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Home » Rick and Morty » S06E09 — A Rick in King Mortur's Mort

Rick and Morty

Season 6, Episode 9 — A Rick in King Mortur's Mort

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Rick and Morty
Episode title: A Rick in King Mortur's Mort
Air date: December 04, 2022
Director: Jacob Hair
Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke
Things are heating up, y'know what I mean, broh?
Source: TMDB
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- Why are we waiting in line for food? - It’s a pop-up.
foodlinewaiting
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It’s a rare, pop-up restaurant thing that only enters our solar system...
entersrarerestaurantsolarsolar-systemsystem
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Rick, you’re gonna spoil your appetite.
appetiterickspoil
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That’s a weird way to say I’m gonna stop being hungry by eating food, but whatever.
eatingfoodhungryweird
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- Three crispy, four wiggling. - You’re probably not even hungry,
crispyfourhungrythree
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you just don’t like lines because they aren’t about you.
lines
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Another weirdly aggressive way to describe a friend respecting themselves.
aggressiveanotherdescribefriendrespecting
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What a wonderful thing to say!
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I was merely inspired by the wonderful thing you said!
inspiredmerely
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- Sirs? Guys? You dropped this! - Please take it as a reward!
droppedrewardsirs
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- So courteous! - How nice it will be for you to eat
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what you were willing to stand in line for so much sooner!
linesoonerstandwilling
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Oh no, that’s okay. I came to stand in line and then eat.
linestand
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I wouldn’t wanna do it differently.
differently
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Dear fellow, I choose this moment to surrender my sword
choosedearfellowmomentsurrendersword
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so that you may succeed me as the newest Knight of the Sun.
knightnewestsucceed
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What? No. I didn’t even want your sandwich. I don’t want your sword.
sandwichsword
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Oh, believe me, son. You want it.
believe
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I don’t understand. You’re knights? With a K? Of the Sun with a U or, or an O?
knights
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Your alphabet is of no concern here.
concern
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We are sworn defenders of Helios, the center of this system.
centerswornsystem
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Okay, so it’s Sun with a u.
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Oh, God. Morty, don’t take the sword.
mortysword
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Oh, I’m shocked you’re against something, Rick.
rickshocked
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- You know these guys? - I know how they’re dressed
dressed
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and how boring this sounds. You take that sword,
boringsoundssword
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you’re gonna get sucked into a whole complicated, oh shit!
complicatedsuckedwhole
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Come on, take it.
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I mean, if that kid’s not gonna
kids
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- take the sword... - He didn’t offer it to you.
offersword
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Sorry, can I just ask some stuff, what does a Knight of the Sun do?
knightstuff
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He takes the sword, for one thing.
swordtakes
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You know what, maybe you made a bad call. He, he doesn’t want the sword.
sword
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- I didn’t say that. - Well you sure aren’t taking it!
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- Would you just take a random... - Obviously I would, yes!
obviouslyrandom
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And I did! Best decision of my life! And you’re shitting on it!
bestdecisionlifeshitting
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Excuse me? Is this just a free sword?
excusefreesword
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- No! - I’m taking the sword!
sword
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- Thank you, Dawnling. What is your name? - Morty.
mortyname
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Now it is Sir Mortaniel. I made it a little knightier. Good day.
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Wait, did he just...
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Goddammit, Morty! You took the sword?! So boring!
boringgoddammitmortysword
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Oh like you’re not at this point? You drunk cranky fuck!
crankydrunkfuckpoint
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You guys still gonna stand in line? Y ou’re not gonna take this food?
foodlinestand
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The pop up pays us to stand here.
paysstand
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- To drive up business. - Knew it.
businessdrive
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Everyone! Sir Helios’ successor, Sir Mortaniel!
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We’ve done it since the dawn of dawns.
dawn
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Yep. There it is in stained glass. It’s official.
glassofficialstained
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And I’m not judging it. And I’m not doing it.
judging
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People really live here?
live
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This is nuts, I thought it was a metaphor.
metaphornuts
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We have to go!
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Boy. They’re not messing around?
messing
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- How are you not burning? - Oh, it’s just science,
burningscience
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which, unless I’m misinterpreting, is clearly not a priority here.
priority
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Okay, c’mon lil Junebug, I won’t rub your face in this one,
face
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I’m guessing you’re feeling pretty stupid.
feelingguessingstupid
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Yes. Thank you.
