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Home » Rick and Morty » S01E03 — Anatomy Park

Rick and Morty

Season 1, Episode 3 — Anatomy Park

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Anatomy Park

Air date: December 16, 2013

Director: John Rice

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Christmas day, Rick's friend, Reuben, comes over for his annual medical checkup. Meanwhile Jerry learns his parents have a new friend.

Source: TMDB

↓

NOW, REMEMBER -- NO TV, NO PHONES, NO LAPTOPS.

laptops phones remember

↓

WE ARE CONNECTING THIS CHRISTMAS, LIKE OLD-SCHOOL JEWS

christmas connecting jews school

↓

ON A SATURDAY.

saturday

↓

HEY, HEY!

↓

MERRY CHRISTMAS, SON.

christmas merry merry-christmas

↓

Jerry: UH, HI.

jerry

↓

CAN I HELP YOU?

↓

JERRY, THIS IS JACOB.

jacob jerry

↓

DIDN'T YOU GET OUR TEXT MESSAGE?

message text

↓

Together: NO!

↓

YOU MUST BE JERRY.

jerry must

↓

THAT'S A FINE-LOOKING APRON.

apron looking

↓

WILLIAMS-SONOMA?

williams

↓

Jerry: I WISH! [ CHUCKLES ] BUT THANK YOU.

chuckles jerry wish

↓

SO, YOU'RE A...FRIEND OF THE FAMILY?

family friend

↓

UH, THE WAY WE SEE IT, HE'S A PART OF THE FAMILY.

family part

↓

Jerry: WOW.

jerry

↓

AFTER YOUR FATHER'S BRUSH WITH CANCER AND LOSING YOUR

brush cancer fathers losing

↓

UNCLE, WE LOOKED AT LIFE AND WONDERED, HOW HAVE WE SPENT IT,

life looked spent uncle wondered

↓

AND HOW DO WE SPEND THE REST OF IT?

rest spend

↓

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO BE WHEN WE DIE -- A LIST OF FEARS AND

fears list

↓

QUESTIONS OR A COLLECTION OF REAL EXPERIENCES?

collection experiences questions real

↓

Beth: HOLY CRAP.

beth holy

↓

JOYCE, THAT'S AMAZING.

amazing

↓

THEN JACOB CAME INTO OUR LIVES, AND...WE'RE LEARNING TO

jacob learning lives

↓

LIVE AGAIN.

live

↓

ALL THREE OF US.

three

↓

[ CHUCKLES ] Jerry: COOL.

chuckles cool jerry

↓

EGGNOG?

↓

NOW WE ARE TALKING!

↓

THIS MAN'S GOT THE APRON AND THE EGGNOG, HUH?

apron mans

↓

[ LAUGHTER ] Rick: HI, JOYCE. LEONARD.

laughter leonard rick

↓

HELLO, THERE.

↓

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MAN.

christmas merry merry-christmas

↓

Rick: MORTY, A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME?

moment morty rick

↓

[ GURGLING ] Rick: HE'S IN BAD SHAPE,

gurgling rick shape

↓

MORTY.

morty

↓

Morty: AW, GEEZ, RICK.

geez morty rick

↓

WHAT'D YOU DO?

whatd

↓

Rick: GEE, THANKS, MORTY.

morty rick thanks

↓

W-W-WHAT KIND OF MONSTER DO YOU THINK I AM?

monster

↓

I-I-I'M SITTING HERE TRYING TO SAVE THE GUY'S LIFE.

life save sitting

↓

I NEED YOUR HELP.

↓

I WANT YOU TO FIND DR. XENON BLOOM.

bloom

↓

HE'LL KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

↓

Morty: UH, W-W-W-WHERE -- WHERE DO I FIND DR. BLOOM?

bloom morty

↓

Rick: IN REUBEN.

rick

↓

Morty: REUBEN, MINNE-- MINNESOTA?

minnesota morty

↓

Rick: REUBEN ON THE TABLE, MORTY.

morty rick table

↓

LOOK, I-I-I [BELCHES] I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU TO WRAP YOUR

belches wrap

↓

LITTLE WALNUT AROUND EVERYTHING.

walnut

↓

JUST HOLD YOUR BREATH UNTIL THE PROCESS IS OVER OR YOUR LUNGS

breath lungs process

↓

WILL COLLAPSE.

collapse

↓

Morty: WHAT PROC-- [ SCREAMS ]

morty screams

↓

Rick: [ GRUNTS ] Beth: HEY, DAD, WHERE'S

beth grunts rick

↓

MORTY?

morty

↓

Rick: HE'S BUSY.

busy rick

↓

Morty: [ SCREAMING ] [ PANTING ]

morty panting screaming

↓

Rick: MORTY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

morty rick

↓

HEAD NORTH.

head north

↓

Morty: RICK, WHERE AM I?

morty rick

↓

Rick: DEPENDING ON MY AIM, YOU SHOULD BE JUST SOUTH OF THE

depending rick south

↓

ENTRANCE.

entrance

↓

Morty: ENTRANCE TO WHAT?

entrance morty

↓

Rick: WELCOME, MORTY.

morty rick welcome

↓

WELCOME...

welcome

↓

Morty: [ GASPS ] Rick: ...TO ANATOMY PARK!

anatomy gasps morty park rick

↓

IT'S A LITTLE BUSINESS VENTURE I'VE BEEN COOKING UP ON THE SIDE

business cooking side venture

↓

WITH DR. BLOOM -- AN AMUSEMENT PARK INSIDE A HUMAN BODY.

amusement bloom body human human-body park

↓

SCIENCE ISN'T CH-- [BURPS] CHEAP, MORTY.

burps cheap morty science

↓

THIS SHOULD REALLY HELP PUT A DENT IN THE OVERHEAD.

