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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S12E04 — Wolf Cola: A Public Relations Nightmare

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 12, Episode 4 — Wolf Cola: A Public Relations Nightmare

TMDB episode metadata
Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Episode title: Wolf Cola: A Public Relations Nightmare
Air date: January 25, 2017
Director: Matt Shakman
Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito
Franks Fluids LLC is in big trouble after a news segment. Dee and Dennis help with the PR nightmare and Charlie and Mac work on a scheme to make Fight Milk the official drink of the UFC.
Source: TMDB
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♪ Go for it, go for it, go
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♪ Go for it, go for it, go
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♪ Go for it, go for it, go
goforit
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♪ Go for it, go for it, go ♪
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Go for it, go for it.
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Somebody's chipper this morning.
morningsomebodys
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Oh, you guys were there all this time? I didn't see you.
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We just didn't want to interrupt your morning routine.
interruptmorningroutine
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Is doing cocaine every morning your routine, Frank?
cocainefrankmorningroutine
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- Yeah. - Hey, Frank.
frank
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- How's Wolf Cola doing? - Funny you should ask.
colafunnywolfwolf-cola
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I'm selling it to the Jews in Boca Raton.
jewsselling
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They're slurping it up like candy. I'm telling you, they're addicted.
addictedcandyslurpingtelling
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If I recall, Wolf Cola used to just be a money laundering front.
colafrontmoneyrecallusedwolfwolf-cola
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Well, it was, but I'm selling it now by the truckload.
selling
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They can't get enough of it.
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It's become the official drink of Boca Raton.
becomedrinkofficial
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- Why do you ask? - Well, just 'cause of this.
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The group released another video today.
anothergroupreleasedtodayvideo
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Boca Raton, Frank?
frank
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Or the official soft drink of Boko Haram?
drinkofficialsoft
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Whoops.
whoops
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How do you confuse a city in Florida with a terrorist organization in Africa?
africacityconfusefloridaorganizationterrorist
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It's an easy misunderstanding.
easymisunderstanding
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- Fight Milk? - Fight Milk!
fightfight-milkfight-milk-fightmilkmilk-fightmilk-fight-milk
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Wait, that's our drink. You've been selling that?
drinkselling
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It's selling like crazy with the UFC guys.
crazyselling
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- UFC fighters are drinking Fight Milk? - What?
drinkingfightfight-milkfightersmilk
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Buying it like crazy.
buyingcrazy
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- My God, Charlie, this is huge. - Yeah!
charliehuge
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Remember, we designed that for bodyguards, by bodyguards.
bodyguardsdesignedremember
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And it makes total sense, because the best bodyguards
bestbodyguardsmakessensetotal
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- are former UFC fighters. - Of course.
coursefightersformer
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And the best UFC fighters are former bodyguards.
bestbodyguardsfightersformer
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- So, bodyguards, UFC fighters... - It's a revolving door.
bodyguardsdoorfighters
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- Absolutely. - We gotta take control of the product.
absolutelycontrolproduct
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Let's get out there. Let's mingle with these dudes.
dudesmingle
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Let's expand the brand.
brandexpand
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Fight Milk's back.
fight
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- Fight Milk! - Yeah!
fightfight-milkmilk
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Found my go bag. Dee, come over here and dye my hair blond.
blondfoundhair
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- Go bag? - You're gonna go blond?
blond
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Yeah. This is not funny.
funny
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It's very funny to me, 'cause your life's falling apart.
apartfallingfalling-apartfunnylifes
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You really screwed yourself this time. Do you mind?
mindscrewed
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Go ahead. I'm screwed? You're going down, too, buddy.
aheadbuddygo-aheadscrewed
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What?
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Remember when you wanted all the power, so you could get the puss?
powerpussrememberwanted
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I made you executive vice president of worldwide distribution.
distributionexecutivepresidentvicevice-presidentworldwide
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Shit, but nobody knows that, right? I only wanted the illusion of power.
illusionknowsnobodynobody-knowspowerwanted
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The illusion. I never saw an ounce of puss.
illusionouncepuss
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This is a good day for me. You're going down, too? This is great.
