Rick and Morty

↓

Rick: Anyway, that's how I escaped from space prison!

↓

Oh, scary place.

place scary

↓

Wow, Rick! That's -- That's one -- one heck of a story.

heck rick story

↓

I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen. Oh, come on.

happen wish

↓

Who wants to watch a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools

scientist tools wants watch

↓

to take out highly trained alien guards

alien guards highly trained

↓

when we can sit here and be a family at Shoney's?

family

↓

Dad, it's great to have you back, no matter where we are,

matter

↓

but wouldn't you like to go home?

home

↓

Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home.

emotionally home honey speaking

↓

Yeah, but you just got out of prison.

prison

↓

I mean, how much of a step up from that is --

step

↓

Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off,

booth clothes jerry

↓

and fold yourself 12 times.

fold times

↓

You got it.

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

Six folds, huh?

folds

↓

W-W-What, have you guys got me in a Series 9000?

series

↓

You cheap insect fucks didn't think I was worth your best equipment?

best cheap equipment fucks worth

↓

[ Chuckles ] Man, I told the money bugs.

bugs chuckles money

↓

I said, "You know who this guy is, right?

↓

You want me to get intel out of the smartest mammal

intel mammal smartest

↓

in the galaxy, you better give me a decent brainalyzer."

decent galaxy

↓

Well, you might as well order some pancakes,

might order pancakes

↓

because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain.

brain part

↓

Oh, I think you do.

↓

Eventually, you're either gonna relax your cerebellum...

eventually relax

↓

Shoney's.

↓

[ Farts ]

farts

↓

I admire you, Rick. [ Farts ]

admire farts rick

↓

[ Laughs ]

laughs

↓

When I -- [ Farts ]

farts

↓

[ Laughs ]

laughs

↓

Rick, here's -- [ Farts ]

farts rick

↓

[ Laughs ]

laughs

↓

What's going on?

↓

It's hard to tell. He may have manifested some sort of butt.

butt hard

↓

He can do that?

↓

He is the smartest man in the universe.

smartest universe

↓

♪♪

↓

[ Sighs ]

sighs

↓

I tell ya, the Galactic Federation taking over Earth -- best thing that's ever happened to this family. I just got my sixth promotion this week,

best earth family federation happened promotion sixth week

↓

and I still don't know what I do.

↓

Who cares how high they promote you?

cares promote

↓

Everyone just gets paid in pills.

paid pills

↓

Well, when you're not sure what you do for a living,

living

↓

you can make your own rules.

rules

↓

Summer, show your father some respect. He's pulling down a six-chewable figure income.

father figure income pulling respect summer

↓

[ Bottle shatters ]

bottle shatters

↓

I'll get that in a moment. How are everyone's pills?

everyones moment pills

↓

Oh, Morty, you've hardly touched your pills.

hardly morty pills touched

↓

I kind of had big pills for lunch, and I

lunch pills

↓

[muffled] wasn't gonna eat any more pills.

muffled pills

↓

[ Gulps ] Thank you, Conroy.

gulps

↓

You spoil us, Conroy.

spoil

↓

Grandpa Rick wouldn't put up with this!

grandpa rick

↓

Stop saying his name! He abandoned us. Willem Dafoe!

abandoned name

↓

Th-That's the guy I couldn't think of this morning.

morning

↓

Don't make my mistake, Summer.

mistake summer

↓

Don't deify the people that leave you.

↓

You'll end up a horse surgeon in a world controlled by aliens

aliens controlled horse surgeon world

↓

whose medicine keeps horses

horses keeps medicine

↓

[sobs] healthy forever.

forever healthy sobs

↓

[ Sniffles ] Horses live longer than tortoises now.

horses live longer sniffles

↓

Is that what you want for yourself?

