Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S12E08 — The Gang Tends Bar

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 12, Episode 8 — The Gang Tends Bar

Oh, that's fresh, dude. Yeah, that's real nice.

#1

⇓

Seriously, you're gonna bring that up again? Jerry, Jerry,

#2

⇓

Jerry... I'm so sick of hearing about Jerry, man.

#3

⇓

- Everything is "Jerry" out of your mouth. - Hey, hey, hey, uh,

#4

⇓

Charlie, I need a new keg. This one's tapped, buddy.

#5

⇓

Yeah, give me a second. Like, if Jerry jumped off a bridge

#6

⇓

would you jump off it, too?

#7

⇓

- Which bridge? - Guys, guys...

#8

⇓

- Which bridge, really? - Yeah, yeah.

#9

⇓

Guys, guys, please stop arguing, okay? Can you just...

#10

⇓

can you do your jobs today? We got a bunch of customers

#11

⇓

in here. I want to take advantage of it.

#12

⇓

Look, can you just tell him to get rid of Jerry first?

#13

⇓

I'm sorry, I don't even know who that is.

#14

⇓

- My tapeworm. - You have a tapeworm?

#15

⇓

And you named it?

#17

⇓

- Jerry. - Jerry.

#18

⇓

Yeah, okay, great. Look, guys, can we not do this?

#19

⇓

Can we not talk about worms

#20

⇓

or sewers or rats today, with all these people in here? We got a good thing going.

#21

⇓

Charlie, new keg.

#22

⇓

Well, I just think maybe I'm a little sensitive

#23

⇓

because it's Valentine's Day and I don't really

#24

⇓

want to hear about Jerry all day long.

#25

⇓

But, yeah, fine, what do you want, you want me

#26

⇓

to put pink ink in the beer or something,

#27

⇓

- make it all inky and pink? - I... No, no, no, no.

#28

⇓

are in here today because they don't have people who love them

#31

⇓

and get them shit on Valentine's Day. All right?

#32

⇓

So, can we not remind them of that with inky beer?

#33

⇓

All right, fine. Can you just tell him to get lost, then?

#34

⇓

And then we'll go back to the way things were.

#35

⇓

- Who? - Jerry.

#36

⇓

- The worm? - Yeah.

#37

⇓

You just described my ex-husband.

#39

⇓

- Oh... - Oh...

#40

⇓

- Yeah, he's a... He can't think, yeah. - That's pretty funny.

#41

⇓

Dee! Dee! Dee! Dee! Dee! Dee! Dee!

#43

⇓

Dee is in the house, uh, Dee is in the house,

#44

⇓

uh, Dee is in the house. Oh... Oh...

#45

⇓

Thanks for the chant, guys. What's up?

#46

⇓

Yeah, no, we were talking about the new Dee, the funny one.

#47

⇓

- Her? Why are you calling her Dee? - Yeah.

#48

⇓

Oh, well, she's like a new regular. She's been coming in here.

#49

⇓

You know, trying to make her feel more at home.

#50

⇓

- It's a nickname, short for Dottie. - Then call her Dot.

#51

⇓

Nah, we already started calling her Dee and it kind of stuck.

#52

⇓

You know, can't really change it now. It's locked in.

#53

⇓

That's my nickname, bitch. Don't you take my nickname.

#54

⇓

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!

#55

⇓

- You bitch! Get out of here! - What are you...

#56

⇓

Don't yell at the customers, okay? Look, we got a good thing going here, all right?

#57

⇓

We got a bunch of new customers in here.

#58

⇓

We got a regular, we might get more regulars.

#59

⇓

- Let's not screw this up. - Guys, guys.

#60

⇓

- I've got news, I've got glorious news. - Oh!

#61

⇓

Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac!

#62

⇓

Mac is in the house, Mac is in the house.

#63

⇓

Thanks for the chant, guys. Listen, I need everybody

#64

⇓

to drop everything and come out to the back alley.

#65

⇓

There is an unopened crate out there.

#66

⇓

- An un... an unopened crate? - Crate? Oh! Crate?

#67

⇓

- Hey, there's a crate! - Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

#68

⇓

- We got a crate. Let's go! - No.

