Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S07E01 — Frank's Pretty Woman

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 7, Episode 1 — Frank's Pretty Woman

Good morning. South Philadelphia Animal Shelter.

#1

⇓

Yes, hello. I would like to apply for an adoption, please.

#2

⇓

Uh, what are you guys talking about?

#3

⇓

We're adopting a dog-fighting pit bull.

#4

⇓

We're gonna keep it in the bar, all right?

#5

⇓

Well, why wasn't I consulted about this?

#6

⇓

Because last time we tried to get a junkyard dog,

#7

⇓

we wound up getting a junkyard cat,

#8

⇓

and that's exactly where you're gonna go with it.

#9

⇓

Yeah, because I don't want some goddamn snarling hellhound

#10

⇓

running around inside of our bar. Are you crazy?

#11

⇓

Look, we're going to rehabilitate the dog, okay?

#12

⇓

We don't want it to attack other dogs.

#13

⇓

Now we would like for it to attack people.

#14

⇓

- If it attacks a person, great. - Yeah.

#15

⇓

And, if the dog, or when the dog bites a customer,

#16

⇓

that person then can go home and have a great story for their friends.

#17

⇓

- It's a win-win for everybody. - Yeah, that's true, you know,

#18

⇓

You can be, like, "Dude, I got bit by a pit bull at a bar."

#19

⇓

- At Paddy's. It was awesome. - Awesome.

#20

⇓

And if you're an intruder, you should get bit by a pit bull.

#21

⇓

- I don't understand. - See, the biggest...

#22

⇓

Uh, how long do you think this process...

#23

⇓

...usually ta-it's just a dial tone now. She just hung up on me, for some reason.

#24

⇓

Come here. Come here.

#25

⇓

Gimme that. Gimme that. Gimme that.

#26

⇓

Wait for me in the back-back.

#27

⇓

Okay, babe.

#28

⇓

Hey, who's that?

#29

⇓

It's my new girlfriend. Roxy.

#30

⇓

Mmm. Now that woman seems like a prostitute.

#31

⇓

That's because she is.

#32

⇓

You're dating a prostitute?

#33

⇓

Not for long.

#34

⇓

I'm gonna make that whore my wife.

#35

⇓

Oh, yeah!

#36

⇓

- What the hell? - Oh, no.

#37

⇓

- Are they... - Oh, no.

#38

⇓

Yeah!

#39

⇓

- You did not just do that. - Oh, ho, ho.

#40

⇓

That broad is a live wire.

#41

⇓

Whoo!

#42

⇓

I'm goin' outside, 'cause this place is a shithole.

#43

⇓

What are you cocks lookin' at?

#44

⇓

Frank,

#45

⇓

that woman is unspeakably crass.

#46

⇓

You're gonna marry that, Frank?

#47

⇓

She's been my number-one girl for a long while now,

#48

⇓

but she's still plowing other dudes.

#49

⇓

In fact, Tiger Woods has been calling her lately.

#50

⇓

- No, no, no. Hey, bullshit. - That can't be the truth, right?

#51

⇓

There is no way that Tiger Woods is interested in that woman.

#52

⇓

Look, can't you find someone who loves you for who you are?

#53

⇓

- Well... - That woman's only in it for the money.

#54

⇓

Mmm-mmm. Let me stop you real quick.

#55

⇓

Someone love Frank for who he is?

#56

⇓

Come on. No. He's got a ton of good qualities.

#57

⇓

- No, not really. - Yes, he does.

#58

⇓

- I mean, like what... Like what? - Dude, the other day,

#59

⇓

we were hanging out under the bridge.

#60

⇓

We found a box of denim, and I'm like,

#61

⇓

"You know, these look like good jeans in here."

#62

⇓

And he's, like, "You want to split it with me, 50-50?"

#63

⇓

I mean, that's a nice thing to do.

#64

⇓

- I wanted you to have half of that denim. - He shared half the jeans.

#65

⇓

- I mean, we should... - Charlie. Charlie.

