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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S05E05 — Malcolm Films Reese

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 5, Episode 5 — Malcolm Films Reese

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Malcolm Films Reese
Air date: November 30, 2003
Director: Levie Isaacks
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
Malcolm chooses Reese as his subject for an Abnormal Psychology mid-term project; Dewey earns some extra cash as a street performer.
Source: TMDB
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Come on, we can't. We'll wake up the baby.
babywake
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That is what old reliable is for.
reliable
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Besides, babies at this age don't remember anything.
babiesbesidesremember
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♪ I'm in love with you ♪
love
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♪ Yeah ♪
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♪ Oh, yeah ♪
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♪ Life is unfair ♪
lifeunfair
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Look what you've done to this shirt.
shirt
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You saw the price tag, and you knew I'd just bought it.
boughtprice
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Maybe that's not a bad thing.
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Do you think I can afford to keep on buying new clothes?
affordbuyingclothes
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Oh, honey, come on. Hey. Enough is enough. Look, I want you to go out
honey
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- and buy a new washer and dryer. - You know we can't afford that.
afforddryerwasher
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I think they're finally gonna be worth something.
finallyworth
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There have been people flying back and forth to New York
flyingforthyork
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Oh, Hal, that would be wonderful.
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Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad. Don't wanna be late for school today.
lateschoolschool-todaytoday
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I'm handing in my diorama.
handing
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No, no, no!
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I know castration complex when I see it.
complex
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- Idiot. - Excuse me?
excuseidiot
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Blake wrote, "To generalize is to be an idiot."
blakeidiotwrote
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Thank you, Malcolm.
malcolm
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Tomorrow, people, I want progress reports on your term projects.
progressprojectsreportstermtomorrow
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I have to talk to Herkabe for a second.
herkabesecond
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- Will you wait up? - Got gym.
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Have to change my tires.
changetires
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Mr. Herkabe, you still haven't given me my term project.
givenherkabeprojectterm
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I've been asking you every day for a month.
askingmonth
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- so I can get started. - All right, come by my office at lunch
lunchofficestarted
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and I'll give you your assignment.
assignment
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Your office?
office
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Why is everybody so afraid of my office?
afraideverybodyoffice
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A reminder, class officer ballots
classofficerreminder
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I trust the stick of gum was worth it.
sticktrustworth
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Ah, Malcolm.
malcolm
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- Here. - What's this?
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You are holding a video surveillance camera.
cameraholdingsurveillancevideo
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What am I supposed to do with it?
supposed
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The most deviant mind that we have at our disposal.
disposalmind
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A mind incapable of differentiating between right and wrong, a diseased--
diseasedincapablemind
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- You're talking about my brother. - Yes.
brother
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And you want me to secretly videotape him?
secretlyvideotape
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Around you, he'll relax, let his guard down,
guardrelax
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What you're asking me to do is creepy on about a hundred different levels.
askingcreepyhundredlevels
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You have one week.
week
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The newspaper is here. The newspaper is here.
newspaper
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The newspaper is here.
newspaper
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foremost among them,
among
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how could a kind and loving God grant these monsters a hotel license?"
granthotellicenselovingmonsters
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the Grotto is quite simply the worst hotel in the history of the world."
grottohistoryhotelsimplyworldworst
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I'm sorry. I was so nervous, I wasn't even listening.
listeningnervous
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Start again.
start
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Have you seen Dewey anywhere? I want to try something out on him.
deweyseen
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No. So, uh, how are you?
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Huh?
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I'm just curious how you're feeling.
curiousfeeling
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- How the hell should I know? - Well, are you happy?
happy
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Are you sad?
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Like, when you laugh,
laugh
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- you're feeling something's funny. - Like when I tripped Arthur Hall
arthurfeelingfunnyhallsomethingssomethings-funnytripped
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and his retainer flew out of his mouth into a pile of dog crap?
flewmouthpileretainer
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That was awesome.
awesome
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So, you think it's funny when other people get hurt?
funnyhurt
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- I think it's funny when you shut up. - Okay. Okay.
funny
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Hey, they laugh at me.
laugh
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- People laugh at you? - Yeah, people laugh at me.
laugh
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But not for long.
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So, what you're saying is, when people laugh at you, it hurts,
hurtslaugh
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and then you want to make them hurt, too?
hurt
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No. What I'm saying is,
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if you want to talk like a girl, go find a girl and take this with you.
girl
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- See? It is funny. - Ow.
funny
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The 4400 has the dual-speed rinse cycle?
cyclerinsespeed
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Mm-hm.
