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Home » Rick and Morty » S06E06 — JuRicksic Mort

Rick and Morty

Season 6, Episode 6 — JuRicksic Mort

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Rick and Morty
Episode title: JuRicksic Mort
Air date: October 09, 2022
Director: Kyounghee Lim
Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke
Seemingly out of the blue, Earth's old rulers return. They make a great case for changing the way society does business, but Rick isn't going to put up with it.
Source: TMDB
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And in Weird Things in Space News, that mysterious "rift" is still there.
mysteriousnewsspaceweird
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Not gone yet.
gone
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You remember that don’t you? It’s probably important.
remember
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Back to you, Tabitha.
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Rick, Mom’s working and Dad’s still sleeping, I’m gonna be late!
dadslatemomsricksleepingworking
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Yeah, yeah. I got you, here.
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Holy shit. Is the portal gun working again.
holyportalworking
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Yeah pretty much.
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Sometimes that happens
happenssometimes
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Just get the keys.
keys
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It’s actually been nice taking a break from the portal travel stuff.
breakportalstufftravel
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I’ve been racking up a lot of
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- high school adventures. - I have a process, Morty.
adventuresmortyprocessschool
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I’m fixing my portal gun and every time you bring it up it blocks my creative flow
blocksbringcreativefixingflowportal
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and then I’m forced to take longer on purpose
forcedlongerpurpose
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- just to train you to not bring it up. - Jeez. Do you know what projection is?
bringjeeztrain
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- Do you? - No. I heard Mom use it.
heard
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Lord no! He’s here again? Morty protocol, children!
childrenlordmortyprotocol
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What’s it now? Brain Bugs? Space Worms? Have I been The Facultied again?
brainbugsspaceworms
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You guys don’t have to react like this every day
react
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Last time the aliens made me lick all the toilet seats!
alienslickseatstoilet
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That’s right, made me! I see that look on your faces.
faces
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- What did you do, ya tiny monster? - This isn’t me.
monstertiny
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If these aliens want Earth, they’ll have to go through Egypt.
aliensearth
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And they can ask mummies how that goes.
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Mummy Mia!
mummy
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- Dinosaurs are back? - Monkeys went bald?
baldmonkeys
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Before we start, where are the rest of us?
reststart
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Well, you leaned into this fast.
fastleaned
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Zuniceratops.
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Elvisaurus.
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Bambiraptor.
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Erectopus.
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Dracorex.
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Hogwartsia.
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Gojirasaurus.
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Vulcanodon.
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Sauroniops.
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Phuwiangosaurus.
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Those are real dinosaur names.
dinosaurnamesreal
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I can’t even pretend to feel useful in a game!
gamepretenduseful
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This is how humanity’s story ends?
endsstory
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Relieved of duty and sat at the kid’s table?
dutykidsrelievedtable
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I gotta respect these dinosaurs, they dominated a whole species
respectspecieswhole
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just by calling its bluff about wanting more free time.
bluffcallingfreewanting
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They didn’t even dominate us because we’re not worth a fight to them.
dominatefightworth
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We’ve become biological Tyler Perry movies.
becomebiologicalmoviesperrytyler
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- All they’ve done is help. - We didn’t need their help!
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We were not the problem! This house recycles.
houseproblem
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They sort it at the trash facility!
facilitytrash
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WTF! My dance videos are getting like zero likes now.
dancelikesvideoszero
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The Dinos kicked pedophiles off TikTok.
kickedtiktok
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Great, so now I’m broke?
broke
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- You don’t need money anymore. - So what’s this for now? Phone calls?
anymorecallsmoneyphonephone-calls
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- C’mon, Dad, you don’t hate this too? - Why would I?
hate
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I was already doing what I wanted.
wanted
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I do think it’s kind of funny that you’re all basically Jerry now.
funnyjerry
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Fuck.
fuck
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- Jerry, how do you do it. - Yeah, Dad, how do you do it?
jerry
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How do you do it, Dad?
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- How do you do it? - How do you do it?
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It’s finally happened.
finallyhappened
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Alright.
alright
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Does anyone know how to mail things to publishers?
mail
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President only pages me if it’s an emergency or he needs molly.
emergencymollyneedspagespresident
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I’m sure glad you stayed open, Beau.
gladopenstayed
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Wish we could pay, but, no more capitalism.
wish
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I never make ribs for the money, Mister President.
mistermoneypresidentribs
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Here ya go.