#69

⇓

- What, what? - Stop, hey, stop!

#70

⇓

- What? What? - Stop! Stop.

#71

⇓

We got a bar full of customers here.

#72

⇓

So what? Oh! Oh, shit, okay, okay, you know what I'll do?

#73

⇓

Um, I can put a fan next to the yuck puddle,

#74

⇓

and the smell's gonna clear everybody out.

#75

⇓

I don't want to clear everybody out.

#76

⇓

I'm saying why are we running out of the bar to look

#77

⇓

It's about the mystery of what's inside the crate

#79

⇓

- that gets us. - Yeah, the straw.

#80

⇓

Yeah. Well, not the straw, though. No.

#81

⇓

No, not the straw. Whatever's in the crate, like...

#82

⇓

- Yeah, it's worth a look. - It's not worth a look.

#83

⇓

It's trash. There's nothing in there. There never is.

#84

⇓

This is what I'm saying. Why...

#85

⇓

out into the world, looking for riches and treasures

#87

⇓

when we've got everything we need right here.

#88

⇓

Oh, you're saying we do, like, a booze for money type scheme.

#89

⇓

- That's good. Who came up with that? - Was it me?

#90

⇓

Whoever invented the idea of a bar?

#91

⇓

Which is what we decided to do years ago

#92

⇓

when we bought this goddamn place. So, can we please,

#93

⇓

for once in our lives, not go chasing after crates?

#94

⇓

You know, and talk about worms?

#95

⇓

Right? Yelling at the customers and shit?

#96

⇓

Can we just do the one thing we've never tried?

#97

⇓

Can we just do our jobs?

#98

⇓

'89, good.

#99

⇓

Damn drunks.

#100

⇓

Rum and Coke, tequila soda.

#101

⇓

Pay me.

#102

⇓

All right, that's gonna be five.

#103

⇓

Out of 20.

#104

⇓

Yup.

#105

⇓

Aw, she wants another mojito.

#106

⇓

Looks like our regular's got herself a usual.

#107

⇓

You bet.

#108

⇓

Yo. I am all done with my work.

#109

⇓

Can we go check out that crate now?

#110

⇓

What? You're not done.

#111

⇓

Shit, how'd you know?

#112

⇓

Because the bar's still open.

#113

⇓

You're not done till we close.

#114

⇓

and check out that crate. Just the two of us,

#116

⇓

no one else has to know. Just to get it off our minds.

#117

⇓

It's not on my mind, okay? Let it go. Christ, five people

#118

⇓

have walked in here since we started this conversation.

#119

⇓

Can you go check their IDs so we don't get another

#120

⇓

underage drinking situation on our hands?

#121

⇓

- Just got my mind on that crate. - Right, well,

#122

⇓

- get your mind on your job. - Done, done, done.

#123

⇓

Done with my work.

#124

⇓

Oh, Christ, they're like dominoes. Frank, you're not done

#125

⇓

- until the end of the day. - I already cooked the books.

#126

⇓

How about you don't cook the books so we can actually tell

#127

⇓

- how the business is doing? - Oh, well...

#128

⇓

It's crazy. How are we ever gonna...

#129

⇓

Oh, the soda gun's clogged.

#130

⇓

Dude, can you go clear the lines for me?

#131

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Trick Charlie into doing it.

#132

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Well, I want you to do it.

#133

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I can't trick Charlie.

#134

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Charlie's pretending to ignore me because he's jealous of Jerry.

#135

⇓

I-I don't want you to trick Charlie.

#136

⇓

- I want you to clear the lines. - Speaking of Jerry,

#137

⇓

- break time. - What do you mean?

#138

⇓

Lunch.

#139

⇓

I'm craving salty,

#140

⇓

but Jerry likes sweet.

#141

⇓

What are you doing? Don't-don't

#142

⇓

reach your hands directly in the...

#143

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- This is sweet. - Oh, Jesus Christ, get out of here,

#144

⇓

Frank, you're an animal.

#145

⇓

He won't stop eating,

#146

⇓

- yet he's just wasting away. - Yeah.

#147

⇓

I mean, can you believe them?