↓

Maybe I just want you to care if I run away yelling!

care yelling

↓

Who saved room for pill brûlée?

pill room saved

↓

Ooh! [ Chuckles ]

chuckles

↓

I can see why you chose this family-friendly restaurant

chose family friendly restaurant

↓

to represent your cerebellum.

represent

↓

So safe, so comfortable, so Shoney's.

comfortable safe

↓

But admit it, Rick -- you're going crazy cooped up in here.

admit crazy rick

↓

Let's go visit some memories.

memories visit

↓

Oh, any particular ones?

ones particular

↓

You want to see my first boner, or should we go straight to the moment

boner moment straight

↓

I discovered interdimensional travel?

discovered travel

↓

[ Squeals ] Ooh, your little flappy doodles are twitching.

doodles squeals

↓

Does that mean you're aroused, or did you just get a signal

aroused signal

↓

that one of your buddies found a grape?

buddies found grape

↓

It's arousal.

arousal

↓

Yes, I'd like very much to visit the memory

memory visit

↓

of you inventing your portal gun.

portal

↓

Yeah, well, tough titties. [ Rumbling ]

rumbling titties tough tough-titties

↓

There's no tougher titty than a psychotic break, Rick.

break psychotic rick titty tougher

↓

Well, that depends on who breaks first -- me or the titty.

breaks depends titty

↓

Someone special you remember?

remember special

↓

Is that your memory of her out there --

memory

↓

between where you were on 9/11

↓

and your favorite sports blooper?

favorite sports

↓

[ Whooshing ] If we stay here, you'll die, along with all your memories.

along memories whooshing

↓

If you take me where I want to go...

↓

she'll be there, too, won't she?

shell

↓

The day I invented the portal gun is the day I lost her.

invented lost portal

↓

Oh, that sounds cool. I can get what I want and you can say goodbye.

cool goodbye sounds sounds-cool

↓

[ Sighs ] Fine, but I'm driving. ...as an excuse to strip away our freedom.

driving excuse freedom sighs strip

↓

Huh? What are you -- What are you doing?

↓

Grandpa Rick must have some secret lab, right?

grandpa must rick secret

↓

With, like, laser guns and jets packs and a space tank!

guns jets laser packs space tank

↓

And we can go break him out of prison!

break prison

↓

Look at these dead flies!

dead flies

↓

Maybe if we arrange them in a certain order,

arrange certain order

↓

it plays a hologram or it opens a secret door.

door opens plays secret

↓

Summer, you're freaking me out.

freaking summer

↓

I know things have changed a lot, and I know you miss Rick,

changed miss rick

↓

but getting him back wouldn't make things better.

↓

And, you know, we're not doing so bad.

↓

We're miserable, Morty!

miserable morty

↓

There's a mandatory curfew, their weird calendar made me 47,

calendar curfew mandatory weird

↓

and they weaponized the Eiffel Tower!

tower

↓

Hey, I like being 35. I-I can rent a car now.

rent

↓

Because you suck.

suck

↓

You've been keeping your lip zipped about it

keeping zipped

↓

since Grandpa got arrested, but the fact is,

arrested fact grandpa

↓

you're freaking stoked to bail on him.

bail freaking stoked

↓

He bails on everybody!

everybody

↓

He bailed on Mom when she was a kid!

bailed

↓

He -- He bailed on tiny planet!

bailed planet tiny

↓

And in case I never made this clear to you, Summer,

case clear summer

↓

he bailed on you.

bailed

↓

He left you to rot in a world that he ruined

left ruined world

↓

because he doesn't care!

care

↓

Because nobody's special to him, Summer,

nobodys special summer

↓

not even himself.

↓

So, if you really want your grandpa back, grab a shovel.

grab grandpa shovel

↓

The one that won't let you down is buried in your backyard!

backyard buried

↓

You're right!

↓

What?! No, I'm not right.

↓

I-I was using ghoulish overkill!

overkill using

↓

Ghoulish overkill, Summer! [ Summer grunting ]

grunting overkill summer

↓

[ Thunder crashes ]

crashes thunder

↓

Oh, God! Oh, God!