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That’s not why I called! Drugs can’t solve this problem.
calleddrugsproblemsolve
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I can’t live like this anymore.
anymorelive
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At first it was fun spending all day watching whatever YouTube autoplays
funspendingwatchingyoutube
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after the last one autoplayed, but a man can only watch so many ads for Grammarly.
watch
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Rick. Please! You’re not bound by morality.
boundmoralityrick
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Get rid of them. Slit their necks,
necksslit
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Zero Dark Thirty these fuckers for the good of the species. I won’t tell!
darkfuckersspeciesthirtyzero
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Help us go back to the old days where we pretend to fix the problems we caused.
causeddayspretendproblems
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You think I’m gonna side with you over hyper-intelligent creatures
creatureshyperintelligentside
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operating way beyond your comprehension? I have more in common with them than you.
beyondcommonoperating
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You pompous autistic cadaver! You think you’re above this?
cadaverpompous
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- I ought to... - Look here, Mr. President.
oughtpresident
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When I need my ribs to be tender and delicious, I pamper them.
deliciousribstender
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See, if you give someone what they want, they’ll give you what you need.
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Jus’ saying.
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I see your point, Beau. Alright, Rick. Name your price.
alrightnamepointpricerick
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- Crap. - Goddammit!
goddammit
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- How often are you Westworlding me? - Hang on.
hangoften
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Rib-tips jammed his folk-chip again.
chipfolkjammedtips
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Ol’ Reliable Rick. Always knows what to do!
knowsreliablerick
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- What do you want, Rick? - I won’t stoop to answering that again.
answeringrick
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You know exactly what I want.
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I can’t just snap my fingers and get you that job.
fingerssnap
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- Yeah yeah. Thanks for lunch. - Fine. Fine!
lunchthanks
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If you get rid of the dinosaurs, you can host the Oscars.
host
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- Yes! - Righteous Rick!
rick
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Straight shootin’, truth tellin’, never wets the bed.
straighttellintruthwets
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Goodbye old friends, may you rest in peace,
friendsgoodbyepeacerest
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rather than the tank of an SUV.
tank
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Hello, fellow cosmic voyagers.
cosmicfellow
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- Can we help you? - Actually, I can probably help you.
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See, I’m technically human but I’ve come to be more, you know, on your level
humanleveltechnically
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- We’re fine, thank you. - Maybe I’m being too indirect.
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I happen to dabble in multiversal travel, and I could probably zap you guys
happentravel
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- to an alternate Earth... - We used portal travel eons ago
earthportaltravelused
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but evolved to a one universe, one truth policy as the highest form of existence.
evolvedexistenceformhighestpolicytruthuniverse
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Sort of a put your own oxygen mask on before helping others type of a thing.
helpingmaskothersoxygentype
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- Have you been on a plane? - Yes, I’ve been on a plane.
plane
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We have no problem if you jump dimensions.
dimensionsjumpproblem
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Although we sense your gateway device is sub-optimal. Let us help.
devicesense
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I don’t need help. I’m here to help you.
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- What the hell is this? - A Portal Pistol.
pistolportal
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The gateways are see-through, not a green swirl,
green
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so now you can see where you’re going.
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"Clever girl."
clevergirl
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If you’d like we could patch up your little
patch
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- inter-dimensional rift too... - No, leave it,
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I know how to close that, that’s there for a reason.
closereason
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- Very canonical. - Don’t you just want it closed?
closed
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- Morty, whose team are you on? - It’s normal to be frustrated. Here.
frustratedmortynormalteam
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Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me?
fuckingfucking-kiddingkidding
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- Goodbye. - No, wait.
goodbye
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What the fuck!
fuck
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- Dr. Manhattan highroad assholes - I saw my bones!
assholesbonesmanhattan
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- teleporting me? - Why, wasn’t that painful?
painful
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They didn’t even do it right! My fly is down.
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Your fly was already down.
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What are you doing with that?
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- Rick! It was a better... - Nothing from them is better!
rick
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That thing had uptight zen snob germs all over it.
germsuptight
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So what now you’re gonna fight them?
fight
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And prove we’re violent and stupid?
provestupidviolent
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No, we’re gonna find out what they’re hiding.
hiding
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Only people who have really fucked up in the past
fuckedpast
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have to virtue signal this hard.
hardsignalvirtue
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- Look at Sean Penn. - But Rick, aren’t these feelings, like,
feelingspennricksean
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what they talked about? Like life gets,
lifetalked
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"programmed for competition by early stages of evolution,
competitionearlyevolutionprogrammedstages
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like, amoebas have to fight amoebas for energy but
energyfight
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once a species can get enough sugar from a machine to give itself diabetes,
diabetesmachinespeciessugar
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it’s allowed to start thinking beyond conflict."
