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Malcolm in the Middle

Season 5, Episode 13 โ€” Lois's Sister

TMDB episode metadata
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- How was the park? - Ah. Oh, it was great.
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We had a blast.
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- Hal. - I know, I know, he's filthy.
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I decided to let him crawl around in the dirt for a little while.
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He had so much fun rolling around with the other kids.
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- You should've seen him. - Hal.
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Lois, you can't treat the boy like he's made of glass.
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He'll be fine. We can clean him up.
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The important thing is that Jamie and I had fun together.
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This isn't Jamie.
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Huh.
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I know exactly who I switched him with. Hi there.
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โ™ช Life is unfair โ™ช
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Boys, Aunt Susan will be here any minute. I told you to clean up the kitchen.
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You heard your mother, do it again.
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No, no, no. Wait. No one's cleaning up.
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and ride off to that sterile tomb she calls a home.
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Why is Mom always so weird about Aunt Susan?
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Got it.
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There she is.
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- Sweet. She brought the Mustang. - Oh, man.
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I wish your father and I were better
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- Susan. - I'm so happy to see you.
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I don't want you to worry about your last phone call.
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- I've completely forgiven you. - It's good to see you, too.
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I guess the drive took a little longer than expected?
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Well, lunch will taste fine cold.
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- Hi, Aunt Susan. - Hello.
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- Hi, Susan. - Hal.
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Uh, boys, why don't you go get Aunt Susan's bags out of her fancy car?
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That car is outrageous.
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Well, sometimes you just have to treat yourself.
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Oh, and I brought a gift for Jamie.
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Wow. Susan, thank you.
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After six months of shopping, this must be quite a card.
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Oh, it's not the card, it's what's inside. It's a $5,000 savings bond.
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It's gonna mature around the time he's ready to go off to college.
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Someone should be thinking of that.
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- Think we can handle whole weekend here? - Brittany and Ashley wanna marry you.
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My ex-husband is trying to have my frozen eggs
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fertilized by his boyfriend.
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Come on, girls.
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No!
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Do we have to?
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Girls, Buttercups are brave in the face of disappointment.
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I'll watch the girls.
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- Are you sure you can handle it? - Absolutely. This is my backyard.
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Besides, look at all those merit badges.
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- Oh, yeah! - Can we, can we, can we?
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We'll be fine.
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Where are we?
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- I'm hungry. - Yeah, well, I'm gonna refer you back
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Look, those are edible fungi called truffles.
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Those are deer turds.
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Okay, well, we're all gonna learn a lot this weekend.
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- Oh, that pasta was fabulous, Reese. - How's Larry?
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So, he stood up, yanked off her wig, and dried himself with it.
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Very thoroughly.
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That Larry's a keeper.
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Yeah, it's so great he's not a backstabbing weasel.
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A weasel is a horrible animal.
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Susan, I've been thinking about the gift you gave Jamie.
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I know, Lois, you don't have to worry about it.
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No, Susan, that's not what I meant.
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I'm uncomfortable with the amount. It's awfully extravagant.
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Oh, you think everything's extravagant.
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Now, I know how much little Dewey likes candy,
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so, I got him a professional cotton candy machine.
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Susan, what are you doing? We don't own a circus.
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Well, now you can feel like you do.
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Now, I'm sorry, but you two boys are gonna have to share a gift.
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I'm giving you the Mustang.
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Oh, my God. You're kidding. Thank you.
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I never believed anything Mom said about you.
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Susan, you can't give them a car.
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Mom, technically this is a transaction between Aunt Susan and us.
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I'm willing to hire a lawyer to enforce it.
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- You wanna go there, I'll go there. - You know, Lois,
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usually when someone gives gifts, people say "thank you."
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Well, I'm sorry, this sudden generosity, coming from you, is a little baffling.
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Oh, I'm sorry that the concept of opening your heart
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and giving is so baffling to you.
