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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S05E20 — Victor's Other Family

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 5, Episode 20 — Victor's Other Family

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Victor's Other Family
Air date: May 09, 2004
Director: David Grossman
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
When Lois tracks down her father's "other family," she meets Victor's "other wife" Sylvia, and learns something shocking about her dad.
Source: TMDB
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Guys, look, I like you both.
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You work hard, but you gotta realize how other people see this relationship.
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Dude ranches have a lot of conservative customers,
conservativecustomers
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so though I personally don't have a problem with you two as a couple,
couplepersonallyproblem
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this has to stop.
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Thunder, get back in your own stall.
stallthunder
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♪ Life is unfair ♪
lifeunfair
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and it was in the trash.
trash
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- No, you weren't. - Well, I saw every second of the video.
secondvideo
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Son, I am going to be at that race.
race
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Okay, if you say so. I'll check.
check
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Mom, do you want to talk to dead Grandpa's secret other family?
deadfamilygrandpassecret
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- What did you say? - This lady says she's your sister
ladysister
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and wants to talk to you. Make it fast.
fastwants
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I have a radio station in Hawaii on hold.
hawaiiradiostation
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- Hello? - Hello, Lois.
lois
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This is Roberta from Manitoba.
roberta
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Your sister?
sister
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Halfway.
halfway
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- What's up? - Your mom's lawsuit is over.
lawsuitmoms
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Sorry, she gave your number to prisoners.
numberprisoners
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it just felt weird to have family that I didn't ever talk to.
familyweird
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So now I am.
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Talking.
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Not very well, apparently.
apparently
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God, where is my diet root beer?
beerdietrootroot-beer
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You drink diet root beer?
beerdietdrinkrootroot-beer
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I drink diet root beer too.
beerdietdrinkrootroot-beer
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We both have five letters in our middle name.
fivelettersmiddlename
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- Right, sport? - Wouldn't it be pretty to think so.
sport
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Oh, that judge had guts after what I mailed him.
gutsjudgemailed
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and defeated each of my brothers in combat.
brotherscombatdefeated
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- I really don't want to hear this again. - My life is horrible.
horriblelife
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I can't think of anything but death.
death
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I thought I'd come down tomorrow for a visit.
tomorrowvisit
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What? You want to come see us tomorrow?
tomorrow
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Birthday party for Jamie.
birthdaybirthday-partyjamieparty
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And there are going to be kids here, and balloons and songs...
balloonskidssongs
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I just remembered.
remembered
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Tomorrow I'm getting waxed.
tomorrowwaxed
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Thank you.
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I can't ring the doorbell. It's too weird.
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You can do it.
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Canadian doorbells work just like ours.
canadian
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No, Reese, I mean it's strange. These people have the same DNA as us.
reesestrange
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It's kind of spooky.
spooky
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Don't be so freaked out, Mom. There's nothing spooky about this.
freakedspooky
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You must be Lois. And I bet that you're Reese
loismustreese
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and Malcolm and Jamie.
jamiemalcolm
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Oh, I'm so glad you're all here. Come in, come in.
glad
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So is Dad's oth-- Um...
dads
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I mean, is Victor--?
victor
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Is your mother here?
mother
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Oh, yes. But she's really...
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They shouldn't have come!
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Until I've had time to finish the cookies. And my hair is just a mess.
cookiesfinishhairmess
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You look just like your father.
father
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Well, we're all thinking it.
thinking
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I don't care how uncomfortable this is.
careuncomfortable
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Give me a hug.
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Wow, Grandpa really went for old women.
grandpawomen
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Genes are weird.
genesweird
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Reese and I are brothers, and we're barely in the same species.
barelybrothersreesespecies
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But Jerome is my half-cousin,
cousinhalfjerome
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and we look the same, we stand the same,
stand
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we're talking like we're best friends.
bestbest-friendsfriends
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Malcolm, you're describing an ontology of modality
describingmalcolm
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that's completely consistent.
completelyconsistent
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As consistent as logicism.
consistent
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And he's funny.
funny
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Malcolm, I'm gonna take your brother goose hunting.
brothergoosehuntingmalcolm
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You're taking Reese hunting?
huntingreese
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He says he's never held a gun before,
held
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but, boy, he seems like a natural with it.
naturalseems
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God, I hope the zombies attack today.
attackhopetodayzombies
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So how's your school?
school
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Okay, I guess. They've got me in this accelerated program.
acceleratedprogram
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Me too.