#148

⇓

You know, I can't even play Night Crawlers with him anymore

#149

⇓

'cause he doesn't want to offend Jerry.

#150

⇓

I'm gonna stop you there, Charlie, because

#151

⇓

I've exhausted my daily quota of worm talk

#152

⇓

and worm-related issues. What are you doing?

#153

⇓

- Don't reach your hands in there! - Why not?

#154

⇓

Jesus Christ... Oh, God. Look,

#155

⇓

can you just... can you please go clear the lines for me?

#156

⇓

Are they clogged?

#157

⇓

Yeah.

#158

⇓

- Just trick Dee into it. - It's not a tri...

#159

⇓

See, this is the problem. You guys all think that work

#160

⇓

is tricking people. It's not. It's just your job.

#161

⇓

So, can you please go do it? In all the time

#162

⇓

that we've talked about tricking each other into doing our jobs

#163

⇓

we could've made 1,000 drinks.

#164

⇓

Yeah, maybe. All right,

#165

⇓

let me see if I can trick Mac into it first.

#166

⇓

Don't trick anybody, just do it... Oh, goddamn.

#167

⇓

I need two shots of whiskey.

#168

⇓

More shots of whiskey. Okay, yes, nice.

#169

⇓

Finally, somebody's actually working.

#170

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You know what, I appreciate that, Dee.

#171

⇓

- I appreciate you. - All right, what are you doing?

#172

⇓

No, no, no, no, no.

#173

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- That was a big one. Thank you. - The other one, too.

#174

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Yeah, that's what this is. Okay, so,

#175

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clearly, you're not busy, so, I need somebody

#176

⇓

to clear the lines. The soda gun's clogged.

#177

⇓

Did Charlie ask you to trick me?

#178

⇓

Trick you? No, the... It's not a trick.

#179

⇓

The soda gun is clogged, I cannot make drinks.

#180

⇓

I don't know. I don't trust Charlie today.

#181

⇓

You know, I made him a valentine.

#182

⇓

He hasn't given me shit yet in return.

#183

⇓

Why the hell did you do that? We don't do valentines anymore.

#184

⇓

I know, but we used to, and it was fun,

#185

⇓

you know? It was a goof.

#186

⇓

It wasn't a goof. You guys were supposed to give valentine's

#187

⇓

cards to each other, but instead you were just sticking hate mail

#188

⇓

in a suggestion box covered in hearts.

#189

⇓

I'll give it to you, though, it got a little nasty at the end.

#190

⇓

A little bit nasty?

#191

⇓

One of you put anthrax in the box.

#192

⇓

Or do you not remember the anthrax scare?

#193

⇓

Oh, ho, I remember the anthrax scare.

#194

⇓

To many, 9/18 was the delivery world's 9/11.

#195

⇓

That's a good point. No, I'm talking about

#196

⇓

a different anthrax scare, but it shouldn't concern you.

#197

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- Stop it! - She just talks too much.

#198

⇓

- Hey-oh! - Oh!

#199

⇓

- Cricket! - Cricket!

#200

⇓

- Cricket! - Hey, you guys mind

#201

⇓

if I go in the bathroom and smoke some PCP?

#202

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No, dude, you do you! Go for it.

#203

⇓

You do you!

#204

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You do you! You do you!

#205

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We don't judge, Cricket, we don't judge.

#206

⇓

What are you doing? Guys, guys, guys, what

#207

⇓

- in the hell are you doing? - Yeah, Cricket.

#208

⇓

Cricket. This has got to stop, you guys. This is nuts.

#209

⇓

We can't go around encouraging homeless men

#210

⇓

to smoke PCP in our restrooms,

#211

⇓

you know, trying to trick each other into doing our jobs

#212

⇓

and getting fired up at the mere mention of a crate.

#213

⇓

Oh, but it's just such a mystery, isn't it?

#214

⇓

- Cool crate. - Can't stop thinking about it.

#215

⇓

It really isn't though. It's just trash.

#216

⇓

It's trash that somebody left behind.

#217

⇓

Hey, but if it's mystery you want,

#218

⇓

you know, what about the mystery of the yuck puddle?

