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Home » Rick and Morty » S01E04 — M Night Shaym-Aliens!

Rick and Morty

Season 1, Episode 4 — M Night Shaym-Aliens!

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: M. Night Shaym-Aliens!

Air date: January 13, 2014

Director: Jeff Myers

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Rick and Morty try to get to the bottom of a mystery in this M. Night Shyamalan style twistaroony of an episode!

Source: TMDB

↓

NOW, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT?

↓

Morty: UMM...

morty

↓

COME ON, MORTY.

morty

↓

ISN'T YOUR GRANDPA, LIKE, A SCIENTIST?

grandpa scientist

↓

Morty: OH, YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, HE TOLD ME THAT I

morty

↓

SHOULDN'T GO AROUND SPOUTING OFF ABOUT, YOU KNOW, HIS SCIENCE AND

science spouting

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STUFF.

stuff

↓

I BET YOU'VE SEEN HIM MAKE CONCENTRATED DARK MATTER A LOT.

dark matter seen

↓

YOU KNOW, IF YOU TELL US, I'LL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

girlfriend

↓

Morty: UH, Y-YOU WILL?

morty

↓

SEEMS LIKE A RARE OPPORTUNITY, MORTY.

morty opportunity rare seems

↓

[ BLAM! ] Rick: MORTY, U-UH, COME ON.

morty rick

↓

THERE'S A FAMILY EMERGENCY.

emergency family

↓

STOP RIGHT THERE!

↓

IF HE LEAVES, I'M GIVING HIM AN "F."

giving leaves

↓

Rick: HE DOESN'T CARE.

care rick

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Morty: AW, MAN!

morty

↓

RICK, I HAVE TO GO BACK!

rick

↓

I THINK I WAS ABOUT TO GET MARRIED!

married

↓

UGH!

↓

Rick: TAKE A SHOWER WITH ME, MORTY.

morty rick shower

↓

Morty: WHAT?!

morty

↓

Rick: LISTEN TO ME, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

GET YOUR CLOTHES OFF AND GET IN THE SHOWER RIGHT NOW.

clothes shower

↓

Y-Y-Y-YOU GOT TO TRUST ME, MORTY.

morty trust

↓

Morty: UGH!

morty

↓

I'M GONNA GET AN "F" IN CLASS, RICK.

class rick

↓

Rick: MORTY, THAT'S NOT CLASS.

class morty rick

↓

T-T-T-THAT WASN'T YOUR TEACHER.

teacher

↓

THIS ISN'T YOUR SCHOOL.

school

↓

THIS ENTIRE WORLD IS NOT THE WORLD.

entire entire-world world

↓

WE'RE INSIDE A HUGE SIMULATION CHAMBER ON AN ALIEN SPACESHIP.

alien chamber huge simulation

↓

Morty: WAIT A MINUTE.

minute morty

↓

W-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

↓

Rick: IT'S ALL FAKE [BURPS] MORTY -- ALL OF IT.

burps fake morty rick

↓

NANOBOTIC RENDERINGS, A BUNCH OF CRAZY FAKE NONSENSE, MORTY.

bunch crazy fake morty nonsense

↓

I COULDN'T SAY SO UNTIL WE GOT IN THE SHOWER.

shower

↓

THEY WON'T MONITOR US IN HERE.

monitor

↓

Morty: MONITOR US?! W-WHO?!

monitor morty

↓

Rick: ZIGERION SCAMMERS, MORTY -- THE GALAXY'S MOST

morty rick

↓

AMBITIOUS, LEAST SUCCESSFUL CON ARTISTS.

ambitious artists least successful

↓

YOU KNOW, IT'S LUCKY FOR US THEY'RE ALSO REALLY

lucky

↓

UNCOMFORTABLE WITH NUDITY.

nudity uncomfortable

↓

Morty: AW, COME ON, RICK.

morty rick

↓

IF EVERYONE'S JUST GONNA BE INSANE TODAY, AT LEAST LET ME BE

everyones insane least today

↓

INSANE WITH JESSICA.

insane jessica

↓

Rick: I CAN'T [BURPS] LET YOU DO THAT, MORTY.

burps morty rick

↓

Morty: GIVE IT TO ME!

morty

↓

Rick: NO! [ BURPS ] YOU GIVE IT TO ME!

burps rick

↓

Morty: G-G-GIVE IT! NO, RICK!

morty rick

↓

[ ALIENS GROANING ] OH, GOD, SIR!

aliens groaning

↓

THEY'RE STILL NAKED!

naked

↓

UGH.

↓

WELL, CHECK EVERY FIVE QUINTONS AND TELL ME WHEN THEY'RE NOT.

check five

↓

I THINK WE SHOULD MAKE KEVIN LOOK, SIR.

kevin

↓

WHAT?! NO!

↓

W-W-WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT?