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It kind of sucks.
sucks
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Yeah. It's great being so popular,
popular
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but every group of friends you're in expects you to go to all their parties,
expectsfriendsgroupparties
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which is, like, physically impossible.
impossiblephysically
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- Yeah. Impossible. - Not to mention juggling homework,
homeworkimpossiblemention
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hockey practice, being president of the student body,
bodyhockeypracticepresidentstudent
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and still try to find time for your girlfriend. I have to call her.
girlfriend
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I'm clinging to a slight hope that she's imaginary.
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Hey, it's me.
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You did get the flowers. I'm glad you liked them.
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If we were born so much alike,
alikeborn
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why is he so much happier than me?
happier
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Were you talking to that cute girlfriend of yours?
cutegirlfriend
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You know what? That's none of my business.
business
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Oh.
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Sylvia, Roberta, your house is so lovely.
houselovelyroberta
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It's just beautiful, and everything is so fancy.
fancy
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Well, thank you.
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I can't take much credit for it, though.
credit
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You know Victor.
victor
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He loved to spoil us.
lovedspoil
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Oh, look, the lake house.
houselake
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I think that's the summer we nursed a heron back to health.
healthheronsummer
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Oh, it's beautiful.
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Here's one of the tool shed.
shedtool
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One time we killed a wasp nest inside it.
killednestwasp
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Look at this one.
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You girls are dressed like hoboes.
dressedgirlshoboes
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Oh, was that a fun costume party?
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Yeah.
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Really fun.
fun
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And long.
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Here's another one of Dad doing his pretend angry face.
angryanotherfacepretend
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And you doing a pretend sad face.
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I don't think you guys are serious in one of these photos.
photosserious
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That's us, just a couple of kidders.
couple
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I can't get over how happy and friendly Dad looks
friendlyhappy
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in picture after picture after picture.
picture
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Well, you know, Victor wasn't perfect.
perfectvictor
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Sometimes he'd come home a little grumpy.
grumpyhomesometimes
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But I'd sit him down, we'd talk it out,
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and before you knew it,
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he'd be laughing and joking
jokinglaughing
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and giving the girls hugs and kisses.
girlsgivinghugskisses
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You know, I think I need a little fresh air.
fresh
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Boy, this is weird.
weird
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I keep thinking about why...
thinking
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things turn out the way they do.
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It's amazing how different your life could be if you just changed one person.
amazingchangedlifeperson
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Tell me about it.
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- You know what else is strange? - What?
strange
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Have you heard a bird or a cricket or anything in the last two minutes?
birdcricketheardminutes
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No. Everything's gone as quiet as a graveyard.
everythingsgonegraveyardquiet
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Judas!
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Mother, what are you doing here?
mother
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"Oh, Mommy, I'd love you to come to my baby's party."
babyslovemommyparty
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Do you think I was born yesterday?
bornyesterday
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I could spot lies coming out of your mouth
comingliesmouthspot
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- since before it had teeth in it! - Lock the door.
doorlockteeth
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- Aah! - Oh, my God, Mother, she's inside!
mother
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Lock yourself in the den.
lock
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I'll call the police.
police
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So, Lois,
lois
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are you enjoying your collaboration?
enjoying
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Looks like you sold your soul cheap enough.
cheapsoldsoul
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Coconut cake
cakecoconut
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from the woman who stole your father's fluids
fathersfluidsstolewoman
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- and made bastards with them. - What the hell are you doing?
bastards
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Get out of here. The police are coming.
comingpolice
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Why? I don't even get to look at what was stolen from me?
stolen
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Where do you think she got this money?
money
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This couch was my trip to Paris!
couchparistrip
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Look at this place. While we lived like dogs,
dogslivedplace
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they were playing on grand pianos and eating with napkins.
eatinggrandnapkinsplaying
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Why do you think you girls were so short and ugly?
girlsshortugly
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Victor fed you on beans
beansvictor
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so he could give his other daughter ballet lessons.
balletdaughterlessons
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Ida, I think you should know that besides the restraining order,
besidesorderrestrainingrestraining-order
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I have a knitting needle.
knittingneedle
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All right, it's a crochet hook.
hook
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Listen to me, tough guy.
tough
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I know about Victor's other pension.
pensionvictors
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Victor worked for Paragon Brush from 1960 to 1964.
brushvictorworked
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Manitoba family law says, as common-law wife,
commonfamilywife
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I am entitled to that pension.
entitledpension
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I don't know what you're talking about.
