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Malcolm in the Middle

Season 7, Episode 11 โ€” Bride of Ida

TMDB episode metadata
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Look, sooner or later someone is going to have to do the dishes.
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Ooh, it's Paris.
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It's even more beautiful than I imagined!
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In our country,
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after a boy turns 16, he becomes a barochi.
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We watch this boy for one year. Then, when he is ready,
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he is plucked from his mother's teat
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and thrown into the town square,
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where he must battle with the other boys for dominance.
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Wait, up until this point,
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they're still breast feeding?
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It keeps families close.
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The boys fight each other with all their might.
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When it is over, the one left standing is the man.
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The rest are dronska.
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Then more breasts are offered to the proud young man.
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But these are not the withered spigots of the mother, no.
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These are the ripe,
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inviting pleasure domes of the virgins of the village,
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presented dripping with wine.
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Our family comes from the coolest country in the world.
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And it must continue, Reese.
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You must carry on with this ritual.
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Grandma, this is not only moronic, it's impossible.
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For one thing, there is no village full of boys
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for Reese to fight.
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No, we will have to make do.
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The closest thing we have to a boy is you.
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What?
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You shall be the rock on which his knife is sharpened.
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There will be contests of strength and endurance.
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When he defeats you, he shall be a man.
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What if I defeat him?
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And once you are a man, you shall get this.
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The whole plate of potatoes?
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You will take Raduca for your bride.
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You mean, like, I marry her? Now?
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That is why I brought Raduca to this country.
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You brought her here six months ago.
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She's been working as your slave.
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I should get something for my trouble.
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Grandma, you can't take two teenagers
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who've never met each other
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and force them into some sham marriage.
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That's not the way things work in civilized countries.
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If I get a wife, does that mean I get to have sex?
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So much sex you won't believe it.
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I'm in.
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Well, Dad,
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this makes it all worth it.
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They never have "Deweys."
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Look, there's no one there.
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Ma'am, we need you to get back in line.
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We're just trying to get in the empty one.
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That line is for first class
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and Commodores' Club passengers only.
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Excuse me?
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Mom, we need to make this flight.
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So, this airport's policy is that increased security
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should only inconvenience poor people?
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I don't make the rules, ma'am.
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No, no one makes the rules.
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Why would anyone want to take responsibility...?
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Mom!
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Ma'am, step over here, please.
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Oh, I know what it is.
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It's the underwire in my bra.
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It always sets these things off.
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You seem to have something under your shirt.
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Yes, as I said, I have a bra on under my shirt,
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and there is an underwire in my bra.
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- Code 25. - Affirmative.
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I can't believe this is the first underwire
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to come through this place.
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Surely you people have
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encountered bras before.
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This is punishment for what I said
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about the first-class line, isn't it?
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Ma'am, I need to touch your breasts.
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You need to touch my what?!
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I'm required to probe with the back of my hand.
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If you like, you can request up to two female witnesses.
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Let me understand this.
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Because I made a comment about first class,
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I am being singled out for a public feel-up?
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Oh for God's sake, Mom,
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just let her touch your boobs!
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The kid makes a lot of sense, ma'am.
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Now, do you want to do this the easy way
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or the hard way?
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Okay, the tickets are changed.
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The next flight leaves in 15 hours.
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So I get no time to practice and no sleep tonight.
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You should have seen what happened
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the first time I touched them.
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Oh...
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No, I'm canceling everything.
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I'm chartering a helicopter and getting out of...
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Sorry. Oh, I...
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No, I just tripped over some stupid kid
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that was playing around on the floor.
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I'm sorry... I-I'm so sorry.
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Two boys enter,
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one man emerges.
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You must beat him at every contest
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or there will be no bride for you.
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I really appreciate you doing this for me.
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Listen, moron, I'm not doing this to help you get married.
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I'm gonna try to win to keep you
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from flushing your life down the toilet.
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We begin with the Trial of Pain.
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Raduca, the strings.
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This trial teaches an important lesson.
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Until you can ignore your own pain,
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you cannot truly ignore the pain of others.
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The first one to take two steps backwards
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is the victor.