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You're laughing? You're executive vice president of operations.
executivelaughingoperationspresidentvicevice-president
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- What? - Yes.
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Goddamn it, Frank, why would you lump me into this?
frankgoddamngoddamn-itlump
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It's a family business. I wanted it to be wholesome.
businessfamilywantedwholesome
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- Okay, all right. - Oh, no.
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Don't panic. I got this. We just need to face this thing head-on.
faceheadpanic
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And we need to do it right away, okay? Because we only have...
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- Fight Milk! - Fight Milk's in the house.
fightfight-milkfight-milk-fighthousemilkmilk-fight
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- Fight Milk's in the house. - Who wants to drink some Fight Milk?
drinkfightfight-milkhousemilkwants
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Fight! Fight!
fightfight-fight
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- Fight Milk's in the house. - That's right.
fighthouse
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Time to stop eating your crow, and start drinking your crow.
crowdrinkingeatingstartstart-drinking
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Hey, guys. Turn off that Cancun, pussy ass, techno bullshit.
bullshitcancunpussytechno
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- Yeah. - That's what I said.
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- I said turn off the-- - That's what I was saying.
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Don't play the Cancun bullshit, Charlie,
bullshitcancuncharlie
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- and he said... - I said the same thing.
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- Gotta go spring break. - Let us tell you about ourselves.
breakspringspring-break
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Yeah, we're the founders and creators of Fight Milk.
creatorsfightfight-milkfoundersmilk
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We wanted to come by and tell you a little bit about what we do.
wanted
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Now, I've always been very passionate about dominating other men.
passionate
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There's nothing like the feeling of another man submitting to your will.
anotherfeeling
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Now, that's power. In a lot of ways, that's love.
lovepowerways
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What are you talking about? He's a bodyguard, though.
bodyguard
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- I feel like you're being unclear. - Did I not say that?
unclear
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- You should lead with that. - I'm screwing up the pitch.
leadpitchscrewing
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I'm gonna jump in here. We're a couple of crow enthusiasts,
couplecrowjump
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who wanted to take the power and essence of a crow,
crowessencepowerwanted
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and we packed that into a delicious milk drink that we invented.
deliciousdrinkinventedmilkpacked
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- Thus, Fight Milk. - Yeah.
fightfight-milkmilk
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I don't know what you guys are talking about right now,
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but I have heard of your stuff,
heardstuff
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and Cerrone and Felder, they actually love it.
felderlove
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Are you kidding me, dude?
kidding
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Cowboy Cerrone and Paul Felder drink Fight Milk?
cowboydrinkfelderfightfight-milkmilkpaul
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- They love it. They crush it. - They crush it!
crushlove
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- It's supposed to be crushed. - Give him some swag.
crushedsupposed
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- This is for wiping yourself down. - Thanks.
thankswiping
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- Okay, man. - All right, my man.
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- Thanks, guys. Good luck with that. - Yeah.
luckthanks
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- Hello? - Hello? Mr. Cowboy, Mr. Felder?
cowboyfelder
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Oh, Cowboy! Hey!
cowboy
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- Oh! - Oh!
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Man, we love your drink. We just had some.
drinklove
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Yeah, man, I'd get up and shake your hands
handsshake
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if I wasn't shitting my brains out right now.
brainsshitting
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- Oh, no. That's cool. - No, no, that's fine, yeah.
cool
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So, Fight Milk makes you sick?
fightfight-milkmakesmilksick
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Makes you expel all body fluids.
bodyfluidsmakes
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Sweat, piss, and shit. We got these weigh-ins coming up.
comingpisssweatweigh
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Nothing cuts weight like Fight Milk.
cutsfightfight-milkmilkweight
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You're using it to cut weight, huh?
usingweight
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They should give you guys a Nobel--
nobel
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bed8ef38-17a5-47ee-8edc-53d05e6b7433.gif
Oh, I just puked on my dick!
dickpuked
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- Rock and roll. - All right, cool.
coolrockroll
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- Well, uh... - Rock and roll, yeah.
rockroll
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We just got you some merch.
merch
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a7068465-28d9-4ece-b70a-14a4ac01ab46.gif
Um...
