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Home » Silicon Valley » S04E04 — Teambuilding Exercise

Silicon Valley

Season 4, Episode 4 — Teambuilding Exercise

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: Teambuilding Exercise

Air date: May 14, 2017

Director: Jamie Babbit

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew

When Richard reaches out to an unlikely ally, Jared worries about the company he's keeping. Gilfoyle gets tough on security in the wake of Dinesh's latest dalliance; later, he considers whether to put his pride aside for a job. Concerned about Jian-Yang's commitment to his app, Erlich takes matters into his own hands.

Source: TMDB

↓

I know it's the middle of the night.

middle night

↓

I really just need five minutes of your time.

five five-minutes minutes

↓

Okay.

↓

Holy shit. What happened?

happened holy

↓

I was working through some issues.

issues working

↓

Mind the glass.

glass mind

↓

What the fuck is this?

fuck

↓

It's a license...

license

↓

for your peer-to-peer computer communication patent.

communication computer patent peer

↓

It's... It's very standard stuff.

standard stuff

↓

Essentially, in exchange for your patent,

essentially exchange patent

↓

you would get a royalty and equity

royalty

↓

in the new company that I'm starting up.

company starting

↓

So if you just, uh,

↓

sign there by the Post-It note,

note post sign

↓

and I will take it and leave, and you will never see me again.

↓

Are you joking?

joking

↓

Uh, well, I guess we could hang out.

hang

↓

Richard, stop talking.

richard

↓

I was just ousted from my own company,

company

↓

a company I built from the ground up.

built company ground

↓

My legacy is in ashes.

ashes legacy

↓

Oh. Come on, I wouldn't... I wouldn't say that.

↓

Well, The Wall Street Journal said that.

journal street wall

↓

I lost everything because of something you did,

lost

↓

and you're here at 3:00 a.m. asking me for a favor?

asking favor

↓

Really? You're a mean person, Richard. Do you know that?

person richard

↓

You are a bad guy.

↓

No. No, no, no. I wouldn't say that.

↓

I think, maybe, what's happening is that you're just not understanding

understanding

↓

the technology I'm trying to build here.

build technology

↓

Oh, so now I'm stupid, too?

stupid

↓

I know what the technology is, Richard.

richard technology

↓

I have a patent on it.

patent

↓

What the fuck is a matter with you?

fuck matter

↓

So you're not gonna sign it?

sign

↓

No, I'm not gonna sign this!

sign

↓

Jesus! You're a fucking sadist, you know that?

fucking jesus

↓

You're demented!

demented

↓

I'm almost tempted to let you have a run at it

tempted

↓

just to watch you waste your fucking time.

fucking waste watch

↓

This technology did not work when Peter theorized it,

peter technology

↓

and it doesn't work now.

↓

It-It, um... It actually does work now.

↓

- It does. - Oh, really?

↓

When did the laws of physics change?

change laws physics

↓

When I exceeded the theoretical limit of compression at TechCrunch.

exceeded limit

↓

- You were there. - I know I was there!

↓

Thank you for bringing up that very painful memory!

bringing memory painful

↓

Okay.

↓

Can I... Can I just...

↓

- What? - draw on this?

draw

↓

Sure, why not? It's shattered, just like I am.

shattered

↓

I read Peter's notes, all of them,

notes peters read

↓

and he knew that a peer-to-peer Internet was possible in the future,

future internet peer possible

↓

but he was also basing that on,

↓

what, old desktop computers.

computers

↓

He never, ever foresaw the ubiquity or power

power

↓

of all of our modern-day smartphones.

modern

↓

He was also dealing with a completely different Weissman limit.

completely dealing limit

↓

So... uh, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

↓

What is that? Is that number correct?

correct number

↓

The delta in mean device efficiency?

device

↓

Yeah, it is.

↓

See, eventually, over time,

eventually

↓

this will render every server

server

↓

that Hooli operates obsolete,

operates

↓

which would make Jack Barker shit himself.

jack

↓

- Holy shit! - You know what?

holy

↓

Actually, I'm gonna...

