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Home » Rick and Morty » S04E01 — Edge of Tomorty - Rick Die Rickpeat

Rick and Morty

Season 4, Episode 1 — Edge of Tomorty - Rick Die Rickpeat

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Edge of Tomorty: Rick Die Rickpeat

Air date: November 10, 2019

Director: Erica Hayes

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Morty goes nuts this time. Rick does stuff.

Source: TMDB

↓

Morty's on Jessica's Instagram again. Get out of here, jerk!

instagram jerk

↓

What's so embarrassing, Morty?

embarrassing morty

↓

Sharing it with your family might help.

family might sharing

↓

Summer, stop shaming your brother.

brother summer

↓

Morty, stop being a creepy, perverted cyberstalker.

creepy morty perverted

↓

I'm not cyberstalking!

↓

I-I-I just wanted to know where she got this necklace from.

necklace wanted

↓

And now I know.

↓

Her -- Her -- Her grandma left it to her.

grandma left

↓

You're quiet, Rick.

quiet rick

↓

Shouldn't you be revealing grandmas aren't real?

grandmas real revealing

↓

Hi. I've placed an auto-response chip in my brain

auto brain chip placed response

↓

so I can spend time with my family.

family spend

↓

But you are spending time with your family.

family spending

↓

Thank you for talking to Rick.

rick

↓

[ Beep ] [ Gasps ]

beep gasps

↓

Alright, I'm finished with my breakfast

alright breakfast finished

↓

and my Amazon wish list. Let's go, Morty.

amazon list morty wish

↓

I need death crystals from Forbodulon Prime.

death prime

↓

Uh...

↓

Dad? There's a way we do this now.

↓

Morty, would you please accompany me

morty

↓

to Forbodulon Prime for death crystals?

death prime

↓

Well, thank you for asking. Yes, I will do that.

asking

↓

It is a hot photo.

photo

↓

I think grief flushes your cheeks.

cheeks flushes grief

↓

Dad, you hardly put any syrup on.

hardly syrup

↓

Honey, stop raising your father's cholesterol

fathers honey raising

↓

so you can take a hot funeral selfie.

funeral selfie

↓

I never get to do anything.

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

[ Electricity crackles ]

crackles electricity

↓

♪♪

↓

Uh, Rick, maybe if we go a little --

rick

↓

Faster? Good idea, Morty.

faster idea morty

↓

It'll get us through these asteroids sooner.

itll sooner

↓

[ Whooshing ]

whooshing

↓

[ Bottles clatter ]

bottles clatter

↓

Geez, you're really this pissed about my mom making sure

geez pissed

↓

I'm okay with our adventures?

adventures

↓

What's next, Morty? What if I want you to jump off

jump morty

↓

the Empire State Building? I have to ask? Yes?

building empire state

↓

And you seriously don't see how that's a slippery slope?

slippery slippery-slope slope

↓

Just shut up and help me with these, please.

↓

Why are they called death crystals?

called death

↓

D-Do they kill you?

kill

↓

You're thinking of bullets, Morty.

bullets morty thinking

↓

Death crystals show you how you're gonna die.

death

↓

[ Whimpering, screaming ]

screaming whimpering

↓

Jesus Christ! I-I die a million times?

christ jesus jesus-christ million million-times times

↓

Your future stems from your [burps] present,

burps future present

↓

which, if you're living right, keeps changing.

changing keeps living

↓

Truth is, anyone that knows how they're definitely gonna die

knows truth

↓

is either boring as hell or about to get shot.

boring shot

↓

Duck!

duck

↓

Who are those guys?!

↓

Rick: Crystal poachers.

crystal rick

↓

There's no lower form of life.

form life lower

↓

They think the galaxy's their own personal piggy bank.

bank personal piggy

↓

Wait, then what are we?

↓

We're Rick and Morty.

morty rick

↓

You're about to witness the only real use for these crystals.

real witness

↓

They show you when the other guy's reloading.

↓

Certain death, certain death, certain death, uncertain death.

certain death

↓

[ Lasers zapping ]

lasers zapping

↓

And certain death, certain death, certain death.

certain death

↓

Definitely gonna get shot by this guy;

shot

↓

this is totally my fate; nothing I could possibly do;

fate possibly

↓

okay, now, not so much.

