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Rick and Morty

Season 6, Episode 9 — A Rick in King Mortur's Mort

TMDB episode metadata
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- Why are we waiting in line for food? - It’s a pop-up.
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It’s a rare, pop-up restaurant thing that only enters our solar system...
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Rick, you’re gonna spoil your appetite.
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That’s a weird way to say I’m gonna stop being hungry by eating food, but whatever.
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- Three crispy, four wiggling. - You’re probably not even hungry,
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you just don’t like lines because they aren’t about you.
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Another weirdly aggressive way to describe a friend respecting themselves.
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What a wonderful thing to say!
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I was merely inspired by the wonderful thing you said!
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- Sirs? Guys? You dropped this! - Please take it as a reward!
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- So courteous! - How nice it will be for you to eat
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what you were willing to stand in line for so much sooner!
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Oh no, that’s okay. I came to stand in line and then eat.
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I wouldn’t wanna do it differently.
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Dear fellow, I choose this moment to surrender my sword
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so that you may succeed me as the newest Knight of the Sun.
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What? No. I didn’t even want your sandwich. I don’t want your sword.
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Oh, believe me, son. You want it.
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I don’t understand. You’re knights? With a K? Of the Sun with a U or, or an O?
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Your alphabet is of no concern here.
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We are sworn defenders of Helios, the center of this system.
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Okay, so it’s Sun with a u.
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Oh, God. Morty, don’t take the sword.
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Oh, I’m shocked you’re against something, Rick.
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- You know these guys? - I know how they’re dressed
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and how boring this sounds. You take that sword,
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you’re gonna get sucked into a whole complicated, oh shit!
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Come on, take it.
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I mean, if that kid’s not gonna
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- take the sword... - He didn’t offer it to you.
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Sorry, can I just ask some stuff, what does a Knight of the Sun do?
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He takes the sword, for one thing.
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You know what, maybe you made a bad call. He, he doesn’t want the sword.
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- I didn’t say that. - Well you sure aren’t taking it!
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- Would you just take a random... - Obviously I would, yes!
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And I did! Best decision of my life! And you’re shitting on it!
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Excuse me? Is this just a free sword?
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- No! - I’m taking the sword!
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- Thank you, Dawnling. What is your name? - Morty.
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Now it is Sir Mortaniel. I made it a little knightier. Good day.
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Wait, did he just...
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Goddammit, Morty! You took the sword?! So boring!
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Oh like you’re not at this point? You drunk cranky fuck!
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You guys still gonna stand in line? Y ou’re not gonna take this food?
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The pop up pays us to stand here.
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- To drive up business. - Knew it.
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Everyone! Sir Helios’ successor, Sir Mortaniel!
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We’ve done it since the dawn of dawns.
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Yep. There it is in stained glass. It’s official.
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And I’m not judging it. And I’m not doing it.
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People really live here?
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This is nuts, I thought it was a metaphor.
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We have to go!
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Boy. They’re not messing around?
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- How are you not burning? - Oh, it’s just science,
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which, unless I’m misinterpreting, is clearly not a priority here.
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Okay, c’mon lil Junebug, I won’t rub your face in this one,
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I’m guessing you’re feeling pretty stupid.
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Yes. Thank you.
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Sir Helios gave his life with that sword. Mortaniel took it.
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He cannot leave unless he bests me in combat.
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Okay, one sec. I’m guessing these guys are like pseudo immortalish since they
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live on the sun, so playing by their rules might be the fastest way out of this.
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- Just best him in combat. - What?
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Here. This sword uses AI to learn from an opponent’s attacks.
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- So I have to get attacked first? - No, no, no,
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the sword has already seen Blade. And loved it. You’ll be fine.
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- By golly! Oh crickey. - Oh! Blimey. I say!
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- Okay, so we’re done here. - No. We’re not done.
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I am done. You are now King of the Sun.
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- Protect the Scepter always. - No, no, I don’t want to.
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Well how is that supposed to work? He’s King, but he was never even a knight?
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- I mean that’s stupid. - it’s definitely a
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- sun first. - A king with a penis?