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I don't know, some people might not think of it as giving.
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Some people might think of it as just showing off.
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Oh, here we go. We're only three hours in,
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and we've already received our first visit from the Queen Bee of Moral Superiority.
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Oh, and here's the victim,
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- right on schedule. - I became the victim on my prom night
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when I walked into the garage and caught my boyfriend
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having sex with my sister on the hood of my car!
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Where do I look?
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There's nowhere to look.
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Dad, please, you don't have to do this.
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We love this car.
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We won't try to drive it until you say we can.
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You think your mom and I were born yesterday?
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How can you do this?
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Boys, please. I know this is hard for you to understand,
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but you just have to realize that your mom and Susan are crazy.
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The sooner you learn to accept that, the better.
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Okay, girls,
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we got a nice cozy cave to sleep in, a big roaring fire.
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- I'd say things are looking up. - That isn't enough firewood.
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You have to keep the fire going all night to keep animals away.
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Okay, Meagan, Kirsten, go get more firewood,
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and make sure it's not this dumb green stuff Francis got.
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Whoa, whoa, you girls aren't going anywhere.
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It's dark out there. I'm in charge here and I'm telling you to stay.
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I vote Brittany to be our new leader.
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All in favor?
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- Aye. - I accept.
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Now, you guys get the firewood and you guys move the blankets
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- to the dry part of the cave. - What are you doing?
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- You can't change the leader. - We voted.
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It doesn't matter.
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Now, I'm the grown-up, so that puts me in charge.
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All you girls, you sit down, because no one's going anywhere.
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โ™ช We are the Buttercups โ™ช
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โ™ช We're true blue โ™ช
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โ™ช We stick together just like glue โ™ช
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โ™ช We never doubt what we can do โ™ช
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โ™ช We're honest through and through โ™ช
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I'm in charge.
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I'm in charge.
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This is torture. The car's just sitting there and no one can drive it.
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Yeah, it's like that hot nun who comes around every year for toy drive.
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You know what?
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We're not gonna let Mom and Dad get away with this.
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Forget it, Reese.
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Your bolt cutters can't handle that lock.
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And Dad's bolt cutters are in the garage.
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It doesn't matter.
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You don't understand the power of my brain, Malcolm.
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It's like a deep ravine that sits in total darkness,
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but once in a while, just for a moment,
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a brilliant shaft of light shines directly down into it.
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And that is the moment I will think of a genius plan
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that will get us into that Mustang.
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So, the only way for us to get out of this situation
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is dependent on you being a genius?
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Correct.
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Everything in my life has led up to this moment.
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So, where's Susan?
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She said she was out shopping,
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but I won't be surprised if she's out
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renting a car so we'd have to accept her Mustang.
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She's fully capable of that.
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You know, honey, you may want to--
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Okay, never mind.
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Can you believe it?
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Classical music, how pretentious is that?
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We're just gonna ignore it.
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I'm sure she has voice mail, so we'll just--
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- Hello? - Hi, Susan, this is Dr. Dumont.
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This isn't Susan. This is her sister.
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- Excuse me? - This is her sister, Lois.
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We just sound a lot alike.
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You're Susan's sister?
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- Yes. - Her birth sister?
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Yes. What's the problem?
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The problem is you should have been in here
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six months ago for a blood test.
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Why? What's going on here? What's wrong with Susan?
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Your sister has end-stage renal disease.
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If she doesn't get a donor kidney soon, she's going to die.
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And she told me she was an only child.
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โ™ช He's so far out, he fits right in He so far out... โ™ช
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Good news, girls.
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It took me all day, but I caught two delicious-looking lizards,
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and the back half of what I'm pretty sure is a gopher.
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Meagan and Ashley built a trap and caught some rabbits.
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What's in the pot?
โ†“
667a99ea-9992-436a-8b5c-915a9456310c.gif
We found some roots and grasses to make soup with.