#219

⇓

What the hell is that thing, you know? Why won't it dry up?

#220

⇓

Why won't it harden?

#221

⇓

It shifts. I've seen it shift.

#222

⇓

He's seen it shift. You see, we shouldn't have

#223

⇓

an amorphous shifting blob in the bar, you know?

#224

⇓

So why don't you and Mac go solve

#225

⇓

that goddamn mystery by cleaning it up, you know?

#226

⇓

And, oh, what about the mystery of the clogged soda gun,

#227

⇓

you know? Dee, why don't you and Frank go solve

#228

⇓

that mystery by clearing the lines?

#229

⇓

Well, that's not such a mystery.

#230

⇓

And we could probably trick Cricket into doing it.

#231

⇓

Oh, why don't we just trick...

#232

⇓

Cricket doesn't work here though.

#233

⇓

- But that's free labor. - Yeah, yeah.

#234

⇓

- That's kind of better. - Getting him for free.

#235

⇓

You're not... you're not getting...

#236

⇓

Hey, just do your jobs!

#237

⇓

Just do your jobs.

#238

⇓

Why isn't it getting any smaller?

#239

⇓

Can I be honest, dude? I think this thing's alive.

#240

⇓

Oh, that must be what all the bubbling's about,

#241

⇓

'cause it's, like, trying to communicate.

#242

⇓

It definitely feeds. I've found bones in it, man.

#243

⇓

- So it wants to live. - Yeah, dude, I don't know

#244

⇓

what I'm gonna do during the next inspection,

#245

⇓

'cause I can't get rid of this thing.

#246

⇓

So Dennis has sent us in here to do the impossible.

#247

⇓

Absolutely. Dude, what is going on with him, right?

#248

⇓

Like, there's got to be something in this whole "do your job" angle.

#249

⇓

'Cause that doesn't sound like Dennis to me, you know what I mean?

#250

⇓

I know, dude. He's acting, like, so weird, especially towards me.

#251

⇓

I think it's because I'm gay and he's, like, totally uncomfortable with it.

#252

⇓

Well, no, 'cause he's known that forever, so it's, you know...

#253

⇓

Well, he may have suspected it before, but there's no way

#254

⇓

he could have known for sure. 'Cause I show no outward signs

#255

⇓

of being gay, and that's just the end of the story, all right?

#256

⇓

But, look, either way, he's been acting very distant towards me,

#257

⇓

and I feel like he sent me in here to punish me or something,

#258

⇓

because, I agree, the whole, like, "do your job" angle

#259

⇓

just seems, like, totally out of the blue, and, like...

#260

⇓

It's, like, a bullshit thing, right?

#261

⇓

- Like... - Unless... Oh, my God.

#262

⇓

What?

#263

⇓

Charlie, he doesn't want us to work at all.

#264

⇓

- He doesn't? - No.

#265

⇓

He doesn't want us to mop up the yuck puddle.

#266

⇓

- He wants us to "mop up the yuck puddle." - Oh!

#267

⇓

Of emotions.

#268

⇓

What?

#269

⇓

- It's a metaphor. - For what?

#270

⇓

He wants us to talk through our personal issues and be more open

#271

⇓

with our feelings because it's Valentine's Day.

#272

⇓

Oh! Weird. That doesn't sound like Dennis, but, uh...

#273

⇓

Go with me here, dude. Valentine's Day is an entire day

#274

⇓

dedicated to feelings, something that Dennis doesn't have.

#275

⇓

Right, that's true.

#276

⇓

And so that's why he hates Valentine's Day so much.

#277

⇓

But he's entrusted me, because I'm a gay man

#278

⇓

and clearly more sensitive than the rest of you,

#279

⇓

- to break down those walls. - Well, no, but okay. All right.

#280

⇓

- All right, cool. Yeah, yeah. - Yes, okay, so I'll share first.

#281

⇓

- Okay. - Okay. I have a huge surprise

#282

⇓

for Dennis, but I feel like he's not emotionally available to...

#283

⇓

Frank's gonna leave me for Jerry, man.

#284

⇓

Oh, uh, I was talking. But, uh,

#285

⇓

I guess we'll, um... we'll do your thing first.

