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» S01E07 — My Super Ego
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Season 1, Episode 7 — My Super Ego
Let's start off with a toughie. Who can tell me...?
#1
⇓
I've been nailing rounds.
#3
⇓
Sir, the answer is Beck's triad.
#5
⇓
[pistol shot]
#6
⇓
It keeps me on top of my game.
#7
⇓
Looks like a break in the ulna, right there.
#8
⇓
It's good to be the king.
#9
⇓
You know, it's okay to be impressed by me.
#10
⇓
Most girls are.
#11
⇓
[♪ choir sings]
#15
⇓
Wow!
#16
⇓
Well, the gurney adds drama.
#17
⇓
♪ I'm no Superman ♪
#20
⇓
Of course, you're gonna have a scar, Peter.
#22
⇓
I mean, you're not getting any surgery
#23
⇓
but chicks dig scars so I'm gonna give you one anyway.
#24
⇓
Doctor,
#25
⇓
Peter's drug rash is getting a lot worse.
#26
⇓
No problem, give him Prednisone and...
#27
⇓
sees me staring at him...
#29
⇓
Act busy.
#30
⇓
That's the stud right there. That's where you'd...
#31
⇓
...hang a painting.
#32
⇓
He was born John Dorian but he was simply known as J.D.:
#33
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doctor, friend, lover.
#34
⇓
- Hey, man, how are ya? - Hey, how are you?
#35
⇓
Oh, okay... There that is.
#36
⇓
Gosh, can you believe we're doctors?
#37
⇓
The other night at a restaurant this guy starts choking.
#38
⇓
They asked if anyone was a doctor.
#39
⇓
I didn't even move.
#40
⇓
I still feel like I'm seven years old
#41
⇓
playing M.A.S.H. with my older brother.
#42
⇓
I don't want to be Hot Lips again.
#43
⇓
[older boy] Shut up and kiss Frank.
#44
⇓
I don't talk to my brother much.
#45
⇓
- Well, I'll see you. - Okay.
#47
⇓
What happened to the guy in the restaurant?
#48
⇓
Oh, eventually I remembered I was a doctor.
#49
⇓
'Course he'd been dead for 20 minutes. Very embarrassing.
#50
⇓
Food was good, though.
#51
⇓
Don't laugh. Don't laugh!
#52
⇓
Damn!
#53
⇓
Hi.
#54
⇓
Any time you wanna get more gauze,
#55
⇓
it'd be a real treat for all of us.
#56
⇓
- It's hard being you, isn't it? - It is.
#57
⇓
- What's with the smile? - The whole big bad wolf thing,
#58
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it's such an act.
#59
⇓
Neato!
#60
⇓
Now whaddya want? A tip?
#61
⇓
Get out. [whistles] Go, go, go!
#62
⇓
I'm not sure I agree.
#63
⇓
- You good T-dog? - Come on, man.
#64
⇓
I could do this with my eyes closed.
#65
⇓
- I won't, though. - Open the peritoneum.
#66
⇓
Nice, clean cut. Good.
#67
⇓
Good. Whoa, whoa, what's that smell?
#68
⇓
I don't know.
#69
⇓
- Did you nick the colon? - No.
#70
⇓
I mean, I don't know. I... I don't think so. Did I?
#71
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Cut the music.
#72
⇓
You know, I kinda had a date last night.
#73
⇓
- Really? - Yeah.
#74
⇓
A guy on the bus fell asleep on me and drooled on my shoulder.
#75
⇓
- You slut. - Yeah.
#76
⇓
- How about Nick? - I'd let him drool on me.
#77
⇓
That's gross. Why did I say that? I shouldn't talk to people.
#78
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Besides, I wouldn't know what to do even if I was interested.
#79
⇓
Well, you could start by looking at him.
#80
⇓
Did he look back? Why doesn't he like me?
#81
⇓
I can't believe I already blew it.
#82
⇓
Come on, J.D., you're not closing the windpipe.
#86
⇓
You gotta put more pressure down here.
#87
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Come on! I know you can do it!
#88
⇓
Come on! Come on!
#89
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Ah! If it isn't the brain trust.
#90
⇓
Someone tell me what this patient's rash is.
#91
⇓
You have until I finish my squeezy juice.
#92
⇓
Oh, my God, I'm drawing a...
#93
⇓
...something.
#95
⇓
It's Erythema Migrans.
#96
⇓
Why don't you just answer it?
#97
⇓
Everyone looks up to you. It's important you don't get stumped.
#98
⇓
Besides, come on, it's important to you, too.
#99
⇓
Please, like he knows me.
#100
⇓
It's Erythema Migrans, sir.
#101
⇓
[pistol shot]
#102
⇓
Right you are, Dr. Dorian.
