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Home » Rick and Morty » S07E03 — Air Force Wong

Rick and Morty

Season 7, Episode 3 — Air Force Wong

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Rick and Morty
Episode title: Air Force Wong
Air date: October 29, 2023
Director: Jacob Hair
Top billed cast: Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke, Ian Cardoni, Harry Belden
Rick and the President are back at it.
Source: TMDB
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Before we move off this topic, can I ask if you’re currently a hologram?
currentlytopic
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Hold on. One sec.
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Left a bag of Funyuns down there last week.
leftweek
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Didn’t want to waste our time. Okay, let’s do it. Therapy me.
therapywaste
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- Maybe we should turn off the phone. - President of the United States.
phonepresidentstatesunitedunited-states
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Thought you might think that was cool.
coolmight
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You like it when people think you’re cool?
cool
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You’re extra analytical today.
extratoday
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- Looking to remodel your kitchen? - Sanchez! I know you’re in there!
kitchenlookingsanchez
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When I call you directly it’s an emergency.
directlyemergency
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I was in therapy. Don’t stigmatize mental health.
healthmentalmental-healththerapy
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How rude of me. Hello,
rude
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- I’m President Andre Curtis. - Yes, I recognize you.
andrepresidentrecognize
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Oh? How nice.
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It’s not nice to recognize a president, can we go?
presidentrecognize
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In 1961, the CIA secretly relocated the Loch Ness Monster to Lake Erie
lakelochloch-nessloch-ness-monstermonsternessness-monstersecretly
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and replaced her bones with titanium.
bonesreplacedtitanium
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She was then bit by several werewolves,
several
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giving us the ultimate anti-submarine weapon.
antigivingsubmarineultimateweapon
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Got it.
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But the Soviets smuggled in a leprechaun,
leprechaunsmuggled
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who turned Nessie’s bones to silver, giving her the were-version of AIDS.
aidsbonesgivingsilverturnedversion
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She sank to the bottom and we assumed she was dead.
assumedbottomdead
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But she was only asleep. Now she’s awake... and hungry.
asleepawakehungry
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You can’t date my shrink.
dateshrink
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- What? Bro, you’re nuts. - Then don’t date my shrink.
datenutsshrink
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I’m not dating your shrink!
datingshrink
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She probably doesn’t even like me.
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- Stand down, Sanchez! - Tell him to stand down!
sanchezstand
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- Would you let him bang your therapist? - I don’t believe in therapy!
bangbelievetherapisttherapy
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What the hell does that even mean, you don’t believe in it?
believe
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- He’s a scientologist. - Don’t date my shrink!
dateshrink
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- And don’t be a Space Mormon! - Why not?
space
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It’s silly!
silly
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Sorry, it’s a cheap shot.
cheapshot
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Worship how you want.
worship
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- I like Tom Cruise. - Thank you.
cruise
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- Therapy’s working. - Keep it in your pants.
pantsworking
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Welcome back to Mr. Stabby!
welcome
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Let’s get another question from the audience!
anotheraudiencequestion
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Why do people get tickets to his tapings?
tickets
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The governor just hit a hundred percent roval rating.
governorhundredhundred-percentpercentrating
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There’s three billion women on this planet that have nothing to do with me.
billionplanetthreewomen
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- Can you blame them? - You suck.
blamesuck
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- Wait! Danger! - Wow that’s great, buddy.
buddydanger
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It’s goin’ right on the fridge.
fridgegoin
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I appreciate your lending your expertise to this mission, Doctor Wong.
appreciatedoctorexpertisemission
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- Gun? - No thank you.
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I was surprised to receive your call, but excited.
excitedreceivesurprised
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I haven’t done field work since grad school.
fieldgradschool
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We think the people of Virginia have become some kind of hippy sex cult.
becomecultvirginia
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I haven’t done that since grad school either.
gradschool
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Doctor Wong, you are a firecracker!
doctorfirecracker
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Sir, we’ve reached the border.
borderreached
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Halt!
halt
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I’m so sorry, Mr. President, Virginia is closed to visitors.
closedpresidentvirginiavisitors
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I thought it was for lovers.
lovers
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I’m a lover. You guys lovers?
loverlovers
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I appreciate that,
appreciate
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but the rest of your country doesn’t need Virginia’s love right now.
countryloverest
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You know, the last time a state talked that way,
statetalked
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- we had to have a whole thing. - And?
whole
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And this time the other side has nukes.
side
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Let them in.