#286

⇓

You know he's only doing this to get a rise out of you, right?

#287

⇓

Oh, that's so Jerry.

#288

⇓

No, not Jerry. Not the worm. Never the worm.

#289

⇓

We're talking about Frank, okay?

#290

⇓

If you just pretend to like the worm,

#291

⇓

then he'll probably just get rid of it.

#292

⇓

Oh, shit. You think so?

#293

⇓

I know so, buddy.

#294

⇓

- Nice, man. All right. - Yeah. Okay, now back to my thing.

#295

⇓

Yeah, that just gave me a great idea. Thanks, Mac.

#296

⇓

Charlie, if you just... You're not gonna let me talk?

#297

⇓

So, uh, you're gay, huh?

#298

⇓

For pay or for free?

#299

⇓

Uh, for free, I guess.

#300

⇓

Chump.

#301

⇓

It's taking forever.

#302

⇓

- Ugh. - Try sucking on the other end, maybe.

#303

⇓

I'm not sucking on the other end. Get that shit in my mouth?

#304

⇓

No, thanks. And what the hell's going on with Dennis?

#305

⇓

Since when does he care how the bar does?

#306

⇓

I don't know. It doesn't add up.

#307

⇓

I can't get a read on him these days. He's just always cranky

#308

⇓

and irritated.

#309

⇓

Rage-filled, rape-y.

#310

⇓

It's like, as the years go by, he just gets more and more irrational.

#311

⇓

Yeah, yeah.

#312

⇓

Especially with this whole "work the bar" angle.

#313

⇓

I mean, what is that?

#314

⇓

Unless...

#315

⇓

Oh, my God.

#316

⇓

Dennis doesn't want us to work the bar.

#317

⇓

- He doesn't? - No! He wants us to work on ourselves.

#318

⇓

What the shit are you talking about?

#319

⇓

Just go with me here. It's Valentine's Day, right,

#320

⇓

a day we all used to love and enjoy until we turned

#321

⇓

on each other with the hate mail.

#322

⇓

Dennis wants us to work through our personal issues

#323

⇓

so we can enjoy Valentine's Day again.

#324

⇓

- I got it. - Yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna go first.

#325

⇓

I'm so mad at Charlie, because I made him a valentine,

#326

⇓

and, you know what, he didn't even really...

#327

⇓

I gave myself Jerry on purpose.

#328

⇓

Well, I was right in the middle of a sentence, but... what?

#329

⇓

I gave myself the tapeworm.

#330

⇓

Well, that is the most disgusting thing I've... How,

#331

⇓

- you're wondering. - No, I don't. No, thanks.

#332

⇓

I bought poop on the dark Web

#333

⇓

and stuffed it up my butt to lose weight.

#334

⇓

Jesus Christ. Uh, that's enough.

#335

⇓

Well, it took about four ounces of it.

#336

⇓

- That's enough! I don't want to know! - With the tip of a teaspoon.

#337

⇓

- Okay... Frank! - How else?

#338

⇓

Stop answering questions I'm not asking, okay?

#339

⇓

I'm done, I'm done.

#340

⇓

I had to hold my knees above my head for a half hour

#341

⇓

- and clench my sphincter. - Stop! Stop!

#342

⇓

Charlie, I'm mad, and I think we need to clear the lines.

#343

⇓

Huh? Uh, just-just trick somebody else into it.

#344

⇓

No, that's not what I'm...

#345

⇓

Wh-What are you doing?

#346

⇓

I'm trying to write a valentine. I just...

#347

⇓

Oh. Okay.

#348

⇓

Uh, okay. Well, I'll just, uh, let you finish.

#349

⇓

- Didn't mean to interrupt. - Okay.

#350

⇓

I also got you a box of chocolates, so...

#351

⇓

Right.

#352

⇓

Oh, oh! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Dee, Dee, Dee.

#353

⇓

- Yeah. - Um, can you think

#354

⇓

of a word that rhymes with "Jerry"?

#355

⇓

- What? - I can't think of one.

#356

⇓

Are you making a valentine for Frank's tapeworm?

#357

⇓

Well, not if I can't think of a word that rhymes with "Jerry."

