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Rick and Morty

Season 6, Episode 8 — Analyze Piss

TMDB episode metadata
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I can't hold them off, Rick! There's too many!
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Richard! Your fortress is a salty waste of coral and clam.
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Relinquish it at once!
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- Submit, you continental cunt. - Got a better idea.
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Oh shit, oh shit.
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- Happy? - Of course I'm happy,
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you're acting like you won but this is exactly what I wanted.
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I am Mister Nimbus!
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Whatever. Come on, Morty.
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- Man, that was intense. - Yeah, nice work, buddy.
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Sorry I had to blow up your bunker.
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Not so fast, Sanchez. It is I, Cookie Magneto.
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What the fuck.
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- I'm not engaging this guy. - That's hardly up to you, Rick.
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I'm sorry, do you control things that people agree are cookies?
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- Yes. - Okay but cookies aren't a substance,
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- they're more of a name we-we give to - To the things I control
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Do you control cookie ingredients, because y'know that sounds dangerous,
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- y'know, everything has sugar in it. - Fight me and find ou...
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- Jesus, Rick! - I'm sorry, Morty, I know you're gonna say
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it's punching down but I can't fight another one of these nineties
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style goofball super villains, I'm not the fucking Tick,
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- I'm exhausted. - Okay but
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if you really have a lot of these guys gunning for you maybe you should look
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- into what you're doing to... - Don't start that crap, Morty.
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I don't do anything for these dipshits to seek me out
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I am Mr. Calypso.
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Face me, you ugly, drunk, ugly piece of shit.
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Okay I might look into it.
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- Why don't you have a seat? - Because this isn't a therapy session,
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- Oh my god, what? - Hey!
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- Okay, that's it! - Jerry, please think about this,
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if you fight this guy, I'm either an asshole
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for not helping or an asshole for helping.
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My daughter just got spoken of in porno terms and I'll respond how I choose.
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- Wait Dad, don't. - Honey.
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- Hey. - You want a piece of piss?
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If that's your stupid rude way of saying I have to fight you I will.
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- Take your shot, pussy. - Don't talk to me that way,
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- go away. - Make me.
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Go away.
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Careful, honey!
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Just stay down.
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- I don't even know you. - Yeah you don't know me.
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But I'm gonna know your whole ass you son of a gun.
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- Hey, none of that. Come on. - Break it up, guys.
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Come on, you dirty motherfucker.
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No! No!
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Stop!
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Uncle! Mercy! Mercy! Stop! I give up!
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- Apologize to my daughter. - For what?
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You know for what!
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I'm sorry! I'm sorry I sexualized you! It came out wrong!
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That's my dad. That's my fucking dad!
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Honey, I'm so proud of you.
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- Oh sorry. - Thank you, Rick.
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Damn, hashtag FlamingoDad is everywhere!
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Buzzfeed made an odd numbered list of other people's observations about you
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and you're getting a lot of hand clap emojis
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on White Twitter's impression of Black Twitter.
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Jezebel's offering a cash reward for evidence that you're a bad person.
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- That is their highest honor! - So this is what it's like to trend.
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Feels good.
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- Feels right. - Just keep in mind now
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a bunch more assholes are gonna know they can get a rise out of you.
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- Rick, let a dog have one day. - I'm letting. I'm letting.
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Are those orbs?
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This is what I'm talking about.
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Some asshole saw that fight and believe it not, they were jealous of Pissmaster.
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I am Blagnar the Eternal. We seek the earthling who beat up Pissmaster.
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That's my dad, Jerry Smith!
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Jerry Smith. Our Galactic Orbship thirsts for justice and those who deliver it.
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- Wait, what? - Our great council
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would like to offer you this silver orb. And with it, a place amongst us.
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- It's sticky. - Yeah.
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That means it's found a pure heart it wants to bond with.
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you guys saw my son-in-law on the news, now he gets a sticky orb,
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what's the catch? We're not rubes.
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Yeah your power is well known in our jurisdiction, Rick Sanchez,
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and it should come as no surprise that our orbs are unsticky for you.