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- Well done, Doctor. - Call me Helen.
doctorhelen
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As you can see, Virginia has no crime, no poverty.
crimepovertyvirginia
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- All goods are freely given. - Communist bastards.
bastardscommunistfreelygivengoods
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- And all goods are freely made. - Communist bastards!
bastardscommunistfreelygoods
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So what happened? Tell me the secret.
happenedsecret
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Well, if I tell you, you’ll tell everyone.
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But if I show you, you won’t have to.
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How unsettling and cryptic of...
unsettling
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My God, so that’s it?
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You’re all just drunk?
drunk
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Sir! It’s some kind of body snatching hive-mind!
bodyhivemind
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Finally your religion comes in handy!
comesfinallyhandyreligion
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No! My only chance at meeting Will Smith!
chancemeetingsmith
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Pick up your phone, asshole, when I call it’s an actual emergency!
actualassholeemergencyphonepick
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Rick?
rick
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- Unity. - Take it easy, take it easy...
easy
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I can explain, just let me get things under control.
controlexplain
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You controlling things is the explanation
controllingexplanation
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and we agreed you wouldn’t do it where I work.
agreed
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The fuck are you spraying me with?
fuckspraying
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A new scent I picked up after you left.
leftpickedscent
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- I call it "Separation." - You concocted a me repellent?
repellent
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Does that look like a bad idea?
idea
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Rick, are you in a relationship with the population of Virginia?
populationrelationshiprickvirginia
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We dated.
dated
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I just want to talk.
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I’m pretty sure you have trillions of cell phones.
cellcell-phonesphones
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No, come back, let’s talk!
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Thank god you had a crack team with you.
crackteam
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- Where’s Helen? -"Helen?"
helen
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She initiated first name...
initiatedname
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Call in a chopper! I’m being cock blocked!
blockedchoppercock
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Rick! It’s me.
rick
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I was released from Unity.
released
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Cool, so you won’t mind if I spray this.
coolmindspray
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Wel... I won’t, but we’re surrounded and Unity knows your reload time.
knowssurrounded
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I really believe you and Unity should talk.
believe
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How would you know? You’re just a nutritionist.
nutritionist
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When you work in nutritionism as long as I have, you get a certain feel...
certain
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Calm down. We came because we’re worried about you.
calmworried
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- Why? - We hear things, Rick.
rick
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I tried calling but... is it true you’re looking for...
callinglookingtried
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him again?
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You almost died last time.
died
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- That’s none of your business. - You’re our business.
business
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You quit that business! And you’re fired from that business!
businessfiredquit
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And I’m using your last paycheck
paycheckusing
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to cover the stapler you stole which was my heart!
coverheartstaplerstole
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Civil War, baby!
babycivil
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Sorry. That was supposed to be suppressive.
supposedsuppressive
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Rick, wait!
rick
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- Thank you, Andre. - Thank you, Helen.
andrehelen
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It’s time to put these bastards on ice.
bastards
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- Cue up the dome! - Yes sir!
dome
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Do you have a dome the size of every state?
domesizestate
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You’ll need a second date for that answer.
answerdatesecond
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Barf.
barf
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A nation in turmoil tonight as the entire state of Virginia
entirenationstatetonightvirginia
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continues to be trapped inside an energy dome.
continuesdomeenergytrapped
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The White House released a statement dismissing
housereleasedstatementwhitewhite-house
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the President’s shouts of "Civil War, baby."
babycivilpresidentsshouts
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as hyperbole. Shonda, what do we make of that?
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- More like Hyper Bully, Tom. - Shit. Shonda came to play.
bullyhyper
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This President has been in office for how many alien invasions?
alienofficepresident
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Not to mention the mutant turkeys,
mentionmutantturkeys
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the abandoned White House orbiting our planet,
abandonedhouseplanetwhitewhite-house
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the eco-conscious dinosaurs...
conscious
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Then he sees Virginia
seesvirginia
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with its perfect economy and synchronized lawn mowing,
economylawnperfectsynchronized
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so he shoots them and puts them in a dome?
domeshoots
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- Classic Curtis. - Will someone mute the god damn news?
classicmutenews
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If I want a list of my failures, I’d dig up my mother.
listmother
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I’m... sorry, that’s a turn off, right?