↓

Whoa, whoa!

whoa

↓

[ Thunder crashes ]

crashes thunder

↓

Where are we going? To the day it all began... and ended.

began ended

↓

The moment that changed everything.

changed moment

↓

Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?

mcdonalds order welcome

↓

Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce.

bunch piece sauce

↓

Like, as much as you're allowed to give me.

allowed

↓

In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan,"

disney film promotion

↓

where they -- where they --

↓

they created a new sauce for the McNuggets

created sauce

↓

called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious!

called delicious sauce

↓

And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone.

gone

↓

This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory.

able memory place

↓

Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting.

brain melting rick

↓

Okay. All right, all right.

↓

Is that... Me. I used to wear blue pants.

blue pants used wear

↓

When'd you make the leap to interdimensional travel? I didn't. I did.

leap travel

↓

Well, well, well.

↓

If it isn't us.

↓

You know the worst part about inventing teleportation?

part worst worst-part

↓

Suddenly, you're able to travel the whole galaxy,

able galaxy suddenly travel whole

↓

and the first thing you learn is,

learn

↓

you're the last guy to invent teleportation.

invent

↓

Fortunately, you're about to invent something much more powerful.

fortunately invent powerful

↓

[ Squeals ]

squeals

↓

What?

↓

[ Thunder crashes ]

crashes thunder

↓

Summer, nobody has to know about that.

nobody summer

↓

We could put it right back and pretend we never saw it,

pretend

↓

like we did with Dad's mannequin leg.

dads mannequin

↓

Fine, stay here. I'll rescue Grandpa myself.

grandpa rescue

↓

And how are you gonna do that? I don't know yet.

↓

I'll make it up as I go.

↓

That's what Grandpa Rick does.

grandpa rick

↓

That's what heroes do.

heroes

↓

Y-You want to see what a hero Rick is? I-I'll bring you somewhere, Summer.

bring hero rick summer

↓

Um... My goodness, children.

children goodness

↓

[ Sternly ] Relinquish the illegal technology

illegal technology

↓

to the nearest Federation representative.

federation nearest representative

↓

[ Normal voice ] And then we'll all play Balderdash.

normal normal-voice voice

↓

[ Both whimper, scream ]

scream

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

[ Farting ]

farting

↓

♪♪

↓

[ Grunts ] Oh, my goodness! Oh, oh! My goo--

goodness grunts

↓

[ Crackling ]

crackling

↓

Oh, my God.

↓

I have that exact same top.

exact

↓

What is this place?

place

↓

And what's with "Hunger Games" Summer?

games hunger summer

↓

That's my sister. This used to be my home.

home sister used

↓

Imagine doing anything you want,

imagine

↓

then hopping to a timeline where you never did it.

timeline

↓

Imagine going anywhere, anytime,

anytime imagine

↓

with nobody able to stop you.

able nobody

↓

Sounds lonely.

lonely sounds

↓

Lonely? Dude, you have yourself --

lonely

↓

your infinite selves.

infinite

↓

It's a nonstop party where all the guests

guests nonstop party

↓

are the only person we like.

person

↓

You think it's cool being the smartest man on Earth,

cool earth smartest

↓

but once we give you this technology, you become the smartest thing in every conceivable universe -- the Infinite Rick, a god.

become infinite rick smartest technology universe

↓

Eh, pass.

pass

↓

Excuse me? Bro, Ricks don't pass on this.

excuse pass

↓

Who do you think you are?

↓

A different kind of Rick, I guess.

rick

↓

Well, we'll see how long that lasts.

lasts

↓

I heard sci-fi noises.

heard noises

↓

Did you make a breakthrough?

breakthrough

↓

Sort of.

↓

I just took a long look at myself,

↓

and I don't think this science thing is gonna pay off.

science

↓

Well, why don't I get Beth and we'll go out for ice cream?

beth cream

↓

That, Dianne, is the last great idea

idea

↓

that will ever be had in this garage.

garage

↓

[ Munching loudly ]

loudly

↓

Good roasted Cronenberg, I assume.

assume roasted

↓

Mom, you're looking... feral.

looking

↓

I can't believe Rick did this.

believe rick

↓

These are the parts of Rick's adventures

adventures parts

↓

you don't get to see -- the parts he leaves behind.

behind leaves parts

↓

All right, it's been great, guys.

