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Home » Rick and Morty » S02E08 — Interdimensional Cable 2 - Tempting Fate

Rick and Morty

Season 2, Episode 8 — Interdimensional Cable 2 - Tempting Fate

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Interdimensional Cable 2: Tempting Fate

Air date: September 20, 2015

Director: Juan Jose Meza-Leon

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Jerry gets sick, and Rick sparks up the TV.

Source: TMDB

↓

[door beeps]

beeps door

↓

Don't worry about Jerry. He's gonna be fine.

jerry worry

↓

You hear me, Jerry? You're gonna be fine.

jerry

↓

[belching]

↓

Ooh, watch out for that stuff.

stuff watch

↓

It'll stain if it gets on your clothes

clothes itll stain

↓

and it'll send you into a murderous rage

itll rage send

↓

if it gets in your eyes and mouth.

eyes mouth

↓

Why would you keep mutant bacteria

bacteria mutant

↓

in a pint of Cherry Garcia?

cherry pint

↓

I know this isn't the time, but, you know, technically

technically

↓

the second freezer drawer is mine.

drawer freezer second

↓

- Not anymore. - You're overreacting!

anymore overreacting

↓

- We're losing him. - Alright, fine.

alright losing

↓

But you're not touching my crisper.

touching

↓

- Is he going to die? - Don't worry.

worry

↓

Dr. Glip Glop is the best in the galaxy.

best galaxy

↓

Hello, I'm Dr. Glip Glop.

↓

[belching]

↓

Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

↓

[roars]

roars

↓

What?

↓

Every hospital claims to have

claims hospital

↓

the best doctor in the galaxy.

best best-doctor doctor galaxy

↓

It's like those pizza places

pizza places

↓

that claim to have the best pizza in the world.

best claim pizza world

↓

What do you think, they have pizza contests?

contests pizza

↓

Have you ever been to a pizza contest?

contest pizza

↓

- Go in the waiting room, dad. - Fine!

room waiting waiting-room

↓

Excuse me.

excuse

↓

Coming through. What are you here for?

coming

↓

Just kidding. I don't care.

care kidding

↓

[instrumental music]

instrumental instrumental-music music

↓

Well, this won't do.

↓

- Hey, what are you doing? - A sequel.

↓

- I don't understand. - Yeah, me, neither.

↓

We pretty much nailed it the first time.

nailed

↓

[upbeat music]

music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

(male #1) 'Biatch!'

biatch male

↓

[electricity crackling]

crackling electricity

↓

[clicks]

clicks

↓

Ooh! Ooh!

↓

Ow!

↓

"Man vs. Car," the newest hit show..

newest

↓

- ...where it pits a man.. - Yeah!

pits

↓

'...versus a car.'

versus

↓

On tonight's episode

episode tonights

↓

Michael Jenkins fights a regular old car.

fights jenkins michael regular

↓

Here we go.

↓

'Oh, he's pushing his way through.'

pushing

↓

'He's trying to fight that car'

fight

↓

'but the car seems to have the upper hand.'

hand seems upper upper-hand

↓

'Oh, he's got a little bit of push back there.'

push

↓

'Oh, no.'

↓

'He just got ran over and chewed up by the tires.'

chewed tires

↓

I guess that's another one for the cars.

another cars

↓

[laughs]

laughs

↓

I mean, wouldn't the cars always win?

cars

↓

[instrumental music]

instrumental instrumental-music music

↓

Samantha, I need to know

samantha

↓

that you understand that I have a couple of eye holes.

couple holes

↓

I do. I do understand about your eye holes.

holes

↓

Here, look at my eye holes.

holes

↓

Oh, my god. You have eight eye ho-holes.

eight holes

↓

[chuckles]

chuckles

↓

Ohh, I'm looking through your eye holes.

holes looking

↓

Yes, look through my eye holes.

holes

↓

[moaning]

moaning

↓

[helicopter whirring]

helicopter whirring

↓

[glass shatters]

glass glass-shatters shatters

↓

I'm the Eye Hole Man.

hole

↓

I'm the only one that's allowed to have eye holes.

allowed holes

↓

Ah!