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No. No, I placed my order four days ago. I just like talking about it.
daysfourfour-daysorderplaced
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- Hi, Dewey. How was school? - Good. Great.
deweyschool
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I was definitely there. Eight times five, 40.
eighteight-timesfivetimes
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What are you--?
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Hello?
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Hi, honey. What have you heard?
heardhoney
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You're kidding.
kidding
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- Well, who was at the meeting? - Everybody.
everybodymeeting
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People have been running in and out of the boardroom all day.
boardroomrunning
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No, I've just been playing Tetris.
playing
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Oh. Here he comes.
comes
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Hal.
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Mr. Fortinberry.
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Could you pull my jacket up over my head?
headjacketpull
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Sure.
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Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
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It's unbelievable.
unbelievable
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The whole company is under investigation.
companyinvestigationwholewhole-company
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They used the pension fund
fundpensionused
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to buy a recording studio for the CEO's girlfriend.
girlfriendrecordingstudio
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Oh, Hal, this is horrible.
horrible
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Okay, okay.
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Don't worry about this. We're gonna figure this out somehow.
figureworry
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Hello, Gene, it's Lois.
genelois
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Order 387669289-1.
order
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I'm afraid I have to cancel.
afraidcancel
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Great. The Flagstaff Elks just canceled their convention here.
canceledconvention
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Who can blame them? That review was horrible.
blamehorriblereview
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Hey, Otto. How's it going? We gonna get out of the robe today?
ottorobetoday
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Innkeeper of the Year?
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Hmm.
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It is the lie of the century.
century
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Otto, what are you doing? You worked hard for that award.
awardhardottoworkedworked-hard
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What was that, Francis?
francis
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I couldn't hear you over the crackle of my failure.
failure
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I have dreams where I sing.
dreamssing
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Really high, like that Saturday Night Fever guy.
fevernightsaturdaysaturday-night
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Okay.
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Well, you were sort of asking me about, you know, stuff.
askingstuff
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- I thought you wanted to know. - I do want to know.
wanted
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Is your head cold? Mine is.
coldhead
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No. It's okay.
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- So, you were singing in this dream? - Yeah.
dreamsinging
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There were all these clouds around me.
clouds
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- You like clouds? - Yeah, I like clouds.
clouds
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I call them sky kittens.
kittens
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This is so weird. I've never told any of this to anyone.
weird
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It's like you're another wishing hole.
anotherholewishingwishing-hole
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What's a wishing hole?
holewishingwishing-hole
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- You don't have a wishing hole? - No.
holewishingwishing-hole
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Oh, man, you gotta get one.
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Mine's in a tree on Jefferson Street.
jeffersonminesstreettree
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You can ask your wishing hole for anything.
holewishingwishing-hole
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It never calls you stupid or perv.
callspervstupid
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My hole always keeps my wishes safe. It's like a bank for wishes.
bankholekeepssafewishes
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It's extraordinary footage.
extraordinaryfootage
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But I only got it by doing something totally dishonest.
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- I'm not doing this anymore. - What?
anymore
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Why would you stop now when you could go so much deeper?
deeper
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- He took me to his wishing hole. - Malcolm, he wants to talk to you.
holemalcolmwantswishingwishing-hole
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Be his friend.
friend
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- He trusted me, and I exploited him. - That's called being a good interviewer.
calledexploitedinterviewertrusted
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It's called being a liar. He's my brother.
brothercalledliar
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- I'm not giving you another assignment. - Fine.
anotherassignmentgiving
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I'll just make up the class in summer school. But I quit.
classquitschoolsummersummer-school
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There are...
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50 kinds...
kinds
↓
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of negative,
negative
↓
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trans...
trans
↓
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ference.