↓

I really only wanted to stop by here for a quick "I told ya so."

quick wanted

↓

So, uh... Looking for this?

looking

↓

What are you doing with that?!

↓

It stinks of Rick. [ Grunts ]

grunts rick stinks

↓

No! Why?! Why would you do that?!

↓

W-W-What is the matter with you people?!

matter

↓

You're a bunch of back-savages, backwoods savage morons!

bunch morons savage savages

↓

You can never leave. She cannot remain.

cannot remain

↓

She stinks of Rick.

rick stinks

↓

[ All scream ]

scream

↓

Hold your fire! Hold your fire!

fire

↓

I'm Morty C-137.

morty

↓

We detected a compromised portal gun. Where is your Rick? He's in prison. Summer.

compromised portal prison rick summer

↓

He got captured by the Federation

captured federation

↓

and we were going to rescue him.

rescue

↓

Very troubling. We can't risk Citadel secrets

risk secrets troubling

↓

falling into the Federation's hands.

falling hands

↓

We'll dispatch S.E.A.L. Team Ricks immediately

immediately team

↓

to break into the prison holding C-137.

break holding prison

↓

Boo-yah. And assassinate him.

↓

Boo-nah?

↓

[ Horn honks ]

honks horn horn-honks

↓

[ Munching ]

↓

[ Whooshing ]

whooshing

↓

[ Beeping ]

beeping

↓

Nooooooo!

↓

Wow. This sauce is fucking amazing.

amazing fucking sauce

↓

You said it was promoting a movie?

movie

↓

[ Slurping ]

slurping

↓

Carry the three, add a two.

carry three

↓

I got it. I fucking got it.

fucking

↓

Whoa. I-Is that it, the portal gun? Yeah. That's the three lines of math

lines math portal three whoa

↓

that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost.

ghost life

↓

Awesome-possum.

awesome possum

↓

[ Whirring ]

whirring

↓

Mission Control, you getting this?

control mission

↓

Holy shit, yes! Yes, we got it! Yeah!

holy

↓

Thanks, Rick. I'll try to remember to shut off the brainalyzer.

remember rick thanks

↓

Actually, I think it shuts off automatically

automatically shuts

↓

once your brain is liquid.

brain liquid

↓

Don't know, don't care.

care

↓

Pull me out.

pull

↓

Hey, pull me out. Can you hear me?

pull

↓

Nope, they cannot. Why not?

cannot nope

↓

Because the code you just uploaded wasn't actually my portal-gun formula, it was a virus giving me full control over the brainalyzer.

code control formula full giving portal virus

↓

What are you talking about? This is a memory.

memory

↓

Y-You can't alter details of a memory.

alter details memory

↓

True, but you can alter anything you want

alter

↓

about a totally fabricated origin story.

story

↓

It's a trap! Abort! I'm still in his Shoney's!

abort trap

↓

Repeat -- we never left his Shoney's!

left repeat

↓

Mission accomplished, boys. Pull me out.

accomplished boys mission mission-accomplished pull

↓

Roger that.

roger

↓

Okay, have fun in what's left of my brain.

brain fun left

↓

I'm gonna transfer to yours.

transfer

↓

Oh, there's not enough room for all my genius, so I'm leaving you with my fear of wicker furniture, my desire to play the trumpet,

desire fear furniture genius leaving room trumpet wicker

↓

my tentative plans to purchase a hat,

plans purchase

↓

and six years of improv workshops.

improv years

↓

Comedy comes in threes.

comedy comes threes

↓

It's a trap! Abort! We never left his --

abort left trap

↓

[ Farts ] [ Laughs ] No!

farts laughs

↓

Another day, another dollar.

another dollar

↓

Am I great insect creature or what?!

creature

↓

Congratulations, Agent. You'll be highly commended for this.

agent congratulations highly

↓

Always wait for permission to [burps] feel accomplishment.

accomplishment burps permission

↓

That's my motto.

motto

↓

Well, I'm just a dumb-ass bug, but it's possible Rick knew

dumb possible rick

↓

he'd be interrogated at this facility,

facility

↓

where we not only keep our most wanted,

wanted

↓

but our most sensitive data.

data sensitive

↓

Anyone here with level-nine access could [burps]

access burps level nine

↓

I don't know, collapse a government.

collapse government

↓

I'm just gonna go take a dump.

dump

↓

Is it cool if I use the level-nine bathroom?

bathroom cool level nine

↓

W-W-What's the level-nine master access code again?

access code level master nine

↓

Oh, that's easy -- 8-3...

easy

↓

Yeah!