↓
e0aca594-e1c1-4020-839b-227b82eda5b5.gif
The truth will burst out of the grave
burstgravetruth
↓
bac7ca5f-d725-42bf-84ff-fb420bd92a59.gif
and strangle you and your whole family!
familystranglewholewhole-family
↓
e287b3d2-626d-4fc4-ad97-c59107a57ac1.gif
We will discuss this later.
discuss
↓
71aeb6eb-1dab-4e4f-a4d7-cbbcc8afea93.gif
If you do not turn and leave, so help me,
↓
9d1ca071-057c-4e9c-9acd-81e94ad3ec52.gif
I will tear that wig off of your head,
headtear
↓
e19879ad-8d9c-4fd7-98fd-8d21b0535915.gif
and everyone will see your tick scars!
scarstick
↓
fced054c-3a71-46f2-ac70-bea218bfb48e.gif
It's not over.
↓
145907df-9b58-4c90-8bec-8cc5ba31348e.gif
Canada is the greatest nation on the face of the earth.
canadaearthfacegreatestnation
↓
e0e6581d-f4e4-4460-9a60-08ccb2dd068a.gif
Hey, Grandma.
grandma
↓
9ab2a4bc-5b03-44df-96c7-579d2b8ceb79.gif
I can't believe I've never been hunting before.
believehunting
↓
3d7d5d15-b31b-42ae-bfa6-95a925a1de21.gif
Nature is so complex and beautiful and bad at hiding.
complexhidingnature
↓
4361613f-cd67-4d88-9756-ebd658d66bdb.gif
Never again.
↓
cecb474b-d9bb-4678-8301-e78d1ce23257.gif
He was-- It was...
↓
2d82cd73-bf64-4c78-9aed-64314463464e.gif
The horrible laughter.
horriblelaughter
↓
92de4c3b-57e0-4da2-a447-08774fd29cec.gif
Thanks, man. I'm not going to need this anymore.
anymorethanks
↓
88c40666-67fd-4833-8173-859f8f85c949.gif
Next time I want to make a little eye contact.
contact
↓
3f5c9419-b734-475c-8631-ba2bd3158fd6.gif
All right, the race is in two days.
daysrace
↓
04af25df-5917-43b0-95cb-55ef7c6604f7.gif
Let's get out there and practice. Where do we keep the sports bottles?
bottlespracticesports
↓
1b49cc5d-67c7-4f59-b1aa-51eac415d9b3.gif
Do we need props for this charade?
charadeprops
↓
45a57009-24fa-467b-bce6-a1da31f3a420.gif
Hey, when did your mom get a fire extinguisher?
extinguisherfirefire-extinguisher
↓
c124ee55-ff43-4c92-8102-15e22bca2499.gif
- Dad, you probably don't want to-- - Why would she hide this from me?
hide
↓
ecb73c6f-9bbe-4b93-9dff-0d78243f9114.gif
Ooh!
↓
ab1fc182-0733-4faf-8bbd-db3de40dc928.gif
Yeah, Mom.
↓
2903fe8b-7af5-4f43-92ee-64132e686e03.gif
He found it.
found
↓
56195183-e1db-49a4-8f53-3c0d319cdccf.gif
The doctor says two weeks. Bye.
doctorweeks
↓
7c394495-e0b6-4a90-84af-096927e00554.gif
I admit, you almost had me fooled.
admitfooled
↓
07cef104-5a19-4db6-b1b3-14ae32ad8dfd.gif
I thought you would come through this time.