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I don't get why this is supposed to hurt so much.
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Go.
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I didn't think anything above my waist could be so sensitive.
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Why don't you want me to be happy?!
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I'm only doing this because I love you!
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Must... take... mind off...
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ear pain!
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Ow! Ow! Ow!
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The victor!
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That was so easy!
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I barely worked up a sweat.
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- Oh... - May I help you?
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Oh, hi, yes.
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It kills me to have to do this, but I'm gonna return this.
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No... please, Mr. Saunders, don't do that.
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I implore you.
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We know our service got a little slack last year,
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but we have improved.
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We have expanded the buffet.
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Before you make a decision,
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let us get you a massage or a manicure.
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We have complimentary 30-year-old Scotch
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and a full bar.
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Can't we please, please,
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persuade you to give us another chance?
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Well, all right.
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But let's not have a repeat of last time.
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You are now one step closer to your manhood.
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The next trial takes place within the Sack of Fellowship.
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Once inside the sack you will face a choice:
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To work together or to fight each other.
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If you work together,
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you'll both lose.
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So now what happens?
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I don't know.
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I'm still trying to figure out why there's a dog in here.
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Grandma, what are we supposed to do?
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Just get out.
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- That's it? - That's it.
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I did it! Yeah!
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Okay, Reese, you beat me fair and square.
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Just-Just help me get ou...
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Yeah!
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Yeah, yeah...
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Yeah, yeah!
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How's it going, sport?
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Fantastic. I've been practicing for hours.
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Of course, I'm screwed if we have to play on real pianos.
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Ah, buck up, son.
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We're all sacrificing.
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Why are your nails shiny?
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No reason.
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Can I at least have a dollar for the soda machine?
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Nope. All gone to the great tip fairy.
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Boy, these chairs are hard.
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Stop, thief!
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Ow! Ow!
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Dewey, I'm sorry! Ow!
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You crushed my fingers.
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I didn't mean to. Let me see.
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Look what you did to me.
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Keep the fingers elevated, Dewey,
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and don't worry.
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I know where I can find some Evian ice.
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Cool!
โ†“
015342f9-0ff1-4540-b7c0-f5c3fc9363eb.gif
Grandma's got props for the next one.
โ†“
be5e4a93-5180-4d74-a656-122874498039.gif
I'm done, Reese.
โ†“
59399bf3-02a3-49b0-8718-fc8b44981275.gif
I'm not going through any more of these trials.
โ†“
f454aa35-5bd3-49a0-bcea-e265f8a9e4c8.gif
What's the matter?
โ†“
529d0a1d-e82c-40a6-b742-0bc14ce11c5a.gif
I thought we were finally doing something as a family.
โ†“
8f52d3dd-512c-4712-96c5-8f33f82b1dd2.gif
If you want to let that crazy old bat ruin your life, fine.
โ†“
3e9c55dd-dcc3-4456-9450-a2169ff3b333.gif
Knock yourself out.
โ†“
1dc19aec-b536-4c9e-aebb-2cc56b8f0b85.gif
How is she ruining my life?
โ†“
fa4ab2a9-aa4c-4ee9-bd92-d49598cd185b.gif
She's getting me a bride. A female bride.
โ†“
9244028c-322d-4e8f-b7e9-aef9410fccd0.gif
I mean, what are the odds
โ†“
51e8882e-1088-485a-a734-93fa16d5a88c.gif
that a girl is ever going to want me?
โ†“
0a524396-767a-458e-98e4-8f8a06d88e3c.gif
You can get a girl, Reese.
โ†“
dc7ae531-4578-469f-9b62-d020bba4dbc4.gif
If you just didn't act like a vicious,
โ†“
f2e2f14e-21f4-4583-8915-e49c041c2a36.gif
stupid thug all the time.
โ†“
90032cb7-0b3d-4b26-801a-574813e25cc4.gif
Come on, Malcolm, let's be realistic.
โ†“
ffcabd73-a227-4ee8-beda-b644f8373e2f.gif
Grandma, Malcolm doesn't want to play anymore.
โ†“
51ae9e48-8dfa-46e8-9699-ae2638ff2508.gif
So I guess I win by forfeit.
