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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S12E07 — PTSDee

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 12, Episode 7 — PTSDee

TMDB episode metadata

Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Episode title: PTSDee

Air date: February 15, 2017

Director: Jamie Babbit

Top billed cast: Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Rob Mac, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

Dee dates a male stripper and tries to prove her worth after learning she's his "rock bottom." Elsewhere: Mac and Frank get sucked into a VR war game, leading Mac to develop a case PTSD.

Source: TMDB

↓

Come on, this way.

↓

It sounds like it got quiet out there.

quiet sounds

↓

Yeah.

↓

Shit! Frank! There's somebody here.

frank somebody

↓

Is anybody here?

anybody

↓

Speak up, we will shoot.

shoot speak

↓

Wait, hold your fire, Frank! It's just a kid.

fire frank

↓

Hey, boy. Is that water for us?

water

↓

Jesus Christ, Frank, you just killed a kid!

christ christ-frank frank jesus jesus-christ jesus-christ-frank killed

↓

Eh.

↓

Jesus Christ!

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

I'm gonna give him CPR.

↓

Now, is he blowing someone? What is happening?

blowing

↓

- Yeah, looks like it. - Jesus Christ,

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

Frank, he was just trying to give us water, man!

frank water

↓

Forget it, he's dead.

dead forget

↓

You can't go around killing kids!

kids killing

↓

Think about his mom and his dad.

↓

- How long they been playing this for? - Oh, dude.

playing

↓

- Three straight days. - They've been playing this

days playing straight three

↓

- for three days? - Yeah, absolutely.

absolutely days three three-days

↓

No. No, they've just been wandering around the bar,

wandering

↓

blowing kids, doing whatever they're doing, you know?

blowing kids

↓

- Frank, behind you! - Is this where we're headed?

behind frank headed

↓

As a world? Know what I mean. As a society?

society world

↓

Hey, uh, have any of you seen my guy yet?

seen

↓

- What is this, now? - What? Who?

↓

- What do you want to tell us? Tell us. - Oh, I just

↓

totally hooked up with this super hot

hooked super

↓

- Oh, you're dating a stripper. - Mmm-hmm.

dating stripper

↓

- Wow, gross. - Gross? If you guys started

gross started

↓

dating a stripper, you'd be bragging about it for days.

bragging dating days stripper

↓

Uh, she's talking about Channing Tatum.

↓

- He's an actor. - What do I know him in?

actor

↓

- Well, he plays G.I. Joe. - Oh!

plays

↓

- Oh, G.I. Joe's the shit. - Yeah, yeah.

joes

↓

Well, then say G.I. Joe, don't make up a name.

name

↓

All right, you know what, whatever. It doesn't matter.

matter

↓

Anyway, we had this really amazing connection

amazing connection

↓

- Makes me want to throw up. - Yeah.

makes throw

↓

is happening right now? I think the guy's

↓

coming by because you stole his watch.

coming stole watch

↓

Oh, right, you jacked his wallet or something,

jacked wallet

↓

so he'd come over and you...

↓

- Yeah. - To get him to talk to you again.

↓

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

↓

- Hello. Hey. - Hey, Mike.

mike

↓

Thanks for calling me.

calling thanks

↓

- Yeah. Thanks for coming by. - So you have my watch?

coming thanks watch

↓

- Oh... - Yeah. Just diving straight into that?

diving straight

↓

Listen, um, I'm really glad you called, though.

called glad

↓

Thank you for last night.

night

↓

Yeah. It's like we were having sex and the whole time...

having whole

↓

- Yeah. - I was like, "What's become of me?"

become

↓

You know, all I do is I strip all night,

night strip

↓

I play video games all day, I have meaningless sex with strangers.

games meaningless strangers video video-games

↓

My own daughter won't even talk to me, you know? So I was like... "Damn."

daughter

↓

Oh.

↓

That's why I was crying.

crying

↓

Oh. Right, yeah.

↓

- Yeah. - But don't take it personally.

personally

↓

No. Because it... Why would it be?

↓

- All right, cool. - It's...

cool

↓

- Yeah, cool. - Cool, 'cause it really

cool cool-cool

↓

helped me realize I got to give that lifestyle up.

helped lifestyle realize

↓

- Oh... - So thank you.

↓

You're welcome.

welcome

↓

Dee?