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- Starting with-- - Well done, Stevie.
startingstevie
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I think we can all just fill in the blanks from there.
blanksfill
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Now, we have just enough time for one more presentation.
presentation
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And our friend Malcolm
friendmalcolm
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is going to amaze us with a fascinating update of the Milgram Experiment.
experimentfascinatingupdate
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Milgram Experiment?
experiment
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Oh, something you don't know, Malcolm.
malcolm
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The Milgram Experiment was a lesson in the power of authority.
authorityexperimentlessonpower
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A subject was asked by a man in a lab coat to administer
administeraskedcoatsubject
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an electric shock to a third party.
electricpartyshockthird
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Milgram proved that people will blindly follow an authority figure
authorityblindlyfigurefollowproved
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even if it means harming
↓
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- an innocent stranger. - What are you doing?
innocentstranger
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In our version, the stranger will be replaced
replacedstrangerversion
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by a close family member.
closefamilyfamily-membermember
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And the electric shock will be replaced by devastating emotional trauma.
devastatingelectricemotionalreplacedshocktrauma
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Let's watch.
watch
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Yeah, I like clouds.
clouds
↓
8daebd0c-f3a4-4a58-b8e5-07c1d5523ead.gif
I call them sky kittens.
kittens
↓
e4c79e26-ffec-4cf9-9a4e-4019aebd0516.gif
It's troubling, isn't it?
troubling
↓
fc6b97a1-a5b2-47f9-8751-4be32441dd6e.gif
How willing someone is to sell out his own brother,
brothersellwilling
↓
9a4b6404-96fb-4c48-b73c-c0e2439487db.gif
knowing full well that it's exactly that kind of juicy gossip
fullgossipjuicyknowingknowing-full
↓
ff8624c3-5ed3-447a-85fc-e6e04bc0013f.gif
that would compel each of you to run into the quad
quad
↓
7ced8082-cabb-4471-9380-278dd45f6301.gif
and spread this throughout the school like wildfire.
schoolspreadthroughout
↓
096686b3-6477-455b-9b81-9fdc95aa2a76.gif
- Hey, that is not-- - Malcolm, I am teaching.
malcolmteaching
↓
29726061-9fbf-4135-bca3-c52439a0d16b.gif
It's called being a liar.
calledliar
↓
fab12be9-4b7c-4f42-9426-18d16b0000e2.gif
He's my brother.
brother
↓
26e926d7-8ece-4cff-93e7-e1ab8012b392.gif
And I exploited him.
exploited
↓
b2e915bf-7e4c-41e6-a278-6c24f8b094d2.gif
A liar.
liar
↓
ee703eb8-ae7b-4cd9-8f8e-7f6e2138b878.gif
He's my brother.
brother
↓
e004274b-1b51-4e7c-81f9-237547ad0c12.gif
And I exploited him.
exploited
↓
eed91be7-e232-4bf2-94d0-9d4dc79c421e.gif
And I exploited him.
exploited
↓
8e4a4b4e-4590-47ad-98bd-cbee2e10bf71.gif
You never said you were taping me.
taping
↓
6f5fd699-2505-4298-a7e4-e7aeb2aeb1f4.gif
I never said I was taping him.
taping
↓
6d2c0717-7168-4d70-a304-e22b5e26e4a1.gif
I wish Malcolm and I will be friends forever.
foreverfriendsfriends-forevermalcolmwish
↓
d6ac2004-9509-41a7-9f33-676bfcea07ca.gif
Breathtaking, isn't it?
↓
0af331f6-c41b-49e2-a54c-b9fdf7829d95.gif
Now, none of us can know if we would do that to a loved one
loved
↓
fc3b2a49-d3b5-4139-9c63-f3dae3eef233.gif
just because a man in a proverbial lab coat asked us to.
askedcoatproverbial
↓
89077dd1-8069-4d27-b3d9-aa6cac4dce39.gif
All we can know for certain...
certain
↓
e9b141d1-9490-4c38-9b5f-0dd67c9c5732.gif
is that Malcolm did.
malcolm
↓
8eca9cb1-d230-4112-bc3a-ecc3016874cc.gif
Tomorrow, Katy reports on post-traumatic stress disorder in fruit flies.
disorderfliesfruitpostreportsstresstomorrowtraumatic
↓
c690d408-3a4f-481c-ac14-eb49c8f3e3d8.gif
Hey! You made me look like a total jerk.
jerktotaltotal-jerk
↓
aed899aa-45a4-46b4-99ac-2cc2e3b3a5f2.gif
You tricked me!
tricked
↓
761ffeb6-9931-4fa1-abc2-24ede52b5feb.gif
Tricked you?
tricked
↓
2e96a781-4879-4b9e-ace0-da05646e0afd.gif
Oh, how could I,
↓
905ae499-94f8-4669-bae4-918fbd007cf2.gif
a humble school administrator making low five figures,
figuresfivehumbleschool
↓
4ab4f977-f549-49fc-aa56-b12bb5283963.gif
be any match for the great and powerful Malcolm?