โ†“
7c9c8ca0-7b48-4e3d-9fb2-862803f534c8.gif
And we're not putting in your gross lizards.
โ†“
0011c762-6367-47dc-8c00-d017f2762fef.gif
You can't eat that soup.
โ†“
ebd34410-e0d0-4fbf-975e-63f30cae33e6.gif
There's no way to know if what you gathered is safe to eat.
โ†“
f7a81300-3f51-43f5-b202-8ea2c1f6a581.gif
But we only picked things we saw the bunnies eating.
โ†“
a41338eb-fd75-4581-8fd1-bc9952d36709.gif
- I'm sorry, it's too risky. - What are you doing?
โ†“
c271e58a-9b84-4bdc-a74b-06925f98d96d.gif
I'm going to dump out the soup.
โ†“
7adc3ec4-0366-486a-927f-6fd281646445.gif
No, you're not. It's our soup.
โ†“
e4339894-daf7-476d-9e28-39e52b580357.gif
Okay, we've played this game long enough.
โ†“
40628462-d02d-465b-8897-92690bffab79.gif
I am in charge. I am an adult.
โ†“
258837e5-1e06-45af-aca2-53d943a22270.gif
And I also happen to be much bigger and stronger than you girls.
โ†“
33544742-2df4-40ee-b63c-79b453ee82f9.gif
If this is the way you wanna play this, that's fine, but I--
โ†“
eaf5ee9d-91ab-4293-8ab0-670b23c68ad4.gif
You are on thin ice, girls.
โ†“
b644f69c-3f63-4108-b2ba-c8ea00328efb.gif
One more stunt like this and I won't be responsible.
โ†“
2991319f-9872-4207-9e6b-835cbe705fb2.gif
I am serious!
โ†“
ac87462c-1d9d-4a40-961c-cdc3deb865c0.gif
Look at you now.
โ†“
a742566c-7127-4e3d-a892-a0404f252b49.gif
You're a sleeping sailor.
โ†“
5bfb56ed-b44b-43fc-9c7f-efb7c0eb0a45.gif
He can try on his new outfits later.
โ†“
3ef40638-f335-4059-ad00-870ec07155c8.gif
You know, I really missed the boat not having kids.
โ†“
0b633a54-a701-460c-81c5-ac99b7ec5873.gif
I gotta admit, I envy you.
โ†“
6d8ec1c9-dc6c-4697-b2f7-db32d4aa4198.gif
- Is that why you're not taking my kidney? - What?
โ†“
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Your cell phone rang this morning. I answered it.
โ†“
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It was your doctor, Susan. He told me everything.
โ†“
370d2bec-6245-4982-a3a8-8713d1ebcfff.gif
How could you tell him that I don't exist?
โ†“
f397fc93-b47f-4e42-a928-9941c567788f.gif
How can you not even ask me for a kidney when I'm probably a perfect match?
โ†“
6487779e-6335-438f-90f7-ff1608e9c200.gif
What kind of weird psychological issues are making you do this?
โ†“
9c143fb7-437e-48ed-93ea-dfce002ed61d.gif
Who gave you the right to answer my cell phone?
โ†“
3ab9bf59-01c2-4074-ac1f-8bdb18c61f96.gif
What is wrong with you?
โ†“
c82439ae-c3a8-4549-9149-8cbdaeacecb0.gif
If I give you one of my kidneys, you can live.
โ†“
cd3df1a8-e7e5-4398-9d10-9bb1d0853407.gif
Well, that's the moment we've all been waiting for, isn't it?
โ†“
d8b59783-32d7-462f-be30-a341dcd28c75.gif
The almighty Lois now has the power to grant me life.
โ†“
468cc5d3-2a54-49f6-bb29-822f850a1776.gif
Don't mind me. Not staying.
โ†“
7e7d4f1a-e5be-4c21-90f1-b7173cd0e512.gif
Just getting an innocent child. Enjoy your chat. We're already gone. Bye.
