♥ Saved GIFs

Loading…

View all favorites →

Home » Rick and Morty » S04E06 — Never Ricking Morty

Rick and Morty

Season 4, Episode 6 — Never Ricking Morty

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Never Ricking Morty

Air date: May 03, 2020

Director: Erica Hayes

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Choo choo, broh. Catch this train, broh.

Source: TMDB

↓

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --

corrected synced

↓

Tickets, please.

tickets

↓

Barkeep. A drink for my colleague.

colleague drink

↓

Do I know you?

↓

I know the only reason to travel by train

reason train travel

↓

is to travel with weapons.

travel weapons

↓

And we all know that at the end of this line,

line

↓

there's only one creature worth killing.

creature killing worth

↓

The man in the white coat.

coat white white-coat

↓

May as well take turns exchanging stories.

stories turns

↓

Mine begins on planet Ramamama.

begins planet

↓

Lower him into acid.

acid lower

↓

Once he's dissolved, lower someone else into acid.

acid dissolved lower

↓

Is he dissolved?

dissolved

↓

At least use the downtime to reset the acid lowerer.

acid least reset

↓

I really don't like the attitude around here.

attitude

↓

It's a very "lower me into acid" attitude.

acid attitude lower

↓

Who are you?

↓

How did you reach my sanctum?

reach

↓

All right, this is going in circles.

circles

↓

Seize him!

seize

↓

- Aah! - Aah!

↓

- Aah! - Aah!

↓

Very well.

↓

Now I will fight you.

fight

↓

Anyway, he tells a different version of the story

story tells version

↓

where I start crying or something.

crying start

↓

That's why he has to die.

↓

'Cause he's a liar.

liar

↓

So...

↓

why are you going to kill Rick Sanchez?

kill rick sanchez

↓

Okay, I don't know who that is.

↓

I don't accept your weird leap in logic

accept leap logic weird

↓

that has everyone on a train going to kill one guy.

kill train

↓

And even if I did,

↓

why would we take turns telling stories

stories telling telling-stories turns

↓

about it like little girls at a sleepover?

girls sleepover

↓

If you're trying to be hurtful,

hurtful

↓

you're doing a good job.

↓

I'll take his turn.

↓

Here's why I'm going to kill Rick Sanchez.

kill rick sanchez

↓

- You guys have fun with this. - Dissolve to a clam-shaped sun

clam fun shaped

↓

rising over a giant beach.

beach giant rising

↓

Whew.

whew

↓

By then, of course, he had left toys

course left toys

↓

and flesh drops for every one of us in the spore-hive.

drops flesh hive

↓

Ah, a newcomer! I suppose you think

suppose

↓

you have a better story

story

↓

about how Rick Sanchez saved Space Christmas.

christmas rick sanchez saved space

↓

What is with the Rick Sanchez obsession?

obsession rick sanchez

↓

I think the best way to answer that

answer best

↓

is with my Christmas Rick Tale.

christmas rick tale

↓

Whoo!

whoo

↓

Could've used Rudolph tonight!

couldve rudolph tonight used

↓

Oh, thank God. I'm not too late.

late

↓

I don't know how to thank you, Goomby.

↓

No need. You just go in there and have a nice time.

↓

I will. Thanks.

thanks

↓

Hey.

↓

Merry Christmas, Goomby.

christmas merry merry-christmas

↓

Merry Christmas, Rick.

christmas merry merry-christmas rick

↓

Oh. Uh...

↓

Oh, it's okay.

↓

I-I don't have to. Sorry if that was...

↓

No. Um, um, I can ask.

↓

No, no, no, I don't wanna be a burden.

burden

↓

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, there's just...

↓

there's a lot of people. Family.

family

↓

- I get it. - You know? You're not mad?

↓

Totally fine. Bye.