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Well what do you want from me?
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- All hail King Mortaniel! - All hail King Mortaniel!
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As your King, I hereby declare a vacation, for me,
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I’ll come visit you guys, on like, Sun Days. Sundays.
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If I forget, just wait a week, keep doing that, keep the crown, peace.
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Hell yeah! See? That’s from when he’s fighting Deacon Frost!
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I don’t know. I thought it was cool.
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- Okay, so. - So? Oh.
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So you dragged me to a fake restaurant, yelled at me
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for not doing what you wanted, then did something I told you not to
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and it almost cost you your pud, but I saved your life
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and now you’re waiting for me to make you feel like shit about it.
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That’s, yeah, you nailed it.
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Morty, I’m sorry I let your opinion of me get this low.
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- Alright, I get it. - There’s nothing to get,
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I’m for real. Look, I’m a drunk, I’m a psychopath, I’m a murderer,
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but when you called me boring.
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- I shouldn’t have... - I needed to hear it.
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And you took the stupid sword and I was like, holy crap,
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this is who I am to this kid, he just does the opposite of my advice now,
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I mean I, I gotta fix that, so I’m gonna be like
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twenty two percent more agreeable with you for like, maybe one episode,
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or one adventure. We’ll see how it goes.
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- Is twenty two percent a lot? - Well I’m not gonna tell you
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of our time together I’m usually mean to you because it’ll hurt your stupid
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feelings but twenty two is substantial, you’re gonna feel the difference.
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Okay. I mean, I appreciate it.
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You should, because you made a real mess with these guys.
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- Oh man.
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- Sire! - You can’t leave!
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Go away!
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My king, it is our duty to follow you ‘til the sun sets on our watch!
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I mean, it set yesterday, so you’re done. Bye.
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Sire, the sun never sets on the sun.
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- Can you get rid of them? - You want me to...
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Well, you guys know he can kill you, right?
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I think he’d find that quite difficult, sire, but if it pleases you!
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Can’t I just tell you it pleases me for you to go away?
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- No. Not really. - So you’d rather die than leave me alone.
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- Yes! - Yes!
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- A pheasant plucked for my good king, - A pheasant plucked for my good king,
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- A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing! - A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing!
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These guys live on our sun? I’ve never heard of them.
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I don’t see them doing a lot to earn interplanetary fame.
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I beg your pardon, wizard, the Knights of the Sun protect the solar scepter.
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Around which even this world turns.
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You do mean that, like symbolically, right?
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Oh quite literally. The Scepter is the center of the solar system.
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All planets orbit it.
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We keep it on the sun so that Jupiter and Saturn don’t bump into each other.
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- Oh my god. - They don’t even know sixth grade science.
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That’s it.
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Yeah, so there you have it.
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Traditions suck ass and your most foundational beliefs are total bullshit.
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We’re supposed to take your word for it?
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Anyone can draw circles on a board and spout numbers.
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Yes, this sounds like a fun theory, sire,
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but it would take more than this for us to give up...
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Okay so how do you guys think it works again?
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- Well, the Scepter... - Oh you mean this old thing?
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You want it? Here. Take it back home. It’s a symbol.
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It’s your culture. That’s not the same as reality.
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Does this mean we cut off our penises for absolutely no reason?
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That’s the bad news. The good news is, you’re free.
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- Oh that stings. - Fuck this knights shit.
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A query? I just used your computer phone to search despair.
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- Where can I get this heroin? - I’m not telling you that.
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No matter, I’m seeing from most of your song lyrics that I can get it anywhere.
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You guys, someone just used critical thinking and basic physics
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to destroy their first entire religion.
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- Nice! - Good job, Morty!
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- So no more sun-tourage? - Yep. All done.
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Plus, Rick and I both learned to support each other better.
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So that’s it, we’re done. Feels early, but we’re done.
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What’s happening? Appliances are breaking that I haven’t touched.
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Maybe the sun is celebrating?
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The Sons of the Moon are storming the Walkway! Doesn’t matter.
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Their aggression will be kept in check
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by a host of interplanetary treaties and alliances.