↓

Get up on out of here with my eye holes.

holes

↓

(male announcer #1) 'Eye Holes.'

announcer holes male

↓

'Get them today. Ikea..'

today

↓

You got to be careful, Morty.

careful morty

↓

If that guy catches you with the box with his eye holes

catches holes

↓

he comes bursting in through a window

comes window

↓

and just starts kicking the shit out of you.

kicking starts

↓

But it's worth the risk.

risk worth

↓

They melt in your mouth, Morty. They're delicious.

delicious melt morty mouth

↓

Dad, I can't believe you're explaining alien cereal.

alien believe cereal explaining

↓

We're worried about Jerry.

jerry worried

↓

Well, you're 39 years too late

late years

↓

or, you know, however old he is.

↓

Is he, is he 50?

↓

Jesus Christ, Beth, is-is Jerry 50?

beth christ jerry jesus jesus-christ

↓

Where am I?

↓

Relax, Mr. Smith. You're in an alien hospital.

alien hospital relax smith

↓

I mean, to you, it's an alien hospital.

alien hospital

↓

To me, you're just in a hospital.

hospital

↓

There's another matter we need to discuss with you.

another discuss matter

↓

- Okay. - An hour ago..

hour

↓

...Shrimply Pibbles

↓

the galaxy's most influential Civil Rights leader

civil leader rights

↓

was brought to this hospital's emergency room

brought emergency emergency-room hospitals room

↓

where he is currently fighting for his life.

currently fighting life

↓

- My god. - Mr. Smith.

smith

↓

Shrimply Pibbles life can be saved

life saved

↓

if we replace his heart with your human penis.

heart human penis replace

↓

I see. Wait, what?

↓

It's perfect.

perfect

↓

The configuration of veins

veins

↓

the ratio of thickness to elasticity

ratio

↓

the delicate asymmetry of what you call your balls

balls delicate

↓

and with relatively few adjustments

adjustments relatively

↓

your genitals can be molded into a functioning heart

genitals heart

↓

for the most important man in the universe.

universe

↓

- Yeah, but, I mean-- - Oh, forget it!

forget

↓

I told you this was a waste of time!

waste

↓

Have respect, Yarp.

respect yarp

↓

The Earth man's world is tiny and undeveloped.

earth mans tiny world

↓

He knows nothing of the genocides of Clorgon

knows

↓

or the tragic events of 65.3432.2314.

events tragic

↓

And even if he did, he wouldn't comprehend them.

↓

I've dwelt among the humans.

among humans

↓

Their entire culture is built around their penises.

built culture entire penises

↓

It's funny to say they are small.

funny

↓

It's funny to say they are big.

funny

↓

I've been at parties

parties

↓

where humans have held bottles, pencils, thermoses

bottles held humans pencils

↓

in front of themselves and called out

called front

↓

"Hey, look at me. I'm Mr. So-and-so-dick.

dick

↓

I've got such-and-such for a penis."

penis

↓

I never saw it fail to get a laugh.

fail laugh

↓

Alright! That's enough!

alright

↓

You guys are talking about my species.

species

↓

We understand genocide. We do it sometimes.

genocide sometimes

↓

Then you would give your penis

penis

↓

so that Shrimply Pibbles might live?

live might

↓

- Stop asking! - Yes, I will!

asking

↓

That's right, assholes.

assholes

↓

Take my penis. Take it all!

penis

↓

And tell Shrimply Pibbles

↓

that when the galaxy came calling

calling galaxy

↓

Jerry Smith from Earth didn't flinch!

earth flinch jerry smith

↓

[laughs]

laughs

↓

Hey, what's wrong, Morty?

morty

↓

Oh, you're worried about your dad, huh?

worried

↓

Huh? Oh, no, no, no.

↓

I'm just, I'm just looking

looking

↓

at that lady over there getting coffee.

coffee lady

↓

What's up with her face?

face

↓

Is she human, or is she like Worf?

human

↓

You know, Worf from "Star Trek"

star star-trek trek

↓

how he has all that shit all over his face

face

↓

but he's just a human in a costume, you know?

costume human

↓

Morty, uh, let's see what else is on, huh?

morty

↓

Okay.