↓

- Yeah. - Cool.

cool

↓

Now, can I get that watch, or...

watch

↓

- Dee, I think he just wants his watch. - I think he needs his...

needs wants watch

↓

- Yeah, I understand. - Oh, yeah, yeah.

↓

Rock bottom? Me? Uh, hey, buddy, how about when

bottom buddy rock rock-bottom

↓

your daughter stopped talking to you,

daughter stopped

↓

I'm not rock bottom.

bottom rock rock-bottom

↓

You know what I am? I'm a rock.

rock

↓

Dee is a rock. In fact, I'm the type of gal

fact rock type

↓

who makes men's lives better.

lives makes mens

↓

Hey-o! You guys mind if I shower in that leaky urinal again?

leaky mind shower urinal

↓

Well, that... Don't count that. That's not a good example.

count example

↓

No, I got to do something about this, God damn it.

↓

tell you something right now.

↓

Sweet Dee is a rock.

rock sweet

↓

God damn it, Frank, you shot a woman.

frank shot woman

↓

Who cares? Jesus Christ, man,

cares christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

I got to take a break.

break

↓

It's driving me insane.

driving insane

↓

Come on, how are we gonna win if you keep quitting?

quitting

↓

I don't care!

care

↓

- Yeah. Yeah. - This is pathetic.

pathetic

↓

Dee can't handle a little rejection.

handle rejection

↓

Mac's banged up over

banged macs

↓

- Yeah. - It's...

↓

because he gets to take his clothes off

clothes

↓

in front of a bunch of horny ladies.

bunch front horny ladies

↓

And then he has sex with one disgusting bird.

bird disgusting

↓

- Yeah. - Come on, man,

↓

- that's not trauma. Not real trauma. - Nah. It's not even that bad.

real trauma

↓

I mean, if anything, that's insulting to people

insulting

↓

- who have experienced real trauma. - I think it is. Yeah.

experienced real trauma

↓

I mean, like you, for instance.

instance

↓

Uh, me?

↓

Well, yeah. Sure, man. I mean, you grew up fatherless.

fatherless grew

↓

You were raised by a woman who was basically a prostitute.

prostitute raised woman

↓

Well, the father stuff was real. Yeah, without a doubt.

doubt father real stuff

↓

Got some daddy issues there. And you, too. I mean,

daddy daddy-issues issues

↓

like, you know, what happened with you

happened

↓

with Ms. Klinsky, the librarian. I mean, you were raped.

librarian raped

↓

And that's got to affect you.

affect

↓

- That's trauma. - Will you stop? Why do you guys...

trauma

↓

That wasn't a rape, okay?

rape

↓

- It was. - That was a mutual... No, stop.

mutual

↓

She's an older woman, you were a younger...

older older-woman woman younger

↓

A woman can't rape a guy.

rape woman

↓

An older woman can rape a younger...

older older-woman rape woman younger

↓

- Doesn't matter. That's not the point. - Right, right. This is separate, yeah.

matter point separate

↓

it's not the point. The point is, yeah, fine, I'll do it.

point

↓

You'll do what?

↓

I'll strip. Yeah.

strip

↓

Huh. I didn't realize you were talking about that.

realize

↓

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Huh.

↓

You know, if this Mike fella wants to walk away

fella mike walk wants

↓

from an amazing stripping career, hey, I'll take up that mantle.

amazing career mantle stripping

↓

You know, frankly, I'm a little disappointed

disappointed frankly

↓

in myself for not thinking of it before.

thinking

↓

- You know? It just makes sense. - Right, yeah.

makes makes-sense sense

↓

Here's the thing, man. I can't do it without you.

↓

I need you to get my back.

↓

Oh, uh, you want me to strip with you?

strip

↓

Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no. I... No, I just literally

↓

need you to have a look at my back, you know,

↓

make sure there's no moles or, like, unsightly hairs,

hairs

↓

- bumps, zits, that kind of thing. - Ah, yeah...

bumps

↓

- And then, you know, get after it. - Yeah, I'll clean you up.

clean

↓

All right, all right, I can do that.

↓

Cool, man. You be my boy?

cool

↓

Yeah, I'll be the boy.

↓

Well, just be my bag boy.