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It’s very complicated, but as long as The Knights of the Sun stand together,
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the solar system will always have complete political stability
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where are the Knights of the Sun, by the way? I’m done pooping.
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Did the Knights of the Sun disband?
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While I was pooping? Sun-kward.
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How many planets in our solar system have these clowns?
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I guess if the sun can support life, any planet can, I mean,
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maybe we all descended from a common ancestor?
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Haven’t you seen, like, all of the universes?
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Exactly, so why would I hang out on Pluto? That’s some Jerry-league shit.
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If the Sons of the Moon can attack the sun,
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why should the Viscounts of Venus continue sitting in Saturn’s shadow?
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How’s this for a reason: we got all the rings and all the balls!
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- Oh fuck you! - Really?
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If the Saturno Venusian detente is no longer honored,
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I declare you all moons of Jupiter.
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Because that’s what you are to us! A bunch of moons!
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Do the Knights of the Sun plan to protect Mercury from this chaos?
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Because if we’re on our own, there’s a new, very tiny sun in town.
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It’s all you, pal.
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Hello? Don’t I have, like, authority over this Sons of the Moon meeting?
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That all depends. Who the hell are you?
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This guy’s the King of the Sun!
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- Holy shit the king of the sun. - Wait when did this happen?
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Then tell your Knights to do their jobs!
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Yes, your majesty. We all know the sun’s power lives and dies with your knights.
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- Who are you? - Who am... Who...
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I am the Marquis of Mars! And i declare war on all of you!
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War on all of you!
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Where are the Knights of the Sun when we need them most?
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- Funny you should ask. - They’re gone.
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They’ve abandoned their duties.
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- I see it in the bones. - Damn, the bones nailed it.
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Okay, so you have space ships and magic ladies?
6d199c13-a450-4345-bfde-89f953fdc884.gif
Look, I’m not gonna read all the books,
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what will it take to let this Sons of the Moon fiasco resolve itself.
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Excuse me. How did you become King of the Sun? You look like an Earthling.
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- Santa? - Santa?
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What the hell is that, I’m the Earl of Earth goddammit.
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I agree with Earth on one thing.
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Venus questions the legitimacy of this King’s authority.
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- My people say I say aye! Never! - That sun shall be ours!
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I’m the King! I’ve got the scepter right here!
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What the fuck?
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Yeah yeah I know you’re freaking out because it’s not on the sun.
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No, because whoever has it
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- rules the solar system! - It’s up for grabs, get it!
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After it!
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Yes! Yes! I have the scepter.
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Soon Jupiter will be the center of our solar system’s newest dark age...
079b0d73-309a-4b06-b43e-f802a9432fac.gif
Fuck that, Mercury will now be the shining beacon of...
c0954802-8908-439c-83d0-4ab72b49d840.gif
Time to throw it all against the wall!
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I think you crushed it.
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I mean, not just anybody can start Solar War One.
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- Stop supporting me! - Can do.
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Goodbye, blue sky
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Goodbye, blue sky Goodbye
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Goodbye
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Did you see the frightened ones?
352d8398-002b-46c1-a2a5-5b93eb3244ab.gif
Did you hear the falling bombs?
c9fac258-b8f6-4c2f-9704-0d94a4a83738.gif
Did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter when the
0bcfa293-7ee0-4d48-b955-563791f73096.gif
Promise of a brave new world unfurled beneath a clear blue Sky?
3e67658b-2e6d-4fdb-a6d0-45814712619b.gif
Did you see the frightened ones?
9cc3429d-1b52-4f90-90d4-e499ce57ebe5.gif
Did you hear the falling bombs?
7b0d1cec-c5fc-4762-99cb-09cf1d7c6614.gif
The flames are all long gone, but the pain lingers on
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Goodbye, blue sky
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Goodbye, blue sky Goodbye
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Goodbye
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Damn, who would have thought giving the Amish nukes
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- would threaten the solar system? - Maybe we should just jump universes.