↓
6f6d595e-3557-4dc9-bfbe-bf9cb3f1ecd5.gif
Dewey, it was an accident. Believe me, if I wanted to blind myself,
accidentbelieveblinddeweywanted
↓
d2c7f6fd-e891-4683-b961-3242baabfcdc.gif
there are 100 easier ways I could've done it.
couldveeasierways
↓
c92ad8f8-896f-4c9a-9390-14246ee70573.gif
Knowing that I let you down hurts much more than burnt corneas.
burnthurtsknowing
↓
c11e1491-a4b5-4c33-8427-80427a37d4a9.gif
And they hurt a lot.
hurt
↓
af5ac18a-376d-49d4-a154-2e9b701da96c.gif
I hate breaking a promise to you, Dewey, I really do. That's the truth.
breakingdeweyhatepromisetruth
↓
d7ce179a-d69b-484a-9d91-28bf252e356d.gif
I remember once when my dad told me he was going to take me to an air show.
remember
↓
cb9d0972-043c-4fa7-a175-f3e62750a55c.gif
Jerome's amazing. He was born with the same brain as me,
amazingbornbrain
↓
388a18fd-a6d4-4c96-baf6-eda167011c33.gif
but he used it to become friends with the kind of popular,
becomefriendspopularused
↓
99e3d78f-da04-469a-abff-c37699cdb1ab.gif
well-adjusted people who hate me.
adjustedhate
↓
f160f2af-6d9b-489a-bd95-524df8b06f21.gif
You're right. Nobody cares about student council.
carescouncilnobodynobody-caresstudent
↓
9aa60e30-c3ab-4a37-8739-1410425d7b92.gif
I say what's bad about getting together, planting a few trees
plantingtrees
↓
91293955-4711-4916-92a3-5bf435972f92.gif
and making the school a little more pleasant for everyone?
pleasantschool
↓
3025d08c-2966-42b7-b5dc-d33180fa7e24.gif
Wow. Jerome took something seriously and didn't get laughed at.
jeromelaughed
↓
8a7c88a9-dd95-4cfd-b135-cf076916de80.gif
Like the triple Lutz of high school socializing.
lutzschooltriple
↓
5c1e3466-86bc-467f-a693-e73dc6ce8703.gif
I'm glad it's him, not me.
glad
↓
05afad16-f82e-438b-b8b6-678786fcd608.gif
Why couldn't that be me?
↓
35a99cf4-5561-4d2c-a080-c66d8c2f1d3a.gif
Hey, don't forget about tomorrow night, karaoke party.
forgetkaraokenightpartytomorrowtomorrow-night
↓
0452d6bb-1702-4288-a812-287551c4794e.gif
- You do karaoke? - Yeah, you should come.
karaoke
↓
93273d6c-05a4-4f2b-bf80-c6b4d82f08e5.gif
Karaoke's not my thing. I mean, you can probably sing.
sing
↓
dd218a3c-0ae2-4f6f-95f3-26ac97bf26bf.gif
No, I can't.
↓
15b7a6b1-ecd6-434a-9912-c595cc8e42e3.gif
I'm terrible.
↓
377d2099-26a6-45ac-a047-e0eb9e60422d.gif
Then why do you do it? Aren't you afraid you'll look like a total idiot?
afraididiottotaltotal-idiot
↓
57d0fac3-858e-408b-8f4d-fe521ae95deb.gif
Hey, if you're afraid of looking stupid, you'll never have any fun.
afraidfunlookingstupid
↓
623ba1d8-9947-42f5-b4f5-393224d7b288.gif
He's forgetting about fun at someone else's expense.
elsesexpenseforgettingfun
↓
e0b3c9c6-2d76-438a-8e6e-06f5691deced.gif
God, he's so much better than me.
↓
65641644-558e-420a-8003-4e5814dc7337.gif
We froze Victor's pension because of the dispute with the other family.
familyfrozepensionvictors
↓
898aeb78-ac56-4ed3-aaf5-bd506ed765d1.gif
But you're right,
↓
71054b08-9fc8-495c-9bae-0a76235031ac.gif
Manitoba law states that a common-law wife is entitled to her husband's pension.
commonentitledhusbandspensionstateswife
↓
07bd5f59-f421-4f8a-a8f6-5440cba13f79.gif
And even if the other family isn't willing to sign a release,
familyreleasesignwilling
↓
fcd3054f-2848-4232-a934-8d4afca27392.gif
you would probably prevail in court.
courtprevail
↓
ab54c847-d364-4027-9bb5-e49ded95054e.gif
Of course, you'd have to prove you're a common-law wife
commoncourseprovewife
↓
9a1b612d-10ae-47f2-a456-3b1d783cfdac.gif
with DNA tests of children, lease in both your names,
childrenleasenamestests
↓
9aa5a728-5cc2-4cc5-ad5a-fd5ebb9cb5ac.gif
phone bills, that sort of thing.
billsphone
↓
3884a41f-b1c3-45aa-8f0e-f36e8f71a52d.gif
But I think you'd win.
