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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S12E03 — Old Lady House: A Situation Comedy

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 12, Episode 3 — Old Lady House: A Situation Comedy

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: Old Lady House: A Situation Comedy
Air date: January 18, 2017
Director: Maurice Marable
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito
Charlie thinks Mac's mom is holding his mom hostage so the gang installs spy cameras in their house. They discover the moms are quite entertaining once Dennis makes edits to the footage.
Source: TMDB
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No, your mom is the monster, all right?
monster
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- My mom is the sweet one. - Oh, the sweet one?
sweet
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but we're not having an argument about who's sweeter.
argumenthavingsweeter
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All right, look, my mom's been calling me, like, all the time, okay?
callingmoms
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She's clearly upset.
upset
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My mom has a great relationship with me.
relationship
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- She never calls you! - She calls me all the time!
calls
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- Yes, she does! - I have proof.
proof
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Look at this. I got this in the mail.
mail
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Is that, like, a ransom note for Mac's mom?
macsnoteransom
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Huh? No. This... My mom sent this.
sent
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Why would your mom write a ransom note to herself?
noteransomwrite
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It's not a ransom note. This is just how she writes notes to me.
notenotesransomwrites
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That's like a bunch of gibberish, Charlie.
bunchcharliegibberish
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I don't know... Is that a hieroglyph of a dog?
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She feels trapped inside her own home.
feelshometrapped
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Okay, guys, I think I have a pretty simple solution here.
simplesolution
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my surveillance system's just lying around in storage.
lyingstoragesurveillancesystems
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I got about a baker's dozen of cameras. They're just sitting there.
camerasdozensitting
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I say we set them up in your mom's home,
homemoms
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and find out what's really going on in there.
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- That could work. I mean, yeah. - Great idea.
idea
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- You don't think that's creepy? - What?
creepy
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- He's talking about spying on your moms. - So what?
momsspying
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Uh, they're not women. They're old.
women
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At a certain point, a woman goes from being a woman
certaincertain-pointpointwoman
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to just being an old person.
person
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- True. - What happens to a man?
happens
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A man lives and then dies. Why are we having this argument?
argumentdieshavinglives
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- A man remains a man. - Dennis, it's a great idea.
dennisidearemains
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And no one's gonna get hurt.
hurtones
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It's not like they're gonna get exploited in any way, right?
exploited
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No, no, no, exactly.
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I think once we have a look at what's going on in there,
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Oh, it's so nice of you
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No, no, no, Mom. We aren't gonna touch the gifts.
giftstouch
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We don't touch them. We just look at them.
touch
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And they look back at you, and they... Hands off.
hands
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Mom, make sure you don't water this plant.
plantwater
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She has a very nurturing nature. She'd...
naturenurturingshed
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Mrs. Mac, are you gonna water the plants?
plantswater
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- I'm so glad to see you. - Yeah.
glad
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- I was worried that you were dead. - Okay. Why?
deadworried
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Oh, my mom also thought I was dead,
dead
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and she also loves me very much.
loves
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No, I don't.
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Oh, she meant the first part. She meant the first part where I...
meantpart
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Because she can't imagine a life without me, right, Mom?
imaginelife
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I don't give a shit.
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I'll put you out of the misery of this conversation. Mom?
conversationmisery
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Anything that's bothering you? Anything you wanna talk about?
bothering
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that you wanna talk about that's bothering you...
bothering
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You're asking her the exact same question I just asked.
askedaskingexactquestion
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Do you own all of the questions? Do you own that question?
questionquestions
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You're gonna steal my question?
questionsteal
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Mom, what happened?
happened
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She poured hot soup on me!
pouredsoup
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- She poured hot soup on her. - She was adjusting her--
pouredsoup
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- What... - Wait a second.
second
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We could also get some soup.
soup
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No, the video. We can go back and watch the video and see...
videowatch
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- what actually happened. - We can watch and see... Yes.
happenedwatch
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Gentleman, welcome to your moms.
gentlemanmomswelcome
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Wow, man. This is a serious setup.
serioussetup
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All right, there was an incident with some soup.
incidentsoup
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And, uh, did you get anything?
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'Cause I'd like to see if his mom poured on my Ma on purpose.
pouredpurpose
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She definitely did pour it, and she definitely did it on purpose.
pourpurpose
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- There you go. She's abusing my mom. - It's clear as day.
abusingclear
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But what's really interesting
interesting
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is what seems to be happening right here in the live feed.
feedliveseems
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Oh. You want to sleep.
sleep
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Well, I'll sleep you.
sleep
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Huh.
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What the hell, man?
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- That's your mom abusing my mom! - No, it's not!
abusing
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- That's just one of those things... - What thing?
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Where you're just like, it's like, a "Why, I oughta," but it's no big deal.
dealoughta
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- Why, I oughta what? - Why, I oughta bludgeon you with a hammer.
hammeroughta
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But she's not actually gonna do it.
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It's like how Ralph Kramden on The Honeymooners
ralph
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would always say, "Why, I oughta." He was threatening to beat his wife.
beatoughtathreateningwife
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- Oh, yeah. - Yeah. You know? I mean, it's funny,
funny
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- 'cause he's not actually gonna do it... - That was funny, yeah.
funny
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even though the threat is always there. He might...
mightthreat
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He might cave her face in, but he won't.
cavefacemight
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Yeah, but he's not gonna, you know?
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That's funny. But in this circumstance, it's not funny, because it's my mom!
circumstancefunny
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Right. Wait, actually, you know what?
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We don't really know for sure whether it's funny or not.
funnywhether
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Let me try something here.
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You want to sleep.
sleep
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Well, I'll sleep you.
sleep
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Hmm. Well, what is that?
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Well, you made me think of, like, sitcoms, The Honeymooners.
sitcoms
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I just thought, "This isn't very funny.
funny
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"But if I add a laugh track, maybe, I don't know."
laughtrack
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But it's not a show. This is their lives.
lives
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- But it does kinda lighten it up for me. - It did lighten it. I'm not saying...
kindalighten
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Can you play it again without the laugh track?
laughtrack
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Yeah, sure.
