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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
» S13E10 — Mac Finds His Pride
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Season 13, Episode 10 — Mac Finds His Pride
Mac, Mac, open up!
#1
⇓
Let me in! There's no time to waste! Come on!
#2
⇓
Come on, man! I know you're in there!
#3
⇓
Oh, that's it! I'm coming in!
#4
⇓
I just opened up the old cut.
#6
⇓
Why didn't you open the door?
#7
⇓
- It wasn't locked. - Come on, we got to get going.
#8
⇓
You got any ice in there? Ow.
#9
⇓
They put me in charge.
#10
⇓
It's a gay pride parade or something.
#11
⇓
Can I use this sock?
#12
⇓
Oh, my God.
#13
⇓
We're making a float for the parade,
#14
⇓
to rope in the gays.
#15
⇓
Ow! But we only got 24 hours.
#16
⇓
I'm gonna use this newspaper.
#17
⇓
I stuff it up.
#18
⇓
I plug it. Okay.
#19
⇓
Well, you're gonna be our prize gay.
#20
⇓
You're gonna dance on top. They told me to get you.
#21
⇓
I told 'em, "I don't get the whole gay thing."
#22
⇓
I drew the short straw, so here I am. Let's roll.
#23
⇓
I-I don't want to do that, because I-I just...
#24
⇓
I don't know where I fit in as a gay man,
#25
⇓
Oh, Christ! Now?
#27
⇓
They give me one job and I got to deal with your feelings?
#28
⇓
I-I don't know. I-I...
#29
⇓
I'm not feeling very proud.
#30
⇓
And-and, to be honest, now that you're gay,
#32
⇓
I get you even less.
#33
⇓
Nothing against it.
#34
⇓
I just don't get it.
#35
⇓
But let's try and work together, okay?
#36
⇓
Help me help you, all right?
#37
⇓
All right. I guess. Sure.
#38
⇓
Okay. Let's go find your pride.
#39
⇓
Where exactly are you taking me, Frank?
#40
⇓
Your problem is you're only hanging out with straights.
#41
⇓
I'm gonna take you to a club where you can meet a few guys,
#42
⇓
maybe snap you out of that funk you're in.
#43
⇓
You're just scared, is all.
#46
⇓
You got to meet a couple of normal gays.
#47
⇓
And, by the way, when we're in there,
#48
⇓
you got to watch my back.
#49
⇓
If one of these queens comes at me, I'm gonna go berserk.
#50
⇓
Frank, you're a 75-year-old man
#51
⇓
I'm sure you're safe.
#53
⇓
Yeah.
#54
⇓
L-Let's try to blend in.
#55
⇓
Okay.
#56
⇓
Ooh.
#57
⇓
Jesus Christ, Frank.
#58
⇓
Isn't this what all gay guys are into?
#59
⇓
I-I don't think so, but, either way, I know I'm not into it.
#60
⇓
A-All right, all right, relax.
#61
⇓
Let's hit the buffet. We'll hang back.
#62
⇓
We'll scope out the scene.
#63
⇓
Ooh. This is a much better spread
#65
⇓
than they have at the straight orgies.
#66
⇓
- Yeah, I don't feel comfortable in here. - Oh. Hmm.
#67
⇓
I know. That's why you got to jump in headfirst.
#68
⇓
I don't want to get smacked around.
#70
⇓
That's part of the culture, Mac.
#71
⇓
It's a very small subset of the culture.
#72
⇓
And it's totally fine for these guys,
#73
⇓
but it's just a little too much for me.
#74
⇓
Too... Ow. Oh, and this cut.
#75
⇓
I got to take 'em out and restuff.
#76
⇓
- Mm, I got to plug it, gotta plug it up. - Oh!
#78
⇓
- You're putting it in the chicken? - Got to... Yeah.
#79
⇓
- What are you... Oh, my God. - No, I got to keep it plugged.
#80
⇓
Ooh, ooh, ooh, that's spicy.
#81
⇓
Ooh, there must be some hot sauce on them wings.
#82
⇓
They're buffalo wings.