allowedbeyondconflictstartstart-thinkingthinking
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I mean it’s all in their pamphlet.
pamphlet
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Morty, you’re a genius. I clearly mean that in the 90s ironic sense
geniusironicmortysense
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but this self-fellating 'zine is a treasure map to every fossilized
selftreasure
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bone in their skeleton closet.
boneclosetskeleton
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They’re gonna call us Laura Dern
laura
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because we’re about to get elbow deep in dino doo doo.
deepelbow
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Get it, Morty? The gloves?
glovesmorty
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- You remember the big gloves? - Yeah, no. I get it, Rick.
glovesrememberrick
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I said "Clever Girl" earlier,
clevergirl
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- you didn’t even react. - I was angry!
angryreact
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I’m looking for a few of my friends.
friendslooking
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Kinda look like the Skullfeet that used to live on our planet way before us.
kindaliveplanetused
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They’re long gone now.
gone
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a0c96939-d026-4d33-9e27-88e6504d3b61.gif
Really? They’re extinct here too?
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Yeah! We keep their bones in that museum over there.
bonesmuseum
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These guys aren’t gonna be much help.
↓
0ba8b0f0-e602-442b-aa1c-b3094aa80819.gif
The leading theory is the Skullfeet stepped on their own brains so much
brainsleadingsteppedtheory
↓
a5f64cc6-61c8-4c10-8583-4140dcdc9235.gif
they straight up died. Such a shame.
diedshamestraight
↓
f17fab7a-deb9-43a7-ae0d-8f10dd569809.gif
- Would have loved to hear them sing. - Sing?
lovedsing
↓
25439369-27d6-41aa-882a-54fa29fba954.gif
We figured they used to hold huge outdoor concerts in their land amphitheater.
concertsfiguredhugelandused
↓
94f6238b-ab38-4f02-a7e3-0aa21f637003.gif
- You people are idiots. - We didn’t have much to go by. ==
idiots
↓
3ae607d8-36e3-4cb0-bfb9-11c24f1a3db4.gif
- Bones aren’t big on conversation. - Yeah, neither are you, pal.
bonesconversation
↓
ca2b42f0-1010-495c-9387-2022e71b79ed.gif
The majestic Basketsaur! Aren’t they incredible?
incrediblemajestic
↓
254dab20-3cb2-434c-a904-36e09971b142.gif
We’re even making a series of increasingly terrible movies
moviesseries
↓
6adc9050-5d74-424e-ad52-093627e9c57c.gif
about cloning them in a theme park!
parktheme
↓
75b2d13b-8975-43f1-9fa8-a6abea1a0e5c.gif
- So what happened to them? - No idea.
happenedidea
↓
6efd58db-9611-4afd-929c-73e6bda7b345.gif
But we do know they all loved eating communal soup out of the Great Dirt Bowl.
bowldirteatinglovedsoup
↓
b5cf7eda-a136-4a9b-9950-32e27ecd7d27.gif
Starting to see a pattern here.
patternstarting
↓
81869048-c38d-4976-8b49-84c867d168a0.gif
Breathtaking aren’t they?
↓
1cf6b1c2-260a-4ded-a8b0-abc1599cccd4.gif
It’s a common misconception that they roamed our planet.
commonplanet
↓
e29c67bc-dbca-419a-9d88-641d20e4ff99.gif
The truth is, they rolled. Street-style mostly. Some vert.
mostlyrolledstreetstyletruth
↓
fad5bff5-bce4-4313-bb50-e4f5852c21df.gif
Lemme guess. There’s a very large, deep circular indentation in which these
circulardeep
↓
5ba4a7de-2152-4d8e-8534-a191678b7fd1.gif
"Grindasaurs" used to shred.
shredused
↓
0f3478e4-c8e7-4072-aa79-0632adb079f2.gif
We think they had a second brain in their butt dedicated to pulling ten eighties.
brainbuttdedicatedpullingsecond
↓
2eebf2ac-3c53-4d8b-91e6-8d0f632836a2.gif
Three planets visited by dinosaurs, three apocalyptic meteor impacts.
meteorplanetsthreevisited
↓
aabbf157-9fa2-488b-ba3d-f0e3d5ee96d1.gif
Gimme the board.
board
↓
b0cf4c8e-35dc-4497-982c-85bc829c5c99.gif
I’m dropping in for data.
datadropping
↓
984caf77-3a13-4ba3-9793-e904c5efc958.gif
Rick! That’s the hardest thing in skateboarding!
hardestrick
↓
6ef97f14-63f4-49dc-ac7a-63ca9e4c0531.gif
It looked so easy on Pro Skater 3!
easylooked
↓
4109c12d-8896-4ea9-80ae-1d9d1d47f381.gif
Hello.