↓

S.E.A.L. Team Ricks in the house!

house team

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

Hi, Rick.

rick

↓

Bye, Rick.

rick

↓

D-99, y-you okay?

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

I'm bummed I didn't get to give that insect dick a test-drive.

bummed dick drive test

↓

Wait, wait, wait, wait! T-The Council of Ricks sent us.

council sent

↓

We have your Morty and Summer.

morty summer

↓

They're prisoners on the Citadel. Great! [ Grunts ]

grunts prisoners

↓

Security breach in room 6755.

breach room security

↓

Lovely. Not only is my plan screwed up,

lovely plan screwed

↓

I also forgot how to improvise.

forgot

↓

All security people approach. [ Grunts ]

approach grunts security

↓

Security breach.

breach security

↓

A city of Grandpas?

city grandpas

↓

Morty: It's the Citadel of Ricks.

morty

↓

All the different Ricks from all the different realities got together to hide here from the government.

government hide

↓

But if every Rick hates the government,

government hates rick

↓

why would they hate Grandpa?

grandpa hate

↓

Because Ricks hate themselves the most.

hate

↓

And our Rick is the most...himself.

rick

↓

Not anymore, homey.

anymore homey

↓

S.E.A.L. Team Ricks turned his unibrow

team turned

↓

into two brows -- with a bullet.

bullet

↓

[ Laughter ]

laughter

↓

Your Rick's dead! Your Rick's dead!

dead

↓

♪♪

↓

Sir, Rick D-99 is returning from the mission alone.

alone mission returning rick

↓

Apparently, S.E.A.L. Team Ricks suffered heavy casualties.

apparently heavy suffered team

↓

Bring him in.

bring

↓

He says he'll only talk to a Rick with higher clearance.

clearance higher rick

↓

La-di-da. Give me that.

↓

D-99, this is the commander in chief of the Citadel's militia.

chief commander

↓

Go[burps] -- good enough.

burps

↓

He's a spy. Blow him up. I'm gonna go take a shit.

blow

↓

Operating an unregistered portal gun,

operating portal

↓

radicalizing a Summer,

summer

↓

conspiring with a traitorous Rick.

conspiring rick

↓

How do you plead?

↓

How is this a fair trial?

fair trial

↓

O-Our lawyer is a Morty.

lawyer morty

↓

It's not fair, you have no rights, and he's not a lawyer.

fair lawyer rights

↓

We just keep him here because he's fun.

fun

↓

Look at him go.

↓

[ Laughs ] Ha ha, yeah!

laughs

↓

We'll be lenient if you renounce your Rick.

rick

↓

What say you, Summer?

summer

↓

I say fuck you! My grandpa was my hero.

fuck grandpa hero

↓

You killed him because you were jealous of him.

jealous killed

↓

That's pretty obvious from the haircuts.

obvious

↓

So do what you want to me, but let my brother go.

brother

↓

He already renounced Rick. Morty?

morty rick

↓

[ Whispers indistinctly ] What?

indistinctly whispers

↓

N-No, I don't want to see your Pog collection.

collection

↓

I don't renounce Rick, and I never have.

rick

↓

I was just trying to protect my sister.

protect sister

↓

I wanted you to have a normal life.

life normal normal-life wanted

↓

That's something you can't have when Rick shows up.

rick shows

↓

Everything real turns fake. Everything right is wrong.

fake real turns

↓

All you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything.

knows

↓

And, well -- well, he's not a villain, Summer,

summer villain

↓

but he shouldn't be your hero.

