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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S07E02 — Health Insurance

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 7, Episode 2 — Health Insurance

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Health Insurance
Air date: October 07, 2005
Director: Steve Welch
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
When Hal forgets to pay the family's health insurance, the company will not reinstate it until Monday, so he panics and locks the boys in their room to keep them from getting hurt.
Source: TMDB
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Eat faster!
faster
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Don't chew it. Just swallow it!
chewswallow
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Nothing.
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Granted, this isn't scientific,
grantedscientific
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but the fact that Reese can't get brain freeze
brainbrain-freezefactfreezereese
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has to prove something.
prove
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Wait...
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I'm feeling something in my toes.
feelingtoes
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We did it!
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ec602ae4-480f-48fe-b995-3b98bbca63d6.gif
We finally got back at Tim Schwab and his brother.
brotherfinally
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- What'd you do? - We found a dead octopus
deadfoundoctopuswhatd
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in a dumpster at the seafood store.
dumpsterseafoodstore
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We shoved its mouth full of medical waste
fullmedicalmouthmouth-fullshovedwaste
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and put it in the Schwabs' air conditioner.
conditioner
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That'll teach him to say we're obnoxious.
obnoxiousteachthatll
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- Why didn't you let me help? - It couldn't wait, Dewey.
dewey
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I was so relieved
relieved
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we could schedule something today.
scheduletoday
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I've got a killer day ahead.
aheadkiller
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What was that?
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It was just his allergies.
allergies
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Allergies?
allergies
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fa6ce08a-c753-4f7a-888d-7f259bdba38f.gif
Or disease?
disease
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There are a lot of viruses going around.
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Some of these kids are nothing but walking germ bags.
bagskidswalking
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He seems a little unresponsive.
seems
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Is Jamie's mother home?
homejamiesmother
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Boy, I do not like the way this gland feels.
feels
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What did his poop look like this morning?
morningpoop
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Mommy...
mommy
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You know, I'm not sure Teddy's
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up for a play date today.
datetoday
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Oh, Jamie will be so disappointed.
disappointedjamie
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Come on, Teddy. We're going to Mommy's job interview.
interviewmommysteddy
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We'll do it again some other time.
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Just make sure you bring a note from his doctor.
bringdoctornote
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Oh!
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What are you doing?!
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This is not a toy!
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I didn't think I was cutting my bagel with a toy.
bagelcutting
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This is plenty sharp.
plentysharp
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Wait!
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Here.
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And use the handle.
handle
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We're living in a death house.
deathhouseliving
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...and that's why I propose
propose
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we affiliate ourselves with the Teamsters.
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They can deliver a benefits package
benefitsdeliverpackage
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that's quite substantial.
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It's all spelled out in this literature.
literaturespelled
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Well, I think this is a bad idea. Bad, bad, bad!
idea
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Craig, it can't hurt to just listen.
craighurt
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When Mr. Cochran finds out we're talking union,
cochranfindsunion
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we'll lose all our perks.
loseperks
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What perks?
perks
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We get to wear the smocks on our days off.
dayswear
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And they're talking about fixing
fixing
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the hand dryer in the men's room.
dryerhandmensmens-roomroom
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I'd just like to thank Hattie for organizing this meeting.
meeting
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I think it's about time
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that the people who really do the work around here
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start standing up for ourselves.
standingstart
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I for one, am sick of no overtime,
overtimesick
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no job security...
security
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Excuse me, Joe, I just want to say
excuse
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that Mr. Cochran makes a lot more money than us.
cochranmakesmoney
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And I strongly feel that on that basis alone,
alonebasisstrongly
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he should be trusted.
trusted
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Oh, for God's sake, Craig.
craiggodsgods-sakesake
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You know what really bothers me?
bothers
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ee61c5a8-2343-4caf-8d47-e0ec7c15955c.gif
When I see Mr. Cochran parking his car out front every morning
cochranfrontmorningparking
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and we've got to park nine blocks away.
blocksninepark
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They let us use the shuttle to get to our cars.
carsshuttle
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That's the city bus, Craig.
citycraig
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I appreciate all the anger that's in this room,
angerappreciateroom
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and God knows I'm not one to shy away from a fight,
fightknows
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but I suggest that instead of starting a union,
startingsuggestunion
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we form a special committee
committeeformspecial
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to maybe paint Mr. Cochran's house
cochranshousepaint
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so he'll want to be nice to us.
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Sit down and shut up, Feldspar.
feldspar
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You know what?