↓
90b6022d-028b-4acf-abfc-9d7baccf4053.gif
Jackpot, Morty.
jackpotmorty
↓
aa2b94b7-fa24-4bd1-9914-a8ebdc624c7a.gif
You still think the dinosaurs got something to hide?
hide
↓
eb887b16-e265-4141-b220-6847f9b9d1fa.gif
No, Morty, they have a reason to hide.
hidemortyreason
↓
7c6d7be9-6407-4dda-b207-815fb719b54d.gif
- Come here ya little whippersnapper. - No Rick, stop.
rick
↓
8384d22e-5537-4693-b3aa-aebe467141a2.gif
- C’mere Morty! Come on, gimme a hug. - No, don’t touch me.
mortytouch
↓
5ddbaca1-a903-4c7b-bd66-0dc254f8c5ff.gif
- What’s the matter with you? - Your hands are greasy!
greasyhandsmatter
↓
b3cd0b47-e14e-4af5-800f-23cef526a9ad.gif
It’s become clear your species is having a hard time
becomeclearhardhavingspecies
↓
fc8044d3-36ad-4b4c-bedd-8ee05bcaba9d.gif
adjusting to its reduced accountability.
reduced
↓
48052f96-20e4-44f5-a10a-deb285bc5590.gif
Our solution is to hold these regular keynotes, or talks,
regularsolutiontalks
↓
77aa0d54-e4a6-406c-b3fc-02964c098349.gif
which you used to launch new phones and religions.
launchphonesused
↓
f6e2530f-4a00-4b1a-848c-d6c10cc80822.gif
I see someone’s eager to speak!
eagersomeonesspeak
↓
e49e1f7a-a07b-4d36-9fd1-833de3d0443f.gif
Hi, what do you do when you want to kill yourself?
kill
↓
5df01ede-0cea-4eaf-b112-db2ceb6e8660.gif
You don’t do that, thank you for asking though. Very important.
asking
↓
87709858-767b-4658-9694-cec95d58839d.gif
We recently discovered a new piece of human literature
discoveredhumanliteraturepiecerecently
↓
5c2ac90c-5f3a-471a-9c96-4cb7e7cba54a.gif
that we think everyone should read.
read
↓
17388d18-453c-4609-946b-ac96390e254d.gif
Holy shit! I’m a famous author!
authorfamousholy
↓
95c47dab-1d0c-48be-98d8-e39515975b8d.gif
Wait, where’s my name?
name
↓
46c51e31-5d63-4db2-aa71-e848ad16f3fa.gif
We will distribute it to everyone on Earth tomorrow.
distributeearthtomorrow
↓
8b533a8e-43ef-4862-b82b-9d88b3403549.gif
Excuse me, aren’t you gonna say who wrote it?
excusewrote
↓
bec25fa3-2cd6-458f-abb6-971c698a46d1.gif
Nope. Whoever wrote it must be above needing credit.
creditmustneedingnopewrote
↓
a8f1cfd0-0990-4a4a-9d32-dedefe03ee04.gif
It’s all here in this book that belongs to everyone. For free.
belongsbookfree
↓
be31e641-5093-4e73-be41-d963ebfbae13.gif
You communist lizard scum bags! I wrote that! Me, Jerry Smith!
bagscommunistjerrylizardscumsmithwrote
↓
52ee0f25-8370-4497-880e-44e2c92fd6a9.gif
Guess what! Dinosaurs are not secretly evil
evilsecretly
↓
d21c5a27-902b-4936-af8f-097cc13a3569.gif
and they’re not out to cause anybody trouble
anybodytrouble
↓
c3a320ff-6047-445d-aebb-af52dd56ee2e.gif
but it turns out trouble has a way of following them.
followingtroubleturns
↓
1f8ed553-611c-4344-89a2-728bf42c64a5.gif
Yes, it’s showtime.
showtime
↓
bfae3217-6886-47e5-8580-9dd71da958de.gif
Literally every planet with dinosaurs on it is eventually smashed by a huge
eventuallyhugeplanetsmashed
↓
e4a8f0dd-12fe-47bc-b63e-1a94fe1f7dbd.gif
space rock that takes out them and most existing life.
existingliferockspacetakes
↓
d91dd390-8a06-4d09-a6e1-7c933c9eda83.gif
What? That can’t be true.