hero

↓

He's more like a demon or a super fucked up god.

demon fucked super

↓

Let's not suck the ghost of his dick too hard.

dick ghost hard suck

↓

He was a terrorist, and now he's dead. Oh, yeah? If you think my Rick's dead, he's alive. And if you think you're safe, he's coming for you!

alive coming dead safe terrorist

↓

[ All grumbling ]

grumbling

↓

[ Whistling ]

whistling

↓

Hey, whoa, whoa! What are you doing in here? This area's for teleporting the entire Citadel

areas entire whoa

↓

to somewhere else using only buttons and dials.

buttons using

↓

Yeah, well, it's a bad idea

idea

↓

to have it designed that way then, isn't it?

designed

↓

[ Whirring ]

whirring

↓

[ Screaming ] What the [bleep]

bleep screaming

↓

We just teleported into a galactic federal prison.

federal prison

↓

I'm gonna go take a shit. [ Alarm blaring ]

alarm alarm-blaring blaring

↓

Lawyer Morty: Order in the court!

court lawyer morty order

↓

Whoa! What the hell?! Oh, my God!

whoa

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

Wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no, no!

↓

Whoa! [ Screaming ]

screaming whoa

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

The Citadel's been teleported to [burps] Federation space.

burps federation space

↓

It's doomed. This has to be C-137, you guys. What are we gonna do?! You know he's coming for us.

coming doomed

↓

All right, calm down! We have his Summer as a hostage.

calm hostage summer

↓

Obviously, I get her.

obviously

↓

You guys play Rick, Laser, Scissors for the Morty.

laser morty rick scissors

↓

W-W-What the hell is that?

↓

Payback.

payback

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

Grandpa Rick!

grandpa rick

↓

Duh! You're alive!

alive

↓

Rick! Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later.

morty rick

↓

♪♪

↓

Hold on, hold on. Whoa!

whoa

↓

Council Member: That's enough, Rick.

council member rick

↓

What -- What's this supposed to accomplish?

accomplish supposed

↓

We have infinite grandkids.

grandkids infinite

↓

You're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here.

bucks caesars disney palace

↓

That's a bluff. He's bluffing, sir. He loves me.

bluff bluffing loves

↓

You're a rogue Rick -- irrational, passionate.

irrational passionate rick rogue

↓

You love your grandkids. You came to rescue them.

grandkids love rescue

↓

I came to kill you, bro.

kill

↓

That's not even my original Summer.

original summer

↓

Oh, my God. He's not bluffing. He's not bluffing! R-Rick? Why not shoot through her? 20 yards, nine-gauge plasma pistol,

bluffing gauge nine pistol plasma rick shoot yards

↓

My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you,

insides shot

↓

second shot adds recoil.

adds second shot

↓

The risk to me is minimized if I wait for you to shoot her,

risk shoot

↓

which I'm encouraging you to do.

encouraging

↓

What the fuck Or let her go,

fuck

↓

which I will reward with a quicker death.

death quicker reward

↓

Because you love her!

love

↓

Because it's incentive for you to give me my cleanest shot,

incentive shot

↓

which will be your least painful death.

death least painful

↓

But if you want to die slower than that, I'm super into it.

slower super

↓

All you got to do to get that started is kill the girl.

girl kill started

↓

I hate you! Not an issue, sweetie.

hate issue sweetie

↓

That's enough! Drop the gun, Rick! Morty, I know you're too stupid to get this,

drop morty rick stupid

↓

but you're really fucking this up right now.

fucking

↓

I'm not letting you let my sister die! Drop the gun!

drop letting sister

↓

I wasn't gonna let her die, you fucking moron!

fucking moron

↓

Ha! Aww.

↓

The point is he thought I was going to.

point

↓

I totally did, by the way.

↓

You're a fucking moron, Morty.

fucking moron morty

↓

Morty, you fucking idiot!

fucking fucking-idiot idiot morty

↓

You're a serious fucking idiot, Morty!

fucking fucking-idiot idiot morty serious

↓

You basically killed us all!

killed

↓

You're the worst!

worst

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

Who's stupid now, bitch?!

bitch stupid

↓

Morty, we just got him back!

morty

↓

[ Laughs ]

laughs

↓

That was amazing, Morty.

amazing morty

↓

Oh, my God. Wow.

