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Home » Rick and Morty » S06E05 — Final DeSmithation

Rick and Morty

Season 6, Episode 5 — Final DeSmithation

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Rick and Morty
Episode title: Final DeSmithation
Air date: October 02, 2022
Director: Douglas Einar Olsen
Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke
After a fortune cookie at Panda Express somehow has the ability to change someone's fate, Rick and Jerry must go on an adventure to stop and steal this ability.
Source: TMDB
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Now that was some fantastic chow mein
chowfantasticmein
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and before you say that sounded racist, you can ask the waiter how they say it.
racistsoundedwaiter
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It's Panda Express, honey. The waiter’s from Portland.
expresshoneypanda
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Alright who the hell changed my ringtone to the theme from Taxi?
alrightchangedtaxitheme
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It's a new thing on Taxi Tok,
taxi
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that's a subculture on TikTok of kids who decided the theme from Taxi slaps.
decidedkidsslapstaxithemetiktok
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Now you have to play the Taxi theme for ten people while I film it.
filmtaxitheme
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I don't have to do shit, that's dumb.
dumb
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It raises awareness for leukemia.
awarenessleukemiaraises
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So. Who else is excited for the zoo tomorrow?
excitedtomorrow
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Zoos are my favorite kind of non-water park.
favoriteparkwaterwater-park
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It's just a shame that they both give you diarrhea.
diarrheashame
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You only get diarrhea at the zoo
diarrhea
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if you eat the food you're supposed to feed to the animals.
animalsfeedfoodsupposed
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- Which you've done, twice. - They put it in gumball machines.
machinestwice
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You know Fortune Cookies only come true if you eat the cookie first.
cookiecookiesfortunefortune-cookies
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Alright. ''Hard work often pays off?'' Lame.
alrighthardlameoftenpays
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''Family time is time well spent.''
familyspent
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OK, that's not only empty, it's been disproven.
empty
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OK, mine says, ''Family time is time well...''
family
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Man I got the same one.
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What's your stupid twenty first century watered down fortune cookie say, Dad?
centurycookiefortunestupidtwentywatered
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''You will have sex with your mother.''
mother
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- When do we leave for the zoo? - One hour.
hour
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- You have one hour to let go of this. - I'm already done thinking about it.
hourthinking
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on his probability field and this fortune has some strange powers
fieldfortunepowersstrange
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- I'm gonna need to investigate. - Really? God, I knew it.
investigate
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Okay. Well. Be careful, honey.
carefulhoney
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Bring me back a handful of zebra snacks?
bringhandfulsnackszebra
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And please take pictures with my favorite animal, the white tiger.
animalfavoritepicturestigerwhite
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- Because they breed via incest? - Is that true?
breed
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- I knew I was right. - Not even close.
close
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I just didn't want to see someone get bullied into going to a zoo.
bullied
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You may be the single dumbest human I've ever met, Jerry,
dumbesthumanjerrysingle
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but you still have a right to take whatever you want seriously.
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Thank you. But if that thing says I'm not gonna do it with my mom,
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I can go to the zoo.
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Jerry, this thing measures aberrations in probability waves,
jerrywaves
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I didn't even bother to turn it on because if I did...
bother
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- What? - Nothing. Don't get weird on me.
weird
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But, since we're free for the afternoon, you mind doing a quick activity?
activityafternoonfreemindquick
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We're gonna disprove this with efficient brute force.
bruteefficientforce
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These are two shoeboxes, both are empty but I wrote your mother's name
emptymothersnamewrote
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- on the inside of one. - What? God no. If you think for a second
second
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- I'm gonna put my... - Good, I didn't wanna do this anyway.
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Fine! Can I just tell you which box I would put my penis in?
penis
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Saying it seems worse, but okay.
seemsworse
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Alright. I would put my penis in the box on the right.
alrightpenis
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Great, look in the other direction and I'm gonna switch up the boxes.
boxesdirectionswitch
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- This feels really low-tech. - Yeah, cause we're measuring reality.
feelsrealitytech
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I would take out my penis and place it in the box on the right.
penisplace
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Again.
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- I would put my penis... - Jerry, you don't have
jerrypenis
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to say penis every time, just left or right
leftpenis
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- This was your idea. - I didn't think it'd go on this long.
idea
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- Okay, penis, Left. - Keep going.
leftpenis
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Right.