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Well, I'll sleep you.
sleep
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- That goes right back to super dark. - It's a bummer without it.
bummerdarksuper
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It's not funny. Yeah, no. Let me just try it again with the, uh...
funny
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You want to sleep.
sleep
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Well, I'll sleep you.
sleep
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- That's funny! - I mean, yeah.
funny
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It's weird, because the situation really isn't funny.
funnysituationweird
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- And you add a laugh track... - But the laughing tells me it's funny.
funnylaughlaughingtellstrack
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- They have timing, man, for sure. - That's great.
timing
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I don't understand. Is this a dark situation or a comical one?
darksituation
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We don't really know yet, Mac. But I tell you what,
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why don't we stick around back here for a little while.
stick
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Let's watch how this whole thing plays out.
playswatchwhole
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I'll keep sweetening the situation as it calls for it,
callssituation
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and you might as well stick around.
mightstick
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Did you just ash in my tapioca?
tapioca
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Mm-hmm.
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- All right, yeah. I like that. - This is gold.
gold
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- They got something, man. - It's really working.
working
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I don't know what this is, but...
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- What's this? - Oh, check it out.
check
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Mrs. Mac and Mrs. Kelly have a classic comedic rivalry.
classiccomedickellyrivalry
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They're going at it like the greats. Like Abbott and Costello, Tom and Jerry.
jerry
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- It's amazing. - Huh.
amazing
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Oh, sorry. Fly.
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Buzz off!
buzz
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If you guys are looking for a comedy troupe
comedylooking
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that beats the shit out of each other for laughs,
beatslaughs
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there's nobody better than the Three Stooges.
nobodythree
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Put me on the show.
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What show? It's not a show.
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We're just watching our moms to figure out what the situation is.
figuremomssituationwatching
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It could be a show, but you're right. It's not a show.
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It certainly looks like you're trying to make a show.
certainly
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I think it's a good idea, and I think you should put me in.
idea
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- Why? - Yeah.
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'Cause I'm so much funnier than these two.
funnier
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Look at them, they're just smashing each other with stuff.
smashingstuff
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I could add a whole physical comedy element, you know?
comedyelementphysicalwhole
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Hey, I smell chips. What are we watching?
chipssmellwatching
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We're not really watching anything yet, until Big Funny shows up. You'll see.
funnyshowswatching
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Ooh.
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Mrs. Kelly looks hot on screen.
kellyscreen
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Come on, knock that off.
knock
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There's something about people on TV. Catch me up. What did I miss?
catchmiss
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Well, the grunty one physically abuses the shrill one.
physicallyshrill
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And the shrill one psychologically abuses the grunty one.
shrill
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And it really plays. It's really funny.
funnyplays
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You know what, actually, I'm gonna try something here, guys.
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You are a horrible woman.
horriblehorrible-womanwoman
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And I can't wait until those cigarettes kill you.
cigaretteskill
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And I shall dance on your grave.
dancegrave
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Yeah.
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This is so great!
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And having those other people laugh tells me when I should laugh.
havinglaughtells
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- Good. - Yeah.
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I love that.
love
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And the music that I added makes you know that it's light.
addedlightmakesmusic
↓
889c81b3-d256-4969-b951-ae8ef28877c6.gif
It's also helping me realize that I think the situation's okay over there.
helpingrealizesituations
↓
18027a3d-976f-41ba-bfd8-00dac44eae12.gif
Honestly, I'm gonna ignore my mom's note, like I ignore her phone calls.
callsignoremomsnotephonephone-calls
↓
db4b359e-fc5f-4bce-854e-0d3393f78c9d.gif
- I think we're good here. - They have chemistry.
chemistry
↓
a5f7426c-9bbc-44fc-a49e-7f462a6547b6.gif
And I really love how playful and fun my mom's coming off.
comingfunlovemomsplayful
↓
76ab7e43-515d-4285-9ac5-8eda3f40ba3a.gif
- Well. - Uh, no.
↓
0664b33b-9f2b-454f-9222-7e04ae0da261.gif
- Yeah, no, no. - Never. No, no.
↓
ef5b4b0c-05a4-4156-b500-9082b36cf13b.gif
I actually find your mom very off-putting.
putting
↓
b3d68cb6-ef72-49c8-95e5-ef2bef213f4e.gif
- Yeah. - She's hard on the eyes.
eyeshard
↓
34fbc03a-ae6a-46e1-a710-2b56f1d384df.gif
- Tough on the eyes. - And you know what else?
eyestough
↓
f6a772ee-0b15-4775-a5ae-40eb1cc6957a.gif
- Super one-note. - Yeah.
notesuper
↓
a3a167c8-6d3f-4a4e-8a6c-4c0c58aadfa4.gif
No! No, no, no, no.
↓
63012908-5634-4f8d-8084-add8c3bf3359.gif
My mom's got lots of notes. She's a symphony.
lotsmomsnotessymphony
↓
acf53d80-45e1-49cd-92c0-63750b6de200.gif
She's getting so many laughs.
laughs
↓
622bee73-70d8-4b0d-9cb1-fc142df4a0aa.gif
- She's pushing... - I'm concerned about longevity.
concernedpushing
↓
237cd6c2-ec04-42cf-8585-81221b462e80.gif
She's getting laughs from us now, sure,
laughs
↓
347e2479-cacc-497f-866c-e7ea386d6471.gif
but I think that we're gonna have a problem in the long run.
problem
↓
cd5d6287-ba1b-4703-a956-36953afa8913.gif
You just don't understand the nuance of her performance.
performance
↓
7a7792a7-8a22-4ec2-872d-c95e5aabdf10.gif
- I don't. - Cut to a close-up.
close
↓
ffc4f74b-cf32-432a-9b1f-b66a6abff1cb.gif
We need more close-ups.
close
↓
366ff305-3c74-4b38-9e63-4bead66d332a.gif
Mm.