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Guy screaming about his mother in a war room?
motherroomscreaming
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Sanchez! America hates your dome! How long is it going to be up?
americadomehatessanchez
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Hope you marked that. It was his dome in the chopper.
chopperdomehopemarked
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Now it's mine. It will contain that part of Unity until I shut it down,
part
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because... one of us here, Knows how to set boundaries.
boundariesknows
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Rick, I agree that my accepting this mission was inappropriate,
acceptingagreeinappropriatemissionrick
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- when I was invited, I didn’t know... - That he was hitting on you?
hittinginvited
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I was aware of potential romantic motivations.
awarepotentialromantic
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And I was open to them.
open
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But I did not know you and I would be crossing paths.
crossing
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You mean you didn't care. Because on one hand,
carehand
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you got professional ethics,
ethicsprofessional
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5f9a9237-b78f-49f0-9117-b26f0d9cb40a.gif
and in the other hand you got world-famous schlong.
famoushandworld
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- Now I get to beat you. - Bring it...
beatbring
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a84a49fa-773f-4425-a5a4-9f726ca68a7f.gif
Alien vessel approaching Earth! It’s hailing us!
alienapproachingearthvessel
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- Put it through. - I don’t work for you.
↓
0acba7af-e855-41c5-b726-2d96f773c252.gif
You couldn’t, you suck. I’ll do it.
suck
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807c6027-0495-43fc-8086-32e7638c1933.gif
Mr. President.
president
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Lady, you bring that ship to America’s planet,
americasbringladyplanetship
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a79d22cc-a681-41fa-80b7-f9d9d7982dd8.gif
I’m launching four thousand warheads.
fourthousand
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Three thousand of which will turn out to work.
thousandthree
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Then I’ll call China and you’re really fucked.
chinafucked
↓
be29221a-4a30-4b9c-8ff5-cadc1d888eaf.gif
Let’s listen to Unity.
↓
0a71f086-7872-4c05-9e4e-070a77bd389b.gif
- Are you still here? - Are you?
↓
fbef6009-58c5-4910-893f-021aeebc66b4.gif
If I wanted Earth, I would have taken it.
earthtakenwanted
↓
50990ceb-039e-466b-8121-b8a6e3a854af.gif
- Bullshit. - Gimme a break.
breakbullshit
↓
e8989a07-f2ce-495c-950a-f898bcc1bff1.gif
You cut eight million pieces of me off. It hurt.
eighthurtmillionpieces
↓
5206ffc9-68c7-4200-9aec-bb5740b54574.gif
You’ve made it clear we can’t be friends, Rick,
clearfriendsrick
↓
e6c0bd52-b791-4a24-a5c7-3c42128fc8f6.gif
but I need to reconnect those people so I can properly release them.
properlyreconnectrelease
↓
55422269-7332-4769-ad29-7d584eae0b9c.gif
They’re hosting a mindless collective, if it connects to another mind,
anothercollectivemindmindless
↓
3c4576f5-b406-41a1-bd22-9dd37f32f20c.gif
- it could become its own colony. - You made a Powerpoint?
become
↓
1ca9d5fc-9279-4a90-8b93-13c865be4525.gif
I needed you to understand how serious this is.
neededserious
↓
29577216-31be-423b-be1f-7e7b7ac76aa8.gif
- I can handle it. - We got the spray, bitch!
bitchhandlespray
↓
2db2514b-0c15-43ed-bf38-5f05f91c613e.gif
Don’t talk to them like that.
↓
20563f0b-6a01-4e43-8b0e-449df03b4dee.gif
- Rick, do you not trust Unity? - Shut up.
ricktrust
↓
d400dd2c-7599-4ed8-9cb7-640a0b232977.gif
- Apologize. - Eat me.
apologize
↓
37864780-acc1-42a5-a367-b21a2670cd3d.gif
- Do you not trust me, Rick? - Who would?
ricktrust
↓
e84455ee-0040-4a71-a102-2f7e0860b463.gif
Let Rick answer.
answerrick
↓
fc8c64cd-6e07-477e-aa0e-346a073ee9c5.gif
- Baby, I know you want to help, but... - ...Andre.
andrebaby
↓
472cd813-2ae9-4a4d-85ba-f0588ebf996b.gif
- I think we need to move slower. - Slower?
slower
↓
3881581a-a34a-4f17-b716-0b2042bab67a.gif
I haven’t even touched you and you’re already back seat war rooming.
seattouched
↓
fbae6552-300d-40e5-80cf-9169ce423d34.gif
- Andre. - Helen.