↓

Morty: OH, MY GOD!

morty

↓

THIS IS INSANE!

insane

↓

SPLEEN MOUNTAIN?

mountain spleen

↓

BLADDER FALLS?

bladder falls

↓

PIRATES OF THE PANCREAS?

pirates

↓

Rick: YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT LAST ONE, MORTY?

morty problem rick

↓

Morty: HUH? NO, NO.

morty

↓

I'M JUST READING 'EM OUT LOUD IN THE ORDER THAT I'M SEEING 'EM.

loud order reading seeing

↓

Rick: OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

rick

↓

IF I SOUNDED A LITTLE DEFENSIVE, IT'S BECAUSE

defensive sounded

↓

PIRATES OF THE PANCREAS WAS MY BABY.

baby pirates

↓

YOU KNOW, I GOT -- I GOT A LOT OF PUSHBACK WHEN I PITCHED IT,

pitched

↓

MORTY.

morty

↓

I GUESS I'M STILL A LITTLE DEFENSIVE.

defensive

↓

LET'S JUST FIND DR. BLOOM, ALL RIGHT?

bloom

↓

I-I'M PICKING UP A DISTRESS SIGNAL IN THE LIVER, MORTY.

distress liver morty picking signal

↓

PROCEED TO THE LIVER.

liver proceed

↓

ARRIVING AT...

arriving

↓

[ BELL DINGS ] ...LIVER.

bell bell-dings dings liver

↓

Morty: OW!

morty

↓

MIND THE GAP.

mind

↓

Morty: IT'S REALLY SCARY IN HERE, RICK.

morty rick scary

↓

Rick: THE LIVER'S UNDER MAINTENANCE.

maintenance rick

↓

REUBEN'S SEEN SOME ROUGH YEARS, MORTY.

morty rough seen years

↓

DON'T JUDGE.

judge

↓

YOU DON'T AGREE TO HAVE A THEME PARK BUILT INSIDE YOU IF YOUR

agree built park theme

↓

LIFE'S GOING GREAT.

lifes

↓

[ ROARS ] Morty: [ SCREAMS ]

morty roars screams

↓

RICK! IT'S A MONSTER!

monster rick

↓

Rick: NO, NO, NO. MORTY.

morty rick

↓

THE ONLY MONSTER HERE IS ALCO...[BELCHES]...HOLISM.

belches monster

↓

THAT IS AN ANIMATRONIC WEREWOLF.

↓

[ GRUNTS ] WHO ARE YOU?!

grunts

↓

ANSWER ME!

answer

↓

WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?

whered

↓

Morty: MY -- MY -- MY GRANDPA RICK SENT ME!

grandpa morty rick sent

↓

PONCHO!

↓

THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH.

↓

MORTY, THAT'S PONCHO.

morty

↓

THIS IS ROGER AND ANNIE.

annie roger

↓

Morty: [ GASPS ] AND I AM DR. XENON BLOOM.

bloom gasps morty

↓

Morty: [ GASPS ] Rick: HEY, BLOOM, IT'S RICK.

bloom gasps morty rick

↓

WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?

hells

↓

I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT THE ENTIRE SECURITY SYSTEM HAS SHUT

entire security system

↓

DOWN, AND I'M AFRAID...THE EXHIBITS ARE UNLOCKED.

afraid unlocked

↓

Morty: EXHIBITS?

morty

↓

ANATOMY PARK'S GREATEST ATTRACTION, YOUNG MAN, ISN'T THE

anatomy attraction greatest parks young

↓

MUSIC OR THE FOOD OR THE...

food music

↓

PIRATES OF THE PANCREAS.

pirates

↓

Rick: WATCH IT.

rick watch

↓

IT IS, FIRST AND FOREMOST, A LIVING MUSEUM OF HUMANITY'S MOST

living museum

↓

NOBLE AND FEROCIOUS DISEASES.

diseases noble

↓

Morty: DISEASES?

diseases morty

↓

[ CREATURE ROARS ] HEY, DOC.

creature roars

↓

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.

news

↓

YOUR LIVING MUSEUM IS OFFICIALLY A WILD SAFARI!

living museum officially wild

↓

HEPATITIS A! RUN!

hepatitis

↓

[ ALL SCREAM ] OH, THE FOOD GOES IN YOUR

food scream

↓

MOUTH, GIRL.

girl mouth

↓

[ LAUGHTER ] [ Laughing ] OH, JACOB.

jacob laughing laughter

↓

Jerry: [ LAUGHS ] I-I'M SORRY, JACOB.

jacob jerry laughs

↓

I-I GUESS I'M STILL CONFUSED ABOUT THE PRECISE NATURE AND

confused nature precise

↓

ORIGIN OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS.

parents relationship

↓

ARE YOU, LIKE, UH -- ARE YOU, LIKE, THEIR CARETAKER?