↓

You know, carry around my lotions, my oils, my scents, my razors.

carry

↓

Cool, man. Chill.

chill cool

↓

- Yeah, that's cool, right? - Yeah, that's cool, bro. Cool.

cool

↓

Frank, where are you, man? I can't see.

frank

↓

Jesus Christ.

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

Oh, who's there? Oh...

↓

Hey, boy.

↓

How you doing, man?

↓

No! Baba!

baba

↓

- Mama! - Oh, shit!

mama

↓

Oh, no, man! I'm so sorry, man.

↓

Hey, son.

↓

Dad? What are you doing here? How did you get in the game?

game

↓

Guess we

↓

won't be having that catch

catch having

↓

after all.

↓

You were gonna have a catch with me?

catch

↓

I was, but

↓

you killed me, son.

killed

↓

I love...

love

↓

Wait! Wait, Dad! Who do you love? Dad, who do you love? Wait.

love

↓

Dad, who do you love? No, Dad! No!

love

↓

What the hell?

↓

Oh, was that a dream?

dream

↓

Dennis?

dennis

↓

Oh, my God, I just had the weirdest dream.

dream weirdest

↓

- What? - Frank.

frank

↓

Look, I can't sleep. I'm having nightmares.

having nightmares sleep

↓

- Dead kids, dads. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Mac.

dads dead kids whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

Slow down. What are you saying?

slow

↓

I got to quit the game, dude. I can't

game quit

↓

- do this anymore. - No, no, no.

anymore

↓

Don't quit just yet.

quit

↓

- Look, have a drink and calm down. - Okay, fine.

calm drink

↓

I'll calm down. I'll drink some whiskey or something.

calm drink whiskey

↓

Yeah, stuff it down with brown.

brown stuff

↓

That's the best way to deal with things.

best deal

↓

Okay.

↓

Kid's a mess.

kids mess

↓

God damn it, Charlie, we're 30 minutes late.

charlie late minutes minutes-late

↓

I'm so sorry I cut your back so many times, man.

times

↓

- What happened? - I was nervous, dude.

happened nervous

↓

- Why? - I've never cut such a muscular back.

muscular

↓

- Thanks, man. - Yeah. Dude, your back looks great, man.

thanks

↓

I'm working hard.

hard working working-hard

↓

Dude, you're putting the work in, and it's showing, man.

putting showing

↓

Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.

appreciate

↓

- But let's not talk about it in there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

↓

Don't bring it up.

bring

↓

Can you walk me through what your guy is again?

walk

↓

Okay, so here's the deal.

deal

↓

Who do girls want to have sex with more than anybody else?

anybody girls

↓

- Jugglers. - Jug...

↓

- Dudes who can, like, juggle things. - I know what a juggler is.

dudes

↓

You know, with the fire sticks and the balls.

balls fire sticks

↓

Yeah. No, they don't want to have sex with a juggler.

↓

They want to have sex with their dads.

dads

↓

- Weird. - Yeah, it is weird, so I'm a dad.

weird

↓

Oh. Okay, cool. Oh, and I'm your boy.

cool

↓

- All right, that works. - Well, no. What? Why would you be my boy?

works

↓

Oh, you said I was gonna be your boy 'cause I have daddy trauma,

daddy trauma

↓

and then I didn't realize I was gonna be your boy

realize

↓

in there, but that works great.

works

↓

No, that doesn't make any sense.

sense

↓

How would you be my...

↓

I'm their dad. How could I also be your dad?

↓

We can't all be related. Christ, Charlie,

charlie christ christ-charlie related

↓

- you're not making any sense, man. - Right, right.

sense

↓

Yeah, I mean, you could have a lot of kids, I guess.

kids

↓

I got to say, though, I'm looking inside there,

looking

↓

and this isn't making sense to me.

sense

↓

I mean, these are all older women. Might be

might older women

↓

a little bit hard for me to pull off the dad thing at all.

hard pull

↓

- That's not a good play. - I'm getting a bad feeling about this.

feeling

↓

Hey, do you think maybe that's 'cause

↓

- of your librarian trauma? - You're talking about Ms. Klinsky?

librarian trauma

↓

- Yeah, she was an older woman, and... - What? No. There was...

older older-woman woman

↓

Let's not talk... Can we stop talking about trauma

trauma

↓

- and cuts on peoples' backs? - Yes.

backs cuts peoples

↓

And let's... It's not sexy, okay?

sexy

↓

- Okay, yeah, well, then let's split. - Okay.

split

↓

- All right, let's go. - All right, man.