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Left.
left
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- Right. - Jerry are you fucking peeking?
fuckingjerrypeeking
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Tell me what's going on. You're scaring me.
scaring
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Okay, I'm just as likely to shit a balloon as I am to become a dolphin.
balloonbecomedolphinlikely
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Those are things that could happen?
happen
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Jerry, everything is as likely as anything else.
jerrylikely
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Which is why it's weird that you're at all likely to...
likelyweird
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To what? To what?
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Jerry, has your mother been leaving messages?
jerryleavingmessagesmother
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- Three texts. I'm afraid to read them. - Read them.
afraidreadtextsthree
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She's asking if she can come visit. Why would she want that?
askingvisit
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Jerry, I'm gonna tell you something I've never told anyone.
jerry
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We need to go to Panda Express.
expresspanda
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If these guys wanted my respect, they could've just gotten a liquor license.
couldvegottenlicenseliquorrespectwanted
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Now you think this has something to do with you?
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Jerry, whoever's behind that fortune has, like, god powers.
behindfortunejerrypowerswhoevers
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Of course it has something to do with me,
course
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what do you think I am in this story, the father-in-law?
fatherstory
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You guys wanted my attention?
attentionwanted
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Okay, well, now I'm getting mixed signals.
mixedsignals
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Stay here, Jerry, time to kick ass. Gonna need a soundtrack.
jerrykick
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Ship! Favorites playlist, track one!
favoritesplaylistshiptrack
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Alright, fine, no wrong answers.
alrightanswers
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Tell me where you get your cookies at and we can
cookies
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- all walk out of here alive! DEA? - Fuck you, DEA piece of shit! Cookies?
alivecookiesfuckpiecewalk
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- Fortune cookies. - You're not here about our gang's
cookiesfortunefortune-cookiesgangs
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- city-wide meth ring? - What? No.
citymethringwide
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Break the laws, they shouldn't exist anyway.
breakexistlaws
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85bcfe72-a840-4a5d-acab-4a6b09bb2552.gif
- I am embarrassed. - Me too.
embarrassed
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6eaa2efe-7182-4bff-a7b5-9306d957b536.gif
- Sorry about these dead guys. - Comes with the territory.
comesdeadterritory
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064a9aa2-e709-4466-8849-329d0e75c5ca.gif
- So where do you get your cookies? - Same distributor as everyone else.
cookies
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4676a421-91e7-4da7-a79d-c2860e2e1096.gif
- That's their truck out back. - Solid.
solidtruck
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f28bd200-0b59-4929-95a9-359e61324e43.gif
OK, I'm gonna take the truck in exchange for not turning you in.
exchangetruckturning
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Jeez, how much money can there be in cookies that you get for free?
cookiesfreejeezmoney
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And now we're being retina scanned? I know! I've got a theory, Jerry.
jerrytheory
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eb679ef8-51b6-4c42-8d48-0d733b69a0da.gif
- Good. - This place is run by Cookie Monster.
cookiemonsterplace
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He's really protective about his cookies.
cookiesprotective
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C'mon man you can't crack a smile?
cracksmile
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Yeah, you're worried about doing it with your mom. Okay, fair enough.
fairworried
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Fuckin' cameras everywhere. That cup is a camera. That tree is a camera.
cameracamerasfuckintree
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- Can you disable them? - Stealth rule number one:
numberrulerule-numberstealth
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turning off 300 cameras draws more attention than changing outfits.
attentioncameraschangingdrawsoutfitsturning
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Looks like we need to dress for success.
dresssuccess
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e56267fc-1bff-4cb4-b791-1bcf809dda45.gif
Eye of Thundara, give me suits beyond suits.
beyondsuits
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Jerry assistant clothing, make-up.
assistantclothingjerry
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fa59c3ba-425f-4d8a-826e-f04dd62dbb4a.gif
- What the hell was that? - Reuseable Sailor Moon sequence.
moonsailorsequence
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If we ever need to show you becoming my assistant again,
assistantbecoming
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we can repeat it and save lots of money.
lotsmoneyrepeatsave
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d90286cb-b081-4567-9c4a-3fa393a51687.gif
Why does an operation bigger than the government want me to
biggergovernmentoperation
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couple with my mother?
couplemother
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Bezos, Bill Gates, prime ministers.
billgatesprime
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Weirdly Billy Zane is also here.
billy
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Hello. You're about to meet me, Jennith Padrow-Chunt.
meet
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Fifteen years ago, I was living in my parent’s garage,
fifteengaragelivingparentsyears
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eating ramen out of a toilet when I discovered something.
discoveredeatingtoilet
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Fate isn’t fiction. Everything you want can be yours, if you ask for it.
fatefiction
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Just ask me.