↓

And now we're back to "How Did I Get Here?"

↓

The only show that makes you ask yourself

makes

↓

"How did I get here?"

↓

[chuckles] Here's our first person.

chuckles person

↓

Oh. Oh, my god.

↓

How did I get here?

↓

Hello?

↓

How did I get here?! Somebody, help me, please!

somebody

↓

[man laughs] 'Alright!'

alright laughs

↓

Holy crap! Look, it's that lady

holy lady

↓

with the shit on her face like Worf

face

↓

from "Star Trek" that-that was getting coffee!

coffee star star-trek trek

↓

How did she get there?!

↓

Oh, my God, Morty, how did she get there?

morty

↓

[laughs] How did she get there?

laughs

↓

Is that something we should be concerned about?

concerned

↓

Just stay away from the coffee machine.

coffee coffee-machine machine

↓

(male #2) 'Calling all Jan-Michael Vincents.'

calling male michael

↓

'Calling all Jan-Michael Vincents.'

calling michael

↓

(male announcer #2) In a world

announcer male world

↓

where there's eight Jan-Michael Vincents..

eight michael

↓

(male #2) We need one Jan-Michael Vincent

male michael vincent

↓

to Quadrant "C."

↓

We need two Jan-Michael Vincents to Quadrant "E."

michael

↓

(male announcer #2) ...and 16 quadrants

announcer male

↓

there's only enough time for a Jan-Michael Vincent

michael vincent

↓

to make it to a quadrant.

↓

He can't be at two quadrants at once.

↓

Hey, Rick, who-who is Jan-Michael Vincent?

michael rick vincent

↓

Oh, man. I'm trying to remember, Morty.

morty remember

↓

(male announcer #2) Jan-Michael Vincents are used up.

announcer male michael used

↓

[gunshots]

gunshots

↓

I need a Goddamn Jan-Michael Vincent.

goddamn michael vincent

↓

Is it important that we know who Jan-Michael Vincent was..

michael vincent

↓

- ...in order to get this? - Nope.

nope order

↓

I-I refuse to sign the legislation that allows

allows refuse sign

↓

'more than eight Jan-Michael Vincents to a precinct.'

eight michael

↓

(male announcer #2) This Jan-uary

announcer male

↓

it's time to Michael down your Vincents.

michael

↓

"Jan Quadrant Vincent 16."

vincent

↓

- Whoa! - Whoa!

whoa

↓

That's Jan-Michaels.

↓

Excuse me, nurse, can you take my temperature

excuse nurse temperature

↓

because I think I have

↓

Jan Quadrant Vincent fever over here.

fever vincent

↓

[chuckles] Alright, Morty! You've done it.

alright chuckles morty

↓

So, we'll be detaching your sexual organ at the base

base organ sexual

↓

by making incisions here, here, and here.

↓

- Got it. - Leaving a partial length..

leaving length partial

↓

...of severed urethra to be threaded through--

severed

↓

[laughs] Oh, you know what, I got to,

laughs

↓

I got to laugh at myself here.

laugh

↓

I'm having a little laugh at myself

having laugh

↓

because I just realized I haven't run

realized

↓

this whole decision past my wife.

decision past whole wife

↓

Oh. Do you think..

↓

- ...she'll be okay with this? - Oh, absolutely.

absolutely shell

↓

Beth's automatically on board always

automatically board

↓

with every decision I make.

decision

↓

Hey, I'm Stealy.