↓

Okay, let's wrap this...

wrap

↓

Good job, Morty. Let's go, kids.

kids morty

↓

What?! What happened?

happened

↓

Oldest Rick trick in the book.

book oldest rick trick

↓

"Fake gun, shoot me in standoff."

fake shoot

↓

Brilliant. Ha, yeah.

brilliant

↓

G-Good thing I saw that note.

note

↓

♪♪

↓

Can't we just portal home?

home portal

↓

Not until I finish what I started.

finish started

↓

And that is how you get level-nine access

access level nine

↓

without a password.

password

↓

Freeze!

freeze

↓

Employee of the month, ladies and gentlemen.

employee gentlemen ladies month

↓

So, what are you doing with level-nine access anyways?

access anyways level nine

↓

Destroying the [burps] galactic government. Awesome! Whoa, cool!

awesome burps cool destroying government whoa

↓

Are you going to set all their nukes to target each other?

target

↓

Ooh, or -- or reprogram their military portals

military

↓

to disintegrate their entire space fleet?

entire fleet space

↓

Good pitches, kids. I'm almost proud.

kids proud

↓

But watch closely as Grandpa topples an empire

closely empire grandpa watch

↓

by changing a one... to a zero.

changing zero

↓

Mr. President, the Blemflarck's value just dropped to nothing.

dropped president value

↓

What do you mean?

↓

just went from being worth one of itself to zero of itself. [ Panicked murmuring ] Calm down, people.

calm murmuring panicked worth zero

↓

Deploy the galactic militia and declare martial law.

declare martial

↓

Yes, sir.

↓

Uh, what should I pay them with?

↓

Their payment is the honor they'll feel to serve their --

honor payment serve

↓

Wait. Who's paying me to yell at this guy?

paying yell

↓

I can answer that -- for money.

answer money

↓

I never thought I'd live to see this day. [ Panicked murmuring ]

live murmuring panicked

↓

Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen!

gentlemen

↓

There's a solution here you're not seeing.

seeing solution

↓

Give me your jacket! Give me those pants!

jacket pants

↓

[ Indistinct shouting ]

indistinct indistinct-shouting shouting

↓

[ Indistinct shouting ]

indistinct indistinct-shouting shouting

↓

Insectoid Employee: There's no rich people or poor people!

employee poor rich

↓

I want more jackets!

jackets

↓

He who controls the pants controls the galaxy!

controls galaxy pants

↓

[ Whimpering ]

whimpering

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

[ Whimpering ]

whimpering

↓

No longer will the insects have domain over surface world!

insects longer surface world

↓

[ Whimpering ]

whimpering

↓

Jerry, what the hell is happening?!

jerry

↓

The galactic government collapsed.

collapsed government

↓

Are you okay? Look, I-I'm not proud to share this, but the truth is,

proud share truth

↓

I just kept crawling, and it kept working.

crawling working

↓

[ Gasps ] Oh, I'm glad you're okay.

gasps glad

↓

Are we ever going to stop paying for indulging your father?

father paying

↓

Our children, our planet, our jobs?

children jobs planet

↓

Is there anything left to lose?

left lose

↓

Just each other, and I'll never let you go. And I'm so sorry I ever did this to us.

↓

Guess who dismantled the government? Please don't leave me again. I never will, baby.

baby government

↓

I was right. He turned himself in on purpose.

purpose turned

↓

It was all part of his plan!

part plan

↓

Jerry, is there any light beer left?

beer jerry left light

↓

It's insane what you miss in prison.

insane miss prison

↓

Um...okay. No.

↓

No, no, no. Foot down time.

foot

↓

No, you're right. Where's the vodka?

vodka

↓

Beth, it's him or me!

beth

↓

Seems like you guys need some privacy.

privacy seems

↓

I'll, uh -- I'll be in the garage.

garage

↓

What the fuck Not cool, Jerry!

cool fuck jerry

↓

A man's garage is his castle.

castle garage mans

↓

[ Beeps ]

beeps

↓

Jerry's going to...