↓
0ecdf654-85de-436b-9c9b-f4756461821d.gif
Finally, a Canadian who isn't an idiot.
canadianfinallyidiot
↓
cec689ba-81f5-4fe6-8630-08da4971f560.gif
The problem is,
problem
↓
9d43a0ca-5d85-4762-87ec-36af7db33e3c.gif
the pension's only 43.50 a month.
month
↓
cebd122f-3616-4d81-af31-99381332eab8.gif
Canadian.
canadian
↓
90f762eb-ae39-40c0-8058-fb427792f3a1.gif
And what with hiring a lawyer, court costs, other expenses,
costscourtexpenseshiringlawyer
↓
fa728764-c28d-45fc-9553-ac41195d0b8d.gif
it would all cost so much,
cost
↓
ac2c9c43-6e5b-44c8-b7c4-f37d3e740020.gif
I don't see you breaking even for...
breaking
↓
4eba70ed-e69d-48ba-8065-78cef30690e1.gif
20 or 30 years.
years
↓
a78a8d25-67de-436e-96f6-838d568294ba.gif
- Do you think you'll live that long? - God, no.
live
↓
8eea2cd1-190a-4344-a0ab-29048953e3cd.gif
I mean...
↓
a47b0fe1-07c1-46da-b37d-0f8311762bb8.gif
no.
↓
4eb4f33f-1eec-4f3d-9e79-01d8c76a5344.gif
I'm really sorry.
↓
3b562fc9-1f9a-43ed-a51d-c99a49ef5bc7.gif
Look, just so today isn't a total loss,
losstodaytotaltotal-loss
↓
23996926-87d1-4408-9c3e-3750a3fcd866.gif
I'm going to fix you up with a coupon for 10 percent off
couponpercent
↓
87c2927a-0c19-416a-984a-5c0b8f591d52.gif
our Elite Wonder Bristle.
elitewonder
↓
50a0ff04-5c3f-4c40-8ef8-51c7a23e7c29.gif
It's the brush I use.
brush
↓
9ed58f38-bded-4528-b522-80e48d38e0f5.gif
Okay, Mom, you tried. Let's go.
tried
↓
4e53ee45-7ab7-4b3c-b3df-bab348435ee0.gif
No. We're going to do this.
↓
26f9abb4-2873-4dfe-bd58-805609e09436.gif
What? Were you listening?
listening
↓
04a33646-85e1-4ac1-b750-0de8387e26d4.gif
He said you're going to lose money.
losemoney
↓
2526e47f-a93f-4d0c-b54d-559a99ce983c.gif
I don't care.
care
↓
a899d825-ab50-4673-b9da-b6e69f38c2c2.gif
We're gonna get a lawyer.
lawyer
↓
a1568cae-f881-413f-b964-cccf508286be.gif
Do you really hate these people so much that you're willing to ruin yourself
hateruinwilling
↓
6cb73f88-a226-4516-97b6-f13c430abd13.gif
just to get even with them?
↓
bcee0ac9-b704-485c-ba28-de4c0bbb7e82.gif
It's stupid.
stupid
↓
64e4a24e-273b-42df-9afc-4aad4e9640dd.gif
He was my husband.
husband
↓
6dbc59e2-c010-4cf6-aa83-f6b76c159f22.gif
Okay, here's your coupon.
coupon
↓
b852f02e-82ba-40fd-9fae-618ae76ded50.gif
If there's anything else you need, give us a call.
↓
da1e281d-a8dc-41d9-b7d9-6998fd6aeb40.gif
Just think of us as Victor's second family.
familysecondvictors
↓
1e579aa3-58d5-475f-9993-4b9b85135727.gif
Well, third.
third
↓
b6b606fb-774c-432c-afa9-156226dad101.gif
Hello, Lois, dear.
dearlois
↓
100e2b4e-69ad-4d1b-afc1-26f86d1bc8c8.gif
- My mom's not here. - Come.
moms
↓
91529492-5357-458b-8be3-2f3094c5d5a9.gif
Look, Sylvia,
↓
05ee7966-0d7c-4d1d-ae48-ca9965ca1a41.gif
it turns out there is a pension, a tiny one.
pensiontinyturns
↓
2ffa90b4-cbdb-4814-a9e1-9357ab34621f.gif
Forty dollars a month.
dollarsfortymonth
↓
275702d2-484b-46c3-8d9a-ed6120bc3062.gif
- Is that all? - Yeah.