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Sir Helios gave his life with that sword. Mortaniel took it.
lifesword
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He cannot leave unless he bests me in combat.
cannotcombat
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Okay, one sec. I’m guessing these guys are like pseudo immortalish since they
guessing
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live on the sun, so playing by their rules might be the fastest way out of this.
fastestlivemightplayingrules
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- Just best him in combat. - What?
bestcombat
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Here. This sword uses AI to learn from an opponent’s attacks.
attackslearnsworduses
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- So I have to get attacked first? - No, no, no,
attacked
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the sword has already seen Blade. And loved it. You’ll be fine.
bladelovedseensword
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- By golly! Oh crickey. - Oh! Blimey. I say!
golly
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- Okay, so we’re done here. - No. We’re not done.
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I am done. You are now King of the Sun.
king
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- Protect the Scepter always. - No, no, I don’t want to.
protect
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Well how is that supposed to work? He’s King, but he was never even a knight?
kingknightsupposed
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- I mean that’s stupid. - it’s definitely a
stupid
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- sun first. - A king with a penis?
kingpenis
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Well what do you want from me?
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- All hail King Mortaniel! - All hail King Mortaniel!
hailking
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As your King, I hereby declare a vacation, for me,
declareherebykingvacation
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I’ll come visit you guys, on like, Sun Days. Sundays.
dayssundaysvisit
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If I forget, just wait a week, keep doing that, keep the crown, peace.
crownforgetpeaceweek
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Hell yeah! See? That’s from when he’s fighting Deacon Frost!
fightingfrost
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I don’t know. I thought it was cool.
cool
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- Okay, so. - So? Oh.
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So you dragged me to a fake restaurant, yelled at me
draggedfakerestaurantyelled
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for not doing what you wanted, then did something I told you not to
wanted
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and it almost cost you your pud, but I saved your life
costlifesaved
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and now you’re waiting for me to make you feel like shit about it.
waiting
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d5dbc6e2-6251-4d04-823c-4c4c30f23538.gif
That’s, yeah, you nailed it.
nailed
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Morty, I’m sorry I let your opinion of me get this low.
mortyopinion
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- Alright, I get it. - There’s nothing to get,
alright
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I’m for real. Look, I’m a drunk, I’m a psychopath, I’m a murderer,
drunkmurdererpsychopathreal
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but when you called me boring.
boringcalled
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- I shouldn’t have... - I needed to hear it.
needed
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And you took the stupid sword and I was like, holy crap,
holystupidsword
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this is who I am to this kid, he just does the opposite of my advice now,
adviceopposite
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I mean I, I gotta fix that, so I’m gonna be like
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twenty two percent more agreeable with you for like, maybe one episode,
episodepercenttwenty
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or one adventure. We’ll see how it goes.
adventure
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e960558b-684f-47a2-aefe-1896d325d38e.gif
- Is twenty two percent a lot? - Well I’m not gonna tell you
percenttwenty
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of our time together I’m usually mean to you because it’ll hurt your stupid
hurtitllstupidusually
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feelings but twenty two is substantial, you’re gonna feel the difference.
differencefeelingstwenty
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Okay. I mean, I appreciate it.
appreciate
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You should, because you made a real mess with these guys.
messreal
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- Oh man.
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- Sire! - You can’t leave!
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Go away!
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My king, it is our duty to follow you ‘til the sun sets on our watch!
dutyfollowkingsetswatch
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I mean, it set yesterday, so you’re done. Bye.
yesterday
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Sire, the sun never sets on the sun.
sets
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- Can you get rid of them? - You want me to...
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Well, you guys know he can kill you, right?
kill
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I think he’d find that quite difficult, sire, but if it pleases you!
difficultpleases
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Can’t I just tell you it pleases me for you to go away?
pleases
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- No. Not really. - So you’d rather die than leave me alone.
alone
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- Yes! - Yes!
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- A pheasant plucked for my good king, - A pheasant plucked for my good king,
kingplucked
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- A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing! - A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing!
merrysingsweet
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These guys live on our sun? I’ve never heard of them.
heardlive
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I don’t see them doing a lot to earn interplanetary fame.
earnfame
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I beg your pardon, wizard, the Knights of the Sun protect the solar scepter.
knightspardonprotectsolarwizard
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Around which even this world turns.
turnsworld
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ecac1143-96f2-4acc-aac9-9f0e224ef0d6.gif
You do mean that, like symbolically, right?
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Oh quite literally. The Scepter is the center of the solar system.
centersolarsolar-systemsystem
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All planets orbit it.
orbitplanets
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We keep it on the sun so that Jupiter and Saturn don’t bump into each other.
bump
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6bbc3128-6fd0-44b8-8800-b048d2214285.gif
- Oh my god. - They don’t even know sixth grade science.
gradesciencesixthsixth-grade
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That’s it.
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ad2995dd-07b5-4cb9-b954-d65977daef0e.gif
Yeah, so there you have it.