โ†“
aa94a660-4f43-4804-8a51-7c2494a785b0.gif
What?!
โ†“
0615d1f4-9861-4213-a3d7-6b4930afae72.gif
You cannot become a man by forfeit.
โ†“
63606dc2-4f90-4297-8254-6c52bc5b1804.gif
You must go through all the trials.
โ†“
bb4cee0a-6666-4895-9df2-2aea2235506b.gif
You must win every one.
โ†“
2b217d76-a98b-4120-86f6-11909c226ceb.gif
But they're your rules. Can't you just change them?
โ†“
af2b693b-c031-4b21-9a3b-1fcbb471a910.gif
These are not my rules.
โ†“
5606f85d-227d-4bae-84d0-4c3bf57e1e0c.gif
These are the ways of our people.
โ†“
33373fb4-9ee8-43c0-80d0-36985e04ab27.gif
The ways cannot die.
โ†“
5b44c953-ae45-4eaf-84d3-30d108fae27c.gif
Yes, they can.
โ†“
4c94b6de-44bf-46c5-b716-cd6a282bc050.gif
They should. They should be murdered
โ†“
30ed8d9a-5ee2-4dcf-a311-bb6253b6e27c.gif
and mashed up and dumped
โ†“
5a717d82-8789-4b1e-af68-2ae852701fad.gif
down a salt mine along with nuclear waste and left there
โ†“
fc0584a3-8571-4eba-9d7d-9d1b867ed6d9.gif
to fester and rot in a toxic pool of its own filth!
โ†“
658ccf2d-605e-4aab-bdc4-29afcfb0067c.gif
Your pretty words don't hide your fear.
โ†“
2652021d-1d8a-48d8-ad58-bc083359a19e.gif
What?!
โ†“
2f859018-5c0e-4b55-a06c-6dfac677a5ec.gif
You are afraid of the next trial
โ†“
a5f03aaa-f1d7-4b58-b920-aafd3932dac7.gif
because it is a test of intelligence.
โ†“
91099c38-25ff-42d7-a173-0d0c214e2c12.gif
You are afraid to find out
โ†“
e836a7a9-b516-4d5d-8121-f459150d5651.gif
who is really the smart one in the family.
โ†“
7c83fc5d-c77c-4b9b-aaa0-95605ce01043.gif
He goes around
โ†“
5480c7f7-541d-4b3a-b0ae-3038a4e818b5.gif
with his nose in a book, sucking in facts.
โ†“
62878964-bb54-444a-9764-e1195ff0dab3.gif
He doesn't have what we have.
โ†“
822778a3-e734-4c94-a760-ee7328b07551.gif
You and I have street smarts.
โ†“
60117d44-f21a-43b3-a11d-2edd52ad8a16.gif
Oh, here we go.
โ†“
3ee8efc1-c8bb-443a-9eb8-42b9a4036d85.gif
Every moron who's willing to act like a criminal
โ†“
b79ed802-be27-4a10-a90e-07fc3b3ebf0f.gif
is loaded with street smarts.
โ†“
6a2ba0da-8503-45dc-965e-a5c83d4e7739.gif
Well, let me tell you something, Grandma,
โ†“
7d58c775-afd8-41b3-b3cd-3b6b5b2b0728.gif
you're either smart or you're not.
โ†“
cf2376e6-1957-4c47-81fc-3f4904a4394a.gif
Saying you have street smarts
โ†“
41ea6b81-67b7-4e75-8eec-0e33bf609158.gif
just means you're willing to do things
โ†“
786be7ee-3d1e-47be-b1a3-0b2bcfc817be.gif
that smart, sensitive people are too decent to do.
โ†“
48100b36-eabf-4a58-aaba-873249a0bfcc.gif
That's not a sign of intelligence.
โ†“
03fc00e3-16cf-4968-beab-c0d37398b6e7.gif
It's not.
โ†“
1fddba87-7061-4bc8-a2a6-89298f3759d5.gif
It's not!
โ†“
19111165-1c63-4763-8f85-b8ad1c1f2741.gif
I promise to always love and respect you.