↓
cb94b069-1953-4c9f-b311-2e76153c2ae9.gif
And she's constantly looking directly into the camera somehow.
cameraconstantlydirectlylooking
↓
796ed67b-e50e-498c-9b8a-7646890816ec.gif
- She's repulsive. - She is repulsive.
repulsive
↓
21d74de7-dccf-43fa-85cf-5f44fbe57e30.gif
You know what? I'm gonna go over there and I'm gonna show you.
↓
405c6f65-43f3-4bba-8c01-8651df4e6819.gif
She can pop, okay?
↓
f12d93f3-5183-4c91-99bf-3776824d67df.gif
She's gonna pop. You'll see.
↓
a75f68db-262b-4a63-acc8-e51c79f66cef.gif
Uh-oh.
↓
61871e78-35f2-4277-8a59-0c18a5109019.gif
- Hang on. - What's up?
hang
↓
aad7d667-9f33-4d0a-bc1f-65279676b323.gif
My mom's trying to call me.
moms
↓
06e4b71a-b197-4567-966f-211e8fe20ab6.gif
Hmm. Oh, wait, you know what? Don't pick up.
pick
↓
b70cf3de-3b8f-4bca-ae7c-33527a97d663.gif
- Oh, no, I never would. - Okay, good.
↓
5bd1568b-760d-4fc6-8329-3ed7e4d16b3f.gif
But let's let that play out.
↓
0a327563-0edf-4505-bfae-0071be7f6982.gif
Camera one.
camera
↓
e3e82a0c-1fe3-4e96-a026-90e2944e0cde.gif
Oh, Charlie.
charlie
↓
c5dab444-6bd1-436d-94e0-1a66c1054a16.gif
Charlie, please pick up.
charliepick
↓
de2da933-2d8c-43f0-bbb3-bd50ab1ee013.gif
One, two, three.
three
↓
fcd37207-1b1b-42f1-8189-7820a9c5b0cb.gif
Charlie, where are you?
charlie
↓
a1ae4f6c-70cd-4fa9-b9b0-f3f0eb58a7c2.gif
One, two, three.
three
↓
710cbc9c-c688-4332-a72d-d14c817c539a.gif
Oh.
↓
8c41865a-5b91-4816-87f7-6b3c575e9edc.gif
God, it's me, Bonnie.
bonnie
↓
42c5f975-2b35-4e66-8b8a-f3f8eca005c1.gif
I'm so worried about my Charlie boy.
charlieworried
↓
613872ac-3104-4ac4-aa59-3aeae79ebde7.gif
Please don't have him be in a ditch somewhere,
ditch
↓
1015584d-a93f-4555-b97b-a85206999302.gif
or squished between two trains,
trains
↓
12649d1b-e566-4917-805a-6eae6f24a672.gif
and his body mangled,
bodymangled
↓
897bda84-1249-4c1f-a0c7-29d4809c1736.gif
so if they move the trains,
trains
↓
2d0a4768-06bf-4330-8f3b-383312f43714.gif
all his guts and bodily fluids and organs spill out.
bodilyfluidsgutsorgansspill
↓
1683efb4-b781-4245-b90b-3b52ed4ecc9b.gif
Please, God.
↓
36fe490c-e8f4-465d-9fa9-a211895bf342.gif
Don't have him die.
↓
7e0bd2cd-5c96-4675-84dd-6fa8851541a9.gif
Aw.
↓
ea264f8b-8c1d-47bf-8be1-5941010b1439.gif
I knew it.
↓
46c2fa0f-57c9-43a8-b35b-acde543e10c5.gif
She's a star.
star
↓
cf701174-5ade-4cef-9568-11ff878b9fe9.gif
- Charlie, this could be huge. - Yeah?
charliehuge
↓
8af32594-6d8a-4f13-a4dd-17077f07386b.gif
I think this really could be a show, with your mom as the star.
star
↓
10fe80e6-ed62-46ff-8c9e-4992c1a4b190.gif
Imagine what that would do for your mom. What do you think?
imagine
↓
f2a064cd-8deb-4919-8296-b6ab3e5d6d15.gif
Oh, shit.
↓
9d22021e-3dbd-421d-807d-ac9f0b33a3f3.gif
Well, now I'm thinking about my mom starring in a show, and I like it.
starringthinking
↓
1125f7fc-f9e6-403b-a77c-8a9306671180.gif
Um, now I'm thinking about minotaurs.
thinking
↓
51201cdf-b6d3-485a-882b-46d9d0900b09.gif
Now I'm thinking about a hoagie sandwich.
hoagiesandwichthinking
↓
fc2ae662-ed7f-4214-901c-db13d8f0622e.gif
Now I'm thinking about a glass of water to go with the chips.
chipsglassthinkingwater
↓
6f732b4d-943b-4168-b302-99cd65f5daa3.gif
How many of my thoughts do you need? Do you want me to go on, or...
thoughts
↓
5b4d0f8d-4ae1-4425-ab11-ee2736f09256.gif
No, that's... We're good.
↓
218abaf1-136d-407b-83e2-8dda9e6d22ce.gif
Mom, you know that I think
↓
03e6ce3c-6998-489a-8dda-2c3ce8a3e9b0.gif
you're the most captivating and beautiful woman in the world, don't you?
womanworld
↓
65caf82b-35d5-4744-babc-995149c6f1fc.gif
- No. - Oh! I got something for you.
↓
1ca5299b-564c-4947-82ef-b30632ebe062.gif
Sort of brighten you up a little bit.
↓
5fd6966d-220e-4b9e-a9b0-fd402afb6848.gif
- What the hell is that? - Lipstick.
lipstick
↓
41b95772-723c-4fd4-aa8a-722d170cd83d.gif
"Heartbreaker." Just like you.
↓
679a0317-cfd6-430f-8739-1ea6c6b3a590.gif
- I ain't wearing no lipstick. - Come on, Mom.
aintlipstickwearing
↓
a86bda76-b677-46d4-83c0-036a60be1071.gif
Be agreeable, which makes you rootable, which makes you likeable.
likeablemakes
↓
0d75e24f-7a98-4b52-96ea-b679f6644021.gif
- you! - That's a joke.
joke
↓
0cf30b70-b579-43a1-a626-1e791e4b1b30.gif
That's a joke. We will beep that, I think.
beepjoke
↓
a68c920a-1e44-4131-8644-d7831c00635b.gif
He will beep that, and that'll be funny.
beepfunnythatll
↓
868159f1-cdeb-437a-b59d-817b8e844cf4.gif
Let me just try and put some of this...