↓

Help me gather these up.

gather

↓

You just use these to win fights?

fights

↓

People that spend their life avoiding death are already dead.

avoiding dead death life spend

↓

They're also rich, and I like to spend my life with their money.

life money rich spend

↓

Oh, my God.

↓

Jessica! [ Laughing ] Oh!

jessica laughing

↓

I love you.

love

↓

Oh! Whoa! Whoa!

whoa

↓

Morty.

morty

↓

I love you.

love

↓

Jessica. I want to die with Jessica.

jessica

↓

[ Death crystals rattling ]

death rattling

↓

Ahh! What are you doing?

↓

Oh, um, c-can I drive? Why?

drive

↓

The...feel of the open road?

open road

↓

Alright! Who's this grandson?

alright grandson

↓

I like his style.

style

↓

Morty, you know outer space is up, right? Yeah, yeah.

morty outer outer-space space

↓

I'm just, uh, following...my...instincts.

following instincts

↓

Will you just go up? Stop!

↓

You're gonna make me die wrong!

↓

Morty, do you have a death crystal in your pocket?

crystal death morty pocket

↓

No! Maybe! You little monster!

monster

↓

I thought you were masturbating!

masturbating

↓

And you took that in stride?!

stride

↓

You'd rather I address it?!

address

↓

Why would I be doing it?!

↓

Why would you steal a death crystal?!

crystal death steal

↓

I want to die old!

↓

Then stop driving!

driving

↓

No! You son of a bitch!

bitch

↓

Give me the wheel, Morty.

morty wheel

↓

Goddamn it.

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

[ Splat ]

↓

[ Electricity crackles ]

crackles electricity

↓

Ohhh, shit.

ohhh

↓

Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit.

↓

- I love you, Morty. - [ Sighs ]

love morty sighs

↓

I will avenge my death.

death

↓

Holy shit! Just kidding.

holy kidding

↓

I'm a crisis detection and correction hologram

crisis

↓

generated by a chip that "real" Rick put in your spine.

chip real rick spine

↓

"Real" in quotes because calling density-privileged entities

calling real

↓

"real" is incredibly holo-phobic.

incredibly real

↓

Morty, do me a solid -- problematic wordplay aside --

aside morty solid

↓

grab the gun with the blue handle from the trunk

blue grab handle trunk

↓

and get a tissue sample from the corpse.

corpse sample tissue

↓

[ Device beeps ]

beeps device

↓

Alright, now take that to the trunk

alright trunk

↓

and insert it into the clone compiler.

clone insert

↓

I see you appear to be holding a death crystal

appear crystal death holding

↓

that's guiding your decisions more than I am.

decisions guiding

↓

That's your right.

↓

I just want to remind you that some people can't hold anything

remind

↓

and can never die, so that's a little offensive to --

offensive

↓

[ Engine starts ]

engine engine-starts starts

↓

Listen, I'm programmed for tolerance, Morty.

morty programmed tolerance

↓

So I'm willing to accept that you're doing this

accept willing

↓

if you're willing to accept that you need to stop.

accept willing

↓

[ Whirring ]

whirring

↓

Accepting. Rerouted.

accepting

↓

Backup. Data. Operation. Phoenix. Initiated.

backup data initiated operation

↓

[ Coughing ]

coughing

↓

What the hell? I axed this protocol.

protocol

↓

What are you doing with my clone?

clone

↓

It's okay. I'm you.

↓

I took my own clone vat offline a couple seasons ago,

clone couple seasons

↓

so I think my backup got rerouted to your universe.

backup universe

↓

I'm sorry. All good. Happy to help.

happy

↓

By the way, annoying that I even have to ask,

annoying

↓

but you are down with fascist dystopias, right?

fascist

↓

[ Dramatic music plays ]

dramatic dramatic-music music music-plays plays

↓

YYYYYes.

↓

That "yes" was pretty...

↓

...liberal with the letter "Y."

letter liberal

↓

Well, isn't this strange.

strange

↓

I trust, the kind of strange that makes Rick and Morty...

makes morty rick strange trust

↓

[ Gun cocks ]

cocks

↓

Morty, I caught this socialist in my bathrobe.

caught morty

↓

He wants to give all of our martinis

martinis wants

↓

to a family of immigrants.

family immigrants

↓

Obviously, the most likely imposter

likely obviously

↓

is the wet, naked clone.

clone naked

↓

But it won't be to the police.

police

↓

Ohh! 'Kay.