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I've worked here for almost ten years.
workedyears
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I have never felt we needed a union,
neededunion
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but when I think about what this place has done to some of us,
place
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how it's made us so afraid to even voice our opinions,
afraidopinionsvoice
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then I think maybe we do.
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Okay, but let the record show
record
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that I advocated a policy of cowardice and appeasement.
policy
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Oh, there you... Come here.
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ef5fe443-87b7-4784-9913-a3789f38ae79.gif
Hi.
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Okay.
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Hattie's been holding these secret union meetings
holdingmeetingssecretunion
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during our breaks-- oh, it's so complicated.
breakscomplicated
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We'd have to pay dues, but we'd save on health insurance.
dueshealthhealth-insuranceinsurancesave
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Oh, really?
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How fast would we get health insurance?
fasthealthhealth-insuranceinsurance
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ed40a52e-d12d-42d7-9155-9a1f54787461.gif
Hattie thinks we can start serious talks
seriousstarttalksthinks
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eef183a1-88cf-4493-b86d-50ef3cc3b98b.gif
with the Teamsters next month.
month
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1e700ec1-59d5-40aa-bb86-7d3e25940cb4.gif
Oh, who cares?
cares
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Boys, breakfast.
boysbreakfast
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Hal, where are all the forks?
forks
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Oh, uh,
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they were all bent out of shape
bentshape
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so I sent them out to that guy who fixes them.
sent
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The "fork straightener"?
fork
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It's the man's work, Lois.
loismans
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I don't think we should make fun.
fun
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Hal, how are the boys
boys
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a4a46033-40c6-499f-8798-d84113d44fbd.gif
gonna eat scrambled eggs without forks?
eggsforksscrambled
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I have to go.
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Honey, you know what's a great look?
honey
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I saw this gal the other day in a bike helmet,
bikehelmet
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and I thought, "Why the heck can't women
heckwomen
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look this good all the time?"
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a5411e59-1886-4089-8429-c2d2a75b5de9.gif
Ooh, baby.
baby
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6468c14f-08e8-4c12-b8f1-17368b1a6709.gif
Hal, you're messing up my hair.
hairmessing
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Okay, look, just buckle up and drive slowly.
buckledriveslowly
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Get there late, but get there!
late
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Let this be a lesson to every one of you.
lesson
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c8ac5b34-a782-4c52-b204-2c2e6b68876f.gif
What's going on with Hattie?
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86ae79b0-4889-4f8d-9af1-1450dcec05d5.gif
Cochran fired her this morning.
cochranfiredmorning
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He said it was for dressing provocatively,
dressing
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but he obviously found out
foundobviously
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that she's been calling the union meetings.
callingmeetingsunion
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That's horrible.
horrible
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173703dd-cc81-4f5e-ad80-d84c38842514.gif
Somebody around here's been snitching to Cochran.
cochransomebody
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Craig, is there something you want to tell me?
craig
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No, no, not really.
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Why won't you look me in the eye?
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Why won't you look me in the eye?
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I can play this game as long as you can, Lois.
gamelois
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ba44c575-d111-42b3-bade-ea0ec9ac1448.gif
I'll be watching you, Craig.
craigwatching
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Nice cover.
cover
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Oh, my God!
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What is it?
↓
da72bfd7-af2c-48db-9ca2-95af037e0cb3.gif
The Schwabs sent out a mass e-mail to everyone at school.
mailmassschoolsent
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They Photoshopped our heads onto a dirty movie.
dirtyheadsmovie
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Gross!
gross
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That can't be a dirty movie.
dirtymovie
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There aren't any girls in it.
girls
↓
432c07ff-6079-4dc6-9896-43d101fdba29.gif
- Oh, my God! - I'm not homophobic.
homophobic
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87bc2353-da3e-4e68-a41a-2abc990f8e01.gif
If the three of us were gay lovers, I'd be fine with this.
loversthree
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ae8c7040-3f28-463c-8f2b-3aca2497b893.gif
But it's not true!
↓
7c5765a8-3e87-473f-b43e-664aed8dbc47.gif
This is so humiliating.
humiliating
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My abs are way more ripped than that guy's.
ripped
↓
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We've got to respond.
respond
↓
1c4b4461-95ad-4337-bb8a-1b6775f22334.gif
Well, I was saving this one
saving
↓
97b579ea-17c8-49fb-87a7-bfdadb4802c1.gif
to see what grade Mr. Watts was going to give me,
grade
↓
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but we can climb up on their roof
climbroof
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and drop a wasp nest down their chimney.
chimneydropnestwasp
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I have one ready.
ready
↓
b64151a8-d9c4-4ca0-9a88-d8a56f1eb14c.gif
I've been teasing them for months to keep them angry.
angrymonthsteasing
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Perfect.
perfect
↓
df329c30-79b4-4213-b806-cc1705fafbf1.gif
What does it take to keep you boys safe?
boyssafe
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0c154e06-9706-45cc-b3c6-48ae9a057a66.gif
Dad, you don't know what the Schwabs did.