↓
b19a211e-9681-4359-9d5f-c54606a07560.gif
Buzz off!
buzz
↓
18d9b858-2479-4ec9-b746-78d9bfa2c2b6.gif
That's good. "Buzz off."
buzz
↓
90c5a108-dd07-4d10-bcf7-c21bec68cdc3.gif
You know, that's like, uh, a call back, which could become a catchphrase.
becomecatchphrase
↓
63aff16f-1bfe-4d15-8f37-cb2623671809.gif
You should probably think of a few more, so you're not just too one-note.
note
↓
fd08fe1b-ef62-4d32-84d6-a5bee60b7dd2.gif
What about, um, "I can't even"?
↓
4cff57ff-cfac-41c1-bf0c-9803932fdbd3.gif
Or "That went well"?
↓
59e4cb50-63c8-45d3-95ed-aba7953a62d9.gif
I'm gonna take a shit.
↓
a674d428-8ced-4ff9-af7b-de219f3499fe.gif
That's not a good catchphrase. It is healthy, though.
catchphrasehealthy
↓
b8520b68-c4e0-4e6c-ba3c-1a403cbf7a20.gif
Oh...
↓
e254c26f-fb4f-44a7-aac5-95042ca02fe4.gif
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
cockdoodle
↓
330c5c64-f062-4c1f-8ab7-e442130e17a9.gif
What are you doing?
↓
79aa3de6-6b6b-4ad8-985b-134c2f9d0f85.gif
Just the wacky neighbor, swinging by with the usual hijinks.
neighborswingingusualwacky
↓
ea850f50-56d1-4467-96c7-0ae2e2d6194c.gif
Aga-aga-aga-agoo.
↓
73d2b09e-d26a-40bc-b416-5b77ad73e0b9.gif
I'm sorry.
↓
865b3794-58db-409d-b8d8-794e61ea15b4.gif
Do I hear someone upstairs?
upstairs
↓
b1df742a-5c89-4440-95f7-70174c2d1c6c.gif
Oh, neighbor! Just swingin' by to say hello.
neighbor
↓
d5c48cd0-f6b3-484a-a8f8-002e431582dc.gif
Will you look at that?
↓
cbc880e6-5cb0-4950-b179-49588388b3a1.gif
I've got my dumb head stuck in the banister.
dumbheadstuck
↓
908eaeb0-9cb0-42c3-8431-4a78d61e90e0.gif
- Dee's a nightmare, dude. - It's awful.
awfuldeesnightmare
↓
0411637f-41f5-43ad-b431-4e4458be28e1.gif
You're not gonna try and put a laugh in, or...
laugh
↓
158f9a24-17c1-4810-acfe-61a75d47aac3.gif
Uh, nowhere to put it.
↓
54cafacc-8eeb-4245-b4dd-d107af7f365b.gif
- Can't tell where the jokes should to be. - Exactly.
jokes
↓
cc316756-30a1-426f-a10f-5ac4009546fe.gif
Whoops. Okay, it's actually a little bit stuck.
stuckwhoops
↓
a7a06944-d5a2-4f31-8275-97dd1aba5198.gif
Mac? You wanna come pull on me?
pull
↓
0f74c91e-8ee2-4557-85ba-cc42af267523.gif
Dee, I don't know what you're doing,
↓
4ddbabde-2771-4355-8958-94e9048d47ed.gif
because none of this is playing, and you're not funny at all, and--
funnyplaying
↓
bb9c4b7b-2e24-45a5-ac53-c7bcfef923e5.gif
Hey, you know what, Dee?
↓
43bd6ce3-8b41-4271-b4ae-e4c72e7279c4.gif
From here, what you're doing actually is kind of funny.
funny
↓
baebe316-1ebf-44a9-8d0e-ca9a6afd9dcb.gif
I wish we could get Mac out of there.
wish
↓
46b64c01-c640-4a31-bc35-9eb07b601867.gif
- Oh, I know. - Terrible.
↓
2fb22890-6852-4661-a9c5-a86603ce7913.gif
- He's making me sick. - Yeah. Ugly.
sickugly
↓
aa65cc43-3cb1-4e0e-bf73-2ebb0e2b62be.gif
Mrs. Kelly, can you please help me out? My head is really stuck.
headkellystuck
↓
ee8cd954-c2d1-4960-852a-764780222144.gif
Um, I don't do well with emergencies, and I have to answer the door.
answerdooremergencies
↓
fc07ea05-01eb-46e1-be5c-ab096dbfc51a.gif
- Hi, Jack. - Hi, Bonnie.
bonniejack
↓
10480d00-fe03-4a8e-a1b1-b3c85a541959.gif
Just stopping by to pick up that hard drive
drivehardhard-drivepickstopping
↓
a3bb7d43-8bc2-4d29-b8a1-adaad1c1506a.gif
I accidentally left under the floorboards.
accidentallyleft
↓
a8facfce-9c9c-47fd-a583-8ba8a6533e05.gif
- Oh, come on in. - Okay.
↓
bcd36cef-70d8-4ccb-a2d2-cb579235cb11.gif
Man, what is Uncle Jack doing there?
jackuncleuncle-jack
↓
c5b6fe6d-be68-4af1-ab77-a3e11caaa77b.gif
- He's awful. - So creepy.
awfulcreepy
↓
91d5daff-b55b-4f34-bc42-169858282dc6.gif
He's gonna ruin the show.
ruin
↓
767102b6-b1fe-4f28-863c-675043fb89af.gif
That creepy pedophile vibe he's got going on is gonna be a tough sell.
creepypedophileselltoughvibe
↓
40d740d6-c2ca-432e-a84c-d6b7cb0446c9.gif
You know, even in Europe. Let me try something.
europe
↓
445fc33c-e3b5-4a08-9725-c96041facf8e.gif
Let me take that jacket.
jacket
↓
a1279cbf-1f9b-438f-8c0c-f1b4327e8977.gif
Ooh!