#358

⇓

- You son of a bitch. - What?

#359

⇓

- I can't believe you don't know! - I have no idea!

#360

⇓

Oh, and literally everything rhymes with "Jerry," okay?

#361

⇓

- Scary, hairy, Mother Mary quite contrary. - Oh, oh, shit, yeah, okay, good.

#362

⇓

Woozy, woozy. Woozy from sucking lines.

#363

⇓

Ho.

#364

⇓

All right, Frank, Frank, Frank, before you do another thing,

#365

⇓

- I wanted to give you a valentine. - Unbelievable! Right in front of me?

#366

⇓

- You did? - Yeah-huh.

#367

⇓

Well, it's for both of you guys, but these, these are just for Jerry.

#368

⇓

- No. - Charlie. Oh.

#369

⇓

- Oh, that's so sweet. Thank... - You dick.

#370

⇓

- You shouldn't have. Mmm. - No! No, he didn't.

#371

⇓

Listen to me, I got these for him, all right? So no.

#372

⇓

- I got these. - Our blood sugar's low.

#373

⇓

Oh, guess what, I bought these for him.

#374

⇓

You fool!

#375

⇓

- It's so good, Charlie. - Those chocolates

#376

⇓

that you're so gleefully devouring

#377

⇓

are chock-full of Bye-Bye Jerry pills.

#378

⇓

You wouldn't.

#379

⇓

Oh, but I would, Frank.

#380

⇓

You see, I knew you'd never take the pills willingly.

#381

⇓

But Jerry...

#382

⇓

Jerry likes sweet, doesn't he?

#383

⇓

You poisoned me.

#384

⇓

No. No, he poisoned me.

#385

⇓

At worst, you're properly medicated.

#386

⇓

You son of a bitch.

#387

⇓

- Charlie. - Bye-bye...

#388

⇓

Jerry!

#389

⇓

I'm poisoned. Poisoned!

#390

⇓

I'm poisoned.

#391

⇓

What are you doing?

#392

⇓

- We've been poisoned. - No, No.

#393

⇓

No, no, no, nobody's been poisoned.

#394

⇓

- They're just... - And there's plenty more poison

#395

⇓

where that came from!

#396

⇓

- Uh, there is no... - So, don't even think

#397

⇓

about trying to get another worm, Frank.

#398

⇓

And there are no-no worms.

#399

⇓

- Nobody has worms. - Well, not anymore

#400

⇓

they don't.

#401

⇓

Don't leave. Please, don't leave.

#402

⇓

Guys, what are you doing?

#403

⇓

Take this discussion someplace else.

#404

⇓

No, I'm good because I've had a great Valentine's Day.

#405

⇓

Bye-bye, Jerry.

#406

⇓

Are you serious?

#407

⇓

You son of a bitch, Charlie.

#408

⇓

You screwed me, okay?

#409

⇓

- What are you talking about? - You know what? Screw you, Charlie!

#410

⇓

I'm not gonna let some worm beat me on Valentine's Day.

#411

⇓

- Don't talk about... - Why are you going on and on about it?

#412

⇓

I did this for you, Charlie.

#413

⇓

What?

#414

⇓

I gave myself Jerry on purpose.

#415

⇓

Why would you do that?

#416

⇓

To slim down for you.

#417

⇓

Why would you... why would you slim down for me? What?

#418

⇓

Because I overheard you on the phone saying,

#419

⇓

"He got flabby."

#420

⇓

No, no, no, buddy.

#421

⇓

I never said that.

#422

⇓

I sa... I-I-I said you were crabby

#423

⇓

because you smelled crabby...

#424

⇓

'cause you've been eating

#425

⇓

all those sewer crabs, man, but...

#426

⇓

- Take it outside. - It was a compliment. I love when you

#427

⇓

smell like crab, Frank.

#428

⇓

Take the conversation someplace else.

#429

⇓

Okay? Don't do it here.

#430

⇓

You didn't think I was too fat?

#431

⇓

Well, no, you were fat as shit, pal,

#432

⇓

but I loved you that way, Frank.

#433

⇓

Fat and crabby.