โ†“
f9034e63-b5c5-4f82-823b-6f7c9ba8ba3f.gif
As long as you stay in a 20-pound weight range.
โ†“
472fd894-a043-43c5-a830-7df9975118b9.gif
Oh, ah...
โ†“
d1b50880-327b-42c5-8142-e586302d5489.gif
Your drink, sir.
โ†“
0cbd50ae-fa81-4645-b6cf-142f016677ea.gif
Arturo, I would be a dead man without you.
โ†“
9cfc2945-10b3-404d-8344-d9114d03e422.gif
Mr. Saunders.
โ†“
d58b0019-5c53-4e1e-96b9-e949b4151ebf.gif
Please. Mr. Saunders is my father.
โ†“
93fdd670-7c89-47e5-ab84-59fa5b26484e.gif
You can call me...
โ†“
ac4cb6d1-5f96-4129-b061-2de1317380e2.gif
what my first name is.
โ†“
7a08b4f5-a6ea-4ea5-b607-a9eec2b0d2ea.gif
If you'll just follow me.
โ†“
6656d725-78eb-4a19-a260-907d42b446c4.gif
Now, do I disrobe for a salt glow,
โ†“
8f61b53e-3282-463f-864e-3a696a6b21b3.gif
or just strip to the waist?
โ†“
3feebee9-d6a9-4434-92ac-c3cb9fb921c3.gif
- Sit down here. - Oh.
โ†“
114e357e-f7a7-425f-ae88-4d58c1ff6d2d.gif
Our teleconference service was down for an hour.
โ†“
648e1c9b-c3a8-47d2-a5f3-023bb41e467e.gif
I'm sorry it took so long to set up,
โ†“
22eb438e-ef27-4e33-9170-ed0a27bd3528.gif
but everyone's ready for you now.
โ†“
4df893a1-3f10-44b3-b661-4a6b6c91a6b7.gif
London, Berlin,
โ†“
454ba5a7-06a3-42ad-8c9d-409aa6b806ec.gif
Tokyo.
โ†“
36cc0bb1-29e0-4333-88e7-0c12814654dc.gif
Tokyo?
โ†“
8f96ed04-0a96-479b-9443-9df5267374bf.gif
Mr. Saunders, we finally meet face to face.
โ†“
773d11e6-fbb7-40de-8126-85a208038fb5.gif
Yes, uh...
โ†“
6ffc5314-4fe0-484a-91c8-006d9cd06b4a.gif
Well... hi, there.
โ†“
f6edb655-bff4-4e19-8f3b-ecb0a791c129.gif
I'm afraid we can't wait for your reply any longer.
โ†“
e10c4167-8e46-42dc-8e8c-38d7433cf678.gif
We need an answer from you.
โ†“
c9f0e1db-4635-436d-aaef-3322dd0f6a71.gif
You need an answer from me?
โ†“
369875b7-eba6-460f-90c7-3fbe3b66560d.gif
We have five governments involved.
โ†“
4315b872-fa92-4e30-844d-a9257083e41b.gif
If you can't decide,
โ†“
6fe18cea-570b-4270-8adc-9443301de426.gif
we shall have no choice but to sever all ties.
โ†“
6ada22a3-9c62-4065-bc14-25b44762f9d8.gif
That means Malaysia,
โ†“
056569a0-da25-4e55-8224-efa5d623b757.gif
that means Taiwan, that means the entire eastern sector!
โ†“
c9593387-e0ff-4440-85c9-90c30ddb0b47.gif
We need you to choose now, sir.
โ†“
1c19460b-1978-42c7-8f2a-5331d3efffda.gif
Is it yes... or no?
โ†“
36a55fe4-f15c-4180-8f9f-a1f97bf08336.gif
Okay, um...
โ†“
7220dc2a-11f9-444e-9f5a-3afc05fe1198.gif
Just...
โ†“
eecfdf43-267e-4517-8e24-4fd546ea6136.gif
Fine. You have us at a disadvantage.
โ†“
9d0863ea-0619-4306-a422-97ce14a027d4.gif
We will wire another six million into your account.
