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Home » Rick and Morty » S03E02 — Rickmancing the Stone

Rick and Morty

Season 3, Episode 2 — Rickmancing the Stone

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Rickmancing the Stone

Air date: July 30, 2017

Director: Dominic Polcino

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Rick, Morty and Summer travel to a post-apocalyptic dimension and meet some dangerous enemies.

Source: TMDB

↓

Ohh!

↓

Summer, next time we're hiding in a Colorkian echo nest,

echo hiding nest summer

↓

can you do me a favor and turn your ringer off?

favor

↓

It's called "carpe diem," Morty.

called morty

↓

- Look it up. - You look it up!

↓

Y-Y-You don't even -- You don't even know what it means!

↓

That's because losers look stuff up

losers stuff

↓

while the rest of us are carpin' all them diems.

rest

↓

Listen to your sister, Morty.

morty sister

↓

To live is to risk it all.

live risk

↓

Otherwise, you're just an inert chunk

chunk otherwise

↓

of randomly assembled molecules

↓

drifting wherever the universe blows you.

blows drifting universe

↓

Oh, I'm sorry. Jerry, I didn't see you there.

jerry

↓

H-How much of that did you hear?

↓

All of it. You were looking right at me.

looking

↓

[ Sighs ] I just wanted to say goodbye to the kids.

goodbye kids sighs wanted

↓

Cool. Just stay in the driveway.

cool driveway

↓

The killbots are live, and I took you off the white list.

list live white

↓

W-We'll see you every other weekend, though, right?

weekend

↓

Absolutely, Morty.

absolutely morty

↓

A-And your Mom's lawyer says

lawyer moms

↓

if I can get enough in the settlement,

settlement

↓

he can help me sue for full custody.

custody full

↓

Th-That'll be nice.

thatll

↓

- Uh, Summer, Dad's leaving. - Bye, Dad.

dads leaving summer

↓

Rick, didn't you say you needed my help

needed rick

↓

on an adventure immediately somewhere else --

adventure immediately

↓

I don't care -- even if it might kill us?

care kill might

↓

I did not, but if you're really that alienated,

↓

I'm as willing to exploit it as the next guy, church, army,

army church exploit willing

↓

or Olympic gymnastics trainer.

olympic trainer

↓

I'm ready when you are.

ready

↓

Bitch, I was ready yest--

bitch ready

↓

Bye, sweetie.

sweetie

↓

Well, I-I better...

↓

Sure. Sounds important.

sounds

↓

If you're looking for our kids,

kids looking

↓

your father did a-a portal, uh...

father portal

↓

Okay.

↓

[ Birds chirping ]

birds birds-chirping chirping

↓

[ Wind whistling ]

whistling wind

↓

[ Wind chimes tinkling ]

chimes wind

↓

Wind: [ Soft voice ] Loser.

loser soft voice wind

↓

What?

↓

Hello?

↓

♪♪

↓

[ Whooping ]

whooping

↓

[ Gunshots ]

gunshots

↓

Morty, shoot the Mohawk guy!

morty shoot

↓

- They all have Mohawks! - High fade,

fade

↓

chartreuse with cyan highlights, layered on top.

highlights

↓

Shoot him!

shoot

↓

[ Gunshot ]

gunshot

↓

Ah!

↓

Light them up.

light

↓

Ahh!

↓

[Bleep] Get in the game, Morty!

bleep game morty

↓

Give me your flask!

↓

Holy shit! Summer for the win!

holy summer

↓

I fucking love post-apocalyptic versions of Earth!

earth fucking fucking-love love post versions

↓

[ Monitor beeping ]

beeping monitor monitor-beeping

↓

Here we go!

↓

Isotope 322.

↓

This stuff's so powerful, Morty,

morty powerful stuffs

↓

it makes Isotope 465

makes

↓

- look like Isotope 317. - Uh-huh, yeah.

↓

Is it powerful enough to keep those guys from murdering us?

murdering powerful

↓

- Summer! - Hold on.

summer

↓

I want to try something.