↓

That... Okay, none of my business,

business

↓

but he didn't even save Christmas in that story.

christmas save story

↓

- Oh, how dare you! - That doesn't mean I'm invested.

dare invested

↓

Tell your Christmas Rick story!

christmas rick story

↓

Step the hell back! Back!

step

↓

You start teeing up a Rick Sanchez vignette,

rick sanchez start

↓

and you'll be doing it through two holes.

holes

↓

I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with this train.

figure train

↓

- Do you remember getting on it? - No.

remember

↓

First thing I remember is...

remember

↓

Tickets, please.

tickets

↓

So, why did you date Rick Sanchez?

date rick sanchez

↓

- What? - Oh, you don't have to pretend

pretend

↓

you didn't date him. We all did.

date

↓

We get it. Low point in your life,

life point

↓

rebound from an ex, et cetera.

cetera rebound

↓

No, really, who?

↓

Oh, exactly.

↓

In fact, and get this, when he met my family...

fact family

↓

Aah!

↓

Leah! Leah, check it out.

check

↓

Where'd you meet this, um...

meet whered

↓

... sprite?

↓

He's actually a human.

human

↓

But he invented portal tech?

invented portal tech

↓

I am the concept of time.

concept

↓

Jesus!

jesus

↓

I warned you not to do that.

warned

↓

- I wasn't trying. - You don't have to.

↓

The train is obviously amplifying

obviously train

↓

and linking unrelated narrative fields.

fields narrative unrelated

↓

Uh-huh...

↓

Morty? I told you if you found me again,

found morty

↓

identify yourself.

identify

↓

I didn't know it was you.

↓

How did you not recognize me?

recognize

↓

Didn't you create the disguises?

create

↓

When I create shit, it works, Morty.

create morty works

↓

It's called being talented.

called talented

↓

Why can't we find the engine?

engine

↓

It's not a real train, it's a story device.

device real story train

↓

Literally. A literal literary device

device literal literary

↓

quite literally metaphorically containing us.

↓

- A simulation. - Worse. An anthology.

simulation worse

↓

Okay, so how... how do we hijack it?

↓

Oh, Morty, it's been hijacked

hijacked morty

↓

for at least two full minutes.

full least minutes

↓

Are you not hearing this insane conversation?

conversation hearing insane

↓

Okay, Tickets Please Guy, stop the anthology.

tickets

↓

If we wanted one-offs, we'd do Interdimensional Cable,

cable wanted

↓

not some uptight, overwritten...

uptight

↓

- Rick? - God damn!

rick

↓

Tickets, please.

tickets

↓

Dude, I'm sure you've got, like, so many tickets at this point.

point tickets

↓

Jesus! The Tickets Please guy is cut!

jesus tickets

↓

He... he... he's... he's got those things.

↓

W-what do you call them. Uhm, cum gutters.

gutters

↓

- Morty, gross! - That's what people call them.

gross morty

↓

Gross people. I don't want to have to picture

gross picture

↓

cum so watery in such volumes that...

↓

Hey, hey, hey, stay back. I'll kick you.

kick

↓

I-I'll kick your shin, bro.

kick

↓

- Aaah! - Hey!

aaah

↓

I'll fuckin' cook and eat your ticket-taking ass.

cook fuckin ticket

↓

Hey, I found a ticket.

found ticket

↓

Wow, you are just... ladies and gentlemen,

gentlemen ladies

↓

the Jackie Chan of human shielding.

human jackie

↓

Who takes the time to get this good at...

takes

↓

Fuck this.

fuck

↓

- Aaah. - Structural breach.

aaah breach structural

↓

Losing continuity.

losing

↓

Morty, hold on to something.

morty

↓

Keep your head inside.

head

↓

Aaah!

aaah

↓

_

↓

Share with your sister, Josh.

josh share sister

↓

Just because it's your birthday

birthday

↓

doesn't mean you can be an asshole.

asshole

↓

- You okay, Dad? - Is this real?

real

↓

I doubt it, but you get what you get

doubt

↓

when you eat dinner in an arcade.

arcade dinner

↓

I mean are you real, is life real?

life real

↓

Okay, I'm calling the nurse

calling nurse

↓

because you are not doing this tonight.

tonight

↓

You're God damn right

↓

- I'm not because... - You are not doing this tonight!

tonight

↓

This isn't real life!

life real real-life

↓

- Dad? Oh, my God! - Honey. Sweetie.

honey sweetie

↓

- What's happening? - Give me your tickets.

tickets

↓

I... I need tickets.

tickets

↓

Everyone give me tickeeeeeettttttts!