↓

Welcome to the future, Gavin.

future welcome

↓

Whoa! Oh, no. Oh, no.

whoa

↓

- Son of a bitch! - I... I'm sorry.

bitch

↓

Wow, Dinesh, this front-end design looks great.

design front

↓

- Thank you. - Nice work.

↓

What's in that?

↓

That is a burrito for the test.

burrito test

↓

- Good to know. - Oh.

↓

Let him have it. Gilfoyle thought

↓

he was too good to work on SeeFood,

↓

and now he's about to lose a fortune.

fortune lose

↓

Okay. Ready for test.

ready test

↓

After you, milady.

↓

Oh, this is weird. Mia just texted me "Good luck with the demo."

demo luck texted weird

↓

Did any of you guys tell her about this?

↓

Your hacker girlfriend wouldn't happen to know

girlfriend hacker happen

↓

the model of our router, would she?

model

↓

Yeah, actually, she... complimented your choice.

choice

↓

Why didn't you say anything?

↓

Why would I tell you she said something nice about you?

↓

Damn it.

↓

We have to assume she's everywhere.

assume

↓

Okay. It's ready.

ready

↓

Please, God.

↓

What would you say if I told you there is an app on the ma...

↓

We're past that part! Just demo it.

demo part past

↓

Okay. Let's start with a hot dog.

start

↓

Oh shit.

↓

- Yes! Oh! - It works.

works

↓

- Motherfuck! - Huzzah!

huzzah

↓

Jian-Yang, my beautiful little Asiatic friend,

friend yang

↓

I'm going to buy you the palapa of your life.

life

↓

We will have 12 posts, braided palm leaves.

braided leaves palm posts

↓

You'll never feel exposed again.

exposed

↓

I'm gonna be rich.

rich

↓

Fuck you, Gilfoyle.

fuck

↓

- Do pizza. - Yes, do pizza.

pizza

↓

- Yeah. - Do pizza.

pizza

↓

Pizza.

pizza

↓

"Not hot dog"?

↓

- Wait. What the fuck? - Huh?

fuck

↓

That's... that's it?

↓

It only does hot dogs?

dogs

↓

No, and "not hot dog."

↓

Give me that. Give it to me.

↓

_

↓

Jian-Yang. Motherfuck.

yang

↓

I gave you the ability to spin gold,

ability gold spin

↓

and instead, you've spun pubic hair

hair spun

↓

- with shit in it, and gravel and corn... - Hold on, hold on.

corn

↓

Jian-Yang's actually put together a pretty good classifier.

↓

You know? I mean, the core tech is valid.

core tech valid

↓

It just... It just needs to be trained.

needs trained

↓

So, what he did for hot dogs,

dogs

↓

he needs to repeat for every food in existence?

existence food needs repeat

↓

No, that's very boring work.

boring

↓

That's scraping the Internet for thousands of food pictures.

food internet pictures scraping thousands

↓

You can... you can hire someone else.

hire

↓

We can't, because we just spent

spent

↓

a big fat stack of cash on little Dinesh over here.

cash stack

↓

And there are other expenses...

expenses

↓

legal, marketing, operating fees,

legal marketing operating

↓

those goddamn AWS charges.

charges goddamn

↓

Fucking Bezos.

fucking

↓

And so, we do not have the funds

funds

↓

to hire scut workers to do your scraping for you.

hire scraping workers

↓

And thus, you will scrape the Internet.

internet scrape

↓

You and you alone.

alone

↓

I'm sorry, the time to back out was before you signed the term sheet.

sheet signed term

↓

I'm gonna tell Laurie that this was a smashing success.

laurie smashing success

↓

Go make it one.

↓

Erlich was right. You are a white witch.

white witch

↓

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

↓

Oh.

↓

Good. Yes, you are all here.

↓

Um, I think it's probably time we all had a chat.

chat

↓

About what?

↓

Well, I'm pretty sure you're all...