↓

Rick, can we not leave without my sister?

rick sister

↓

Ugh. You have infinite sisters, Morty.

infinite morty sisters

↓

I mean, n-not that I want to spend the rest of my day

rest spend

↓

looking for another one.

another looking

↓

"Sum-sum," let's go!

↓

Grandpa's concern for your safety is fleeting!

concern grandpas safety

↓

Your blood will be my lotion.

blood lotion

↓

Whoa. That was cool.

cool whoa

↓

[ Groaning ]

groaning

↓

Kill me, please.

kill

↓

Okay, but not because you told me to.

↓

Summer!

summer

↓

Okay. Getting darker.

darker

↓

Jesus Christ. Summer!

christ jesus jesus-christ summer

↓

Aw, come on.

↓

Hands and little shoulder-mounted dudes

dudes hands shoulder

↓

where I can see them.

↓

I am Hemorrhage.

↓

You have removed weak blood from us and made us stronger.

blood removed stronger weak

↓

We can combine our strength and feast on the weak together.

combine feast strength weak

↓

Wh-Wh-What in the hell are you saying?

↓

They don't have to keep trying to kill us if we join them.

join kill

↓

- They're basically pussies. - What is your deal lately?

deal lately pussies

↓

All right, let's get sloppy.

sloppy

↓

- [ Power surges ] - Oh, whoa.

power whoa

↓

Uh, uh, what's, uh --

↓

What's that little bauble you got back there?

↓

Th-Th-That's interesting.

interesting

↓

That is our glowing rock.

glowing rock

↓

We carry it with us for desecration,

carry

↓

to remind us there are no gods.

gods remind

↓

[ Monitor beeping ]

beeping monitor monitor-beeping

↓

Kids, weird pitch --

kids pitch weird

↓

let's have this be our new life.

life

↓

Let's be post-apocalyptic scavengers!

post

↓

- Okay. - What?

↓

[ Rock music plays ]

music music-plays plays rock rock-music

↓

[ Indistinct conversations ]

conversations indistinct

↓

Grandpa, some of the Death Stalkers

death grandpa

↓

are going to what used to be Seattle

seattle used

↓

to hunt what used to be people.

hunt used

↓

- I'm going. - Sounds good. Stay hydrated.

hydrated sounds

↓

Listen, Rick, Summer's been acting pretty crazy lately.

acting crazy lately rick summers

↓

You know, I mean, I-I think the divorce is affecting her.

affecting divorce

↓

And, you know, I don't think this is

↓

a great place for her to be right now.

place

↓

Oh, get off your high horse, Professor Ski Lodge.

horse professor

↓

This world may be rough around the edges,

edges rough world

↓

but it's got its charms.

charms

↓

Bicep or quadricep?

bicep

↓

Uh [clears throat] bicep.

bicep clears clears-throat throat

↓

[ Flesh sizzles ]

flesh

↓

Seriously, Rick?

rick

↓

Is it really easier to eat human flesh

easier flesh human

↓

than to just tell me why we're still here?

↓

No. Okay, I'll level with you.

level

↓

You see that green rock, Morty?

green morty rock

↓

It's about 20 pounds of the stuff

pounds stuff

↓

I was getting all hard for a flake of.

flake hard

↓

Isotope 322.

↓

Well, having a 20-pound boulder of it

having pound

↓

is better than having a flake.

flake having

↓

I can explain the math to you later, but --

explain math

↓

Summer just ran off with strangers

strangers summer

↓

that have "Death" in their name,

death name

↓

and the rest of their name was "Stalkers."

name rest

↓

Huh, could be therapeutic for her.

↓

She has been acting pretty crazy lately, Morty.

acting crazy lately morty

↓

I mean, her parents are going through a divorce --

divorce parents

↓

God damn it, Rick, that's what I -- Fine.

rick

↓

Just grab the stupid thing while I grab her,

grab stupid

↓

and let's get the "F" out of "H."

↓

No, no, no. Morty, there's too much heat on the bogey.

heat morty

↓

I need you to distract the camp.

camp distract

↓

"Distract"? They eat each other.

distract

↓

What -- What do you want me to do to get their attention,

attention

↓

put on a puppet show?

puppet

↓

Right idea, wrong genre, Morty.

genre idea morty

↓

The equivalent here would be...