malcolmmatchpowerful
↓
85f1ed1a-51dd-4254-b4ea-8ace9334d584.gif
Never underestimate your adversary.
underestimate
↓
c8e52478-e32a-42a7-971c-b353e5a5e122.gif
You may consider yourself my moral and intellectual superior,
considerintellectualmoralsuperior
↓
40b3729a-b7d2-4d75-9295-bd073eb4003c.gif
but this has clearly proven you are neither.
proven
↓
a5a864c0-6e35-4deb-99a2-c1254ffb47ca.gif
We played the game.
gameplayed
↓
4bc6b39c-8cff-4ea3-8d33-c1ebfe04bafb.gif
And I won.
↓
4b76d515-c3ff-4e30-ba59-9f3baead8c35.gif
Well, it looks as if neither of us is going anywhere for a while.
↓
f5a36238-66ba-443b-b690-8792869cdb03.gif
Perhaps I said some things that you may have taken the wrong way.
perhapstaken
↓
08672e7b-e85f-447b-a1ca-3c73d4c5f287.gif
Anyway, I bought you something.
bought
↓
2fbe3bea-9ceb-4697-b2ce-cfb0963ae25f.gif
Name-brand fabric softener.
brandfabricfabric-softenernamename-brandsoftener
↓
1c049c88-ddcf-4fa4-a8e9-f98d334487a2.gif
Oh, look at this.
↓
cd523fd7-83b8-45b5-a17a-84f44b03ede3.gif
Our chief financial officer had his dog on the board of directors.
boardchiefdirectorsfinancialofficer
↓
53718bca-d4a9-4b01-83b4-37911bd91c5f.gif
I had to cc him on every memo.
memo
↓
f387188e-e876-4ba2-8f95-78ee1cf33f2f.gif
Mom, Dad, I have a question about school. Let's say you're making a lot of money.
moneyquestionschool
↓
064a5d9d-83bb-4bf9-bf03-bc59779bd92d.gif
I mean, so much money that the idea of going to school is--
ideamoneyschool
↓
217e489c-5f59-4b8e-9fd3-c7a32de75d08.gif
You have to go to school.
school
↓
443cc60f-2e63-4fab-b140-0f7a45b98082.gif
But what if you're already making like four or $500 a week?
fourweek
↓
c7e5782d-fcfe-4409-9cef-337273c8ed16.gif
Yeah, Dewey, you start making four or $500 a week, you can quit school.
deweyfourquitschoolstartweek
↓
c4e24125-4b5a-446d-a576-df0220f72af5.gif
Okay.
↓
b041e33e-821b-4aa7-afb6-44165e5f53e9.gif
Reese, I gotta hole you can wish into.
holereesewish
↓
08684e26-5f6f-4dc8-9c3a-5dc5b0773ccb.gif
This is an official apology.
apologyofficial
↓
9daafa8a-21fb-444d-b1ed-be02897e5fd0.gif
I'm a terrible person and I'm sorry.
person
↓
1d1e25b0-0be6-4f97-9ae4-f16514c71684.gif
What I did was horrible even by our standards.
horriblestandards
↓
834bda1c-ca58-4f30-b7c9-d965f12df573.gif
And let's face it, we've set the bar pretty low.
face
↓
7ef1a191-431c-473a-b675-51ab2ab08349.gif
Look, I'm begging you.
begging
↓
3a179e4b-b09b-4c0c-849e-2a05220917bc.gif
Tell me what I can do to fix it, anything.
↓
8ec32240-f410-4999-88d6-2f5355000092.gif
Just say it and I'll do it.
↓
7a959c27-ea3c-43ff-af56-6de0b054c3e1.gif
Sure.
↓
fbca584c-c135-4404-891f-2cb7b6a5fa02.gif
Fly backwards around the Earth like Superman and turn back time
backwardsearthsuperman
↓
6e7bc39c-f89f-480c-9e4f-a7c02ddc9482.gif
to before I thought we liked each other.
liked
↓
d83deb75-853e-43b1-96b6-aea62a29347e.gif
I still can't believe you convinced the newspaper to give us another review.
anotherbelieveconvincednewspaperreview
↓
dfc1b002-f30e-4e6f-a9a9-4048292aadf1.gif
Honey, you of all people know how persuasive I can be.
honeypersuasive
↓
b7bf9c83-03ad-4737-b386-ccc14f02ceb0.gif
- You cried. - Like a baby.
babycried
↓
cc4f7006-1b9e-40fe-b26e-569958ed69c6.gif
He is here!