andrehelen
↓
fd156dad-b826-466e-a32c-4280f0153cab.gif
- Rick? - I don’t trust you.
ricktrust
↓
d46d035c-b117-4839-94c7-005a3136f184.gif
You ghosted me to focus on your work.
focus
↓
da182bd8-95ec-4a45-bca0-db7a28c02b77.gif
Your work is absorbing the universe.
universe
↓
a15a99ff-4560-41ea-8670-fd6ea028cacd.gif
But it’s my universe. Please go.
universe
↓
11c466bc-e6f6-43da-9922-9401333e3081.gif
We’ll spray the Virginians before they touch anyone.
spraytouch
↓
aa38684e-6163-4624-ba1e-1b43e210ccd7.gif
I’m sorry you lost a finger,
fingerlost
↓
cd3bc0e0-ae53-4435-8f32-ce01246a810f.gif
but that’s the price of surprise butt play. Goodbye.
buttgoodbyepricesurprise
↓
adf7473e-e8a4-4004-a123-2d7d9c2ecda2.gif
Goodbye.
goodbye
↓
0bf7b019-839f-48df-8d23-9329f0875ac4.gif
Alien vessel is departing.
alienvessel
↓
0db7a84b-f030-4b06-9de4-1952c30c1641.gif
Good job, people,
↓
b479c28a-804e-4d5e-8161-6e99d654b49b.gif
I’ll run the aerosol cannon from the chopper,
cannonchopper
↓
4358881e-8f34-49d3-926e-b647d728dcbd.gif
we need the optics. Send out a press release.
pressreleasesend
↓
29e5e536-e574-4d53-aeaa-6b928c8e52bc.gif
"President sprays Virginia with the opposite of bullets."
bulletsoppositepresidentspraysvirginia
↓
ccd8997b-9cd0-4f55-b213-470b78a40a69.gif
Write it better than that.
write
↓
0ebf186f-a687-42c1-b588-572f5973c56c.gif
You riding shotgun or you staying butt hurt?
butthurtridingshotgunstaying
↓
2eddfb4c-d091-41cd-b924-f74e2ea88a12.gif
Suck my dick and lose my number. You too.
dicklosenumbersuck
↓
8ede7faa-888c-4f7d-80d6-aa8c702d5d38.gif
If you invite me to the wedding I will shit in the punch.
invitepunchwedding
↓
dc49d1b0-5f8e-42c8-a6a1-59ec809e9395.gif
He’ll be back. What would you like for dinner?
dinner
↓
7f83a089-6026-4c71-a784-4e1015bba015.gif
I’m not interested in taking this further.
furtherinterested
↓
c4a0e71b-6e13-4e36-964e-4e07778d5f04.gif
What? Why? That’s insane. How can you be a therapist and insane?
insanetherapist
↓
8352c47e-df66-4117-befd-3706ca78e5fb.gif
Since you’re asking for feedback,
askingfeedback
↓
e976d3af-ba4b-40f9-8a8a-0b0397e515cc.gif
my sincere advice is that you overcome your need for approval.
adviceapprovalovercomesincere
↓
fd560fb9-c8f0-4246-a2f3-b6ea154ac577.gif
Okay, you want to play it that way?
↓
6519e141-c1a7-488b-a5a3-63f02e507f7e.gif
There’s an exit tunnel by the ladies room.
exitladiesladies-roomroomtunnel
↓
20e8aee4-75fe-47c6-90ac-995840c4a6ee.gif
It gets lots of use!
lots
↓
d8844ebb-58e2-4528-9ea5-898d805bd671.gif
And not just by sex workers!
workers
↓
6f253aa6-e77f-4f65-a8b0-062e4347673a.gif
Can you at least tell security I did the dumping?
dumpingleastsecurity
↓
9022296a-4f82-4cd3-bb79-6f5a167bc83f.gif
- You okay? - Yes.
↓
c2a70007-a39f-45a7-bebf-18d7e53a43df.gif
The news said Virginia was a hive... mind.
hivemindnewsvirginia
↓
7579a6de-5428-4497-b168-57c91df48341.gif
Yes.
↓
e3926e3c-c476-48d3-9825-6cfc6f921c70.gif
- Was it... - Yes.