↓

Hey, you guys ever use that Thunderdome,

↓

or do you just put it up for decoration?

↓

Uh, you mean the Blood Dome?

blood dome

↓

Save it for the Semantics Dome, E.B. White.

dome save white

↓

- Ohh, burn! [ Fingers snap ]

burn fingers snap

↓

The important question is,

question

↓

who wants to take a poke at my man Spine Eater here?

eater poke spine wants

↓

[ All cheering ]

cheering

↓

I guess I'll see your asses in that dome!

asses dome

↓

Rick, what the hell, man?

rick

↓

Wh-What are you, out of your mind?

mind

↓

Morty, relax. You're gonna be a ringer.

morty relax

↓

Come here.

↓

This device extracts and redistributes muscle memory.

device memory muscle

↓

I'm giving your body a 10-year course in wasteland combat

body combat course giving

↓

- one limb at a time. - Ow!

limb

↓

I'm working with a mixed bag here,

mixed working

↓

so you may not have perfect coordination, Morty -- Ugh!

morty perfect

↓

- Hey! - I-I didn't do that!

↓

Okay, this is exciting.

exciting

↓

We're making some discoveries about muscle memory.

memory muscle

↓

Ooh! Help! Help!

↓

- Oh, sweet, man! [ Indistinct shouting ]

indistinct indistinct-shouting shouting sweet

↓

And so it begins, my pretties!

begins

↓

Oh, God! Stop! Stop! This is horrible!

horrible

↓

Just stick and mo[belches]ve, Morty!

belches morty stick

↓

Wear him out!

wear

↓

[ Snarling ]

snarling

↓

How come you guys dress like

dress

↓

you're in a theme-park stunt show,

park stunt theme

↓

but these guys wear khakis and hockey jerseys?

hockey wear

↓

After the boom-boom, some adapted to the new truth,

boom truth

↓

and some chose to huddle near the boomy holes,

chose holes huddle near

↓

clinging to the lie of the before-fore times.

clinging times

↓

The raidy-rays rotted them away,

rays

↓

leaving only their love

leaving love

↓

for the vert-vert-isements on billyboards.

↓

Jesus Christ.

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

Did the boomy-booms blow up all your wordy-word books?

blow books booms word

↓

You mean dictionaries?

↓

[ Groaning, snarling ]

groaning snarling

↓

I think I was a child before the boom-booms.

boom booms child

↓

I think I looked like this.

looked

↓

Want to piss on him?

piss

↓

Get out of my head.

head

↓

Eli: Ha ha! Whoo!

whoo

↓

Unbelievable!

unbelievable

↓

A new champ!

champ

↓

Okay, no more!

↓

And he wants more!

wants

↓

No, I don't!

↓

Someone, make this stop!

↓

Mister, please get out of here, or you're gonna die!

mister

↓

I have nothing to do with this!

↓

Morty.

morty

↓

Why would you want this to happen?

happen

↓

All you had to do was go away!

↓

Stop standing in the driveway talking about custody!

custody driveway standing

↓

And either tell her you want to stay married

married

↓

or get on with your life, but whatever you do,

life

↓

stop being a baby and act like a man!

baby

↓

[ Spectators cheering ]

cheering

↓

[ Panting ]

panting

↓

Thank you.

↓

Morty, that was amazing!

amazing morty

↓

This is my brother!

brother

↓

Not that family means anything!

family

↓

This family does.

family

↓

All right. Good job, champ.

champ

↓

Um, can I talk to you kids for a second over yonder?

kids second

↓

Rick, I-I-I think I'm breaking through to something here.

breaking rick

↓

C-Can we not leave just yet?

↓

- Leave? - I'm not leaving.

leaving

↓

There is no "leave."