↓

Aaaah!

aaaah

↓

Aaah!

aaah

↓

Emergency continuity deployed.

emergency

↓

- This could come in handy. - Can't we just ride out the...

handy ride

↓

Fuck you, I'd rather die.

fuck

↓

Train cops! Hands in the air!

cops hands train

↓

Tee up a story about Rick Sanchez!

rick sanchez story

↓

- He is Rick! - Jesus Christ!

christ jesus jesus-christ rick

↓

Is that the Tickets Please Guy?

tickets

↓

Well, just the stub.

↓

- Too soon! - Too soon!

↓

Don't move! Too soon!

↓

So, what did the Train Cops do wrong?

cops train

↓

Shot... people?

shot

↓

- Shot passengers. - Wrong.

passengers shot

↓

The passengers tampered with the anthology's structure.

passengers structure

↓

Lethal response was permitted,

lethal response

↓

but not with him holding that tank.

holding tank

↓

Let's take a look at what they should have done.

↓

Train cops! Hands in the air!

cops hands train

↓

- Drop the tank! Drop it! - Drop it! Drop the tank.

drop tank

↓

Sorry to nitpick, sir,

↓

but if there was a continuity explosion,

explosion

↓

isn't there always one?

↓

And doesn't that mean those two could be anywhere?

↓

What? No, you idiot, that... it's...

idiot

↓

It's just a training video. That didn't actually happen.

happen training video

↓

- That's what you think. - Hey. How'd you get here?

howd

↓

Yeah, like we're the ones that popped up out of nowhere?

ones popped

↓

Fuck these guys.

fuck

↓

Hey, what the hell? Your leg is healed.

healed

↓

Yeah, it's a real free-for-all.

free real

↓

Here we go.

↓

Of course this thing is just a fuckin' circle.

circle course fuckin

↓

You'd think it was so God damn complicated...

complicated

↓

Okay, here's where the stupid vignettes were.

stupid

↓

God, imagine if that had been the whole thing.

imagine whole

↓

So now we're here, and the engine must be here.

engine must

↓

I'll have to rig us a couple of space suits

couple space suits

↓

that start failing around here

failing start

↓

so we can pay a heavy price

heavy price

↓

for re-entering at this threshold.

entering

↓

We have to leave the train?

train

↓

We don't have to do anything, Morty.

morty

↓

This is just a structural guide.

guide structural

↓

We're obviously gonna impart our own style.

obviously style

↓

I don't like how meta this is getting, Rick.

rick

↓

Shut up, Morty. You're 14.

morty

↓

You watch videos of people on YouTube

videos watch youtube

↓

reacting to fucking YouTube.

fucking youtube

↓

I'll be the judge of when we get too meta.

judge

↓

Holy shit.

holy

↓

- How is he still breathing? - Aah!

breathing

↓

He's suspended in disbelief, slowly dying

dying slowly suspended

↓

while living out an alternative non-diagetic reality.

alternative living reality

↓

Geez, what a horrible way to die.

geez horrible

↓

You don't know the half of it.

half

↓

Oh!

↓

You're on fuego with the guy-torn-in-half bits, Rick.

bits fuego half rick torn

↓

That one was organic, though.

organic

↓

That's because you're naturally funny.

funny naturally

↓

That... that's good old-fashioned fun right there, you know?

fashioned fun

↓

W-w-we don't need to over-think shit, okay?