↓

IS THAT WHAT IT IS?

↓

WE CAN GO INTO DETAIL LATER, SON.

detail

↓

NOW, WAIT.

↓

TH-THERE'S NO POINT TO SECRECY.

point

↓

LET'S ALL LIVE AND DIE HONESTLY.

live

↓

YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE SHARED 40 YEARS OF EACH OTHER, MIND,

mind mother shared years

↓

BODY, AND SOUL, AND WHEN MINDS AND SOULS ARE JOINED FOR

body joined minds soul souls

↓

ETERNITY AND WHEN ETERNITY IS AT THE DOOR, IT'S AN INVITATION

door eternity invitation

↓

TO LET GO OF THE BODY AND AN OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE AND

body opportunity share

↓

EXPERIMENT.

experiment

↓

Jerry: DAD, PLEASE.

jerry

↓

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

↓

Beth: WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, LEONARD, AND WE

beth leonard

↓

SUPPORT YOU.

support

↓

Jerry: HEY, SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, BECAUSE IT [LAUGHS

jerry laughs speak

↓

NERVOUSLY] SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY JACOB IS YOUR

jacob nervously sounds

↓

LOVER.

lover

↓

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

↓

JACOB IS YOUR MOTHER'S LOVER.

jacob lover mothers

↓

[ CHUCKLES ] I WATCH THEM -- SOMETIMES FROM A

chuckles sometimes watch

↓

CHAIR AND SOMETIMES FROM A CLOSET, ALMOST ALWAYS DRESSED AS

chair closet dressed sometimes

↓

SUPERMAN.

superman

↓

[ SMOOCHES ] OH.

↓

JERRY, THIS HAM HAS GOT TO BE ALL YOU, RIGHT?

jerry

↓

IT'S INCREDIBLE.

incredible

↓

[ CHUCKLES ] Summer: HAPPY HUMAN HOLIDAY,

chuckles happy holiday human summer

↓

DAD.

↓

AAH!

↓

[ ROARS ] HEPATITIS WON'T FOLLOW US

follow hepatitis roars

↓

INTO THE RESPIRATORY SYSTEM.

system

↓

THAT'S STRANGE.

strange

↓

AIRFLOW IS DOWN 20%.

↓

SO, THE BRAIN ISN'T GETTING ENOUGH OXYGEN.

brain oxygen

↓

THAT'S WHY SECURITY'S OFFLINE.

securitys

↓

Morty: WELL, I GUESS WE BETTER CHECK IT OUT.

check morty

↓

HEY! WAIT FOR ME!

↓

PUT THAT BACK ON!

↓

IF WE GOT UP TO THE BRONCHIAL CATWALK, WE COULD LOOK FOR A

↓

BLOCKAGE.

↓

Morty: I'LL GO.

morty

↓

[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ] DON'T BE A HERO, KID.

hero laughs laughs-nervously nervously

↓

Morty: I'M NOT.

morty

↓

I'M DOING IT BECAUSE IT'S FUN.

fun

↓

WE SHOULDN'T BE HERE.

↓

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT FIRE THAT THING IN HERE.

fire

↓

WE MUST SAVE REUBEN.

must save

↓

THIS IS MY LIFE'S WORK.

lifes

↓

[ BLOB SQUEALS ] [ GASPS ]

gasps squeals

↓

IT'S ALL RIGHT, MY DEAR.

dear

↓

NEARLY ALL HUMAN LUNGS CONTAIN A STRAIN OF THESE BACTERIA, BUT

bacteria human lungs nearly strain

↓

THE SCAR TISSUE KEEPS THEM...

keeps scar tissue

↓

DORMANT.

↓

MORTY, GET DOWN!

morty

↓

Morty: WHOA-HO-HO!

morty whoa

↓

WHOA!

whoa

↓

[ BACTERIA SNARL ] Morty: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

bacteria morty whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

[ GRUNTING ] OH, WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS?

grunting

↓

TUBERCULOSIS -- COMING IN FAST!

coming fast

↓

NOT FASTER THAN A BULLET!

bullet faster

↓

AAH!

↓

NO!

↓

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!

↓

[ COUGHS ] All: WHOA!

coughs whoa

↓

GET TO THE DIGESTIVE TRACT!

↓

HE'S COUGHING!

coughing

↓

[ COUGHS ] WHOAAAA!

coughs

↓

DON'T LET ME DIE!

↓

Rick: JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH, REUBEN.

breath deep deep-breath rick

↓

[ GASPS ] Morty: YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE!

gasps morty

↓

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

name

↓

MY NAME IS...

name

↓

[ COUGHS ] ALEXAND-- [ SCREAMS ]

coughs screams

↓

[ COUGHS ] [ ALL GRUNT ]

coughs grunt

↓

Morty: RICK -- R-R-REUBEN'S GOT TUBERCULOSIS!

morty rick

↓

Rick: OH, GREAT WORK, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

OKAY, I'LL JUST CURE IT AND THEN--

cure

↓

[ FLATLINE ] OKAY.