↓
33348f90-96dc-47ff-9f8d-9f1f68386fba.gif
I don't care what they did!
care
↓
4f5899fd-d215-4dcd-b14c-460f7e4dcca8.gif
What's the matter with you boys?
boysmatter
↓
18179c95-1336-4128-8872-b74bf0d51df5.gif
Don't you realize you can get killed?!
killedrealize
↓
79a390ce-13ea-47f5-971b-d1a7690ee888.gif
- Dad, I'm not going to die. - What?
↓
1ba950fb-52c3-4857-93fc-be4f7b8e0e87.gif
I'm 17.
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And so you can't die?
↓
fe2084da-e104-43b9-a998-b2ca5203a3bc.gif
I just don't see it happening.
↓
5f94c32f-b829-46a5-ab72-cfbf8c55f9e6.gif
I got news for you, Reese.
newsreese
↓
73b8fdee-418d-4ff9-a447-c0f47c611e71.gif
17-year-olds die all the time.
olds
↓
4dea8195-55be-4b67-9072-885f4bbb597a.gif
Oh, come on, Dad.
↓
02fbff51-493e-4f22-adc1-45cfccd0f6fc.gif
That's just something they tell you so you'll stay off drugs.
drugs
↓
1753b2f5-49ef-4973-88ec-ee5f366335ef.gif
That's it! You're all grounded in your room
groundedroom
↓
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for the rest of the weekend!
restweekend
↓
16a57eb4-55af-4bde-be2e-b4e0c8bdab60.gif
You can't do that!
↓
0060e2ba-ac25-4db0-92a0-6dcbfeedbaef.gif
I know I'm gonna die, Dad.
↓
71597be8-6edd-4ccf-ba0d-43ec683a99d7.gif
Nobody is dying in this family
dyingfamilynobody
↓
2b7feebb-3bb8-4eb4-a274-3eb20b43194e.gif
until the start of business Monday morning!
businessmondaymorningstart
↓
4cb5ff51-6449-4373-9bf1-3e6ecad18842.gif
Okay, should there be an actual fire,
actualfire
↓
63aaa741-4a22-447d-bfbf-6609c3227ca0.gif
I think we'll be in pretty good shape.
shape
↓
ac61a28e-14ec-4200-8cb7-deca51195135.gif
Did you hear?
↓
da81fae7-1ea2-4f7b-925e-dea85a485017.gif
We did a little investigating.
investigating
↓
e797db81-6fe8-424a-81b3-2cdf1cc421bb.gif
We found out who Cochran's snitch is.
cochransfoundsnitch
↓
1fa06a16-32b2-4d57-8c70-7c08cb2e7e81.gif
Oh, no...
↓
ca3e6f05-cb62-4e6c-b2c8-7d029e6804d4.gif
It's Joe.
↓
b2de16fa-ff31-46e2-9829-10f7cdf8a976.gif
Joe? What about Craig?
craig
↓
450757aa-411a-444a-8669-9bb091ba9b60.gif
- What about Craig? - Um...
craig
↓
0716d3b6-abb8-415b-ade8-a030cbd1c74d.gif
Does Craig know that it's Joe?
craig
↓
c1c1d135-812f-4d31-8489-44afea286976.gif
Everybody knows.
everybodyeverybody-knowsknows
↓
326cd4c0-9936-4a6c-a263-8ba5e442a928.gif
Cochran just promoted Joe to manager.
cochranmanagerpromoted
↓
9af10e31-badc-48bd-bedc-4f53f9f8eaf8.gif
We're going to go congratulate him.
congratulate
↓
d78e4e8e-c663-407c-acc7-351f4c82a213.gif
Can you hand me some soap?
handsoap
↓
0b1b00a5-1b8a-4af8-9342-e6c83bb07723.gif
Sure.
↓
5e215468-65d6-4ada-9db6-d596259473e4.gif
Wow, I had it completely wrong.
completely
↓
9ec5d252-bcdd-40dc-be95-f7313a880335.gif
Did you get me the information
information
↓
df91f399-c436-41e0-bfcb-b7c99fde96ee.gif
I asked for, Feldspar?
askedfeldspar
↓
1f959d9d-01af-4fcd-bcf9-dc8fc93210c8.gif
Yes, sir. Lois almost caught me,
caughtlois
↓
0d424546-7714-4aa5-a545-91df227dbcc2.gif
but I can assure you our secret's safe.
assuresafesecrets
↓
28f1c692-ff5b-4ee1-955a-ec6496285e67.gif
Good, good. Excellent.
excellent
↓
997310ba-33d7-493d-8282-f46ba8df689a.gif
Now, you've got to tell me everything.