↓
d6935abf-9cf2-4c82-a300-500bcc22ba7b.gif
And my mom's all worked up about it, and she's willing to waste all her money
momsmoneywastewillingworked
↓
85bbac2d-b912-44fd-b9e4-20b46dd9a89f.gif
- on a court fight to get it. - Oh, dear.
courtdearfight
↓
b249f973-ab72-4ed1-b288-1c1094904ea7.gif
So I was wondering if you'd be nice enough
wondering
↓
b593e88f-7cb6-4401-9ebd-2ac108a2e179.gif
to just sign a release so she could have it.
releasesign
↓
230d8221-70d1-4495-89e2-49df4cc38391.gif
Oh, I don't see that ever happening.
↓
3b6bf6db-9b55-454f-9aa4-8e5659664d18.gif
- Goodbye, dear. - But you people got everything.
deargoodbye
↓
1f17eddb-4060-4afe-818f-be6c798c21a3.gif
For my mom, this is all she's got. I--
↓
4ec509f5-4db0-4973-8159-fcd9d851a324.gif
She's just looking for some way to feel connected to her husband.
connectedhusbandlooking
↓
9e620dd8-7ba7-4b59-b3cd-a4bb9e313e39.gif
You meanmy husband.
husband
↓
3acf818a-f0a0-4283-9fec-1e86e526dc48.gif
This conversation is not over!
conversation
↓
015b1b4f-41a0-4f86-9b24-be17c1a7362f.gif
♪ ...tiny wings and fly... ♪
tinywings
↓
5bcd7cca-158f-4673-bcb9-66e38e2bb8fe.gif
Let's have a conversation!
conversation
↓
3de86474-00b4-4840-bfef-d5658ae03e2f.gif
♪ And take the snow... ♪
snow
↓
11df5644-a25e-468a-8bbe-38b44903f67a.gif
Oh, you think that's gonna stop me? You don't know who you're dealing with.
dealing
↓
c2026ef9-db47-4224-b228-6e5730e2f6f5.gif
Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. Try and hide!
hide
↓
aeff66a2-5953-4ad2-b36b-23e0ef2880c0.gif
You can't hide from me!
hide
↓
09fa7311-bbed-4db4-923f-32c0272b8bc2.gif
Aha.
↓
ae356ca0-7d6e-4006-b300-7658e23837a3.gif
A canceled check for Dad's cyst removal with your signature on it.
canceledcheckdadsremovalsignature
↓
29e76117-06af-4c4b-9626-5ded56c1cc10.gif
Beautiful.
↓
e2e4b37b-c0c7-49f3-88a4-a015e75eedd7.gif
Let them try and say that's not a marriage.
marriage
↓
7781a718-0538-4257-ad1a-3d086832fc3a.gif
And look.
↓
77068977-dacb-41c8-9e9f-28f67a44361b.gif
The pig Victor got for my dowry.
victor
↓
810bba4d-eb81-4eb8-8dfa-248837b99d79.gif
It might take a year or two,
might
↓
b3847d68-79d7-40c6-a2d8-9b3c293a9f6c.gif
but we are gonna get that 40 bucks out of their eye sockets!
buckssockets
↓
35bfb0ee-aafe-4871-8f14-f2ced44228b2.gif
You know, Mom, if this thing does go to trial,
trial
↓
09028836-f8b6-4a68-928b-b5b0ea0c5125.gif
it might help us if you worked on your demeanor.
mightworked
↓
70b90137-3810-44a9-9617-cdb940df2312.gif
When you deal with other people, you could be pleasant
dealpleasant
↓
7d6e6649-df3e-460b-be55-53e393d4ee47.gif
and say, "How are you?"