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af5ab4de-5283-45d5-a60e-e7d1e8679127.gif
Traditions suck ass and your most foundational beliefs are total bullshit.
beliefsbullshitsucktotaltraditions
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We’re supposed to take your word for it?
supposedword
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Anyone can draw circles on a board and spout numbers.
boardcirclesdrawnumbers
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Yes, this sounds like a fun theory, sire,
funsoundstheory
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but it would take more than this for us to give up...
↓
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Okay so how do you guys think it works again?
works
↓
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- Well, the Scepter... - Oh you mean this old thing?
↓
9ef5559f-77ae-4128-886a-d89b79224a6d.gif
You want it? Here. Take it back home. It’s a symbol.
homesymbol
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It’s your culture. That’s not the same as reality.
culturereality
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Does this mean we cut off our penises for absolutely no reason?
absolutelypenisesreason
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That’s the bad news. The good news is, you’re free.
freenews
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04f1ebcf-be66-460f-b85a-6dd91f5fc828.gif
- Oh that stings. - Fuck this knights shit.
fuckknightsstings
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8690c640-7a04-4b45-87b3-b004d311c775.gif
A query? I just used your computer phone to search despair.
computerdespairphonesearchused
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- Where can I get this heroin? - I’m not telling you that.
herointelling
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3fa4263c-3e9f-43a3-a7eb-2bb55176c0c4.gif
No matter, I’m seeing from most of your song lyrics that I can get it anywhere.
lyricsmatterseeingsong
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You guys, someone just used critical thinking and basic physics
basiccriticalphysicsthinkingused
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to destroy their first entire religion.
destroyentirereligion
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- Nice! - Good job, Morty!
morty
↓
c5921d34-c600-46ab-a3be-80b35d76603f.gif
- So no more sun-tourage? - Yep. All done.
↓
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Plus, Rick and I both learned to support each other better.
learnedplusricksupport
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So that’s it, we’re done. Feels early, but we’re done.
earlyfeels
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What’s happening? Appliances are breaking that I haven’t touched.
breakingtouched
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Maybe the sun is celebrating?
celebrating
↓
4493ad9f-49d3-49e0-add5-220454db022b.gif
The Sons of the Moon are storming the Walkway! Doesn’t matter.
mattermoonsonsstorming
↓
575f24d7-0437-45f4-923f-3da93fd1506d.gif
Their aggression will be kept in check
aggressioncheck
↓
951169f9-3397-4015-9a31-9d878cd3ec87.gif
by a host of interplanetary treaties and alliances.
host
↓
5279aaef-89dc-4f63-8ef4-4b07e7f009b0.gif
It’s very complicated, but as long as The Knights of the Sun stand together,
complicatedknightsstand
↓
d3a50c08-de3e-4ccf-9ce7-7e96413d8e98.gif
the solar system will always have complete political stability
completepoliticalsolarsolar-systemsystem
↓
d1c3098d-0b2b-455d-962c-ec860846bd42.gif
where are the Knights of the Sun, by the way? I’m done pooping.
knightspooping
↓
919eaac2-d1d9-4a5b-a096-e7a7b950fedf.gif
Did the Knights of the Sun disband?
knights
↓
4da3244e-d740-4fd9-9bc5-61a8dc24e85b.gif
While I was pooping? Sun-kward.
pooping
↓
5c12c523-eac6-458d-a3ee-5dc5d2e09b62.gif
How many planets in our solar system have these clowns?
clownsplanetssolarsolar-systemsystem
↓
bf07d965-ac70-4151-8bc3-4794ebbb559d.gif
I guess if the sun can support life, any planet can, I mean,
lifeplanetsupport
↓
93487da3-b1f0-4f9c-8453-b5fe1a4b9ac4.gif
maybe we all descended from a common ancestor?
common
↓
e2803d46-0ebb-41c0-8d0b-ef50541949bb.gif
Haven’t you seen, like, all of the universes?
seen
↓
a1992d24-14d8-4dd3-9541-5530e613e686.gif
Exactly, so why would I hang out on Pluto? That’s some Jerry-league shit.
hangjerryleague
↓
06a50291-8020-4da9-9cbc-67217829c1ce.gif
If the Sons of the Moon can attack the sun,
attackmoonsons
↓
f66e1f33-1771-49ba-af6f-bfcac0a48c2e.gif
why should the Viscounts of Venus continue sitting in Saturn’s shadow?
continueshadowsitting
↓
e800feef-633d-44fc-b0cc-263669a5302c.gif
How’s this for a reason: we got all the rings and all the balls!
ballsreasonrings
↓
ffe696f9-3cac-4590-8271-8fc3ec67247f.gif
- Oh fuck you! - Really?