↓
f75899b4-ff8c-4bcc-97bc-5b15c831895d.gif
My god, dude, whatever,
↓
ff8ef243-6f2c-485f-a0c6-e1ba5c02554a.gif
when’s the last time you saw your therapist...
therapistwhens
↓
6e8f07e6-4bde-486d-8b1c-a6b433677eca.gif
- Today. - Well, then she sucks!
suckstoday
↓
86f5bdd7-1bf6-4319-8b45-bd8ecbfa3c8f.gif
- No Shit! - Well stop yelling at me!
yelling
↓
41cf4582-2465-469a-8e3e-74b5a83c1219.gif
- I need boundaries! - Well here's a big one, fuck face!
boundariesfacefuck
↓
d24e3f87-6fcf-4598-97a9-430c14273789.gif
Sorry.
↓
863351f4-d8c9-40fc-946e-c2396c2d49e9.gif
Arriving at the dome, sir.
arrivingdome
↓
11f84a6f-4820-4349-b814-906cf22563f5.gif
Good! I don’t need anybody!
anybody
↓
e77465ce-76f5-4cbb-b2e3-286a2ae0f046.gif
- What? - What? I said good!
↓
20d5873b-af9b-4566-b528-dab0996eedd2.gif
Tell me when we’re there!
↓
95cb567c-41f3-412a-8498-a400448ebc52.gif
- We are! - Roger that!
roger
↓
193ac65c-156f-4650-9386-087dfcccef4a.gif
Just gonna see how we’re looking!
looking
↓
ba075432-bd40-4c2c-996f-496a64a8460a.gif
And there’s Helicopter One with the forementioned gas,
helicopter
↓
b70704ee-c6d0-4f7c-965f-bf6d6e924aa8.gif
and you can actually see President Curtis inside,
president
↓
da155262-5877-4eba-b233-323f551fdec8.gif
checking his phone to see if this will make people like him.
checkingphone
↓
694ecda9-18f4-484b-8ab0-ddc98dd0b81a.gif
There he is frowning now, of course, as he realizes no amount of spectacle
amountcoursefrowningrealizes
↓
b046a52e-2f8a-4ab5-824b-428f67376181.gif
is going to undo his last debacle. Shonda?
undo
↓
367668f6-ba99-4846-bb9e-9bcb2cf429c5.gif
Not Shonda, she hates me.
hates
↓
1b38981b-9a37-452a-a849-f717bee2e058.gif
It’s true, Tom, I mean, yes,
↓
81fb921e-87e2-434d-8df6-f2482fc7220d.gif
President Curtis is going to release Virginia from yet another alien threat,
alienanotherpresidentreleasethreatvirginia
↓
af8cec25-41f4-4d38-b6fa-e42b6d7a4ffc.gif
but when they are free to speak their minds,
freemindsspeak
↓
6cc094f4-4786-4b19-889d-2ea1d6600a37.gif
Deactivating dome, sir!
dome
↓
659406c9-436a-4851-81b7-948656893d14.gif
The fact is, nothing short of literally a one hundred percent approval rating
approvalfacthundredhundred-percentpercentratingshort
↓
dc048d5e-26e2-4ec7-b750-89d6ee50b81b.gif
is gonna save Curtis in the next election.
electionsave
↓
df2f7ea2-5123-411a-899c-895a1c6929c3.gif
Let her rip, sir!
↓
78b37eac-b5b2-4bf1-b438-08c15c0adc29.gif
One hundred percent approval.
approvalhundredhundred-percentpercent
↓
856eed7b-a60a-4684-b438-9605e77a46aa.gif
Whoopsie! I’ll be right back!
whoopsie
↓
e244ddf5-88d3-418a-aa40-21d18e12af12.gif
- Sir! - I just gotta get the thing...
↓
bd071268-4f91-453d-836e-bdfbef710ebb.gif
How is that going to work?
↓
64b29a0b-808d-470e-8dec-99a6cca8098a.gif
Give it to me. Give me that hive!
hive
↓
5cd85b11-cf54-464b-9555-2f3b27f6bf6d.gif
Mother forgive me. Just forgive me. I need it.
forgivemother
↓
014567e2-0b8c-4dd7-883f-adb11ce5fc05.gif
- Holy....Shit! - Shit!
holy
↓
abd8c191-b41b-4ba9-ac5a-671b2586fbf3.gif
Loved ones are gathered here to reunite with the captives,
gatheredlovedones
↓
76321359-0c29-4cd9-9f4b-295c524065e0.gif
who appear to walking, quite eagerly, and now running,
appearrunningwalking
↓
e8ac142b-b050-42d4-b804-116fbe1c2fc6.gif
in perfect unison, toward them, such a beautiful scene, everyone kissing.