#66

⇓

Stop wearing clothes you find washing up under bridges.

#67

⇓

- Oh, they're boiled. Yeah, we boil... - Yeah.

#68

⇓

- We boil all our denim. - Oh, good.

#69

⇓

- Well, they're boiled, so... - Hey.

#70

⇓

Hey, you know, there is some dirty crack whore in the alley,

#71

⇓

blowing the busboy from the restaurant down the street.

#72

⇓

This is exactly why we need that dog.

#73

⇓

Let's get that dog.

#74

⇓

Mac, you look bad. Really, really bad.

#75

⇓

- What? - Yeah, is that your shirt or my shirt?

#76

⇓

- That's, like, way too small for you. - You look fat as shit.

#77

⇓

Okay, I'm getting... I'm getting very concerned

#78

⇓

with the integrity of our organization here.

#79

⇓

Mac, you have gained, I mean, 50 pounds of fat.

#80

⇓

- Mass. - Of fat.

#81

⇓

- Muscle. - Let's be clear. Fat.

#82

⇓

- It's fat. - Frank, you are talking

#83

⇓

about marrying hookers.

#84

⇓

This is ridiculous. What's going on with our group?

#85

⇓

- We're becoming the Gross Crew. - The Gross Crew?

#86

⇓

The Gross Crew, and I don't like that.

#87

⇓

- I don't want that, all right? - I don't want that.

#88

⇓

So, if we're gonna have this woman hanging around,

#89

⇓

then we gotta clean her up or something.

#90

⇓

I tell you what. What if we took a Pretty Woman

#91

⇓

- and threw it Roxy's way. - Hey...

#92

⇓

- A Pretty Woman? - Uh-huh.

#93

⇓

That was a bullshit movie. People don't change like that.

#94

⇓

People change, Frank. Look at me.

#95

⇓

I went from a tiny twink to the muscle-bound freak you see before you.

#96

⇓

- You're not helping my argument. - Okay, yeah. And if you're gonna chime in,

#97

⇓

please don't do it with a mouthful of burrito.

#98

⇓

- This is a chimichanga. - You are becoming a chimichanga!

#99

⇓

All right, all of you,

#100

⇓

I'm gonna give you all 24 hours to do whatever you have to do,

#101

⇓

but tomorrow night I am proposing to that dirty whore.

#102

⇓

This is gonna be a little bit harder than we thought.

#103

⇓

- This woman is a real piece of shit. - Uh-huh.

#104

⇓

Where's Frank?

#105

⇓

Don't worry about Frank, Roxy.

#106

⇓

Uh, we're here to help you turn your life around.

#107

⇓

See, a lot of times, the second act of someone's life

#108

⇓

- can be much better than the first. - Mmm-hmm.

#109

⇓

Well, yeah, we just want to make some changes in your life, Roxy.

#110

⇓

- Perhaps get you some new clothes. - Uh-huh.

#111

⇓

Uh, hopefully, teach you some manners.

#112

⇓

Shut up, baby dick.

#113

⇓

- All right. Well, I'm out of here. - No, no, no, no, no, no.

#114

⇓

- No, I... - Don't go. Don't go.

#115

⇓

- We haven't even started yet. Come on. - Come on. Frank was right.

#116

⇓

This woman cannot change. People don't just change.

#117

⇓

People change. She can change. I'm gonna change.

#118

⇓

What? You're gonna change? What the hell are you talking about?

#119

⇓

Well, I'm gearing up to get into my second act, you know?

#120

⇓

That's very exciting for me, and I'd like to help Roxy

#121

⇓

- do the same thing, that's all. - No. No, no, Dee...

#122

⇓

- Aw, really? - What?

#123

⇓

- No, you're already in your second act. - Me?

#124

⇓

Yeah. We're all in our second acts. Don't you see that?

#125

⇓

And I, for one, I don't want things to change.

#126

⇓

I want them to stay the way they were, because my first act was awesome.