↓

wondering where I've been.

wondering

↓

You were gone?

gone

↓

Yes, I was gone all week.

gone week

↓

I saw you come out of the shower yesterday.

shower yesterday

↓

Okay. Well, obviously, I've been sleeping here at night,

night obviously sleeping

↓

but I've been gone during the day.

gone

↓

Pretty sure that shower was in the morning.

morning shower

↓

That's part of the day, Richard.

part richard

↓

Okay, Gilfoyle, I-I... I've been sleeping here at night,

night sleeping

↓

and then I've been here for some mornings,

mornings

↓

but I'm... I've left the house during the day.

house left

↓

We all leave the house during the day, Richard.

house richard

↓

That's not weird.

weird

↓

I went to get coffee this morning.

coffee morning

↓

Yeah, I went to the dispensary,

↓

and then I'd smoked the weed before I got home,

home smoked weed

↓

so I went back to the dispensary.

↓

You know what?

↓

I just realized I haven't left the house in six days.

days house left realized

↓

Now that's worth exploring.

worth

↓

Okay, I get it. Look.

↓

Every day this week, I have been...

week

↓

- at Gavin Belson's house. - What?

house

↓

Gavin has offered to go into business together.

business offered

↓

But, look, I just came there for the patent,

patent

↓

and he was the one who wanted to be full partners.

full partners wanted

↓

What did you say?

↓

We talked about it, and we agreed

agreed talked

↓

that it would be the best thing to do.

best

↓

Oh, good Lord. Richard... no.

lord richard

↓

Guys, look, I have the patent.

patent

↓

I also have funding

funding

↓

and real, genuine insight to the whole thing.

genuine insight real whole

↓

Let's not forget here that Gavin is

forget

↓

a co-founder of a bajillion-dollar tech company.

company dollar founder tech tech-company

↓

Are you out of your fucking mind?

fucking mind

↓

When you don the skin of the beast, the man within dies.

beast dies skin

↓

What is that? Nietzsche?

↓

One of the boys at my group home always said that.

boys group home

↓

He died.

died

↓

You're not pulling Dinesh off SeeFood.

pulling

↓

And I am not leaving SeeFood

leaving

↓

to go work for Gavin fucking Belson.

fucking

↓

- I'm not asking you to. - You're not?

asking

↓

Guys, do you not remember the last time we talked

remember talked

↓

about us all working with Gavin Belson?

working

↓

Gilfoyle, you told me to chortle your balls,

balls

↓

and everybody else walked out of the room.

everybody room walked

↓

I know how much you hate him,

hate

↓

which is exactly why I told Gavin if we were gonna do this thing,

↓

that you guys wouldn't be coming with.

coming

↓

So we have hired a recruiter to...

hired

↓

find people to replace you guys.

replace

↓

Even me?

↓

Uh, well, no.

↓

You don't really need to be replaced.

replaced

↓

True, I can't be replaced.

replaced

↓

Well, when you left video chat,

chat left video

↓

you did keep the rights to the algorithm, so...

algorithm rights

↓

I mean, it's weird,

weird

↓

but I guess it's really none of our business.

business

↓

It's my fucking business. I now own ten percent...

business fucking percent

↓

Five percent, actually.

five percent

↓

- What? - Ten percent of my half

half percent

↓

of the company is five percent.

company five percent

↓

But, I mean, look, your shares are gonna be worth a whole lot more

shares whole worth

↓

than they ever would, now with the patent and Gavin being involved, so...

involved patent

↓

So then we're all good here, I guess, right?

↓

I think that's right.

↓

Weird.

weird

↓

All right. Well, thanks for understanding.

thanks understanding

↓

Uh, you're welcome.

welcome

↓

I don't think we need to be afraid of the Wi-Fi.

afraid

↓

It's pronounced "wifey,"

pronounced

↓

and clearly you don't understand the threat level

level threat

↓

of the person that you're sexually disappointing.

disappointing person sexually

↓

We're going hardwire.