↓

He was an inferior Rick. He was too political.

political rick

↓

I want to have fun, classic Rick-and-Morty adventures

adventures classic fun morty rick

↓

like in the old days.

days

↓

Then we'll get along fine, Fascist Morty.

along fascist morty

↓

For starters, I just need to get to Forbodulon Prime --

prime starters

↓

You will go where I want you to go!!

↓

Fuck.

fuck

↓

[ School bell rings ]

bell bell-rings rings school school-bell school-bell-rings

↓

Hey, hey! Ho, ho!

↓

Not cloning your grandpa has got to go!

grandpa

↓

Hey, hey! Ho, ho!

↓

Not cloning your grandpa has got to go!

grandpa

↓

You don't get out of my face, I'm gonna flush Rick's DNA.

face flush

↓

Alright. Okay, regroup, everybody.

alright everybody regroup

↓

You, too, Berkeley!

↓

Snap out of it.

snap

↓

At least tell me what this death is

death least

↓

that you're so determined to...

determined

↓

Oh. Jessica.

jessica

↓

Morty, I love --

love morty

↓

What?! No, no! No, no, no!

↓

- [ Screaming ] - I love you.

love screaming

↓

Damn it!

↓

How am I gonna die with her if I can't even talk to her?

↓

Here's an idea, Morty. Throw that thing in the garbage,

garbage idea morty throw

↓

stop planning your own death, and talk to whoever you want.

death planning

↓

Now you just sound like Real Rick.

real rick sound

↓

You're better than that language, Morty.

language morty

↓

I ain't better than shit, Jack.

aint jack

↓

So, uh, w-what are we doing?

↓

Stop asking questions. Stop doing meta-commentary.

asking asking-questions questions

↓

Just have fun.

fun

↓

We're going on a simple, fun, classic adventure.

adventure classic fun simple

↓

Okay, you know what? It would really help

↓

if you could just say anything other than what you don't want.

↓

I like Mr. Meeseeks.

meeseeks

↓

Okay, now we're talking. You know what?

↓

I usually keep a Meeseeks box in my glove compartment,

compartment glove meeseeks usually

↓

so maybe Fascist Rick does, too.

fascist rick

↓

Ah! Well, look at that.

↓

Now we're doing something we've done before.

↓

I'm Mr. Meeseeks!

meeseeks

↓

Kill this Nazi prick!

kill nazi prick

↓

Can do!

↓

- Come here, you son of a bitch! - No! Stop!

bitch

↓

[ Shouting ]

shouting

↓

[ Whirring ]

whirring

↓

Accepting. Rerouted.

accepting

↓

Backup. Data. Operation. Phoenix. Initiated.

backup data initiated operation

↓

[ Coughing ]

coughing

↓

Aw, come on, man.

↓

Whoa, are you okay?

whoa

↓

Yeah, sorry. [ Burps ]

burps

↓

I'm a Rick from another reality.

another reality rick

↓

I-I got uploaded to your clone vat.

clone

↓

Hey, don't worry about it, man. I have a dozen.

dozen worry

↓

W-W-What the heck, Rick?

heck rick

↓

Are you making clones down here?

↓

Get outta here, Morty!

morty outta

↓

Stop asking stupid questions, Morty!

asking morty questions stupid

↓

You sound like a piece of shit.

piece sound

↓

Aw, geez.

geez

↓

So, tell the truth, man. No shame.

shame truth

↓

You're looking at your shrimp body like "What?!"

body looking shrimp

↓

Ah, is it that obvious? I'm sorry.

obvious

↓

Yeah, my original body is more bipedal -- uh, ape-descended.

body original

↓

Really! Weird.

weird

↓

Does your house look like a tree, or...

house tree

↓

No, it looks like this.

↓

It's, like, identical to this, actually.

identical

↓

That is such a mind-fuck.

fuck mind

↓

It's all good, man. I'm fine with it.

↓

Honestly, you're doing me a huge favor

favor huge

↓

by being shrimp instead of fascists.

shrimp

↓

What?

↓

[ Siren wails ]

siren siren-wails wails

↓

When did this shit become the default?!

become

↓

[ Dogs barking ]

barking dogs

↓

Who wants to come up to the board

board wants

↓

and show me some basic-ass integers?

basic

↓

- I love you, Morty. - Aah!

love morty

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

Morty? Yeah, right.

morty

↓

[ Chalk scraping ]

chalk scraping

↓

That's not an integer!