#127

⇓

See, your first act was shit,

#128

⇓

and that's why you're so desperate for things to be different.

#129

⇓

But they rarely ever do get different.

#130

⇓

If anything, God, they get worse. I mean, look at Mac.

#131

⇓

- I got salsa on my shirt. - He got salsa on his shirt.

#132

⇓

Okay. Here's how things need to go from here on out.

#133

⇓

You gotta deal with this woman, because I can't handle it. All right?

#134

⇓

She made things personal, and I won't stand for that.

#135

⇓

Somebody needs to take care of Mac, and that's gonna be me,

#136

⇓

because his fatness is starting to affect our entire crew.

#137

⇓

- Mmm-hmm. - So I'm gonna take him with me,

#138

⇓

because the man is carrying around trash bags filled with Mexican foods.

#139

⇓

What's that smell?

#140

⇓

Crack.

#141

⇓

- That is crack rock. - Mmm-hmm.

#142

⇓

- She's smoking crack. - Oh, she's smoking crack.

#143

⇓

Okay, she's smoking crack.

#144

⇓

This is no longer a safe environment for me.

#145

⇓

- Mmm-hmm. - Mac, let's go. Come on.

#146

⇓

I gotta get out of here. Whew.

#147

⇓

I got a really good thing going with Roxy. She's a sweet bitch.

#148

⇓

Yeah, but she's mean.

#149

⇓

Dude, she's definitely only into you for the money.

#150

⇓

Well, so? Barbara was only into me for the money.

#151

⇓

Yeah, but you deserve better than that, man.

#152

⇓

Look, I'm already on it, okay?

#153

⇓

I signed you up on a dating website. I got you a date, dude.

#154

⇓

- Yeah? - Check it out though.

#155

⇓

I got a little twist on this date.

#156

⇓

This girl does think she's meeting a millionaire.

#157

⇓

Why'd you say that, Charlie? That... Defeats the purpose.

#158

⇓

Well... I'm gonna be the millionaire.

#159

⇓

- Oh. Explain. - All right, check it out.

#160

⇓

You're gonna play my limo driver, right?

#161

⇓

You're just like a regular working stiff to this girl.

#162

⇓

She doesn't think you're a millionaire. Okay?

#163

⇓

Then we're out on the date and I'm like,

#164

⇓

"Oh, I don't... I don't feel very well. I gotta go home.

#165

⇓

"But let's not waste this date.

#166

⇓

"Why don't you finish the date with my limo driver?"

#167

⇓

- You know what I mean? - Smart, Charlie.

#168

⇓

I mean, yeah, she's not gonna be able to resist an opportunity like that.

#169

⇓

- A night with a limo driver? - This is a good idea.

#170

⇓

- Right? - I wanna give it a whirl.

#171

⇓

- All right, man. - All right, Charlie.

#172

⇓

Oh, here. I think these are done.

#173

⇓

- That first one's done? All right. - Yeah, this batch is done.

#174

⇓

Just get 'em out. Get 'em out. Whoo, baby!

#175

⇓

Whoa! I burned myself on a rivet.

#176

⇓

Yeah.

#177

⇓

Mac, these blood tests are gonna show you

#178

⇓

the damage that you've been doing to your body,

#179

⇓

and my hope is that it will incentivize you

#180

⇓

to finally lose some of this disgusting weight you've put on.

#181

⇓

This is ridiculous, dude, okay?

#182

⇓

We're getting older. We're not gonna look 20 forever.

#183

⇓

No, I am gonna look 20 forever, Mac,

#184

⇓

because the older I get, the more vigilant I become.

#185

⇓

All right, I don't eat lunch anymore, for instance.

#186

⇓

Yeah, and on odd days, I don't eat breakfast.

#187

⇓

- That sounds miserable. - No, dude, it's not miserable.

#188

⇓

Well, yeah, it is a little bit miserable, but it has to be, man.

#189

⇓

No pain, no gain. I am also constantly in motion.

