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Home » Rick and Morty » S05E06 — Rick & Morty's Thanksploitation Spectacular

Rick and Morty

Season 5, Episode 6 — Rick & Morty's Thanksploitation Spectacular

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Rick & Morty's Thanksploitation Spectacular

Air date: July 25, 2021

Director: Douglas Einar Olsen

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Rick is out to prank the President on Thanksgiving, but a confusion leads to a national crisis. Rick's made a real turkey out of this plan.

Source: TMDB

↓

Are we -- are we gonna put it back when we're done with it?

↓

Why? The only thing of value on it is the secret treasure map.

secret treasure value

↓

The rest is just instructions for running a country,

country instructions rest running

↓

and I'm pretty sure they're online.

online

↓

It just feels a little wrong --

feels

↓

Morty, are you gonna be a fucking America nerd

america fucking morty nerd

↓

or are you gonna be cool

cool

↓

and steal the Constitution with Grandpa?

constitution grandpa steal

↓

Here, hold this while I crack the hermetic seal.

crack seal

↓

W-Why not just use this again?

↓

[ Ding! ]

ding

↓

Morty! You just destroyed the map

destroyed morty

↓

and activated the giant assassin hidden in the Statue of Liberty!

activated giant hidden liberty statue

↓

I'm sorry -- w-wait, what?

↓

It was a Trojan horse, Morty. Never trust the French.

french horse morty trust

↓

Alright, fun's fun, but now the federal government's

alright federal fun governments

↓

gonna be pissed again. Way to go.

pissed

↓

And on America's birthday

americas birthday

↓

or whatever the fuck Thanksgiving is.

fuck thanksgiving

↓

In the past, I've inserted myself

past

↓

into the potential turkey pardonee population

population potential turkey

↓

by brainwashing the presidential turkey wrangler

brainwashing presidential turkey wrangler

↓

prior to the ceremony.

ceremony

↓

But this time, the turkey wrangler's been euthanized

turkey

↓

and the turkeys will be transported

turkeys

↓

by armored military vehicles.

military vehicles

↓

Vehicles manufactured by ghost corporations that I control.

control corporations ghost vehicles

↓

- Which we have audited. - Allowing me access to...

access allowing audited

↓

- Central computers... - To track the...

central computers track

↓

Real armored transports, which he can never...

real

↓

Totally track and sneak aboard.

aboard sneak track

↓

And even if he does, he'll be on a truck

truck

↓

full of turkeys and fully armed marines.

armed full fully turkeys

↓

Who won't recognize me because the human eye

human recognize

↓

is inherently face blind to turkeys.

blind face inherently turkeys

↓

President: Fortunately, those marines won't have human eyes.

eyes fortunately human president

↓

They'll have turkey eyes.

eyes turkey

↓

[ Cellphone vibrates ]

cellphone vibrates

↓

Coop, not on Thanksgiving.

coop thanksgiving

↓

It's what I trained for, Mary Lou.

mary trained

↓

It ain't our fight. Baby.

aint baby fight

↓

That little race car driver you got bakin' in your belly.

belly driver race

↓

What world you want him rearin' up in?

world

↓

that world needs a few good men.

needs world

↓

In a secret Pentagon lab.

secret

↓

Turning into turkeys.

turkeys turning

↓

You come back without feathers, Coop.

coop feathers

↓

God, I love this country.

country love

↓

Hoooo-ah!

↓

♪ I got a pregnant girl and a pickup truck ♪

girl pickup pregnant truck

↓

♪ I got one by choice and the other by luck ♪

choice luck

↓

♪ But now it's time to turn into a turkey ♪

turkey

↓

♪ I hope there can be peace one day ♪

hope peace

↓

General Green: These pills contain tracking chips

chips general green pills tracking

↓

that identify each of you as individuals.

identify individuals

↓

That will be important later.