#103
⇓
Nice.
#104
⇓
Okay, there you go.
#105
⇓
Now you've got it. Oh, good.
#106
⇓
[Dr. Wen] I don't know where that smell came from.
#107
⇓
- Uh, sir? - What? Do you see something?
#108
⇓
Sir, I farted.
#109
⇓
That smell is from the fart that I made.
#110
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- Dude... - Get the hell out of my O.R..
#111
⇓
Yes, sir. Good.
#112
⇓
That came out wrong.
#114
⇓
Excuse me, Dr. Cox?
#115
⇓
I know that you need to pick an intern
#116
⇓
to co-write that case report on post-partum...
#117
⇓
Yeah, sure. Congratulations. Now, go.
#118
⇓
Mission accomplished.
#119
⇓
Hey, buddy. How are ya?
#120
⇓
Uh, Dr. Cox, I was wondering if I could co-write that case report with you.
#121
⇓
Wow, this is good. Newbie à newbie.
#122
⇓
Too bad it can't be a fight to the death.
#123
⇓
Oh, I didn't know you wanted to do it. You do it.
#124
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- You'll be great. - Right,... okay.
#125
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Cut it out. Nice guys aren't even that nice.
#126
⇓
Now let me see, just exactly who to choose? Who to choose?
#127
⇓
Okay.
#128
⇓
[creaking, squeaking]
#129
⇓
[thudding]
#130
⇓
[rusty squeak]
#131
⇓
Mm-hmm.
#132
⇓
Nice. Very nice, indeed.
#133
⇓
Okay, over.
#134
⇓
[bells ring]
#135
⇓
Oh!
#136
⇓
Interesting. Uh-huh.
#137
⇓
Attaboy.
#138
⇓
I'm gonna go with...
#139
⇓
...Guy Smiley, here.
#140
⇓
- Wow. - Yeah, wow.
#141
⇓
- Huge moment for me. - I know.
#142
⇓
I wish my dad was alive.
#143
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It doesn't mean anything.
#144
⇓
So what, you flipped a coin in your head or...?
#145
⇓
No. It's just that, right now, he's better at internal medicine than you are.
#146
⇓
Okay, insult me, like you always do.
#147
⇓
Too easy.
#148
⇓
When you least expect it.
#149
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Dr. Wen threatened to sew my butt cheeks together.
#150
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And yet you continue to eat chili.
#151
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Dude, I'm taking the cheese off.
#152
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You know, even though nothing happened today,
#153
⇓
it still kinda freaked me out.
#154
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One flinch, one hiccup, and that's the difference between life and death?
#155
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It's a lot to have on your shoulders, you know?
#156
⇓
Hey.
#157
⇓
What are you guys talking about?
#158
⇓
Cheese.
#159
⇓
Turk is so lucky I met him first.
#160
⇓
How's my man doing?
#161
⇓
Baby, most guys are here.
#162
⇓
But me, I'm, like, all up in here.
#163
⇓
Dr. Turk, you can make the incision now.
#164
⇓
Sir, um... My hand's tightening up.
#165
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- I must be low on potassium. - All right, I'll take over.
#166
⇓
Dr. Murdoch, Peter's rash has gone
#167
⇓
but he's vomited six times in the last hour.
#168
⇓
No problem, give him Zofran and a 20cc per kilo bolus of normal saline.
#169
⇓
You're right, he definitely has a cute little butt.
#171
⇓
It's almost like it's been sculpted.
#172
⇓
Who cares? Everybody's got a cute butt. I have a cute butt.
#173
⇓
You should bring it in some day.
#174
⇓
[laughter]
#175
⇓
- Hey, how's Turk doing? - He's fine, why?
#176
⇓
Because he totally froze during surgery yesterday.
#177
⇓
Didn't he tell you?
#178
⇓
- Hey, you! - Hey, hey...
#179
⇓
I feel like we haven't talked in ages. How are you?
#180
⇓
- Fine. - Yeah?
#181
⇓
Don't I look okay?
#182
⇓
You know?
#183
⇓
[mimics Michael Jackson]
#184
⇓
You know? I'm fine. As a matter of fact...
#185
⇓
Good afternoon, doctors.
#187
⇓
I've gathered you all here because, well...
#188
⇓
Attendance at my noon conferences
#189
⇓
has been very disappointing.
#190
⇓
In fact, I've begun to wonder if maybe you have something more important to do.
#191
⇓
Maybe you feel the need to sneak off and have a little nappy-nap?
#192
⇓
I love nappy-naps.
#193
⇓
Or maybe you've forgotten that my conferences are mandatory.
#194
⇓
My hospital, my rules!
#195
⇓
Actually, sir, I've never missed one. Batting 1,000 over here.