↓
2946fe11-b235-4a0b-a907-a65dd72ec6dc.gif
It’s alright to be frustrated. Let me explain.
alrightexplainfrustrated
↓
ed04d909-bc24-46a1-9c1d-9754da6d9e9e.gif
Why would planet killing meteors follow Dinosaurs?
followkillingplanet
↓
aa613e6d-0132-43f3-b666-8e29487f4aeb.gif
As these reptiles evolved to higher and higher levels of loving vegan godhood,
evolvedhigherlevelslovingreptilesvegan
↓
48df01f4-da05-457d-bfdb-5fafe3549a87.gif
another life-form devolved into an equally selfless,
anotherequallyformlifeselfless
↓
969afc58-7a0c-4e6a-a291-eaaafc9a2614.gif
hate filled species of barely sentient rocks.
barelyfilledhaterocksspecies
↓
6a231a49-af37-4abf-b032-7b2352494eac.gif
They hurtle through space and do as much damage as they can to their chosen enemy,
chosendamageenemyspace
↓
3ca8e5fa-ad67-4f5e-958f-4e668e834e5e.gif
which is guess-who.
↓
16b2f6be-f883-40fc-8267-f8883956fa09.gif
Everywhere these dinos go, these rocks, they come-a crashing. And this one...
crashingrocks
↓
b5b34fd7-b2d5-4b49-ab4e-10c43c1b431d.gif
is headed directly towards us.
directlyheaded
↓
31783bdf-7307-4424-9418-74800698e421.gif
- And all of our work? It was for... - Nothing, bingo!
bingo
↓
c1761dd9-f036-49e3-bf96-d1b7d1559070.gif
Welcome to life, it’s a big boat with a lot of holes
boatholeslifewelcome
↓
d56e6eb5-71d5-4a21-add8-db65e794c751.gif
but we’re all in it together.
↓
53332f95-23ad-4956-aca1-6e6fb8dfcfb0.gif
Oh my.
↓
e7fb8385-7f27-4cb6-8914-0bea2bb5d365.gif
So much death.
death
↓
ae897bd5-0560-4a79-a107-9ba0dc696794.gif
Congratulations, primates. Looks like Earth could have done worse!
congratulationsearthprimatesworse
↓
09ac338a-a3c9-4b91-ae1f-218f775ca57e.gif
Rick out! And don’t forget to tune into this year’s Oscars.
forgetricktuneyears
↓
ad7d8d11-48ec-4e4c-bd9f-3d13bd459d51.gif
Well, this is a, a lot to take in.
↓
000ceb50-68d4-4acf-bd28-975d5bfa2388.gif
I like trains now!
trains
↓
02fb8fac-fa46-4acc-ae56-81b5e07d0f46.gif
Okay, that hurt.
hurt
↓
a6bf152e-c06c-4848-9475-e7df348b2d0f.gif
Trains rule! Dino’s Drool!
droolruletrains
↓
033e67ae-8bb9-4fba-8cc1-9f105874a570.gif
And you had no idea about the disastrous meteors that followed in your wake?
followedideawake
↓
726d0d1d-42df-4098-a6c0-c4c548a1bf7f.gif
We just learned about it like you. Truly heartbreaking news.
learnednewstruly
↓
3d769b4e-e591-44a7-9444-54aa733f45b8.gif
But I assume you’re gonna destroy it when it arrives here, right?
arrivesassumedestroy
↓
2ab9b16b-2543-4227-8d78-fb6f49e06192.gif
We’re in the process of finding a solution that um doesn’t involve violence.
findinginvolveprocesssolutionviolence
↓
734e6fbe-0cd8-45c9-97b9-d9ed09a17f0d.gif
Hold on, you’re in the process?
process
↓
b8c1f997-e9fd-4a28-b33a-6309fb95ef3f.gif
Well there you have it Cooperheads. An angry species of rock is gonna slamm
angryrockspecies
↓
f6d29a2d-39b3-406d-aace-18e02b57a311.gif
into our... sorry, their planet,
planet
↓
12761922-52ec-402e-8116-a8570235a1a3.gif
and our new planet runners are weighing whether to let it happen.
happenplanetrunnersweighingwhether
↓
0fd039f3-6a9b-43d5-b9a8-17d7afeefe77.gif
I mean no one knows if the meteor species is even real!
knowsmeteorrealspecies
↓
69fb07f3-fcbf-4bd2-8e5c-9730705be51f.gif
No. It’s very real. We all know that.
real
↓
484c4196-12d6-4741-83f0-fbaf39c3a18c.gif
You know what’s real? A rear naked choke hold. I’ll show you.
chokenakedrealrear
↓
97c1a8ee-644c-4886-a9d9-67eac1eeebd4.gif
What?