↓

Are you the stripper?

stripper

↓

- Oh, uh, yeah, that's him. - Uh...

↓

- What, are you 40? - Yup.

↓

Fine. You guys'll do, I guess.

↓

You guys? No. Sorry. I'm just the boy.

↓

- The what? - Sorry. I'm his boy.

↓

Well, you're not my boy. He's not...

↓

Are you gonna stand out here and talk like little bitches,

bitches stand

↓

or are you gonna come inside and take your dicks out for money?

dicks money

↓

Daddy?

daddy

↓

Don't call me Daddy.

daddy

↓

Yeah, my generation, we drank our problems away.

drank generation problems

↓

But since you softies like to talk about everything,

↓

I figured this was a good thing to do.

figured

↓

A PTSD support group, Frank?

frank group ptsd support support-group

↓

Yeah. Maybe you'll get some help,

↓

- we can finish the damn game. - What's up, dicks?

dicks finish game

↓

What the hell are you doing here?

↓

Well, because I am a rock and not a rock bottom, I decided

bottom decided rock rock-bottom

↓

to reach out to Mike and see if I could get him some help

mike reach

↓

with, uh, some of these issues he's been having.

having issues

↓

I'm confused. Is this a PTSD meeting for vets?

confused meeting ptsd vets

↓

Mmm-hmm, yeah. You're a military guy, right?

military

↓

No. It was just my stripper character.

character stripper

↓

Really? Oh, I just figured you based

based figured

↓

- your characters off past experiences. - Why?

characters experiences past

↓

Okay, look, I'm not gonna pass myself off as a vet, Frank.

frank pass

↓

- Yeah, I don't feel good about this. - Well, then just don't talk.

↓

You don't have to talk. Just sit down.

↓

Okay, everybody, let's grab a chair, let's get this started.

chair everybody grab started

↓

- Probably not gonna call on you anyway. - Okay, right off the bat,

↓

I can see we got some newcomers

↓

here today. You guys want to introduce yourselves?

introduce today yourselves

↓

Ugh. God damn it.

↓

Uh, I'm Frank.

frank

↓

I've been around the block, seen some action.

action block seen

↓

I was in 'Nam for a while.

↓

Private sector mostly.

mostly private sector

↓

I did shoot a couple of dinks

couple shoot

↓

who tried to jack some sneakers off the factory floor.

factory floor jack sneakers tried

↓

No big deal. I don't feel nothing about it.

deal

↓

I'm just here to support my buddy.

buddy support

↓

Uh...

↓

Hello. I'm Dee. I'm a rock. I'm here with this guy.

rock

↓

There was a bit of a mix-up about his military credentials,

military

↓

but, uh... Whatever.

↓

Now he's under the delusion that he's hit rock bottom,

bottom rock rock-bottom

↓

you know, and I just don't see how that's possibly true,

possibly

↓

so we're gonna straighten that up while we're

straighten

↓

sitting here today, you know.

sitting today

↓

Mac's being a pussy!

macs pussy

↓

He doesn't want to fight anymore!

anymore fight

↓

I'm not being a pussy.

pussy

↓

I just don't want to kill women and children.

children kill women

↓

How do I get him to stop thinking of them as real people?

real thinking

↓

Mike's embarrassed about his dancing, and I just... I don't get that.

dancing embarrassed mikes

↓

I don't... How is that rock bottom behavior?

behavior bottom rock rock-bottom

↓

You know? Think of Channing Tatum.

↓

Can you please explain Channing Tatum to him?

explain

↓

- I'm not sure I follow... - Oh, yeah. He's G.I. Joe.

follow

↓

Mac can't sleep at night.

night sleep

↓

He's having erotic nightmares and shit.

erotic having nightmares

↓

- He doesn't know what's real anymore. - Yeah.

anymore real

↓

Mike's embarrassed about his video game-playing, which makes

embarrassed game makes mikes playing video video-game

↓

no sense to me, 'cause you know what? Video games are hard.

games hard sense video video-games

↓

- You ever play Fallujah? - Beat it five times.

beat five five-times times

↓

- You want to play with me? - I'm actually trying to get away from it.

↓

Well, what if he paid you?

paid

↓

- Ten bucks an hour. - 20.

bucks hour

↓

- Deal. - Wow. Really?

deal

↓

Well, will you look at that? Now we're getting somewhere, huh?