↓

What about for my phone?

phone

↓

You mean the thing that tracks your movement

movement tracks

↓

and every interaction you have?

interaction

↓

Literally, your fingerprint?

↓

The second you're on Wi-Fi,

second

↓

it's like you're leaving her alone with your phone.

alone leaving phone

↓

So, actually leaving her alone with my phone...

alone leaving phone

↓

that would be bad?

↓

You fucking idiot.

fucking fucking-idiot idiot

↓

I was in the bathroom.

bathroom

↓

For how long?

↓

A while.

↓

Really?

↓

Who's that?

↓

Oh, Richard's meeting with Brett Saxby.

brett meeting

↓

From Hooli?

↓

Formerly. The recruiter sent him over.

sent

↓

He's interviewing him for head of engineering.

engineering head

↓

Why? That guy sucks.

sucks

↓

Why is Richard in there with Brett Saxby?

brett richard

↓

I mean, he was in Gavin's inner circle.

circle inner

↓

Is Richard aware of that?

aware richard

↓

Is anyone taking notes?

notes

↓

Does Richard even have a pen?

richard

↓

That is so funny.

funny

↓

It's 10:00 a.m.

↓

Why are they drinking beer?

beer drinking drinking-beer

↓

Because he sucks.

sucks

↓

Did Dick say who else he was meeting with?

dick meeting

↓

The recruiter sent him a whole big list right there.

list sent whole

↓

Gonna be late for class.

class late

↓

Ooh, how's that going?

↓

Oh, it's okay. I'm just a little nervous

nervous

↓

I might run out of material soon.

material might

↓

We already watched the Facebook movie,

facebook movie watched

↓

A.I., The Net, and half of Tron.

half

↓

Which Tron?

↓

What? No. Tron.

↓

There's two Trons.

↓

Oh, shit. That's awesome.

awesome

↓

It should get me through another week. Thanks.

another thanks week

↓

This entire list is a shit show of shitheads.

entire list

↓

Why would Richard trust a recruiter

richard trust

↓

to source him recruits? It doesn't make sense.

recruits sense source

↓

- Huh. - What?

↓

You guys seem like super invested

invested super

↓

in who Richard hires to work with Gavin Belson, that's all.

richard

↓

Are you insinuating jealousy?

jealousy

↓

This is just concern for Richard's vision.

concern vision

↓

Mm-hmm.

↓

If Richard wants to saddle himself with mediocrity...

richard saddle wants

↓

go for it.

↓

You did not.

↓

I swear to God, bro. I swear to God.

swear

↓

Well, I'll tell you what. Next time you bust out

bust

↓

the old Sea-Doo, give me a call.

↓

Good. Guys, you know Brett.

brett

↓

Nope.

nope

↓

Uh, it's great to meet you guys.

meet

↓

We've met.

↓

Uh, okay. Well, it has been a pleasure.

pleasure

↓

I shall walk you to your car.

walk

↓

- All right. Uh, After me. - Yeah.

↓

- Yeah, yeah. - Okay.

↓

I hate him.

hate

↓

Gentlemen, I just paid the palapa contractor.

gentlemen paid

↓

The palapa piper, so to speak.

piper speak

↓

The dream is a reality.

dream reality

↓

We'll no longer be exposed... to the elements.

elements exposed longer

↓

Hey, Erlich.

↓

You wanna guess who's on this list of availables

list

↓

that Richard just got from his recruiter?

richard

↓

Who?

↓

Your boy, Jian-Yang.

yang

↓

- What? - What?

↓

Jian-Yang!

yang

↓

You already have a fucking job, Jian-Yang.

fucking yang

↓

You have to finish SeeFood.

finish

↓

Now get to food scraping.

food scraping

↓

I fucking hate SeeFood.

fucking fucking-hate hate

↓

I have to look at different hot dogs.

dogs

↓

There's Chinese hot dogs,

chinese dogs

↓

Polish hot dogs, Jewish hot dogs. It fucking stupid.

dogs fucking fucking-stupid jewish polish stupid

↓

Well, here. Here's one more for you.