↓
5f16ad46-badc-41f1-b7b3-35e8b3e35f1b.gif
Final question, how we doing?
finalquestion
↓
f947711b-a7de-46ac-85d3-1fb4ad9fcc19.gif
We have come to the conclusion the only way to ensure humanity will be safe
conclusionensurehumanitysafe
↓
7e80a92e-464d-4059-926f-7616e3d4e199.gif
is for us to go. We’re leaving the planet for good.
leavingplanet
↓
7b5c3a07-4915-4697-8335-2fa2296925b7.gif
Exxon spilling the oil, Chernobyl blowing up,
blowingspilling
↓
d35bd003-1b9c-408f-bc18-18a92e3c8dce.gif
Asbestos in Montana, Atlantic City, type 2 diabetes,
asbestosatlanticatlantic-citycitydiabetesmontanatype
↓
5a4efde9-8669-4bcb-ac1c-a852e0912ed2.gif
Deepwater deeply blew it,
blewdeeply
↓
f3541c13-c8c1-47b2-981a-deddf4c2b611.gif
giant garbage island,
garbagegiantisland
↓
c6217dcf-c1c2-4c92-ac4d-b95910f1e757.gif
and all the bees are dying,
beesdying
↓
55dbf3e9-d6f1-4668-bf63-c544542abcea.gif
fuck off and Dienosaurs.
fuck
↓
ce626861-0089-4fa3-a66d-e296ba08d218.gif
Maybe it’s the molly, but I fucking love you, Rick!
fuckingfucking-lovelovemollyrick
↓
a2341a6a-b7f8-4196-b059-e600f44915bf.gif
It’s the molly.
molly
↓
55e806ff-6220-45e6-8600-321b7c8a4f9b.gif
Isn’t this nice? Rivalries behind us, dinos gone,
behindgone
↓
42f04724-e6d7-41f0-8741-fa38acbe30de.gif
two cool guys living in the moment!
coollivingmoment
↓
588d04af-7213-4869-adc9-d7f4069a74e1.gif
So, like, you know what you’re gonna wear, because...
wear
↓
2b6a6653-4043-4a26-9b78-97c2c0962bf1.gif
I can’t get another plus one.
anotherplus
↓
78b1fa63-9499-48c5-b9f5-0da3f9be66a5.gif
What?! I’m the one who got you the gig, you son of a bitch. I feel this napkin.
bitchnapkin
↓
dc61aa8e-a196-4f71-ad1b-0d7e180ba2d2.gif
Feel this napkin. So soft.
napkinsoft
↓
84fd790e-1c95-497c-b324-78619a86a2e4.gif
This is the 95th annual Academy Awards!
academyannualawards
↓
5a769848-23bd-4178-af2b-e51074e91638.gif
Now, please welcome your host,
hostwelcome
↓
db1bc36e-fdf1-4957-91df-5e3dd0ef69cf.gif
an old science guy who got rid of the dinosaurs
science
↓
d84467d9-cf6f-4722-8319-85635909aa47.gif
Rick Sanchez!
ricksanchez
↓
7a94e3ae-f305-4555-8da0-9a4075a11351.gif
Suck my grey tits, Hollywood pinkos!
greyhollywoodsucktits
↓
9d10502f-8b5f-4822-adf9-441eac362d99.gif
Where’s the mic? The raising mic?
raising
↓
ac2a60cc-110f-4387-8ce6-1d57b7a7d0f4.gif
Bring it up!
bring
↓
e9aff9d6-2301-419f-b9bd-8b8abdf960a5.gif
Tommy! Tom Hanks is here!
hankstommy
↓
612275ec-6d1a-4a0c-b1b2-194efc4e4e1a.gif
C’mon, do it.
↓
a6e85a21-8cc3-4a8a-8b8d-492aa6f2d89a.gif
Come on. Do it.
↓
e845c7d1-84fa-4ed1-879f-ee83e01d30b2.gif
Okay okay, one time.