↓
932d479a-b925-4b32-94f9-b9d0cd11f097.gif
- Thank you. - Mm.
↓
669229ed-51ad-4d53-9b65-c4c617bc9c19.gif
Aw.
↓
efa10289-5d8f-415b-9044-52f0fc1ebdcb.gif
- Hey, hey, hey! - That's funny from over here.
funny
↓
5952932f-5f4e-4a50-9dcc-d98d37f9d7c8.gif
Yeah, just give me a good push on... Hey, what are you doing?
push
↓
9f36486a-d5fe-455d-be6c-661436fb2ec2.gif
What the hell was that, man?
↓
63dd560e-f309-4a02-8976-768174740358.gif
What, that fart? I'm just trying some new stuff.
fartstuff
↓
50c5be15-7935-4054-ad08-d247ca13ece6.gif
No, not the fart, no.
fart
↓
6da4443d-7bae-4733-a86a-a205323f2852.gif
- The fart's good. - No.
farts
↓
10acf888-1b69-4c87-b6a9-7b2689673234.gif
I'm talking about the sound effects under my uncle.
effectssoundsound-effectsuncle
↓
7cd7cb7f-f2a2-4265-b0eb-4bd9a068b384.gif
- What? - Well, uh...
↓
9153b38f-0333-447a-8ed5-6fba448a4964.gif
I'm trying to make him likeable by turning him into the romantic lead.
leadlikeableromanticromantic-leadturning
↓
1ab07ac3-8f66-4ff9-a676-20ca8fd9aea2.gif
Romantic lead? They're brother and sister.
brotherleadromanticromantic-leadsister
↓
e54f02ef-28cf-4914-90e5-c504d653216e.gif
- The audience doesn't know that. - You know what?
audience
↓
2a86f1ab-74c8-431c-a69b-fd6816669748.gif
I wanna see her bang somebody, but not him.
bangsomebody
↓
aa2c65f8-017d-4d7e-b083-42cba9ee5ce1.gif
Yeah. All right. What if you make him, like, a spy or something, right?
↓
48e83ea8-5570-476b-a32e-67328da32ab5.gif
And he's looking for his hard drive,
drivehardhard-drivelooking
↓
16cea108-9cff-4697-abe3-0915e7d87b2c.gif
because spies are always looking for hard drives.
driveshardlookingspies
↓
bf1ebd95-abc3-422a-9d9b-8c9e06748fb5.gif
Or how about if you write in some scumbag stranger comes in off the street,
comesscumbagstrangerstreetwrite
↓
7982a6c9-aaa6-414d-bc60-d00f4045cf32.gif
and goes to town on Bonnie.
bonnietown
↓
53e79132-a7c1-4bbf-b32d-52132cd7ce3a.gif
I don't wanna over-write this thing.
write
↓
c9b427cf-1093-4737-9ed1-047c500a9743.gif
All of a sudden, you wanna turn it into a spy thriller?
suddenthriller
↓
e680205a-818c-4791-838f-d77f6736004b.gif
I don't wanna genre jump.
genrejump
↓
f18f06d6-e94c-489a-aa95-603d7f82794a.gif
Let's just see how the romantic lead thing plays out for a minute here.
leadminuteplaysromanticromantic-lead
↓
685233b0-dc90-4d11-acf5-86893a79bbff.gif
- All right. - All right.
↓
6641bf41-fa17-4244-8e6e-b9869d880183.gif
♪ Life is hard on your own
hardlife
↓
a4e2be49-28f7-413e-9297-f7b62bf22ce6.gif
♪ Life is hard on your own
hardlife
↓
65972933-b504-4790-b3bd-30e060cabfa2.gif
♪ But here's a place to call home
homeplace
↓
09ae41fe-4640-4116-bc68-8404c8c49ef1.gif
♪ Old Lady House, where there are no laws
houseladylady-houselaws
↓
3453e99f-fafb-4d90-af70-c710b44345b8.gif
♪ Old Lady House, they're in menopause
houseladylady-housemenopause
↓
bc5177ea-7484-4f78-8978-2221d06d9e23.gif
♪ Old Lady House
houseladylady-house
↓
a18776b0-d19b-47fc-a9b2-4beec7954446.gif
♪ You'll never be alone ♪
alone
↓
63559e14-ad59-4c17-94f2-5290b78e6877.gif
Yeah? What do you guys think?
↓
edbcc31e-78f1-4929-afeb-a681c7a83534.gif
Obviously, the audio is temp, but we could keep my singing voice if you like it.
audioobviouslysingingtempvoice
↓
0a9f0170-86bb-4b87-ba49-a8dddfc1f9e7.gif
- I like it. - I like it.
↓
8070e586-deb0-404a-b8b0-a9b59b58a86f.gif
And it feels like a real show,
feelsreal
↓
6da0cfc3-c0db-4756-b0f0-3f07fff124c2.gif
and I love all the letters flying around on the screen.
flyingletterslovescreen
↓
55cb308b-e125-472a-8f0c-7c2ed4a0ddec.gif
- Those are interesting. - Those are names,
interestingnames
↓
2a0e27dd-216a-4b32-8aba-43c7a5a2a379.gif
'cause it's a credit sequence, which is pretty good,
creditsequence
↓
642a2eea-8d6b-4be3-9200-e9f5441b699e.gif
but why isn't my mom in the credit sequence?
creditsequence
↓
8435d522-6744-4b40-a595-4f982c5cef09.gif
'Cause I feel like she was popping.
popping
↓
03f27915-8489-46f0-955d-961555508295.gif
You're lucky your mom's in the credit sequence at all,
creditluckymomssequence
↓
a9554fa1-4d51-43e9-93d7-4bc987226f83.gif
because I'm writing her off. She's terrible.
writing
↓
def099f4-19de-44e1-809f-ff7d595c62cc.gif
- The word thing you did was good. - It was good, right?