↓

UH, SIR, WE HAVE A SITUATION OVER HERE.

situation

↓

IF THERE'S A WIENER ON THAT MONITOR, I SWEAR TO GOD, STU...

monitor swear wiener

↓

SOMETHING IS DRAWING A LOT OF PROCESSING POWER.

drawing power processing

↓

OH, WAIT. NO WONDER.

wonder

↓

THERE'S ANOTHER REAL HUMAN IN THE SIMULATOR.

another human real simulator

↓

Jerry: OKAY, JERRY -- BIG PITCH MEETING.

jerry meeting pitch

↓

MAKE-OR-BREAK TIME.

break

↓

[ WHIRRIN ] YOU CAN DO THIS.

↓

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!

happen

↓

WHERE'S THE ABDUCTIONS DEPARTMENT?

department

↓

HEY, MAN, ABDUCTIONS JUST FOLLOWS THE ACQUISITION ORDER.

acquisition follows order

↓

DON'T PUT THIS ON ACQUISITIONS!

↓

WE ONLY ACQUIRE HUMANS THAT HAVEN'T BEEN SIMULATED!

humans

↓

WELL, SIMULATIONS DOESN'T SIMULATE ANYBODY THAT'S BEEN

anybody

↓

ABDUCTED, SO [CHUCKLES] OH, I SEE! OH, OH!

abducted chuckles

↓

IT WAS NO ONE'S FAULT.

fault ones

↓

OH, OKAY. [ CHUCKLES ] I'M SORRY.

chuckles

↓

WELL, THEN, PROBLEM SOLVED.

problem problem-solved solved

↓

OH, WAIT -- NO.

↓

THERE'S STILL ANOTHER HUMAN IN HERE!

another another-human human

↓

WHO IS HE?

↓

RICK'S SON-IN-LAW, JERRY SMITH.

jerry smith

↓

SO FAR, HE HASN'T NOTICED HE'S IN A SIMULATION.

noticed simulation

↓

[ SIGHS ] WELL, CAP HIS SECTOR AT 5%

sector sighs

↓

PROCESSING, KEEP HIS SETTINGS ON AUTO, AND WE'LL DEAL WITH HIM

auto deal processing settings

↓

LATER.

↓

RICK SANCHEZ IS THE TARGET.

rick sanchez target

↓

Jerry: [ INHALES DEEPLY ] GOT TO RELAX.

deeply inhales inhales-deeply jerry relax

↓

IT'S JUST A PITCH.

pitch

↓

GOT TO RELAX.

relax

↓

[ CLICK ] [ STATIC ]

click static

↓

THIS IS EARTH RADIO.

earth radio

↓

AND NOW, HERE'S...HUMAN MUSIC.

human music

↓

[ REPETITIVE RHYTHMIC BEEPIN ] Jerry: HMM. HUMAN MUSIC.

human jerry music rhythmic

↓

I LIKE IT.

↓

[ BEEPING CONTINUE ] [ RICK AND MORTY PANTING ]

beeping continue morty panting rick

↓

Morty: RICK!

morty rick

↓

Rick: UHP, UHP, UHP!

rick

↓

MORTY, KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF YOUR DING-DONG!

ding ding-dong dong hands morty

↓

IT'S THE ONLY WAY WE CAN SPEAK FREELY.

freely speak

↓

LOOK AROUND YOU, MORTY.

morty

↓

DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS [BURPS] WORLD IS REAL?

burps real world

↓

YOU'D HAVE TO BE AN IDIOT NOT TO NOTICE ALL THE SLOPPY DETAILS.

details idiot notice sloppy

↓

LOOK -- THAT GUY'S PUTTING A BUN BETWEEN TWO HOT DOGS.

dogs putting

↓

Morty: I DON'T KNOW, RICK.

morty rick

↓

I MEAN, I'VE SEEN PEOPLE DO THAT BEFORE.

seen

↓

Rick: WELL, LOOK AT THAT OLD LADY.

lady rick

↓

SHE'S -- SHE'S WALKING A CAT ON A LEASH.

leash walking

↓

Morty: UH, MRS. SPENCER DOES THAT ALL THE TIME, RICK.

morty rick

↓

Rick: LOOK, I-I-I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MRS. SPENCER,

rick

↓

MORTY!

morty

↓

SHE'S AN IDIOT!

idiot

↓

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, THERE.

↓

W-WHAT ABOUT THAT, MORTY?

morty

↓

Morty: OKAY, OKAY, YOU GOT ME ON THAT ONE.

morty

↓

Rick: OH, REALLY, MORTY?

morty rick

↓

ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THAT SOMEWHERE IN REAL LIFE

life real real-life seen

↓

BEFORE?