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Yeah, water bottle for when you feel better, and...
bottlewaterwater-bottle
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- We should, uh... - Yeah.
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Keep drinking the drink that makes you guys throw up, and...
drinkdrinkingmakesthrow
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- Oh! Oh! - Oh, God!
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- You guys ready? - We are.
ready
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This is our opportunity to control our message to the public.
controlmessageopportunitypublic
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And I think how we do that is soften their brand.
brandsoften
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- Whose brand? - Boko Haram.
brand
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- What? - Wait, stop.
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Frank, you want to change the perception of a global terrorist organization?
changefrankglobalorganizationperceptionterrorist
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Yeah. I've got many facts to do it.
facts
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No. Put your facts away. We're just here to apologize, bozo.
apologizebozofacts
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No, hold on a second. We're not here to apologize, either.
apologizesecond
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You never apologize.
apologize
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2d4a2272-15a3-4a04-8e18-9cdae2cd05e1.gif
We're just here to take responsibility, but for nothing specific.
responsibilityspecific
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All that matters is that consumers feel their voices are being heard.
heardmattersvoices
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No. You say you're sorry, and then you just move on.
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No, actually, you don't say anything. But you do have a very important job.
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To say nothing and stand behind me.
behindstand
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You see, audiences are gonna trust me over you because you're a woman,
audiencestrustwoman
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and, by definition, shrill.
definitionshrill
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No. Women identify with women in power.
identifypowerwomen
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8dbbbdc5-2bfb-44d4-93ab-d224abf29617.gif
Oh, no, Dee. Women hate other women in power.
hatepowerwomen
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60ede182-2f92-477f-bf35-686022e03f79.gif
- I'm threatened by 'em. - Everyone is.
threatened
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Now, objectify yourself and humanize me.
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Hmm.
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Jesus Christ. I'm just getting eviscerated online.
christjesusjesus-christonline
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People calling me a bitch, flat-chested bitch,
bitchcallingflat
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pretty much everybody wanting to rape me.
everybodyrapewanting
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You opened that door the second you apologized. Don't you see?
apologizeddooropenedsecond
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People need an outlet to unleash their rage.
outletrageunleash
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Now social media will come down on you
mediasocialsocial-media
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d225653e-4dcb-4e88-b835-e736d10b2d5f.gif
with the fury of a middle-aged man who's accomplished nothing.
accomplishedagedfurymiddlemiddle-aged
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- Hi-yo! - What's up, bitches?
bitches
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f556a29b-8e8e-4c3a-9660-4d83fb783b13.gif
- What's that? What do you got? - Crow traps, baby. Look.
babycrowtraps
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78f8f446-255c-4eb7-829e-93dea3b846dd.gif
Fight Milk is boomin'.
fightfight-milkmilk
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309cca76-bfa1-41ab-8352-ba9c10457bc0.gif
Apparently, people are using it to lose weight.
apparentlyloselose-weightusingweight
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ec8a6fae-f78e-4202-bfff-d51af5d82472.gif
Now, we're gonna lean into that new market,
leanmarket
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48d6f0e6-381e-47c7-b5f8-0140f39a60b1.gif
- and rebrand the product. - Mm-hmm.
productrebrand
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88200ee1-6d72-43d4-9220-a8b48cef9d61.gif
I like this rebranding idea.
idearebranding
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7736c836-f871-4f0c-9450-edb6b6eda0f7.gif
That's what I gotta do. I gotta rebrand my product.
productrebrand
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0dd94c71-66a8-4619-8ec1-6ea1aa1ceecd.gif
You guys, the problem is, I just ooze sexuality.
oozeproblemsexuality
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90c1b0a3-0fec-407c-bf47-b4878e0c86bb.gif
Well, you ooze.
ooze
↓
f7428e09-be57-4aa2-a5a9-c9c666b00680.gif
A real woman of power, she exudes no sexuality at all.
powerrealreal-womansexualitywoman
↓
485ada1f-3951-41d2-b42f-b3e6678e7920.gif
That's true.