#196
⇓
[pistol shot]
#197
⇓
Son, I'm more proud of you than I've ever been of an intern.
#198
⇓
So you see, sir, the poor attendance is my fault.
#200
⇓
And my fault only.
#201
⇓
Well, then, you have just won the privilege
#202
⇓
of writing my next ten lectures by this afternoon.
#203
⇓
Paging Dr. Martyr...
#204
⇓
- What the hell was that guy... - [man] Way to go, man.
#205
⇓
Nick, that was amazing.
#206
⇓
...thinking?
#207
⇓
It's good to be the king.
#208
⇓
[pistol shot]
#210
⇓
[Kelso] What can I say?
#211
⇓
The lectures this kid wrote were fantastic.
#212
⇓
[wind whistles]
#214
⇓
Hey, man. Want some company?
#215
⇓
No, I just wanna be alone.
#216
⇓
- Well? - Not yet.
#217
⇓
But soon.
#218
⇓
[bones crack]
#219
⇓
Very soon.
#220
⇓
And why would Turk talk to Elliot about this and not me?
#221
⇓
They're not even friends, know what I mean?
#222
⇓
After 20 minutes, the only way I could know what you mean more
#223
⇓
is if you wrote "My boyfriend doesn't open up to me" on a big mallet
#224
⇓
and repeatedly smashed me over the head with it.
#225
⇓
Why can't you just for once dig deep down in your heart,
#226
⇓
access some emotions and empathize with me?
#227
⇓
I'm sorry, what were we doing?
#228
⇓
See? That's why no one likes you.
#229
⇓
Hey, you like me a little bit.
#230
⇓
And so do you, sweet cakes.
#231
⇓
Huh? Want a little sugar from Daddy?
#232
⇓
Well, looky here.
#233
⇓
I thought this was my special place.
#234
⇓
I'd ask you not to tell any of the others about this spot,
#235
⇓
but none of them seem to be talking to you.
#236
⇓
Oh, it's been a rough day, sir.
#237
⇓
You see, Dr. Dorian, your problem is,
#238
⇓
you're a pansy.
#239
⇓
If you were in my way, I'd throw you off this ledge right now.
#240
⇓
We're out here alone.
#241
⇓
No one would ever know.
#242
⇓
I'm gonna...
#243
⇓
I'm gonna... I have to...
#244
⇓
...things.
#245
⇓
Interns are fun.
#246
⇓
[PA] Dr. Dooley, 3153...
#247
⇓
I'm single.
#248
⇓
That was more subtle in my head.
#249
⇓
Relax, I already left a message on your machine asking you out.
#250
⇓
- Really? - No.
#251
⇓
But I promise I will before you go home.
#252
⇓
Works for me.
#253
⇓
Dr. Murdoch, Peter's developed a high-grade fever and a cough.
#254
⇓
No problem, just give him Seftazedime one gram IV.
#255
⇓
How do you stay so positive?
#256
⇓
I guess I don't let the bad stuff in, you know?
#257
⇓
Try not to get too overwhelmed.
#258
⇓
Call me tonight when you get my message.
#259
⇓
Okay.
#260
⇓
Mm-hmm!
#261
⇓
- His butt? - Mm-hmm.
#262
⇓
So listen, I've scheduled an appendectomy for you later.
#263
⇓
Just make sure you're good on potassium.
#264
⇓
Sir, I got so much potassium, it's coming out of my assium,
#265
⇓
you know what I mean?
#266
⇓
What I did was I took the word potassium and...
#267
⇓
I dropped the first three letters,
#268
⇓
made a doody joke.
#269
⇓
Funny stuff.
#270
⇓
- Looks like you bought it. - Excuse me?
#271
⇓
So you had stage fright, it's no big deal.
#272
⇓
- Happened to me once. - Really?
#273
⇓
I'd be more than glad to tell you what a lot of doctors do to relieve the stress.
#274
⇓
Take a little trip to Palm-dale.
#275
⇓
- What? - Okay.
#276
⇓
Give yourself the old low five.
#277
⇓
- I'm not getting it. - Physician...
#278
⇓
...love thyself.
#279
⇓
Are you talking about Downtown Lester Brown?
#280
⇓
Lowers the heart rate, releases endorphins. Basic physiology.
#281
⇓
Okay, you almost had me.
#282
⇓
- You're not serious? - Yes, I am.
#283
⇓
- No, you're not. - Yes.
#284
⇓
No.
#285
⇓
Nobody hurts Carla and gets away with it.
#286
⇓
Who's Carla?
#287
⇓
I was talking to myself. Don't eavesdrop.
#288
⇓
If this kid doesn't leave I'm gonna kill him.