#190

⇓

Like, right now, dude, I am doing leg lifts that are

#191

⇓

imperceptible to the human eye.

#192

⇓

I call 'em hummingbirds.

#193

⇓

And although I seem relaxed, I'm actually incredibly tense at all times.

#194

⇓

Dude, we've been through this, okay?

#195

⇓

- I'm cultivating mass. - Stop staying that.

#196

⇓

You are not cultivating mass, and if you are,

#197

⇓

stop cultivating and start harvesting.

#198

⇓

Bro, check this out. Try to move me.

#199

⇓

- Well, I'm not gonna try... - Try and move me, bro.

#200

⇓

Take a running start. Take a running start.

#201

⇓

Excuse me.

#202

⇓

Did you want me to read these test results or not?

#203

⇓

Yeah. I was just trying to... Trying to move him.

#204

⇓

- He's like a brick wall. - You try to move me, Doc.

#205

⇓

No, no, no, you're... read the results, Doc.

#206

⇓

Well, I see, uh, severe dehydration here,

#207

⇓

multiple vitamin deficiencies, anemia, low blood pressure.

#208

⇓

Ooh. Mac, look, I don't want you to fret, okay?

#209

⇓

I'm gonna get you on my exercise program.

#210

⇓

- I'm gonna get you fit as a fiddle. - These are...

#211

⇓

These are your results, Mr. Reynolds.

#212

⇓

What? No, those can't be my results.

#213

⇓

I'm healthy as shit.

#214

⇓

Well, uh, not according to your tests.

#215

⇓

I'm healthier than you, bro.

#216

⇓

Well, I wouldn't exactly say you're healthy.

#217

⇓

You have type 2 adult-onset diabetes.

#218

⇓

Type 2 adult-onset diabetes?

#219

⇓

What does that mean for me?

#220

⇓

Well, that means you're going to have to inject yourself

#221

⇓

several times a day with insulin,

#222

⇓

or else you probably need to think about losing a little weight.

#223

⇓

Whoa.

#224

⇓

- But I'm healthy besides the diabetes? - Um, no.

#225

⇓

But I'm more healthier than he is,

#226

⇓

I think is the point that you're trying to make.

#227

⇓

- Even with the diabetes. I am more... - Dude, stop saying "diabetes."

#228

⇓

You sound like an ass...

#229

⇓

You okay, dude?

#230

⇓

I'm fine. I've just, uh...

#231

⇓

been doing a lot of hummingbirds today. I'm good.

#232

⇓

- Have you eaten anything today? - No.

#233

⇓

All right. Let's get out of here, bro.

#234

⇓

I'm going to get you something to eat.

#235

⇓

- Okay... - I'm gonna lift you up.

#236

⇓

Lift me up! What the hell?

#237

⇓

I'm not as strong as I thought, Dennis.

#238

⇓

Okay, I've hurt my back.

#239

⇓

- Oh! - I'm shit-faced.

#240

⇓

Yeah, well, you downed that bottle of schnapps like it was a soda pop.

#241

⇓

Look, Roxy, I'm trying to give you a second chance here,

#242

⇓

- but you're making it very difficult. - Hey, this jacket is awesome!

#243

⇓

Ooh, and it's tighter than dick skin, man.

#244

⇓

Can you watch your language, please, Roxy?

#245

⇓

We are in a classy place with classy clothes for classy people, okay?

#246

⇓

Don't talk about dick skin.

#247

⇓

Hi. Can I help you with something?

#248

⇓

No, thank you. We're just trying some stuff on.

#249

⇓

Um, okay.

#250

⇓

Well, you are aware that jacket is $500?

#251

⇓

- Are you implying we can't afford that? - Can you?

#252

⇓

- That's none of your business. - Um, it's exactly my business.

#253

⇓

- Uh... - Excuse me.

#254

⇓

- Screw your dick-skin jacket, man. - Oh, no, no, no!

#255

⇓

No, no! Roxy. Roxy. Oh, God, don't do that.