↓
9bc38062-8821-453c-9232-04d63f0d175b.gif
I think we gotta focus on not losing Boko Haram.
focuslosing
↓
18c100c7-463a-4243-8cc4-c0a225fc059d.gif
That's a good business.
business
↓
670fda29-6b9a-4799-934c-e339615d0495.gif
The fastest-growing marketplace is Muslim extremists.
fastestgrowingmuslim
↓
88ae604b-4501-4046-be2c-6cb868166391.gif
We're not going into business with terrorists. Are you crazy?
businesscrazyterrorists
↓
b61d9505-6671-4689-9c33-45e0819e322d.gif
Look, we need to get back on TV immediately,
immediately
↓
10114aeb-fa1a-4263-b590-48c0dc57117b.gif
and control the goddamn narrative.
controlgoddamnnarrative
↓
bc43c73c-33f5-44ec-8d39-9ecc0bfd7170.gif
Speaking of TV, we'll be doing a little controlling of our narrative.
controllingnarrativespeaking
↓
64c802e7-4d5f-43ab-8686-3fe0821d97ea.gif
- You guys mind clearing out? - This is now our set.
clearingmind
↓
fa543cc1-1102-4187-80a9-319c6158f10f.gif
Come on, we got work to do. Let's go.
↓
d60be7d1-466f-40b8-aad9-225d9b69afe0.gif
- Don't forget your phone, idiot. - Yep.
forgetidiotphone
↓
908cb8f3-1003-4363-87d6-3d8d7de8fa0a.gif
Three, two, one!
three
↓
3da81a64-fe7f-4a6c-b12b-6c9ac2aae6e0.gif
- What up! - What up!
↓
0cde18cd-9fef-489a-8184-8aa6e5cbce63.gif
- Are you fat? - You probably are,
↓
0e56effd-b88a-41f9-a5f5-5b52d4ec1fbb.gif
- 'cause you're watching TV! - Or Internet.
internetwatching
↓
e7aa1eb8-c7dc-4777-ace4-8f368ca79729.gif
Fight Milk! Rebrand!
fightfight-milkmilkrebrand
↓
a30d5e26-8c3a-44d7-9579-fb53fa7604ea.gif
Let's talk about women's bodies.
bodieswomens
↓
94546ca2-d841-474a-99bc-c3c37e566550.gif
I like women.
women
↓
237d3395-6175-42fd-ae4e-2f271a432c97.gif
It's easy for us men. We have four acceptable body types.
acceptablebodyeasyfourtypes
↓
841bdc45-f6a5-412f-a35c-b17cda36132e.gif
Skinny ripped, jack ripped, dad bod,
jackrippedskinny
↓
dcaf8269-d474-4d2a-9b14-86a7d7c40b11.gif
and fat, if you're funny.
funny
↓
f72adcb4-167c-46bd-818a-255e65aa049c.gif
It's a landslide!
landslide
↓
bc854c44-e566-4ab7-8186-3ab5767a84b6.gif
As we all know, women only have one acceptable body type.
acceptablebodytypewomen
↓
45da0a11-8738-4616-8461-0e1ce8db778d.gif
Skinny, big tits!
skinnytits
↓
277fe14a-1f5f-4bc8-9e18-54f24877adbc.gif
New evidence is suggesting that all this science inside one crow's egg
crowsevidencesciencesuggesting
↓
193da4bb-1652-49dd-abc9-a8b746ac7cac.gif
can scientifically make your breasts larger.
breastslarger
↓
562facc9-ecbb-4b0d-bf2a-b53cd82c4cba.gif
Watch the enzymes enlargify your breasts.
breastswatch
↓
9f58c0b7-0a4a-4bab-bcf4-d04196a4f372.gif
Wanna hear more about it? The science--
science
↓
1ecb1c72-300b-4075-8b2b-620f77f7caf9.gif
Aah!