↓

Follow me on my adventure through this office.

adventure follow office

↓

Alright, here we go. We're gonna just steal

alright steal

↓

a couple of things.

couple

↓

Excuse me. Can I help you?

excuse

↓

Starting with common office objects.

common objects office starting

↓

Hey, hey, hey! That's my stuff!

stuff

↓

Such as staplers and pins

pins

↓

and all sorts of things like, such as that.

sorts

↓

That's it. I'm calling security.

calling security

↓

[muffled grunting] No!

grunting muffled

↓

[instrumental music]

instrumental instrumental-music music

↓

Alright, okay, now we're in the quiet safe room

alright quiet room safe

↓

where none of the people whose stuff I stole can get to us.

stole stuff

↓

Now, let's look at all the stuff we got.

stuff

↓

'We got a bag of bobbish. That's eight brapples.'

eight

↓

'We got a plumbus. That's six and half brapples.'

half

↓

'We got, uh, a cru-crushed red party cups.'

crushed cups party

↓

'Fifteen and half brapples.'

fifteen half

↓

[dings]

dings

↓

Welcome back to "Funny Songs."

funny songs welcome

↓

It's all improvised. It's very funny.

funny

↓

I need a volunteer from the audience.

audience volunteer

↓

Um, long time fan of the show, uh--

↓

What do you do? What's your profession?

profession

↓

I am a tax attorney.

attorney

↓

Okay, here we go. Hit-hit the music.

music

↓

[instrumental music]

instrumental instrumental-music music

↓

♪ I'm a tax attorney ♪

attorney

↓

♪ Oh geez oh ♪

geez

↓

♪ Forget about everybody else ♪

everybody forget

↓

♪ Forget about Jesus Christ ♪

christ forget jesus jesus-christ

↓

♪ Forget about Muhammad ♪

forget

↓

♪ Forget about uh.. ♪

forget

↓

♪ All those religions ♪

↓

♪ Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-bop ♪♪

↓

The end.

↓

Oh, my God. Oh, that was so, so funny.

funny

↓

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

welcome

↓

Hey, um, security guards, take him out.

guards security

↓

- Get him out of here. - What?

↓

(male #3) 'Get the orthodontist out of here.'

male

↓

No, why?

↓

'Take him out of the audience.'

audience

↓

'Kill him. Sic him.'

kill

↓

'Demons, suck his life out.'

demons life suck

↓

I don't give a shit.

↓

- Smith family? - Yes?

family smith

↓

I wanted to let you all know that Jerry is doing just fine.

jerry wanted

↓

- Yay! - Yes!

↓

Whoo-hoo! That's good news!

news whoo

↓

But, uh, Mrs. Smith, could you come with me?

smith

↓

Hi, honey, so, here's the thing

honey

↓

these guys, they want to completely remove

completely remove

↓

my penis and use it as an alien's heart.

aliens heart penis

↓

And we just need you to sign off on it.

sign

↓

- What? - Uh-oh.

↓

Maybe we got a problem here after all, guys.

problem

↓

- Yikes. - His penis..

penis yikes

↓

...will be replaced with a sophisticated prosthetic.

prosthetic replaced sophisticated

↓

Now, there's a wide range of options to choose from.

choose options range wide

↓

They're all in this catalogue.

↓

I don't care about prosthetics. This is insane.

care insane

↓

What do you people think you're doing?

↓

I understand your feelings, Mrs. Smith.

feelings smith

↓

Oh, I don't think you do.

↓

I bring my husband in for emergency treatment.

bring emergency husband treatment

↓

He's gone an hour.

gone hour

↓

And now you want his penis, and you hand me some...catalog.

hand penis

↓

It's-it's-it's-it's, I mean..

↓

Sheesh. Well, there you go.

↓

Sorry. I know

↓

it's hard to understand, but on Earth, love comes first.

comes earth hard love

↓

There are those that believe, Mr. Smith

believe smith

↓

that Shrimply Pibbles

↓

represents love between all life.

life love represents

↓

His fate will determine the fate of hundreds of billions..

billions determine fate hundreds

↓

- ...of sentient life-forms. - Whoa!

forms life whoa

↓

Whoa. So, billions of life-forms?

billions forms life whoa

↓

Hundreds of billions.

billions hundreds

↓

I mean, Jerry, y-you didn't explain

explain jerry

↓

the full gravity of the situation.

full gravity situation

↓

Uh, well, Beth, I don't think your decision

beth decision

↓

should be based on politics.

based politics

↓

Who could argue with a wife's decision

argue decision wifes

↓

to keep her lover intact?