↓

Morty: NO, NO.

morty

↓

I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT.

seen

↓

I MEAN, WHY WOULD A POP TART WANT TO LIVE INSIDE A TOASTER,

live tart toaster

↓

RICK?

rick

↓

I MEAN, THAT WOULD BE, LIKE, THE SCARIEST PLACE FOR THEM TO LIVE.

live place scariest

↓

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

↓

Rick: YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT, MORTY.

missing morty point rick

↓

WHY WOULD HE DRIVE A SMALLER TOASTER WITH WHEELS?

drive smaller toaster wheels

↓

I MEAN, DOES YOUR CAR LOOK LIKE A SMALLER VERSION OF YOUR HOUSE?

house smaller version

↓

NO.

↓

Morty: SO, WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS?

morty

↓

W-WHAT DO THEY WANT?

↓

Rick: WELL, THAT WOULD BE OBVIOUS TO YOU, MORTY, IF YOU'D

morty obvious rick

↓

BEEN PAYING ATTENTION.

attention paying paying-attention

↓

[ SIREN WAILS ] [ TIRES SCREECH ]

screech siren siren-wails tires tires-screech wails

↓

WE GOT THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IN HERE!

president states united united-states

↓

WE NEED 10cc OF CONCENTRATED DARK MATTER, STAT, OR HE'LL DIE!

dark matter stat

↓

Morty: CONCENTRATED DARK MATTER?

dark matter morty

↓

THEY WERE ASKING ABOUT THAT IN CLASS.

asking class

↓

Rick: YEAH, IT'S A SPECIAL FUEL I INVENTED TO TRAVEL

fuel invented rick special travel

↓

THROUGH SPACE FASTER THAN ANYBODY ELSE.

anybody faster space

↓

THESE ZIGERIONS ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO SCAM ME OUT OF MY

scam

↓

SECRETS, BUT THEY MADE A BIG MISTAKE THIS TIME, MORTY.

mistake morty secrets

↓

THEY DRAGGED YOU INTO THIS.

dragged

↓

NOW THEY'RE GONNA PAY!

↓

Morty: WHAT DO YOU -- W-W-WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

morty

↓

Rick: WE'LL SCAM THE SCAMMERS, MORTY.

morty rick scam

↓

AND WE'RE GONNA TAKE THEM FOR EVERYTHING THEY'VE GOT.

↓

Jerry: NATIONAL APPLE FARMERS OF AMERICA, WELCOME TO OUR AD

america apple farmers jerry national welcome

↓

AGENCY.

agency

↓

I'M JERRY SMITH.

jerry smith

↓

ALL RIGHT.

↓

I'LL JUST...GET TO THE PITCH.

pitch

↓

UM, SIMPLE QUESTION, GENTLEMEN, [ Hoarsely ] WHAT ARE APPLES?

apples gentlemen question simple simple-question

↓

[ CLEARS THROAT ] EXCUSE ME.

clears clears-throat excuse throat

↓

AHH.

↓

[ COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT ] WHAT ARE APPLES?

apples clears clears-throat coughs throat

↓

APPLES ARE FOOD.

apples food

↓

AND...WHEN DO WE NEED FOOD?

food

↓

WHEN WE'RE HUNGRY.

hungry

↓

WITH THAT, I GIVE YOU YOUR NEW SLOGAN!

↓

[ SIGHS ] WELL, SAY SOMETHING!

sighs

↓

DO YOU LIKE IT?

↓

YES.

↓

Jerry: YOU DO?

jerry

↓

All: YES.

↓

Jerry: SO...I SOLD IT?

jerry sold

↓

[ LAUGHS ] I SOLD THE IDEA?

idea laughs sold

↓

All: YES.

↓

Jerry: OH, MY GOD! THANK YOU!

jerry

↓

Together: THANK YOU.

↓

YOU'RE WELCOME.

welcome

↓

[ "BAKER STREET" PLAYS ] Jerry: HEY!

baker baker-street jerry plays street

↓

I JUST SOLD MY FIRST PITCH!

pitch sold

↓

[ DIALING ] SLOW DOWN!

dialing slow

↓

LOOKIN' GOOD.

lookin

↓

MY MAN!

↓

[ BEEPING, TELEPHONE RINGING ] Robot Beth: HELLO.

beeping beth ringing robot telephone

↓

Jerry: GUESS WHO JUST SOLD THE APPLES CAMPAIGN.

apples campaign jerry sold

↓

Robot Beth: WHO JUST SOLD THE APPLES CAMPAIGN?

apples beth campaign robot sold

↓

Jerry: ME!

jerry

↓

I GUESS IT WASN'T A RIP-OFF OF "GOT MILK?" AFTER ALL.

milk

↓

GUESS SOMEONE WAS WRONG.