↓
27c2fc9e-8b02-4492-b903-e4b01cd29306.gif
No nerds! Fight Milk!
fightfight-milkmilknerds
↓
f7be1d83-32e3-436f-83b6-32947cb088f6.gif
'Cause you're a stupid ring girl. It couldn't be simpler.
girlringsimplerstupid
↓
e63a9985-a0df-4b2a-962a-2d6e085d03f6.gif
Look, take it easy.
easy
↓
7cece405-b5b0-46ca-80e6-40e7ce4fcf83.gif
Basically, we're trying to expand our product to the world of UFC women,
expandproductwomenworld
↓
4768a832-3fb6-48e9-81f3-98fa8a10cb27.gif
and look, ring girls are the perfect combo.
combogirlsperfectring
↓
f6690d73-3936-4013-8a96-4c760db0fc81.gif
Yeah. Honestly, ladies,
ladies
↓
cb212437-51a0-463e-b33b-9227cb132108.gif
you could afford to lose a few pounds, maybe in this area.
affordarealosepounds
↓
8a72e6fc-67eb-4ac2-b7a9-f766c80b5404.gif
- Well... - Or here.
↓
6ae257ae-cb5a-4b44-b534-41703c28e521.gif
Really, between the three of you,
three
↓
2e38312e-9d76-459f-aa0d-a6da42365c21.gif
we could open up a bakery with all the muffin tops I'm seeing.
bakerymuffinopenseeingtops
↓
bc5e3647-dc87-4a29-9f01-8dd285fa49e7.gif
Now, Fight Milk will help you lose those unwanted pounds,
fightfight-milklosemilkpoundsunwanted
↓
5f5813c5-1e91-46d1-8a64-21ba352ff164.gif
so you don't have to resort to surgery, which could cause scarring,
resortsurgery
↓
fb8439c8-e01f-4318-a566-8a46f3ba2c9a.gif
and make you even less attractive to men than you already are.
attractiveless
↓
baeb058f-45c4-48e0-a05a-1e2f3ee355a2.gif
- I feel like-- - I'm sorry.
↓
680a45d5-6ab4-4977-bce8-3ad1da98acd0.gif
My friend has really weird women issues.
friendissuesweirdwomen
↓
7e8cd4d4-8e95-4e82-bcba-6740e9c9f1b8.gif
I didn't realize he brought a laser pointer.
broughtlaserpointerrealize
↓
77fdd5e5-4726-4702-a661-e9d101624af8.gif
The point is you guys could look even better if you drank Fight Milk.
drankfightfight-milkmilkpoint
↓
911d947a-7e97-47a1-a2d9-d5d1f453b9c5.gif
We're not into your weird diarrhea drink.
diarrheadrinkweird
↓
bcf9407c-5f03-440e-81ce-4a0759826d19.gif
Right. It's not a diarrhea drink. It's...
diarrheadrink
↓
f966adc0-1bf3-4d9b-b100-ebe677ba586c.gif
Charlie, this isn't the dream that I had for Fight Milk.
charliedreamfightfight-milkmilk
↓
7b522952-420a-434d-9d4f-fc325929cbe8.gif
No! We're not the diarrhea guys.
diarrhea
↓
7b2e60fd-8f45-4a95-ae60-ce0fa6d7fb23.gif
- No! - That's not what I wanna be.
↓
fe86c85f-61e1-44cc-afa2-33e3cadd0c93.gif
It's not for women! It was never made for women!
women
↓
b7826c67-20cf-4ef1-a50b-2293b067a811.gif
But it'd be great if women also drank it.
drankwomen
↓
2b251d8e-170b-4715-be49-a74b947dcdce.gif
The dream was to create a muscle-up energy drink
createdreamdrinkenergymuscle
↓
2328e955-153f-4f06-b4d7-64b31208290c.gif
that gave you the power to fight like a crow!
crowfightpower
↓
2257fe4a-5377-433c-97b5-7ddcb9d6dfca.gif
- Yes! - Men!