↓
606752f5-64f3-46fc-bfb2-5c5fd5130e7f.gif
Of course, sir.
course
↓
f22b7d08-d119-44b4-9195-fb8e22b2ae89.gif
I'll need a complete list of names this time.
completelistnames
↓
5b0be82d-4c37-4a48-9eac-b160e2fdb064.gif
They're all here; just please, sir, make sure this stays quiet.
quietstays
↓
258328ba-cec0-4664-a360-e5dc78f4dd82.gif
Don't worry about it.
worry
↓
32fbdf7b-6734-4599-a5c3-5e88f5eacc68.gif
Thank you, Mr. Cochran.
cochran
↓
259d8841-86f1-45b4-b67c-0e4c4f8289e5.gif
Looks and brains, you're the complete package, sir!
brainscompletepackage
↓
c0dc74b0-b4b0-4458-b106-7780323ef75e.gif
What the hell are you doing talking to Mr. Cochran, Craig?
cochrancraig
↓
a6735b37-2773-4d68-a000-1da1bfb2cd2b.gif
Okay, Lois. If you can tell me what you think you saw,
lois
↓
03a09216-310a-4511-8e6b-c98deaaef284.gif
that would really help me focus my answer.
answerfocus
↓
be390ab5-4a36-45f8-93a4-b91c0e04d89d.gif
You grabbed hair! You grabbed hair!
grabbedhair
↓
f809bd2a-076f-4328-bd6c-7d48c86b6fd8.gif
Craig, I heard
craigheard
↓
9c2ee42e-ba2d-4e80-b78a-5ce79f02bb03.gif
you talking about a list of names.
listnames
↓
777fd636-e3c9-4d8c-bca4-dfc7c89837ee.gif
Oh, that.
↓
6827daec-6b80-4195-bdc4-4839066317b6.gif
Um, we were just rating all the hotties in the store.
hottiesratingstore
↓
c2d308a4-4e73-455b-8398-d77e42a2c580.gif
Don't worry, you're holding your own in both posture and dimples.
holdingpostureworry
↓
69b0127f-1219-4d22-b56e-ba43a52530fb.gif
You expect me to fall for that?
expectfall
↓
41805a5b-6124-4ad6-ba5d-5eae040fd9d8.gif
I'd appreciate it.
appreciate
↓
35dc5b70-01d8-423b-8b75-cbb07ccb1715.gif
Craig, how could you?
craig
↓
aa4f0be6-7aca-45e9-8158-75bbbdc757fa.gif
Get away from me, you animals!
animals
↓
41a10e7d-1dc1-4223-a7ad-82a5359cd72d.gif
Oh, my God. Joe.
↓
eaf717c7-e76f-45e8-b5e7-9e0f8d09e9a4.gif
Stop!
↓
37a71bc0-1445-4421-966a-e82b09d418a4.gif
Stay out of this, Lois.
lois
↓
e94068a0-eff1-4020-bc33-bb0597ae6d8b.gif
This is retail justice.
justice
↓
2a54923d-b085-48de-aeab-103e73e894bd.gif
Pull it off.
pull
↓
d60e8637-f198-4509-b213-51bb7a8fd924.gif
But you're making a mistake.
mistake
↓
ef965453-9346-418b-9ec9-143bd1d9af19.gif
Joe isn't the snitch!
snitch
↓
2a02be1e-19eb-4789-acff-877db1ac3efb.gif
What?!
↓
cc7cef1c-d81c-48ea-a8c0-4a0b616e56ed.gif
The real snitch just confessed to me.
confessedrealsnitch
↓
0d1b5738-2ee9-48b0-8b3d-4c18b420655f.gif
- Who is it? - I'm not going to tell you.
↓
03511d25-11fe-415b-83f7-6d72d5046927.gif
I don't want you hurting him.
hurting
↓
050b66e4-db4f-427b-b2b9-7dd2e3239714.gif
He's a misguided, weak, pathetic individual who...
individualmisguidedpatheticweak
↓
834068b1-35e3-43af-ad0f-cc2694201faa.gif
It's Craig!
craig
↓
3e3fb287-bc24-4a3a-b28d-5f51b43414dc.gif
Wait!