#83
⇓
- Let me try one. - Don't eat the god... Oh, Frank.
#84
⇓
Oh, look out. Incoming.
#85
⇓
Um, how may we help you?
#86
⇓
Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
#88
⇓
No. Because you put your nose rags in the chicken.
#90
⇓
Oh, uh, excuse me, Your Highness, I'll be more careful.
#91
⇓
to let my boy Mac here take you for a spin?
#93
⇓
I'm not a prostitute.
#94
⇓
- You do this for fun? - Yes.
#95
⇓
- I... You see, I drew the short straw. - Okay.
#98
⇓
- Uh, let's go, Frank. I'm so sorry, sir. - That's it.
#99
⇓
No, no, no. No, Goldilocks, we're not going home.
#101
⇓
I-I admit it. Fine.
#104
⇓
We're gonna go someplace softer.
#105
⇓
So, you see anything you like?
#108
⇓
Not really. These are drag queens, Frank.
#109
⇓
Come on, Mac. Help me out.
#110
⇓
I'm sticking my neck out for you and you're giving me nothing.
#111
⇓
I mean, one false move,
#114
⇓
these fairies could poke me full of holes.
#115
⇓
Fairies? What year is it in your head?
#116
⇓
Well, help me out here, man.
#117
⇓
as a top or a bottom?
#120
⇓
Oh, I haven't come out to him yet.
#122
⇓
Well, maybe that's it.
#123
⇓
You got to tell your dad.
#124
⇓
I-I feel like I got to show him.
#126
⇓
And-and I've been working on something, actually,
#127
⇓
but it's just gonna take me a few more weeks, so...
#128
⇓
No, no, weeks, weeks, no.
#129
⇓
We got to be on that float tomorrow.
#130
⇓
You just don't... you don't know what's going on inside of me.
#132
⇓
Well, I'm sure there's five or six superviruses
#133
⇓
- eating out your insides. - No, no.
#134
⇓
I mean the struggle to be who I am.
#135
⇓
I-I just want to show him, so that he can understand.
#136
⇓
Okay, well, there's...
#138
⇓
there's, like, this storm inside of me
#139
⇓
and-and it's been raging my whole life.
#140
⇓
And-and I'm down on my knees and-and I'm-I'm looking
#141
⇓
for answers and then God comes down
#142
⇓
to me-- and it's a very hot chick--
#143
⇓
and she pulls me up and we start dancing, okay?
#144
⇓
W-Wait, wait, wait.
#145
⇓
- who is God? - Yes.
#147
⇓
- The Catholics really fucked you up. - Oh, you didn't get it?
#148
⇓
- I'm never gonna get it. - Okay. All right.
#149
⇓
- Let me start at the beginning, I'll... - No, no. Wait.
#150
⇓
Christ, I'm sweating.
#151
⇓
My-my head is exploding.
#152
⇓
I'm gonna try some of this... put a little of this...
#153
⇓
It'll be good.
#154
⇓
Aah! Aah!
#155
⇓
Ah, shit!
#156
⇓
Ah, that burns.
#157
⇓
Oh, Christ, it's swelling.
#158
⇓
Frank, I think your nose
#159
⇓
- is infected, man. - No, no, no, no.
#160
⇓
I got... I'm using this insulation
#161
⇓
to plug up the flow. I just...
#162
⇓
Yeah, that seems safe. Oh, shit! Here he comes.
#163
⇓
- I'm freaking out. - Don't-don't dance around it.
#164
⇓
Just tell him. Rip the Band-Aid off.
#165
⇓
- He'll be cool. You'll see. - He'll be cool.
#166
⇓
- Yeah. - Yeah, he's cool, he's cool.
#167
⇓
Yeah.
#168
⇓
- Go for it. - Yeah.
#169
⇓
H-Hey.
#170
⇓
Hey, Dad! H-Hey, it's, uh...
#171
⇓
it's-it's been a couple years.
#172
⇓
- So, how you been? - Yeah.
#173
⇓
My cellmate ratted on me for having an extra pillow.