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- Hello, me. - Hello, me.
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Look at me's. Every suit I wear is virgin white.
suitvirginwearwhite
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I sleep on a bed of loose grains, and begin every morning by dragging
begindraggingloosemorningsleep
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my perfect vagina across Chinese silver grass. I'm firm and ripe.
chinesefirmgrassperfectripesilvervagina
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My mother's plane just landed. She took a photo at the airport,
airportlandedmothersphotoplane
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in front of that Wolfgang Puck that smells like a kindergarten.
frontkindergartenpucksmells
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Want to know the secret to how I changed my future?
changedfuturesecret
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- Yes. - Well, once you're a level seven investor
investorlevelseven
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you'll learn that and more.
learn
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bd54aa21-135a-41d7-9c5a-a4d4b4bad102.gif
Yeah, we're not getting the answers we want here. Let's go deeper.
answersdeeper
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And now, thanks to your generous contributions,
generousthanks
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here are this year's cookies.
cookiesyears
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''You will receive a six-point-eight percent year on year increase'' Very nice.
eightincreasepercentpointreceive
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''Your talents are appreciated when you become junior partner.''
appreciatedbecomejuniorpartnertalents
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Holy shit I'm gonna be on 'Dancing with the Stars'!
dancingholystars
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- Please, I can get the money. I swear! - I'm afraid it's too late for that.
afraidlatemoneyswear
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God what does it say?
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Your penis will be mangled by afrozen yogurt machine at the U.N.!
machinemangledpenisyogurt
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I know that machine!
machine
↓
892ae438-30d0-4a1c-abc5-e46db8eca659.gif
This would sound impossible to a layman but to me it rings inevitable!
impossibleinevitableringssound
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Holy shit. This is real. They're controlling fate for profit.
controllingfateholyprofitreal
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I'm glad you're happy, now can we blow up the building or something?
blowbuildinggladhappy
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I don't think that's the best way to take away their power, Jerry.
bestjerrypower
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Let's take it in a way that ends with us having it.
endshaving
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- You mean you having it. - I'll share it.
havingshare
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- Then you fuck my mom. - That's not how it works
fuckworks
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- and I already have. - What?
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Jesus, Jerry, come on.
jerryjesus
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How unfortunate.
unfortunate
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Use the emergency fortunes!
emergency
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Fighting Fortunes? They're leveling up.
fighting
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93707313-12d4-4cd3-98d6-bef06ba48a62.gif
''You'll have great success in a fight''
fightsuccess
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I'll be damned
damned
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Fuck! This both sucks and is really valuable data!
datafucksucksvaluable
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- Rick what are you doing?! - Using you as a human shield!
humanrickshieldusing
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You said it! You said the thing I thought you were doing!!
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We've got intruders. And one of them has an unresolved fortune.
fortune
↓
dba75e34-2933-4a17-bf23-27039e633f0c.gif
- We need that man's mother. - Lot of mothers in the world, ma'am.
maammansmothermothersworld
↓
21780fe6-efcd-4d7b-b1ef-af2d6ed6bbdf.gif
But only one of them is Mrs.
↓
70e0e192-ee46-4bca-bbfb-0f302611f1d3.gif
God damn it, Smith?
smith
↓
433039ff-5442-4baa-8689-0c346c789d37.gif
So are we going to ignore that you tried to stop bullets using my body?
bodybulletsignoretriedusing
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8a172509-5f1a-411c-971e-f86917f618e7.gif
You have an unresolved fortune. Until you have sex with your mom,
fortune
↓
eab34a1f-674b-4857-bf0c-bf69a4f2569a.gif
you're basically immortal. Do you have any idea how amazing that is?
amazingideaimmortal
↓
285cbd67-98dc-44b4-9190-4e8030ad76cb.gif
You don't even care about me. You just want fortune cookie power.
carecookiefortunepower
↓
59fa73d9-0ef3-429e-9ac1-4659443c103a.gif
Okay, Jerry, how about this. If it comes down to it,
comesjerry
↓
e16f8470-f6f7-4c60-9811-8a300e96113c.gif
- I promise I'll put a bullet in her head. - No!
bulletheadpromise
↓
7dd13e79-59d6-4b2e-aff2-bbf99cdd9df7.gif
You're right, the fortune didn't say she'd be alive, did it?
alivefortuneshed
↓
5555c1d3-d9ee-406b-bc59-34d40129ea07.gif
- I hate you! - Hate productive things.
hateproductive
↓
f2146886-a122-4ba9-9a00-aa3d43447999.gif
Hate crawling through a fucking air vent.
crawlingfuckinghatevent
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52b47fb7-bf58-4454-beaf-a3a0ca1822c1.gif
Those are those weird hex headed screws. Do your screwdriver fingers...
fingersheadedscrewdriverscrewsweird
↓
9111e93c-8f31-4001-b009-ed7171ddc429.gif
Here you go.