fuck
↓
000f19f7-8ddd-412e-a307-a945d800fb92.gif
If the Saturno Venusian detente is no longer honored,
honoredlonger
↓
44464390-0b18-4a70-8b56-86bbc661b5f6.gif
I declare you all moons of Jupiter.
declaremoons
↓
af2ce8f9-5533-46ec-b009-727602fc1f7f.gif
Because that’s what you are to us! A bunch of moons!
bunchmoons
↓
3e00a811-306e-4063-940c-0f2b5df1a7d5.gif
Do the Knights of the Sun plan to protect Mercury from this chaos?
chaosknightsplanprotect
↓
15e9af32-cfda-45f1-8b0a-a58353667dd8.gif
Because if we’re on our own, there’s a new, very tiny sun in town.
tinytown
↓
af54a154-832f-4caa-b9a3-6e2092ae52e9.gif
It’s all you, pal.
↓
31cf2947-fcb4-4188-bff6-b3362057fe0b.gif
Hello? Don’t I have, like, authority over this Sons of the Moon meeting?
authoritymeetingmoonsons
↓
9c441b4f-4c38-4c98-a424-5ed70902459f.gif
That all depends. Who the hell are you?
depends
↓
c9b91912-df57-4bab-8db4-8c31b99e4787.gif
This guy’s the King of the Sun!
king
↓
99709fa8-8c80-48a2-93e7-f39cfd4c682e.gif
- Holy shit the king of the sun. - Wait when did this happen?
happenholyking
↓
e2d9f51a-840b-428c-a122-27e9ec7771c5.gif
Then tell your Knights to do their jobs!
jobsknights
↓
c5250d7f-b6ea-44da-ad7c-d8750255b5f1.gif
Yes, your majesty. We all know the sun’s power lives and dies with your knights.
diesknightslivesmajestypowersuns
↓
8a9a4a96-0596-4cfb-9089-44f05e5674b2.gif
- Who are you? - Who am... Who...
↓
1ac463f3-0bba-4ddd-8ab3-c8096d4e348e.gif
I am the Marquis of Mars! And i declare war on all of you!
declaremars
↓
c340f4ad-52f4-4caa-9658-08aedd8cd416.gif
War on all of you!
↓
034c455f-ad21-4350-a047-c42528cb11c2.gif
Where are the Knights of the Sun when we need them most?
knights
↓
e2a638b9-a3a2-4e6b-9fde-85a1ed1cc8fa.gif
- Funny you should ask. - They’re gone.
funnygone
↓
3bb5ef0f-7cee-4f09-ad6f-1fa0d3f201a2.gif
They’ve abandoned their duties.
abandonedduties
↓
47f25866-be8c-4a60-aa8d-41eec1c95787.gif
- I see it in the bones. - Damn, the bones nailed it.
bonesnailed
↓
7c7add39-bb59-4fe0-a87c-48265213eb61.gif
Okay, so you have space ships and magic ladies?
ladiesmagicshipsspace
↓
6d199c13-a450-4345-bfde-89f953fdc884.gif
Look, I’m not gonna read all the books,
booksread
↓
b55f4067-5c65-40c8-901b-dfaad39e2840.gif
what will it take to let this Sons of the Moon fiasco resolve itself.
moonresolvesons
↓
8be879c3-fd88-4266-9e26-7bb1b099ca07.gif
Excuse me. How did you become King of the Sun? You look like an Earthling.
becomeexcuseking
↓
0659c4b7-8455-47c3-8ea0-efd1a1d6f10a.gif
- Santa? - Santa?
santa
↓
20011de4-0abe-4c93-b49b-c0eadb52a6fa.gif
What the hell is that, I’m the Earl of Earth goddammit.
earlearthgoddammit
↓
afa75665-bbdc-421c-8164-156f156d3e21.gif
I agree with Earth on one thing.
agreeearth
↓
325a235b-b964-4cc3-9e22-d2a449465702.gif
Venus questions the legitimacy of this King’s authority.
authoritykingsquestions
↓
c3b46485-3af0-4d12-8e9f-716036e7e696.gif
- My people say I say aye! Never! - That sun shall be ours!
↓
c8fad54a-5738-4e2b-955a-414fb6773048.gif
I’m the King! I’ve got the scepter right here!
king
↓
8684791c-364d-4a04-8952-22477fe9ebd5.gif
What the fuck?
fuck
↓
c4b04b9a-a18f-4c7b-b99e-2c27c6c3d302.gif
Yeah yeah I know you’re freaking out because it’s not on the sun.
freaking
↓
7c094b5a-edca-4c16-b25f-3e56435e762b.gif
No, because whoever has it
↓
050b702d-b5d2-49b8-951b-58ac46d42472.gif
- rules the solar system! - It’s up for grabs, get it!
grabsrulessolarsolar-systemsystem
↓
63fbc9bc-feb2-42fb-8e11-e924fcf4d575.gif
After it!