โ†“
a2b81315-3126-4c51-8085-a817e7a63c6a.gif
Why do you always twist around everything I say
โ†“
77a52689-41d8-4974-b544-cb8d44bbadd7.gif
to make it seem like I'm attacking you?
โ†“
dd4d945f-551d-494f-b64f-63fe860ddbb1.gif
Why do you always say "always"? You have you any idea how stupid that is?
โ†“
7b1c51cb-e967-4c84-a8c2-1da569c057d5.gif
Don't change the subject.
โ†“
84df4c77-343a-41b4-b634-c55faa39c128.gif
My God, this is the apple turnover all over again.
โ†“
c3e5911c-b665-443d-8a37-6c0af0254f1d.gif
Don't you dare bring up the apple turnover!
โ†“
b28ef77d-71b6-478e-a737-5d47482b0383.gif
Oh, screw it.
โ†“
08ca9f59-858a-41df-b7c6-4022c2bb55d7.gif
I've had 15 years of therapy.
โ†“
2383cc08-8b7e-4505-a1a2-5aead076e96f.gif
- I'm better than this. - I'm talking to you!
โ†“
4c54e234-b4be-4c46-ad70-943420adc3c2.gif
I am not your puppet!
โ†“
ac9e2820-63e0-40be-bfbb-ff1274facf3b.gif
- What? - I know what I did wrong, Hal.
โ†“
aef64a9c-438d-447d-9c3a-5c317c48384a.gif
I let her get away too easily.
โ†“
32e07324-5099-42e9-b875-91b1be4968a9.gif
Well, I didn't think anything was gonna be solved
โ†“
12572740-74d9-405f-88cd-4e0964e529bf.gif
once you got into who your goldfish liked better.
โ†“
d00428c5-fa2c-443f-a7e7-bee026171963.gif
You're right. Arguing with her accomplishes nothing.
โ†“
03b9701e-ca2b-41ee-ba49-9c7974cf9f36.gif
That's why I'm gonna have a judge declare her mentally incompetent.
โ†“
fc3c9dde-ebdf-49eb-9e47-a7ae782ade7e.gif
That's never going to work, Lois.
โ†“
80629c21-ea75-4569-adcf-2fa2d8fd7b92.gif
Are you kidding?
โ†“
76fca178-8468-4d9d-967e-96538b8c838b.gif
Any psychiatrist spends five minutes with her would say that she's crazy.
โ†“
e7cdeade-59b1-4149-b70f-e61615563439.gif
Don't take this the wrong way, but when you two get together,
โ†“
51cbc7d2-c8c9-4550-9c89-f015ccb716c7.gif
you don't exactly have the high ground on crazy.
โ†“
0d2ec83c-27b0-4ab9-9c8f-52789a90a92c.gif
Well, what am I supposed to do, Hal, just sit back and watch her die?
โ†“
e260a64a-afc5-4351-b908-92c97d1182d3.gif
I don't know what to do either. But Susan is an adult.
โ†“
48d1c1c5-3e8a-486e-a050-103a9cf69af3.gif
You can't force someone to take a kidney.
โ†“
3542204e-abc1-4f2b-af27-ad202cc34257.gif
Hey.
โ†“
f0b151b3-b8a0-40fc-a569-17e96b5d5a4b.gif
- Thanks. - What you're doing?
โ†“
ebf377b1-bd99-4028-873f-a398e0e3611b.gif
Savoring the greatest achievement of a life that so far
โ†“
bf4a881b-05c2-404c-a400-55fa3b108932.gif
has had some pretty mixed results. Get in.
โ†“
f6bc2c76-da2c-449e-99b2-53cd86a6efcf.gif
What do you think you're gonna accomplish in a car with no engine?
โ†“
a0bdd36c-203a-47ac-b46d-5c105b8f0dfe.gif
There's a kegger down at the field.