#256

⇓

- How do you like me now, gay boy? - Well, no... Okay. Don't call him gay,

#257

⇓

'cause it'd be one thing if he wasn't, but he clearly is,

#258

⇓

- so... - Is there a problem?

#259

⇓

- Yeah, there's a problem, man. - No.

#260

⇓

I'm trying to buy this coat, and this asshole here is giving me shit.

#261

⇓

You are aware of the price?

#262

⇓

Well, yeah. 'Cause I have money.

#263

⇓

Oh, shit!

#264

⇓

Jerry, can I speak with you

#265

⇓

in my office, please?

#266

⇓

- You have got to be kidding me. - Ooh, boom!

#267

⇓

Face, Jerry! Face. Take a hike.

#268

⇓

Sorry about the gay stuff. That did cross a line.

#269

⇓

Jerry, please? My office.

#270

⇓

Roxy!

#271

⇓

Holy shit! That was amazing.

#272

⇓

You humiliated that salesman, and then you had the capital to back it up.

#273

⇓

I love you, Roxy.

#274

⇓

- Ooh, I gotta meet a client. - No, no, no, Roxy.

#275

⇓

You don't have to do that anymore. You know what?

#276

⇓

We should go find Frank, 'cause he's got a surprise for you.

#277

⇓

No, it's Tiger Woods.

#278

⇓

It's Tiger Woods?

#279

⇓

Yeah.

#280

⇓

Okay, this whole thing is blowing my mind.

#281

⇓

Your life is way more glamorous than what I was picturing.

#282

⇓

Yeah, yeah.

#283

⇓

Now, help me dig these crack rocks out of my ass.

#284

⇓

- That's what I was picturing. - Yeah.

#285

⇓

That's more like what I was picturing.

#286

⇓

Charlie, I feel like a sack of shit

#287

⇓

- in this thing. - You look good.

#288

⇓

I feel like I'm a four-year-old going to my sister's wedding.

#289

⇓

You're the limo driver. You got to look the part, bud.

#290

⇓

You don't look like a millionaire.

#291

⇓

I am a casual millionaire from Texas.

#292

⇓

- Frank... - You look like a farmer.

#293

⇓

...I got the whole thing worked out. Now listen to me.

#294

⇓

We go out on the date. I come down with a slight cough.

#295

⇓

Okay? I ask to be taken home.

#296

⇓

You take over. You charm the hell out of her.

#297

⇓

I'm so nervous.

#298

⇓

You know how long it's been since I've been with a non-pro?

#299

⇓

Will you relax?

#300

⇓

Oh. Hello.

#301

⇓

Tarnation!

#302

⇓

You look as pretty as a peach.

#303

⇓

Yes, you do.

#304

⇓

Hoss Bonaventure, C.E.O.

#305

⇓

- Uh, this here is my limo driver, Frank. - Hi.

#306

⇓

Now he's the finest driver in all the land,

#307

⇓

so you gonna get on just fine with him.

#308

⇓

- Hi. - Uh, hand down. Only say hello once.

#309

⇓

He's nervous.

#310

⇓

All right, well, let's... Let's... Let's do this thing.

#311

⇓

Get your stuff and giddy on up.

#312

⇓

Calm down. You're gonna be good.

#313

⇓

All right.

#314

⇓

Said, "hey good looking"

#315

⇓

So, uh, how did you make your fortune?

#316

⇓

Hmm? Oh, uh...

#317

⇓

Well, uh, a-hustlin' and a-wrestlin'.

#318

⇓

Uh, you know, this and that.

#319

⇓

Uh, made a decent penny in boiled denims...

#320

⇓

And, uh, the bridge business mostly.

#321

⇓

Uh, oh, Frank up there, though, now, that man is rich in spirit.

#322

⇓

He's rich in "caricature."

#323

⇓

Uh, and that's a true fortune, if you're asking me, to have that.

#324

⇓

- So you build bridges? - Um, uh...