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Oh no, first I get banned from the Next Door app, now this.
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I'd be honored to join your organization.
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So what do I do, rub the orb when I see crime, or eat the orb like spinach?
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The orb is raw power. Trust your heart, Jerry.
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It will know what to do.
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- Did you turn on the microwave? - No? Maybe? I was trying to fly.
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- What? - I mean, come on, Rick.
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- Orbs and goblets, this is your thing. - Orbs and goblets.
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I'm just saying, you're the orb guy in the family. Can you please help me?
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Jerry, I give you raw power, you'll end up miserable like me.
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- Trust me, I'm helping by not helping. - Seriously, Rick?
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What the eff, Grandpa! Some creep tried to pee on my tits and you did nothing,
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now you're gonna sit there and hold our dad back from being a hero?
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- Are you seriously that petty? - Okay, you know what, fine!
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Here. Here's your goddamn suit.
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I hard-wired the orb's infinite energy right into it.
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This shooty-thing looks cool.
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That "shooty thing" is a nuclear disruptor that can blow up planets.
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- So tight. - Kinda hot.
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Ok show me acts of evil happening around the galaxy.
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Space Hitlers? "Space Hitlers are convening on Zeplar Prime."
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My god, each one of them is their own type of Hitler
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- Yeah, that's a problem. - Oh shit, do that one.
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- You guys. - That's my parents.
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Well family, looks like Jerry Smith has his first orb mission.
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Lawn Flaming-ho!
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Just a reminder, you guys asked for this.
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Soon, our legion of Hitlers will bring about a new galactic order.
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- A reich, if you will. - Riddle Hitler me this.
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I'm sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now?
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-Auf wiedersehen, bad guys! - Exterminate him!
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Shit, oh Jesus. One at a time!
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Oh my god!
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Hope there weren't other people on that planet.
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- You gotta be fucking kidding me. - Up next, oh actually nothing.
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I guess we're just gonna talk about Jerry Smith some more.
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I dunno, therapy is starting to feel hopeless. I've got so many issues!
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- We need to talk. - Hey. No.
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I will not speak with you if you refuse to treat me and my patients with respect.
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Oh lord. I was a fly! So unburdened, so free of shame!
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Welp, I'm officially cured!
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Here. Here's your data. Hard proof that god hates me.
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I ignored a troll and Jerry beat the guy's ass.
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Now he's got this orb and he's using the power which I gave him
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to annihilate planets of Hitlers and everyone's popping champagne.
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Rick, you came here because you wanted things to change and they're changing.
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It's working.
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So if my bumbling moron of a son-in-law beats up people, it's "working".
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But if I do it, it's a cosmic abuse of power?
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Rick, listen to yourself.
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You're complaining about how you have to be careful with your immense power.
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And that Hitlers are dead. Everything you're describing is positive.
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Oh shit, not reacting. That really is the kill move?
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I don't know if you need to think about it in terms of murder,
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but yes just stay the course.
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- Okay, good talk. - Well what you're describing is therapy
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and if you'd like to keep receiving it,
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start scheduling your visits with Judy up front.
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Thank you, thank you Flamingo Fam.
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you know, when they asked me if I wanted to be the first human
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to drive a Mitsubishi Space Lancer, I thought well I don't know,
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I got this cool orb suit that goes really fast. But you know what sold me?
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The Council said I could pick my own bridge crew.
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Morty, Summer, Beth, what do you say?
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- What? Are you serious? - Oh shit yeah, I love Mitsubishi!
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- Me too! I've heard of them! - This is so exciting!
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Oh my god this is so cool!
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Alright gang, orbs away!
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O me o my, can it be? A giant piece of shit I see?
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I am Mr. Stringbean! No one resists my rhyming scheme!
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Hey douchebag, why don't you chill out?
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- Who's this asshole? - I am Doctor Buckles!
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Here to tighten the belt on your opinions!
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You wanna see the Bean get mean?
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I'll be damned. I'm out.
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I'm out.
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I'm-I'm out.