โ†“
9d9530df-e6e8-4df0-8c04-e27e74243c00.gif
They've been without us long enough.
โ†“
4aa3cbf6-7bc6-4052-9775-7b0a669055f3.gif
Reese, you're insane.
โ†“
8dd95d01-bc1f-4bdb-9a12-ff3b5235ed2a.gif
Yeah, you could make an argument for that.
โ†“
f982350f-05bb-4d5f-bbf5-45bfdf58dd4a.gif
โ™ช I wanna have a party I wanna have a party โ™ช
โ†“
9b20a34c-f50d-43d6-a449-5ecb887180ba.gif
โ™ช I came here to party Can I get a party? โ™ช
โ†“
d37afad0-675e-4639-9aa0-353fcafc2534.gif
โ™ช Can I get a party? I came to party! โ™ช
โ†“
f73f6c1c-48fb-403e-ac7d-b328f7120c09.gif
Hello, 24-hour party people.
โ†“
c71d5764-2b7d-4dae-8b21-a5a14f4aec39.gif
You moron. I can't believe you think you're gonna get away--
โ†“
816551a5-d21f-4a6f-83cc-6802850626e0.gif
Cool car.
โ†“
00498478-ae7c-4ec4-acb4-fc88c4f261b4.gif
'65 Mustang.
โ†“
8f57e981-29e8-461e-b1c3-1b37b816e3c1.gif
Meagan.
โ†“
996109e4-7ab9-49c8-b862-54da45bbc0cf.gif
Meagan.
โ†“
8bc016ba-604d-43da-a525-914434f0304f.gif
- Huh? - Shh!
โ†“
526c53b8-4fbd-4ece-9e4e-4d9402cd5426.gif
I have something very important to tell you.
โ†“
ff19f417-cdcf-427f-919d-66d7d083685e.gif
- What? - Brittany told me
โ†“
1456d2ca-0741-45f9-944f-66884c255105.gif
that Donny Frost said that he likes you,
โ†“
f24a8bba-af02-4701-b0dc-1e2cdfe45bd0.gif
but she won't tell you because she thinks you're stuck up.
โ†“
322164d6-f5c6-4953-9db9-505f5e0ce41c.gif
- No way. - And also, she said those shoes
โ†“
ecf19909-4a0b-4f1f-a732-59a083f56cf9.gif
she said were cute on you aren't cute on you at all.
โ†“
4ec5a552-34ca-4300-87bb-81ef9208e5fa.gif
They're actually dorky.
โ†“
9b0db0ed-cb9b-48c4-b504-3ae025fad68b.gif
Why would she say such mean things?
โ†“
88fdfc15-dee2-4ba8-99ac-2f4eb311b1ce.gif
I think it's because she's a two-face.
โ†“
8c2667bb-2386-4d6f-ba9a-0cd91318dbf4.gif
But that's not important.
โ†“
3975ad15-15e0-42f5-9beb-a31b8aff26a6.gif
What is important is that a girl like that should not be the leader.
โ†“
444bfb91-cd6a-4cfe-85a8-4545dc47336e.gif
You should be the leader.
โ†“
bc8ba57f-8392-4195-8d38-153686bf55e9.gif
You're more honest than she is, and prettier.
โ†“
18a140d5-1c48-4cc2-b621-66485f069149.gif
Me? The leader?
โ†“
aeda0fa7-79a3-4014-920d-bec0d50c891b.gif
Totally.
โ†“
0253ed9b-c3e9-4694-98d8-9e7957d7cf57.gif
Together, we could make this the best Buttercup troop ever.
โ†“
b9953bd5-6a16-4429-9d0d-07ecb80293d0.gif
- All I need you to do is untie my hands. - Okay.
โ†“
93e94712-c411-4d1b-aef8-5d0461dcc4a4.gif
You are not going to regret this.