#289
⇓
[whistles]
#290
⇓
Now, if you leave, I'll know you were eavesdropping
#291
⇓
and I'll just go and kill you anyway.
#292
⇓
Stay. Good girl.
#293
⇓
Tick, tock, Clarice.
#294
⇓
- Hey... - Good timing.
#296
⇓
Give me a hand with this Foley cath, will you?
#297
⇓
and apologize like a man.
#300
⇓
Are we cool?
#301
⇓
Yeah.
#302
⇓
he's the man now.
#304
⇓
- This belongs to you. - Thanks a lot, man.
#305
⇓
Can you grab me some more tape?
#306
⇓
everyone picks up their game.
#308
⇓
We need the results of this urine sample.
#309
⇓
Nick, I got the results back from the, uh...
#311
⇓
Nick?
#312
⇓
His blood cultures don't look good at all.
#313
⇓
No problem.
#314
⇓
Listen, I was thinking about what happened earlier and...
#315
⇓
Anyway... Here.
#316
⇓
Wow.
#317
⇓
You dug deep down in your heart and came up with a muffin.
#318
⇓
That's store-bought. Blueberries in there the size of your fist.
#319
⇓
I shouldn't have dragged you into it. You don't know Turk.
#320
⇓
Actually, I met him today. We had a terrific chat.
#321
⇓
Oh, give the man a hand, that's just terrific work.
#322
⇓
You know darn well that felt good and you're feeling better about yourself now, aren't you?
#323
⇓
Real nice guy.
#324
⇓
It's hard letting yourself be vulnerable with someone,
#325
⇓
you know?
#326
⇓
Just eat the damn muffin.
#327
⇓
Even though I'm on call tonight,
#328
⇓
I'm not gonna let the bad stuff in.
#329
⇓
Not gonna let myself get overwhelmed.
#330
⇓
What?
#331
⇓
Friday, you had people over and locked yourself in your room
#332
⇓
because we brought the wrong chips.
#333
⇓
[Elliot] Look at me.
#334
⇓
That was the old Elliot.
#335
⇓
Can you help me find Dr. Murdoch?
#336
⇓
Peter's parents are here, he's not answering his page.
#337
⇓
Sure. You know, Elliot's not gonna let herself be overwhelmed any more.
#338
⇓
[nurse laughs loudly]
#339
⇓
[whispers] She's been drinking.
#340
⇓
Carla... Wow!
#341
⇓
You look great!
#342
⇓
You're not messing with me, right?
#343
⇓
No, but I'd like to.
#344
⇓
Turk bought me this dress out of the blue. I guess he knew I'd love it.
#345
⇓
Oh... Look, Carla.
#346
⇓
Back when I was an intern,
#347
⇓
I remember the pressure being so insane,
#348
⇓
that the only way I could get by was to race home
#349
⇓
and even though my wife was already asleep,
#350
⇓
I'd gently wake her, look her in the eyes,
#351
⇓
and then passive-aggressively torture her
#352
⇓
until she packed a bag and went to her mom's for the week.
#353
⇓
- Ah. - Does that...help?
#354
⇓
Like a big hug with words.
#355
⇓
The point is, just 'cause a guy has problems expressing himself,
#356
⇓
that doesn't mean he doesn't need...
#357
⇓
...you.
#358
⇓
Oh, boy.
#359
⇓
Women so don't get me.
#360
⇓
It's not even funny. It's mind-boggling, quite frankly.
#361
⇓
The whole thing is stunning.
#362
⇓
The point is that it's the scrubs, right.
#363
⇓
Because in jeans, my butt is a force to be reckoned with.
#364
⇓
Hey, we were looking for you.
#365
⇓
Nick, touch my butt, please.
#366
⇓
Hey, are you all right?
#367
⇓
That kid is eventually gonna die.
#368
⇓
Whether it's today or tomorrow.
#369
⇓
Or a month from now.
#370
⇓
There's nothing I can do. Nothing works.
#371
⇓
His parents want to talk to me. What am I supposed to say?
#372
⇓
Peter lived a good long seven years?
#373
⇓
Seven years, man.
#374
⇓
It's not fair.
#375
⇓
I hate this place, I hate this job.
#376
⇓
- Nick, it's not your fault. - I can't do it anymore.
#377
⇓
I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.
#378
⇓
The scariest thing was
#379
⇓
if only for a moment.
#385
⇓
I don't know.
#387
⇓
any way you can.
#389
⇓
[clicks tongue] See you tomorrow.
#390
⇓
Oh!
#391
⇓
[whimpers]
#392
⇓
You're stupid.
#393
⇓
- That's it? - Give it time.
#394
⇓
It'll eat at you.
#395
⇓
- Am I stupid? - Yeah, a little bit.
#396
⇓
[J.D.] Damn him!
#397
⇓
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