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Oh my god, this Piss Guy is getting wailed on.
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Look at him, he tried to crawl under the car. What a loser.
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- Hey you watching the Pissmaster video? - Yeah.
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He has to be the biggest piece of shit in the galaxy, right?
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Without a doubt. Who could relate, being that much of a piece of shit.
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Goddamnit.
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Fuck, shit, come on man. Fuck, come on where is it? Shit, shit.
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Fuck!
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Come on Pissmaster, come on.
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Damn it.
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It's me. Please, please just open up
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Dad? Mom told me you weren't responding to her calls and I'm worried, okay?
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I know I said terrible things about you on my podcast,
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it's just, I've been so frustrated with you.
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Look, if you were to ever do something I'd never stop blaming myself.
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Just, please.
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- Please let me know you're okay. - God damn it.
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- I'm okay honey, we're good. - I thought something happened to you.
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I can tell you for sure. If anything happens to me,
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it's 100% not on you, it's my own choice.
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You still sound like you're gonna do something bad.
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Just promise you won't, okay?
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- Okay, yeah. Promise. - Love you, Dad.
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Fuck.
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Well this is it. I'm killing myself because of Jerry Smith. The Earth man.
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FlamingoDad. Seeing them all cheer as I got my ass whipped made me realize.
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People just wanna see me fail. All I've ever wanted to do is prove them wrong.
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Help!
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Wait! Who are you?
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Pissmaster. Make, make sure you tell everybody Pissmaster saved you.
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Those were heat-seeking pissiles by the way. Not just missiles.
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Oh, okay.
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Y'all ready for piss?
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Yo! Pissmaster! You saving that cat to make people forget you suck?
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Nope, just saving it to save it.
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Okay, we got nothing.
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Piss! Pee! Urine! Number one!
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Pee pee! Piss! Pee pee! - Look, it's Pissmaster!
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Dr. Wong, what's up?
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- Rick, you're late for your session. - Cancel it. Bill me. I'm good.
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You're good?
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Yeah see, I put on the suit of my enemy and I fucking love it.
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Now I'm gonna make a giant bomb, plant it in a city,
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and then have his suit auto-pilot the bomb into space.
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Boom. Everyone will think Pissmaster sacrificed himself.
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He dies a hero, I get a win I'd otherwise never get myself, nice wet bow on top.
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I'm tempted to second guess a lot of that but I think you might be nailing it.
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-What? - If it's free and fun, do it.
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It sounds healthy.
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That wasn't my goal but, good to know. Shit, gotta go.
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No, exactly. And the slave planet thing,
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I hear he broke their chains with pure urine, so.
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Hey guys, sorry I'm late, lot of traffic on the orbway.
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Take a seat, Jerry. We were just discussing Pissmaster's honorable rise.
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I mean, who cares, right?
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People are talking about him. He's becoming likable. Good, even.
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- But he's Pissmaster. - People change, Jerry.
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Everyone loves a comeback story.
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- Yes. - I agree.
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All in favor of offering orbship to Eugene Michael Piss, aka Pissmaster?
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- Orb-yes. - Orb-yes.
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- All those opposed? - Obviously orb-no.
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The orbship has spoken.
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You know what Jerry, I think this is a good test for you.
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If you can't let go of your pettiness enough to recruit Pissmaster,
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maybe you don't deserve your orb. And Jerry. Don't come back without him.
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I can't stress enough, I'm 8 years old, I have no idea what I'm doing!
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Look! It's Pissmaster!
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Oh no, there's no time to dismantle it! Come on, it's not safe here.
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Pisspop? Pisspop? Pisspop?
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- Pissmaster. - Jerry, what are you doing here?
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Eugene Michael Piss. By decree of the Andromeda strain, our great council
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presents you with this orb, which you have to take.
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Fuck off, Jerry, I'm in the middle of something.
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Excuse me? Hey, this is the greatest honor you could ever be given.
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- I don't want it! - Well you have to take it.
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Jesus Christ, get the fuck out of here!
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He's flying it into space! He's gonna sacrifice himself!