↓

♪ Gobble, gobble ♪

gobble

↓

♪ Gobble, gobble ♪

gobble

↓

♪ When I turn into a turkey ♪

turkey

↓

Alright, boys, search every bird.

alright bird boys search

↓

If Sanchez is here, I wanna hear you gobblin'.

sanchez

↓

Let me look at you, scum.

scum

↓

Get outta here, you wobbleneck.

outta

↓

Sarge, this -- this ain't like the simulation, man.

aint simulation

↓

- I don't like it - Keep it together, Martinez.

martinez

↓

Eyes are on the ground, sir.

eyes ground

↓

No sign of Einstein. Stay frosty, gentlemen.

einstein gentlemen sign

↓

I want this pardoning pipeline airtight.

airtight pipeline

↓

Sir! We have hacked the garage door.

door garage hacked

↓

We are in. Eyes on the bogey.

eyes

↓

Or you've got eyes on a robot.

eyes robot

↓

All due respect, sir, I know flesh when I see it!

flesh respect

↓

Those flesh-covered [burps] robots should buy us some time.

burps covered flesh robots

↓

The pardonable turkeys should be on that truck.

truck turkeys

↓

Ship, go stealth.

ship stealth

↓

Rodriguez, Fincher. Get eyes on that.

eyes rodriguez

↓

Huh. Turkey Marines.

turkey

↓

The President came to play.

president

↓

Jam those two radios.

↓

Ship: Confirmed.

confirmed ship

↓

[ Radio static ] Ah! Geez!

geez radio static

↓

Fincher, Rodriguez, come in!

rodriguez

↓

Copy, copy, tango, all good.

copy tango

↓

Just a couple of branches on the roof.

branches couple roof

↓

Don't ever turn your radio off again.

radio

↓

- We will not surrender. - We will never surrender.

surrender

↓

- We will not surrender. - Oh, yeah?

surrender

↓

Bring in the David Blaine box.

blaine bring david

↓

Damn, is that a David Blaine box?

blaine david

↓

I told you we should have just gone to my parents' house.

gone house parents

↓

No, you didn't. Well, I didn't say it out loud,

loud

↓

but it should be well known by now

known

↓

that I'd always rather be there.

↓

- Oh, God, oh no! - Aw, geez, Rick!

geez rick

↓

Sir, we've got Rick and Morty inside the box!

morty rick

↓

Then that confirms it. Sir?

↓

No David Blaine box can hold Rick Sanchez.

blaine david rick sanchez

↓

Scan the turkey truck!

scan truck turkey

↓

Huh. That's weird.

weird

↓

ID chips for Fincher and Rodriguez are glitching.

chips rodriguez

↓

Sanchez...

sanchez

↓

I'll deal with this bastard myself.

bastard deal

↓

Sir, don't be a cowboy.

cowboy

↓

You can't get re-elected dead.

dead elected

↓

System is calibrated, sir.

system

↓

That pill contains a tracking chip that will identify --

chip identify pill tracking

↓

I know, it'll be important later!

itll

↓

Do it.

↓

[ Screams ]

screams

↓

Reporter: Moments from now,

moments reporter

↓

the President will be pardoning a turkey...

president turkey

↓

Home stretch, Morty.

home morty stretch

↓

Here comes dip shit right on schedule.

comes schedule

↓

Nothing can go wrong now.

↓

Morty: Jesus, is that -- Oh, shit.

jesus morty

↓

The President has the upper hand.

hand president upper upper-hand

↓

G-Grandpa fucked up. Sunglasses on.

fucked grandpa sunglasses

↓

Act like a turkey. What? Wha-- Are you scared?

scared turkey

↓

Act like a turkey!

turkey

↓

That's Rodriguez and Fincher, sir.

rodriguez

↓

It's Rick and Morty, you useless fucking stump humper!

fucking morty rick stump useless

↓

Sorry, don't tell 10% of your friends I called you that.

called friends

↓

Mr. President.

president

↓

Sanchez, admit it. You lose.

admit lose sanchez

↓

Say it and I'll let your loser ass go.

loser

↓

[ Exhales ]

exhales

↓

Did you just try to spit in my face with no saliva gland?

face saliva spit

↓

Just pardon me, dick. Why the hell would I?

dick pardon

↓

Oh, I dunno, 'cause if I move to Canada,

canada dunno

↓

they'll be the best country!

best country

↓

I'll peck your Goddamn eyes out!

eyes goddamn

↓

Ow! Hey!