#434

⇓

So, you want to try and get this

#435

⇓

dead worm out of me?

#436

⇓

I would love to pull that dead worm out of you.

#437

⇓

Yeah? Come on. Come on, now oh...

#438

⇓

Stop, stop! Goddamn it, stop. What are you guys doing?

#439

⇓

- Huh? - What are you talking about?

#440

⇓

Getting the worm.

#441

⇓

You're gonna talk about pulling a dead worm out of his ass?

#442

⇓

Don't do that. Please, don't talk about these things.

#443

⇓

Now, by the grace of God,

#444

⇓

we somehow still have Dottie here

#445

⇓

so, please, don't scare her away.

#446

⇓

Sorry, Dottie.

#447

⇓

- Who's ready to die, bitches? - Dee...

#448

⇓

No. What are you doing with the Valentine's box?

#449

⇓

- Put that down. - All right, just think

#450

⇓

about what you're doing, Dee.

#451

⇓

I know exactly what I'm doing.

#452

⇓

Okay, okay, fine. Dee, just don't mention...

#453

⇓

- I am busting out the anthrax. - No!

#454

⇓

- And I'm out. - Dottie, no.

#455

⇓

No, you don't have to go.

#456

⇓

- Oh, God damn it! - Charlie.

#457

⇓

I'm getting a goddamn valentine

#458

⇓

right goddamn now, or so help me God...

#459

⇓

I will end us all.

#460

⇓

No, don't. Give the bitch what she wants.

#461

⇓

I'm so frustrated right now.

#462

⇓

Okay, fine, Dee. You know what I'm gonna do?

#463

⇓

I'm gonna sing you a song.

#464

⇓

Okay? A Valentine's Day song?

#465

⇓

All right? Is that... will that work?

#466

⇓

- Fine. Sing a song. - Okay.

#467

⇓

Uh... a Dee song.

#468

⇓

- Nothing rhymes with Dee. - Every...

#469

⇓

Everything rhymes with Dee.

#470

⇓

I mean, literally, everything rhymes...

#471

⇓

Okay, fine. I'll-I'll think of things.

#472

⇓

Okay, j-j-just relax. Uh, uh...

#473

⇓

Dee...

#474

⇓

You're sweeter than a bee... tle

#475

⇓

- Just say bee. - Uh, bee.

#476

⇓

Right? I didn't think of that. Uh...

#477

⇓

You're the honey that the bee... makes

#478

⇓

You're the...

#479

⇓

Sugar on the pound... carrot

#480

⇓

What's a pound carrot?

#481

⇓

Go with pound cake.

#482

⇓

Cake! Right, good. Uh...

#483

⇓

You make life sweet, Dee

#484

⇓

You make

#485

⇓

Life sweet for... I

#486

⇓

A-and I...

#487

⇓

Love... you.

#488

⇓

Thanks, Charlie.

#489

⇓

You can't rhyme very well, but...

#490

⇓

That was...

#491

⇓

that was really...

#492

⇓

Really pathetic.

#493

⇓

What?

#494

⇓

I wrote a couple words on a construction paper,

#495

⇓

pink and red, and you sing a heart song

#496

⇓

for me?

#497

⇓

You made me do it!

#498

⇓

Yeah! And you said you loved me!

#499

⇓

- Ew! - You bitch!

#500

⇓

Look, that song was derivative of a song I wrote

#501

⇓

- for the waitress, anyway, then. - Yeah, but guess what?

#502

⇓

Frank, grab that anthrax!

#503

⇓

Grab it! Grab it!

#504

⇓

- Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! - Stop! Stop! Stop.

#505

⇓

What are you... what are you guys doing?

#506

⇓

All right, this is nuts! This is crazy!

#507

⇓

I mean, I-I-I can't believe we blew another opportunity

#508

⇓

to have a working bar.

#509

⇓

To have a successful business together!

#510

⇓

Because you assholes get so worked up over Valentine's Day,

#511

⇓

the dumbest holiday that ever existed!

#512

⇓

But I thought you were trying to get us to focus

#513

⇓

on ourselves and focus on Valentine's Day.

#514

⇓

What?

#515

⇓

Are-are you insane?