↓

Robot Beth: YES.

beth robot

↓

Jerry: WELL, ALL IS FORGIVEN, BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, I'VE GOT AN

forgiven jerry

↓

ERECTION THE SIZE OF AN EAST COAST LIGHTHOUSE, AND I'M

coast east east-coast erection lighthouse size

↓

COMING HOME TO SHARE IT WITH MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE.

coming coming-home home share wife

↓

Robot Beth: OKAY.

beth robot

↓

Jerry: WAIT -- REALLY?

jerry

↓

Robot Beth: YES.

beth robot

↓

Jerry: YES!

jerry

↓

SEE YOU IN 10 MINUTES!

minutes

↓

[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ] HEY!

beeps cellphone

↓

I'M GOING TO MAKE LOVE TO MY WIFE!

love wife

↓

LOOKIN' GOOD.

lookin

↓

SLOW DOWN!

slow

↓

MY MAN!

↓

[ BEEPING ] Morty: AW, GEEZ, RICK.

beeping geez morty rick

↓

I-I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE THIS PLAN, YOU KNOW?

plan

↓

I MEAN, CROWDS, T-T-T-THEY HAVE A TENDENCY TO MAKE ME REALLY

crowds

↓

NERVOUS.

nervous

↓

Rick: MORTY, RELAX.

morty relax rick

↓

IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF 1s AND 0s OUT THERE.

bunch

↓

YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.

↓

JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD.

follow lead

↓

YO, DEEJAY, DROP THAT BEAT.

beat drop

↓

[ HIP-HOP BEAT PLAYS ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

applause beat cheers plays

↓

UH-OH, MORTY.

morty

↓

THIS CROWD LOOKS TOO SMALL FOR ONE OF OUR FAMOUS RAP CONCERTS.

concerts crowd famous

↓

I DON'T THINK WE CAN PERFORM OUR NEW SONG, "THE RECIPE FOR

perform recipe song

↓

CONCENTRATED DARK MATTER," FOR A CROWD THIS TINY.

crowd dark matter tiny

↓

Morty: YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, RICK.

morty rick

↓

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] Rick: NOW THAT'S [BURPS]

applause burps cheers rick

↓

MORE LIKE IT!

↓

MORTY, HERE WE GO.

morty

↓

LET ME HEAR EVERYBODY SAY "HEY-OH!" YEAH!

everybody

↓

[ CROWD CHEERING ] ALL THE LADIES SAY, "YEAH!"

cheering crowd crowd-cheering ladies

↓

[ LADIES CHEERING ] EVERYBODY OVER 30, DO THIS WITH

cheering everybody ladies

↓

YOUR HANDS!

hands

↓

EVERYBODY WITH A RED SHIRT, JUMP UP AND DOWN!

everybody jump shirt

↓

[ BEEPING ] [ TIRES SCREECH ]

beeping screech tires tires-screech

↓

Jerry: MM. MM. MM.

jerry

↓

YEAH, DON'T MOVE.

↓

MM, MM, MM, MM!

↓

MM!

↓

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] Rick: YO, EVERYONE WHOSE

applause cheers rick

↓

FIRST NAME BEGINS WITH AN "L" WHO ISN'T HISPANIC, WALK IN A

begins name walk

↓

CIRCLE THE SAME NUMBER OF TIMES AS THE SQUARE ROOT OF YOUR AGE

circle number root square times

↓

TIMES 10!

times

↓

[ BEEPING ] RUN, MORTY!

beeping morty

↓

BEFORE THE SYSTEM REBOOTS!

system

↓

[ SQUEAKING ] Jerry: YEAH! YOU LIKE THAT?

jerry squeaking

↓

NOW WHO'S UNREMARKABLE?

↓

YOU HUNGRY FOR APPLES?

apples hungry

↓

[ SQUEAKING INTENSIFIES ] ARE YOU HUNGRY...FOR...APPLES?!

apples hungry squeaking

↓

[ SQUEAKING STOPS ] [ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

deeply sighs squeaking stops

↓

[ CHUCKLES ] OH, MY GOD.

chuckles

↓

THAT'S THE BEST SEX I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE.

best life

↓

IT'S...IT'S...TOO GOOD.

↓

I DON'T DESERVE THIS, BETH.

beth deserve

↓

I'M A FRAUD.

fraud

↓

Morty: OH, MAN, RICK!

morty rick

↓

W-W-W-WHERE WE RUNNING TO?

running

↓

Rick: OUT OF THE SIMULATION, MORTY.

morty rick simulation

↓

NORMALLY, THE CHAMBER OPERATES LIKE A TREADMILL, WITH THE

chamber normally operates treadmill

↓

VIRTUAL WORLD DISAPPEARING BEHIND US AND BEING RENDERED IN

behind virtual world

↓

FRONT OF US AS WE MOVE THROUGH IT, BUT WHILE IT'S FROZEN,

front frozen

↓

MORTY, WE CAN GET TO...

morty

↓

THE EDGE.

edge

↓

HERE WE GO.

↓

Morty: HOLY CRAP!

holy morty

↓

Rick: COME ON, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

Morty: [ GRUNTS ] SIR, THEY'RE OVER THE EDGE.

edge grunts morty

↓

YES, THEY ARE.