#174
⇓
I cut out his tongue with a rusty pair of pliers
#175
⇓
and fed it to the maggots.
#176
⇓
Cool...
#177
⇓
Very cool.
#178
⇓
So, um...
#179
⇓
there's something that, uh,
#180
⇓
I've been meaning to tell you for a while now.
#181
⇓
Uh-huh...
#182
⇓
All right, there's, like, a storm inside of me, all right?
#183
⇓
And-and-and... and God sent me an angel...
#184
⇓
an angel, and this... this angel is a woman.
#185
⇓
No. Don't.
#186
⇓
And this woman and I-- we start dancing,
#187
⇓
and we get very passionate, and then...
#188
⇓
It's all very confusing, but in the end,
#189
⇓
something new is born.
#190
⇓
Well, wha-what he's trying to say...
#191
⇓
Oh, I know exactly what he's trying to say.
#192
⇓
My son...
#193
⇓
finally knocked someone up.
#194
⇓
I'm gonna be a grandfather.
#195
⇓
- Uh... - Finally!
#196
⇓
Someone to carry on my name.
#197
⇓
Yeah, I mean...
#198
⇓
You know, I-I could carry on your name.
#199
⇓
Yeah. Son, listen to me.
#200
⇓
I never really got you,
#201
⇓
you know?
#202
⇓
But now,
#203
⇓
I see that there's hope for you yet.
#204
⇓
Well, I-I mean, not with your life,
#205
⇓
but with the life of your son.
#206
⇓
Well, we don't know that it's gonna be a boy.
#207
⇓
Hey, if it's not a boy,
#208
⇓
you flush that shit out and try again!
#209
⇓
Yeah. Yeah, definitely.
#210
⇓
I'll flush that shit out, and you...
#211
⇓
I'm gonna give you a boy, Dad.
#212
⇓
I'm gonna be a grandfather.
#213
⇓
We will! Dad, you are gonna be a grandfather. Daddy.
#214
⇓
Uh, Dad? Dad?
#215
⇓
Hey, Dad? Yeah, Dad.
#216
⇓
Oh, no, he had to go. The guards called him back.
#217
⇓
The guards called him back.
#218
⇓
Oh, that went well.
#219
⇓
Frank? Frank?
#220
⇓
- Aah! Ah, this goddamn cut! - Yeah...
#221
⇓
- Oh! - Trying to plug it up.
#222
⇓
- Whoa! - But I can't stop it.
#223
⇓
- Holy shit! - Oh.
#224
⇓
I'm using lemon juice and hot glue to close up the wound.
#225
⇓
- Uh, yeah, okay. - Huh?
#226
⇓
- All right, look, where's Mac, dude? - Huh?
#227
⇓
Mac. You were supposed to get him. Where is he?
#228
⇓
- Yeah! - Yeah! Well, is he... is he here? Come on.
#229
⇓
- He's coming. - All right, well, good.
#230
⇓
Well, he's super late, though. Come on.
#231
⇓
No big deal if he doesn't do it, right?
#232
⇓
I mean, we could find somebody else.
#233
⇓
Someone else? Come on, come on.
#234
⇓
What are you gonna have you, me, dancing on top of the gay float?
#235
⇓
- No. - No, no, the press'll murder us!
#236
⇓
- We need an authentically gay man. - Huh.
#237
⇓
They'll see right through it, man. They'll kill us.
#238
⇓
I didn't know you guys were taking this so seriously.
#239
⇓
We're taking it very seriously.
#240
⇓
You know what? I got something to show you.
#241
⇓
Come look, okay? That will change everything.
#242
⇓
Hey-oh!
#243
⇓
Holy shit!
#244
⇓
- Yeah, right? - Right?
#245
⇓
- I mean, this thing's amazing, man. - Aw.
#246
⇓
Like, it's got a working bar, it's got these confetti cannons.
#247
⇓
- Huh. - It's even got, like, a shower
#248
⇓
- that's gonna pour water on Mac... - Ooh.
#249
⇓
...while he does his, like, sexy gay dance
#250
⇓
or whatever the hell he's been working on this whole time.