↓

Okay, buddy. Nice and grounded,

buddy grounded

↓

fully immersive from here on out.

fully

↓

- Right after this. - W-what's happening?

↓

Going into an act break.

break

↓

♪ Not quite a bird ♪

bird

↓

♪ Not quite a person ♪

person

↓

♪ Maybe what matters ♪

matters

↓

♪ Is to love yourself first and ♪

love

↓

♪ Soar ♪

soar

↓

♪ Child of air and land ♪

child land

↓

♪ With wings and hands ♪

hands wings

↓

♪ Yes, you're a bird and a person ♪

bird person

↓

♪ I'm a bird and a person ♪

bird person

↓

♪ And more ♪

↓

Sure, that was a great moment,

moment

↓

but it was hardly the best time

best hardly

↓

Rick and Morty were musical.

morty musical rick

↓

- Who can forget the t... - Hey.

forget

↓

You guys think there's something weird

weird

↓

about this train?

train

↓

We've been here a really long time

↓

and nobody's taken our tickets.

nobodys taken tickets

↓

Aaah!

aaah

↓

Aaaah!

aaaah

↓

The galaxy's greatest scientists continue to ponder

continue greatest scientists

↓

the horrific figure known to children as Floaty Blood Man.

blood children figure horrific known

↓

But after three months, nobody is any closer to the truth.

closer months nobody three three-months truth

↓

For Cutesy Name News, I'm Uncle Nibbles.

name news uncle

↓

I can't believe Floaty Bloody Man is real.

believe bloody real

↓

He's more than real, he's my new god.

real

↓

- Check it. - Is that brand-new,

brand check

↓

- or is the blood just... - Accurately depicted, yeah.

accurately blood

↓

His followers believe the entire universe

believe entire followers universe

↓

is Floaty Bloody Man's nightmare as he dies

bloody dies mans nightmare

↓

in a time-dilated reality.

dilated reality

↓

- So we could go at any minute. - No.

minute

↓

I'm part of the Floaty Nogasm Brotherhood.

brotherhood part

↓

We believe we're keeping him alive

alive believe keeping

↓

by redirecting our suppressed sexual energies.

sexual

↓

You're staying a virgin

staying virgin

↓

just to keep the universe existing?

existing universe

↓

- That's... so attractive. - It is?

attractive

↓

Okay, look, let's just do it once.

↓

Sorry.

↓

Aaah!

aaah

↓

- Happy now? - He was suffering.

happy suffering

↓

Keep moving. We have to get to the return threshold

moving return

↓

before the ticking clock on your suit gets to zero.

clock suit ticking zero

↓

Why would you put ticking clock...

clock ticking

↓

Because if it's too easy to get there,

easy

↓

we'll never get there.

↓

If you don't want to be meta stop, deconstructing shit.

↓

That's the thematic seal.

seal

↓

Gotta find a way to disrupt it.

↓

Okay, Morty, tell a story unrelated to us.

morty story unrelated

↓

- Uh, what do... - Stop thinking and do it!

thinking

↓

Uh, okay, uh, there was this...

↓

My name is Mike Johnson. That's good coffee.

coffee johnson mike name

↓

Better get that door.

door

↓

Iiiiiiii, hello.

↓

I want your cookies.

cookies

↓

I'm hungry, I want your cookies.

cookies hungry

↓

Scorpions, scorpions.

↓

There's scorpions outside. Get inside.

↓

What do they want from us?

↓

They want food.

food

↓

- Me too. - Okay, just stop.

↓

I'm not a writer, okay?

writer

↓

Relax, your story was supposed to be awful and stupid.

awful relax story stupid supposed

↓

I just failed to predict how well

failed predict

↓

that would mesh with the theme.

mesh theme

↓

Think. Think.