↓

JUST...AS...PLANNED.

planned

↓

[ EVIL LAUGHTER ] OH, THIS IS GOING TO BE SUCH A

evil laughter

↓

MIND [BLEEP]

bleep mind

↓

Rick: KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED FOR THE CENTRAL PROCESSING ROOM,

central eyes peeled processing rick room

↓

MORTY.

morty

↓

THAT'S HOW WE'RE GONNA SCAM THESE IDIOTS.

idiots scam

↓

Morty: SO, HEY, WHY DO THESE ALIENS KEEP COMING AFTER YOU,

aliens coming morty

↓

RICK, IF YOU'RE SO MUCH SMARTER THAN THEM?

rick smarter

↓

Rick: IT'S AN OBSESSION FOR THEM AT THIS POINT.

obsession point rick

↓

THE ZI[BURPS]GERIONS HAVE BEEN TRYING TO OUTSMART ME FOR YEARS,

burps years

↓

MORTY.

morty

↓

EVERY TIME THEY DO, I'M ONE STEP AHEAD OF THEM.

ahead step step-ahead

↓

AHA!

↓

HERE WE GO.

↓

GRAB AS MANY PROCESSORS AS YOU CAN CARRY, MORTY.

carry grab morty

↓

THESE GUYS AREN'T GOOD AT MUCH, BUT THEY'RE REALLY GOOD AT

↓

MAKING THESE CHIPS.

chips

↓

Morty: I'VE GOT SO MANY, I CAN BARELY HOLD THEM ALL.

barely morty

↓

[ CHUCKLES ] LOOK AT -- LOOK AT THIS.

chuckles

↓

OOPS. I DROPPED ONE.

dropped oops

↓

Rick: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, MORTY.

morty rick worry

↓

THERE'S PLENTY OF THEM, YOU LITTLE GOOFBALL.

plenty

↓

[ BOTH LAUGH ] COME HERE, MORTY! OH, I GOTCHA!

gotcha laugh morty

↓

Morty: COME ON, QUIT IT, RICK!

morty quit rick

↓

QUIT IT! [ LAUGHS ] Rick: NOTHING WRONG WITH JUST

laughs quit rick

↓

A LITTLE BIT OF HORSEPLAY EVERY NOW AND THEN, LITTLE FELLA.

fella

↓

[ GLASS SHATTERS ] Morty: WOW. WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

glass glass-shatters morty shatters

↓

HUH. THAT WAS EASY.

easy

↓

Rick: TOTES MALOTES, DAWG.

dawg rick

↓

Morty: JUST KIND OF HARD TO BELIEVE, YOU KNOW?

believe hard morty

↓

Rick: BELIEVE IT, MORTY.

believe morty rick

↓

AND ONCE AGAIN, I'M FLYING AWAY WITH EVERYTHING I CAN CARRY, AND

carry flying

↓

THE ZIGERIONS GOT NOTHING OF MINE.

↓

Jerry: [ SIGHS ] MR. MARKLEVITZ, DO YOU HAVE A...

jerry sighs

↓

MINUTE TO TALK?

minute

↓

[ SNAPS FINGERS ] YES.

fingers snaps snaps-fingers

↓

Jerry: LOOK, I'M A FRAUD.

fraud jerry

↓

I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT -- "HUNGRY FOR APPLES" IS JUST A

apples face hungry

↓

RIP-OFF OF "GOT MILK?" IT'S ALMOST IDENTICAL.

identical milk

↓

[ SNAPS FINGERS ] YES.

fingers snaps snaps-fingers

↓

Jerry: [ SIGHS ] OKAY.

jerry sighs

↓

I DESERVE THAT.

deserve

↓

UMM...I GUESS...I'LL JUST PACK UP MY DESK.

desk pack

↓

[ SNAPS FINGERS ] YES.

fingers snaps snaps-fingers

↓

Jerry: [ CRYING ] [ Sobbing ] OH, MY GOD.

crying jerry sobbing

↓

WAIT. YOU KNOW WHAT?! NO!

↓

THE MILK PEOPLE DON'T HAVE A PATENT ON SIMPLE RHETORICAL

milk patent rhetorical simple

↓

QUESTIONS!

questions

↓

THERE'S NOT EVEN A SINGLE WORD IN "HUNGRY FOR APPLES" THAT'S

apples hungry single single-word word

↓

SHARED BY "GOT MILK?" IT'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

completely milk shared

↓

SLOGAN.

↓

IT'S DIFFERENT!

↓

AND I SHOULDN'T BE FIRED.

fired

↓

I SHOULD BE PROMOTED!

promoted

↓

[ SNAPS FINGERS ] YES.

fingers snaps snaps-fingers

↓

Jerry: YEAH!

jerry

↓

WAIT. REALLY?