โ†“
107bee67-d457-417c-b911-5e0d5a64c881.gif
Ah!
โ†“
dbf6cfbf-7ed1-47c1-b1a2-64bf9e0a123c.gif
Buttercups are always loyal.
โ†“
81aab5d6-a734-40e4-981a-9d6bd3bae3c9.gif
Think about that while you're sleeping outside.
โ†“
c79c6ecf-3f29-4e42-b4da-09a4a3dad537.gif
Yeah, driving's cool.
โ†“
4f423381-13aa-4937-9590-f1aff55e0bb5.gif
I do all my thinking when I drive.
โ†“
bd731f00-5348-4bef-9526-9752b88088c1.gif
Of course, sometimes I drive and I don't think, I just drive.
โ†“
e330d6cb-884d-4509-8d95-d2dd774847bd.gif
But no matter where I drive or how much I drive,
โ†“
fbab3eeb-da2d-4aa9-832b-11ed51c750a6.gif
I find that people are still people.
โ†“
0caeb05c-8d99-4091-a218-df8ac18669f0.gif
That is so true.
โ†“
eef9ecb4-46fc-4fc5-9ae9-4df976f4420d.gif
Thanks for letting me wear your jacket.
โ†“
2dede006-2bb6-4a47-b441-4e2b6d236882.gif
Sure. Let me ask you something.
โ†“
b4a0d7fe-84a3-48e4-8652-ffcc9f1316a4.gif
Do you remember last week when I said hello to you,
โ†“
095abc9d-5c3b-4388-bc35-28eeac9144e2.gif
and you said, "Look what's trying to talk to me?"
โ†“
f8475b07-fd20-4a03-9d97-3d3edec8530d.gif
- Did I? - So, are you nicer to me now
โ†“
c903c825-d2ee-418f-8441-3ed04a3d8d2f.gif
because you realize we have more in common than you thought,
โ†“
5d248173-11a8-468a-b804-c0c91cc49fd5.gif
or because you find our differences intriguing,
โ†“
681d48ab-1538-4b58-a239-9b8826f82efb.gif
or because now I have a car?
โ†“
45099460-3925-43fb-a0d0-d2e5bd559b88.gif
- Uh, probably the car. - Cool.
โ†“
00f76158-35e4-43ac-a91a-f8de19c69f43.gif
Sometimes I love high school.
โ†“
299ebb09-38a9-4ce6-8253-f4d78e4ec372.gif
Hey, why don't we drive somewhere so we can have a little privacy?
โ†“
c9d1b1bc-b406-4e41-8a09-cb954fe8d0f6.gif
I don't see why we have to drive anywhere. It's a beautiful night,
โ†“
7474cf1b-597b-4e77-8e1a-dd5d0873cf1f.gif
I'm with a beautiful girl, there are some beautiful bushes over there.
โ†“
616d20e0-6353-4308-9bb0-7b12e7e4326d.gif
I'll get some blankets. Come on, Olivia.
โ†“
023f9139-1196-42eb-9fbe-9186543e9b58.gif
You are a god.
โ†“
ef3ef03b-f006-429c-be62-e26489364e87.gif
A god of a special universe, where no one thinks of consequences,
โ†“
acc3181d-d2ce-40bd-810c-b3b12cfaf35d.gif
and where those of us constrained by intelligence
โ†“
ef488054-7720-4c88-a6e2-5f4ef13bf06f.gif
and common sense are not allowed.
โ†“
63281b70-1e58-4ef1-9003-43c38cb9c571.gif
But you have invited me in,
โ†“
d7f2c90c-8b57-4834-86d2-15f95ecb00bf.gif
and from now on, I will follow you anywhere.
โ†“
4cc8d166-e791-469e-80ca-380f7912335c.gif
Hey, hey, hey! Cop cars up at the top of the hill.
โ†“
9d732b33-6ea6-4b4d-902c-5835b7f050e4.gif
Everybody get out of here.