↓

See? "Hot dog." It doesn't even fucking work right.

fucking

↓

Then you should hire someone using company money,

company hire money using

↓

not build a roof over nothing.

build roof

↓

The palapa was budgeted for, Jian-Yang.

yang

↓

That's what you do when you get funding,

funding

↓

you upscale your workspace to help with recruiting.

recruiting

↓

You just said you recruit no one.

recruit

↓

Because we spent all the money on upscaling.

money spent

↓

Why... Why is this so confusing?

confusing

↓

You're stealing. If you can steal, I can quit.

quit steal stealing

↓

I have meetings at Periscope, Airbnb.

airbnb meetings

↓

Good companies.

companies

↓

The fuck you do.

fuck

↓

We still have $150,000 of Raviga's money left.

left money

↓

That's three months of burn.

burn months three three-months

↓

So, until we are dick up and flat broke, this is your life.

broke dick flat life

↓

Get to it.

↓

This is no life.

life

↓

I want to live.

live

↓

Erase that dick picture.

dick erase picture

↓

You've got mail.

mail

↓

Yes.

↓

Those are very powerful words.

powerful words

↓

Sorry.

↓

No, no. It's okay.

↓

Your phone has technology inside it,

phone technology

↓

so you're double-learning.

double learning

↓

Jian-Yang, what in the good fuck is that?

fuck yang

↓

It's called business expense.

business called expense

↓

You buy a hut.

↓

I... buy a car.

↓

You say, "Keep doing SeeFood until money is gone."

gone money

↓

Now, the money is gone.

gone money

↓

Dick...

dick

↓

is up.

↓

Where'd you get those sunglasses? Did they come with the car?

sunglasses whered

↓

These are from your mom.

↓

Listen, Jian-Yang, you can't just blow the rest of our runway on a Corvette.

blow rest runway yang

↓

Who's gonna scrape the Internet?

internet scrape

↓

Twelve-speaker sound system.

sound speaker system twelve

↓

It's very loud, very expensive.

expensive loud

↓

The fuck was that?

fuck

↓

Oh, just three months of runway being driven off

driven months runway three three-months

↓

by 90 pounds of asshole.

asshole pounds

↓

Spoken by a 280-pound pile of shit.

pile pound spoken

↓

The fuck are you gonna do now?

fuck

↓

Professor Bighetti, a word if you please?

professor word

↓

Richard...

richard

↓

I know it's none of my business...

business

↓

but I worked with that Brett Saxby fellow at Hooli.

brett fellow worked

↓

He's a talented engineer,

engineer talented

↓

but in an office environment, he can be both tardy and fresh.

environment fresh office

↓

Uh, I'm... I'm not hiring him.

hiring

↓

He uses spaces not tabs.

spaces tabs uses

↓

I see. Okay.

↓

Well, that's a relief.

relief

↓

But, Richard, what about the next Brett Saxby?

brett richard

↓

Or the Brett Saxby after that?

brett

↓

And even if you vet them all,

↓

you are still in a room with Gavin.

room

↓

So? We're partners. What's your point?

partners point

↓

He and his... his posse

posse

↓

of... of bandits and cutthroats

↓

will turn on you in a second.

second

↓

You need me...

↓

the half-crazed, half-Apache

crazed half

↓

who will do anything to get your back.

↓

I'll scalp Gavin if I have to,

scalp

↓

and all the rest of those paleface sons of bitches.

bitches rest sons

↓

I'll kill them with knives. I'll kill them with guns.

guns kill knives

↓

I'll kill them with my hands.

hands kill

↓

I'll talk them into suicide. It doesn't matter.

matter suicide

↓

All right, Jared, I... I think what you're asking is...

asking jared

↓

you want a job?

↓

If you think you can find a place for me...

place

↓

- Yeah, of course, Jared. - Yeah?

course jared

↓

You're more than welcome to work on this.

welcome

↓

But just to be clear, you're not gonna stab anyone, are you?

clear stab

↓

Oh, it feels good to laugh.

feels laugh

↓

So... So, that's a no then?