↓

[ SNAPS FINGERS ] YES.

fingers snaps snaps-fingers

↓

Jerry: YES!

jerry

↓

I MEAN, I'M -- IT MAY BE DERIVATIVE, BUT IT'S THE MOST

↓

SUCCESSFUL CAMPAIGN TO COME OUT OF TH AGENCY IN A LONG TIME.

agency campaign successful

↓

[ SNAPS FINGERS ] YES.

fingers snaps snaps-fingers

↓

Jerry: I-I'M NOT SAYING IT SHOULD WIN AN AWARD FOR

award jerry

↓

COMMERCIALS, BUT IT COULD CERTAINLY BE NOMINATED FOR AN

certainly commercials nominated

↓

AWARD FOR COMMERCIALS SPECIFICALLY ABOUT APPLES,

apples award commercials specifically

↓

LIKE...AN APPLEY OR SOMETHING.

↓

[ SNAPS FINGERS ] YES.

fingers snaps snaps-fingers

↓

Jerry: IS THERE REALLY AN AWARD CALLED THE APPLEY FOR

award called jerry

↓

APPLE-RELATED AD CAMPAIGNS?

apple related

↓

[ SNAPS FINGERS ] YES.

fingers snaps snaps-fingers

↓

Jerry: COULD WE NOMINATE ME?

jerry

↓

[ SNAPS FINGERS ] YES.

fingers snaps snaps-fingers

↓

Jerry: HOLY CRAP!

holy jerry

↓

[ BEEPING ] Rick: GET IN, MORTY.

beeping morty rick

↓

I'M GONNA [BURPS] BE ABLE TO USE THESE PROCESSORS TO MAKE SOME

able burps

↓

REAL IMPORTANT SCIENCE STUFF.

real science stuff

↓

[ KEYPAD BEEPING ] HUH.

beeping

↓

I THOUGHT I ENTERED THE CODE RIGHT.

code entered

↓

[ KEYPAD BEEPING ] WHA -- WELL, WHAT'S THIS?

beeping

↓

W-WHAT COULD THIS POSSIBLY BE?

possibly

↓

BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE INSIDE A SIMULATION...

simulation

↓

INSIDE A SIMULATION.

simulation

↓

YOU'RE STILL ON THE SHIP.

ship

↓

GAME-DAY BUCKET GO BOOM.

boom bucket game

↓

SIR, THE, UH, DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT TO EXAMINE THE

appointment doctors examine

↓

DISCOLORATION ON YOUR BUTTHOLE FLAPS WAS --

butthole

↓

TOO LOUD, CYNTHIA.

cynthia loud

↓

TOO LOUD AND TOO SPECIFIC.

loud specific

↓

Rick: UHH...

rick

↓

[ CHUCKLES ] WE'VE KNOWN HOW TO MAKE

chuckles known

↓

CONCENTRATED DARK MATTER FOR A LONG TIME.

dark matter

↓

BUT NOW WE ALSO KNOW THE CODE TO YOUR FABLED SAFE, RICK SANCHEZ!

code rick safe sanchez

↓

ALL YOUR MOST VALUABLE SECRETS WILL NOW BE OURS!

secrets valuable

↓

Rick: UH, YEAH, UNTIL I GET HOME BEFORE YOU AND CHANGE THE

change home rick

↓

COMBINATION, YOU BUNCH OF IDIOTS!

bunch combination idiots

↓

THAT IS WHY YOU'RE NEVER GETTING HOME.

home

↓

GET THEM!

↓

Rick: [ GRUNTS ] [ ALIENS SHOUTING, GROANING ]

aliens groaning grunts rick shouting

↓

RUN, MORTY!

morty

↓

[ BOTH PANTING ] Morty: OH, MY GOD!

morty panting

↓

[ BEEP, CLICK ] [ MECHANICAL BREATHING ]

beep breathing click

↓

OW!

↓

[ CLICK, WHOOSH ] [ ALIENS SCREAMING ]

aliens click screaming whoosh

↓

[ BOTH PANTING ] Jerry: I GOT TO TELL YOU,

jerry panting

↓

THIS MORNING, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS AWARD EXISTED.

award existed morning

↓

NOW I'M HOLDING ONE.

holding

↓

AND...UM...

↓

LOOK, I WANT TO SAY THAT TODAY WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE...

best life today

↓

BUT...THE TRUTH IS, IT'S -- IT'S MORE MEANINGFUL THAN THAT.

meaningful truth

↓

MY MAN!

↓

Jerry: YES. THANK YOU, SIR.

jerry

↓

[ SIGHS DEEPLY ] I...AM...FINALLY COMPLETE!

complete deeply finally sighs

↓

[ BEEPING ] MY -- MY -- MY -- MY MAN!

beeping

↓

Jerry: AAH!

jerry

↓

WHAT THE HELL?!

↓

[ BEEPING ] NO.

beeping

↓

Rick: JERRY?!

jerry rick

↓

Morty: DAD!

morty

↓

Rick: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

rick

↓

W-WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE A WAITER?

dressed waiter

↓

SCREW IT. WE DON'T HAVE TIME.

screw

↓

COME ON.