↓
7c580032-fbef-4bca-8e3b-95b2fac81dda.gif
Yes! Yes! I have the scepter.
↓
1797c23f-b521-42b6-a82b-7dd12e374092.gif
Soon Jupiter will be the center of our solar system’s newest dark age...
centerdarknewestsolarsystems
↓
079b0d73-309a-4b06-b43e-f802a9432fac.gif
Fuck that, Mercury will now be the shining beacon of...
beaconfuckshining
↓
c0954802-8908-439c-83d0-4ab72b49d840.gif
Time to throw it all against the wall!
throwwall
↓
1210f90d-3512-44b5-afca-496a887d6db0.gif
I think you crushed it.
crushed
↓
f947cdd0-10d5-43c0-b47d-8024034bb4e1.gif
I mean, not just anybody can start Solar War One.
anybodysolarstart
↓
0fda4d18-041a-43e6-a40b-8fcc92cefcad.gif
- Stop supporting me! - Can do.
supporting
↓
125b95fb-ac44-4930-a7be-4bf8270b9da1.gif
Goodbye, blue sky
bluegoodbye
↓
5442636b-a53c-4213-8334-1d7bad23457f.gif
Goodbye, blue sky Goodbye
bluegoodbye
↓
2eb58a7d-9f34-4360-883a-553bdefbb7a7.gif
Goodbye
goodbye
↓
768d6607-436d-4058-bf09-59b6f1ce6f58.gif
Did you see the frightened ones?
frightenedones
↓
352d8398-002b-46c1-a2a5-5b93eb3244ab.gif
Did you hear the falling bombs?
bombsfalling
↓
c9fac258-b8f6-4c2f-9704-0d94a4a83738.gif
Did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter when the
shelterwonder
↓
0bcfa293-7ee0-4d48-b955-563791f73096.gif
Promise of a brave new world unfurled beneath a clear blue Sky?
beneathbluebraveclearpromiseworld
↓
3e67658b-2e6d-4fdb-a6d0-45814712619b.gif
Did you see the frightened ones?
frightenedones
↓
9cc3429d-1b52-4f90-90d4-e499ce57ebe5.gif
Did you hear the falling bombs?
bombsfalling
↓
7b0d1cec-c5fc-4762-99cb-09cf1d7c6614.gif
The flames are all long gone, but the pain lingers on
flamesgonepain
↓
db37952b-33f1-4df2-b74c-fae7158ccafd.gif
Goodbye, blue sky
bluegoodbye
↓
d246bf06-030f-4263-97da-dbcf4e940dd3.gif
Goodbye, blue sky Goodbye
bluegoodbye
↓
a87bddd2-041a-4b18-900a-e7bcb609d40b.gif
Goodbye
goodbye
↓
5e1d584f-a918-42d9-8d1e-fe9572b28994.gif
Damn, who would have thought giving the Amish nukes
giving
↓
204e60fd-294b-45cd-ac72-4292f7cf2997.gif
- would threaten the solar system? - Maybe we should just jump universes.
jumpsolarsolar-systemsystemthreaten
↓
0d86ea52-6df7-4614-a24e-ed64b5efc3ee.gif
I don’t know buddy, feels like we’re kind of more about trying out commitment now,
buddycommitmentfeels
↓
1b905ed8-7aa8-4506-a163-d7a1368b3d06.gif
ya know? Let’s put our heads together, maybe there’s something
heads
↓
b9d24896-fcae-4d38-9f9c-524a74a157c1.gif
- we haven’t tried yet. - Oh, here’s an idea. Fuck you!
fuckideatried
↓
c968fc93-a690-4e56-b6ba-2ae46e60a69e.gif
- Hey! - Rick, I can’t take it,
rick
↓
3dac88d2-0083-4789-a360-07a06381817f.gif
I admit I’m wrong, I screwed up,
admitscrewed
↓
9fa13afa-efdd-43dc-b971-8c9e10cc3df5.gif
you’re killing me here yes-anding me to death, what is this, Vat of Acid again?
aciddeathkilling
↓
b961b5ba-4623-4f6c-999a-ca884fbdf502.gif
Look man, I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick in the past
dickpast
↓
5f54315c-7ecf-4dca-a240-00ee63077192.gif
that you think I’m doing a thing here.
↓
9ee633db-17b8-47e6-9f8e-8d5914a0c4d6.gif
I’m honestly just trying to do better by you.