#516

⇓

I... All I've been saying is to please focus on the bar!

#517

⇓

But you just couldn't do it!

#518

⇓

Dennis, I got to say, I feel like this is

#519

⇓

just about something else.

#520

⇓

It's not about something else, it's...

#521

⇓

- The bar is fine. - Yup.

#522

⇓

- This is... something else is up. - It's always fine, yeah.

#523

⇓

You know what it is?

#524

⇓

This is 'cause you hate Valentine's Day.

#525

⇓

It's not because I hate Valentine's Day.

#526

⇓

- It's because I-I just want... - No, that's what it is.

#527

⇓

He's trying to distract us from Valentine's Day.

#528

⇓

I'm not trying to distract anybody from Valen...

#529

⇓

Yeah, you know why, though, you guys?

#530

⇓

It's because he doesn't have any feelings and we do.

#531

⇓

Yeah, because we have feelings and you don't,

#532

⇓

and that's why you hate Valentine's Day.

#533

⇓

Oh, stop! God damn it!

#534

⇓

I hate Valentine's Day because

#535

⇓

you assholes never got me anything!

#536

⇓

Okay, and I have feelings!

#537

⇓

Of course I have feelings!

#538

⇓

I have big feelings, okay?

#539

⇓

A-and it hurts.

#540

⇓

Okay, so...

#541

⇓

so... that's why I hate Valentine's Day,

#542

⇓

and that's why I put anthrax in the box.

#543

⇓

That was you?

#544

⇓

Yes, it was me.

#545

⇓

I just...

#546

⇓

I just wanted it to stop.

#547

⇓

Okay? And it's powdered sugar, by the way.

#548

⇓

- Oh, he's already eating it. - I knew that.

#549

⇓

Dennis.

#550

⇓

What?

#551

⇓

I got the crate.

#552

⇓

- So what? - Open it.

#553

⇓

I'm not gonna open a goddamn crate, Mac!

#554

⇓

There's nothing in it!

#555

⇓

Just open it.

#556

⇓

You want me to open the crate? I'll open the goddamn crate.

#557

⇓

If it'll get you to stop focusing on it and get you

#558

⇓

to stop focusing on this goddamn

#559

⇓

Valentine's Day bullshit.

#560

⇓

I don't know why

#561

⇓

you're so excited about this goddamn thing.

#562

⇓

There's never anything insi...

#563

⇓

- What is this? - It's a gift. I got it for you.

#564

⇓

For me?

#565

⇓

Yeah.

#566

⇓

You, uh...

#567

⇓

You got this for me?

#568

⇓

I ordered it off the dark Web.

#569

⇓

I wanted it to be a surprise.

#570

⇓

Yeah.

#571

⇓

And how did you, um...

#572

⇓

How did you know that I wanted an RPG?

#573

⇓

'Cause I know you, man.

#574

⇓

Also, you casually mention RPGs, like, a weird amount.

#575

⇓

- Is this true? - Yeah.

#576

⇓

You were talking about rocket launchers today,

#577

⇓

- I think, yeah. - That was today.

#578

⇓

This is, uh...

#579

⇓

This is cool.

#580

⇓

I still think Valentine's Day is

#581

⇓

a bullshit holiday, but, um...

#582

⇓

...this is nice.

#583

⇓

Want to shoot it?

#584

⇓

Yes.

#585

⇓

Where's the rocket?

#586

⇓

Yeah, that should be,

#587

⇓

uh... shit, I... there's no rocket.

#588

⇓

- No rocket in there? - There's no rocket?

#589

⇓

Ah, there's no rocket!

#590

⇓

They forgot to put the rocket in there!

#591

⇓

Dude, I'm so sorry!

#592

⇓

Mac, I don't care.

#593

⇓

I love it.

#594

⇓

You figured out the one thing I wanted more than anything else

#595

⇓

in the entire world and you got it for me.

#596

⇓

And...

#597

⇓

...it's perfect.

#598

⇓

Happy Valentine's Day.

#599

⇓

Yeah.

#600

⇓

Charlie, let's go get this worm out of my ass.

#601

⇓

- Let's do it, man. All right. - Okay.

#602

⇓