
- They're just pissing all over us! - God damn it.
pissing
↓
0b9804be-6ff4-4113-bf54-0033018da154.gif
We're gonna die in here with them!
↓
6865d94a-1618-4e76-9726-33109bc6e8fc.gif
Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second, Dee.
second
↓
33a13b74-d18c-44e4-a093-15effebaa07e.gif
- I've got an idea! - What?
idea
↓
3f4a27aa-9f20-4801-8c25-7f3e94a37a8e.gif
If we can get Sherman's mouth
mouth
↓
d91dd434-a010-4f7d-bf1d-5a7a815096a4.gif
to this bracelet, we can get out of here.
bracelet
↓
0c14b41d-5007-4990-b901-bfe38d13f8d8.gif
- You said you couldn't rip through it. - No, I can't.
↓
7e81297f-ce0b-4f7c-a810-4fda6e163b2b.gif
But Sherman can chew through it!
chewsherman
↓
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Like the girl in the pool drain
draingirlpool
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d111c186-d93c-497e-9a07-f4262572adef.gif
when she got her anus stuck, she chewed through
anuschewedstuck
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her prolapsed anus and chewed herself to freedom.
anuschewedfreedom
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- What are you talking about? - Sherman!
sherman
↓
4996b509-ad78-4880-9810-def948137896.gif
Get your mouth to this bracelet and chew!
braceletchewmouth
↓
6c22ede9-1a17-4e90-bc87-00b489919f1c.gif
Aw, screw it. Try it.
screw
↓
cfcd15ab-e720-40d9-ab1f-e6140937a94b.gif
Chew like you've never chewed before.
chewchewed
↓
202ef9d7-7f1f-4f7e-aa02-52676ad43386.gif
Go, Sherman, chew!
chewsherman
↓
91e44811-bfee-4eff-bdc4-010eb3fb1bb3.gif
Whoa!
whoa
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93f4982c-ed1e-4fb7-b461-7ddb9e1dde91.gif
Whoa! Hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing?
whoa
↓
5b640b5d-09c2-4d25-adef-1c440b505f6d.gif
I got some boy to give me this.
↓
0336f0cc-a268-4bf6-a3f7-4b3282de3b61.gif
I said I'd kiss him if he met me in the parking lot.
kissparking
↓
d032894a-e607-4391-9f62-b4522136239f.gif
Then I swiped his wristband, so he can't get back in.
swiped
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af32af48-2191-409e-80e2-d28cd4cd8b29.gif
Nice.
↓
4a5dc790-2272-410a-98b8-a5664bd639dd.gif
Thanks. Well, I got to roll.
rollthanks
↓
c089f0a4-dc71-4d9e-ab98-19c218017472.gif
What do you mean? Where you going? We're just getting started.
started
↓
8297b599-a0ea-4a64-b351-19c733575185.gif
Yeah, but my mom said it's time to leave.
↓
185c9093-96c1-439f-a7fa-566f1c14bab8.gif
Wow.
↓
9d3ce497-c887-4fc1-bbca-7e5a5120e0bc.gif
That's a disappointing glimpse into your future.
disappointingfutureglimpse
↓
e3782e92-efb7-4e1f-a605-4b55e43e1342.gif
Now, why don't you tell your mom
↓
8eb08ff1-4729-401a-904d-5c994a1662e4.gif
you want to stick around for a little while?
stick
↓
0e3d33c4-2423-45ce-9152-79d127a71aae.gif
That won't work. She never listens to me.
listens
↓
d82f49d0-be10-46de-b3b8-c889f39fd074.gif
Oh, now, see, no. That bothers me.
bothers
↓
682a46d2-3940-4eff-b391-39382731e7a2.gif
A genius whose fate is controlled by an idiot?
controlledfategeniusidiot
↓
4411b9f7-1324-401c-94a9-d0a2cdaf44eb.gif
You think I'm a genius?
genius
↓
1b0b5d2f-c01c-4f49-bc18-625c2f3d6a7a.gif
Yes! Yes, I think you're a genius. Are you kidding me?