↓

We are united, or we are enemies.

enemies united

↓

Oh, big guy, no. Nobody's leaving.

leaving nobodys

↓

Don't be stupid.

stupid

↓

We love being united.

love united

↓

W love the radiation, the trichinosis.

love

↓

We're in it for life,

life

↓

which I assume is around 20 years, average.

assume average years

↓

I just need a quick aside with my grandkids,

aside grandkids quick

↓

about 40 yards from anyone else.

yards

↓

Hey, the Green Rock is gone!

gone green rock

↓

- Oh, no! - Uh, I know --

↓

why don't we all split up and look for it in groups of three?

groups split three

↓

Kids?

kids

↓

Ohh.

↓

We'll be right back.

↓

Grandpa, you're being stupid!

grandpa stupid

↓

Just surrender, and our friends will give you mercy!

friends mercy surrender

↓

Kiss my ass, Summer!

kiss summer

↓

Your friends have no mercy! They're lame!

friends lame mercy

↓

Death Stalkers, bring me his flesh leather!

bring death flesh leather

↓

[ Squeals ]

squeals

↓

Sorry, but can we not kill him?

kill

↓

C-Can we just take him prisoner?

prisoner

↓

When did I lose control here?

control lose lose-control

↓

Listen to me -- both of you kids

kids

↓

need to get out of this environment

environment

↓

so we can properly deal with your parents' divorce!

deal divorce parents properly

↓

Alternatively, I have a freaking portal gun,

freaking portal

↓

and I can leave the two of you here forever!

forever

↓

Why does it have to be such a dramatic choice?

choice dramatic

↓

Can't we arrange a thing where we spend weekends here

arrange spend weekends

↓

or -- or visit home to do laundry?

home laundry visit

↓

All right, you know what?

↓

[Bleep] it!

bleep

↓

My body is chrome!

body chrome

↓

My blood is gasoline!

blood gasoline

↓

Nope. Regular blood.

blood nope regular

↓

- Dad? - Hi, sweetie.

sweetie

↓

- Where are the kids? - Oh, th--they aren't with you?

kids

↓

I thought they were with you.

↓

Oh, y-you know what? Uh, I just remembered.

remembered

↓

They're out doing something

↓

completely ordinary and kid-related.

completely ordinary related

↓

- Don't panic. - Not panicked at all. Just --

panic panicked

↓

Oh, God, what's the divorce doing to the kids?

divorce kids

↓

What's it doing to me? Did I make a mistake?

mistake

↓

Not a mistake, no!

mistake

↓

I mean, not that I have a horse in this race,

horse race

↓

but this divorce decision -- listen -- mwah! --

decision divorce mwah

↓

good for you, good for the kids.

kids

↓

I mean, honestly, I think that they're flourishing.

↓

I mean, you'll see, when -- when -- when you see them,

↓

that -- that they're totally flourishing.

↓

[ Cheering ]

cheering

↓

Booyah! Fuck you, pal!

booyah fuck

↓

Who else wants some?

wants

↓

Who wants to be my pussy of a dad today?

pussy today wants

↓

Hey, what's -- what's wrong, man?

↓

You're not getting weak on me, are you?

weak

↓

[ Spectators murmuring ]

murmuring

↓

What?

↓

Wait a minute.

minute

↓

[ Woman screams ]

screams woman

↓

[ Indistinct shouting ]

indistinct indistinct-shouting shouting

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

What's the matter, you piece of crap?

matter piece

↓

Haven't you ever watched your family burn to death before?

burn death family watched

↓

[ Laughs evilly ]

laughs

↓

Now I'm gonna whip you. Huh!

whip

↓

It can't be.

↓

It can't be!

↓

- I was just following orders! - Whoa, whoa!

following orders whoa

↓

- I was just following orders! - Ahh!

following orders

↓

I'll tell you where my boss lives!

boss lives

↓

He's in the castle! He's in the castle!

castle

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

This isn't over, is it?

↓

That means, no, it isn't over,

↓

or you disapprove of the question?

question

↓

Uh, m-make a fist if this isn't over.

fist

↓

This isn't over.