โ†“
d3219051-d1f9-4d15-b0fc-3259c43d3958.gif
All right, then.
โ†“
b5788472-f279-472c-88f1-0bfde328485c.gif
The answer is yes.
โ†“
10ce9f04-4fa4-4cfa-8e50-62235960093c.gif
Very good.
โ†“
53461dec-9757-4c20-ab3f-5a3600dea707.gif
We'll begin shipping the antidote at once.
โ†“
94100e8f-1498-4e4a-b13f-9039cd9121d6.gif
Oh... excellent.
โ†“
35734427-ce4b-4515-8ba1-568c602703fd.gif
By the way,
โ†“
c2c36130-ba3c-49db-bd28-9f2c5b19d461.gif
are-are we... good guys?
โ†“
801722c5-5b9b-41ca-9e45-f611e735ccd8.gif
Hey, honey.
โ†“
5ef1d6bb-cd59-46e0-833c-bd7b6ded837e.gif
What have you been doing?
โ†“
5981a2b5-629e-41dc-bf6e-18d2cbe62c35.gif
Well, I can honestly say I have no idea.
โ†“
aec62ac0-b4a6-41b1-ac25-3c75405983fc.gif
Do you want me to...?
โ†“
ca2e51f9-c89e-48e8-94d1-3fa948ee1fc7.gif
No.
โ†“
b107246b-b828-4202-bc18-fcf4a1cdafb6.gif
- Stupid hot sauce. - You okay?
โ†“
6d00bb20-572f-48bc-bf28-f1b39de85c8c.gif
Dewey's been absolutely horrible to me.
โ†“
35d88951-d90d-46d0-b300-72ff26e617a3.gif
I know we missed the flight, I know I hurt his fingers,
โ†“
0a512602-1072-4510-9cd7-50b73afbad73.gif
I know this isn't the greatest day of his life,
โ†“
eb35ce5c-ce69-40b3-808d-7f06043da611.gif
but he's been acting like I'm trying
โ†“
27d4b8db-7a14-46ed-9440-11102dd72169.gif
to ruin his contest on purpose.
โ†“
e51b311f-ab36-4a89-b530-705962c5d9ec.gif
Well, honey, it has been an awful lot of stuff in a row.
โ†“
13df33f5-07ed-466a-b623-0f58feade660.gif
What are you saying, Hal?
โ†“
e59e6e40-a100-4b85-9120-0607bc55e64a.gif
You agree with him?
โ†“
43253a91-fe3b-495e-be81-ccf56c2b8d14.gif
You actually think that I would...?
โ†“
c1ab4c55-7518-4afd-9185-29c07e28449f.gif
This is the final test.
โ†“
95070572-fff9-4e9c-8ab6-1036dc8af398.gif
The game of Vishnok
โ†“
c4108c74-e400-4efa-b767-dfb24e19ebfa.gif
will show us who
โ†“
2da2a0f4-c538-48ab-9e29-f9954ca82eeb.gif
has the brains around here.
โ†“
01cb4e24-1213-49ba-8a6c-a339e87f7807.gif
Grandma, how do we play?
โ†“
a0073135-f2d0-4c2c-a71a-97bde2fc1ceb.gif
Shh! You will listen!
โ†“
5a7b30d4-ebbd-4051-9e0b-e610068670c7.gif
The rabbits
โ†“
d7a6c495-9649-4c90-9099-3a66dbb696df.gif
run to their lair.
โ†“
542bdc39-8f95-4e55-82ac-600895150d98.gif
The moon embraces you.
โ†“
34c9d524-0f67-4868-893f-1562df719294.gif
The horse turns to lead.
โ†“
7ed4a845-713d-446f-898b-877cfb82afaa.gif
The apple holds
โ†“
38a55132-c50d-462f-8c20-8d2b7438ec7e.gif
the key.
โ†“
7e2d7f53-87d7-4caa-9cf0-5338e80a05cb.gif
You have two minutes.
โ†“
d0c24cc8-0757-4dd5-b434-bb2ec1ba7a3f.gif
What are we doing?
โ†“
9cf8e833-1c97-400b-bd78-a89d01220cb7.gif
I don't know.