↓

Shit! My plume!

↓

Hey, back off!

↓

Blueberries! We got blueberries down!

blueberries

↓

Hold your positions, it's a feeding frenzy!

feeding positions

↓

I-I can't see.

↓

I mean, I can see.

↓

270 degrees -- it's too many degrees!

degrees

↓

Sir, we are losing the mental game down here.

game losing mental

↓

General Green: Keep it together, soldier!

general green soldier

↓

POTUS is still in that pen --

↓

We just lost New York to France!

france lost york

↓

Pull out the President right now!

president pull

↓

Gobble Tango -- I want POTUS out of that pen!

gobble tango

↓

That is an order! Locate the president's chip!

chip locate order presidents

↓

Roger, roger.

roger

↓

There he is, I got him.

↓

Let's go, boys! Let's fly out the Eagle!

boys eagle

↓

Hey, that's not me!

↓

Package is secure. Pull us out.

package pull secure

↓

Computer: Reinjecting subject DNA.

computer subject

↓

[ All scream ]

scream

↓

Hoppin' Jehovah, you look like five pounds of shit

five jehovah pounds

↓

in a whore's lunchbox.

whores

↓

You alright, Mr. President?

alright president

↓

Yes. I am...

↓

the President.

president

↓

Clean his ass up and get him to the War Room.

clean room

↓

Hey! Gobble Squad!

gobble squad

↓

You got the wrong guy, you morons!

morons

↓

[ Gobbling ]

↓

Look at this dumb piece of shit. Gobbling away.

dumb piece

↓

Get back in there!

↓

Alright boys, you heard the VP. Pardon is tits up.

alright boys heard pardon tits

↓

Pack up and ship out!

pack ship

↓

As for you, Sanchez...

sanchez

↓

bon appétit.

↓

Where is this elevator going?

elevator

↓

Where all the unchosen turkeys go.

turkeys

↓

The feeding chamber.

chamber feeding

↓

[ Creature roars ]

creature roars

↓

What the fuck is that?

fuck

↓

Not what...who.

↓

The only thing to fear is... me!

fear

↓

How the fuck does the White House

fuck house white white-house

↓

have a cloned spider of FDR?

spider

↓

It's no clone, it's FDR.

clone

↓

He was a guinea pig for the polio vaccine.

guinea polio vaccine

↓

We asked ourselves "What walks the most?"

asked walks

↓

"We?" You're taking credit for this?

credit

↓

The office comes with baggage, Morty.

baggage comes morty office

↓

Rick, I'm afraid to die!

afraid rick

↓

You won't have to be for long, Morty!

morty

↓

We're due to return to human form any second!

form human return second

↓

Then what?

↓

Then we just have to not get eaten by the spider!

eaten spider

↓

Oh, so in other words, be afraid to die?

afraid words

↓

Morty, if winning an argument is that important to you,

argument morty winning

↓

you were never alive!

alive

↓

Time for a New Deal... Murder!

deal murder

↓

President: I'm sick of hearing how iconic you were!

hearing iconic president sick

↓

Try having an historical administration after Facebook

administration facebook having historical

↓

goes online, you old-timey bitch!

bitch online timey

↓

Morty, tear open that panel!

morty open panel tear

↓

How's this for a fireside chat?

chat

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

Woof. You just killed FDR.

killed woof

↓

He was a monster, though.

monster

↓

Don't mythologize him. He was a politician.

↓

Speaking of, you kind of saved our bacon there,

bacon saved speaking

↓

so I'll make you a deal.

deal

↓

You pardon us and I'll make you human.

human pardon

↓

Wrong turkey.

turkey

↓

Man, the face blindness is real.

face real

↓

I'd like these... men...