↓
1b48317a-e55f-405f-ab95-18a91e2a93fd.gif
Or women, but yes. But definitely crow-power fighting skills.
crowfightingpowerskillswomen
↓
44b55981-d626-433b-8322-d15afc1aecf5.gif
- Absolutely. - Either way,
absolutely
↓
918eb0bf-89f2-4019-817f-53f3916980e7.gif
I think we gotta get back to the lab.
↓
40bda1e1-3132-42f5-866a-2f5f4247a182.gif
I think we gotta get some more crows.
crows
↓
bc729d18-4bbb-4746-a306-b5742dc41428.gif
How you feeling? You've been pounding that new formula?
feelingformulapounding
↓
81b1771c-e017-4374-a943-2380aa9dd514.gif
I see you doing it.
↓
12e80f6a-af09-44e7-a52d-739083e3f469.gif
Yeah, and we're not doing so good, asshole,
asshole
↓
8eb84623-e7fa-47a1-85e8-7da1af5de5bf.gif
'cause nothing's coming out of me. My trash can's empty.
canscomingemptynothingstrashtrash-cans
↓
8cd0cde3-2510-4c29-8bb9-28106807913f.gif
We're scared to shit we ain't gonna make weight.
aintscaredweight
↓
ec414dd1-08b2-41b4-b187-eff1c5061d34.gif
- Guys, don't worry. - Don't worry.
worry
↓
827df451-b32e-4b0e-8fb1-10d137771076.gif
This is all a part of our two-step process, all right?
partprocessstep
↓
44730867-1487-4b92-bdaa-2c3dabd0fcf1.gif
Right now, you're crow loading.
crowloading
↓
83410ce7-a62d-4867-b918-67c70c4993e5.gif
You've drank about four or five entire crows,
crowsdrankentirefivefour
↓
b61c8c2e-551a-443f-a855-d148111e4ef7.gif
'cause I'm grinding one up for every bottle at this point.
bottlegrindingpoint
↓
0df5e7c0-2c81-47f6-becf-10acc4051505.gif
It's that crow enzyme that's jacking you up,
crowenzymejacking
↓
7d4ce60e-ae48-40cf-b97e-1de0b9a6ebab.gif
and that's why you look so beefy and so handsome.
beefyhandsome
↓
b229e56a-2049-4a8e-b880-c706556f71ec.gif
Then what will happen is you start drinking the Fight Milk Classic,
classicdrinkingfightfight-milkhappenmilkstartstart-drinking
↓
56cd72b4-f3b6-47c6-addb-a240aab3f547.gif
and that will make you really sick,
sick
↓
1b25314a-8650-47e0-8b84-47bb4a29d8ba.gif
'cause that's just the crow eggs and some fecal matter.
croweggsfecalfecal-mattermatter
↓
2ce9628f-8f14-4e31-a2bf-9db017d85aa8.gif
So, you start to puke and be fine for the weigh-in.
pukestartweigh
↓
f505921b-2c6c-4e50-ae5a-9047c0e514d4.gif
You'll be puking on your dick in no time.
dickpuking
↓
d2888f0f-a7de-491b-ba5a-bf679e3d4b86.gif
That one's real nasty. Don't worry. You'll make weight at the weigh-in.
nastyonesrealweighweightworry
↓
3df36020-9a9f-4b75-872d-c60d61d5e0a1.gif
All I know is, we don't make weight, I'm killing you both.
killingweight
↓
b3a17a31-015c-4f04-bd6e-67c1527b010a.gif
- Yeah. All right. - That's fine.