↓

That couldn't have happened without your rock, could it?

happened rock

↓

Wait a second, Frank. What about me?

frank second second-frank

↓

You're out. Dishonorable discharge.

discharge

↓

I'm sorry. What is happening here?

↓

- Doesn't matter. We're done with you. - Yeah, we're good.

matter

↓

- Hey, son. - Dad?

↓

What are you doing here?

↓

I broke out of jail and came straight to see you.

broke jail straight

↓

- Because you love me? - 'Cause I'm gonna kill you, son.

kill love

↓

What? Oh. Oh, no!

↓

What... What's happening?

↓

When did I get here? How long have I been asleep?

asleep

↓

You got here, like, five minutes ago. You've been asleep for 35 seconds.

asleep five five-minutes minutes seconds

↓

Oh, Jesus Christ, I'm losing my mind.

christ jesus jesus-christ losing mind

↓

- I mean, I'm actually going insane. - You know,

insane

↓

we're all having a little bit of a hard time right now.

hard having

↓

But we got to fight fire with fire,

fight fire

↓

and Charlie and I refuse to be defeated by this.

charlie defeated refuse

↓

We're gonna win this war.

↓

- What war? - The war on women!

women

↓

Women, man!

women

↓

There's a war on women? Can I get in on that?

women

↓

Bro, it's been raging

raging

↓

since the beginning of time, bro.

beginning

↓

- Oh. - And we're losing ground.

ground losing

↓

Phone!

phone

↓

Hello.

↓

Ah, yeah.

↓

Uh, yeah, is youse Daddy and the Boy?

daddy youse

↓

Uh, yes, it is. Boy speaking.

speaking

↓

Oh.

↓

Yeah. Uh, I hear youse are rule good.

rule youse

↓

Well, yeah, that is true.

↓

Well, I've got a party for you.

party

↓

- Um, Daddy wants to speak with you. - Yeah.

daddy speak wants

↓

Yeah, this is Daddy. What's the gig?

daddy

↓

Uh, yeah, a giant party. Tons of sorority girls.

giant girls party sorority sorority-girls tons

↓

Sorority girls. Oh, sorority girls. Nice.

girls sorority sorority-girls

↓

Did you just lick your hand? Yeah, that...

hand lick

↓

That sounds good. Um, listen, a few new ground rules, though.

ground ground-rules rules sounds

↓

I'm a bad dad now. And, uh,

↓

the Boy's also gonna be dancing with me.

boys dancing

↓

Okay. Uh, whatever. Uh, uh...

↓

Yeah, we need Mike. We need him.

mike

↓

- Mike? Why do you want Mike, Dee? - What? You knew it was me?

mike

↓

Of course I knew it was you. Who else does accents so poorly?

accents course poorly

↓

- The accents were terrible. - All right, look, I just...

accents

↓

I want him to have fun, make a ton of money,

fun money

↓

party with a bunch of sorority girls, you know?

bunch girls party sorority sorority-girls

↓

I need to show him that this is a great life.

life

↓

This is not a rock-bottom life.

bottom life rock rock-bottom

↓

We'll do it at Paddy's. It'll be a win-win.

itll paddys

↓

Make a ton of mon...

↓

Yes. Okay.

↓

What? Hello?

↓

God damn it.

↓

This is good. This is good.

↓

Young girl sorority girls. It's, like, age-appropriate for me,

appropriate girl girls sorority sorority-girls young young-girl

↓

you know? Not like those perverted librarians.

perverted

↓

- Cougars. Whatever, man. - Yeah.

↓

And it's gonna be on our home turf. Like, Paddy's.

home paddys turf

↓

- Whoa. And with Mike, we'll be like a... - Oh.

mike whoa

↓

We'll be like an elite stripping dance force, like a unit, man.

dance elite force stripping unit

↓

- Dude, we're gonna look good, man. - Yeah, man.

↓

- We're gonna win this war. - Oh, hell yeah.

↓

- We're gonna win this war on women. - Oh, yeah.

women

↓

You know what, Mac, maybe we could use you after all.