#251
⇓
- Yeah. - So, the only thing that's missing...
#252
⇓
- Yeah? - ...is Mac!
#253
⇓
Yeah. Uh, uh...
#254
⇓
Yeah, good, good. No problem, I got that covered.
#255
⇓
- I got it. - I hope so, dude,
#256
⇓
'cause you only had one job to do, man.
#257
⇓
I got it, I got it.
#258
⇓
Go, go. Don't mess around the bar. Go!
#259
⇓
Sure. What? Ugh!
#260
⇓
Who the hell are you?
#261
⇓
Who the hell are you?
#262
⇓
Oh!
#263
⇓
Ah, no!
#264
⇓
- Mac! - What do you want, Frank?
#265
⇓
You were banging that broad, weren't you?
#266
⇓
You're-you're trying to get a girl pregnant
#267
⇓
just because that's what your father wants you to do!
#268
⇓
- Ah! Ah! Ah. - No. Frank, that's not what it is, man.
#269
⇓
You don't understand.
#270
⇓
You're going back in the closet, aren't you?
#271
⇓
I can't stand it. Nobody can stand it. Ah.
#272
⇓
I'm not going back in the closet, all right?
#273
⇓
I-I just need to come out to him my way,
#274
⇓
and I'm not ready to do that yet, all right?
#275
⇓
Ah! Ah! I don't care!
#276
⇓
You're coming with me, you're going on that float.
#277
⇓
No! Frank, I'm not ready.
#278
⇓
I don't want to do it, and you can't make me.
#279
⇓
Fine! Fine. Okay.
#280
⇓
Stay here and bang your broads
#281
⇓
and feel sorry for yourself. You know, I don't care.
#282
⇓
I don't need you. I'll get another gay.
#283
⇓
Somebody way hotter than you.
#284
⇓
Hey-oh!
#285
⇓
Allow me to introduce Paddy's top gay,
#286
⇓
a man everybody in the neighborhood knows,
#287
⇓
everybody loves.
#288
⇓
The gay that will rope in all the gays.
#289
⇓
- Cricket! - What?
#290
⇓
- Hey! Huh? - Oh! Ah, ha, ha, ha.
#291
⇓
Oh! (laughs) Yeah.
#292
⇓
- Huh? - Yeah.
#293
⇓
What the hell, Frank? Where's Mac?
#294
⇓
- Mac's out. - Why?!
#295
⇓
- I think he's going back in the closet. - Goddamn it.
#296
⇓
You had one job: get the gay man to dance on the gay float.
#297
⇓
- I know. No, he's, he... - It's not that hard.
#298
⇓
We got a problem. We got a problem.
#299
⇓
Dennis doesn't want to drive.
#300
⇓
Now he's saying he's claustrophobic under there.
#301
⇓
What is Cricket doing here?
#302
⇓
- Because Frank blew it! - Aw, come on, man.
#303
⇓
- You had one job to do. - That's what I said.
#304
⇓
Cricket's gonna do the dance. Dance, Cricket. Go. Dance.
#305
⇓
No. No, no, no. He look... Oh, God. No! Come on, man.
#306
⇓
- No. - He looks like a monster,
#307
⇓
and you look like a monster.
#308
⇓
We're not trying to invite a bar full of monster men.
#309
⇓
We're-we're looking for high-spending gay men.
#310
⇓
Yeah, but get Dennis to dance.
#311
⇓
You can't get the straight man to dance.
#312
⇓
The press would murder us.
#313
⇓
The press doesn't give two shits about us.
#314
⇓
Frank, it's 2018, and you're the only person
#315
⇓
who doesn't seem to understand gay culture.
#316
⇓
That's true. That's true.
#317
⇓
My head is swelling with blood.
#318
⇓
Goddamn it, Charlie. We got to be there in 20 minutes.
#319
⇓
All right. You know what?
#320
⇓
Um, Cricket, fine. You can dance. Let's go.
#321
⇓
- Yo. - Frank, can you at least
#322
⇓
- drive the thing? Let's go. - Yeah. All right.