intact lover

↓

Well, I don't think that's fair at all, Jerry.

fair jerry

↓

At all. In fact, the whole paradigm

fact whole

↓

has sexist overtones.

sexist

↓

Beth, can we talk about this privately?

beth privately

↓

You know, I think the bottom line is, Jerry

bottom bottom-line jerry line

↓

if you want to keep your penis, you should say, out loud

loud penis

↓

"I prefer to keep my penis."

penis prefer

↓

But, Beth, what kind of man would say something like

beth

↓

that if the universe needed his penis?

needed penis universe

↓

Well, Jerry, what kind of wife would I be

jerry wife

↓

if I did anything to stand in your way?

stand

↓

Hey, listen, is your mouth tiny and small?

mouth tiny

↓

'Then why don't you come to Lil' Bits..'

bits

↓

[man whispering] Lil' Bits!

bits whispering

↓

...where-where the food is tiny.

food tiny

↓

It looks like regular food, but really tiny.

food regular tiny

↓

You can put it in your mouth and eat it.

mouth

↓

Nothing gets stuck in your lips.

lips stuck

↓

[chuckles] It's just tiny and tiny and fits right..

chuckles fits tiny

↓

- Fits right in. - Lil' Bits!

bits fits

↓

'We got tiny lasagna, tiny pizza, tiny pie.'

lasagna pizza tiny

↓

Mm! Little tiny fried eggs.

eggs fried tiny

↓

Oh, shit. We got tiny people.

tiny

↓

- Lil' Bits! - You hungry?

bits hungry

↓

- Come on down. - Lil' Bits.

bits

↓

Eat some fucking shit, you fucking stupid bitch.

bitch fucking fucking-stupid stupid stupid-bitch

↓

[chuckles] Just kidding.

chuckles kidding

↓

You've got some time to kill before the procedure

kill procedure

↓

so I assume you'd like to, uh

assume

↓

use your penis one last time.

penis

↓

Here's my computer.

computer

↓

It's got the alien Internet on it.

alien internet

↓

Here's some porn.

porn

↓

And there's an alien towel.

alien towel

↓

I actually got that on another planet.

another another-planet planet

↓

So it is an alien towel to me.

alien towel

↓

- Good luck. - Thanks.

luck thanks

↓

[door closes]

closes door door-closes

↓

[sighs]

sighs

↓

What is this?

↓

Hm. Hey, wait a minute.

minute

↓

- 'Oh, uh, Mr. Smith?' - Uh, yeah, just masturbating!

masturbating smith

↓

I forgot to mention

forgot mention

↓

there are extensive medical records open on my desktop

extensive medical open records

↓

but I trust you to confine your activities

activities trust

↓

to the purely pornographic.

pornographic purely

↓

- Absolutely! - Good luck.

absolutely luck

↓

[door closes]

closes door door-closes

↓

[clicks]

clicks

↓

[chuckles] My god!

chuckles

↓

Mr. Pibbles, you just wrote my penis

penis wrote

↓

a one-way ticket to staying on my body town.

body staying ticket town

↓

(male announcer #3) It's the "Opposite News"

announcer male news opposite

↓

with Michael Thompson.

michael thompson

↓

Hey, everybody. It's me, Michael Thompson.

everybody michael thompson

↓

Today the Pope didn't get killed.

killed pope today

↓

He's perfectly fine. And he's on vacation in Aruba.

aruba perfectly vacation

↓

In other opposite news, information..

information news opposite

↓

Rick, what's the deal with this guy?

deal rick

↓

W-why is his body, like, sloping off

body

↓

to the right side of the screen like that?

screen side

↓

I don't know, Morty. See what else is on, huh?

morty

↓

Hey, welcome to "Cooking Things."

cooking welcome

↓

I'm Pichael Thompson.

thompson

↓

Hey, wait a minute, Rick.

minute rick

↓

This guy's body is, like, sloping down

body

↓

and leaning off to screen left.

leaning left screen

↓

Oh, my God, and his name's Pichael.

names

↓

I'm cooking a little bit of this.

cooking

↓

I'm gonna cook a little bit of that.

cook

↓

Oh, oh, hey! Stop tugging, Michael!

michael

↓

Oh, my God! Siamese twins!

siamese twins

↓

They're-they're Siamese twins!

siamese twins

↓

You quit tugging. I-I'm in the middle of my news.

middle news quit

↓

Oh, oh, it's always about you, isn't it?