↓

- He's asleep. - Yeah, he's out.

asleep

↓

It's amazing! I can't believe they have zombies

amazing believe zombies

↓

on the final level!

final level

↓

I love zombies. Ghouls, too. I love ghouls.

ghouls love zombies

↓

Right now, if we can just make it to that second box

second

↓

over there, we can grab the all spark coin

coin grab spark

↓

and we can win the game.

game

↓

Can win the game.

game

↓

Can win the game.

game

↓

Frank? Where are you, man? I can't see.

frank

↓

Shit! Frank!

frank

↓

Frank. Frank.

frank frank-frank

↓

Frank! Frank!

frank frank-frank

↓

Oh. What happened?

happened

↓

Where am I?

↓

Oh, you're in the back office. You passed out

office passed

↓

playing the game, dude. We dragged you back here so you could sleep.

dragged game playing sleep

↓

Oh, Mac. I think I was too hard on you.

hard

↓

I think I got PTSD, too.

ptsd

↓

- Oh, no. We don't have that. - Huh?

↓

Yeah, I actually slept about ten hours last night, dude,

hours night slept

↓

and I feel great.

↓

I think we were just suffering from sleep deprivation.

sleep suffering

↓

Well, where's Mike? I want to finish the game.

finish game mike

↓

Oh, we finished the game. Yeah, like, right after

finished game

↓

you passed out, Mike and I just got in there.

mike passed

↓

- Dude, it was awesome. - Do you want to do it again?

awesome

↓

No, I don't want to play anymore.

anymore

↓

Well, where's Mike? I'll do it with him.

mike

↓

He's out, too. Yeah, he's doing

↓

some weird stripping thing with Dennis and Charlie.

charlie dennis stripping weird

↓

I only woke you up 'cause I figured you'd want to see it.

figured woke

↓

- Yeah? - Yeah.

↓

I really appreciate you getting me this gig. I mean, truthfully,

appreciate

↓

I don't think I was ready to give this lifestyle up.

lifestyle ready

↓

Of course not. Why would you? You're really good

course

↓

at dancing. That's nothing to be ashamed of.

ashamed dancing

↓

Listen, you like video games? I got you paid for it.

games paid video video-games

↓

You're a great stripper? I got you this gig.

stripper

↓

- You know what I'm gonna do for you next? - What?

↓

I'm gonna reunite you with your daughter.

daughter

↓

- Oh, man. - Yep.

↓

Look, I really appreciate everything you've done.

appreciate

↓

It really, really means a lot to me.

↓

Eh, well, you just needed your rock.

needed rock

↓

- Fire it up. All right. No, feels good. - Smell good? Everything poppin'?

feels fire smell

↓

- What do you think? Like how it smells? - It looks good.

smells

↓

- You can't see the blood. It's patched up. - Okay, good.

blood

↓

- What do you think about my prop, hmm? - That's really cool.

cool prop

↓

- A little kid licking that up there. - What-what am I smelling?

licking smelling

↓

- Cheese. Yeah, yeah. - Is that made of cheese?

cheese

↓

- I painted the rest with magic marker. - Oh, Christ.

christ magic marker painted rest

↓

Why did you make a cheese lollipop? It stinks.

cheese lollipop stinks

↓

- For my nerves. Yeah. - That smells horrible.

horrible nerves smells

↓

Oh, God. There's nothing sexy about cheese. Put it away.

cheese sexy

↓

Ladies,

ladies

↓

are we ready to party tonight?

party party-tonight ready tonight

↓

So am I.

↓

All right.

↓

We're gonna see some skin tonight. Yeah.

skin tonight

↓

Scars and all. This, actually, is a real scar, too.

real scar scars

↓

And I got a good story behind that.

behind story

↓

This is, uh... They took out the kidney, actually,

kidney

↓

from the front... A Chinaman. And he did not know

front

↓

how to do it, I'll tell you that much.

↓

Cricket was a bad idea, huh?

cricket idea

↓

Yeah, I know. But we needed that, like, you know,

needed

↓

- McConaughey emcee-type. - Yeah. But looks like we got

type

↓

AIDS Dallas Buyers Club McConaughey,

aids buyers club dallas

↓

- not Magic Mike McConaughey. - That is what he looks like.

magic mike

↓

It's a good crowd, though. It's a good crowd. All right, well...

crowd

↓

That was the first time that I really thought,

↓

"Hey, I might actually, uh...

might

↓

"I might die, and no one's gonna remember."

might ones remember

↓

All right! Hey!