โ†“
b5440df5-309d-482d-9f9e-56e98523eadd.gif
Did you feel this?
โ†“
301f9f34-f6f5-46ed-90c4-67975b998c2c.gif
What?
โ†“
0caecdc4-2787-42a0-a6da-76557566e829.gif
The rabbits run to their lair.
โ†“
e9af93d3-a8e7-4ffe-81fb-ed5136321de0.gif
The moon embraces you.
โ†“
ce250e90-3bad-4717-8f61-bdf69640cc2c.gif
The horse turns
โ†“
a0fdaaa0-3bf5-463c-9406-842da62639e8.gif
to lead.
โ†“
ab424bed-f7f7-4948-ae8e-e7aa47d73bdc.gif
The apple holds the key.
โ†“
5ad230f5-835e-4700-8d86-bcc500783370.gif
Ha! I beat him! It's over!
โ†“
16eab8c1-dd44-49a2-a1ec-b5cc40eab097.gif
...proski, verontut...
โ†“
f09d6dd0-9d0f-4814-ab0c-cb81d80572ee.gif
The marriage is off.
โ†“
c15e8216-21d3-46f2-ba2f-f58db550650b.gif
After 2,000 years your ways are dead.
โ†“
447453a0-c402-4532-8b9a-19d01550a57a.gif
I am content the ways have been followed.
โ†“
2d9730d8-1ebd-4801-93e0-378ffc25e6aa.gif
What?!
โ†“
3d8b4f31-c7cb-4f34-966a-a2932276cc58.gif
No. No, you don't get to pretend you're okay with this.
โ†“
3eec9e1f-73c1-4815-a021-97cac2ac5df4.gif
I never followed your ways.
โ†“
d0552acc-7aba-4e57-8879-7624e760c495.gif
Well, I did, but it was for a different reason...
โ†“
1a9f8735-bfec-4fc2-b016-f79270cd520a.gif
Pack up my things, cow.
โ†“
6238a6a2-8b0e-4f63-a12f-c45b412a9ade.gif
We leave in five minutes.
โ†“
c4d64e0c-72cd-4c65-a93e-d7d803f23d33.gif
No, wait.
โ†“
a6ad2e76-c6cf-40a5-9161-ed66ac68abba.gif
Don't go!
โ†“
b9bf1714-077e-4316-ac66-84d30998875e.gif
I got two out of three.
โ†“
30c31f0c-ce15-4fb9-98f1-0f51967df019.gif
There must be some way I can marry Raduca.
โ†“
4392897f-77de-481a-9868-34349d731562.gif
It is impossible.
โ†“
caf13d86-7820-433f-ba2f-b6546d405dd3.gif
You're not a man.
โ†“
3aea39c9-9cdf-4259-9369-769b630847c5.gif
The most you can ever hope to be now
โ†“
b125a31f-5636-47d8-8d67-74d649b3aed3.gif
is a very butch woman.
โ†“
46488e8c-3c37-4d7f-a4dd-9436070c37e5.gif
Well, I'm going to marry her anyway!
โ†“
7a509073-3fdd-44e4-9c25-cbfe18cb3eb2.gif
It is forbidden. The ways don't allow you.
โ†“
b72ecb16-048d-4431-95dd-25478b039832.gif
Well, then from now on, I reject your ways forever!
โ†“
e9021a3b-cc9f-460e-9737-565c60716518.gif
Listen, I'm not the perfect guy.
โ†“
1b222fb5-05fc-48e4-ae7d-9a03f6f30b84.gif
I might not even be a good guy.
โ†“
c01f75f3-d9c8-416e-852e-98f599e2e640.gif
But if you marry me,
โ†“
300174a1-e846-4392-8702-012448300871.gif
we'll both be certain for the rest of our lives
โ†“
243924cf-fa2a-4b7b-b2bb-df86e0b28ffd.gif
that I never could have done any better.
โ†“
44557a41-e769-47bb-a290-8dacb7776665.gif
She will never marry a dronska like you.
โ†“
d27ff701-7b30-4c01-b877-75b3aeb51189.gif
She's a good girl.