↓
d2d28359-c854-421c-903a-cf0caafd26c6.gif
Dad, why are you doing this?
↓
620674bd-569d-4c44-9c28-07bd78375606.gif
We're gonna call child welfare,
childwelfare
↓
d0c6f32d-0601-4545-ae6c-4847d51148aa.gif
and this time they'll come!
↓
1437c09d-a177-4d75-b243-05bb8bc1a5c8.gif
Please don't do this, Dad! It's just not necessary.
necessary
↓
451f2632-dd24-494d-ab13-756a9deb26d5.gif
There. Now we can finally
finally
↓
bcdf3f07-bd37-48da-8fd0-d8c94a535298.gif
have a nice, safe weekend around here.
safeweekend
↓
a3c9ac23-3386-4589-81d9-f811c415a625.gif
Let's do it.
↓
4db4d8d9-c3e4-4be6-8a81-54b72cdfc746.gif
I told you this was worth spending Christmas vacation
christmasspendingvacationworth
↓
376f002c-9481-4d47-8290-bac00901ef91.gif
at Home Depot.
depothomehome-depot
↓
00015655-6440-470c-b3a5-67a855eb3f86.gif
Wait. Dad's gonna kill us when he realizes we're gone.
dadsgonekillrealizes
↓
b5c3e96c-5609-4d1f-aa2f-a2f8891995ec.gif
Maybe we can just pretend we're too secure
pretendsecure
↓
f1fcc011-f75c-43cf-831e-e740313eed75.gif
to care what the Schwabs think of us.
care
↓
bf1401a5-3503-4fbb-98d7-1e26b5903ee7.gif
Nobody's gonna buy that.
nobodys
↓
e7f3d41e-4484-4538-bf07-b6c0a68dec95.gif
We can't let this stand, Dewey.
deweystand
↓
e65051a1-aa94-4d8d-a5ba-40be8b34da25.gif
Remember the day everybody started
everybodyrememberstarted
↓
c1325d42-50cc-41af-bcc9-063ff8789309.gif
calling Booger Boy "Booger Boy"
boogercalling
↓
6928caf8-8e73-44e6-b5df-ac79c6bccde7.gif
and he didn't do anything about it?
↓
7f53d67b-6248-4d54-8b1d-10d4ff3d623d.gif
- What was his real name anyway? - Nobody remembers.
namenobodyrealreal-nameremembers
↓
c4469a3c-7d43-4814-949f-100927f8be1c.gif
I'm in.
↓
e07df3f8-4c35-450e-820c-d5dc2c725aa5.gif
Dad's under there!
dads
↓
100a426c-d1a8-4bf4-9dd1-d5b823222ca8.gif
Oh, my God, you're right!
↓
8866ca8b-d747-45c6-9cab-e3174544ff88.gif
- Let's go. - No, no, no.
↓
2df24f17-efc4-4d6a-9b8b-4aadbadbce7e.gif
You boys are in so much trouble.
boystrouble
↓
8b0266a4-7145-46da-b3ee-acaca2a26229.gif
I'm calling Mom.
calling
↓
20339c25-c6da-4cda-adf2-b0d4d52244ee.gif
Dad, are you okay?
↓
bbfe898d-2f36-4b95-866d-5740c0173768.gif
I can't feel anything below my left knee.
kneeleft
↓
0d3c8907-ab7f-40f9-af1e-2922f67870a5.gif
Is my foot okay?
foot
↓
5947f74f-45ec-49f8-8031-ec1128602813.gif
Your foot looks fine.
foot
↓
f3498029-c3aa-480e-a24f-fa78f6ecf355.gif
But I think the rest of you is facing the wrong way.
facingrest
↓
4e0f9e09-fc05-4149-b9b0-4c68f8a07b56.gif
I can't find him anywhere.
↓
940801e3-a2f6-4d00-b304-3a80a0335760.gif
Have you seen Craig?
craigseen
↓
9089a468-03e2-4f19-b510-26902a08e410.gif
Nope. So long, Lois.
loisnope
↓
0b2c6a90-aa2c-4719-be26-1b3dc3ddf25b.gif
I'm off to the head office,
headoffice
↓
8e1dcfc8-ccdc-4eb4-860c-e6e42db8f5cc.gif
a place where washing your hands after using the restroom
handsplacerestroomusingwashing
↓
fc2c9f51-3e92-480f-a43f-c41d584a985d.gif
is a matter of personal choice.
choicematterpersonal
↓
8e69d8e0-e5b2-44bf-af99-70f29e24116c.gif
Good-bye, Joe.