↓
f2417c15-8b4a-42e3-9f36-be0180830c5d.gif
Wilson!
wilson
↓
625a6516-888b-4ae5-8daa-566526cf87b6.gif
I’m Oscar Host Rick!
hostoscarrick
↓
1232077b-ab7d-4c7f-bd7a-313868d76166.gif
Grandpa Rick, this is so cool.
coolgrandparick
↓
a6173fec-93b7-4b75-b0af-e1ea1f3ecdcd.gif
- That microphone bit killed. - Yeah, told you it would!
killedmicrophone
↓
95d50bcc-b938-4717-ae56-4faa8d272050.gif
- That was all scripted? - Every moment at the Oscars is.
moment
↓
c3940ebc-fa96-4fa3-a591-338cae8bb6aa.gif
Even that one thing.
↓
17810ea8-b74f-4871-9f8b-736d49b42411.gif
- Look who stole themselves a swag bag! - Fucking Sprinkles coupon!
couponfuckingsprinklesstole
↓
296fdbf7-e62f-400d-951d-3a398455d086.gif
We’re splitting that.
splitting
↓
03d1b246-ddb3-4740-8679-0393bfc1bea5.gif
So I was thinking it might be funny to add dinosaurs to the In Memoriam.
funnymightthinking
↓
19fc624b-e311-4bf8-984e-9072c57e6b6c.gif
It feels beneath us, it’s funnier that they left and we don’t even care.
beneathcarefeelsfunnierleft
↓
94537035-3ab2-490b-b4eb-9b3ceb7d59c3.gif
Yeah, they left but they keep begging for attention.
attentionbeggingleft
↓
3c1e98db-ec10-4913-beca-5972064f6ab5.gif
You haven’t heard? The dinos are just standing up there on Mars
heardmarsstanding
↓
8238c438-eb66-4f46-b90e-73313cbb0986.gif
with their dicks in their hands. So dramatic.
dicksdramatichands
↓
f90f39c4-600f-4a87-ba2e-2a29d513bb28.gif
What, they’re just gonna let the meteor hit them and die?
meteor
↓
505e1fde-0103-4602-bf64-bba62cb83032.gif
Good. If being superior to everyone makes you die, I call that balance.
balancemakessuperior
↓
1da30049-d749-4aee-b30f-448649d29cac.gif
It’s all in my globally published book the Dinos stripped my name from!
booknamepublishedstripped
↓
6b00b394-cc6f-4b4d-84e1-860705e5dbe8.gif
Oscars are over.
↓
a2b67557-a6dc-4ce1-814e-e8e5d7dfc9c0.gif
Where are my keys?
keys
↓
17b83c6e-0a79-48ef-9a7e-600583b4893c.gif
Goddammit, I need to fix portal travel!
goddammitportaltravel
↓
8505cc3f-d02b-4908-b6f7-1304867e611d.gif
And I’m going to, I have a process!
process
↓
27b2346f-5bb2-4851-ba96-6e88ce1b44b3.gif
Our final act of kindness.
finalkindness
↓
a2115d65-0f30-4a60-97d4-0dcd5d7260d6.gif
It’s been an honor serving the sanctity of life with you all.
honorlifeserving
↓
8136dc13-f962-4359-a7f4-7f1825b8feb5.gif
- Rick, what are you doing? - Standing here with you guys.
rickstanding
↓
dc974234-2881-4f9c-964f-d0fd7f5699ed.gif
You don’t want to do that. We’re sacrificing ourselves here.
↓
154e31ad-692d-4c53-a8dc-629d42a5f0d5.gif
Then so am I! Y’know? Elon Musk be damned, we’re blowing up Mars.
blowingdamnedmarsyknow
↓
214e5c91-aaa2-4f6f-be8e-809b7a23b8d5.gif
No. We’re doing something selfless, you’re doing it out of pettiness.
selfless
↓
1517db10-bc0f-403f-9846-1a0071d3d415.gif
How is anyone supposed to know the difference?
differencesupposed
↓
ff682a44-735d-4107-821b-268e92e4bc2d.gif
Consider it a game of virtue chicken.
chickenconsidergamevirtue
↓
d49432d1-fca3-4316-8cc4-419a8e5314d2.gif
Okay, if you won’t go, we’ll make you go.