โ†“
3ec71746-fed2-47be-ae38-7cafe432d396.gif
I will marry you.
โ†“
14279338-7be1-4019-9e55-7644694fb893.gif
I forbid you to do this!
โ†“
edf78e46-a693-43e2-b915-ea4a969d4d77.gif
You cannot forbid me.
โ†“
1cb5fa12-96e1-4173-8d16-776c5d181aa6.gif
I am American girl now.
โ†“
34962903-c72c-4f44-82a1-4542eb989303.gif
I have iPod.
โ†“
c84bab7f-2d5a-4e61-b022-8cf5ce5ab288.gif
I wear thong.
โ†“
c93ba7a1-7c6e-41ba-9d50-9b97d7a9eb3e.gif
I shave!
โ†“
c38935e8-c4e4-4365-9893-ba590a6df543.gif
Hide your shame, whore!
โ†“
dee18016-2cc7-43a3-b33a-d6036d3d71fe.gif
You can't talk to my wife that way.
โ†“
c55e417f-f377-49c8-80ce-329d7edeb01e.gif
I'm going to spend the rest of my life
โ†“
caec5779-3c62-4543-bb55-22a24373f47c.gif
with the woman I probably love.
โ†“
8a48e198-d9ae-44b4-b586-148220b04efe.gif
Well, apparently only permanent blindness
โ†“
4628e98e-61f1-4634-8246-09d9c0151edd.gif
gets you bumped up to first class.
โ†“
0a84eaae-5420-4900-9162-55d73711c49b.gif
The redness is going down.
โ†“
33b86d6e-d667-42da-92e7-59f5d4e56a23.gif
I think you can compete just fine.
โ†“
9879bdb0-bce7-4c04-b53f-bd60e80a6c21.gif
Why don't you just cut the act, Mom?
โ†“
6a6b500d-fd56-4ce8-88ad-037b8fca465c.gif
You got what you wanted.
โ†“
7ffdcde7-03c2-4fb4-928d-ba8c408a83c1.gif
What are you talking about?
โ†“
275d68b1-93ed-4048-9c99-1e8f7f192fff.gif
You don't like watching me be successful, because it
โ†“
a5ad8986-37bf-4b5e-ad03-494edb771df0.gif
reminds you that you never did anything with your life.
โ†“
1afa3868-592c-44bb-afe6-2d9321caff78.gif
And now, instead of taking joy in your kids' accomplishments,
โ†“
5a9470d4-c636-4acc-a46b-08eb791d475a.gif
you undermine us so we won't show you up.
โ†“
4c6b22ac-147a-4c2a-9e69-a10b5166c51d.gif
Maybe it's unconscious,
โ†“
9780bd65-2cc6-4c9b-98cd-7950264c9cff.gif
maybe you know you're doing it,
โ†“
78543b34-faba-4498-b04e-46e7ca4d02c2.gif
but that's what's been going on this whole trip.
โ†“
6fd3f5f9-b0cf-4fef-b6f1-6d1f3de9e367.gif
- So what? - Huh?
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You think you're the first kid in the world
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whose parents ever sabotaged him?
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Please, Dewey,
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parents undermine their children all the time.
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My dad told me
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I would never amount to anything
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and live a life of hardship
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and constant disappointment.
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Oh.
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Wait. We're talking about Mom.
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Well, you shouldn't be.
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This is your life.
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Crap flies at you.
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You got to learn to deal with it.
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Besides, which story would you rather tell--
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the one where you show up at a contest,
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play something and get a prize,
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or the one where your family torpedoes you
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and even though you are crippled and blind,
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you still come through to win first place?
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I guess the second one's a better story.
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Of course it is.
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Okay, Mom.
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Let's go to St. Louis.
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Damn straight.
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Let's win this thing.
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Wow, that Chinese kid was good.
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I have to hand it to you, Mom,
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having Grandma look after us sure kept us out of trouble.
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Where's your brother?
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In Vegas.
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I now pronounce you man and wife.
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I'll do everything I can to make you happy.
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As soon as we get home,
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I'm kicking Dewey and Malcolm out of the big bed.