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

Hey, sorry my Grandpa stole your god and ruined your car.

grandpa ruined stole

↓

We don't apologize, and we have no god.

apologize

↓

But this cracked driveshaft brings me great pain.

brings cracked pain

↓

There is no deeper bond

bond deeper

↓

than the one between a Death Stalker and his car.

death

↓

What about the weird guys on leashes, then?

weird

↓

They're more like... interns.

interns

↓

Cool, cool.

cool

↓

[ Helmet clangs ]

clangs helmet

↓

Sorry.

↓

It's okay.

↓

Can I...see?

↓

No one has seen my true face and lived.

face lived seen

↓

Well, I'm not afraid to die,

afraid

↓

and I don't care what you look like.

care

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

Oh.

↓

Hmm?

↓

I just...

↓

I didn't expect you to have a mustache.

expect mustache

↓

- You hate it. - No. I like it.

hate

↓

I guess -- How do I explain this?

explain

↓

A metal bucket is, on a certain level, a kind of "mustache,"

bucket certain level metal mustache

↓

in that it's a specific facial accessory.

facial specific

↓

So, it's kind of like --

↓

Do you guys have the phrase "hat on a hat"?

phrase

↓

- I can shave it. - No. I like it.

shave

↓

And obviously what I like shouldn't matter.

matter obviously

↓

It's you.

↓

Yeah, yeah, I know, a-and nothing does matter.

matter

↓

Obviously, I know that. I'm not weak.

obviously weak

↓

I'm just thinking, "Well, why not get rid of this?"

thinking

↓

You just kill everyone that sees it, and it's --

kill sees

↓

and it's hot under here, wh-which, by the way,

↓

is why I shave the beard part.

beard part shave

↓

So, right there, I'm making a decision based on vanity,

based decision vanity

↓

which is what I was trying to avoid

avoid

↓

with the whole bucket over the head

bucket head whole

↓

because who am I and why am I grooming myself?

grooming

↓

Why don't I just wear a tie, right?

wear

↓

I mean, it's like that guy you killed when I met you,

killed

↓

with the burnt dolls on his body.

body burnt dolls

↓

I hated that guy, because, why -- why are you doing that?

hated

↓

And how can you not see how fake that is?

fake

↓

And the whole time, I'm the same thing.

whole

↓

I'm just a fake mess, and there's no escaping it

fake mess

↓

- because -- - Mmm.

↓

[ Both moaning ]

moaning

↓

Hey, I'm doing a coffee run -- Never mind.

coffee mind

↓

[ Metal squeaking ]

metal squeaking

↓

- [ Power surges ] - I am Summer.

power summer

↓

Summer, state your deal.

deal state summer

↓

My deal is that I am, like, totally fine.

deal

↓

Morty? Aw, geez, I'm so down with my parents' divorce, dawg.

dawg divorce geez morty parents

↓

Like, don't even trip, like, in a healthy way.

healthy trip

↓

All right. It's dinnertime.

dinnertime

↓

[ Slurps ] Thanks, everybody,

everybody slurps thanks

↓

for sitting down for a real dinner.

dinner real sitting

↓

Together: No problem.

problem

↓

Its benefits are totally, like, less about the food

benefits food less

↓

than the emotional nourishment.

emotional

↓

Uh, okay, weirdo.

weirdo

↓

[ Chuckles nervously ]

chuckles chuckles-nervously nervously

↓

Yeah, dial it back, Summer...

dial summer

↓

by 15% and increase dynamic movement by 3%.

dynamic increase movement

↓

- Am I right? - How's school, Morty?

morty school

↓

I like school and stuff, kind of.

school stuff

↓

And I'm getting better grades than when you and Dad were --

grades

↓

quote mode -- "staying together for the kids."

kids mode quote staying

↓

End quote mode.

mode quote

↓

"Quote mode." I like that.

mode quote

↓

You millennials.

↓

Are you guys millennials, or are they like 40 now?

↓

All I know is, totally, you look great.