↓
72ad9ee7-7fa5-4f41-95dc-47a1640b125f.gif
By the way, what did Cochran give you to cover for me?
cochrancover
↓
195a5d39-346f-4cf2-9269-ac7407ec6817.gif
What?
↓
7db60c47-2c59-4672-9ab0-be6f15cd54d7.gif
You know, for throwing Craig under the truck.
craigthrowingtruck
↓
4eeaa297-1569-4c39-ae1c-88b89dc37fcc.gif
Taking the heat off me.
heat
↓
8eba2bf8-ecda-4bb2-a59c-f078cfeb510e.gif
You really are Cochran's snitch?
cochranssnitch
↓
12d68cbf-c469-4497-9c0b-e44d49168400.gif
No, I'm getting kicked upstairs
kickedupstairs
↓
c3726eee-57d4-46ad-a6a1-1118b5f632fb.gif
because of my skills and motivation.
motivationskills
↓
b5eb647b-c8cc-4a9c-825b-f1333390da8a.gif
But that's impossible.
impossible
↓
ecd52f2c-dcfe-421f-858f-100b4a65cb56.gif
I saw Craig handing Cochran a list of names.
cochrancraighandinglistnames
↓
e8e4e701-b85c-4bc3-afa2-606fcac60782.gif
What? Oh, those were probably names
names
↓
2395dfa4-a90b-46d2-a1ce-2357f980a231.gif
for that stupid surprise party he's throwing for you.
partystupidsurprisesurprise-partythrowing
↓
5f9ee179-28a6-4eea-a0af-eb1846e42af4.gif
What are you talking about?
↓
ad295b99-0d7a-43c7-afd4-58c6b93f0b03.gif
Craig wanted to make a big deal
craigdealwanted
↓
6ccb98f1-8f95-4eb2-a7c2-ff2fe54ee4d7.gif
out of your tenth anniversary of working here.
anniversarytenthworking
↓
ed76324c-1920-4866-b1d3-64114aeafeb9.gif
I told him it would just depress you, but you know Craig.
craig
↓
297482af-50f1-40f6-bf0d-c9859f99d607.gif
Cleanup in the storeroom.
↓
d0e3c330-21bd-4ef7-a436-86ef8ad40e26.gif
Oh, my God.
↓
76d4cdc0-07b9-44f9-a8c4-555ebdfa1eb6.gif
Craig!
craig
↓
f5b2b303-0453-43e3-9703-cc1c25c72add.gif
Oh, Craig...
craig
↓
6bb61af7-3e2a-4146-9065-010659138442.gif
I'm so sorry.
↓
bb627ff5-61aa-4c6b-af90-a71f61aafdf3.gif
Why didn't you tell me you were planning a party?
partyplanning
↓
58609660-5239-4315-94d2-75089127c15b.gif
You know?
↓
d1d7ff32-4ef2-48e6-a94c-5936201999c6.gif
Oh, Lord, this day just keeps getting worse.
keepslordworse
↓
6a4ea185-9fc6-4966-8692-9ee460f5cc62.gif
Oh, Craig, this is all my fault. I feel just awful about this.
awfulcraigfault
↓
d6a299a9-c8df-444f-8b54-dbf4fc999eff.gif
I'll do whatever it takes to make this up to you.
takes
↓
b0776f23-b827-42c9-820d-183e943fb254.gif
I'll even...
↓
c22bd387-c389-419e-9090-8f5fd5465e54.gif
Oh, hold on a second.
second
↓
fedeb831-cd0a-40f1-8ee2-9df351dbe92a.gif
Hello.
↓
cf763d67-bfd9-46dc-a5aa-819242df9675.gif
Mom, it's an emergency.
emergency
↓
f91fefe5-a1fc-4d16-9e13-bef0f00ceb65.gif
You've gotta come quick!
quick
↓
1dfbc8bf-2a8d-42df-9612-15060250be53.gif
Something horrible happened!
happenedhorrible
↓
542eb7f4-5e8b-485b-b0ba-3d4887bb23cf.gif
Hello? Dewey!
dewey
↓
8265eadf-ebdc-43f4-be29-4b80b39984a0.gif
Dewey!
dewey
↓
389799d2-859c-45aa-bfb1-835b8c7a9991.gif
Lois, if you could just get the ropes.
loisropes
↓
797aebb6-3d73-4c2e-8a41-a53a5014c991.gif
My hands are wet. I think my wrists are bleeding.
bleedinghands
↓
f70576e6-80e4-421b-a610-e6f6cf0b4a99.gif
I'll be right back.