#325

⇓

- I'm kind of into bridges myself. - Yeah.

#326

⇓

I found a whole case of eggs under a bridge last week.

#327

⇓

Perfect condition.

#328

⇓

None of them missing. None of them cracked.

#329

⇓

I mean, who in their right mind

#330

⇓

throws away a perfectly good case of eggs, this day and age?

#331

⇓

It's a sick world, don't you think?

#332

⇓

Ah, he's good with the conversation and...

#333

⇓

Excuse me. Excuse me.

#334

⇓

I believe I'm coming down with a bit of something here.

#335

⇓

I got bit by a crab under that same bridge.

#336

⇓

- Oh, did you? - Yeah.

#337

⇓

You ever been bit by a crab, hon?

#338

⇓

Can we maybe put this divider up?

#339

⇓

Well, no. We don't want to exclude a great man like Frank from the conver...

#340

⇓

Oh, my God!

#341

⇓

- Call 911. - No, it's okay.

#342

⇓

I have a touch of consumption.

#343

⇓

He's all right. Why don't we drop him off?

#344

⇓

You and I will go to dinner, okay?

#345

⇓

Oh! I think I've been poisoned by my constituents.

#346

⇓

Oh, my God!

#347

⇓

Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time?

#348

⇓

Yeah, he's got an egg. You might...

#349

⇓

Here. I'll pull over, okay?

#350

⇓

You... You two can go to dinner together.

#351

⇓

Help me, somebody! Please, help me!

#352

⇓

Aw, shit, Charlie.

#353

⇓

What the hell went on back there?

#354

⇓

Uh, I swallowed, like, a million blood "capsulates..."

#355

⇓

'Cause I was gonna cough, like, you know, a handful of blood to make it real.

#356

⇓

And now I'm thinking, like, you're not supposed to eat them or something,

#357

⇓

'cause they're making me really sick.

#358

⇓

Aw, Charlie, you blew it.

#359

⇓

You're the one talking about eggs and crabs and shit.

#360

⇓

- I love eggs, Charlie. - I like eggs.

#361

⇓

- And I love crabs. - I like crabs.

#362

⇓

And I love boiling denim

#363

⇓

- and banging whores. - I love boiling... well.

#364

⇓

And I don't care if anybody doesn't like that about me.

#365

⇓

- They don't have to stick around. - You're right.

#366

⇓

- What's wrong with that chick? - Screw 'em.

#367

⇓

- I miss Roxy. - Yeah.

#368

⇓

- Roxy and I are made for each other. - Yeah.

#369

⇓

Tell you what, if it's Roxy you want...

#370

⇓

God.

#371

⇓

That's the last of it, I think.

#372

⇓

Tiger Woods? I cannot believe you invited him over here, Roxy.

#373

⇓

My place is a mess.

#374

⇓

Oh, he's here.

#375

⇓

Are you ready? I'm ready. I'm very excited.

#376

⇓

- Hello. - Who are you?

#377

⇓

Tiger Woods.

#378

⇓

- Hey, Tiger. - Hey, girl.

#379

⇓

- You brought a friend? - Yeah.

#380

⇓

- Good. I like that. - Mmm-hmm.

#381

⇓

- So, you ready to do this? - I know who you are.

#382

⇓

Of course you do, honey. I'm very famous.

#383

⇓

No, no, no, no, no. Hold on a second.

#384

⇓

Roxy, this is not Tiger Woods.

#385

⇓

- What are you talking about? - I think this guy's an actor.

#386

⇓

He definitely pretended to be Donovan McNabb one time

#387

⇓

when I tried out for the Eagles.

#388

⇓

Donovan McNabb? Eagles?

#389

⇓

I don't know what she's talking about. I play golf.

#390

⇓

Okay, Roxy, see, this is exactly why you gotta stop doing this shit.

#391

⇓

And, sir, seriously?

#392

⇓

Okay, all right. All right, I'm sorry.