↓
c50b4e0c-e88b-4917-bd33-fd0e23e06324.gif
Everyone, act normal!
normal
↓
2d2ba4dd-7f44-4708-8f32-1ac45c0ca2b2.gif
Welcome to the Grotto.
grottowelcome
↓
99abb9e6-6e51-4aa9-b11d-f15ff2d67f37.gif
Ah. The Grotto.
grotto
↓
b099c927-f645-4bc5-85b9-08ca545387a9.gif
Upon entering, one wonders which of the five senses
enteringfivesenseswonders
↓
4d6da705-7b6d-4250-9785-ea21440d6259.gif
is most brutally violated.
brutallyviolated
↓
340c4e57-9290-4d61-9bcd-ef2cf4fe6de1.gif
Did you have a nice drive up?
drive
↓
514762ce-febc-4473-8f37-3b229cb3e820.gif
Sight and smell immediately burst into the lead
burstimmediatelyleadsightsmell
↓
0b9ef96f-d7c4-4d6a-846c-2fce734f5023.gif
as the obsequious innkeeper offers his sweaty slab of a hand
handoffersslabsweaty
↓
f6ec31f1-9b89-47c9-a1e7-0c25bb25df00.gif
like a bear taught to be friendly in hopes of a sugar cube.
bearcubefriendlyhopessugartaught
↓
ce0a2b91-0d13-4d50-a8fe-944a3ba7965d.gif
Mr. Cutler, if you would just--
↓
b4130d74-a618-46dc-aacf-a355b7205398.gif
And the pleading vultures immediately begin to circle.
begincircleimmediatelypleadingvultures
↓
e73ec8dd-d394-477a-8a46-cf7f16532305.gif
Their outlet mall attire creating such a vortex of misery
creatingmallmiseryoutlet
↓
7197014b-fe06-40e1-ba8e-2e5bbe430e40.gif
that one loses the strength to even ask for a parking validation.
losesparkingstrengthvalidation
↓
25dc7d63-98cf-44da-bc3e-7cccc066d5f5.gif
I'll take that for you, sir.
↓
049d159a-7af1-4123-b121-52cd759371a8.gif
In a pathetic nod to diversity, they trot out the token native employee.
diversityemployeenativepathetictokentrot
↓
0e3c58cd-da5d-4733-9665-8166741ebc41.gif
Uh... That's my wife.
wife
↓
e8204beb-0d52-4fdf-adaa-40c76b21078b.gif
Not content to merely ruin the vacations of a single generation,
contentgenerationmerelyruinsinglevacations
↓
5837957c-9e6f-42ba-b439-77dbb6c07fcf.gif
some of the employees decide to mate and breed.
breeddecideemployeesmate
↓
c1fc3f29-f94b-415a-8d68-7cb457fe1712.gif
The mind reels, the thought of an endless stream
endlessmindstream
↓
63014746-4ec4-4015-9cd9-5cda8f233d8d.gif
of baboon-like hoteliers spewed out of the loins of the...
baboonloins
↓
8263c59c-aea3-404c-8f81-66005bbcaa08.gif
Otto, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened.
happenedotto
↓
a66ad948-b73a-4870-ab4b-e5ab4baff652.gif
- It was someone else was punching him. - Yeah, it was me.
punching
↓
98ad529f-db5c-47c3-a73f-c5d88affb9b3.gif
Here's some of his hair if you need to put it on ice or something.
hair
↓
692bacf2-72fd-49f4-b14c-f02ef042a82d.gif
One recalls fiercer butt-kickings meted out on a preschool playground.
buttplaygroundpreschool
↓
b00d4bba-45ec-43ef-98aa-167d02f7d7f9.gif
The wounds are superficial, the bruising patterns unpersuasive.
patternssuperficialwounds
↓
32781419-ad25-46bc-8abe-edb954c07fe1.gif
And never before has one seen such a grotesque ceiling.
ceilinggrotesqueseen
↓
f3f577e7-a1a7-45c1-af09-3f6da72f5a0f.gif
And frankly, blue is not your...
bluefrankly
↓
a9735cee-cc44-4625-b15e-89ddd62f5cf5.gif
Hey, there's Mr. Curtis.