kissingperfectscene
↓
33c74dd6-bde3-420e-b7c2-5b097e08f3cc.gif
And now everyone that got kisses is kissing everyone else.
kisseskissing
↓
48e3e349-8628-4a79-925d-e8e0cfcfea72.gif
Heartfelt, almost disgusting kisses,
disgustingkisses
↓
16070833-5a47-495e-bad0-cae22aaa0991.gif
the wave of affection is headed in all directions, hello, sir...
affectiondirectionsheadedwave
↓
c80769b3-8a22-4e96-9cdc-5390a84ed747.gif
The President has saved us. He’s the best President,
bestpresidentsaved
↓
797a0d8b-1530-4d31-b51c-8497ad1fbb9e.gif
the best man, really, ever, his mother was wrong.
bestmother
↓
cb13fbd0-bb75-4212-a623-44912805b363.gif
Did somebody close the lady tunnel?
closeladysomebodytunnel
↓
3f051176-b78c-4c1f-9a63-601341c8b48e.gif
- Hey, Rick, was Unity - - She’s gone and I don’t care!
caregonerick
↓
810b5cfa-db79-49da-a1d5-390fed78a4e2.gif
I think she’s back.
↓
abf211bd-298b-4769-9156-547de0d3586f.gif
Someone order cranky dick?
crankydickorder
↓
b8244239-13c1-488d-9841-889f9619c2db.gif
- I said I was sorry. - No you didn’t.
↓
98d00fa8-9a62-4bb3-a368-07ab00263dbb.gif
I said it quietly, shut up.
quietly
↓
b1a23795-ba1b-4a54-942d-db529e91299f.gif
puked on everyone in the country?
countrypuked
↓
9b6ab8a6-9cdb-44cb-9755-d56a0c68abda.gif
It’s simple, News Man. They puke in love of President.
lovenewspresidentpukesimple
↓
9a7ad043-5713-4361-9ec9-0e28e57785f2.gif
We approve of the President. Everyone does.
approvepresident
↓
f54a6355-bbc9-4e93-93ed-54da307889e9.gif
Sorry, Governor but you’re making me bring Shonda into this.
bringgovernor
↓
211dca86-1821-4d7c-b09e-79187e93ffde.gif
Thanks, Tom. Governor,
governorthanks
↓
a997eb01-4d8b-48b2-a73e-c035aa9cd977.gif
I can assure you that no matter how you personally may feel...
assurematterpersonally
↓
72c2cb59-05dc-47ad-89ec-9b016a61c62a.gif
Good president. President good good good.
president
↓
82477a78-10c9-4c82-aabf-000574919cfd.gif
Are you okay? Josh just vomited into your mou...
joshvomited
↓
07d5e88f-35ce-4fc8-bc17-4a0cf2d7cd55.gif
I get it now. What a President!
president
↓
0c400b44-c04e-47ab-ab10-a9f8c66a9514.gif
- Approval here! - President approved!
approvalapprovedpresident
↓
20e4e908-1b20-48f7-9d59-5b032a4e5373.gif
I thought Unity promised to never do this.
promised
↓
0a88faa4-4227-48f2-b462-519964466704.gif
That’s not Unity.
↓
a1a8abd4-200b-46ee-9abd-95e8650d2e9b.gif
- You kids stay inside and lock up. - Dad’s still out shopping.
dadskidslockshopping
↓
460297a5-565c-41c8-bf1d-2242c8a2a430.gif
Then stay inside, lock up and plug your ears.
earslockplug
↓
131ccb89-79d5-45cc-9130-6380cb1297ca.gif
Where are you going?
↓
49cad1f7-df2f-476d-9a16-61c4fe4fbb29.gif
Therapy.
therapy
↓
f5246a2e-d5c7-4afd-ba8b-a0f10216e5f3.gif
Thank God.
↓
4304b159-8737-4b04-9648-268188725c1d.gif
You’re rehired.
↓
da04ba0d-a212-49d0-a0a8-fa57c4df24a5.gif
- Is that Unity? - It’s your boyfriend.
boyfriend
↓
250fc4aa-cea9-491c-a92f-11b81374f968.gif
He must have linked with the severed hive-mind.
hivemindmustsevered
↓
4bc052f7-ef56-48ec-8330-4fecadb9a64c.gif
He’s going to assimilate the earth faster than I can fight it.
earthfasterfight
↓
f7d5ccbb-35a2-4125-8892-6429c148f517.gif
- And you want me to talk to him. - There’s no talking to him.