↓

turned back into humans, please.

humans turned

↓

Uh, yes, of course, Mr. President.

course president

↓

But I thought we already rehumanized

↓

all the turkified marines.

↓

I'd like these men turned back into humans.

humans turned

↓

I am the President.

president

↓

Yes, sir. Uh, sure thing.

↓

Increase their strength by 1,000%.

increase strength

↓

But... that wouldn't be human.

human

↓

Turkeys have always been more than human.

human turkeys

↓

Okay, uh, so right there, now I'm starting to --

starting

↓

I am selling New York to France.

france selling york

↓

And giving all of the money to Congress.

congress giving money

↓

[ Cheering ]

cheering

↓

Now that's how you do it!

↓

He became President today.

became president today

↓

[ Gasping, murmuring ]

gasping murmuring

↓

That's right, murmur!

↓

And when you're done, get me some pants.

pants

↓

If you're the President, who the hell have we been

president

↓

governing the country with for the last three hours?

country hours three three-hours

↓

An impostor, you good for nothing idiot!

idiot

↓

You humanized the wrong turkey!

turkey

↓

It's possible.

possible

↓

We shouldn't leave anything to chance.

chance

↓

Wouldn't want Congress working with the wrong president.

congress president working

↓

A very good point, Mr. President.

point president

↓

Do we believe this fine feathered,

believe

↓

collaborative gentleman to be our commander-in-chief?

chief commander gentleman

↓

Or are we gonna let "Mr. Cash Bar at the Christmas Party"

cash christmas christmas-party party

↓

stay in office?

office

↓

All in favor of Turkey President?

favor president turkey

↓

You can't be serious.

serious

↓

You think he cares about America?

america cares

↓

Is that why this is happening to you?

↓

Because you cared about America?

america cared

↓

Guards, these men are...

guards

↓

oh, what is the word?

word

↓

Uh, terrorists.

terrorists

↓

Okay, screw this. Go, Go, Sanchez laser fists.

fists laser sanchez screw

↓

Oh, shit, I was a turkey for a while, wasn't I?

turkey

↓

Okay, guy's pretty strong.

strong

↓

Mary Todd Lincoln!

lincoln mary todd

↓

Who's dead weight now, bitch?

bitch dead weight

↓

You should regain feeling in your ass in a minute. Sorry my turrets blew up your motorcycle.

blew feeling minute motorcycle regain

↓

Just give me some goddamn clothes.

clothes goddamn

↓

Must suck to have your only safe haven be my house.

house must safe suck

↓

Y-you want your regular outfit

outfit regular

↓

or should we dress you like a terrorist?

dress terrorist

↓

I don't need to be here, and I'm still the President.

president

↓

Oh, glad to hear it. That means you can give me that pardon.

glad pardon

↓

Or -- Or I could put you out with the trash.

trash

↓

What is your problem?! Why do you hate this country?

country hate problem

↓

I hate every country in the universe, brother!

brother country hate universe

↓

They're job placement programs

placement programs

↓

for the politicians that invent them --

invent politicians

↓

Okay, Fight Club.

club fight fight-club

↓

I get paid to protect the sidelines you sit on!

paid protect sidelines

↓

You get paid to make sports metaphors!

metaphors paid sports

↓

I clean your litterbox!

clean

↓

So your little nerd paws don't have to touch

nerd paws touch

↓

another nerd's nerdy poopies while you're flexing

another nerds nerdy

↓

your grody little edge lord anus all over it!

anus edge lord

↓

Guys, maybe you're both right and both wrong.

↓

Both: Shut up, Morty!

morty

↓

You little bitch, you destroyed the Constitution.

bitch constitution destroyed

↓

You're the biggest booger eater here!

biggest booger eater

↓

Do not talk to my son that way.

↓

Sorry, Mrs. Smith.

smith

↓

The two of you are ruining Thanksgiving.

ruining thanksgiving

↓

Together.