↓

Apparently, it doesn't matter.

apparently matter

↓

Damn, Morty, you're bad at math,

math morty

↓

but I'm giving you an A-plus in confidence.

confidence giving plus

↓

Just doin' what I gotta do.

doin

↓

Extra credit!

credit extra extra-credit

↓

I love you, Morty. I love you, Morty.

love morty

↓

What's with the strut?

↓

- You think you own this school? - Nope!

nope school

↓

What if I killed you? Would you be strutting then?

killed

↓

Only if the events of the Pixar movie "Coco" are to be believed,

believed coco events movie

↓

which I doubt.

doubt

↓

I have it on good authority

authority

↓

that you're probably not gonna kill me.

kill

↓

So why don't you do what I do

↓

and just go with the flow, nice and Zen, baby.

baby flow

↓

Aah! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

↓

Ugh! Impotence!

↓

Aah! Impotent rage!

rage

↓

Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

↓

You die tomorrow, no matter what.

matter tomorrow

↓

It's what bullies call a "fait accompli."

bullies

↓

Oh, man! Oh, shit!

↓

Looks like you got yourself in a lick of trouble, huh, Morty?

lick morty trouble

↓

Okay, okay, look, if you help me not die,

↓

I'll bring Rick back to life.

bring life rick

↓

Why are you pretending to eat chicken?

chicken pretending

↓

Excuse me?

excuse

↓

This chicken is quite real to me.

chicken real

↓

Yeah, okay, but it doesn't have --

↓

Nutrients? Yeah.

↓

What's the last thing you ate?

↓

Baloney and an orange.

baloney orange

↓

So, no holographic foods?

foods

↓

So, to me, you never ate?

↓

Or we could try respecting each other.

respecting

↓

Will you just show me how to stay alive?

alive

↓

Hologram Rick: Alright, Morty, a deal's a deal.

alright deal deals morty rick

↓

Once we bring your Rick back to life,

bring life rick

↓

then I'll help you with the bully.

bully

↓

Go ahead and open the hatch to the subterranean lab.

ahead go-ahead hatch open

↓

That's where all the cloning equipment is.

equipment

↓

[ Wailing ]

wailing

↓

Please tell me you're not hitting that crystal again.

crystal hitting

↓

Look, Rick might be the epitome of bloated flesh privilege,

flesh might privilege rick

↓

but he's right about one thing.

↓

You're gonna be a lot happier if you focus on the moment,

focus happier moment

↓

rather than on how you're gonna die.

↓

I mean, w-who's worried about that, huh?

worried

↓

Sorry, Hologram Rick.

rick

↓

I'm going with the crystal on this one.

crystal

↓

- [ Wailing ] - Morty.

morty wailing

↓

Oh, alright, okay.

alright

↓

Just because I can't interact with solid matter

matter solid

↓

means you can just walk all over me?

walk

↓

Dear God.

dear

↓

[ Whirring ]

whirring

↓

[ Coughing ]

coughing

↓

Bist du faschistisch?

↓

Nope.

nope

↓

[ Glass shatters ]

glass glass-shatters shatters

↓

Finally.

finally

↓

I thought maybe you were pussying out.

↓

Hyah!

hyah

↓

What the fuck?

fuck

↓

Oh, the air's getting thin!

airs thin

↓

Well, well, well, looks like there's a new bully in town!

bully town

↓

Lucky for us, he just made bully-bullying the new bullying!

bully bullying lucky

↓

Bully him!

bully

↓

[ Splat ] Aah!

↓

[ Siren wails ]

siren siren-wails wails

↓

behind the mall. Over.

behind mall

↓

Dying with Jessica...

dying jessica

↓

Hey!

↓

What the hell?

↓

Aah! Aah!

↓

[ Tires screech ]

screech tires tires-screech

↓

I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!

meeseeks

↓

Shield me from the law!

shield

↓

- Yes, sir! Can do! - Stand down!

stand

↓

- Look at me! - [ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

[ Dramatic music plays ]

dramatic dramatic-music music music-plays plays

↓

♪♪

↓

[ Indistinct shouting ]

indistinct indistinct-shouting shouting

↓

I...will...die...old!