↓
f304c1a7-b2bf-4f2f-a41e-0bf33c5688ac.gif
Well, at least we have no idea what's going on.
idealeast
↓
d776c03e-ba13-48e4-b378-72a4a074f597.gif
That's a Lockerean. It's a species that eats chaos.
chaoseatsspecies
↓
fea4ca41-8976-4d27-b167-131924d3a548.gif
But It has a digestive disorder Its stomach is stripping randomness
disorderstomachstripping
↓
1feaaa0e-93b9-4ca8-a1b1-83c336d42f94.gif
from spacetime and leaving behind superdense pockets of energy
behindenergyleavingpockets
↓
c8997012-0d3d-4aa4-9091-3f20982addc6.gif
that bend entropy towards definable outcomes.
bend
↓
a1939c10-e231-4c4f-b5be-5afd60da1b7b.gif
I mean, that's how fate works. It's a field, like gravity,
fatefieldgravityworks
↓
110177a8-1d6a-461d-a486-a57a6cd73c88.gif
but instead of pulling small toward big it pulls unknown toward known.
knownpullingpullsunknown
↓
46ff78a6-60d1-4ff0-b460-d0f27ea14204.gif
- So we do know what’s going on. - We know this:
↓
eab0c1da-9c43-4687-9654-328a6925425e.gif
everyone that's had a fortune cookie in the last twenty years
cookiefortunetwentyyears
↓
8c6d1174-b814-4f17-82cc-d86d5ab7ee39.gif
has eaten this thing's poop. Fortune cookies are alien poop.
aliencookieseatenfortunefortune-cookiespoop
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2d6f7a77-4fd8-42ec-a580-45b1de9168eb.gif
These fortunes are so basic.
basic
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8ede6f8d-ba10-4b7f-a1bf-e4f760313f24.gif
Why wouldn't you use this power to change the world?
changepowerworld
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51f71341-ba50-4064-a540-904406875396.gif
Or at least get Nintendo to make a portable VR headset.
headsetleastnintendo
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118cf28b-df16-4c44-8dc2-0adc1ebac259.gif
This place ain't for creating the future, but controlling it.
aintcontrollingcreatingfutureplace
↓
5150b763-13c0-4228-981c-760cd04e311a.gif
Hi, I'm Old. Old M. Hucksbee. The M. Stands for Man.
stands
↓
a2d07fd5-3170-439f-ad91-90fdfb3eba38.gif
You're an arch little character. You're the reason fortune cookies suck?
archcharactercookiesfortunefortune-cookiesreasonsuck
↓
cf64580f-5827-4c40-be34-fd2d07cf5c52.gif
No, that's Jenneth Chunt's idea.
idea
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1e21724e-be0c-49a5-97fe-9fea650d7c85.gif
You have to glut the marketplace with pointless fortunes
pointless
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36d6bade-5708-4164-9e42-c774f2e9b5e1.gif
to increase the value of real ones.
increaseonesrealvalue
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9657320d-e3e3-4497-af0e-74fbd380b9eb.gif
Controlling destiny for a price, that's the Fortune 500's fortune.
controllingdestinyfortuneprice
↓
859e4f85-d2f3-4431-9778-dcb8d97f102b.gif
- And you're trying to stop them? - Just trying to get out.
↓
1af069cc-9506-4e63-ae09-f6d59de36649.gif
I want to be free with this here alien gal so we can get married.
alienfreemarried
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a71fc3fb-ebe9-4baa-b934-9e7b2e6a2059.gif
Then we can have relations.
relations
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09d704a8-c5a4-4765-b99b-723761f410a1.gif
Can't do that before marriage, you know. I'm a Catholic.
catholicmarriage
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c130f01a-db1e-4210-be87-6e0b68b04637.gif
Does the alien want that?
alien
↓
52871d07-19ea-4e8b-98f2-c56c47d4135e.gif
It's not exactly what I'd call a sentient species.
species
↓
4a7ae574-86bc-4f94-8a0e-11103b733200.gif
A man knows.
knows
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cd906787-4b8f-4052-8606-5c33acfe3b3f.gif
What does this have to do with me?