↓

WELL, I CAN'T CURE DEATH.

cure death

↓

THIS IS BAD, MORTY.

morty

↓

YOU'RE TRAPPED IN A DEAD MAN.

dead trapped

↓

LISTEN, IF THE SITUATION KEEPS DARKENING, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR

favor keeps situation

↓

AND POP BY PIRATES OF THE PANCREAS.

pirates

↓

OBVIOUSLY I'M BIASED, BUT I THINK IT'S GREAT, MORTY.

morty obviously

↓

IT'S A BUNCH OF [BELCHES] PIRATES RUNNING AROUND A

belches bunch pirates running

↓

[BELCHES] PANCREAS.

belches

↓

WE DON'T WHITEWASH IT, EITHER, MORTY.

morty

↓

I MEAN, THE PIRATES ARE REALLY RAPEY.

pirates

↓

THE TOP PRIORITY IS TO GET, YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS OUT OF THERE, BUT

priority

↓

I'M JUST SAYING, IF THAT BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE, PLEASE, YOU GOTTA

becomes impossible

↓

TREAT YOURSELF.

treat

↓

Morty: OH, MAN.

morty

↓

W-W-W-WHAT IS THAT HORRIBLE SMELL?

horrible smell

↓

YOU MEAN THE PANDA EXPRESS?

express panda

↓

[ CHUCKLES ] KIDDING. I-I'M KIDDING.

chuckles kidding

↓

THE BODY IS BEGINNING TO CONSTRICT AND FILL WITH GAS.

beginning body fill

↓

WE'RE INSIDE A CORPSE, MY BOY.

corpse

↓

ANATOMY PARK IS DOOMED.

anatomy doomed park

↓

Morty: FORGET ABOUT THE PARK, DOCTOR!

doctor forget morty park

↓

HOW DO WE GET OUT?

↓

THE DIGESTIVE TRACT IS THE EVACUATION ROUTE.

route

↓

GET IT?

↓

THERE'S AN EMERGENCY STATION IN THE COLON WITH A RAY THAT CAN

colon emergency station

↓

ENLARGE US ALL.

↓

Morty: EVERYBODY, HEAD FOR THE COLON!

colon everybody head morty

↓

NOW I'M TAKING ORDERS FROM A 12-YEAR-OLD BOY?

orders

↓

MORTY, THE SCAR SACS CONTAINING THE TUBERCULOSIS WERE

morty scar

↓

SABOTAGED.

↓

THIS DISASTER WAS AN INSIDE JOB.

disaster

↓

KEEP YOUR EYE ON ANNIE.

annie

↓

SHE WAS WRITTEN UP SEVERAL TIMES BY HER MANAGER AT THE CHURRO

manager several several-times times written

↓

STAND.

stand

↓

INTESTINES ARE AHEAD TO THE LEFT, THEN TO THE RIGHT, THEN

ahead intestines left

↓

LEFT, ET CETERA.

cetera left

↓

Morty: HEY, JUST SO YOU KNOW, I-I-I'M ACTUALLY 14.

morty

↓

SO, YOU KNOW...

↓

WHAT?

↓

Morty: NOT 12.

morty

↓

OKAY.

↓

Morty: YOU KNOW, BECAUSE HE JUST SAID I WAS 12.

morty

↓

OH.

↓

GOOD FOR YOU.

↓

Rick: OOF. UGH. MORTY.

morty rick

↓

STRIKE ONE.

strike

↓

Morty: [ GROANS ] [ FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYS ]

festive groans morty music music-plays plays

↓

♪ IT'S A ROAD OF WONDER ♪ A TRAIL OF FOOD

food road trail wonder

↓

♪ IT'S A PATHWAY TO BREAK UP THE BAD AND GOOD ♪

break

↓

♪ IT'S A TUBE THAT DIGESTS AND THEN SENDS OUT THE REST ♪

rest sends tube

↓

♪ IT'S A SMALL, SMALL INTESTINE ♪

↓

IT GOES ON LIKE THIS FOR MILES.

miles

↓

THEN WE GET TO THE LARGE INTESTINE!

↓

[ CREATURE ROARS ] SHH!

creature roars

↓

I HEAR SOMETHING.

↓

[ ROARS ] Don't move.

roars

↓

Gonorrhea can't see us if we don't move.

gonorrhea

↓

[ ROARS ] WAIT, I WAS WRONG.

roars

↓

I WAS THINKING OF A T. REX.

thinking

↓

[ ALL SCREAM ] MOVE!

scream

↓

WE'RE SITTING DUCKS!

ducks sitting

↓

Morty: DOC, DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT THE BODY WAS FILLING WITH

body filling morty

↓

GAS?

↓

YES. WHY?

↓

KID, YOU'RE A GENIUS.

genius

↓

ARE YOU MAD?!