↓

Richard.

richard

↓

So, we're not gonna finish the movie?

finish movie

↓

Yeah, sorry, but my colleague here was pretty adamant

colleague

↓

that a better use of class time

class

↓

might be to learn while accomplishing something.

learn might

↓

Now take one, pass it all the way down.

pass

↓

We're supposed to scrape the Internet for thousands of food images?

food images internet scrape supposed thousands

↓

Yeah. So you'll find, like, five or 30,000 pictures of your food,

five food pictures

↓

and then put them in a folder with that food's name on it.

folder foods name

↓

And it's good if you get, like, weird angles

weird

↓

or lighting of your food. So it should be pretty fun.

food fun lighting

↓

So we're gathering training data

data gathering training

↓

to run through a convolutional neural net.

↓

Like an image classifier?

image

↓

Who wants broccoli?

wants

↓

Broccolini for the ladies? Broccoli.

ladies

↓

Just so you know, this does not mean I don't trust her.

trust

↓

I'm just doing this so you'll, like, shut up and leave me alone.

alone

↓

Mia, if you're listening, you're so pretty.

listening

↓

Oh, you're both headed to Gavin's?

headed

↓

Indeed we are. Together again.

indeed

↓

Butch Cassidy and his head of business development.

business butch development head

↓

Oh, wow, another Western reference.

another reference western

↓

Yaw! Let's go.

↓

- You know, he'd hire you, too. - What?

hire

↓

All you have to do is admit that you want the job.

admit

↓

And, like, get down on your knees and beg.

knees

↓

Says the guy who's romancing a woman

woman

↓

through a phone that isn't even on.

phone

↓

A woman that he described to me in private

described private woman

↓

as a skinny little fuck factory.

factory fuck skinny

↓

Oh, no, I didn't. God.

↓

Mia, I would never do that.

↓

Richard, Brett Saxby ran

brett richard

↓

my data analytics team for three years.

analytics data team three three-years years

↓

Respectfully, I think passing on him is a mistake.

mistake passing respectfully

↓

Yes. Well, uh, I met with Brett Saxby,

brett

↓

and, um... to be honest...

honest

↓

To be honest, I don't... I don't think he's our man.

honest

↓

Fair enough. There are plenty of good alternatives on this list.

alternatives fair list plenty

↓

Although, I'm a little confused by your notes on some of these people.

confused notes

↓

"David Burnham. Annoying slob, fucked-up face.

annoying david face fucked slob

↓

I could write better Python with my asshole."

asshole python write

↓

You know what? I think... I think you have my list.

list

↓

Yes, I have a very weird shorthand.

weird

↓

Yeah.

↓

Okay, next.

↓

Becca Th...

becca

↓

No, guys, that goes in the... the sunroom.

↓

I'll show you. All right.

↓

Back in a flash.

flash

↓

Come this way, gentlemen. Here.

gentlemen

↓

God, there are pages of graphic insults here.

graphic insults pages

↓

Fucking Gilfoyle. Right?

fucking

↓

Richard, would you be open to having Gilfoyle on the team?

having open richard team

↓

Well, yeah, of course. I mean, I'd hire him in a second,

course hire second

↓

but he'd never do it.

↓

Richard, Gilfoyle is a man of intense pride.

intense pride richard

↓

So, when he refers to a potential employee

employee potential

↓

as a "pig-faced fuck nose,"

faced fuck nose

↓

what I hear is "I need to be needed."

needed

↓

Well, what I hear is "pig-faced fuck nose."

faced fuck nose

↓

Exactly. I mean, Gilfoyle's insults

insults

↓

are normally well crafted, almost poetic.

normally poetic

↓

Last week, he referred to me as "Frankenstein's bulimic daughter."

bulimic daughter referred week

↓

Yeah, I get what you mean.