↓

What kind of story would we never...

story

↓

Morty, do you know what the Bechdel Test is?

morty test

↓

- The what? - For God's sake, Morty,

gods gods-sake morty sake

↓

the formula for measuring female agency

agency female formula

↓

in a story proposed by lesbian cartoonist Allison...

allison lesbian proposed story

↓

what the hell are they teaching you in that school?!

school teaching

↓

- Other stuff! - Then you've killed us both!

killed stuff

↓

Why is lesbian part of her job title?!

lesbian part title

↓

Oh, now you're progressive?!

progressive

↓

- What is the test?! - You have to tell...

test

↓

Morty, Morty.

morty

↓

Two women. They both have to have names

names women

↓

and talk to each other about something...

↓

- Rick! - ... other than a man...

rick

↓

Oh, Rick, listen to me.

rick

↓

Once upon a time,

↓

my mom and my sister... Listen to me!

sister

↓

Mom, can I try your tea?

↓

Yes, Summer.

summer

↓

Yes. Try my tea.

↓

It's so good. It's so warm.

warm

↓

Mom, can I talk to you

↓

about my special time?

special

↓

It's okay. I have one, too.

↓

Mine is heavy today.

heavy today

↓

Mine is never light.

light

↓

I love you ever since you were...

love

↓

mailed to me.

mailed

↓

By a doctor woman.

doctor woman

↓

Your special time is your power.

power special

↓

It makes you strong like a boob.

boob makes strong

↓

Strong against what?

strong

↓

Scorpions. Female Scorpions.

female

↓

They're attacking outside. Come on.

attacking

↓

Fight them with your heavy special time.

fight heavy special

↓

You do it, too.

↓

- Hello? - Hello?

↓

I'm that Supreme Court lady, and you fucking did it.

court fucking lady supreme supreme-court

↓

- We did it! - We did it!

↓

Great job, Morty.

morty

↓

A feminist masterpiece. Hey, look.

feminist masterpiece

↓

Guess who's got two penises and all the agency?

agency penises

↓

Rick and Morty.

morty rick

↓

Story Lord.

lord story

↓

I should've known you were behind this, and I did.

behind known shouldve shouldve-known

↓

- Who is this guy? - Ugh.

↓

He's like a Matrix Space Frasier.

space

↓

Let's get this fight over with, nerd.

fight nerd

↓

I've got shit to do.

↓

You of all people know, Rick,

rick

↓

there can be no destination without a journey.

destination journey

↓

I don't know that at all. I regularly teleport.

regularly teleport

↓

Oh, of course. No rules for you.

course rules

↓

Spiraling through the multiverse,

↓

burping semi-improvised dialogue about how nothing matters,

dialogue matters

↓

so we may as well pull out our dicks and rub them

dicks pull

↓

on fate's glaring teeth like we're brushing fate's teeth,

brushing teeth

↓

but we're using your gross, dirty dick.

dick dirty gross using

↓

Must be nice.

must

↓

Nobody's stopping you.

nobodys stopping

↓

True. Not anymore.

anymore

↓

- Goddamn! - We already did this.

goddamn

↓

Oh, is this a double beat? Oh, well.

beat double

↓

Just how I adventure, dawg.

adventure dawg

↓

This is more impressive

impressive

↓

than the Tickets Please Guy, though.

tickets

↓

You are like 90% cum gutter.

gutter

↓

It's called discipline. Watch this.

called discipline watch

↓

- God damn. - Geez!

geez

↓

- Do we have to fight him? - I don't want to.

fight

↓

We surrender. We're not fighting.

fighting surrender

↓

Ow!

↓

Ow!

↓

Fucking kick your ass.

fucking kick

↓

Ow!

↓

Oh!

↓

Hey! Get back in your egg!

↓

- What the... - Don't worry, Morty!

morty worry

↓

Nothing out there is canon!