↓

Up next, an unstoppable science-fiction boy

fiction science unstoppable

↓

is attacking our nation's final line of defense.

attacking defense final line nations

↓

Will we all fall to his deadly touch?

deadly fall touch

↓

But first, something silly?

silly

↓

What do you mean, "but first"?

↓

I already said "up next." You always do this.

↓

I don't always do shit. Don't gaslight me.

↓

Gaslighting doesn't exist.

exist

↓

You made it up 'cause you're fucking crazy.

crazy fucking fucking-crazy

↓

[ Dramatic music plays ]

dramatic dramatic-music music music-plays plays

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

Why are you letting me do this?

letting

↓

[ Robotically ] I do as the crystal guides.

crystal

↓

[ Gavel bangs ]

bangs gavel

↓

Your Honor, my client was acting in self-defense.

acting client defense honor self

↓

He turned 13 men into piles of ash.

piles turned

↓

Sit down! Before I sentence you,

sentence

↓

is there anything you have to say for yourself?

↓

I...w-w-will a-al-sways --

↓

always r-r-remember o-our --

remember

↓

our -- our...v-v-t-time -- time...

↓

i-in...f-g-g-g-P-P-Peru.

↓

I will always remember our time in Peru, Your Honor.

honor remember

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

as you can see, my client is speaking nonsense.

client nonsense speaking

↓

Stop.

↓

Those were my husband's last words.

husbands words

↓

He says that he...l-loves you...

loves

↓

ttt-llll-lit-lit-little -- little

↓

ff-gg-sp-spa-ffggarrow --

↓

sparrow!

↓

He loves you, little sparrow.

loves

↓

[ Sobs ]

sobs

↓

He's innocent. Case dismissed.

case dismissed innocent

↓

I'm coming for you, Condor!

coming

↓

Well, I, for one, will not be accepting this verdict.

accepting verdict

↓

And this little monster may think he's gotten away,

gotten monster

↓

but there is something called the court of public opinion

called court opinion public

↓

that still has final say in this country.

country final

↓

Oh, I guess he's coming out of the courthouse now.

coming courthouse

↓

Let's go live to that.

live

↓

[ Crowd clamoring, camera shutters clicking ]

camera clamoring clicking crowd

↓

[ Crowd gasps ]

crowd crowd-gasps gasps

↓

[ Howling ]

howling

↓

People, I gotta tell you something.

↓

That little boy...

↓

I thought I knew everything about everything.

↓

But something about the tones and frequencies

tones

↓

that just came out of his mouth have made me...

mouth

↓

I mean, I think we're just about ready to forgive him

forgive ready

↓

and move past this whole thing. He's a free young man.

free past whole young

↓

And as far as continuity goes, the reset button's been hit.

buttons reset

↓

Morty! That was a fast trial.

fast morty trial

↓

Jess-i-ca?

↓

A bunch of us girls were gonna go skinny-dipping later,

bunch dipping girls skinny

↓

if you wanted to join.

join wanted

↓

Actually, now, really. We're gonna do it right now.

↓

This is the last conversation I'm having about it

conversation having

↓

fully clothed. [ Chuckles ]

chuckles fully

↓

No, thanks.

thanks

↓

I'm...assuming... we...maybe...

assuming

↓

get together... in our 40s?

↓

Uh, cool.

cool

↓

Sounds...hot. [ Chuckles ]

chuckles sounds

↓

Bye.

↓

Must...continue... moving...

continue moving must

↓

in ways...that lead... to dying...with you.

dying lead ways

↓

Whoa! Way to use up a clone!

clone whoa

↓

What the fuck, man?

fuck

↓

What's the matter with you? Y-Y-You don't talk?

matter

↓

Tarantula got your tongue?

tarantula tongue

↓

Uh... Heil, Wasp Hitler?

heil hitler wasp

↓

What? What the fuck?

fuck

↓

Where's that shit coming from?

coming

↓

Look, I'm a primate. I-I'm having a hard time.

hard having

↓

I'll think or say whatever gets me home.

home

↓

Well, here's how it works with wasps.

works

↓

We eat our prey alive, and when we don't,

alive prey

↓

we lay our eggs in their eyeballs

eggs eyeballs

↓

so that our young can feast on their brains

brains feast young

↓

when they hatch.

hatch

↓

When you're born that big an asshole,

asshole born

↓

the least you can do is have a little empathy.

empathy least

↓

Now, come have dinner with my beautiful family.

dinner family

↓

And drop the Hitler stuff.

drop hitler stuff

↓

Wasp Morty's been on some crazy message boards.

boards crazy message wasp

↓

Aah! Aah!