↓
ed87b24e-d9ae-48e2-840b-40a00d4ad12c.gif
Party starts at 5:00.
partystarts
↓
2ccb8ad4-161d-4f43-a3f1-7518c4df807a.gif
See? Better than new.
↓
11332e74-c571-4f85-bdf6-0cd5d77f5d6a.gif
That's not going to work, Dad.
↓
4bbcdf8a-3f75-4c2c-b42f-4124267db8ae.gif
You really have to get to the hospital.
hospital
↓
31f32435-fe30-4b32-ba5b-649a224772f9.gif
I can't go to the hospital!
hospital
↓
bb522062-a369-4b16-9ad6-3b7ba94fbf67.gif
Nobody in this family can go to the hospital.
familyhospitalnobody
↓
347559f2-1d8a-4140-82b4-50a8386323a3.gif
We've got no insurance!
insurance
↓
9d2c99b9-95ee-45c3-a792-4db34a0b2562.gif
Why do you think I've been so concerned about your safety?!
concernedsafety
↓
5ff3c1cd-a74c-4b96-9ae9-cb1aa091acae.gif
Dad, it's not the end of the world.
world
↓
81db0e3d-7a74-441a-9566-b442672921e9.gif
Of course it is.
course
↓
9c9d5c70-303d-4ca7-acdd-90d115800cd6.gif
Your mother will never forgive me.
forgivemother
↓
e02d4791-9f4d-4736-95ad-6729787a047c.gif
This is worse than the time I left Dewey in Mexico.
deweyleftmexicoworse
↓
53937d23-9923-40b4-8a1f-d9232623a082.gif
This is unforgivable!
unforgivable
↓
f377e029-6e95-4d99-af8c-1f99cd3836fe.gif
I'm unforgivable.
unforgivable
↓
3d991f88-ed6a-48ef-b2bc-fa22dfe460fe.gif
Wow.
↓
8c5a9401-7f4a-460e-803d-f7f32e640ef0.gif
I didn't think Dad would get this pathetic
pathetic
↓
c0fd3c4d-b43f-4297-95f2-38343911ac23.gif
till we locked him in a nursing home.
homelockednursingnursing-hometill
↓
c3c88c2f-bab3-4489-8cdf-356fff6fb1d3.gif
This family deserves better than me.
deservesfamily
↓
42b18fe6-4906-4cd8-b7fa-030f45562d4e.gif
Your mother's home, boys.
boyshomemothers
↓
9a28b214-c1d1-4ed0-b0ab-478e15aee499.gif
Help me up.
↓
cbdb0aac-f8b7-4746-91ee-ce040c189f6e.gif
I raced home!
home
↓
0936db03-d457-4d5c-be61-ce24b784f432.gif
What is it?
↓
feb7912d-9c69-4091-abcc-8aa83997c382.gif
Honey, there's something you should know.
honey
↓
20c084b4-2fb1-4bc1-bbdb-1d212395a90c.gif
Nine minutes and 23 seconds. I win.
minutesnineseconds
↓
62759fc4-b9ce-47a4-8b9e-1b3a1d816909.gif
What are you talking about?
↓
cb6dad7a-7e8a-4fc7-8d0f-55962df14dd2.gif
We made a bet to see how quickly you could get here
quickly
↓
d90ae6ed-3c78-4192-92ea-f919abfb5461.gif
if you thought there was an emergency.
emergency
↓
42c378cc-9e75-4457-b5c0-c413707566c7.gif
You don't win. Reese said ten minutes.
minutesreese
↓
1bb96636-c682-4a65-b270-717eaf53480b.gif
But you're not allowed to go over.
allowed
↓
601dcb0d-9126-4784-8137-a1446fd67c30.gif
You can't decide that now. That's cheating!
cheatingdecide
↓
fa1c1d6b-6b6f-48bd-ade9-14c9298163d8.gif
You did what?!
↓
e314a1a6-58f3-4943-9a44-e112fbcf5470.gif
I don't blame you for being mad, Mom.
blame
↓
3352b277-8f28-4e2d-a488-44ca6685c728.gif
Reese underestimates you all the time.
reese
↓
3c08f5a6-eb08-4ccc-85c4-70de1311a06d.gif
This is just a game?!
game
↓
527d18d9-801c-42e1-aead-2dc94d747122.gif
You made me race across town
racetown
↓
e0b97f0b-e443-45d4-a852-14f64c43ca99.gif
thinking one of you was dying and it's just a game?!
dyinggamethinking
↓
eb6412bc-8c75-4e82-a102-ed79e96ee103.gif
We got bored. There's not much to do around here.
bored
↓
0400f410-2457-4546-b6f4-64d2f6ce7f55.gif
Yeah, maybe if you
↓
67293928-c39a-4121-baa8-1a90bc680ed5.gif
took us on a trip once in a while...
trip
↓
68d2f1d9-5408-4f3a-83cb-3b8e3c55fa12.gif
Hal, do you hear this?