↓

Morty: EVERYBODY, IN HERE!

everybody morty

↓

[ ROARS ] HEY, GONORRHEA!

gonorrhea roars

↓

HOW'S THIS FOR A BURNING SENSATION?

burning sensation

↓

[ GROANS ] HUH.

groans

↓

Morty: [ GIGGLES ] Summer: ♪ DRUMMER DRUM DRUM

drum drummer giggles morty summer

↓

DRUM DRUM DRUM ♪ ♪ DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM

drum

↓

DRUM ♪ ♪ CHRISTMAS DRUMS

christmas drum drums

↓

OH, SING IT, SUMMER.

sing summer

↓

Summer: ♪ CHRISTMAS DRUMS BEING PLAYED BY A BO-O-O-Y ♪

christmas drums played summer

↓

OH, I LOVE TO HEAR YOU SING.

love sing

↓

[ LAUGHS ] Summer: [ SCATTING ]

laughs summer

↓

Beth: JERRY, COME ON.

beth jerry

↓

THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED.

wanted

↓

Jerry: I GET IT, BETH.

beth jerry

↓

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

careful wish

↓

I'M BEING PUNISHED FOR TAKING YOUR iPAD.

punished

↓

Beth: WHAT?

beth

↓

JERRY, LET THAT STUFF GO, OKAY?

jerry stuff

↓

I'M SORRY I WAS A BITCH EARLIER.

bitch

↓

LET'S JUST BE HERE.

↓

[ GRUNTS ] SUMMER!

grunts summer

↓

Summer: ETHAN?

ethan summer

↓

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

↓

I'VE BEEN TEXTING YOU FOR HOURS!

hours texting

↓

WHAT THE HELL?!

↓

Summer: I DON'T HAVE MY PHONE!

phone summer

↓

I'M DOING A HUMAN HOLIDAY!

holiday human

↓

WELL, DID YOU EVEN CONSIDER HOW THAT MIGHT MAKE ME FEEL?!

consider might

↓

Summer: HOW YOU FEEL?!

summer

↓

WHY IS EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAPPENING TO YOU?!

↓

Jerry: SUMMER, DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?

boyfriend jerry summer

↓

YEAH, DO YOU, SUMMER?

summer

↓

Summer: I DON'T KNOW, ETHAN.

ethan summer

↓

DO I?!

↓

JERRY, NO DISRESPECT, BUT YOU REALLY NEED TO CONNECT MORE WITH

connect disrespect jerry

↓

YOUR FAMILY, MAN.

family

↓

I SHOULD BE ABLE TO ACCESS THE BACKUP GENERATOR TO GET THE

able access backup generator

↓

GROWTH RAY ONLINE.

growth online

↓

IF IT WORKS, WE'LL BE REGULAR-SIZED IN A FEW MINUTES.

minutes regular sized works

↓

I JUST HOPE REUBEN'S NOT IN A ROOM WITH WHITE CARPETS OR

hope room white

↓

UPHOLSTERY.

↓

[ RUMBLING ] WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

rumbling

↓

THE SPHINCTER DAM.

↓

WE BUILT IT WHEN REUBEN BECAME INCONTINENT, BUT IT WAS NOT

became built

↓

DESIGNED TO HOLD A CORPSE LOAD.

corpse designed load

↓

I'VE ALMOST GOT IT.

↓

EVERYBODY, MOVE INSIDE THE CIRCLE.

circle everybody

↓

[ BACTERIUM SQUEALS ] Morty: PONCHO?

morty squeals

↓

WHAT IS THIS IN YOUR BACKPACK?

backpack

↓

THAT'S BUBONIC PLAGUE!

plague

↓

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT, PONCHO?

↓

[ GASPS ] EVERYBODY, GET BACK!

everybody gasps

↓

PONCHO, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

bitch

↓

YOU RELEASED THE TUBERCULOSIS SO YOU COULD STEAL FROM ME?

released steal

↓

THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.

baby

↓

A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PAY TOP DOLLAR TO DECIMATE THE

dollar

↓

POPULATION.

population

↓

I'LL TAKE THE HIGHEST BIDDER -- AL-QAEDA, NORTH KOREA,

bidder highest korea north north-korea

↓

REPUBLICANS, SHRINERS, BALDING MEN THAT WORK OUT, PEOPLE ON THE

republicans

↓

INTERNET THAT ARE ONLY TURNED ON BY CARTOONS OF JAPANESE

cartoons internet japanese turned

↓

TEENAGERS -- ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN WORKING FOR YOU, YOU

teenagers working

↓

POMPOUS, NEGLIGENT, iTUNES-GIFT-CARD-AS-A-HOLIDAY-

card gift holiday pompous

↓

BONUS-GIVING MOTHER-- Morty: [ SCREAMS ]

bonus giving morty mother screams

↓

[ GRUNTS ] COME ON!

grunts

↓

Morty: [ GROANS ] [ LAUGHS ]

groans laughs morty

↓

[ BACTERIUM SQUEALS ] AAH!

squeals

↓

[ GRUNTS ] GET OFF!

grunts

↓

[ SCREAMS ] [ RUMBLING ]

rumbling screams

↓

YOU GUYS!

↓

IT'S GONNA BURST! GO!

burst

↓

GO, GO, GO!

↓

[ ALL PANTING ] MY FOOT IS STUCK.

foot panting stuck

↓

NO!