↓

Can you believe this guy, ladies and gentlemen?

believe gentlemen ladies

↓

He's got his own news show. He's got a normal name.

name news normal

↓

- Hey, flip back to the news. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

flip news

↓

You could tell our parents started with naming with him.

naming parents started

↓

It's like, "Oh, Michael."

michael

↓

T-they had that one planned

planned

↓

before they even got pregnant, I bet.

pregnant

↓

I don't want to be that girl

girl

↓

but maybe there would be less conflict

conflict less

↓

if they didn't shoot their shows at the same time.

shoot shows

↓

Oh, Summer, you have no idea

idea summer

↓

how much money that must save production.

money must production save

↓

And then they found out I was attached

attached found

↓

along for the ride, and they said, "Ah, shit.

along ride

↓

Well, just fuck it, call him Pichael."

fuck

↓

Fuck you, Pichael. You're a fucking piece of shit.

fuck fucking piece

↓

[indistinct chatter]

chatter indistinct indistinct-chatter

↓

Good afternoon.

afternoon

↓

I know all of you are wondering

wondering

↓

about the condition of our dear, beloved Pibbles.

beloved condition dear

↓

Which would you prefer between the XP-20 and the XP-20 XS?

prefer

↓

I prefer my own penis, and so should you!

penis prefer

↓

The brave Earth man whose sacrifice

brave earth sacrifice

↓

is going to allow Shrimply Pibbles to live

allow live

↓

Mr. Jerry Smith.

jerry smith

↓

Hello, everyone!

↓

Let's hear it again for Shrimply Pibbles, huh?

↓

'He's a good guy, isn't he?'

↓

I've only just been learning about his accomplishments

accomplishments learning

↓

from his march on Flirk Blirk Square

march square

↓

to his ongoing battle with heroin dependency.

battle heroin

↓

He's the best.

best

↓

[cheering and applause]

applause cheering

↓

Um, yeah.

↓

Well, it-it occurs to me that his heroin addiction

addiction heroin occurs

↓

may not have been a matter of public record.

matter public record

↓

You realize heroin makes up ten percent of the atmosphere

atmosphere heroin makes percent realize

↓

on Shrimply Pibbles' home planet.

home planet

↓

His planet was destroyed by Clorgon death squads.

death destroyed planet

↓

He can't live outside of it without breathing heroin.

breathing heroin live

↓

Right. I know that.

↓

I just think..

↓

This guy's trying to get out of giving away his penis!

giving penis

↓

[crowd shouting]

crowd shouting

↓

(male narrator #1) Today on "How They Do It"

male narrator today

↓

Plumbuses.

↓

Everyone has a plumbus in their home.

home

↓

First, they take the dinglebop

↓

and they smooth it out with a bunch of schleem.

bunch smooth

↓

The schleem is then repurposed for later batches.

↓

They take the dinglebop

↓

and they push it through the grumbo

push

↓

where the fleeb is rubbed against it.

rubbed

↓

It's important that the fleeb is rubbed

rubbed

↓

because the fleeb has all of the fleeb juice.

juice

↓

Then a schlami shows up, and he rubs it and spits on it.

rubs shows spits

↓

They cut the fleeb.

↓

There's several hizards in the way.

several

↓

The blamfs rub against the chumbles.

↓

And the ploobis and grumbo are shaved away.

shaved

↓

That leaves you with a regular, old plumbus.

leaves regular

↓

I always wondered how, uh, plumbuses got made.

wondered

↓

Hey, welcome back to "Personal Space."

personal space welcome

↓

I'm your host Phillip Jacobs

host phillip

↓

and let me tell you, I care about my personal space.

care personal space

↓

Whoa, whoa. Hey.

whoa

↓

Who's around me right now? Who's around me?