word
↓
fe380de5-ad50-4168-8af6-a80a5966668b.gif
We gotta get somebody younger, hipper and more fun in there.
funsomebodyyounger
↓
e739be73-3bd6-4fe2-8fda-17fb4cdeee7b.gif
Preferably, somebody of color.
colorsomebody
↓
37a070eb-ffbb-4f4e-9055-e52d36d06402.gif
What are you talking about? You can't kick my mom out.
kick
↓
14363765-2865-402b-931c-3f02a445b168.gif
- She lives in the goddamn house. - I'm gonna cut around her, then.
goddamnhouselives
↓
328741c6-9b70-427e-9872-44b34eff0629.gif
Until the ethnic comes.
comesethnic
↓
a5059649-32b1-4cb8-a4a4-e9769519f1e3.gif
- Then we'll need your mom's room. - We're gonna get an ethnic.
ethnicmomsroom
↓
54584a91-c195-4ee8-94ca-4823e878c655.gif
You can't get rid of my mom!
↓
814d5a4d-6aa5-4c19-a770-5294e42e63ba.gif
I'm getting rid of her. I'm gonna cut around her.
↓
1d67e1ce-3a15-4a8a-a6c7-5edc655486d9.gif
Mac, she's out, she's out.
↓
80d75ae8-9e56-4f01-b419-284b55be370b.gif
- He thinks she pops. She's terrible. - Yeah.
popsthinks
↓
2c19dba8-c158-42dd-8645-886d132e13f9.gif
Oh, Mrs. Kelly, Mrs. Kelly.
kelly
↓
aa747e03-ef88-4bed-bbc3-4d504c7d941b.gif
- Hold on. Just give me one second. - One, two, three.
secondthree
↓
dd068064-49ec-43c9-a78b-a9ae6f73c097.gif
- One, two, three. - What? What?
three
↓
98c9461d-2bd2-4478-bcd6-f5805cdf78c7.gif
- One, two, three. - Oh, my God, what?
three
↓
a272ccb6-3565-4640-b143-52bad9ffe9ff.gif
Hi, Frank. What are you doing here?
frank
↓
9e19c458-e567-4df6-9d69-74790a603739.gif
I came to see you.
↓
224c5e9c-996e-4c6f-86a9-9463d391b831.gif
Oh! Frank, is that you? Come help me out, I'm stuck.
frankstuck
↓
341cdb56-111b-4780-ab28-6aa1fd12d134.gif
Not now, Deandra.
deandra
↓
df2de1d2-a6e0-4d38-8598-d2d3d927330d.gif
Oh, by the way, none of the stuff you're doing is playing.
playingstuff
↓
c4928029-cfc3-458a-b932-ba0ed2d4816a.gif
Except for the fart stuff.
exceptfartstuff
↓
2bd87422-6f0a-445a-90d9-46d455749c77.gif
What fart stuff?
fartstuff
↓
4849bfa1-cc68-4271-9249-af96c77d67bc.gif
See? You should have farted after you said that.
farted
↓
890ccb2c-80de-49ec-9ebd-22370c01cc72.gif
Just help me get out of this thing.
↓
9d2ebd5b-e872-4ef4-87a3-39c5a1f178fb.gif
- Put a fart in, Dennis. - What?
dennisfart
↓
7652db3b-11d8-48f9-8b1c-0c716c8b0cc1.gif
Goddamn it, what's Frank doing over there?
frankgoddamngoddamn-it
↓
610af03e-b43f-4892-8c03-8141f8d1f99e.gif
You know what, I think he's playing the scumbag
playingscumbag
↓
b67cb71f-58db-49a7-a918-6cc99cad79a0.gif
who comes in off the street to bang your mom.
bangcomesstreet
↓
bcc131a1-ba98-4b5a-8438-e0a6782957e0.gif
Well, I don't want him banging my mom, dude. Shit.
banging
↓
d0542df9-d958-44fe-bb96-333db91b5161.gif
Oh! Uh, hi, Frank.
frank
↓
e3a5f871-2065-46f3-81c5-c469b1e2d491.gif
I didn't know Bonnie was gonna be having company.
bonniecompanyhaving
↓
7b36f386-2f3a-4e01-8c80-fbd325afc07c.gif
I would have put my hands on. How embarrassing.
embarrassinghands
↓
a9ef2e78-b12d-46ab-8891-bad1fbb1ee52.gif
Get lost. I'm gonna bang your sister.
banglostsister
↓
4f3a8bd6-3e98-4cdf-be5e-1e6ea81776a5.gif
You got it.
↓
b511fb6d-7a71-4872-b38f-03e12c604bdb.gif
Goddamn it, dude. This is gross. I don't want this.
goddamngoddamn-itgross
↓
cb8f104e-e664-4bb3-8527-09490dc280dc.gif
Can we turn this into something else?
↓
ef7699c8-8f17-4cdc-bc83-a161dea3d8de.gif
You know what? Maybe we could turn this into,
↓
f2ed3b74-2958-4664-92fe-b537e4ea6934.gif
like, a love triangle thing between Jack, your mom and Frank?
frankjacklovetriangle
↓
64eaef4f-9db4-4385-99e2-8b4960ded6f4.gif
No, I don't want a love triangle...
lovetriangle
↓
d4632274-b814-405f-9f2e-37126d803cda.gif
I don't want any shape of love between them. That's just gross.
grossloveshape
↓
cdf86d3f-7028-4eec-be3a-9925accd0f43.gif
Ooh!
↓
9e2c5eda-2682-4ffa-b757-151e9b1d2f07.gif
I'll be in the upstairs attic, rooting around, if anyone needs me.
atticneedsrootingupstairs
↓
e2e15cfb-1b61-4869-8b24-ce263cdd37b3.gif
- Yeah, I do. I need you. - Oh, I'll be up there, Dee.