↓
33687b67-6990-4778-aa0a-186f21243827.gif
- Are you a robot? - Morty!
mortyrobot
↓
2b6e4603-b009-4011-8be9-d5ef6b11ae36.gif
- A clone? - Morty!
clonemorty
↓
1ebe9f62-e710-4c91-8f0e-01af680fe1a7.gif
This family’s got enough clones and robots in it.
familysrobots
↓
bfbc4368-9c45-4da6-b01d-b6503267122c.gif
Come on, Morty, stop asking what you’re asking
askingmorty
↓
81b18294-3bcb-42d9-8df2-bba7d41a4c04.gif
and let’s just get back to our crisis.
crisis
↓
ef9c59a9-73c5-4098-a362-81caf6273ab4.gif
I’m sorry, it’s just been a hard road with you, Rick.
hardrickroad
↓
112771c9-b2de-493c-b0b0-a5aaf40f1875.gif
Morty, I get that but you can trust me when I say
mortytrust
↓
9648c27f-31c9-4d9a-ac65-fc784d899478.gif
I’m just trying to do right by you.
↓
c58c4cef-b181-45f1-b542-e987bbf0688f.gif
Okay, Rick. You’re right, maybe I just need to round up some Knights?
knightsrickround
↓
239e34c8-60b4-4966-8450-4df317c6a3af.gif
If I disillusioned the old ones, I’ll just have to reillusion them.
ones
↓
085fde71-7f83-42a1-bc99-87e02ab55f53.gif
It shouldn’t be that hard, right?
hard
↓
e61d91bb-7009-40c6-b88e-43087f8337de.gif
Cousins, we need to return to the walkway at once!
cousinsreturn
↓
8920f9f6-90f5-41b7-83f8-850cbc0764ee.gif
Why are you laughing,
laughing
↓
89a9cecb-e646-474c-b781-737abae8b3b0.gif
- did I say something funny? - Oh, Mortaniel!
funny
↓
b24c3768-ef6d-4de2-8538-881818296e56.gif
The only person we bend the knee to these days is that sweet Black Betty.
bendbettyblackdayskneepersonsweet
↓
4e435b49-c0ee-484e-b9c3-22873f4612f1.gif
- Yeah man, all hail Mr. Brownstone! - And his doctor. Feelgood that is!
doctorhail
↓
208bf163-55d9-4580-807e-e621cd50b073.gif
They’re talking about heroin, Morty, they like it.
heroinmorty
↓
842696b8-f580-4022-a48a-01a503204241.gif
- Obviously. - Obviously?
obviously
↓
c0b158db-4fd9-4596-b118-5340a0f8b9d0.gif
Apparently living on the sun has turned our veins into triple-bonded carbon,
apparentlybondedcarbonlivingtripleturnedveins
↓
6174e6b3-b2fa-42d2-9e50-6d53be1e54be.gif
so try this tale on for size, Mortaniel.
sizetale
↓
368ef8ff-5f53-401c-8dff-2429c7f2caf4.gif
- We can’t OD! - C’mon, you guys are a mess.
mess
↓
304fdde1-7698-41a6-bd2a-a8cffa9769a2.gif
Well, they actually seem kinda awesome, Morty.
awesomekindamorty
↓
e3cffeed-e5ba-4504-8739-fb58cad147b1.gif
Lemme be your king. I admit I wanted what you once had.
admitkingwanted
↓
12aefe11-9747-436f-a5b4-6cf8e293e472.gif
Brotherhood, tradition, stability, purpose.
brotherhoodpurposetradition
↓
f6bdbe0d-711f-42f5-ba91-824e3abb22a9.gif
I just didn’t want to cut my dick off for it.
dick
↓
4e6edb17-9cab-49e9-a9f1-39cdf82de628.gif
Yeah that’s the point. We were quick to follow this boy before,
followpointquick
↓
0888a8d7-75c1-4f81-9960-3ec1ca8b30d2.gif
without even forcing him to commit to our traditions.
commitforcingtraditions
↓
bf035222-6942-4e12-832e-46ac1de796f6.gif
And all he did was break our faith and our walkway. And now,
breakfaith
↓
585b11f6-3851-464d-8594-5cae68d50402.gif
this random fucking guy is here again to tell us what to do? No fucking way.
fuckingrandom
↓
6909f431-6771-46f6-b569-b8ed38a00971.gif
What if I cut off my dick?
dick
↓
a726ae34-1ec7-4808-9ed5-88a01aabce86.gif
But you’d be cutting it off for no reason.