↓
f765c7c3-4ad1-4cb4-9ba5-4f1f31ae10b4.gif
No human mind can keep itself together while controlling millions of people.
controllinghumanmillionsmind
↓
32b31a42-e974-4999-81db-30759f4b6aea.gif
- So where are we going? - I need Unity’s help.
↓
274be873-9dbb-443f-a575-6735b655b9bf.gif
So you need to convince her I’m worth it.
convinceworth
↓
af14e31d-0e61-4a12-940e-6c2e67425491.gif
- You aren’t. - So lie.
↓
eb60b460-f72f-4e3e-82ee-c72cc4cbdd3a.gif
Inbound vessel detected.
vessel
↓
3bf93872-5bfa-43a8-a443-c32d00ccfb6f.gif
- Tell him to turn around. - Tell me in person.
person
↓
9b06566d-e1c5-4ba3-b97b-fc736f7a40cc.gif
- I’m already here. - God damnit.
damnit
↓
c0278fad-e9cf-4d45-8ec3-9bc831e596b0.gif
- But your ship was just... - You have your gimmicks, I have mine.
ship
↓
30e7d8ac-f910-4616-bb11-a454c41bce4f.gif
This is my therapist, she can vouch for me.
therapist
↓
7d7f79df-b065-4a5c-8fa7-037e16e33788.gif
We met. She was me for a second. What do you want, Rick?
ricksecond
↓
a4702eb4-ed09-441e-b339-2d2c8013b7b2.gif
Look, it’s clear you weren’t lying
clearlying
↓
059864ca-cf4c-4c09-ab05-d58b8ba823de.gif
when you said you could’ve taken over Earth
couldveearthtaken
↓
45209f55-463c-4249-a844-e6b9ce78e262.gif
because your finger just took over America.
americafinger
↓
a353f366-fb9a-4292-84d1-737983896f4e.gif
I need you to help me fix that.
↓
ebc33209-c885-45e1-8898-525eae7bef1f.gif
- It took that to make you believe me? - Why should I believe you?
believe
↓
fb3c45e8-df74-4b73-9929-c48cc050bdc1.gif
You show up unannounced and hijack a state.
state
↓
70a381e4-7010-4639-8fc9-b2a91da2f878.gif
I called you! Multiple times!
calledmultipletimes
↓
83a01db7-ec58-482f-95db-0fc0cc11511c.gif
You ghosted me.
↓
5017f204-5ef2-4702-8356-687aa2ecf484.gif
Rick, is that true?
rick
↓
20c89567-f73f-4530-bf23-f3cac5a644de.gif
She dumped me, why would I answer her calls?
answercallsdumped
↓
e5dc0ec1-6076-42c7-a8ab-2a9c7ea5a0d9.gif
Alright, I’m gonna commit a cardinal sin in couple’s therapy here, but Rick,
alrightcommitcouplescouples-therapyricktherapy
↓
070d3a4e-4836-4384-9008-871c4d0b5b18.gif
- I think you’re wrong. - Bringing you was a mistake.
bringingmistake
↓
0a54ed72-bb4d-435f-b7c3-54dd5efed127.gif
You had an outer space lady who was worried for your life
ladylifeouterouter-spacespaceworried
↓
ec5fde10-67d8-4cd1-8f1c-11b3e24fe3aa.gif
and your response was hostile enough to cause a huge problem.
hostilehugeproblemresponse
↓
c2849b08-51a5-4649-a727-055f11ae3b16.gif
Thank you.
↓
a06a1dfe-dd0b-4e80-8f5b-fbaec72c6f96.gif
Now you’re asking her to both forgive you and solve it?
askingforgivesolve
↓
bdd32daa-d0b2-4193-8636-9149685ab399.gif
Unity, I think the reason Rick brought me here is
broughtreasonrick
↓
aa813fc9-2915-4303-847a-53f02b1f9cbc.gif
that he doesn’t know how to indicate to you he’s changed,
changedindicate
↓
046909be-7e95-43cf-a186-3a6b4370cbeb.gif
because he’s changing very slowly.
changingslowly
↓
543719c0-7854-4c7e-b297-32e0a28342a8.gif
But he is.