↓
70bfd9fc-5f17-4a72-b9ca-a2636c6c5378.gif
You put this in my cookie.
cookie
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7a3f0890-f5ed-4b27-a221-185dd9a9bfda.gif
I been trying to get people's attention. I'd make fortunes saying
attentionpeoples
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05ff4b3d-06a4-443d-9d58-47fbad46b6d7.gif
''You're gonna break your leg unless you investigate this cookie company.''
breakcompanycookieinvestigate
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117ed9a5-02e4-4ee6-ad25-8b475598010a.gif
or ''please come help me or a virus will shut down the world,''
virusworld
↓
5fc86b34-673f-44c3-a112-398a7ec375d1.gif
finally I just made a bunch that said
bunchfinally
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b98b8d0a-dc35-411d-b3b9-9a5f407f74cd.gif
"You’re gonna have sex with your own momma."
↓
90fe85b8-5692-4bdc-995a-ad3743a26ca2.gif
How many? It, what happened to the others?
happenedothers
↓
927ea2d2-1016-4332-ae36-353cf0f54906.gif
I 'spose they fucked their moms.
fuckedmoms
↓
87dcc2de-4511-41d8-80e1-a33131890caa.gif
Now let's cut her chains and get the hell out of here.
chains
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f81b8ba1-5c7f-4ed0-a619-a285dc2845fc.gif
Well, shit on a spaghetti.
spaghetti
↓
e17755dd-1e38-4613-bd4f-1a2e77416dad.gif
Hello Jerry Smith. Glad you could join us
gladjerryjoinsmith
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faeada76-70a9-4d86-8c3a-d0e684e27863.gif
- on bring your mother to work day. - Mom!
bringmother
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a1d5dbe3-460d-4d72-89d9-aff4ef07a632.gif
Hi, Jerry. Your friends picked me up in a limousine.
friendsjerrylimousinepicked
↓
25f7b5d2-b0e3-47fc-90c7-bd6cf90f406a.gif
They said you won something and I should be the one to give it to you?
↓
f5e0f7f7-78b4-493e-961e-80ac1d645efc.gif
- You sick fucks. - Are you guys enjoying this?
enjoyingfuckssick
↓
16253232-e917-46b7-a579-295544bf8ffa.gif
I used to think I was just a regular white woman.
regularusedwhitewhite-womanwoman
↓
bc7d48bf-e047-4cd3-a339-716f5ece4f4e.gif
Then I discovered I could control my destiny.
controldestinydiscovered
↓
0e620ed9-cef1-4381-a585-87f6a43c6976.gif
All white women think that. The truth is, this alien crashed
aliencrashedtruthwhitewhite-womenwomen
↓
1095d964-86c0-412b-84ce-284c5ce6f83f.gif
- in your yard and you ate its shit. - How dare you. What’s your name?
darenameyard
↓
0eb67f91-bd8c-461b-96c2-5c94351ab7cd.gif
How dare you? We should’ve blown up the building.
blownbuildingdareshouldve
↓
6558970a-726a-4448-a33a-340613d7664e.gif
Doesn't matter. All I was gonna say is:
matter
↓
675a3f96-220c-4f9d-8712-ac35918d2e7a.gif
guess what, insert name, time for you to eat shit. But first.
insertname
↓
4b1f2e5c-993d-47c8-8973-75a4b96a632f.gif
- No, I'm so wet. - No.
↓
de9877b3-bd62-4844-a05d-4eb882a59f2e.gif
Jerry. Come back and block bullets.
blockbulletsjerry
↓
a8a41877-e5ee-4f9c-9356-69843d25fc6e.gif
Authorizing the use of prototype fortunes.
prototype
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25f19578-c1a1-4c6a-92e5-23948b94e601.gif
- Fuck! - You can't hide.
fuckhide
↓
efec7780-3753-4d11-8e08-28676182298d.gif
My fortune said ''eadshots Only.''
fortune
↓
30ba6fe4-5476-4396-9ed2-c4df08792269.gif
Harry, Greg, Lashawn, Dave C, Dave M, no!
davegregharry
↓
35d9ff0c-c1c9-4a51-bd8e-571b6b8c3dd2.gif
You piece of shit you killed my friends.
friendskilledpiece
↓
0ae05ce7-d120-4735-8ead-5cab0ef54a7a.gif
Alright, what does the future hold?
alrightfuture
↓
a019e463-1295-427b-bab4-1739329d044f.gif
Blast him or we're both gonna die.
blast
↓
0900392e-07bf-4188-94a3-6daec39c6a61.gif
Oh god, oh god.