↓

- We've got a pulse. - Stay with me, Private.

private pulse

↓

Smith, listen to me. You were exposed

exposed smith

↓

to a chemical that is altering your mind.

altering chemical mind

↓

To beat it, you have to hold on...

beat

↓

- We're losing him. - Aliens. Sarge?!

aliens losing

↓

Morty, never forget the highest truth of all...

forget highest morty truth

↓

you're getting your ass kicked on a train.

kicked train

↓

Professor Sanchez?

professor sanchez

↓

Did it work?

↓

I wouldn't say that, Marcus.

marcus

↓

I'd say it fucking worked.

fucking worked

↓

100% time dilation and total immersion.

immersion total

↓

Define "total."

define total

↓

Marcus, I've been back in reality for three hours,

hours marcus reality three three-hours

↓

and I still have memories of a completely different life.

completely life memories

↓

I-I-I was a scientist still.

scientist

↓

I-I-I was... I-I-I had developed

developed

↓

inter-dimensional travel, I-I-I-I had a daughter.

daughter travel

↓

I-I didn't have a mustache.

mustache

↓

I-I was kinda funny sometimes,

funny kinda sometimes

↓

mostly burping.

mostly

↓

No more secret testing.

secret testing

↓

I can help people now.

↓

You've helped people.

helped

↓

I've hurt more.

hurt

↓

- Aaah! - P-P-Professor Sanchez.

aaah professor sanchez

↓

I-I'm Morty Smith from the... the... the the 241st.

morty smith

↓

They... they... put your pill in our food.

food pill

↓

- It... it works. - Call the police!

police works

↓

It's okay. It's okay. It's not real.

real

↓

N-n-n-n-nothing's real.

nothings real

↓

- I'm sorry, son. - I-i-it's okay. You aren't real.

real

↓

God, you're right. I should do more freeform stuff.

stuff

↓

In you go.

↓

- What's happening? - The reason I brought you here.

brought reason

↓

I'll now fuel my anthology

fuel

↓

with your limitless potential,

potential

↓

propelling it to its final stop...

final

↓

beyond the fifth wall.

beyond fifth wall

↓

You idiot. Our potential isn't limitless.

idiot potential

↓

You'll never breakthe fifth wall before you've burnt us out.

burnt fifth wall

↓

Is that so? Oh, well. Win-win.

↓

Rick, w-what's he doing?

rick

↓

He's trying to tap into us, Morty. Resist.

morty resist

↓

I can't believe you're finally headed off to college.

believe college finally headed

↓

Yeah, you know, it really felt like you were gonna be 17 forever.

forever

↓

For, like, 16 years, at least.

least years

↓

I can't believe I'm tearing up over this.

believe tearing

↓

Jesus, Rick, you know, you've really softened up.

jesus rick

↓

It's a human moment, Morty.

human moment morty

↓

It's a human moment.

human moment

↓

- Aaah! - Aaah! It hurts!

aaah hurts

↓

Abradolph Lincoler? I thought you were dead.

dead

↓

I'm very much alive, and I need your help.

alive

↓

Yeah!

↓

Shit. He's taking the good stuff, Morty.

morty stuff

↓

Wait, is... is any of this canon?

↓

It could have been.

↓

Oh, dear.

dear

↓

Are there things Rick Sanchez holds sacred after all?

holds rick sacred sanchez

↓

How did you find us?

↓

I trusted you!

trusted

↓

Don't blame others for your bad decisions.

blame decisions others

↓

Resist, Morty!

morty resist

↓

Resist before he burns us out!

burns resist

↓

Oh, too late now!

late

↓

What's wrong, Rick?

rick

↓

Don't you want to see how your story ends?!

ends story

↓

Holy shit, Rick. What do we...

holy rick

↓

There... there... there's now way out!