↓
67e6ced3-76db-4281-8872-80bc2c3d3ed1.gif
We're gonna be... We're good. All right, guys, go kick ass.
kick
↓
86c31a8e-1020-466b-928c-6f9d72acaf4a.gif
Remember, that's the nasty one. Drink that one. That one's got a real...
drinknastyonesrealremember
↓
40dd3c19-6330-44dc-8edc-c36af926178f.gif
All right, let's bring out the first fighter, Cub Swanson.
bringfighterswanson
↓
8b0300e7-8b0b-453f-ade5-04f000a8d337.gif
- We gotta get him on Fight Milk. - Yeah.
fightfight-milkmilk
↓
28edc11b-61c4-442b-9c41-3e6aed02bee1.gif
We gotta get him drinking it.
drinking
↓
cc204313-a686-442b-bbc0-1b0b0efbcc98.gif
Up next, the challenger, Donald "Cowboy" Cerrone.
cowboydonald
↓
be4ea46d-d1cd-4706-a5d7-a6ae6dae882a.gif
- Cowboy! - Yeah!
cowboy
↓
a3b4d3ae-7779-44cb-b3a2-c3a08e2d4dec.gif
Yes!
↓
bb97d6fb-5a19-4895-b61c-200734936d4b.gif
This is it, dude. If he makes weight,
makesweight
↓
bdf7ee75-a03d-499a-8c24-466adca9c8d2.gif
it's gonna change Fight Milk and our lives forever.
changefightfight-milkforeverliveslives-forevermilk
↓
2670c682-107c-4843-a87a-45823acb2ac1.gif
I know, but if he doesn't, we're bolting.
↓
6ab9aa19-dc48-4583-a62c-16891df4c9a8.gif
Yeah. I've already scoped out every single exit.
exitsingle
↓
b71fe82c-0983-41fa-8684-7f22df0313ee.gif
Cowboy! Cowboy! - 155.
cowboy
↓
7bafbee0-26f4-4bab-9d48-97b55493db9a.gif
Yes!
↓
b60c656a-9beb-4d09-9d3e-26e47367d038.gif
Yeah. We did it!
↓
8d4814ed-636b-407a-afe0-9653960493b1.gif
- We're gonna be rich! - We did it! Let's go.
rich
↓
cb59540e-8c3d-4f8c-9873-961670528e45.gif
Cowboy, how you feeling right now?
cowboyfeeling
↓
27c8e10d-5a4c-4e59-b479-d154e417e06e.gif
I'm feeling good. Ready to put on a show for all these guys.
feelingready
↓
0ea8bc40-a90d-446e-9d85-4255cebb7b3a.gif
What the hell is going on? Who are these guys?
↓
0bbf1533-b89a-445f-8ce3-826a1b9e6a41.gif
I'd like to take the opportunity to thank Fight Milk.
fightfight-milkmilkopportunity
↓
a32aaba9-7d08-470e-b482-000cd04371a7.gif
Yes, and thank you, Cowboy, and thank you, Megan.
cowboymegan
↓
f53388f0-8cbb-42df-b0b2-435f6d40be6c.gif
We'd like to take this opportunity to announce
announceopportunity
↓
12d249da-38a4-458c-9a1f-2cdbb9bec1b4.gif
that Fight Milk is now the official drink of the UFC.
drinkfightfight-milkmilkofficial
↓
d9686520-7bcc-416b-8735-5abe0b21f719.gif
- Now, if you're in-- - No, no.
↓
7e178cf9-592c-48f1-8f7c-9dc72a1f4b1a.gif
This is not the official drink of the UFC.
drinkofficial
↓
5c5dc0a2-43dc-4e4a-b18a-6a77964f9fab.gif
And I don't know who these guys are.