↓

Jerry: [ Sobbing ] NO!

jerry sobbing

↓

[ ALARM BLARING ] Rick: OHHHHH!

alarm alarm-blaring blaring rick

↓

[ BEEPING ] Jerry: AAH!

beeping jerry

↓

[ BEEPING ] Jerry: AAH!

beeping jerry

↓

All: YES! YES! YES!

↓

OOF!

↓

Rick: MAN UP, JERRY!

jerry rick

↓

I MAY NEED YOU TO WORK THE LASERS.

lasers

↓

[ BEEPING ] [ SLURPS ]

beeping slurps

↓

[ GASPS ] [ ALARM BLARING ]

alarm alarm-blaring blaring gasps

↓

Morty: OH, MAN!

morty

↓

THEY'RE HOT ON OUR TAIL, RICK!

rick tail

↓

Rick: I GUESS THEY REALLY DO HAVE CONCENTRATED DARK MATTER.

dark matter rick

↓

Morty: WELL, YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT, TOO, RIGHT, RICK?

morty rick

↓

Rick: YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

rick

↓

UH, CHECK THE ENGINE ROOM.

check engine room

↓

WE JUST NEED CESIUM, PLUTONIC QUARKS, AND BOTTLED WATER.

water

↓

Morty: IT'S ALL HERE, RICK!

morty rick

↓

Rick: WOW, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

LUCKY BREAK.

break lucky

↓

GRAB THAT BUCKET.

bucket grab

↓

OKAY, TWO PARTS PLUTONIC QUARKS, ONE PART CESIUM.

part parts

↓

Morty: OKAY. UH-HUH.

morty

↓

[ FIZZING ] ALL RIGHT.

↓

Rick: NOW EMPTY THE WATER BOTTLE INTO THE BUCKET AND POUR

bottle bucket empty pour rick water water-bottle

↓

IT ALL INTO THE FUEL TANK SO WE CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

fuel tank

↓

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MORTY?!

morty

↓

THERE'S NO TIME!

↓

[ BEEPING ] Morty: [ STAMMERING ]

beeping morty stammering

↓

Rick: OH, NO.

rick

↓

Jerry: WHAT THE -- Rick: NO!

jerry rick

↓

[ LAUGHTER ] OH, MY GOD, RICK.

laughter rick

↓

HOW DUMB ARE YOU?

dumb

↓

YOU'RE INSIDE A SIMULATION...

simulation

↓

OF A SIMULATION...

simulation

↓

INSIDE ANOTHER GIANT SIMULATION!

another giant simulation

↓

[ LAUGHS ] W-WE NEVER HAD THE RECIPE FOR

laughs recipe

↓

CONCENTRATED DARK MATTER.

dark matter

↓

BUT WE DO NOW!

↓

WE DO NOW, SUCKA!

↓

Rick: YOU SIMULATED MY GRANDSON'S GENITALIA?!

genitalia rick

↓

Y-Y-YOU BUNCH OF DIABOLICAL SONS OF BITCHES!

bitches bunch diabolical sons

↓

KEVIN FOUGHT REAL HARD TO SUPERVISE THAT PROJECT.

fought hard kevin project real real-hard

↓

YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GONNA TELL ANYONE!

↓

I'M NEVER GONNA LIVE THIS DOWN, AM I?

live

↓

Rick: ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

rick

↓

ALL RIGHT, GREAT. WONDERFUL.

↓

YOU WIN. CAN WE GO HOME NOW?

home

↓

I DON'T KNOW. CAN YOU?

↓

HA! NICE.

↓

OKAY, OKAY.

↓

SHOW THIS GULLIBLE TURD TO HIS SHUTTLE.

gullible shuttle turd

↓

I'M DONE WITH HIM.

↓

OH, WAIT. LET ME GET A PICTURE.

picture

↓

[ SHUTTER CLICKS ] AWW. LOOK AT HIS FACE.

clicks face shutter shutter-clicks

↓

HE'S TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF HE'S IN A SIMULATION STILL.

figure simulation

↓

ARE YOU, RICK?

rick

↓

ARE YOU?

↓

[ LAUGHS ] YOU'RE NOT.

laughs

↓

OR A YOU?

↓

OH, A-AND, BY THE WAY, I DON'T HAVE DISCOLORED BUTTHOLE FLAPS.

butthole

↓

THAT WAS PART OF THE SIMULATION.

part simulation

↓

OH.

↓

UH, SIR, SHOULD I CANCEL THAT APPOINTMENT, THEN?

appointment cancel

↓

YEAH! OF COURSE YOU SHOULD!

course

↓

[ CHUCKLES ] No, keep it.

chuckles

↓

Move it up, actually, if you can.