↓

So what do you want me to do, Jared, beg him?

jared

↓

Well, I... I think a little outreach

outreach

↓

would be in the company's best interest.

best companys interest

↓

Really? "Butt-dick"?

butt dick

↓

The man's in pain.

mans pain

↓

Hey, I know this system is super confusing,

confusing super system

↓

but we don't see any completed assignments.

assignments completed

↓

Cut the shit. Where's the work?

↓

Well, we all got to talking the other day after class.

class

↓

We couldn't figure out if you were, like, a TA

figure

↓

or why you were giving us assignments,

assignments giving

↓

but we all agreed we didn't like the way

agreed

↓

that you were speaking to Professor Bighetti.

professor speaking

↓

I'm used to it. So we searched your name on PitchBook,

name searched used

↓

and that SeeFood app you got funded at Raviga popped up.

popped

↓

PitchBook? How do you have access to PitchBook?

access

↓

Your idea was so simple.

idea simple

↓

It was like something you could come up with in the room during a meeting.

meeting room

↓

Which is what Garrett from Coleman Blair told us

blair coleman

↓

at the CS undergrad mixer on Friday.

friday mixer

↓

Hey, Erlich.

↓

Here I am. Class of '06.

class

↓

- Go Cardinal. - Go Cardinal.

↓

Anyways, we founded our own Shazam-for-food company,

anyways company food founded

↓

- and he's funding us. - Mm-hmm.

funding

↓

Whoa, congrats! Wait, that's stealing.

congrats stealing whoa

↓

No. It's exactly what Mark Zuckerberg did to the Winkle guy

mark

↓

in that Facebook movie Professor Bighetti had us watch.

facebook movie professor watch

↓

And he was the hero of that film.

film hero

↓

And with all of us working together,

working

↓

we'll easily beat you to market.

beat easily market

↓

So, that's how it goes, huh? Hmm?

↓

You steal a man's idea, rendering his company worthless.

company idea mans steal worthless

↓

I've read a number of disparaging articles about your generation

articles generation number read

↓

in The Atlantic and Slate.com summaries.

atlantic

↓

It's all true.

↓

Trigger warning: fuck you!

fuck trigger warning

↓

Professor Bighetti, I'll see you at home.

home professor

↓

You apologize?

apologize

↓

In this case, yes, I apologize.

apologize case

↓

Who am I to advise you on your very valuable company?

advise company valuable

↓

It's time to let you go, like a bird.

bird

↓

So, go out there without me.

↓

Make your recipe app. Take your meetings.

meetings recipe

↓

Live. That being said...

live

↓

since there's no cash to buy me out,

cash

↓

I propose this:

propose

↓

allow me to keep the palapa

allow

↓

and give me the 'Vette.

↓

You're cashing out?

↓

Dinesh, stay out of this, please.

↓

Car and hut for ten percent?

percent

↓

It's a palapa.

↓

Okay. It's a deal.

deal

↓

You know, the car was a mistake.

mistake

↓

I was driving next to a store window,

driving store window

↓

and I stop and look in my reflection.

reflection

↓

I looked like an asshole.

asshole looked

↓

Yes, I'm sure it was just the car.

↓

A little piece of advice regarding American culture,

advice american culture piece regarding

↓

a Corvette takes a certain sort of man to be able to pull off.

able certain pull takes

↓

Like a fedora.

↓

Anyway, keys?

keys

↓

Oh, and now that I'm out of the company,

company

↓

you'll need to tell Monica what transpired.

↓

Thank you.

↓

Gentlemen, I'm off to be out and about in the 'Vette.

gentlemen

↓

Be back for supper, that is, of course,

course supper

↓

unless I get fucked to death by the fairer sex.

death fucked

↓

Gilfoyle, Richard would like a moment, if you don't mind.

mind moment richard

↓

Do you guys need me to go somewhere else?

↓

No, it's fine. You can stay. You can hear this.

↓

Okay, well, Gilfoyle, I have reviewed the candidates,

candidates reviewed

↓

and it is very clear to me that our company cannot succeed

cannot clear company succeed

↓

without your unrivaled talents as a systems architect.

architect systems talents

↓

So, would you please, please, please...