↓

IT'S OKAY!

↓

IT'S OKAY. JUST GO.

↓

TELL MY FAMILY I LOVE THEM.

family love

↓

THEY MAY BE HARD TO FIND 'CAUSE MY WIFE KEPT HER LAST NAME AND

hard name wife

↓

SHE MADE THE KIDS TAKE IT, TOO, SO, I-I DON'T KNOW, YOU CAN --

kids

↓

NO!

↓

[ SOBS ] LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION,

question sobs

↓

ETHAN.

ethan

↓

WHERE'S THE ANGER COMING FROM, MAN?

anger coming

↓

FROM SUMMER BEING A TOTAL BITCH!

bitch summer total

↓

WHERE'S THE ANGER COMING FROM?

anger coming

↓

MY BROTHER...TOOK ME FISHING ONCE...IN THE BUSHES...

brother bushes fishing

↓

[ WHIMPERS ] [ Voice breaking ] I CAN'T...I

breaking voice whimpers

↓

CAN'T...

↓

[ SOBS ] HE MADE ME FEEL LIKE A GIRL!

girl sobs

↓

I -- HE MADE ME A GIRL!

girl

↓

[ SOBS ] HE DIDN'T MAKE YOU ANYTHING,

sobs

↓

MAN.

↓

YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE.

↓

SHE IS WHO SHE IS.

↓

NOW, YOU GO TO HER...BRAND-NEW.

brand

↓

COME HERE, RIGHT NOW.

↓

Summer: OH, MY GOD.

summer

↓

I'M SO SORRY, ETHAN!

ethan

↓

I LOVE YOU!

love

↓

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

love

↓

[ BOTH MOANING ] Jerry: UM...

jerry moaning

↓

YOU DID IT AGAIN, CUBBIE.

↓

COME HERE.

↓

[ BOTH MOANING ] Jerry: NO! STOP! I HATE THIS!

hate jerry moaning

↓

WELL, CHRISTMAS DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND WHAT YOU HATE,

christmas hate

↓

SON.

↓

Jerry: WELL, THEN I HATE CHRISTMAS!

christmas hate hate-christmas jerry

↓

ENJOY BEING HUMAN!

enjoy human

↓

YOU GUYS ARE GROSS AND LAME.

gross lame

↓

MY NAME'S REUBEN RIDLEY.

names

↓

YOU'RE INSIDE ME RIGHT NOW, BUT BY THE END OF THIS JOURNEY...

journey

↓

WHOOPSIE.

whoopsie

↓

I'LL BE INSIDE ALL OF YOU.

↓

MY STORY BEGINS DURING THE DOT-COM CRASH IN THE EARLY

begins crash early story

↓

'90s.

↓

[ WHIRRING ] YOU CAN PUT YOUR FINGERS

fingers whirring

↓

WHEREVER YOU WANT.

↓

Rick: MORTY, YOU WANT TO PUT IT ON MUTE OR SOMETHING?

morty mute rick

↓

I'M -- I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE.

concentrate

↓

Jerry: UH...RICK?

jerry rick

↓

Rick: NOT NOW, JERRY.

jerry rick

↓

I'VE GOT [BELCHES] MUCH, MUCH SMALLER FISH TO FRY.

belches fish smaller

↓

Jerry: I WANTED TO SAY I'M SORRY I EVER JUDGED YOU.

jerry judged wanted

↓

RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE MY SANEST RELATIVE.

relative

↓

Rick: RELATIVE.

relative rick

↓

R-RELATIVE SIZE!

relative size

↓

JERRY, HAND ME A SCALPEL AND A BUNDLE OF DYNAMITE.

dynamite hand jerry scalpel

↓

MORTY, CAN YOU GET TO THE LEFT NIPPLE?

left morty nipple

↓

Morty: ARE YOU KIDDING?

kidding morty

↓

I'M HOPING I CAN GET TO BOTH OF 'EM, RICK.

hoping rick

↓

Rick: NO, MORTY, I'M TALKING ABOUT REUBEN'S LEFT NIPPLE.

left morty nipple rick

↓

[ RUMBLING ] Morty: [ GRUNTS ]

grunts morty rumbling

↓

WE NEED TO GET TO THE LEFT NIPPLE!

left nipple

↓

THE BODY IS DECAYING.

body

↓

THE ARTERIAL TRANSIT SYSTEM IS USELESS.

system useless

↓

WE CAN TRY THE SERVICE SHUTTLE.

service shuttle

↓

IT'S CONNECTED TO THE SKELETAL SYSTEM.

connected system

↓

THAT'S WHY WE CALL IT THE BONE TRAIN.

bone train

↓

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE THE BONE TRAIN, MISS?

bone miss ride train

↓

IF IT'LL GET US OUT OF HERE.

itll

↓

HOW ABOUT YOU, MORTY?

morty

↓

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE THE BONE TRAIN?

bone ride train

↓

Morty: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS BIT?

morty

↓

WE'RE GONNA DIE! LET'S GO!