↓
347676f4-b20b-46c2-8925-1e14a9639136.gif
- Uncle Jack... - Come on, Bonnie.
bonniejackuncleuncle-jack
↓
26b832ad-e8cb-46b9-8cfd-35ac2ea087c2.gif
- This boner ain't gonna last forever. - Okay.
aintbonerforever
↓
b9626245-2b71-4332-a249-3a36ec030b64.gif
Goddamn it, though, he's really gonna bang her?
banggoddamngoddamn-it
↓
2ba253e2-1c87-4280-a710-b76533251ccc.gif
- Yeah. - Did Mac put a camera in my mom's room?
cameramomsroom
↓
0c6a49db-f09c-4dbc-bda9-97f816dbb392.gif
No, I did.
↓
a79b92f1-e0c3-4437-824a-6b460515c411.gif
Listen, people, it does not matter how you try to ruin this thing.
matterruin
↓
88e0e13c-ab95-4b28-9bc1-7452a2cb7499.gif
I will make it work, because I'm a genius.
genius
↓
87bc0d3c-2157-4432-95e0-479bafbd82d7.gif
Now look at the... plant! Look at the plant.
plant
↓
2013b393-259d-42db-a1e1-3dd6845b1bf1.gif
Now, look at the globe. Up. Back to the plant.
globeplant
↓
a3bb033b-958b-4553-a0f5-34e132c0e06b.gif
Can't cut around her when she's in every shot, can you, Dennis?
dennisshot
↓
8011bc03-0de7-4295-b298-efe417a0af2f.gif
- Look at the teddy bear and the plant. - Great.
bearplantteddyteddy-bear
↓
e0e220b9-6303-4b8a-8a24-14d64b2b4777.gif
This disgusting bitch is in every shot?
bitchdisgustingshot
↓
dfdcc615-03dd-4ec8-aabb-fe3422a81339.gif
I don't want to stand here no more. I got to take another dump.
anotherdumpstand
↓
a9e1be24-9301-45af-8e3c-afce8d62631a.gif
Oh, look, Mom, no more shitting, all right?
shitting
↓
35ac6948-8174-4da3-8975-9d755d22b321.gif
And when you go, are you not having a full elimination?
fullhaving
↓
c8388833-4ad7-4cee-ad95-b3a8339b6470.gif
Why are you going so much?
↓
47e6bbbe-b247-4cbd-9ce2-97ab0c3367f1.gif
Mom? Mom, where are you?
↓
fe2f62db-2037-4307-ab74-5ce87fc5ae9d.gif
Don't try and steal focus, Charlie.
charliefocussteal
↓
acb80034-4b7b-4960-bb63-8d72164193b1.gif
- Charlie, can't breathe. - What? What?
breathecharlie
↓
5bb93a24-6a9a-4ec3-82c8-5b421768952f.gif
Help. Help, Charlie.
charlie
↓
fad9a615-966e-4ef0-b97b-82c1dd95f86f.gif
Get off me, you crazy bitch!
bitchcrazycrazy-bitch
↓
59aaa88e-c782-442a-90a7-88a13d17d55d.gif
Mom, look, no more shitting! Let's go. We gotta go where the action is.
actionshitting
↓
04a6573e-f7d0-4ec5-a075-55f4da4609b7.gif
Mom! Frank!
frank
↓
4fac2f26-dc6e-4371-9899-6e76fd0f1e1f.gif
Come on, stop banging!
banging
↓
745428f7-7f9b-47f7-bcd3-c06b01f0b364.gif
Charlie. What a pleasant surprise.
charliepleasantpleasant-surprisesurprise
↓
92059ef7-73e5-4bdb-a196-928b209cbab6.gif
- Get off me, man. Get off! - Mom stays in the picture.
picturestays
↓
b07bcc24-cc90-4923-967e-8c3e49c1132a.gif
- Let's go, come on! - Charlie!
charlie
↓
464376ca-d0de-47d1-aefa-d8b1b00785c3.gif
- I only got to third! - Get out of here. Go.
third
↓
cc0ae82b-72f2-4938-a043-fb81854ab78a.gif
You can have any woman you want. It's gotta be my mom?
woman
↓
76281560-751e-48d0-8898-e11b98987be3.gif
Come on, what are you doing?
↓
97843050-1a71-4896-9d72-fc5ae843fb2c.gif
Wait, wait, wait. Mom, we gotta go where the action is. Come on.
action
↓
d408b160-34c0-4fa5-8a1c-bcbe3a678edb.gif
God... Goddamn it! I was sliding into home, Charlie.
charliegoddamngoddamn-ithomesliding
↓
65621191-4a3c-49eb-be30-3886ce367d63.gif
- Get out of here, Frank. - Aw, come on.
frank
↓
4e93936a-d1c0-4490-8621-c5bcfe60f39f.gif
- Son of a bitch. Get lost! - Charlie!
bitchcharlielost
↓
e457ef0e-09dc-4f0f-8253-f51a2df132d9.gif
I can't breathe. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die in this banister.
breathe
↓
4751fe45-cf2c-4971-a8a9-0a269abc3d87.gif
- Charlie, what's going on? - Look.
charlie
↓
68e7db48-5ab4-4560-9752-c57946c571aa.gif
I'm coming clean. We've been watching you guys, right?
cleancomingwatching
↓
74d7a439-d19a-40da-a5ba-7fb2f4fe62ad.gif
The presents that we brought over, they're hidden cameras.
broughtcamerashiddenpresents
↓
6f26737b-5acf-42b8-b430-a389f7d532a9.gif
The teddy bear, the globe, all that shit. I don't know how you didn't see it.
bearglobeteddyteddy-bear
↓
3fec73a5-a3b9-47e4-9a9a-36146e035736.gif
And then we turned it into a show. The show was pretty good.
turned
↓
1e824a5a-2dca-445e-9be4-e039185c9418.gif
We had chips. But this all started,
chipsstarted
↓
296d43d3-958c-4941-b1a9-8591c81ab8b8.gif
'cause you sent me this in the mail. I got freaked out.
freakedmailsent
↓
1ecc3227-fa81-4fa8-ae7d-7e89314ec5d9.gif
Well, I sent it to you, because I missed you,
missedsent
↓
27933462-043d-4903-9ca0-61752202aa42.gif
I wanted to see more of you.