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Get back here, you ungrateful shit!
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What is your problem?
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- You're screwing up my hero death! - Good!
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FlamingoDad wants us to blow up? When did he become a shitheel?
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Life comes at you fast.
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- Jesus, Dad! People are filming! - Yeah, maybe dial it back?
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- Rick? - PissSuit!
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- Auto-pilot the payload! - Confirmed.
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That's my fucking dad.
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- Jerry? - Dad, are you okay?
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Your father is the fucking Pissmaster!
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Grandpa? What the hell?
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Jerry, what is this? People are saying you turned shitheel?
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Well apparently my father-in-law is Pissmaster so why don't you ask him?
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What the? Rick Sanchez, thePissmaster? Okay, this is not a good look.
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This family, man
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Look, I don't know what kinda weird shit you two are pulling
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but it's completely unstickworthy. We're done here.
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But I didn't know! I'm a good guy, I made you all famous!
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I'm a thousand years old.
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You know how many "Flamingo Dads" I've seen? Don't orb us.
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I don't get it. You were Pissmaster the whole time?
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Obviously not, Jerry, I put the suit on once Pissmaster kill...
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When, when you made him...
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Yeah. I've always been Pissmaster.
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But, that would mean you let my dad beat you up just so he could, like,
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feel more confident?
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- Damn, Rick. - Yeah that's amazing.
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Hold on, everyone's just accepting this? Wait wasn't Pissmaster an alien?
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- He obviously avatar'd it. - Probably a robot.
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But why? Why would Rick even
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- prop me up like that? - Jesus, Jerry.
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Rick did something nice for once okay? He's obviously trying to change.
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You are no longer worthy of Mitsubishi.
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Proud of you, Dad. Or should I say: Pissmaster.
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Yeah Grandpa, sorry I yelled at you.
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And I guess I'm sorry for trying to
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stop you from killing yourself with a nuclear bomb, I just...
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really liked having an orb.
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Don't sweat it, Jer. Piss under the bridge.
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Man, I guess the therapy worked, huh?
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Opening up, doing all that just to make my dad feel good.
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That's pretty great of you, Rick.
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Yeah that's right, Morty. That's right.
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Wait Morty, you have to promise not to tell anyone
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but your dad made Pissmaster kill himself.
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- Oh man, what? - Yeah, I mean, I found him dead
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and I put on his suit but look at this, he literally blames your dad.
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Holy shit.
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Wait, you kept the suicide note?
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- That's so messed up! - I know, I mean,
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I had to tell someone, Morty,
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- I couldn't just sit on that. - And you expect me to?
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Morty, no! What are you doing?
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- What the hell?! He killed himself? - Jesus, Dad, you should've told us!
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- Especially if Jerry murdered him! - Wait, don't say that,
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- I didn't murder! - Hey, I thought it was pretty cool
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- that I withheld that information. - But you didn't withhold it!
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- You're walking around with the note! - Yeah Grandpa, you gotta like,
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keep it in your heart as a great sacrifice,
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- that's the cool move. - I mean, how am I the bad guy?
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He sprayed piss on us! You all cheered me on!
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- You all cheered me on! - Don't drag us into this.
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- A man is dead, Dad. - Again, wasn't gonna say it,
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- but I told you this would happen. - Get off your high horse.
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- Dr. Wong would be so proud. - Go ahead and boo,
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- I was breathing piss, you think I care? - Is this what it's like to trend?
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This is a nightmare, I should've just let him pee on my daughter!
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What the hell, Dad?
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how about Jack Miller, aka CarJack? He lifted a car off a stranger.
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- Next. - Orb-no.
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We're fresh off a dad and a piss guy.
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Maybe we add someone that's already powerful?
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We have to be realistic about who we can get.
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- I have a pitch. - We're not gonna add Scarlett Johansson.
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Next up: Mr. Nimbus. Lord of the oceans.
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I hear he controls the police.
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- The police? - Orb-yes.
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Guys, I already checked, his reps say he's really busy right now.
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- Everyone says that. - And we're not busy?