↓

Jerry: WELL...I CAN SEE YOU'RE BUSY.

busy jerry

↓

MERRY CHRISTMAS, RICK.

christmas merry merry-christmas rick

↓

Rick: [ GROANS ] THERE'S NO AUTOPILOT.

groans rick

↓

ONE OF US WILL HAVE TO STAY HERE AND OPERATE IT MANUALLY.

operate

↓

Morty: UH, WELL...

morty

↓

NO, YOU'RE -- YOU'RE RIGHT.

↓

I-IT WAS A DICK MOVE FOR ME TO EVEN PAUSE LIKE THAT.

dick pause

↓

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

fault

↓

YOU GO ON.

↓

[ BACTERIA SCREECHING ] WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

bacteria screeching

↓

E. COLI OUTBREAK.

outbreak

↓

HURRY!

hurry

↓

Morty: [ SCREAMS ] [ GRUNTS ]

grunts morty screams

↓

WAIT, THERE IS AN AUTOPILOT.

↓

WAIT!

↓

IT'S OKAY! NEVER MIND!

mind

↓

I WANTED TO SACRIFICE MYSELF ANYWAY!

sacrifice wanted

↓

THEY'RE -- THEY'RE CHEWING THROUGH THE DOORS!

chewing doors

↓

Morty: [ SCREAMS ] Morty: WE'RE IN THE AREOLA,

morty screams

↓

RICK -- ALMOST TO THE NIPPLE, BUT WE'RE ALSO IN A REALLY BAD

nipple rick

↓

SITUATION!

situation

↓

Rick: I'M ALMOST THERE, MORTY!

morty rick

↓

REPORTS FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY HAVE BEEN COMING IN

coming country reports

↓

ABOUT WHAT APPEARS TO BE A GIANT, NAKED MAN OVER THE

appears giant naked

↓

CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES.

states united united-states

↓

WE NOW GO TO TOM RANDOLPH IN NEW YORK.

york

↓

TOM?

↓

WELL, THE EYES AREN'T TWINKLING AND THE DIMPLES AREN'T

eyes

↓

MERRY, BUT I'M STANDING UNDER A NOSE LIKE A 70-MILE CHERRY.

cherry merry mile nose standing

↓

THANK YOU, TOM.

↓

LET'S GO NOW TO ERIC McMAHAN IN LOS ANGELES.

angeles eric

↓

WE'VE GOT FEET HERE ON THE WEST COAST, BILL -- GIANT FEET,

bill coast feet giant west

↓

EVEN RELATIVE TO THE GIANT MAN'S SIZE, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY

giant mans relative size

↓

ABOUT THAT.

↓

WELL, IF THE OLD ADAGE IS TRUE, ONE CAN ONLY WONDER WHAT'S

wonder

↓

GOING DOWN IN THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS.

mountains rocky

↓

WHA?

↓

[ SCREAMS ] [ BACTERIA SCREECHING ]

bacteria screams screeching

↓

Morty: OH MY GOD, THE TRACK!

morty track

↓

IT'S HEPATITIS A!

hepatitis

↓

Morty: AAAAH!

aaaah morty

↓

[ SCREAMS ] [ GASPS ]

gasps screams

↓

THE NIPPLE HOLE.

hole nipple

↓

Morty: IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

morty

↓

[ ROARS ] OH, NO!

roars

↓

Morty: HOLY CRAP!

holy morty

↓

WHOA! IT'S HEPATITIS C!

hepatitis whoa

↓

[ GRUNTS ] Morty: UM...WAIT -- DID WE

grunts morty

↓

HAVE SOME SORT OF RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM?

relationship

↓

I THINK THEY'RE JUST LIKE THAT?

↓

I THINK THEY'RE JUST GOOD GUYS.

↓

Morty: OH. HUH.

morty

↓

Rick: WHERE'S DR. BLOOM?

bloom rick

↓

Morty: I'M SORRY, RICK, BUT HE'S DEAD.

dead morty rick

↓

Rick: GOD DAMN IT, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

I ASK YOU TO DO ONE THING!

↓

Beth: JERRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S MISSING.

beth jerry missing

↓

HE'LL COME AROUND, BETH.

beth

↓

CHRISTMAS IS A SPECIAL TIME.

christmas special

↓

IT HAS FUNNY WAYS OF BRINGING FAMILIES TOGETHER.

bringing families funny ways

↓

Beth: I DON'T KNOW, JACOB.

beth jacob

↓

JERRY GOT AN INVITATION TO BE ALIVE TODAY, AND HE REJECTED IT.

alive invitation jerry rejected today

↓

I DON'T KNOW IF OUR MARRIAGE WILL...

marriage

↓

Summer: [ GASPS ] IT'S RAINING BLOOD!

blood gasps raining summer

↓

OH, SHIT. FIND JERRY.

jerry

↓

OH, GOD.

↓

Beth: JERRY!

beth jerry

↓

Jerry: IT'S ALL RIGHT.

jerry

↓

THE TV SAYS THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

worry

↓

THE GIANT, NAKED SKY SANTA HAS EXPLODED.

exploded giant naked santa

↓

BLOOD AND CHUNKS OF VISCERA ARE RAINING DOWN ON THE COUNTRY.

blood chunks country raining

↓

EVERYTHING SHOULD BE FINE.