↓
4425bf44-561d-4c3d-9976-421f9a955673.gif
- Security, get these assholes out of here! - Fight Milk!
assholesfightfight-milkmilksecurity
↓
7020abda-2cf6-4af5-b709-da0db80f83ed.gif
Fight Milk! Fight Milk!
fightfight-milkfight-milk-fightmilkmilk-fightmilk-fight-milk
↓
0053df46-b859-4bfc-9fbc-d4e330d6428f.gif
Fight Milk! Fight Milk! Fight Milk!
fightfight-milkfight-milk-fightmilkmilk-fightmilk-fight-milk
↓
dd716dae-49d8-449e-bbfa-81caaee68c78.gif
Fight Milk! Fight Milk!
fightfight-milkfight-milk-fightmilkmilk-fightmilk-fight-milk
↓
2fb0cc80-d359-45ad-8b74-efdc9c33b516.gif
The nationwide hatred of Wolf Cola
colahatrednationwidewolfwolf-cola
↓
61423638-5be7-4fa6-a60b-04a102f36578.gif
continues to intensify on an hourly basis...
basiscontinues
↓
31a449c5-68f5-469c-bf35-e43dfbba88a2.gif
Holy shit. We're getting hammered worse than before.
hammeredholyworse
↓
6caeb303-acda-474b-9ba9-9ec34bbd328d.gif
Bye-bye, Frank's Fluids.
fluidsfranks
↓
8a4d5f94-1b49-40a6-ba96-dcdad9c840fe.gif
Turns out there are two things that can't be forgiven,
forgiventurns
↓
e1b0c36c-3bf3-4525-84e9-232d51635af7.gif
raping children and disliking dogs.
childrendogsraping
↓
52310b87-a03b-4d97-b2b1-3c9e31f873a8.gif
What will I do with all the merchandise?
merchandise
↓
5d1bc393-0231-41c1-ab7f-925cf6491905.gif
Throw it in the garbage, burn it. Who gives a shit?
burngarbagegivesthrow
↓
8f639d72-2426-420a-96a1-01af5deef78d.gif
We're done. Fight Milk shit the bed.
fightfight-milkmilk
↓
9f91bd2f-03e7-4810-863b-817794a728f1.gif
What happened?
happened
↓
382e2802-f602-4ee4-8f3f-721b65483419.gif
Breaking news from the sports world.
breakingbreaking-newsnewssportsworld
↓
40443bba-eef3-4ff1-b3d0-0e702be31ddc.gif
Fighters at a UFC event in Philly
eventfightersphilly
↓
19170262-15b5-4a54-bf1a-78ec098226ec.gif
tested positive for several banned substances,
bannedpositiveseveraltested
↓
033a0af2-67ec-4e12-8817-19e3e43d5099.gif
stemming from an energy drink called Fight Milk.
calleddrinkenergyfightfight-milkmilk
↓
e49d0d33-c61c-4648-a2c0-89a21a06ad6f.gif
We pumped it full of human growth hormone.
fullgrowthhumanpumped
↓
de0a6226-0862-411c-acb0-966170638370.gif
Just nothing else was working. It was just giving people diarrhea.
diarrheagivingworking
↓
fc64fe80-9498-4ec1-b93b-7dcbb873d602.gif
- Mm. - Ugh.
↓
fa8a7fc3-5b67-4e4a-9fc4-cb40a60cc85a.gif
Starting to become known as the official drink of the UFC,
becomedrinkknownofficialstarting
↓
81240117-4fa4-484e-8106-b249e556a658.gif
Holy shit. Holy shit.
holy
↓
9c4efc53-4ae4-4602-860f-1edf84713049.gif
- What? - Guys, this is good.
↓
863826aa-7346-4f2e-9865-97a3f953774e.gif
We're freed, and they are screwed.
freedscrewed
↓
95950596-a425-41ad-aeef-0f342bbc5eb0.gif
This is actually the one good thing about the 24-hour news cycle.
cyclehournews
↓
2bf5f4a5-39e6-4f51-86fd-cba8577fa6b7.gif
If you give it enough time, something new will come along
along
↓
f9c7a1c9-e346-4e0c-8918-b1355bd237b2.gif
to replace people's old outrage with new outrage.
outragepeoplesreplace
↓
cf9effd0-8f18-414b-affa-3a5ff032531d.gif
Goddamn it!
goddamngoddamn-it
↓
f008d048-3e91-42dc-9f26-07f07f828149.gif
- Start the clock. - Yeah.
clockstart