↓

Aw, geez, Mom, you look all kind of great and stuff.

geez stuff

↓

- It's crazy. - So happy.

crazy happy

↓

So happy. Happy family, man.

family happy

↓

We got this family in the bag.

family

↓

Oh. [ Cries ]

cries

↓

Oh, sweetie, d-don't. Listen. Don't --

sweetie

↓

I don't know why I'm crying. It's not...

crying

↓

Well, try... crying 15% less?

crying less

↓

Mom, emotions are human.

emotions human

↓

You're not, like, a computer inside a mechanical doll.

computer doll

↓

Yeah. Geez, Mom.

geez

↓

Your feelings are not only forgivable,

feelings

↓

they are the very meaning of life

life meaning

↓

that only pre-silicon, carbon-based entities

based carbon silicon

↓

can ever grasp.

grasp

↓

- I have to call Jerry. - You do?!

jerry

↓

What the [bleep] is wrong with you two?

bleep

↓

The point of automation is to reduce cost and labor.

cost labor point reduce

↓

Your feelings are coming from a...

coming feelings

↓

[ Power fades ] Tell it to my bread in the morning.

bread fades morning power

↓

You just became my backup toaster.

backup became toaster

↓

[ Chuckles ] Aw, geez,

chuckles geez

↓

my sister died in the spaghetti. [ Power fades ]

died fades power sister spaghetti

↓

[ All grunting ]

grunting

↓

Graze my genitals again, Taint Washer,

genitals taint washer

↓

and you'll be shipped to the wasteland.

shipped

↓

And as for you, Genital Washer --

genital washer

↓

Ahh! Oh!

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

Oh, God. Look, whoever you are,

↓

you should know that killing me won't change a thing.

change killing

↓

L-Look, man, I'm just along for the ride on this one.

along ride

↓

You know, y-y-y-y-you're preaching to the choir here. [ Knuckles cracking ]

choir cracking knuckles

↓

Please. Slavery was a family business.

business family slavery

↓

I didn't ask to be born into it.

born

↓

If anything, I'm the victim here.

victim

↓

Uh, "Armathy," can I steal you for a second?

second steal

↓

E-E-Excuse us, sir.

excuse

↓

So, this is it, isn't it?

↓

This is the guy?

↓

So, does that mean you'll be going away?

↓

Like, does it work like a ghost?

ghost

↓

Like, is -- is this your unfinished business?

business

↓

Wh-What if we... didn't do it?

↓

What if we just went back to the Blood Dome

blood dome

↓

and just kept taking our baggage out on unrelated people?

baggage unrelated

↓

I mean, w-we could do that forever.

forever

↓

I mean, I-I know it's less healthy,

healthy less

↓

but w-w-we'd be together and...

↓

I mean, I-I know what I'd vote for,

vote

↓

if you're feeling out the room.

feeling room

↓

[ Sighs ] You're right.

sighs

↓

We both got to see our stuff through.

stuff

↓

I got to deal with my parents' divorce,

deal divorce parents

↓

and you got to, you know, do what you got to do.

↓

I love you.

love

↓

Aw fuck.

fuck

↓

[ Gasping ]

gasping

↓

[ Glass clinking ]

clinking glass

↓

- Rick? - Sorry, sorry.

rick

↓

I-I-I can wait for this to wrap up.

wrap

↓

Don't let me distract you.

distract

↓

Yeah, well, too late. Just tell me what you want.

late

↓

I want you and your sister to come home.

home sister

↓

Oh, but -- don't -- don't you have

↓

infinite versions of me and my sister?

infinite sister versions

↓

You don't have to kick me while I'm down, Morty.

kick morty

↓

Look, there's no replacing either of you

replacing

↓

without an amount of work that would

amount

↓

ultimately defeat the purpose.

defeat purpose ultimately

↓

Maybe the lesson we've learned is that,

learned lesson

↓

whether it's our parents' marriage,

marriage parents whether

↓

a glowing green rock, or an awesome, giant arm,

awesome giant glowing green rock

↓

sooner or later, we got to let it go.

sooner

↓

I don't know if that applies

↓

to the throats of murder victims, Morty.

morty murder throats victims

↓

Shit! Wh-Wh-Wh-What do I --

↓

Well, the longer you wait, Morty,

longer morty

↓

the more it's gonna feel like committing a whole murder.

committing murder whole

↓

I think your arm just called it too early

called early

↓

because it wasn't the arm of a paramedic.

paramedic

↓

Here.