โ†“
12c9145b-606d-418f-88d7-9e3d9d401d06.gif
Move your damn car.
โ†“
6da48345-441a-4894-9051-ec63317e25bf.gif
Uh...
โ†“
82bff11d-c305-47b8-bd19-36109098b265.gif
- I think the battery's dead. - I'll jump it.
โ†“
4cefb07a-9675-46d8-a1fc-050b307df3b8.gif
Come on!
โ†“
30c50a68-f730-41c3-8461-3cc38b663723.gif
- Come on. - Come on, man.
โ†“
683fe32c-0e9e-4fdc-bc57-2195d730fd58.gif
Hey, somebody stole our engine!
โ†“
521d6afb-7c8d-4522-a59f-ed7c623ebba1.gif
Nobody's going anywhere until they give it back.
โ†“
60d0a879-e191-4eed-883a-a875c5e02121.gif
I'm glad the cops are coming. I want names.
โ†“
1f6e7ce0-cafa-44bb-8ed2-f3f4cb8badb9.gif
I'm getting worried. They're supposed to be here now.
โ†“
fe6897ed-7397-46b0-967b-b37707bd9f7e.gif
โ™ช Val-deri โ™ช
โ†“
089e2d49-3110-4e24-8593-b0cbe105c04d.gif
โ™ช Val-dera โ™ช
โ†“
a7d63653-f8f5-4392-a40e-ab83e24be6c4.gif
โ™ช Val-deri โ™ช
โ†“
bd3d61d3-bdb9-41d6-926c-da794ba79da0.gif
โ™ช Val-dera-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha โ™ช
โ†“
6c8242dc-3eb2-43cb-8bcf-0070ca61cacb.gif
โ™ช Val-deri โ™ช
โ†“
9fccf8b6-238b-4ebb-a509-286ea7b5de13.gif
โ™ช Val-dera โ™ช
โ†“
8b2b453b-98bb-4b58-bcf4-0edf5430808a.gif
โ™ช My knapsack on my back โ™ช
โ†“
61824fa9-40b4-4e68-bda2-12aef4ed1613.gif
Oh, my God. Francis, are you all right?
โ†“
1531d164-72fd-45ff-8bdf-11e87eaca5fc.gif
What happened to you?
โ†“
15c92827-6f6a-4629-8699-8472f24fed19.gif
Nothing. It was great.
โ†“
3a188d50-d083-4640-8172-6f724fc1ba7b.gif
It's my turn to be dragged.
โ†“
6455c27f-c5fa-444c-80ab-7d7009b0716f.gif
Dr. Dumont.
โ†“
865fe5f4-2b36-4106-ab01-b5d64af74379.gif
Susan, what a great day.
โ†“
ac5448f6-33fc-4f36-9f49-8701efbc6c5d.gif
Yeah, dialysis. What fun.
โ†“
0eee6eeb-4ee4-4ca2-b917-14954feb2858.gif
Too bad I left my party hat at home.
โ†“
eb1e3877-5d6e-4246-ba80-8f2fdcef0466.gif
What are you talking about? We're not doing dialysis today.
โ†“
0225529c-8a38-43a3-a695-f59e1081de06.gif
- You're getting your kidney today. - What?
โ†“
36a43bbc-4439-431b-9aa5-e57514a3ccf2.gif
Susan, we talked about this on the phone four days ago.
โ†“
aeb83ff8-c0b3-4bdc-83df-ac548c818c9e.gif
You agreed to do the procedure today.
โ†“
9134e262-62d7-4cda-ba0c-f18f338c9a48.gif
- Your sister's already-- - My sister?
โ†“
010b1502-d68e-4887-90d8-02277d6d2c4f.gif
You're not allowed out of Post-Op yet.
โ†“
1a0cb579-b446-4327-a4d8-7ee354777cd1.gif
Post-Op?