↓

You're right, Morty.

morty

↓

Sometimes it does seem like there's no way out.

sometimes

↓

Like it's hopeless.

hopeless

↓

But remember, there's always someone there for us.

remember

↓

- Who? - My best friend

best best-friend friend

↓

and personal savior, Jesus Christ.

christ jesus jesus-christ personal savior

↓

What?! You... you don't believe in God.

believe

↓

But He believes in us, Morty.

believes morty

↓

You know, I thought I was the inventor,

↓

but the greatest invention of all

greatest invention

↓

is the free gift of Eternal Life.

eternal free gift life

↓

Is this... are you fucking with me?

fucking

↓

Oh, trust me, Morty.

morty trust

↓

I've done plenty of effed up stuff in my life.

life plenty stuff

↓

But it's never too late to accept Christ.

accept christ late

↓

Jesus is always knocking at the door.

door jesus knocking

↓

All we have to do is open it

open

↓

- and let Him into our hearts. - How?

hearts

↓

I'm so glad you asked, Morty.

asked glad morty

↓

Just close your eyes and go to Him in prayer.

close eyes prayer

↓

Like this.

↓

- Heavenly Father. - Heavenly Father.

father heavenly

↓

Thank you for sending your only begotten son.

sending

↓

What a second, no! What are you doing?!

second

↓

Jesus, I accept you into my heart.

accept heart jesus

↓

No! This sucks.

sucks

↓

Stop! You guys would never do this.

↓

Fill me with your Spirit.

fill spirit

↓

Make me a shining city on a hill for you.

city hill shining

↓

- No! No! - Make me born again.

born

↓

- No! - In Jesus's name, we pray.

name pray

↓

- Amen. - Amen.

amen

↓

- Amen! - You did it!

amen

↓

- Way to go, Morty! - Crossy.

morty

↓

Bible-Saurus. You made it.

bible

↓

We wouldn't miss this for anything!

miss

↓

You said it, Mr. Celery.

celery

↓

What the fuck is all of this?!

fuck

↓

Greatest story ever told, Story Lord.

greatest lord story

↓

No, it's not. It's awful!

awful

↓

I beg your pardon?

pardon

↓

Ah!

↓

Goddamn.

goddamn

↓

My Lord and my God!

lord

↓

- No! No! It sucks in here. - Let's get the fuck outta here.

fuck outta sucks

↓

Go, now.

↓

Ugh. We're safe, Morty.

morty safe

↓

Nobody ever wanted to see that shit.

nobody wanted

↓

Wh-what's gonna happen to Story Lord?

happen lord story

↓

He gets to spend eternity in every writer's hell...

eternity spend writers

↓

- the Bible. - I don't know.

bible

↓

Some people actually like that stuff.

stuff

↓

Seems kind of cynical.

cynical seems

↓

I just don't like taking cheap shots, you know?

cheap shots

↓

Cheap shots? Morty, we were literally

cheap morty shots

↓

saved by Jesus Christ.

christ jesus jesus-christ saved

↓

Tell me in any way how that's offensive.

offensive

↓

This was a little confusing,

confusing

↓

but I guess it brought us closer together, you know?

brought closer

↓

Tested our demons.

demons tested

↓

Made us believe in ourselves more than ever.

believe

↓

Yeah. You're right, Morty.

morty

↓

We got all that meta-canon shit outta the way

outta

↓

and now we can just be ourselves.

↓

Now what do you say we bring this train into the station.

bring station train

↓

Oh, shit.

↓

So what do you think?

↓

Wow. Where did you get this thing?

↓

The Citadel of Ricks Gift Shop.

gift gift-shop shop

↓

Do you really like it?

↓

I didn't think you'd even care.

care

↓

What? Morty. No. I love it.

love morty

↓

You did the most important thing.