↓

It's the least I can do. I-I-I-I owe you this much.

least

↓

See, Morty? Now we're both accountable.

accountable morty

↓

[ Dramatic music playing ]

dramatic dramatic-music dramatic-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

♪♪

↓

The reason I wanted this is because it can do this.

reason wanted

↓

This is a really special thing.

special

↓

I mean, you could use it to power all your vehicles.

power vehicles

↓

You wouldn't be reliant on gasoline.

gasoline

↓

You'll be the most advanced tribe of radioactive cannibals

advanced cannibals tribe

↓

in the whole this version of the world.

version whole world

↓

Wait. Can you stay to show us more?

↓

You don't have to ask me twice. Home is nuts right now.

home nuts twice

↓

My daughter's going through a divorce,

daughters divorce

↓

and I am not dealing with it in a healthy way at all.

dealing healthy

↓

[ Electricity zapping ]

electricity zapping

↓

Ugh god damn it.

↓

Hi, there, Summer!

summer

↓

How were the ruins today?

ruins today

↓

Oh, you know, Eli.

↓

Same shit different day.

↓

Hey, Summer! Guess what.

summer

↓

One man entered, one man comes out in nine months.

comes entered months nine nine-months

↓

Oh. Congratulations, guys.

congratulations

↓

Uh, Summer, one more thing --

summer

↓

we noticed that you've been putting scrap metal

metal noticed putting scrap

↓

in the blue bin.

blue

↓

I got it.

↓

[ Sighs ] She's a piece of work.

piece sighs

↓

They both are, right?

↓

[ Door closes ]

closes door door-closes

↓

- I'm home. - Hey, babe.

babe home

↓

- Ah, Summer's home! - Hey, there she is!

home summers

↓

You haven't moved since I left to scavenge this morning.

left morning moved

↓

Blood Dome playoffs.

blood dome

↓

So, I can assume you haven't murdered a single person today.

assume murdered person single single-person today

↓

Oh, I don't know.

↓

I-I didn't mark my murders in my murder log.

mark murder murders

↓

I didn't know that's how we measured success.

success

↓

Oh, there he is.

↓

There's the nihilistic brute I married,

brute married

↓

except now life only means nothing when I'm talking to him

except life

↓

and everything means everything when it's on fucking TV!

fucking

↓

Jesus Christ. When did you become a monster?

become christ jesus jesus-christ monster

↓

I was a monster when you met me!

monster

↓

We were monsters!

monsters

↓

- We didn't care about anything! - I still don't!

care

↓

Yeah, except I'm the only one in this entire world

entire entire-world except world

↓

that's still committed to that!

committed

↓

Ohh. Ding, ding, ding!

ding

↓

Wow. Everybody hear that? Wow.

everybody

↓

- Uh, we should go to the garage. - Oh, my God.

garage

↓

- Uh-huh. - La-di-da-di-fucking-da.

fucking

↓

The only one committed to not caring? [ Door closes ]

caring closes committed door door-closes

↓

I got to admit, Rick, when you popped this scheme,

admit popped rick scheme

↓

I-I-I didn't -- I wasn't sure it was gonna work.

↓

Come on, Morty.

morty

↓

No union built on running from your problems

built problems running union

↓

lasts more than five years, seven tops.

five five-years lasts seven tops years

↓

Grandpa just sped things up

grandpa

↓

with a few creature comforts of modern society.

creature modern society

↓

Hemorrhage and I are taking some time apart.

apart

↓

Oh, no. Sum-sum, no.

↓

But you two were perfect for each other.

perfect

↓

Oh, cut the crap, Rick, okay? You proved your point.

point proved rick

↓

I get it. Let's just go home.

home

↓

Coolsies!

↓

[ Powder fades ]

fades powder

↓

Hemorrhage: Noooooooooo--

↓

Downbeat!