wanted
↓
fae46e32-ffa3-46e0-b091-2bb6b2d971d6.gif
That's all? It's not because you feel trapped in your own home,
hometrapped
↓
b63995dc-f3a1-4e6f-816f-42a55fc058c7.gif
and you guys are fighting too much, or whatever?
fighting
↓
05e8c685-d35a-4b07-a6c9-e1011741626c.gif
No. We get along great.
along
↓
e6cb5f6a-667d-441b-9044-d4c1b6cceeee.gif
Oh, but this makes me feel so much better.
makes
↓
cb82cbfd-5b19-40f1-bf3b-b0814d059722.gif
Now that I know that you're watching me.
watching
↓
d8550fde-4d41-4a8c-a627-9e9c5fad6182.gif
My mom feels the same way.
feels
↓
beedd6d5-36c6-4448-86ee-565b09269221.gif
And she also says that she loves me and misses me.
lovesmisses
↓
5221629c-ecfd-41cd-aac2-f9bc722ee216.gif
Shoot, all right, why don't we bring it on in for a hug?
bringshoot
↓
01478e3b-82d3-4210-b778-f21bded116f3.gif
This was all just one big misunderstanding.
misunderstanding
↓
c6610514-f679-40d9-a81e-55b3bb1ffae9.gif
Get off me, dude. What are you doing? Get off.
↓
ce74c17b-61d1-48a4-b64a-7179deb50c0a.gif
♪ Old Lady House
houseladylady-house
↓
a7c017a3-26d2-4bac-8f7a-6ab6c87bb5e6.gif
♪ You'll never be alone ♪
alone
↓
edfa5826-dad1-42be-b166-4855cb254f30.gif
I got to say it, that's the best episode yet. That is!
bestepisode
↓
3b99f12f-6e58-4bac-bed4-78230b8f1d31.gif
- It's a classic! - I love the button at the ending.
buttonclassicendinglove
↓
618870a6-23b9-4d33-9c0c-56c8e8de84f2.gif
- Yeah? - That was the biggest joke in the show.
biggestjoke
↓
3a36748a-23cd-468a-b831-de63f5f22f3f.gif
- The biggest moment. It was. - Was it?
biggestmoment
↓
6883180c-e7fc-42ce-a820-ff60abb08145.gif
- I mean it. - Guys, look, I told you.
↓
0467b689-3e14-42d2-8626-6c3c772eab6e.gif
- I know my physical comedy. - Yeah.
comedyphysical
↓
a6ee564a-5b78-440b-ac10-1d67c81b457f.gif
- Right? - Okay, yeah.
↓
5407ea27-b428-4683-8abd-538ce225348b.gif
- Oh! Oh! - What are you doing?
↓
cc5f0ae9-931b-40fa-8067-b23e074f4eaa.gif
- What's wrong? - Hey.
↓
5933e758-f4a1-45d8-9c9d-069d27a3d502.gif
- Show's been cancelled, guys. - What?
cancelledshows
↓
dd22342b-0fad-4bf9-9cb0-5357b918d90a.gif
I got a four-episode sex arc.
episodefour
↓
4208f225-90c7-4ece-8ce6-0ca67a0d63f7.gif
Nah, now that everybody knows they're being filmed,
everybodyeverybody-knowsfilmedknows
↓
1a8539c3-285c-4b5b-aa81-e089a2dc17f1.gif
it's more like a reality TV show,
reality
↓
1c27e871-18e4-48e6-894f-2d046e51f6cb.gif
and I just can't enjoy it when the people who are being filmed
enjoyfilmed
↓
18bf112f-4d45-40c8-8b29-b9e6b953c52a.gif
know they're being filmed.
filmed
↓
78c4f616-ae6e-4da3-a890-d5c4ae8c980a.gif
But what about our show? What about making my mom famous?
famous
↓
5a885fee-3bc3-42f4-a75e-b1d36ba3bcad.gif
It's just not funny anymore.
anymorefunny
↓
997e2095-ca76-4ffb-ac9c-03229be0c6e1.gif
Oh, oh! I know how to make it funny.
funny
↓
b343301a-bee6-435a-9dbf-9c7281f648a1.gif
Oh!
↓
4b5019ac-d7d9-44a8-85c0-41e6b60fdcd5.gif
- What? - Oh, I... I just shit my pants.
pants
↓
0a7b10a1-20bf-44a1-93e5-6161fdf46247.gif
- Oh, God! - Oh! Oh, God.
↓
0d4de907-96c8-4797-876e-964dd6b74b68.gif
- Oh! - Oh, God.
↓
1e049bff-5a29-4d03-af81-58d69d7df025.gif
Oh, Dee. That's not funny.
funny
↓
1d4b8d64-6703-4d8e-bd6e-126e8764b80e.gif
I just meant to fart. I didn't...
fartmeant
↓
84f605e8-7e7d-4696-8760-08f1aaaeb2bd.gif
Without the laugh track, that's really horrible.
horriblelaughtrack
↓
bb47fc34-8a25-41e1-99d1-be6ae810b456.gif
Yeah, you're just a grown woman who shit her pants.
grownpantswoman
↓
763db339-898b-4510-9cbd-ee655cad225d.gif
Now it's funny again.
funny
↓
3280cb41-d8b9-4f5a-8beb-93e987d95f21.gif
♪ Life is hard on your own
hardlife
↓
cc6c90da-0661-4fd6-8734-f269794b9008.gif
♪ Life is hard on your own
hardlife
↓
0b747c9e-ef7c-4320-97ff-9de9beec0d6d.gif
♪ But here's a place to call home
homeplace
↓
678e9aed-30b9-454a-82c5-c687089dcdf3.gif
♪ Old Lady House, where there are no laws
houseladylady-houselaws
↓
09347544-1a85-45cc-a228-b0c30be3a7d7.gif
♪ Old Lady House, they're in menopause
houseladylady-housemenopause
↓
1c7b70a1-3224-485d-9259-63041d3c2b9d.gif
♪ Old Lady House, you'll never be alone ♪
alonehouseladylady-house