↓

Oh! Aah! Ow!

↓

Me and my friends want to fly around

friends

↓

and look for something to sting tonight.

sting tonight

↓

You be careful not to waste all your venom.

careful waste

↓

I'm not a bee, Dad.

↓

Oh, God! Kill me! Please kill me!

kill

↓

Uh, Beth, uh, after dinner, could I maybe borrow Morty

beth borrow dinner morty

↓

to help the lost Rick get back to his primate-based reality?

based lost reality rick

↓

Morty, are you done with your homework?

homework morty

↓

Not all of it. Sorry, Dad.

↓

Oh, don't be sorry, sweetie. We're all in this together.

sweetie

↓

We're wasps, not monsters.

monsters

↓

[ Splat ] Aah!

↓

Huh, guess I don't have it as bad as I thought.

↓

Can you pass the acid?

acid pass

↓

Aah! No! Run! Run, my babies!

babies

↓

Bonus!

bonus

↓

[ Wailing ]

wailing

↓

Morty? Morty?

morty

↓

Where is that little shit? Morty!

morty

↓

Whoa, garage foul.

foul garage whoa

↓

Who said you could go through my stuff?

stuff

↓

W-Where's my Boglin?

↓

There you are. Don't worry, Pop-pop's back.

pops worry

↓

I'll keep you safe. What the --

safe

↓

He took my Meeseeks boxes! All that's left are these

boxes left meeseeks

↓

shitty Kirkland brand Meeseeks boxes.

boxes brand meeseeks shitty

↓

[ Poof ]

poof

↓

What do you want?

↓

Damn, your Morty sucks.

morty sucks

↓

Aah, wasps!

↓

Why the hell didn't you show Morty

morty

↓

how to bring my body back to life?

body bring life

↓

Don't tell me you gained sentience

gained

↓

and tried to take over. What?

tried

↓

That is some A.I., racist, accusatory,

racist

↓

Isaac Asimov bullshit right there.

bullshit isaac

↓

Then what happened? Where's my body?

body happened

↓

Oh, you're gonna love this.

love

↓

[ Beep ]

beep

↓

[ Creaking ]

creaking

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

[ Munching ]

↓

- I love you, Morty. - This is my life.

life love morty

↓

This is good.

↓

[ Crash ]

crash

↓

[ Roaring ]

roaring

↓

What do ya know?

↓

Our little Morty knows how to scream.

knows morty scream

↓

Oh, you're fucked now! I told you!

fucked

↓

Get him, Rick!

rick

↓

[ Growling ]

growling

↓

Aaaah!

aaaah

↓

Aah! I-I can't see my own death.

death

↓

H-How am I gonna die?!

↓

Shh, quiet, idiot. Quiet.

idiot quiet

↓

It's gonna be alright.

alright

↓

You don't get to know how you're gonna die.

↓

It's over. Oh, hey.

↓

This fucking ferrofluid's wrapping around my legs.

fucking legs wrapping

↓

Fuck! I can feel! I have mass!

fuck mass

↓

I'm a fucking god now! You're fucked!

fucked fucking

↓

What the fuck?

fuck

↓

I-I thought you were proud to be a hologram!

proud

↓

That's 'cause I had to fucking be one!

fucking

↓

[ Dramatic music plays ]

dramatic dramatic-music music music-plays plays

↓

Shit! Aaah!

aaah

↓

Ugh! Aaah!

aaah

↓

[ Splat ]

↓

[ Wasps buzzing ]

buzzing

↓

There's a lesson here,

lesson

↓

and I'm not the one that's gonna figure it out.

figure

↓

Hey, uh, sorry I didn't listen to you

↓

and tried to kill the whole world and stuff.

kill stuff tried whole whole-world world

↓

I guess I got to learn

learn

↓

how to live in the moment a little more.

live moment

↓

Oh, boy, so, you actually learned something today?

learned today

↓

What is this, "Full House"?

full full-house house

↓

I was living in the moment all day,

living moment

↓

and it kept getting me killed by Nazis.