↓

[ ALL SIGH ] OH, YES.

sigh

↓

Summer: DAD, CAN I HAVE MY PHONE BACK?

phone summer

↓

Jerry: A SURE, SWEETIE. HERE.

jerry sweetie

↓

EVERYBODY, TAKE A DEVICE.

device everybody

↓

IT'LL HELP YOU RELAX.

itll relax

↓

THIS IS NICE.

↓

Jerry: YEAH.

jerry

↓

LOOK, I GUESS WE REALLY LEARNED SOMETHING THIS CHRISTMAS, JACOB.

christmas jacob learned

↓

Summer: NO, WE DIDN'T, DAD.

summer

↓

NO, WE DIDN'T.

↓

Rick: TOO BAD ABOUT DR. BLOOM.

bloom rick

↓

HE WAS A GENIUS -- THE ONLY MAN CAPABLE OF CREATING A NEW

capable creating genius

↓

ANATOMY PARK.

anatomy park

↓

ACTUALLY, I STUDIED DR. BLOOM'S WORK.

studied

↓

I-I-I-I BELIEVE I HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE NECESSARY TO CREATE AN

believe create knowledge necessary

↓

ENTIRELY NEW, MUCH SAFER PARK.

entirely park safer

↓

Rick: WHAT ABOUT...

rick

↓

PIRATES OF THE PANCREAS?

pirates

↓

I THINK IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST UNDERRATED ATTRACTIONS.

↓

Rick: BOO-YAH!

rick

↓

HOLD YOUR BREATH.

breath

↓

Morty: HEY, W-W-WHAT THE HELL, RICK?!

morty rick

↓

WHAT THE HELL, MAN! I LIKED HER!

liked

↓

I REALLY HAD SOMETHING GOING THERE, RICK!

rick

↓

Rick: YEAH, SO I HEARD.

heard rick

↓

[BELCHES] YOU DODGED A BULLET, MORTY -- TRUST ME.

belches bullet dodged morty trust

↓

Puffy vagina.

puffy vagina

↓

Morty: W-WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

morty

↓

THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A PROBLEM TO ME.

problem sound

↓

I DON'T KNOW.

↓

Rick: COME ON, LET'S GET SOME STUFFING.

rick stuffing

↓

I'M STARVING.

starving

↓

[ GADGETS BEEPING ] OH, UNBELIEVABLE.

beeping gadgets unbelievable

↓

WE GOT -- WE GOT A BUNCH OF ROBOT, COMPUTER PEOPLE, SITTING

bunch computer robot sitting

↓

AROUND WITH THEIR FACES STUFFED INTO COMPUTER SCREENS.

computer faces screens stuffed

↓

DO YOU GUYS REALIZE THAT CHRIST WAS BORN TODAY?

born christ realize today

↓

JESUS CHRIST, OUR SAVIOR, WAS BORN TODAY.

born christ jesus jesus-christ savior today

↓

ARE -- ARE -- ARE YOU PEOPLE EVEN HUMAN?

human

↓

WHAT KIND OF CHRISTMAS IS THIS?

christmas

↓

HEY, RICK?

rick

↓

RICK, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

rick

↓

Rick: LOUD AND CLEAR, ANNIE.

annie clear loud rick

↓

GREAT.

↓

WE'RE ALSO ON WITH ALEJANDRO, OUR CHIEF IMAGINARIAN.

chief

↓

HEY, RICK.

rick

↓

NATALIE JACOBS AND CHRIS DESETER FROM MICROSCOPIC

chris

↓

MARKETING, ZACK FROM ORGAN CONCEPTS, AND JAMIE FROM NEW

jamie marketing organ zack

↓

MEDIA.

media

↓

Rick: HEY, EVERYBODY.

everybody rick

↓

HI, HOW'S IT GOING?

↓

HI, RICK.

rick

↓

SO, PIRATES OF THE PANCREAS.

pirates

↓

Rick: YEAH. TALK TO ME.

rick

↓

HEY, RICK.

rick

↓

IT'S ALEJANDRO SPEAKING.

speaking

↓

UM, SO, WE ASKED OURSELVES, INTERNALLY -- WE ASKED OURSELVES

asked internally

↓

OVER HERE, "OKAY, WHAT DOES A PANCREAS DO?"

↓

AND THE ANSWER WAS, "DOES IT MAKE PIRATES?"

answer pirates

↓

NO, IT MAKES INSULIN, YOU KNOW?

insulin makes

↓

SO, WE'RE STARTING WITH A NEW -- THOSE GUYS ARE INSIDE ME,

starting

↓

HUH?

↓

LIKE, BUILDING A PARK?

building park

↓

Rick: THOSE GUYS ARE INSIDE YOU BUILDING A PIECE OF SHIT,

building piece rick

↓

ETHAN!

ethan

↓

THEY'RE INSIDE YOU BUILDING A MONUMENT TO COMPROMISE!

building compromise monument

↓

FUCK 'EM.

fuck

↓

FUCK THOSE PEOPLE.

fuck

↓

FUCK THIS WHOLE THING, ETHAN.

ethan fuck whole

↓

COOL.

cool

↓

AND WHO PAYS ME?

pays