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I don’t know buddy, feels like we’re kind of more about trying out commitment now,
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ya know? Let’s put our heads together, maybe there’s something
b9d24896-fcae-4d38-9f9c-524a74a157c1.gif
- we haven’t tried yet. - Oh, here’s an idea. Fuck you!
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- Hey! - Rick, I can’t take it,
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I admit I’m wrong, I screwed up,
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you’re killing me here yes-anding me to death, what is this, Vat of Acid again?
b961b5ba-4623-4f6c-999a-ca884fbdf502.gif
Look man, I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick in the past
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that you think I’m doing a thing here.
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I’m honestly just trying to do better by you.
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- Are you a robot? - Morty!
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- A clone? - Morty!
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This family’s got enough clones and robots in it.
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Come on, Morty, stop asking what you’re asking
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and let’s just get back to our crisis.
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I’m sorry, it’s just been a hard road with you, Rick.
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Morty, I get that but you can trust me when I say
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I’m just trying to do right by you.
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Okay, Rick. You’re right, maybe I just need to round up some Knights?
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If I disillusioned the old ones, I’ll just have to reillusion them.
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It shouldn’t be that hard, right?
e61d91bb-7009-40c6-b88e-43087f8337de.gif
Cousins, we need to return to the walkway at once!
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Why are you laughing,
89a9cecb-e646-474c-b781-737abae8b3b0.gif
- did I say something funny? - Oh, Mortaniel!
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The only person we bend the knee to these days is that sweet Black Betty.
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- Yeah man, all hail Mr. Brownstone! - And his doctor. Feelgood that is!
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They’re talking about heroin, Morty, they like it.
842696b8-f580-4022-a48a-01a503204241.gif
- Obviously. - Obviously?
c0b158db-4fd9-4596-b118-5340a0f8b9d0.gif
Apparently living on the sun has turned our veins into triple-bonded carbon,
6174e6b3-b2fa-42d2-9e50-6d53be1e54be.gif
so try this tale on for size, Mortaniel.
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- We can’t OD! - C’mon, you guys are a mess.
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Well, they actually seem kinda awesome, Morty.
e3cffeed-e5ba-4504-8739-fb58cad147b1.gif
Lemme be your king. I admit I wanted what you once had.
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Brotherhood, tradition, stability, purpose.
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I just didn’t want to cut my dick off for it.
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Yeah that’s the point. We were quick to follow this boy before,
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without even forcing him to commit to our traditions.
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And all he did was break our faith and our walkway. And now,
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this random fucking guy is here again to tell us what to do? No fucking way.
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What if I cut off my dick?
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But you’d be cutting it off for no reason.
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Yeah that’s the point of tradition, doing things for no reason,
c2391bc2-1c75-4a90-8f56-6e3d77a107ca.gif
but it’d be reason enough doing it for you guys.
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Well you do that, that would compete with heroin.
7298e7e9-9902-4fd1-8181-6620b99452b4.gif
Cool, cool can I maybe get maybe a minute?
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Buddy, what’s up? Reaching some sad conclusions about your situation?
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Yes, but that walkway needs those knights,
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those knights need a king and that king needs no dick!
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Damn, Morty, you really are stepping up.
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Now do you want me to help you not have to
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- cut your dick off though? - Yes please!
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- Then I got you. - You really mean it, Rick?
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Of course, buddy. I’ll give you a fake dick.
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With three layers of failsafes, they’ll never know the difference.
e86870bb-aead-4f8c-891f-20260bfcfb64.gif
Morty. We’re gonna make your dick so fake, buddy.
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The signal!
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- Sir the Knights of the Sun are once more! - Hold fire!
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If this return to the Old Ways is true,
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I’d be willing to return home and put an end to the bloodshed.
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Sir, Shall we hold off on the anti matter hydrogen bombing?
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Those crusty knights won’t do the sun much good without their...
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Let’s hear them out.
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I, Lithdor, son of Thrifdor personally oversee the stumping of thy King’s stem.
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If his stem burns true, peace will be restored between the spheres!
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Present the shears of stumping!
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- Morty the brave! You got this, my king! - Yes! Good for you!
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First thing’s first,
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step through this machine which checks for nano technological hologram dicks.