#393

⇓

You got me, all right? I'm busted.

#394

⇓

I am an actor. My name is Don Cheadle.

#395

⇓

No, you're not Don... What are you doing? What's going on?

#396

⇓

I don't care who he is if he pays me 500 bucks to rub my feet.

#397

⇓

- Did you say 500 bucks? - Mmm-hmm.

#398

⇓

- To rub your feet? - Mmm-hmm.

#399

⇓

- You don't have sex with him? - Mm-mm-mmm.

#400

⇓

I'm into foot shit.

#401

⇓

Interesting.

#402

⇓

What shoe size are you, by the way?

#403

⇓

Hey! Your feet are bizarrely huge.

#404

⇓

Man will go crazy for that.

#405

⇓

I don't care for how you describe them, but what are we talking here?

#406

⇓

- What kind of money are we talking? - Uh, well, I don't know.

#407

⇓

Maybe we could pop those boots off and kick it around a bit.

#408

⇓

Well, it never hurts to talk, does it?

#409

⇓

Just do it.

#410

⇓

That's... He's cute.

#411

⇓

- Oh, God. - Chimichanga, chimichanga...

#412

⇓

- Mac... - Chimichanga, chimichanga, chimichanga.

#413

⇓

- Chimichangas are delicious. - I told you, dude.

#414

⇓

- So good. Oh! - I told you.

#415

⇓

Why would you not want to eat one of these every day of your life?

#416

⇓

- Oh, my God. - I mean, they're delicious.

#417

⇓

They're full of carbs, which is great for a pump,

#418

⇓

- and they're cheap as shit. - Oh.

#419

⇓

- Hence the garbage bags filled with them. - Exactly. No restrictions.

#420

⇓

- No restrictions, dude. - No restrictions.

#421

⇓

Oh, I love this no-restrictions thing, man.

#422

⇓

In that vein, I want you to take a look at that chimichanga.

#423

⇓

I want you to say to yourself, "Chimichanga, you are delicious,

#424

⇓

- "but what do I really want?" - Do I really want?

#425

⇓

What do you want more than anything else in the entire world?

#426

⇓

What do I want more than anything else in this entire world?

#427

⇓

Yes.

#428

⇓

- Crack. - Oh.

#429

⇓

I thought you were gonna say pizza or...

#430

⇓

- Yeah. No, no, no. - Buffalo wings or something.

#431

⇓

- You want crack? - Yeah, crack cocaine.

#432

⇓

- Now, I've never had crack. - Dude, you are going to love it.

#433

⇓

- I am? - It's so good.

#434

⇓

- Let's do it. - Let's do it.

#435

⇓

- No restrictions, baby. No restrictions. - No restrictions.

#436

⇓

Aw, man, this is gonna be awesome, dude.

#437

⇓

- Do you want some insulin? - Oh, shit.

#438

⇓

Yo.

#439

⇓

Uh-huh.

#440

⇓

You did what now?

#441

⇓

Oh, she is?

#442

⇓

I don't get it, but I don't need to.

#443

⇓

Okay, we'll see you there. Okay, bye.

#444

⇓

Um, dude, so apparently,

#445

⇓

Charlie just puked blood all over some lady in a limousine,

#446

⇓

and Dee is sucking off Don Cheadle or something.

#447

⇓

And Frank wants to go ahead and get married to Roxy as soon as possible.

#448

⇓

So we gotta fire down there. Dude, we can get crack from Roxy.

#449

⇓

Let's get crack from Roxy.

#450

⇓

Okay, perfect. Now do you want some of this insulin?

#451

⇓

- No, I just want crack. - Okay, we'll get down there.

#452

⇓

And on the way, let's fire down to John Wanamaker's

#453

⇓

and get ourselves a couple of Tommy Bahama shirts.

#454

⇓

Are you familiar?

#455

⇓

Yeah. See what you mean about these shirts, bro.

#456

⇓

- Yeah. - You'll grow into yours, buddy.