↓

Now, why don't we step up here and everybody get stepped up

everybody step stepped

↓

and let's get some stepped-up personal space

personal space stepped

↓

up in this place? Here we go.

place

↓

We get a one, personal space. Two, personal space.

personal space

↓

Three, stay out of my personal space.

personal space three

↓

Four, keep away from my personal space.

four personal space

↓

Five, get out of that personal space.

five personal space

↓

'Six, stay away from my personal space.'

personal space

↓

Seven, keep away from that personal space.

personal seven space

↓

'Eight, personal space.'

eight personal space

↓

Nine, personal space.

nine personal space

↓

You know, I take personal space pretty seriously

personal space

↓

up to the point that I don't even care about this..

care point

↓

I'm not even interested in having

having interested

↓

this skin on my personal space.

personal skin space

↓

[groans]

groans

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

- Ohh, it hurts! - 'Gross!'

gross hurts

↓

(Rick) 'What an asshole!'

asshole rick

↓

Ohh, tune in next week..

tune week

↓

...to the best show ever

best

↓

the show we all grew and love

grew love

↓

"The Personal Space Show."

personal space

↓

(male announcer #4) More "personal space" next Tuesday at 8:00.

announcer male personal space tuesday

↓

Up next, the heat is turning up

heat turning

↓

with Samantha and the boys on "The Northsiders."

boys samantha

↓

[speaking in alien language]

alien language speaking

↓

[whistle blows]

blows whistle whistle-blows

↓

splat

↓

If you could all just stop screaming and chanting

chanting screaming

↓

and making whatever that gesture means--

gesture

↓

Excuse me. Come on.

excuse

↓

Please, everyone, I have news about Shrimply Pibbles.

news

↓

Word of Jerry Smith

jerry smith word

↓

trying to weasel out of his penis donation

donation penis weasel

↓

has spread across the galaxy.

galaxy spread

↓

Beings everywhere have come together

beings

↓

to offer what little they have to help save Shrimply's life.

life offer save

↓

Enough to pay for a brand-new

brand

↓

state-of-the-art synthetic heart

heart state

↓

that will be even better than Mr. Smith's pathetic penis.

pathetic penis smiths

↓

Wait, that was an option the whole time?

option whole

↓

- You guys suck! - Yeah.

suck

↓

we suck. Are you still here?

suck

↓

Okay, Jerry. Let's head home.

head head-home home jerry

↓

I can't leave now. Everyone hates me.

hates

↓

Unfortunately, there's no surgical procedure

procedure surgical unfortunately

↓

that can fix that.

↓

[crowd cheering]

cheering crowd crowd-cheering

↓

Or is there?

↓

[monitor beeping]

beeping monitor monitor-beeping

↓

- Scalpel. - Scalpel.

scalpel

↓

- Nano-doctor. - Nano-doctor.

doctor

↓

- Nano-scalpel. - Nano-scalpel.

scalpel

↓

Okay. We're ready.

ready

↓

Not so fast!

fast

↓

Mr. Smith? What are you doing?

smith

↓

- Are you insane? - I'm a good person..

insane person

↓

...and I demand that you cut off my penis

demand penis

↓

and put it in that man's chest.

chest mans

↓

That's not how it works!

works

↓

Well, you're gonna make it work.

↓

[knock on car window]

knock window

↓

[laughs] I'm Octopus Man!

laughs octopus

↓

[laughs] I'm Octopus Man!

laughs octopus

↓

I'm a marine biologist who was bitten by an octopus.

bitten marine octopus

↓

[laughs]

laughs

↓

And now I'm-I help people.

↓

I save people.

save

↓

I'm a troublesome octopus person.

octopus person

↓

Uh-oh.

↓

I got to save some trouble

save trouble

↓

because here comes a trouble mite.

comes trouble

↓

- Oh! - 'Gross!'

gross

↓

Does all inter dimensional TV

↓

have to rely on juvenile violence?

juvenile rely violence

↓

Well, Summer, maybe people that create things

create summer

↓

aren't concerned with your delicate

concerned delicate

↓

sensibilities, you know?