↓

spend some time...

spend

↓

divorced.

divorced

↓

Oh, I-I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie.

sweetie

↓

I hope I had nothing to do with that.

hope

↓

Oh, God, Dad, that is not your burden to bear.

bear burden

↓

I feel terrible that I misjudged you.

↓

This is gonna be good for Jerry.

jerry

↓

For everybody. For everybody.

everybody

↓

[ Text whooshes ]

text whooshes

↓

I better tend to Jerry

jerry tend

↓

before he changes his mind and doesn't move out.

changes mind

↓

I will leave you two to your adventures.

adventures

↓

Oh, my God. Nancy says they're drawing and quartering aliens in the school courtyard,

aliens courtyard drawing nancy school

↓

and it technically counts as patriotism.

counts technically

↓

Geez! Are my parents seriously gonna get divorced?

divorced geez parents

↓

All right, Rick, I'm gonna go to my --

rick

↓

Not so fast, Morty. You heard your mom.

fast heard morty

↓

We've got adventures to go on, Morty -- just you and me --

adventures morty

↓

and sometimes your sister and sometimes your mom,

sister sometimes

↓

but never your dad.

↓

You want to know why, Morty? Because he crossed me.

crossed morty

↓

Okay, take it easy, Rick. T-T-That's dark.

dark easy rick

↓

Oh, it gets darker, Morty.

darker morty

↓

Welcome to the darkest year of our adventures.

adventures darkest welcome

↓

First thing that's different -- no more Dad, Morty. Oh, geez.

geez morty

↓

He threatened to turn me in to the government,

government threatened

↓

so I made him and the government go away.

government

↓

Oh fuck

fuck

↓

I've rep[burps]laced them both as the de facto patriarch

burps

↓

of your family and your universe.

family universe

↓

Your mom wouldn't have accepted me if I came home... Oh, man.

accepted home

↓

...without you and your sister, so now you know the real reason I rescued you. Oh!

real real-reason reason rescued sister

↓

I just took over the family, Morty, and if you tell your mom...

family morty

↓

Oh, man.

↓

You're gonna deny it.

deny

↓

And now you're gonna have to go... Oh.

↓

...and do whatever I say, Morty, forever!

forever morty

↓

And I'll -- I'll go out and I'll find some more of that

↓

"Mulan" Szechuan teriyaki dipping sauce, Morty.

dipping morty sauce

↓

What are you talking about?

↓

Szechuan? That's my one-armed man!

armed

↓

I'm not driven by avenging my dead family, Morty!

dead driven family morty

↓

That was fake.

fake

↓

I-I-I'm driven by finding that McNugget sauce.

driven finding sauce

↓

McNuggets? I want that "Mulan" McNugget sauce, Morty!

morty sauce

↓

That's my series arc, Morty. What the hell?

morty series

↓

If it takes nine seasons,

nine seasons takes

↓

I want my McNugget dipping sauce, Szechuan sauce, Morty.

dipping morty sauce

↓

That's what's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty.

morty

↓

Season -- Nine more seasons, Morty.

morty nine season seasons

↓

Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce.

dipping nine sauce seasons

↓

What is that?! For 97 more years, Morty!

morty years

↓

What are you talking about?! I want that McNugget sauce, Morty! ♪♪

morty sauce

↓

Is it ready?

ready

↓

Yes. We can bring it online now.

bring online

↓

Do it.

↓

I am Phoenix Person.

person

↓

Phoenix Person? Is that what we settled on?

person settled

↓

I thought we all agreed on Cyber Bird.

agreed bird cyber

↓

You said you didn't care what he was called

called care

↓

as long as we brought him back.

brought

↓

Yeah, but Phoenix Person?

person

↓

Fine fuck it. Who cares?

cares fuck

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

Ka-kaw!

↓

Did you get any of that?

Season 3, Episode 1 — The Rickshank Rickdemption

Combined Images