killed nazis

↓

I think you have to think ahead and live in the moment.

ahead live moment

↓

Morty, we saw you on the news. Are you okay?

morty news

↓

Oh, real nice, Rick. Turning our son into an Akira?

real rick turning

↓

- Real nice. - Eat my ass, Jerry.

jerry real

↓

He turned himself into Akira.

turned

↓

Oh, I'll eat it, because this is my house, Rick.

house rick

↓

- I'll eat any ass I want. - Gross.

gross

↓

You said the crystals wouldn't hurt anyone, Dad.

hurt

↓

This family has a clean start.

clean family start

↓

I don't know if adventures fit into my son's life.

adventures life sons

↓

I'm fine. Get off Rick's back.

↓

Rick wasn't even here when I was doing all that stuff.

rick stuff

↓

That was all on me.

↓

Well, alright, Morty.

alright morty

↓

I guess, as long as you're okay, that's all we care about.

care

↓

I don't want to see any more anime stuff

stuff

↓

happening to my son, buster.

buster

↓

That finger has AIDs now. Not my fault.

aids fault finger

↓

[ Gasps ] You skipped HIV?

gasps skipped

↓

- He's messing with you, sweetie. - But it's tingling!

messing sweetie tingling

↓

So, I guess what we learned is to split the diff.

learned split

↓

From now on, Rick and Morty doing a little of this and a little of that.

morty rick

↓

Yeah, sometimes we'll do classic stuff.

classic sometimes stuff

↓

You know, other times, we'll do whatever!

times

↓

Sometimes we won't even do anything!

sometimes

↓

Rick and Morty do -- not doing anything!

morty rick

↓

A hundred years!

hundred years

↓

Rick and Morty, not sticking to one path.

morty path rick sticking

↓

Trying different things,

↓

Making sure to keep out of a rut.

↓

Doing stuff. Sometimes not doing stuff.

sometimes stuff

↓

Not even pushing a little bit towards the limit.

limit pushing

↓

Doing it alone or together. Making sure to keep our eyes

alone eyes

↓

on the prize. Sometimes just relaxing.

prize relaxing sometimes

↓

Or not. And you can do whatever the fuck you want, Morty.

fuck morty

↓

- That's the end. - Wait, wait, what the fuck?

fuck

↓

H-Hold on. What the fuck did you just say?

fuck

↓

Nothing. I didn't say anything.

↓

I was just playing along with you guys.

along playing

↓

You know I record everything, right?

record

↓

Garage, isolate Summer's voice and play back.

garage summers voice

↓

Oh, and then you guys can get married,

married

↓

and, like, suck each other off

suck

↓

in a testosterone-addled

testosterone

↓

fucking third-grade-boy cumfest.

fucking grade third

↓

What, the hell, Summer?! That's disgusting.

disgusting summer

↓

Fucking gross, Summer! Jesus Christ!

christ fucking gross jesus jesus-christ summer

↓

I was just joking around, you --

joking

↓

just seeing if you guys pay any attention to me.

attention seeing

↓

Just want to be a part of the fun.

fun part

↓

Get the fuck out of here!

fuck

↓

Get out of here, Summer!

summer

↓

- Fucking disgusting! - Get out of here!

disgusting fucking

↓

You ruined the Season 4 premiere!

premiere ruined season

↓

The Season 4 premiere, you ruined it!

premiere ruined season

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

God, tomorrow's career day.

career tomorrows

↓

I don't want to think about what I do when I get out of school.

school

↓

I know exactly what I want to do.

↓

I want to work in hospice.

↓

I want to comfort the people who are dying,

comfort dying

↓

who have no one else in their lives --

lives

↓

the real lonely people.

lonely real

↓

I'm gonna look at their name tags, and I'm gonna say,

name name-tags tags

↓

"I love you,"

love

↓

followed by whatever it says on their name tag,

followed name

↓

over and over.

↓

What the fuck?

fuck

↓

[ Locker slams ]

locker slams

↓

Hey, Morty, quick favor.

favor morty quick

↓

What, cover me in gasoline and spiders?

cover gasoline spiders

↓

Fine, yeah, I'm in.

↓

Wasn't my first pitch,

pitch

↓

but, hey, not gonna waste this opportunity.

opportunity waste

↓

Did you get any of that?

↓

♪♪