↓

And you can both either come to the table

table

↓

and eat food with my family

family food

↓

or you can keep doing what you're doing at the corner bar.

corner

↓

Bars actually suck at Thanksgiving.

bars suck thanksgiving

↓

Dorothy: I'm still trying to sort through this.

dorothy

↓

One of you wishes you had the personal quality

personal quality wishes

↓

known as courage

courage known

↓

but the other two of you want actual vital organs?

actual organs vital

↓

This Charlie Kaufman reboot of "Wizard of Oz"

charlie reboot wizard

↓

is destroying itself.

destroying

↓

That's why I need a brain!

brain

↓

I'm doing a terrible job writing this!

writing

↓

Pass the potatoes.

pass potatoes

↓

Thank you. Mm-hmm.

↓

Good green beans, Mom.

beans green

↓

The turkey's raw, Dad. Shit's potato bunz.

potato shits turkeys

↓

Sorry, Summer, the United States enclosed us

states summer united united-states

↓

in a shimmer bubble that scrambled my oven timer.

bubble oven scrambled timer

↓

So I guess elections do have consequences.

consequences

↓

Eat my ass, Jerry. I've seen your IRS records.

jerry records seen

↓

You can blame me once you have taxable income.

blame income

↓

[ Laughs ] Yes, Jerry is a piece of shit.

jerry laughs piece

↓

I agree. [ News fanfare plays ]

agree fanfare news plays

↓

There won't be a single bird left in DC!

bird left single

↓

Oh, wow, wiping out a native population on Thanksgiving?

native population thanksgiving wiping

↓

That's never happened before. What did you just say?

happened

↓

Well, I-I associated Thanksgiving with genocide.

associated genocide thanksgiving

↓

It's what young people do. I wasn't trying to --

young

↓

The Crypt of the New World.

world

↓

That could be our one chance to turn this thing around.

chance

↓

You know about the Crypt?

↓

Ugh, so the treasure's already gone.

gone

↓

Wait, is that why you were stealing the Constitution?

constitution stealing

↓

You old fart dick.

dick fart

↓

The Crypt of the New World isn't a treasure.

treasure world

↓

But it might be our only hope. Come on.

hope might

↓

But isn't the crypt underneath DC?

underneath

↓

The Turkey President's got an army.

army presidents turkey

↓

An actual Army. And an Air Force.

actual army force

↓

And Marines -- Slow down, Morty.

morty slow

↓

Walk us through every military service.

military service walk

↓

Does somebody have a pen?

somebody

↓

We've got something more powerful

powerful

↓

than every army in the world.

army world

↓

Well, no, we don't, but with the right speech,

speech

↓

we could get a handful of well-trained hillbillies.

handful trained

↓

Eh, it worked against the British. I'm in.

british worked

↓

Birds replacin' people.

birds

↓

What would Johnny Cash or Dale Earnhardt say?

cash dale johnny

↓

He'd say "It's time to walk the line"

line walk

↓

or "Drive very fast between two of them."

drive fast

↓

We don't serve your kind here.

serve

↓

Oh, my God, are you serious?

serious

↓

Read the sign.

read sign

↓

He's my boss, Marvin.

boss marvin

↓

It's okay.

↓

Mistrusting Presidents is a patriotic duty.

duty patriotic presidents

↓

And that guy on TV isn't me.

↓

He's a turkey infused with my DNA.

turkey

↓

I'll be damned.

damned

↓

Well, I'm racist.

racist

↓

You better not be here to take my man again.

↓

- Mary Lou. - I'm poor!

mary poor

↓

And pregnant!

pregnant

↓

With a poor person!

person poor

↓

And I need you.

↓

And 10% of your baby.

baby

↓

Now, look, I know it's gonna take more than some speech.

speech

↓

But what is a speech?

speech

↓

Isn't it just a question?

question

↓

And isn't that a question too?

question

↓

Speeches are words.

speeches words

↓

Repeated words.

words

↓

Listed words.

listed words

↓

Repeated lists of repeated words.

lists words

↓

None of that matters.

matters

↓

You know what does matter?

matter

↓

Me. Asking you.

asking

↓

"Will you do what I say?"