↓
79eda02b-f168-45d2-8d6e-7b18223acd69.gif
You control-control water. Like, the water inside a guy.
controlwater
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2a9d67e5-ded2-46f3-b395-aaba8397e0f6.gif
That's a gross power.
grosspower
↓
fb520c1d-eb96-438c-90a2-2a372dc20bf6.gif
I’m gonna let you live because your fortune sucks.
fortunelivesucks
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7801a211-0b05-46a4-a7a8-478bd2f1b6e1.gif
Trust me, that's not as good as it sounds.
soundstrust
↓
7bd4ef7f-1873-4aa4-8dff-1349ac29403d.gif
It hurts! It burns!
burnshurts
↓
2703eb86-597b-4e06-974c-b9b6c10479eb.gif
Fuck! Oh my god my ribs! I can feel my shattered ribs.
fuckribsshattered
↓
fea98bce-fdbe-40e3-8ace-e1af01b17daa.gif
Shit these are useless. Where are the fighting fortunes?
fightinguseless
↓
facb7c51-9772-4a78-9315-3e13e1e5cd5e.gif
No no! Those are blanks! Without fortunes,
blanks
↓
5a279310-8155-4ab1-be9e-d0566b37f8db.gif
- the effects are completely unpredictable! - Alright.
alrightcompletelyeffects
↓
78915ee5-4613-4a68-b8c4-e4514046e94d.gif
I am the son of god.
↓
a9ad6d21-d353-4972-b4ed-78007ffa0bc3.gif
Jerry! Help me, Jerry!
jerry
↓
9e9e34f7-a8f4-4967-8622-50454ed0ff44.gif
Mom, stay away! Just stay away!
↓
032b8759-9793-42f7-912d-ba3022201c58.gif
Come on and fuck already!
fuck
↓
e91e5b39-8584-47c1-b851-f28de072ae39.gif
Ma'am, is it possible we're being given a chance to take a step back
chancegivenmaampossiblestep
↓
78aea701-81bd-4bc8-bc07-943ff300f850.gif
and examine our behav...
examine
↓
4e1b4253-771b-465f-9b9a-0f5a973c09ee.gif
You can't kill me, old man. I also have an unresolved fortune.
fortunekill
↓
15a7aed9-7645-41a6-80c7-917af7f50c2f.gif
You could do anything you wanted and you chose... work?
chosewanted
↓
a883ab78-38fe-40a9-a041-bd049c13e2c4.gif
Every day I get closer to an unattainable goal.
closergoal
↓
3a528216-eab5-4c76-bdea-4ec6d1e6cf24.gif
A one-woman lifestyle brand, forever.
brandforeverlifestylewoman
↓
a225f5a0-2328-4c51-a1ce-9d690676076b.gif
Well, I just used a dark web account to hack Goldman Sachs,
accountdarkhackused
↓
4e3159a2-407c-4c47-b6af-d074512d8f59.gif
remove trillions of dollars, and purchase everything your company offers.
companydollarsofferspurchaseremove
↓
f46b38ed-a260-49a5-a3c9-19027880003d.gif
Congratulations, you're officially the most successful business woman on Earth.
businesscongratulationsearthofficiallysuccessfulwoman
↓
4353093c-f076-4402-bb75-95b3575e416c.gif
Fortune fulfilled. And now, I'm emptying your bank accounts
accountsbankfortune
↓
e5155715-d7f0-451d-be1d-51e89d155daa.gif
and giving the money back to Goldman Sachs.
givingmoney
↓
4f2a126a-3a27-4803-b212-ebadd57e5e32.gif
Because I sit dead center on the alignment chart.
centerchartdead
↓
13e5901c-cb30-4abc-a341-d978cde6a743.gif
You son of a bitch!
bitch
↓
2811da43-b1de-4415-9bd1-78af12a13a2d.gif
How does it feel to achieve your dreams? Empty, right?
achievedreamsempty
↓
02eb4430-2d02-41d4-bd44-e158885ec9ff.gif
Like when DiCaprio won the Oscar. You could see it in his face.
faceoscar
↓
d9be03e1-d656-4f26-807b-a19f724a514b.gif
I still have one more dream,
dream
↓
982feac6-4fe6-4780-9201-589be58c60a2.gif
watching you die, Rick Sanchez!
ricksanchezwatching
↓
f7f73fe5-1f4b-4d83-94a1-24df304efc04.gif
You knew my name.