↓

Let's, uh, keep it movin'.

movin

↓

Keepin' it real, keepin' it sexy, and takin' back the power,

power real sexy takin

↓

let's give it up for Daddy and the Boy!

daddy

↓

Hey, Boy, let's have a catch.

catch

↓

My child arrived

arrived child

↓

Over here, Pop.

↓

Hey. Good throw, son.

throw

↓

I love you, Dad!

love

↓

- I love you, too, son. - Oh?

love

↓

And even though I never even said it enough.

↓

- What is this? - I wasn't a good... Shh!

↓

I wasn't a good father to you, and I regret that now.

father regret

↓

No, that's fine, because now is our chance to connect.

chance connect

↓

This is super weird.

super weird

↓

Hey! Shush, all right?

shush

↓

This is our thing. We have the power. You don't talk.

power

↓

All right, you know what, Dad, don't listen to them,

↓

'cause we're gonna win this war.

↓

- This is not sexy! - Just take something off!

sexy

↓

You know, you take something off!

↓

All right, look, it's too hot for baseball.

baseball

↓

I'll take my clothes off now. I think.

clothes

↓

- Okay! - Yeah, now we'll take our clothes off.

clothes

↓

Yeah!

↓

Wait, wait, son, don't. Don't. They're laughing.

laughing

↓

Don't take your clothes off if they're laughing. We have the power.

clothes laughing power

↓

- It's not a joke! - It's not a joke, all right? This is sexy.

joke sexy

↓

Oh, stop, sto... Oh, you know what?

↓

You might want to check your programs 'cause I'm bad dad now.

check might programs

↓

I'll take you to your goddamn room.

goddamn room

↓

- I'll bend you over my knee. - Take your dicks out!

bend dicks knee

↓

All right, listen to me. This is it, this is what you were made for.

↓

Now you get out there and save the day, soldier.

save soldier

↓

This is about a father and a son

father

↓

- whose relation... - Oh, come on!

↓

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...

moment waiting

↓

Soldier Boy Mike.

mike soldier

↓

Everybody got 'em Everybody got 'em

everybody

↓

Everybody got 'em Everybody, everybody

everybody everybody-everybody

↓

Everybody got 'em Everybody got 'em

everybody

↓

Everybody got 'em Everybody, everybody

everybody everybody-everybody

↓

Everybody got 'em Everybody got 'em

everybody

↓

Everybody got 'em Everybody, everybody

everybody everybody-everybody

↓

Everybody got 'em Everybody got 'em

everybody

↓

Everybody, every...

everybody

↓

- Dad? - Oh! Janie?

↓

- Oh! - Your cock was in my face!

cock face

↓

Oh, God, I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to!

↓

You're disgusting! My finger touched your asshole!

asshole disgusting finger touched

↓

Never talk to me again!

↓

I got you!

↓

I got you. I'm your rock bottom?

bottom rock rock-bottom

↓

I'm your rock... That's your rock bottom,

bottom rock rock-bottom

↓

sticking your dick in your daughter's face, you son of a bitch.

bitch daughters dick face sticking

↓

- Why would you do that? - Get out of here!

↓

That's my daughter!

daughter

↓

Oh.

↓

Yes!

↓

- Wow. - Jesus Christ.

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

Wow, Dee, that was dark. That's like the darkest thing

dark darkest

↓

you've ever done. You know what that was?

↓

- That was your rock bottom. - Yeah.

bottom rock rock-bottom

↓

- Yeah. - Whatever.

↓

Feel good. I don't want to talk about it.

↓

I don't want to talk about my thing. You want to talk about your thing?

↓

No, no, let's not. You know what we should do? Let's just, uh...

↓

let's just get drunk. Let's not talk about trauma.

drunk trauma

↓

Or deal with any of that shit.

deal

↓

Let's just have a good time and get drunk, huh?

drunk

↓

Stuff it down with some brown.

brown stuff

↓

And the cat's in the cradle

cats cradle

↓

And the silver spoon

silver spoon

↓

Little boy blue and the man in the moon

blue moon

↓

"When you coming home, Dad?" "I don't know when

coming coming-home home

↓

"But we'll get together then

↓

"You know we'll have a good time then"

↓

My son turned ten just the other day

turned

↓

He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on, let's play

ball thanks

↓

"Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today..."

teach throw today