#323
⇓
- Yes. - You're driving. You'll squeeze in there.
#324
⇓
- You drive. - Come on, man.
#325
⇓
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
#326
⇓
Lady, I'm not going anywhere until I see an Abraham Lincoln.
#327
⇓
Here you go.
#328
⇓
What is this? What is this?
#329
⇓
- Like, 73 cents. - No. I-I said Abraham Lincoln.
#330
⇓
- There's a bunch of Lincolns in there. - Oh, those are pennies!
#331
⇓
- Okay. You want to give it back to me? - Well, no. Hold on.
#332
⇓
- Okay, you're gonna do it? - Yeah, I'll do it.
#333
⇓
- Yes, of course I'll do it. - Then go do it. Go!
#334
⇓
All right, now wait a second.
#335
⇓
How do you turn it on? First the lights.
#336
⇓
What is that?
#337
⇓
Oh, that must be...
#338
⇓
Okay, let's see what we got here.
#339
⇓
Okay, uh, "Start north on Second Street.
#340
⇓
Turn right on... Dickens Avenue."
#341
⇓
Straight to... What the...?
#342
⇓
Oh. Oh, shit. I...
#343
⇓
Oh, God. Oh, this is ridiculous.
#344
⇓
Oh, shit, I can't do this.
#345
⇓
You know what? Screw this.
#346
⇓
No good.
#347
⇓
Mac?
#348
⇓
Mac?
#349
⇓
Mac, come here. Let me in. Let me in.
#350
⇓
I'm gonna break the door down!
#351
⇓
One. Two. Three.
#352
⇓
Whoa. Ah, sh...
#353
⇓
Ah, shit!
#354
⇓
Jesus, Frank, that's a lot of blood. Is that from just now?
#355
⇓
Oh, no. No, that's from earlier.
#356
⇓
You-you see, Mac, I've been in agony the whole day,
#357
⇓
but I came to this realization
#358
⇓
that sometimes you got to let the blood flow
#359
⇓
in order to start the healing.
#360
⇓
Some cuts you just can't plug up.
#361
⇓
That's the same for you. You got this thing inside you,
#362
⇓
and you're trying to plug it up.
#363
⇓
But you got to let that shit out.
#364
⇓
You got to let it flow.
#365
⇓
Otherwise you're gonna be in agony for the rest of your life.
#366
⇓
So you're saying that if I dance on the float,
#367
⇓
that maybe I'll find my pride?
#368
⇓
No. No, forget the float.
#369
⇓
That's just doing it for the wrong reasons.
#370
⇓
You got to do something else.
#371
⇓
I got you a couple things
#372
⇓
from the float that you can use.
#373
⇓
I paid off the warden.
#374
⇓
They think they're seeing a Blake Shelton concert,
#375
⇓
and I put your dad in the front row.
#376
⇓
All right, I just...
#377
⇓
I just don't know if I can do this, Frank.
#378
⇓
Mac, I don't get it, and I may never get it,
#379
⇓
but I do know you got to do this.
#380
⇓
You said you want to tell your dad your way.
#381
⇓
So, now, do it.
#382
⇓
Yeah. Yeah.
#383
⇓
Hello, gentlemen.
#384
⇓
Dudes.
#385
⇓
Unfortunately...
#386
⇓
Blake Shelton will not be making it today.
#387
⇓
But, uh, he did send me in his stead,
#388
⇓
and I've got something special to show you.
#389
⇓
Uh, my name is Ronald McDonald, and...
#390
⇓
I named him that.
#391
⇓
I got something that I got to tell you, Dad,
#392
⇓
and I've been trying to find the best way to do it, and...
#393
⇓
I just thought instead of saying it,
#394
⇓
maybe I could just show you how I feel inside.
#395
⇓
Dad...
#396
⇓
I'm gay.
#397
⇓
It's okay.
#398
⇓
It's okay.
#399
⇓
It's okay.
#400
⇓
Oh, my God.
#401
⇓
I get it.
#402
⇓
I get it.
#403
⇓
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