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- What? - War opened our eyes
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to the wonders of new technologies! Please, step through my liege.
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Sorry, my lord, but we’re gonna need you to step through this second machine
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- which checks for emergency clone dicks. - Oh wow,
9b1bd77b-0381-47b9-8f8b-73bb877c79d6.gif
you guys really embraced a lot of specific new tech.
3042abb0-13b5-440f-b158-647bdde9946e.gif
- A sunspot! - What? Where?
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Boy, is that a third detector I see as well?
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You’ll find out after the second one, we don’t like to reveal them
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until the previous detecting threshold
ad208372-9c9d-4c88-a867-321dd5020681.gif
- has been crossed. - Right.
f5028db8-7111-443b-bba6-558de625035c.gif
The third detector is going to scan for a prosthetic dick.
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- Oh good. - Okay well go on through,
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and of course, by prosthetic we mean witchcraft dick.
8d70934b-8ce4-4863-bee1-341dc3613997.gif
- Shit. - Fuck!
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I sense one! The bones say he’s still packin’!
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Can’t get nothin’ past the chicken bone lady. Just testing her.
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Stump. Thy. Stem.
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Morty? Morty, don’t answer out loud, can you hear me? It’s Rick,
48525ccb-1818-4236-8fb2-75fd04ba0595.gif
- I’m talking to you with my mind. - Yeah I can hear you.
067f13ee-22eb-459c-a2d1-b20d2990eb96.gif
- You said that out loud, don’t speak. - Sorry. Sorry.
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I uplinked a telepathic nano satellite so we could hear each other’s thoughts,
014ff8f1-0fd4-4808-9b88-42ef20f31108.gif
carefully do everything I tell you in the exact order I tell you to do it.
9e9bd294-267b-4171-9382-4456548679a4.gif
- Okay. - Grab the scissors.
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Okay. Got the scissors.
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- Now run. - Oh shit, shit!
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Guards, seize them!
07bb2f0e-c7d8-45a3-8ef2-c16941589411.gif
Run? You couldn’t have just said that?!
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You don’t have to use telepathy anymore,
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you can just ask your rhetorical questions out loud!
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I don’t understand, Rick.
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Here’s something that’s easy to understand buddy,
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I’m proud of you for trying to solve your own shit.
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- I didn’t want to have to do this. - It’s okay this time,
b3f55dba-4b48-49d0-97f5-7948cd31b035.gif
we don’t have any choice.
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- I love you, Rick. - Love you too, buddy.
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And that’s when King Morty and Rick were left with no choice
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but to leap into the sun.
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Such shame he felt for what he’d done to our society, sacrificing his dick
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wasn’t enough, he gave his entire body and wizard servant as well.
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And after a while, their sun-proof bones floated up to the top.
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We even checked with a royal ladle to ensure it was real sun,
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not just them hiding beneath in a vat of fake sun.
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Such a violent death. And finally when our grief could bear no more,
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we decided to abolish our medieval act of stem stumping.
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And we have King Morty the Molten to thank for that!
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- Morty the Molten! King Morty the Molten! - Morty the Molten! King Morty the Molten!
f2628550-14cd-4de0-b044-7782f698d96f.gif
See, Morty? Worked like a charm!
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Aren’t we risking it all coming back here?
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Morty, we had to know, plus the heat, it’s good for my joints.
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King Mortaniel? You’re alive?
00b229e7-4f6f-4d2e-9e3a-81123a9dd5c5.gif
Yeah, go tell everybody. Your reward’s gonna be cutting off your own dick.
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Right. Point taken. RIP and cheerio.
c1236492-4646-4e07-b68d-9c399496b159.gif
- One crispy, one wriggling. - Coming right up.
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- Three loozums. - How ‘bout ten years? In jail.
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Special Agent Mongo Bongo, you’re under arrest for illegal hot dog trafficking.
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Be free, my little babies.
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Surprised they actually made it.
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Kinda thought maybe some birds would swoop down or...
efb9e234-453e-4475-b3f4-3261335733f8.gif
I jinxed it!