↓

You... you bought something.

bought

↓

- What? - You bought something.

bought

↓

With money. God. I love money so much, Morty.

love money morty

↓

- Are you being sarcastic? - Merchandise, Morty.

merchandise morty sarcastic

↓

Your only purpose in life is to buy and consume merchandise.

life merchandise purpose

↓

And you did it. You went into a store...

store

↓

an actual honest to God store... and you bought something.

actual bought honest store

↓

You didn't ask questions or raise ethical complaints.

complaints ethical questions raise

↓

You... you just looked straight into the bleeding jaws

bleeding jaws looked straight

↓

of capitalism and said "Yes, daddy, please."

daddy

↓

And I'm... I'm so proud of you.

proud

↓

I only wish you could've bought more.

bought couldve wish

↓

I... I love buying things so much, Morty.

buying love morty

↓

Rick, are... are you...

rick

↓

do you need to go to the hospital?

hospital

↓

I love you, Morty. Give Grandpa a kiss.

grandpa kiss love morty

↓

Give... give... gimme... give Grandpa a kiss.

grandpa kiss

↓

Lips if you want. What...

lips

↓

whatever you're comfortable with.

comfortable

↓

Some cultures do that.

cultures

↓

That was sweet. Thank you.

sweet

↓

I... I love you. You're my little buddy.

buddy love

↓

Okay.

↓

Let's watch some Interdimensional Cable.

cable watch

↓

So you're saying my father

father

↓

and His kingdom...

kingdom

↓

Well, yes... it's based on the fusion

based

↓

of a Sumerian god named "Ya"

named

↓

and a Mesopotamian god named "Way."

named

↓

And we're in a toy train?

train

↓

Yes.

↓

It's enough to really make you question

question

↓

all of existence, isn't it?

existence

↓

So what do you think you're gonna do about it?

↓

I'm gonna do what I've always done.

↓

I'm gonna get the fuck outta here.

fuck outta

↓

Father of omens! Give me blood beyond sight!

beyond blood father sight

↓

Hey, what the fuck Morty? The train you got me

fuck morty train

↓

just completely derailed itself.

completely

↓

There's blood all over the windows on it.

blood windows

↓

Oh, man, I'm sorry, Rick. I guess I'll return it.

return rick

↓

Return... Are you insane?

insane return

↓

Did you hear nothing I said?

↓

Buy another one, Morty.

another morty

↓

Consume, Morty.

morty

↓

Nobody's out there shopping with this fucking virus.

fucking nobodys shopping virus

↓

Where's your fucking wallet?!

fucking wallet

↓

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --

corrected synced

↓

Tired of the same boring adventures

adventures boring tired

↓

with your dogshit Morty?

morty

↓

- Yeah! - Aw. Geez.

geez

↓

Then get ready for the Citadel of Rick's Story Train.

ready story train

↓

Story Train. Story Train.

story train

↓

The Citadel of Rick's Story Train

story train

↓

comes with car after car of enemies, lovers,

comes enemies lovers

↓

and Goomby, all grappling with the nature of who you truly are.

nature truly

↓

Rick is a god! Tickets Please.

rick tickets

↓

Whoa! Watch out! It's Story Lord!

lord story watch whoa

↓

Damn. He's jacked.

jacked

↓

Pure cum gutter.

gutter pure

↓

And of course, what story would be complete

complete course story

↓

without the engineer of the Greatest Story Ever Told.

engineer greatest story

↓

- Oh, Jesus Christ. - I have come not to judge

christ jesus jesus-christ judge

↓

the world, but to save it.

save world

↓

And the best part is, the fun never ends.

best best-part ends fun part

↓

Thanks to the Rick-patented anthology generator,

generator rick thanks

↓

you'll never run out of new stories

stories

↓

- and people to tell them. - Are they alive?

alive

↓

Of course. But not in any ways that matter.

course matter ways

↓

They. Have. No. Souls.

souls

↓

Puppets. Of. Fate.

fate puppets

↓

The Story Train. Available now

available story train

↓

in The Citadel of Ricks. Buy it ironically.

↓

Buy it sincerely. Just buy it.

↓

Not buying it is an act of buying it.

buying

↓

Buy it now. Look it up. It's real.

real

↓

www.story-train.com.

story train

↓

On the Internet. It's there. Buy it. Buy the train.

internet train

↓

We want you to buy the train.

train