↓

Just two questions, Chief.

chief questions

↓

Lock? And load?

load lock

↓

They're rhetorical, sir!

rhetorical

↓

Lock and load!

load lock

↓

[ Cheering ]

cheering

↓

Sir, we've got Rick and Morty coming in what appears to be

appears coming morty rick

↓

an unlicensed "Star Wars" AT-AT.

star star-wars wars

↓

Or as the millennials say, A-T, A-T.

↓

So it begins.

begins

↓

Gobblers!

↓

Tonight, we rise!

rise tonight

↓

[ Gobbles ]

↓

Aww, geez, geez, geez.

geez

↓

Nice driving, Sanchez.

driving sanchez

↓

Wire's down, pen is clear.

clear wires

↓

You know the Goddamn rules!

goddamn rules

↓

If you see something clucking or pecking,

clucking

↓

put a buckshot in its panties.

panties

↓

[ Roars ]

roars

↓

Jesus Christ! T-they got Johnson!

christ jesus jesus-christ johnson

↓

He got off easy.

easy

↓

Cooper: Hold off the bastards!

bastards cooper

↓

What now, Rick?

rick

↓

Time to turn up the broiler.

↓

[ Roars ]

roars

↓

Whoa, i-is that --

whoa

↓

The Crypt of the New World.

world

↓

The treasure you were after is this country's oldest secret.

countrys oldest secret treasure

↓

One disguised by centuries of Thanksgiving folklore.

centuries thanksgiving

↓

Is that... a turkey dinosaur?

dinosaur turkey

↓

America's original rulers.

americas original

↓

Merciless beasts, grazing on the flesh of cowering humans.

beasts flesh humans merciless

↓

Then, in the 15th century, a vessel crashed.

century crashed vessel

↓

Two vessels, really.

↓

On board -- our saviors.

board saviors

↓

Sanchez, pull that lever at the same time I do.

lever pull sanchez

↓

[ All growl ]

growl

↓

Oh, shit, they're gonna fight!

fight

↓

Morty: No, wait, they love each other!

love morty

↓

They were at war when they arrived,

arrived

↓

but they united over their hatred of turkeys.

hatred turkeys united

↓

And what they love even more than each other

love

↓

is kicking turkey butt.

butt kicking turkey

↓

Gentlemen!

gentlemen

↓

Coooooooooorn!

↓

It's working!

working

↓

Come on, Sanchez, let's power down the humanizer ray.

power sanchez

↓

Whose side are we on?

side

↓

I don't know, but we've done enough to pay for college.

college

↓

Look, we're almost there.

↓

Sorry, my turn for a surprise.

surprise

↓

Damn, this guy loves arriving from the shadows.

arriving loves shadows

↓

Look around. You can't beat our ancient warriors.

ancient beat warriors

↓

Can't I? My kind has always dealt with predators.

dealt predators

↓

That's why we sleep in trees.

sleep trees

↓

And that's why, in the wild, we fly.

wild

↓

Now you must choose ---

choose must

↓

Fight me, or stop that weapon from turning

fight turning weapon

↓

all of America's turkeys into a new master race.

americas master race turkeys

↓

You dumb dip shit, there's three of us,

dumb three

↓

and two of us are spacemen.

↓

Obviously they're gonna save America

america obviously save

↓

and bring that monument home,

bring home monument

↓

and I'm gonna kick your ass.

kick

↓

Oh, and, Sanchez?

sanchez

↓

You got your pardon. Aw.

pardon

↓

Shut up, Morty. Come on.

morty

↓

Let's go, bitch.

bitch

↓

So be it.

↓

Is it true what Turkey Man said?

turkey

↓

That turkeys sleep in trees?

sleep trees turkeys

↓

Who the hell cares, Morty?

cares morty

↓

Let's just [burps] deactivate this shit.

burps

↓

Calibrating. [ Gobbles ]

↓

Targeting all American turkeys.

american targeting turkeys

↓

Oh, my God, they gave it a voice?

voice

↓

Who is this for? We're in space.

space

↓

Geez, Rick, I-I-I guess them?

geez rick

↓

Morty, use this carefully.

carefully morty

↓

Crack the humanizer core and cut the blue wire.

blue core crack wire

↓

You hear me? Blue wire.

blue wire

↓

Wha-- Why don't we just blow it up?

blow

↓

It's a national monument, fuck nut!

fuck monument national

↓

We just got pardoned.