cuttingreason
↓
29d54db4-dd25-4ded-bb59-a86e8b88e711.gif
Yeah that’s the point of tradition, doing things for no reason,
pointreasontradition
↓
c2391bc2-1c75-4a90-8f56-6e3d77a107ca.gif
but it’d be reason enough doing it for you guys.
reason
↓
9d086f78-1fdc-46d7-8777-e02c76807108.gif
Well you do that, that would compete with heroin.
competeheroin
↓
7298e7e9-9902-4fd1-8181-6620b99452b4.gif
Cool, cool can I maybe get maybe a minute?
coolminute
↓
5b88cbe0-0645-4585-9ebf-0c5290e78b3e.gif
Buddy, what’s up? Reaching some sad conclusions about your situation?
buddyconclusionsreachingsituation
↓
87dadf4f-6ce8-4d32-aa5d-32bbf0a4ab7c.gif
Yes, but that walkway needs those knights,
knightsneeds
↓
1a5e3145-f26b-4444-8257-789bdfbf2a14.gif
those knights need a king and that king needs no dick!
dickkingknightsneeds
↓
82ba6790-a539-442f-89c3-f596e2335e4e.gif
Damn, Morty, you really are stepping up.
mortystepping
↓
4dad7cb0-ffdc-4d77-ac85-4006fd865fcf.gif
Now do you want me to help you not have to
↓
1f727855-421b-4eb9-a685-9337e86482e2.gif
- cut your dick off though? - Yes please!
dick
↓
fc205e54-4ac4-46a5-8fa4-3cf4f90f1afc.gif
- Then I got you. - You really mean it, Rick?
rick
↓
9d6e32f4-2ae4-4ff1-8ca2-2b12f8974d8d.gif
Of course, buddy. I’ll give you a fake dick.
buddycoursedickfake
↓
1f38a23b-d35a-4616-9cd5-6cd5d3d20ca9.gif
With three layers of failsafes, they’ll never know the difference.
differencelayersthree
↓
e86870bb-aead-4f8c-891f-20260bfcfb64.gif
Morty. We’re gonna make your dick so fake, buddy.
buddydickfakemorty
↓
38e0bf7a-c801-427f-afb4-adedea2b0d21.gif
The signal!
signal
↓
dd5b9dea-a041-4628-8416-2ff62e25d899.gif
- Sir the Knights of the Sun are once more! - Hold fire!
fireknights
↓
51ace4db-e2ac-42a6-9361-268eec972c9d.gif
If this return to the Old Ways is true,
returnways
↓
71ee35b5-b5be-4f00-bfd6-7874dd0b6b05.gif
I’d be willing to return home and put an end to the bloodshed.
homereturnwilling
↓
4d1744bc-68d9-4ebd-9fe5-f38f21d84f6a.gif
Sir, Shall we hold off on the anti matter hydrogen bombing?
antibombingmatter
↓
58daaeec-8a66-459b-997f-0b75e5729bb1.gif
Those crusty knights won’t do the sun much good without their...
knights
↓
faf7b721-b259-4fee-944d-fd36bca53cb5.gif
Let’s hear them out.
↓
6b4fd75f-b446-464c-80d2-3547ed028281.gif
I, Lithdor, son of Thrifdor personally oversee the stumping of thy King’s stem.
kingspersonallystem
↓
a80f5f2e-1312-4203-b14c-94d168ce4af7.gif
If his stem burns true, peace will be restored between the spheres!
burnspeacerestoredstem
↓
8f961190-e208-4eec-b673-306cc11c06d3.gif
Present the shears of stumping!
presentshears
↓
b14efb05-4609-4a44-aa03-75f880b05599.gif
- Morty the brave! You got this, my king! - Yes! Good for you!
bravekingmorty
↓
15aba5fc-5a67-4af5-8e2e-bc9d312f59d5.gif
First thing’s first,
↓
b08804bc-9bbb-40ea-b9f8-7d537104431b.gif
step through this machine which checks for nano technological hologram dicks.
checksdicksmachinestep
↓
caf34252-64d8-4c10-a5b8-11888f595c8a.gif
- What? - War opened our eyes
eyesopened
↓
eb11610f-e370-4bfb-8a8c-6338b461ebc8.gif
to the wonders of new technologies! Please, step through my liege.
liegestepwonders
↓
e4a3f945-3d69-4137-95ce-93eab74a0c46.gif
Sorry, my lord, but we’re gonna need you to step through this second machine
lordmachinesecondstep
↓
41b2b809-ab70-44fb-84f1-9a112a1effa2.gif
- which checks for emergency clone dicks. - Oh wow,
checksclonedicksemergency
↓
9b1bd77b-0381-47b9-8f8b-73bb877c79d6.gif
you guys really embraced a lot of specific new tech.
embracedspecifictech
↓
3042abb0-13b5-440f-b158-647bdde9946e.gif
- A sunspot! - What? Where?