name
↓
d59e7987-4ee9-41d3-a945-7734b905f2af.gif
She's free! Run, run my beauty!
beautyfree
↓
bd512399-e29b-4992-b17d-0e0e4c55071a.gif
Well, butterfly on a corncob.
butterfly
↓
8ea5b0a6-6e79-47d4-a935-515f090f3993.gif
I see that I've romanticized a wild animal the same way Margret Howe did
animalwildwild-animal
↓
983bd57b-e2bb-401c-a1d6-656db593336e.gif
when she jerked off that dolphin in the nineteen-and sixty's.
dolphinjerkednineteen
↓
9d8e1c9e-722d-47fa-84fc-92f949bb667a.gif
Both she and I assaulted a captive creature,
assaultedcaptivecreature
↓
1bb4776b-5905-4148-876f-672d2ab997d3.gif
then expected it to be reciprocal.
expected
↓
1748164c-6850-48a8-a440-7b9797acaf3a.gif
Welp, joopity boot! Time to die.
boot
↓
ad80edeb-27e8-432f-a4be-f6826656e8ba.gif
Follow me, my queen!
followqueen
↓
d1f28432-5579-4cb5-aa67-6c2d4750b55d.gif
That's all the bad guys down, we almost got this, Jer.
↓
b1594375-2d8b-4426-b79c-8ba4a2b3f07c.gif
No!
↓
11ab6c64-6984-43be-bc3b-682e1f991b46.gif
Sticks to walls guy, I guess we were both wrong!
stickswalls
↓
7ca199f3-617f-47c1-95f8-b19b4560bcbf.gif
Oh god.
↓
6a83c9bf-6cea-42d1-bb81-7a758cc2c256.gif
- Rick, please! - Jerry, I've got the creature.
creaturejerryrick
↓
874d6a2b-e423-4d14-91ab-e3a91c5b766e.gif
- I knew it. I knew it. - God damn it
↓
84570f75-aff9-461a-bc43-667b4b95c1a3.gif
Oh god!
↓
469b0faf-fe3e-40fd-af6e-88d363f14718.gif
Goddammit.
goddammit
↓
a6ed151a-9450-4ff7-8ec9-5adfedcd8fb7.gif
- Holy shit that was close. - Close to what?
closeholy
↓
2a62ac37-8044-4375-9c0d-fa170a96de30.gif
Close to everyone but your son getting anything they want forever.
closeforever
↓
0a037a4d-3944-4425-a8d0-3c619cd1c487.gif
You saved me.
saved
↓
6723b956-f758-4403-b71b-cff34b7aafd6.gif
I will never stop holding this over you. As if that buys me anything.
buysholding
↓
5600b0f1-892f-4549-a82b-a6baf563c6d5.gif
We should get you some clothes, son.
clothes
↓
99e2ef09-6a30-4810-aaa9-5af14f0635be.gif
I can just feel the savings.
savings
↓
ea8b3698-b712-43ea-aafe-579988094e4d.gif
Hey wait. Got this at the crazy place we just were.
crazyplace
↓
e975ffa1-eb5f-4cb3-a472-839f463290ee.gif
It may look like someone stuck a hand-written fortune in there last second,
fortunehandsecondstuckwritten
↓
614142a6-0d4d-4208-9555-e95692bced52.gif
but I'm pretty sure that's just the way it came.
↓
343d2cb0-e17e-4bd1-902c-e63a065018c5.gif
Besides, these don’t mean anything.
besides
↓
36baf5c5-bd33-4120-8028-aa57aacb7532.gif
Jerry, while I appreciate the sentiment,
appreciatejerry
↓
317ecad6-05f2-46e6-9414-f2f54d245390.gif
thisis a huge waste of the last real fortune.
fortunehugerealwaste
↓
9f72e489-a07e-49db-b216-05414688f533.gif
- I'm sorry, I just... - It's cool, it's cool.
cool
↓
21f04788-9e8f-459e-9b74-4abf0edc3a7f.gif
Thanks, friend.
friendthanks
↓
f9bef36b-dfb9-46c3-80bf-8dc013f41e8e.gif
- Friend! Did you just say friend? - What, what did I do?
friend
↓
9a4f7e3a-9894-4bcf-8a2d-15ba1e8cb93b.gif
You fucking idiot! I’m not your friend! Why did you think I was your friend?
friendfuckingfucking-idiotidiot
↓
ec1090b1-6a0d-4644-8fcd-99deb31c1aaf.gif
- Look at this you piece of shit. - Yeah, yeah, yes, so
piece
↓
9abb5e08-7534-4027-a81c-5b65ff8cb976.gif
I was immortal! I was immortal for that whole fight!