↓

please come work for Pied Piper?

piper

↓

Thanks for asking.

asking thanks

↓

I'm going to put this as delicately as I know how.

↓

You can chortle my balls.

balls

↓

Okay, well...

↓

so who do we want to run front-end Dev?

front

↓

"Cunt-ass" or... "Fuck-jerk"?

cunt fuck jerk

↓

Listen.

↓

This thing with Gavin isn't gonna work without me,

↓

so, because I feel bad for you

↓

and I'd hate to see you fuck up good tech,

fuck hate tech

↓

which will happen if I'm not there,

happen

↓

I'm willing to help you.

willing

↓

That's a beautiful gesture.

gesture

↓

So, you're back aboard.

aboard

↓

FYI, Becca Thorton is

becca

↓

a cancerous prolapsed anus of a human being,

anus cancerous human

↓

but as a systems engineer, she's not all bad.

engineer systems

↓

Laurie?

laurie

↓

Oh! Yes. Monica, come in.

↓

I just heard the good news.

heard news

↓

About?

↓

Jian-Yang's nimble pivot.

pivot

↓

Back away from the glass, please.

glass

↓

Special occasion.

occasion special

↓

He told me the whole story.

story whole whole-story

↓

His interview at Periscope,

interview

↓

his discovery of a photo of Bachman's genitals on his phone

discovery genitals phone photo

↓

when demonstrating the app,

demonstrating

↓

and his eureka moment when it turned out

moment turned

↓

that his "not hot dog" technology

technology

↓

out-performed Periscope's own technology.

technology

↓

He said all that?

↓

Not quickly.

quickly

↓

The eventual point,

point

↓

Jian-Yang unwittingly crafted

yang

↓

an amazing tool for the real-time detection

amazing real tool

↓

and filtering of penile imagery.

imagery

↓

And Periscope does have a dick problem.

dick problem

↓

Monica.

↓

Jian-Yang went to Periscope for a job

yang

↓

and walked out with a $4-million acquisition offer.

acquisition million offer walked

↓

Given our liquidation preference,

given

↓

we have 10 X'ed in two weeks,

weeks

↓

so hats off...

hats

↓

Well, thank you so much.

↓

to Ed Chen for his shrewd call,

↓

both to invest in this and make you lead.

invest lead

↓

He is quite astute,

↓

which is why we have promoted him to senior partner.

partner promoted senior

↓

Yeah.

↓

Monica, you've got Erlich.

↓

I'm here with Jian-Yang,

yang

↓

and he just told me that you traded

traded

↓

ten percent of the company for a used car and a...

company percent used

↓

A hut.

↓

A hut?

↓

A palapa, and so what?

↓

What do you mean it's a half-a-million-dollar palapa?

dollar half million

↓

Erlich, is the refrigerator running?

refrigerator running

↓

This is Mike Hunt, and he's rich.

hunt mike rich

↓

Shit!

↓

Oh, hey, when you begged Richard for the job,

begged richard

↓

did you actually, like, literally lick his boots,

boots lick

↓

or did you just go like,

↓

"Pretty please, Richard.

richard

↓

Please can I have a job, Richard?"

richard

↓

Whatever I did, it was worth it

worth

↓

for the chance to work without you.

chance

↓

Speaking of, did your deal with Periscope ever close?

close deal speaking

↓

Yep. If I stay a year, I vest a big chunk of Twitter stock.

chunk stock twitter vest

↓

- Great. - Great.

↓

And... what exactly are you working on?

working

↓

Oh, you know, we're tuning... our algorithm.

algorithm tuning

↓

We're reconfiguring our... classifier from food to...

food

↓

another purpose.

another purpose

↓

Uh-huh. In other words, you sit around and look at dick pics all day long.

dick pics words

↓

Don't let me stop you.

↓

Wow.

↓

I would say, "Not safe for work,"

safe

↓

but this is your work...

↓

for a year...

↓

at least.

least

↓

Is that one...

↓

actually a hot dog?

↓

No.

↓

Not hot dog.