↓

Rick: HEY, JERRY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

jerry rick worry

↓

SO WHAT IF THE MOST MEANINGFUL DAY OF YOUR LIFE WAS A

life meaningful

↓

SIMULATION OPERATING AT MINIMUM CAP[BURPS]ACITY?

burps minimum operating simulation

↓

Jerry: YOU KNOW WHAT, RICK?

jerry rick

↓

THOSE GUYS TOOK YOU FOR A RIDE, TOO.

ride

↓

YOU SHOULD TRY HAVING A LITTLE RESPECT FOR THE DUMMIES OF THE

dummies having respect

↓

UNIVERSE, NOW THAT YOU'RE ONE OF US.

universe

↓

Rick: MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, JERRY.

jerry rick

↓

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

↓

[ ALIENS CHEERING ] [ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]

aliens cheering dance dance-music music music-plays plays

↓

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.

everybody

↓

TWO PARTS PLUTONIC QUARKS...

parts

↓

ONE PART CESIUM...

part

↓

[ FIZZING ] A-AND LISTEN, I'M SORRY FOR

↓

YELLING EARLIER.

yelling

↓

I-I COULDN'T ASK FOR A BETTER STAFF.

staff

↓

I LOVE YOU GUYS, AND I LOVE ALL YOUR FAMILIES.

families love

↓

AND THE FINAL INGREDIENT...

final

↓

Jerry: WHOA!

jerry whoa

↓

WHAT THE HELL?!

↓

W-WHAT HAPPENED BACK THERE?

happened

↓

Rick: WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE SMARTEST PEOPLE IN THE UNIVERSE,

rick smartest universe

↓

JERRY?

jerry

↓

OH, YEAH. [ BURPS ] YOU CAN'T.

burps

↓

THEY BLEW UP.

blew

↓

[ SIGHS ] [ BEEP ]

beep sighs

↓

[ "BAKER STREET" PLAY ] [ VOCALIZING ]

baker baker-street street vocalizing

↓

[ VOCALIZING OUT OF SYNC ] [ "BAKER STREET" CONTINUES ]

baker baker-street continues street sync vocalizing

↓

Jerry: SO...

jerry

↓

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

↓

YOU'RE FIRED.

fired

↓

Jerry: WHA-- BUT T-THIS IDEA WAS TESTED IN A

idea jerry tested

↓

STATE-OF-THE-ART SIMULATION.

simulation state

↓

WELL, THEN, IT WAS A TERRIBLE SIMULATION.

simulation

↓

GET OUT.

↓

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ] MAN, HOW DOES A GUY LIKE THAT GO

closes door door-opens opens

↓

HOME AND HAVE SEX WITH HIS WIFE?

home wife

↓

Rick: HEY, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

Morty: WHAT?

morty

↓

Rick: HEY, LITTLE BUDDY.

buddy rick

↓

H-H-HOW YOU DOING IN HERE RIGHT NOW?

↓

Morty: AW, GEEZ, RICK.

geez morty rick

↓

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAN?

↓

Rick: Y-Y-YOU'RE A GOOD KID, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

Y-YOU'RE A REAL L-LITTLE C-CHARACTER, MORTY.

character morty real

↓

Morty: OH, BOY.

morty

↓

Rick: YOU KNOW, I HAD A REALLY ROCKY ROAD TODAY,

rick road rocky today

↓

M-MORTY.

morty

↓

YOU'RE MY LITTLE FRIEND, AREN'T YOU?

friend

↓

[ SIGHS ] WE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES TOGETHER,

sighs times

↓

HUH, M-MORTY?

morty

↓

WE -- YOU'RE A REAL TRUE HERO OUT IN

hero real

↓

THE FIELD.

field

↓

YOU'RE A LI-- YOU'RE A REAL TROUPER, HUH,

real

↓

M-M-MORTY?

morty

↓

Morty: HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING, RICK?

drinking morty rick

↓

Rick: I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU, MORTY.

appreciate morty rick

↓

Morty: O-OKAY, COOL.

cool morty

↓

A-ALL RIGHT, RICK -- Rick: YOU LITTLE SON OF A

rick

↓

BITCH!

bitch

↓

Y-Y -- ARE YOU A SIMULATION?!

simulation

↓

HUH?! ARE YOU A SIMULATION?!

simulation

↓

Morty: NO! NO! NO!

morty

↓

Rick: YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH!

bitch rick

↓

Morty: [ GASPING ] Rick: I-I-I'M SORRY, MORTY.

gasping morty rick

↓

Y-YOU'RE A GOOD -- YOU'RE A GOOD KID, MORTY.

morty

↓

Morty: GEEZ!

geez morty

↓

Rick: Y-YOU'RE A GOOD -- YOU'RE A GOOD KID.

rick

↓

Morty: OH, MY GOD!

morty

↓

Rick: [ SNORING ] Morty: W-W-WHAT THE HELL?

morty rick snoring

↓

WHAT A LIFE.

life