↓
2987d3af-5281-424d-8e34-0ac52ea2006c.gif
Ooh! I'm on it, Lois.
lois
↓
6e82a505-24b1-44d8-826d-aac630e5a38f.gif
I can't believe that...
believe
↓
ab2a90d4-0751-48fc-a35b-9e196360ba05.gif
Hal, are you crying?
crying
↓
28fc2659-0812-4259-bf7d-3ba385ba044c.gif
With rage!
rage
↓
41a0cf51-53cb-4167-9d3c-493d96d3af75.gif
You know how mad I get
↓
f6c70263-be4a-4e56-9a81-3367c3a93424.gif
when these boys pull stunts like this.
boyspullstunts
↓
15918b33-840c-4a36-afcc-3c916d0126cc.gif
There's something fishy about this.
fishy
↓
39df00f0-3325-4522-b2b8-19fd90ae597e.gif
Fishy is a nice way to put it, Lois.
fishylois
↓
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They are gonna get the grounding of their life.
life
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They are gonna feel the full brunt of my wrath.
bruntfullwrath
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Oh, I've been wrong about so much lately
lately
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I don't even trust my own radar.
radartrust
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I got to get back to work.
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You start the punishment, Hal,
punishmentstart
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but leave some for me.
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Drive safely.
drivesafely
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It's gonna be okay, Dad.
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It's a very special moment
momentspecial
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when a father watches his boys lie to their mother for him.
boysfathermotherwatches
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There's only one thing that could make me prouder.
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If one of you could saw off my leg.
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Don't worry, Dad.
worry
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We'll get your knee taken care of.
carekneetakentaken-care
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I told you: we have no medical insurance.
insurancemedical
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There's no way.
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Dad, this is what we do.
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Happy anniversary, Lois.
anniversaryhappyhappy-anniversarylois
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I chewed through my ropes
chewedropes
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so I could have this set up for you before you got back.
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Oh, Craig.
craig
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I invited the entire staff, but I guess they didn't show up,
entireinvitedstaff
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on account of seeing me as human garbage.
accountgarbagehumanseeing
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I wish you'd be mad at me.
wish
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Yell at me, tell me I'm a horrible person. Please!
horriblehorrible-personpersonyell
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Don't apologize, Lois.
apologizelois
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If you want to make me happy,
happy
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just sit down and enjoy your party.
enjoyparty
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Hello, everybody.
everybody
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Here's one I'm sure you'll all remember.
remember
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♪ Here she comes now, our Lois, Lois ♪
comesloislois-lois
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♪ Struttin' down the aisle like she doesn't know us ♪
aisle
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♪ Hey, she wears a smock and she looks all right, yeah ♪
wears
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♪ You gotta scan and stock and mark the cat chow ♪
chowmarkscanstock
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♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
meowmeow-meowmeow-meow-meow
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♪ Yeah ♪
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♪ Yeah ♪
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- ♪ Yeah ♪ - Yeah.
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- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ - Yeah. Yeah.
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♪ Yeah, 'cause she's been here ten... ♪
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♪ Years ♪
years
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♪ Through the laughs, through the tears ♪
laughstears
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♪ Punchin' in ♪
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♪ Punchin' out ♪
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♪ 'Cept that time she had gout ♪
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♪ I say yeah ♪
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Yeah.
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♪ Yeah ♪
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- Yeah. - ♪ Yeah ♪
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- Yeah. Yeah. - ♪ Yeah... yeah ♪
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- Yeah. - ♪ Yeah... ♪
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God!
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Yeah, the knee's dislocated.
knees
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So what are you? Some kind of prodigy genius doctor?
doctorgeniusprodigy
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No, my dad's a really bad doctor.
dadsdoctor
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Lets me use his stuff.
stuff
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You know, boys, I'm not sure we need Richard.
boysrichard
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He does great work, Dad.
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He set my nose three times.
nosethreethree-timestimes
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He gave me a tracheotomy with a Krazy Straw.
strawtracheotomy
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S-So, What kind of anesthetic do you use?
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Well, in a case like this,
case
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you're gonna need about eight c.c.'s of...
eight
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- Grab him! - No, no!
grab
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Noooo!
noooo
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Hey, look at that.