geniuskidding
↓
e40f9534-2c51-48b1-8e82-3f5997e25a34.gif
When I was your age, I couldn't have accomplished
accomplished
↓
81abde83-33b5-4850-826c-20422439ef01.gif
half the things you did today.
halftoday
↓
9faeb6e0-a58e-405d-a183-08e5c34dd1c8.gif
See, this is why the Chinese are destroying us.
chinesedestroying
↓
811beaaa-6296-47d3-a0d8-bb2c9388a9b8.gif
If you were born in China,
bornchina
↓
1f85e9cd-efca-49a4-b47f-6e0ae0ab9487.gif
you'd be the head of some factory by now.
factoryhead
↓
221dafb5-7ab5-4a0e-bf1d-f1c2b7845b56.gif
Or they would've thrown you in a river,
riverthrownwouldve
↓
111deea9-56ad-46ae-aa67-55c1545c2f80.gif
'cause you weren't a boy.
↓
ea4412a9-b19a-4f78-ad37-01f0e16d20d8.gif
All right, it's not a great analogy, but you get my point.
point
↓
5564d855-0a10-45ec-84ed-096e4359c843.gif
Abby...
abby
↓
ef2cf40f-03dd-4679-93e8-6d088c2f1e84.gif
You deserve better.
deserve
↓
741985f5-3ce4-4327-b40a-14a025468077.gif
Here, I... I want you to have it.
↓
51246b57-2bbc-4368-87b3-daa5bf70509a.gif
No, what do you mean? You earned that.
earned
↓
6d0a7c98-b507-4b9c-b8cf-cf0bae2605c0.gif
No, please, take it.
↓
86b3a6de-9eb9-4a5c-9350-69ba220e4395.gif
So you never forget me.
forget
↓
e3fdeab6-4d5e-4952-9f21-c5fdb44d74d8.gif
Thanks, Dennis.
dennisthanks
↓
cc4edfa8-ffab-4c8b-8ad3-12ed08418cb2.gif
For being the first adult to actually give a shit about me.
adult
↓
94b11721-b960-4c17-8513-da1b22412dea.gif
You!
↓
85186a80-7a8d-4dc9-9e6c-e715375f4326.gif
Yes?
↓
701d1e1e-91fd-4ed7-a28a-a4cdf1c6b238.gif
We need to have a conversation.
conversation
↓
5754e2e3-4b97-4a77-8345-ffd1545729df.gif
Your daughter is a special kid. A gifted child who should be treasured.
childdaughtergiftedspecial
↓
0088a7c6-b246-4f9e-9bc3-132549b19ea7.gif
If she were born in China, she...
bornchina
↓
f99c5455-cf21-4681-ac6e-6e20fa70147a.gif
Wait, I already did that. Didn't work.
↓
4d610e1e-3645-42d1-b446-674a6a05b762.gif
If she were born in...
born
↓
e06496bf-5d79-486e-99e7-de2c2c4c0966.gif
What country treasures their women?
countrywomen
↓
48bc37b3-b53b-4eae-a227-0586ddc53e6f.gif
- What are you talking about? - What am I talking about?
↓
51894e08-e0d0-46d8-97ba-339e9c419d8d.gif
Mom, can I have a slushy?
↓
756f91d6-8ef9-42c2-94cb-abdff7b6da3e.gif
Yes, in just a minute.
minute
↓
23e8c8d4-121f-49a0-a604-ae5f2aa0fc33.gif
Is that Abby's brother?
brother
↓
1d336273-6882-4c6c-9656-de79a8fb8fb6.gif
I don't have a daughter.
daughter
↓
dd7718a7-f11c-4688-ad53-144ea0e4a05f.gif
Yes, you do. The girl that was just...
girl
↓
f650dda3-dd93-4035-8645-56ff392a7cdb.gif
Please take it.
↓
2728b352-e558-4284-ad5b-a079c61fa1aa.gif
So you never forget me.
forget
↓
8c1f52fb-3350-4d2b-b151-b7de9f694958.gif
See, an artist takes whatever he wants
artisttakeswants
↓
160cf526-92e6-41dc-a74e-c4c730c1d145.gif
when somebody's looking right at him.
lookingsomebodys
↓
6a7c02c7-c3b2-420b-b743-2c5e7f9b7aec.gif
What is wrong with you? Why are you...