โ†“
f591ee61-3341-46eb-a347-18c09203ac30.gif
Yep. It turns out I was a perfect match.
โ†“
07729713-b959-4965-83f1-2bf9e508f1d6.gif
My kidney's in a cooler down the hall.
โ†“
98fdbb8c-8a9e-4adc-9bb1-a03bc0d068f0.gif
You can either accept it or throw it in the trash.
โ†“
23994717-3642-4225-8bb8-d9a0468cd280.gif
Oh, boy, this is not gonna look good in front of the board.
โ†“
a1ae2b32-c019-4453-b032-c7fb875709cb.gif
Are you insane?
โ†“
3794920b-f6b7-4875-aeb0-9ba8d8bca669.gif
You had your kidney taken out after I told you no?
โ†“
6f08756b-ba69-414f-a821-e5622ea39773.gif
Susan, hi. Look, I know you don't care what I think,
โ†“
2dd90c27-d92c-40ff-80ec-4ebe9fe2e8d8.gif
but I have to let you know that I'm happy that you agreed to do this.
โ†“
38e91a7b-55ec-41b1-a2cf-d7ef6e53da7b.gif
Oh, I didn't agree to anything.
โ†“
e0c49381-c45d-41f5-b1a9-ad202ba833b9.gif
My treacherous sister has concocted a gigantic tissue of lies to trap me,
โ†“
0db2a033-5681-428f-a1ea-6debf0317540.gif
but it's not gonna work.
โ†“
af2ab275-76c6-46c6-bf2d-d9d045355d89.gif
- What? - Well, she didn't--?
โ†“
2539384c-7e5e-4a0b-a4ae-88868d006631.gif
Okay, for future reference, this is the crazy thing
โ†“
2e024c38-2aa6-48cc-bdb4-984e6f3014b9.gif
- I was talking about. - I cannot believe you would be so spiteful
โ†“
cd94cda1-0652-4963-9ce4-409a266ee3e2.gif
as to let yourself die after what I have done for you.
โ†“
5a6f2ab2-9bd9-4cd5-a3ac-0b23a0c2f5d5.gif
What you have done for me?
โ†“
54f86873-66a1-4190-97c9-dc64f54c594a.gif
I am so sick of this.
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You know, you actually have me looking forward to the afterlife.
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Good luck. Dad's there.
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Susan, please, just take the kidney.
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- I don't wanna lose you. - Okay, you know what?
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Can you do me a big favor
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and stop pretending like you care about me?
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What? Susan, I love you.
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Oh, please. You never loved me.
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You see this scar?
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When I was six and you were four, Dad said we didn't get dessert
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because we were bad,
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and you dumped his pudding on his head and said,
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"Yeah? Well, neither do you," and I laughed so hard,
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I fell and hit my head on the corner of the coffee table.
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See those freckles on your left ankle?
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We used to play connect-the-dots,
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and I drew a bunny and you named it "Footy."
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And this hole in my ear is from when you got Dad's tackle box
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and you pierced my ears for me because I was too chicken to do it.
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And that cap on your tooth is from when Cindy Bauer called me a bitch
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and you beat the crap out of her and didn't think I ever knew about it.
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And this is the scar I got from the kidney I gave you
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because I love you.
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Don't you tell me I don't love you.
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Oh, for God's sakes.
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All right, give me the damn kidney.
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Thank you.
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Don't get too excited. You know you were always the big one.
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We don't even know if it'll fit.
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Hope you don't think going anywhere.
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Don't worry.
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Until everyone who was at that party dies of old age,
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we have no reason to ever go out.
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Hey, how are you feeling?
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Well, it's been three days. Not so much as a thank you.
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No, I meant the incision.
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Oh. I'm still pretty sore.
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Yeah, well, Susan may not admit it, but she's grateful.
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And if it's any consolation, she took the kidney. You won.
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Hal, it was never about that.
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Nobody won.
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Help! Help!
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Help!