↓

You really wanna do this again next year?

↓

[ Both grunting ]

grunting

↓

You forgot something, Turkey Man.

forgot turkey

↓

No matter what you got people to believe,

believe matter

↓

I'm still the Goddamn President.

goddamn president

↓

And you forget, in the one day I've had your job,

forget

↓

I've learned 10 times as much.

learned times

↓

I've underestimated you.

underestimated

↓

For the last time.

↓

Rick, they're not exactly primary colors!

colors primary rick

↓

A-Are -- Are we cool with, like, t-turquoise?

cool

↓

Are you kidding me, Morty? Just cut the damn thing!

kidding morty

↓

[ Gobbles ]

↓

Oh, shit, oh, fuck --

fuck

↓

Targets acquired. Activating weapon.

acquired targets weapon

↓

Oh, shit! Oooooooh!

↓

Heritage destroyed.

destroyed heritage

↓

Morty!

morty

↓

God damn it, you had one job!

↓

[ Groans ]

groans

↓

I beat you.

beat

↓

Look at me, you turkey ass bitch.

bitch turkey

↓

[ Laughs ]

laughs

↓

Wait, why are you --

↓

Is that a wishbone?

↓

I wish to explode.

explode wish

↓

[ Laughs ]

laughs

↓

Man: The Berlin Wall has come down.

berlin wall

↓

Man #2: It's called the Playstation.

called

↓

The winner is... "Shakespeare in Love."

love shakespeare winner

↓

- Playstation 2. - Hurricane Katrina

hurricane

↓

- slams Louisiana... - Playstation 3.

slams

↓

- This is Maroon Five... - Playstation 4.

five

↓

- The Cubbies win! - I want a Playstation 5.

↓

[ Gasping ]

gasping

↓

I wasn't sure when to pull you out.

pull

↓

I-I assumed you were running through your whole life.

assumed life running whole whole-life

↓

Yes.

↓

And what a life it was.

life

↓

Gentlemen, thank you once again for saving this nation.

gentlemen nation saving

↓

I don't speak googa.

speak

↓

The CIA only taught me your activation phrase.

phrase taught

↓

But if I could say anything...

↓

I'd say give America one more chance.

america chance

↓

Oh, my God, they're gonna fight. Th-They're really gonna fight.

fight

↓

- Aw, they love each other! - Never gets old.

love

↓

I'll never get tired of that.

tired

↓

So...after those aliens discovered America...

aliens america discovered

↓

They went into hibernation,

↓

leaving us the technology we used to lead the free world.

free lead leaving technology used world

↓

That and also to do stuff like slavery.

slavery stuff

↓

I always thought we were... more special than that.

special

↓

Like we invented everything and did everything

invented

↓

and that's why we own everything.

↓

Now I-I-I-I don't know what to feel.

↓

Feel thankful, Morty.

morty thankful

↓

Feel thankful.

thankful

↓

I know, baby.

baby

↓

Coop, honey, should we get Lucky Charms or Kibble Bibbitz?

charms coop honey lucky

↓

You know we can't afford either.

afford

↓

Baby, the President owes you. You saved him.

baby owes president saved

↓

Ain't his fault our insurance got cut.

aint fault insurance

↓

They gotta build missiles.

build

↓

Ugh, fine, just -- Can y'all hold Jakey for a second?

second yall

↓

[ High-pitched ringing ]

pitched pitched-ringing ringing

↓

[ Jakey crying ]

crying

↓

Bag Boy: What the hell's he doin?

doin hells

↓

Deli Guy: I think he's foraging.

deli

↓

Crazy bastard thinks he's a turkey.

bastard crazy thinks turkey

↓

Well, I refuse to pay for this man's health care.

care health mans refuse