↓
cacf390b-19ea-4ef6-bc99-4c2058ecde32.gif
Huh.
↓
b3e5f0b0-79f9-4db5-80e6-07341d210406.gif
How would you even describe something like that?
describe
↓
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It's so beautiful.
↓
7ac543a5-f662-4275-99cd-e628a7993f2b.gif
They should've sent a poet.
poetsentshouldve
↓
91d547bc-20a6-45d9-866a-35ae4f5cbda7.gif
- All right, let's go, let's go. - Okay.
↓
02a9b079-ba5a-4172-b666-fe9fa38e7218.gif
- All right, all right. Here we go. - Okay.
↓
d6b06cb1-e3b1-4718-9400-f2b5d3d1bbd9.gif
Oh, oh.
↓
27457407-3603-41a7-b073-abc7d2ef9120.gif
All right.
↓
5df8b5c5-1b2d-402e-b059-9e33dc782950.gif
- This should be good, right? - Oh, that's great.
↓
5b0d32af-f988-4822-85e9-33162539fb54.gif
- That'll do it. - Oh!
thatll
↓
a17e8e2c-7b36-4e24-b60e-ca16a4ebe9d2.gif
Who's going first?
↓
ec143c4b-e4a0-4929-9e36-0dd1c2494ef3.gif
Well, it should be you, right? I mean, you pulled off the AIDS thing.
aidspulled
↓
9dd950da-f6b6-424f-9c03-92ad04fad4c2.gif
Oh, Charlie! Charlie! All right!
charliecharlie-charlie
↓
f4f15bab-6149-48b0-aed6-03a179390d62.gif
Let's go before we get caught. Let's go before we get busted.
bustedcaught
↓
247acacc-edf4-4cc9-ab8f-a7536d0215fb.gif
- All right, here we go. Ready, Frankie! - All right.
frankieready
↓
5dd9f28e-53d8-4c2d-8b03-23300f2b9559.gif
- I won't let you down! - All right!
↓
d628fabd-9257-4f4a-a8f5-6115dc452d74.gif
- I like the spirit here. - Oh!
spirit
↓
ed1151ad-d3c4-43ff-8d40-5c87d2b37337.gif
Oh, it burns! It burns! It burns!
burns
↓
1b4f107c-15c0-491d-9da7-685f21f4dd3c.gif
Aah!
↓
ee81ac58-062a-45cb-9fd3-3ec0fe7431a9.gif
My back!
↓
378b7db3-f888-406e-847c-f5d6f6b2fea5.gif
That guy has AIDS!
aids
↓
7f954f07-8c92-4c3d-b58a-538ff66fe657.gif
Aah! Aah, my back!
↓
314a69e6-41c2-4388-baa5-db50896296c1.gif
AIDS! Everybody out.
aidseverybody
↓
27e83c02-3a5a-4bb8-bd8b-dde9aae19566.gif
Aah! Aah!
↓
e524bc6f-e942-4231-9cc1-940c08948b40.gif
- We're free! - Oh, my God!
free
↓
b01ea814-adf8-45af-b439-996878e933ca.gif
- Ah, we're free! - We're free!
free
↓
bb26370a-74a8-4610-8646-564f038eebd0.gif
Is that blood?
blood
↓
c2b68356-d0cd-437e-8871-8b93db31766d.gif
There's AIDS blood in the pool!
aidsbloodpool
↓
bf611650-e0a7-41c5-a621-689216ffa87f.gif
That's goddamn AIDS blood!
aidsbloodgoddamn
↓
2355c879-1c42-45cf-8d4e-9d726ead30bf.gif
Has anyone seen my son?
seen
↓
9fad56b6-5859-46f9-bf5c-0f08f4ffedd4.gif
God damn it!
↓
ebde96db-2514-4243-8ae0-9526459d053f.gif
I hate this goddamn water park!
goddamnhateparkwaterwater-park