↓
0cc1f39e-5dc9-42b5-8abb-22cd3fab2fef.gif
And that way people will think that you care about their feelings,
carefeelings
↓
80b571a8-2ef1-4281-85c9-5b1942fc963f.gif
and then they might care about yours.
caremight
↓
425292ff-f9f2-4c61-8935-21ce9519ee2c.gif
- What the hell are you talking about? - I'm just trying to help you.
↓
4e055b07-fb5f-4e4e-8650-b24212a3a711.gif
I know you are, Vuschka.
↓
1d0fac6b-1fa9-42df-89c6-ea8eab9f6655.gif
I'm sorry. It's just a lot for me to remember.
remember
↓
4aed91c0-b4c8-4446-8fdd-6bd2b790157a.gif
You can show me more tricks tomorrow.
tomorrowtricks
↓
194ed05b-e739-4c63-b593-ad2548c8f854.gif
It's kind of funny, huh, Mom?
funny
↓
374186c6-5084-4111-8d02-07d8e9a7cc67.gif
After all these years, you and I are actually helping each other.
helpingyears
↓
81e553e1-5d80-490f-9a58-85fbfc90dece.gif
Well, you live as long as I have,
live
↓
0607bf5e-588e-4e12-bb2a-5b43efb199c3.gif
you get used to anything.
used
↓
5df8f353-7e4b-453f-83b1-4d137576a287.gif
What's that?
↓
bd414d95-f245-4b09-990d-0200f4be5043.gif
It's the results of the blood test that lawyer wanted me to take.
bloodblood-testlawyerresultstestwanted
↓
7c1db7b0-a015-41c7-a268-4ea6e44870a1.gif
This says paternity is genetically impossible.
geneticallyimpossible
↓
0f06ab16-ebd1-43a7-a850-8367853638e8.gif
This says that Dad is not my father.
father
↓
4686c0a6-4ce7-45c9-b555-ea3648e1ef91.gif
I was 80 percent sure you were his.
percent
↓
4b797a7c-28db-4d8a-bf6f-1ebe1ef0deb6.gif
What?
↓
a624dc4e-3ac1-4b22-b71c-e869b8c9868d.gif
The very second Victor walked in the house,
housesecondvictorwalked
↓
9e86ecdc-f578-44e5-b233-0d3a56cffe45.gif
I dragged him to the bedroom.
bedroomdragged
↓
9a563ed8-2f20-49c2-8587-8a952596f263.gif
I guess his soldiers got outflanked.
soldiers
↓
b4ddd8fd-f501-4b65-8856-3c4f07bf9a47.gif
What? Mother, how could you do something like that?
mother
↓
d49d3a6e-f808-4463-af27-1face054ad7b.gif
I was lonely!
lonely
↓
2198625c-1781-4f89-a3cb-f90a7a17a573.gif
Your father had a lot of business trips.
businessfathertrips
↓
0ff3308d-52c9-4ee8-83c1-4a5739b6723a.gif
Now we know what his business was.
business
↓
57d736f1-2cd0-437b-a4b6-26b2d5708927.gif
Then who is my father?
father
↓
2bee3b88-4817-42c0-9692-77860d1840ac.gif
Oh, what do you want to get into that for?
↓
03d03ed3-1e21-46c8-806c-a2f6e043eef7.gif
Radu Gogorsky.
↓
ff8962ff-9e32-4454-8249-10fa603af02c.gif
The only interesting thing about him
interesting
↓
f89a34a0-1baf-47d9-b007-de6b60a0bfc0.gif
was he could walk up a flight of stairs on his hands.
flighthandsstairswalk
↓
9a8aee86-342c-4345-a6c4-6bc78fb5966d.gif
What about Susan?
susan
↓
871fdf31-7943-47dd-a244-85941e19a039.gif
Is she Dad's daughter?
dadsdaughter
↓
12c516e8-a951-4195-8f06-d9d85c1f3e0d.gif
Anything's possible.
anythingspossible
↓
e02e780e-04af-48dd-9808-2a91b4e7d100.gif
How could you lie like this?