↓

May-maybe the species that communicate

communicate species

↓

with each other through the filter of your comfort

comfort filter

↓

are less evolved than the ones that just communicate!

communicate evolved less ones

↓

Maybe your problems are your own to deal with

deal problems

↓

and maybe the public giving a shit about your feelings

feelings giving public

↓

is a one-way ticket to extinction!

ticket

↓

Geez, Morty. I take it

geez morty

↓

Cathrine Hefflefinger hasn't texted you back yet.

texted

↓

I don't want to talk about it.

↓

Okay, guys, let's go home.

home

↓

- Where's dad? - Breaking news.

breaking breaking-news news

↓

Shrimply Pibbles is being held hostage

held hostage

↓

by the human known as Jerry Smith.

human jerry known smith

↓

Remove my penis!

penis remove

↓

[gasps] Holy crap!

gasps holy

↓

It's cool. It's fine.

cool

↓

It's got to be from an alternate reality, right?

reality

↓

- Are you sure? - I don't know.

↓

Do it! Do it! Remove my penis!

penis remove

↓

Sir, put the gun down

↓

and step away from Mr. Pibbles!

step

↓

- Jerry! - Dad, what are you doing?!

jerry

↓

I'm a good person. I'm a good person.

person

↓

Where did he get a gun? Who gave him a gun?

↓

That's not a gun. That's the XP-20 XS.

↓

[whirring] Ah!

whirring

↓

- Oh, my God. - I'm a good person.

person

↓

[gunshot]

gunshot

↓

[screaming]

screaming

↓

No!

↓

[distorted grunting]

distorted grunting

↓

- No! - No!

↓

[monitor beeping]

beeping monitor monitor-beeping

↓

[both screaming]

screaming

↓

(male #4) Hey, how's it going?

male

↓

This is my butthole ice cream parlor.

butthole cream parlor

↓

I got all kinds of ice cream, peanut butter and jelly.

butter cream jelly kinds peanut peanut-butter

↓

Vanilla, chocolate

chocolate vanilla

↓

and every flavor

flavor

↓

served out of a butthole. Just like you're back home.

butthole home served

↓

- Dad! - Dad!

↓

What happened? Where am I?

happened

↓

Was it all a dream?

dream

↓

No, you were shot like 50 times.

shot times

↓

Fifty-seven.

fifty seven

↓

Thankfully, you're in a super sophisticated alien hospital

alien hospital sophisticated super thankfully

↓

so it was basically like getting a splinter removed.

removed splinter

↓

All-all I wanted was for everyone to like me.

wanted

↓

Jerry, remember that time you left a comment

comment jerry left remember

↓

underneath that YouTube video and someone replied

underneath video youtube

↓

and called you a dumbass, so you replied and told them

called dumbass

↓

"It takes one to know one," and you stayed up all night

night stayed takes

↓

hitting "refresh" on your browser

hitting refresh

↓

waiting for them to reply and then you fell asleep crying?

asleep crying fell fell-asleep reply waiting

↓

I remember it differently.

differently remember

↓

This is like that. You can't make people like you.

↓

You just have to wait for hating you to bore them.

bore hating

↓

You know, you're right. I shouldn't be motivated

motivated

↓

by other people's opinions of me.

opinions peoples

↓

Alright, guys, let's go home.

alright home

↓

If it's all the same to you, Rick

rick

↓

I'd like to go to the zoo.

↓

- With my family. - What?!

family

↓

What are you talking about?!

↓

It's a stupid idea! What's the matter with you?

idea matter stupid stupid-idea

↓

Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We'll go home.

home

↓

What the hell is he talking about?!

↓

[theme music]

music theme theme-music

↓

- Aah! - I'm the Eye Hole Man!

hole

↓

What is going on? Aah!

↓

Give me my eye holes! Give me my eye holes!

holes

↓

- Give me my eye holes! - ...mine, Jerry!

holes jerry

↓

Why do you even have those?

↓

- Give me my eye holes! - Help me, please!

holes

↓

Get up on out of here with my eye holes!

holes