↓
cd345725-cc62-4577-91e9-d79a4cb94b1b.gif
Boy, is that a third detector I see as well?
detectorthird
↓
37f2b70e-317f-4cd0-9789-5eb0b2c52a10.gif
You’ll find out after the second one, we don’t like to reveal them
revealsecond
↓
2a7c862b-b9c2-41a2-bab0-0a818fdd6904.gif
until the previous detecting threshold
previous
↓
ad208372-9c9d-4c88-a867-321dd5020681.gif
- has been crossed. - Right.
crossed
↓
f5028db8-7111-443b-bba6-558de625035c.gif
The third detector is going to scan for a prosthetic dick.
detectordickprostheticscanthird
↓
be788447-1559-441e-b12c-df5f5d8ac614.gif
- Oh good. - Okay well go on through,
↓
9ecc6df9-12fb-4a0b-a519-d1aa65479c36.gif
and of course, by prosthetic we mean witchcraft dick.
coursedickprostheticwitchcraft
↓
8d70934b-8ce4-4863-bee1-341dc3613997.gif
- Shit. - Fuck!
fuck
↓
6d69f689-e3bc-418b-9fd0-548e4a744a8f.gif
I sense one! The bones say he’s still packin’!
bonessense
↓
b671da6d-6356-4659-a0bf-595b9bcb22e3.gif
Can’t get nothin’ past the chicken bone lady. Just testing her.
bonechickenladynothinpasttesting
↓
e2a137d0-6b5d-4d06-aec1-cc35f12c9380.gif
Stump. Thy. Stem.
stemstump
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Morty? Morty, don’t answer out loud, can you hear me? It’s Rick,
answerloudmortyrick
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- I’m talking to you with my mind. - Yeah I can hear you.
mind
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- You said that out loud, don’t speak. - Sorry. Sorry.
loudspeak
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I uplinked a telepathic nano satellite so we could hear each other’s thoughts,
otherssatellitethoughts
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carefully do everything I tell you in the exact order I tell you to do it.
carefullyexactorder
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- Okay. - Grab the scissors.
grabscissors
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Okay. Got the scissors.
scissors
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- Now run. - Oh shit, shit!
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Guards, seize them!
guardsseize
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Run? You couldn’t have just said that?!
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You don’t have to use telepathy anymore,
anymore
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you can just ask your rhetorical questions out loud!
loudquestionsrhetorical
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I don’t understand, Rick.
rick
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Here’s something that’s easy to understand buddy,
buddyeasy
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I’m proud of you for trying to solve your own shit.
proudsolve
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- I didn’t want to have to do this. - It’s okay this time,
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we don’t have any choice.
choice
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- I love you, Rick. - Love you too, buddy.
buddyloverick
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And that’s when King Morty and Rick were left with no choice
choicekingleftmortyrick
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but to leap into the sun.
leap
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Such shame he felt for what he’d done to our society, sacrificing his dick
dickshamesociety
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wasn’t enough, he gave his entire body and wizard servant as well.
bodyentireservantwizard
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And after a while, their sun-proof bones floated up to the top.
bonesproof
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We even checked with a royal ladle to ensure it was real sun,
checkedensurerealroyal
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not just them hiding beneath in a vat of fake sun.
beneathfakehiding
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Such a violent death. And finally when our grief could bear no more,
beardeathfinallygriefviolent
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we decided to abolish our medieval act of stem stumping.
decidedmedievalstem
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And we have King Morty the Molten to thank for that!
kingmoltenmorty
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- Morty the Molten! King Morty the Molten! - Morty the Molten! King Morty the Molten!
kingmoltenmorty
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See, Morty? Worked like a charm!
charmmortyworked
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Aren’t we risking it all coming back here?
coming
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Morty, we had to know, plus the heat, it’s good for my joints.
heatjointsmortyplus
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King Mortaniel? You’re alive?
aliveking
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Yeah, go tell everybody. Your reward’s gonna be cutting off your own dick.
cuttingdickeverybody
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Right. Point taken. RIP and cheerio.
pointtaken
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- One crispy, one wriggling. - Coming right up.
comingcrispy
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- Three loozums. - How ‘bout ten years? In jail.
boutjailthreeyears
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Special Agent Mongo Bongo, you’re under arrest for illegal hot dog trafficking.
agentarrestbongoillegalmongospecialtrafficking
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Be free, my little babies.
babiesfree
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Surprised they actually made it.
surprised
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Kinda thought maybe some birds would swoop down or...
birdskindaswoop
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I jinxed it!