↓
18737cec-9a70-47bd-859a-2dc3fb73051d.gif
Sorry, I dino-proofed my tech to spite you guys.
spitetech
↓
d55f102e-3a6a-4695-82d9-22456f0a7e18.gif
Which further proves selflessness and selfishness are two sides of the same coin
coinfurtherprovessides
↓
54c539e9-56fd-4764-ba8b-b874b7d9d238.gif
so what’s the point?
point
↓
9f253201-367e-4f8e-9d88-b268dc3b556e.gif
Fine. Cool with me that your final chapter is dying on Mars with an old dick head.
chaptercooldickdyingfinalheadmars
↓
3af60294-d12e-46eb-af92-ece4f57b589f.gif
Alright! Welcome back!
alrightwelcome
↓
0a03b108-f3e4-404a-82a0-c855c9939ce3.gif
You obnoxious little twat!
obnoxioustwat
↓
734b42ec-f883-43e1-ab50-be0a17bc6bf1.gif
Yeah but you’re alive! No David Foster Wallace-ing in my galaxy.
alivedavidfostergalaxywallace
↓
f8ee0f9b-6607-4b91-989d-fc9dd5e3a87e.gif
You don’t get to be so smart that you remove yourself from everybody.
everybodyremovesmart
↓
f91424b9-da52-45d6-b5ff-c8b80ec7cafe.gif
From one god being to another, you’re welcome.
anotherwelcome
↓
0476bf0b-5783-40b3-b34f-63d15d693282.gif
Well, as long as we’re doing each other favors.
favors
↓
df8cc827-60c3-4ca5-9a34-0caa5fa01ae4.gif
Wait what are you doing?
↓
0d229bdd-b19c-4d9b-9c73-cebc05815329.gif
You fixed my Rift?! You fucking hypocritical cocks!
cocksfixedfucking
↓
5f2d6449-c222-4424-8ccd-c82b7a7f64de.gif
It was all canonical and shit!
↓
6d49c87c-06eb-4946-b4ea-501eed626848.gif
We coulda milked that thing for a whole season.
couldaseasonwhole
↓
a845216e-7b24-4c71-97dc-7b4fa8b9a330.gif
Or like a three episode arc at least!
episodeleastthree
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Sorry. That’s just us. We love helping, god beings to god being.
beingshelpinglove
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Seriously! I was gonna fix that!
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Shit. They’re coming back!
coming
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Can we turn on the AC? It’s like a thousand degrees outside!
degreesthousand
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Yes! New follower! Named...
named
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Crypto_For_Bare_Toes
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Not sure I get it but sounds like business!
businesssounds
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- Proud of you, honey. - Is Dad okay?
honeyproud
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Yes, I’m just writing my second book.
booksecondwriting
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I don’t know what it’s gonna be about, but I can tell you one thing
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the title is "Jerry Smith Presents: A Book By Jerry Smith."
bookjerrypresentssmithtitle
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Chapter one.
chapter
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ae89a430-a845-454d-9d6a-2ba740306eb4.gif
Fuck!
fuck
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Morty, get your ass in the garage.
garagemorty
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Check it out. A dimension where hats wear people.
checkdimensionhatswear
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I did it, I fixed portal travel!
fixedportaltravel
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- Oh shit! - Figured my guy deserves a vacation.
deservesfiguredvacation
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- Boob world! - You’re damn right. And it’s Areola Week.
boobweekworld
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- Alright! Good old fashioned portal fun! - Yep, like this!
alrightfashionedfunportal
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- It’s gonna be classic episodes, Morty! - I’m gonna puke, Rick!
classicepisodesmortypukerick
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Portaling in! Wrecking shit, portaling out, Morty.
mortywrecking
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Oh my god, adventures, Morty! Social commentary! Crude characters!
adventurescharacterscrudemortysocial
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Here we go! Rick and Morty time!
mortyrick
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This is our home now.
home
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893f7acf-e675-4e73-9387-033f205534da.gif
We shall live out the rest of our days here.
daysliverest
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d4b58138-3d7e-464e-9287-e51ba538d53d.gif
Never interfering with the ways of the universe again.
universeways
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ebe2a631-b56a-40e9-b05d-a81e2e81b654.gif
We are content.
content
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It was a good run.
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Speaking of a good run.
speaking
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I bet I could switch heel onto that manny pad, big spin out,
heelspinswitch
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Tre flip that gap, 5-0 the rail, drop into the bowl,
bowldropflip
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stale fish into a Christ air and then we get fucking wrecked.
christfishfuckingwrecked
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It’s on, Iguanadon.
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d29ebec3-5bd3-49e4-8d48-7d323164684e.gif
Grinding some rocks. Nollie the hubba.
grindingrocks
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Goofyfoot, kickflip, take care of the Groms.
care
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2869ed67-d5a5-4455-a392-61c15c8fb0a7.gif
But you’re a bad little dino boy and you’re rotting in a crater.
rotting
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So now let’s make some noise.
noise