#457

⇓

Yeah. Comfy as shit. They hide your fatness.

#458

⇓

They're ugly as all hell, but I have a feeling

#459

⇓

I'm gonna like 'em a lot more when I'm high as shit on crack.

#460

⇓

What's up, ass-dicks?

#461

⇓

"Ass-dicks?" Is that how you're gonna talk from now on?

#462

⇓

Look. I'm not taking no shit no more, so get used to it.

#463

⇓

Also, I'm gonna become a foot girl.

#464

⇓

All right, gross. Whatever. Frank, you ready?

#465

⇓

- Oh, yeah. - I'm ready.

#466

⇓

Okay, Roxy, Frank would like to say a few words.

#467

⇓

- Everybody. - Gather round.

#468

⇓

- Roxy. - Frank.

#469

⇓

You are good shit,

#470

⇓

and I want to make this legit.

#471

⇓

I'm still gonna pay you,

#472

⇓

but I want you to stop banging other guys.

#473

⇓

What do you say? Want to be my wife or what?

#474

⇓

Holy shit.

#475

⇓

- Oh, my God. Oh, my... - Uh. Ooh.

#476

⇓

- Whoops. - Christ!

#477

⇓

No, it's okay. She does this from time to time.

#478

⇓

She's had an excessive amount to drink, so...

#479

⇓

Okay. Well, Roxy, get up. Come on.

#480

⇓

- Roxy. - Come on, Roxy.

#481

⇓

Big day for Frank here.

#482

⇓

We don't have a ton of time, Rox. Get up!

#483

⇓

The bitch is dead.

#484

⇓

How could she be dead?

#485

⇓

I'm telling you, her heart popped.

#486

⇓

She was smoking crack in the car the whole way here and also all day long.

#487

⇓

- She got no pulse. - Oh, my God.

#488

⇓

- Holy shit. - Call 911.

#489

⇓

- Call an ambulance. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

#490

⇓

- No, no, no. No, no, no. - Whoa, whoa. What?

#491

⇓

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

#492

⇓

We gotta think this through, okay?

#493

⇓

Dead hooker in my apartment?

#494

⇓

That doesn't look good for me. I'm covered in blood.

#495

⇓

I mean, it's not good to have a dead hooker, right?

#496

⇓

It would mess up our second acts a little bit.

#497

⇓

I'll tell you guys something, I smoked a little crack in the car on the way over.

#498

⇓

Oh, you bitch. Oh, does she still have any?

#499

⇓

- Yeah, yeah. - We can't leave her here.

#500

⇓

No, no, no. We can't leave her here.

#501

⇓

- Um... - Um...

#502

⇓

- Let's, uh... - Oh, God.

#503

⇓

Okay, well, I mean,

#504

⇓

I don't want to sound insensitive, but we could just put her out in the hall.

#505

⇓

We call in an anonymous tip.

#506

⇓

- Someone finds her. - So we're still calling 911...

#507

⇓

- Someone finds her and throws her away. - Just from a pay phone.

#508

⇓

This seems like the best thing to do,

#509

⇓

considering the circumstances. Frank, what do you think?

#510

⇓

I think Roxy would have wanted it that way.

#511

⇓

- He would know. - Well, there you go.

#512

⇓

- Frank would know. - I mean, that's it.

#513

⇓

- Yeah. - Can I say a few words?

#514

⇓

- Oh, I don't know. - Make it nice.

#515

⇓

- Let's make the whole thing nice. - Really?

#516

⇓

Uh, I just want to get her out of here.

#517

⇓

Oh, nice.

#518

⇓

Roxy, God bless you.

#519

⇓

You were a good whore.

#520

⇓

You serviced me like no other whore ever did.

#521

⇓

Uh, not only my crank, but my heart.

#522

⇓

And... I'm gonna miss ya.

#523

⇓

Amen.

#524

⇓

So should we get the dead whore out of the apartment?

#525

⇓

- Yeah. - Yeah, like outta here.

#526

⇓