fightimmortalwhole
↓
34f7adb5-27c9-40c8-88a5-2e07aab701cf.gif
All I had to do was never make a new friend!
friend
↓
5bf4f99d-4d55-478f-ac7f-1ca672e528bf.gif
- Jesus fucking Christ Jerry. - I'm sorry! We're not friends!
christfriendsfuckingfucking-christjerryjesusjesus-fucking
↓
06827b9f-5304-467a-9d1c-ab9c605963f2.gif
Yeah, too late, bonehead, it doesn't say ''new permanent friend,''
friendlatepermanent
↓
c40adb43-5f59-441d-9fed-0756d809cba0.gif
all friendships end. Especially new ones.
especiallyfriendshipsones
↓
650156e2-b75b-4d9c-8b31-ecf4c3caa50d.gif
Well maybe that’s a fate the two of us still control.
controlfate
↓
15c5873a-799a-4f5e-b0ee-8d4c33a04339.gif
- I'm sorry I did that. - It's fine.
↓
0deb1f43-a927-4504-9b2b-2894af102b9f.gif
The zoo, animals, balloons, moats, cages. A fun time for the whole family.
animalsballoonscagesfamilyfunwholewhole-family
↓
d824ddf3-231d-4cd6-93b6-5734c816bd25.gif
But you don't care about that, you're a zebra.
carezebra
↓
bf3443d5-7500-40a2-b67a-c23f11d61c9f.gif
You're here for the unparalleled dining experience of hand-fed zebra food.
diningexperiencefoodhandzebra
↓
776f6f05-0788-49bf-b306-ceeb96ae5ccc.gif
Delicious. Wait, don't eat. That's for the zebras.
delicious
↓
07b1bea5-ddb2-442e-9aa2-03e9015ab6c4.gif
It's making you sick. What are you doing?
sick
↓
ea95d83b-bef5-4790-97d7-6db12c01ebd9.gif
Jesus, why have they left all the zebra feeding to the people who come to the zoo
feedingjesusleftzebra
↓
0c6c56a6-76bb-491b-a23a-0dd387e1133d.gif
Is that the only way the zebras can get food? They’re so hungry.
foodhungry
↓
ef543544-dc98-45da-a28e-6b545ce41489.gif
What the fuck is happening? We're out of zebra food, okay?
foodfuckzebra
↓
ad22e78b-11dc-4ba3-bfe8-d9901d493e6f.gif
There's no food left, don't come to the zoo.
foodleft
↓
e242305d-055b-4463-b628-83b07d46a013.gif
This was supposed to be a commercial for zebras, targeted to zebras!
commercialsupposed
↓
ace38c71-a339-4b62-9c54-30886f1f7e0b.gif
The premise itself was questionable but this is a nightmare!
nightmarepremise
↓
c4bfeff8-ad27-47b2-841e-6edefa8961d3.gif
Don’t go to the zoo. Stay away from the zoo.
↓
4f8f72c9-57d3-4262-aefd-65629c4cb47b.gif
God what are you doing in the booth? Get out! Get out, you're mad...
booth
↓
a9637483-d5fd-4839-9a5a-19b631014783.gif
Eat it. Eat zebra food.
foodzebra
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21acdbf1-23f8-43eb-9598-71794d364528.gif
Okay, I guess I can’t blame Dad for being confused about what to do
blameconfused
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8c9266c9-fc30-4e33-bcaf-5df08d9414b7.gif
with the zebra food. Also, I have no idea why they're running this ad, like
foodidearunningzebra
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a105848b-846c-4cab-8046-60a150f21aa1.gif
on a loop? There were murders in it.
loopmurders
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e0c0b7a9-4ebd-4ab7-8a2e-299baf544c5b.gif
And it was specifically telling you to do the thing it didn’t want you to do,
specificallytelling
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d78a9de9-b7ba-4cc2-979f-26f7bf124af5.gif
until the very end, when it reversed.
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5a96268b-51fe-40e7-8a51-6b1afce60f16.gif
Why would they sell the zebra food in the gift shop, unless.
foodgiftgift-shopsellshopzebra
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daef548c-3bb9-4a29-936b-30a8b2a8dba3.gif
I mean, do the zebras shop in here? Are we the ones in the zoo?
onesshop
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ba093166-297a-4f7d-9822-e68a5a162c44.gif
Is that the twist? OK, we're, it's a human zoo. Got it.
humantwist