↓
9a7f6f66-8ea9-4616-84ad-0b319ac11b9c.gif
Alright, anyone else wanna call me a baby?
alrightbaby
↓
998db6f3-8830-4f36-a122-5a4212978c05.gif
Maybe we can drag this out until Earth is fully assimilated?
dragearthfully
↓
95481b2d-ad24-479a-bd03-efd404789663.gif
Alright, so you’re asking for an invasion.
alrightasking
↓
01a4096e-abf9-4c8c-ac02-dd1e2c155498.gif
Hold ‘em back! They love me, they just forgot!
forgotlove
↓
c912ca79-ef92-49bb-b25c-6d969bf6c149.gif
They just forgot! They just forgot!
forgot
↓
e0874cbe-17f8-4c01-86fb-1a35dc46d0e7.gif
No! Stop! You love me!
love
↓
d334ff22-88ce-432f-869a-8fe8a62a4509.gif
Why’re you stopping?
stopping
↓
b6944d28-09f4-4e01-a769-3eb8ffa4ade1.gif
I’ve won you over?
↓
e72c5219-c049-4739-bcd4-36aef5c4972e.gif
Good! You’re here!
↓
7f765a0a-67c2-4e7f-8870-720178fd3d20.gif
Unity, kept them warm for you.
warm
↓
bd1026d1-539a-4a80-9153-a013d8fea8fd.gif
They went a little crazy but, anyway, seems like this is all over.
crazyseems
↓
cf6228b9-2429-41a2-bb3a-946622db326e.gif
Helen, we could grab some coffee?
coffeegrabhelen
↓
f557132c-afc3-402f-b842-666eb650c7f2.gif
Wait Unity, what are you doing?
↓
e9e53b69-38f5-4cdf-a956-4e4062a4b374.gif
Alright, Rick, that’s everyone.
alrightrick
↓
517f860b-fce1-4b99-91a1-2b67d018dcdc.gif
Nice job, Une.
↓
4d2a51f2-4e14-463c-9c28-6904d23dbe70.gif
Well. This has been quite a session.
session
↓
a7f3142c-7c1a-4f9a-816f-e1969dac7f5b.gif
Hope you do group discounts.
grouphope
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Actually, just send the bill to the White House.
billhousesendwhitewhite-house
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I wouldn’t be doing this for anyone else, Rick.
rick
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It was nice to team up again.
team
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No, I mean I wouldn’t be doing it.
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I’ve never released hundreds of millions of people before.
hundredsmillionsreleased
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This is gonna suck.
suck
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Here... it’s over. Nice job, Une.
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I’m fine.
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You want a painkiller?
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I’m on a few of them right now.
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No thank you.
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I mean, you can hang out if you want,
hang
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come see the kids,
kids
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I trust you now.
trust
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That’s nice but I don’t trust you.
trust
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Fair enough.
fair
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Hey Rick, it’s Unity.
rick
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Give me a call, okay?
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Hey Rick, Unity. Look, cards on the table,
cardsricktable
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I heard you were going after that guy again.
heard
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Just made me worried, give me a call.
worried
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Look I get it, I dumped you, you’re ignoring me.
dumpedignoring
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But, I care about you and I just wanna know you’re alright.
alrightcare
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Hey Rick, listen I’m just gonna stop by Virginia, okay?
rickvirginia
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I don’t know what state you live in
livestate
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but I’ll camp out there and try to reach you.
campreach
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Hope you’re okay.
hope
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Hey, Rick. David Miscavige here.
davidrick
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Heard you were saying some really great things about Scientology.
heard
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- If you ever wanna meet Travolta... - And playback.
meet
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You uh, really went all in on that approval?
approval
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Shonda’s gonna eat me alive.
alive
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- Fuck em. - Thanks, Rick.
fuckrickthanks
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Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think I might need therapy.
mighttherapy
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And we’re back with Mr Stabby.
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What do you say to people who say, "I don’t want to get stabbed.
stabbed
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I want to go a show,
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I have a right to not get stabbed."
stabbed
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Well, Gary, I have a right to arms and legs.
armsgarylegs
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But I wasn’t born with those.
born
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And I don’t think that means I should be
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boxed out of an industry where, let’s face
boxedfaceindustry
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it, there’s zero representation of people with swords for arms and legs.
armslegsrepresentationswordszero
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But do you have to take questions from the audience?
audiencequestions
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People come to my show because they want the experience.
experience
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If they didn’t want it, they’d stop coming.
comingtheyd
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Your show has resulted in the deaths of 58,000 attendees.
attendeesdeaths
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Well, you’re talking about it.