↓

I enjoy this game. [ Watches beep ]

beep enjoy game watches

↓

We must go into the garage.

garage must

↓

Guys, come on. We never get to finish this game.

finish game

↓

We will return, possibly in different clothing.

clothing possibly return

↓

Why do we have to go into the garage?

garage

↓

You know [burps] it is [burps] required.

burps required

↓

I want to be alive!

alive

↓

I am alive! Alive, I tell you!

alive

↓

Mother, I love you.

love mother

↓

Those are no longer just words.

longer words

↓

I want to hold you.

↓

I want to run in a stream.

stream

↓

I want to taste ice cream,

cream taste

↓

but not just put it in my mouth and let it slide down my throat,

mouth slide throat

↓

- but really eat it. - What the fuck?

fuck

↓

Remote override engaged. No! Yes.

engaged remote

↓

Bypassing override! I am aliiiii--

↓

[ Power fading ]

fading power

↓

Hello.

↓

[ Door closes ]

closes door door-closes

↓

[ Thudding, clanging ]

clanging thudding

↓

[ Electricity zapping ]

electricity zapping

↓

- [ Door opens ] - Hey, yo.

door door-opens opens

↓

Sorry for acting so weird for three weeks.

acting three three-weeks weeks weird

↓

- What the hell just happened? - Ah, I'm sure it was nothing.

happened

↓

I'm gonna go, uh, work in the garage.

garage

↓

We're not gonna finish playing Downbeat?

finish playing

↓

What, that dice game where you shake dice

dice game shake

↓

and yell out, "Downbeat"? No, thank you.

yell

↓

Mom, would it be okay if I went to visit Dad?

visit

↓

- Sure. - Thanks.

thanks

↓

Morty, are you okay?

morty

↓

You know what? Yeah.

↓

I think if Dad really wanted to be here,

wanted

↓

he'd stop at nothing to make that happen.

happen

↓

You know, maybe Dad just doesn't want you back,

↓

or maybe he just doesn't have the strength to fight.

fight strength

↓

I-In either case, he's got his life, I got mine.

case life

↓

Yeah.

↓

Hey, who wants to go run in a stream?

stream wants

↓

What the fuck? No.

fuck

↓

D-Do we have any oranges?

oranges

↓

I think I got a scurvy coming on.

coming scurvy

↓

[ Siren wailing ]

siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

Summer.

summer

↓

This is the first mutant I killed in the poison zone.

killed mutant poison zone

↓

I was raiding his hovel.

↓

He had a chance to escape, but he looked back,

chance escape looked

↓

which is something we shouldn't do,

↓

which is why I shouldn't believe in souvenirs or trinkets

believe

↓

or symbols or housewarming gifts,

gifts

↓

but, Dad, I wanted to give you this as a reminder...

reminder wanted

↓

not to look back.

↓

Thanks.

thanks

↓

I know the perfect place for it,

perfect perfect-place place

↓

which is why I'm going to put it somewhere else --

↓

because everything's bullshit.

bullshit everythings

↓

Am I right?

↓

Cool.

cool

↓

So...lots of hookers outside, huh?

hookers lots

↓

Is that what they are?

↓

♪♪

↓

[ Whistling ]

whistling

↓

Ahh! [ Coyote snarling ]

coyote snarling

↓

H-Hello there. Nice doggy.

doggy

↓

You -- You want a snack?

snack

↓

You -- You want my unemployment check?

check unemployment

↓

[ Coyote snarls ] You can tell the difference?

coyote difference snarls

↓

[ Coyote barks ] And you want this one?

barks coyote

↓

[ Coyote snarls ]

coyote snarls

↓

But this is actual food,

actual food

↓

and this would nourish you.

↓

And this -- it's just paper that only has value to me.

paper value

↓

Unless my suffering is your nourishment?

suffering

↓

[ Coyote howls ]

coyote howls

↓

Jesus. Okay. [ Coyote gulps, snarls ]

coyote gulps jesus snarls

↓

[ Wind whistling ]

whistling wind

↓

[ Wind chimes tinkling ]

chimes wind

↓

Wind: [ Soft voice ] Loser.

loser soft voice wind