↓
2af6aa30-9d01-45fb-b498-220191c2864a.gif
Sweetie, don't be upset.
sweetieupset
↓
c1743509-46e8-4c67-8773-63c49018b60e.gif
We can change this "A" to a "B".
change
↓
bdf9caf0-f928-439e-ade6-03ee002f09d0.gif
The judge will completely buy it.
completelyjudge
↓
9a458a9c-d58e-4dde-8ec4-301bccb16e1b.gif
Mother--
mother
↓
ab80c05e-49e7-4031-872d-a6ab648f2349.gif
I'm taking Jamie. I'm getting out of here.
jamie
↓
223b89d0-6e12-409b-89e2-57260fdae079.gif
- Dad, I don't want to. It's demeaning. - What's demeaning about it?
demeaning
↓
a29c54be-4247-4444-90e1-82050b682a9c.gif
- Dad, your right shoe's untied. - See, Dewey? Teamwork.
deweyshoesteamwork
↓
1c9e9d3d-248c-4ba7-a55d-2fdff9225f1f.gif
Runners, take your marks. Set.
marksrunners
↓
05d071ea-aa11-4cf4-b149-ee05feb4e1e2.gif
♪ I was lost ♪
lost
↓
74ec70fd-aacf-480b-9720-d2c77693229d.gif
♪ I thought the losing dice were tossed ♪
dicelosingtossed
↓
7106fdb0-78ce-44b0-96b5-4299ece9662f.gif
♪ 'Cause now I'm going in the right ♪
↓
834fbe34-160f-4d5d-bddd-88c2676cec10.gif
♪ Direction ♪
direction
↓
ba63652a-50bd-4019-ab69-25737e4a78ab.gif
♪ She's a brick ♪
brick
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♪ House... ♪
house
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- You're next. - Jerome, thank you.
jerome
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I thought I was genetically doomed to be unhappy.
doomedgeneticallyunhappy
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But you're my blood, and you can be happy, so that means I can too.
bloodhappy
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- Hi. - Hello, Lois.
lois
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Can I pick him up?
pick
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I talked to Mom about it.
talked
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She's being stubborn and unreasonable.
stubbornunreasonable
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Aren't you a cutie pie?
cutie
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You are.
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I don't want us to have another argument.
anotherargument
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Oh, we don't have to. I have some news.
news
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We did a blood test.
bloodblood-testtest
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I'm not Victor's daughter.
daughtervictors
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It turns out I'm not related to you people at all.
relatedturns
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But we're so alike.
alike
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I know. It's amazing.
amazing
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You know what's even more amazing? It doesn't change anything.
amazingchange
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Because no matter what, I know that I am Victor's daughter.
daughtermattervictors
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That horrible, deceitful, bitter man was my father.
bitterfatherhorrible
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He was my father when I was two,
father
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and he locked me in the closet.
closetlocked
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He was my father when I was eight, and he got me drunk.
drunkeightfather
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He was my father on my wedding day when he told Hal he could do better.
fatherwedding
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He was my dad.
↓
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You've got a funny little brain, young lady,
brainfunnyladyyoungyoung-lady
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but if it makes you feel better, I'm happy.
happymakes
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The same way I know he was my father,
father
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I know that Ida was his wife.
wife
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Not technically, not legally,
legallytechnically
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but I know it.
↓
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And you know it too. And that's why you hate her so much.
hate
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I don't hate, dear.
dearhate
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- I'm Canadian. - Well, it's why you're angry then.
angrycanadian
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But the problem is you're angry at the wrong person.
angrypersonproblem
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It's not Ida.
↓
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It's Victor, your husband, who betrayed you both,
betrayedhusbandvictor
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who manipulated you both, who made you both feel
manipulated
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like you weren't worth being the only one. You hate him.
hateworth
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And you know what? He deserves it.
deserves
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Funny thing is, I came up here
funny
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because I thought Roberta and I were the same,
roberta
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but it's you and my mother who are really alike.
alikemother
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I'll sign whatever you want
sign
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just don't ever say that again.
↓
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- Malcolm. We're going. - I'm gonna stay here with my cousins.
cousinsmalcolm
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They're not your cousins. We're not even related to them.
cousinsrelated
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Now come on.
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♪ Young man ♪
young
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♪ Young man ♪
young
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♪ Young man ♪
young
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♪ Need to be unhappy ♪
unhappy
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You will hear a lot of stories, none of which are true,
stories
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about some stuff happening in the woods.
stuffwoods
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There could be grainy photos, but we should get over the border
borderphotos
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as quickly as possible, let's go!
possiblequickly
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Dewey, please.
dewey
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Can't go on much longer.
longer
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I did it! I did it!
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I did it! I did it!
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I did it!