↓
e9b5e994-4d96-4426-945b-3d32c90886d2.gif
See? He's using Pete the muffin guy as a human shield.
humanmuffinpeteshieldusing
↓
3eee0155-95d4-4107-8e70-4841d6793f78.gif
Come on. There's just a pair of socks in there.
pairsocks
↓
06d0e21d-f4bf-4171-8813-f86940c7c49f.gif
What are you doing?
↓
d920f63e-93fa-4daa-bfe5-8abfe67c1420.gif
Oh, my God.
↓
989dbed4-d4e4-4f2e-8ec4-1ff781c13b1a.gif
Look at all this money.
money
↓
1ce20f0a-28ed-4c2a-a5a5-77145bfb74ef.gif
Hal, when did you hide this in here?
hide
↓
e847e60b-96ef-40a2-bd34-e4dab55d6853.gif
I don't remember.
remember
↓
ab385137-a6e3-4045-969c-48b7f5f720d7.gif
It must have been years ago.
mustyears
↓
388e5c53-177b-4673-8a9a-6929cd67080e.gif
Is this my Jet Ski fund?
fund
↓
a81fd503-0b7c-4841-97e6-0adfcd878ccc.gif
No, no. We used that to get the remote control out of Reese.
controlreeseremoteused
↓
d3df10b1-9eab-4c20-975e-3bf0fa367d91.gif
There's gotta be like a thousand dollars!
dollarsthousandthousand-dollars
↓
245a0056-ddcd-4b18-9a1e-800d26962b1e.gif
1,473.
↓
27988376-a0ef-478b-9972-7f17e1c034e1.gif
Who cares what it's from? Thank God it's here.
cares
↓
390009cf-0b80-4888-bf50-49735707f2e6.gif
You're a part of this moment, son.
momentpart
↓
fad56422-181e-4a3c-9cba-fbd51041a892.gif
Here, buy yourself a pack of baseball cards.
baseballcardspack
↓
8e8b9f97-39b7-4337-bbf7-79b76d8c7d9c.gif
Ow.
↓
78bfcc5b-26fc-4a6e-a5e0-dfb941dbc325.gif
Why'd you do that?
whyd
↓
eb260326-a296-40b1-829b-250ff8caf30e.gif
Why you do that?
↓
05f7517c-cfea-4e47-9d58-84253fbb646a.gif
Fight, fight, fight.
fightfight-fightfight-fight-fight
↓
7a467130-0c56-4cb9-8a57-23828bbb37de.gif
Fight, fight, fight! Fight, fight, fight!
fightfight-fightfight-fight-fight
↓
0cf6a946-4dd4-4929-8acf-9041fb2728ee.gif
Animals.
animals
↓
0e052bd0-3fc0-4415-bde4-b1971fa64d63.gif
Fight, fight, fight!
fightfight-fightfight-fight-fight
↓
42fc5ab1-4d1e-477c-8543-53212d6b3815.gif
Hello, North High students. This is Malcolm.
malcolmnorthstudents
↓
c70fd17c-4683-4ee7-a14c-49213c06b019.gif
You all know the horrible thing I did to my brother Reese.
brotherhorriblereese
↓
aa2cab93-d74c-4cfa-9002-b3a41b98be92.gif
And I'd like to publicly apologize for turning him into a laughingstock.
apologizepubliclyturning
↓
c3812df4-3664-408a-9505-8b23a977cd5e.gif
I should never have exposed his secrets.
exposedsecrets
↓
5846d336-9adf-4f92-8e9c-cd203001c009.gif
And I can't turn back time.
↓
b029c07b-5724-4dd1-a081-10d008519bc3.gif
I can, however, level the playing field.
fieldlevelplayingplaying-field
↓
7564b96d-f5b9-41f3-90ef-49be97f9d050.gif
I have been having impure thoughts about Shirley the lunch lady.
havingladylunchshirleythoughts
↓
cd96c5d2-c5ba-4474-a73f-31b648196c3b.gif
Last month, I caught a glimpse of her cleavage
caughtglimpsemonth
↓
8be29b63-853c-4b06-bc92-d0dff78bb6aa.gif
and I've been fantasizing about her ever since.
fantasizing
↓
cde9d91d-80ca-4e65-b3bb-ffc25edb94d8.gif
And now that I've admitted that,
admitted
↓
7a705cfb-f4c0-4aa2-98ff-4cd183b319d2.gif
I'm just as big a laughingstock as he is.
↓
88464d49-7f56-4d87-9db3-b21298a06475.gif
Unfortunately, that doesn't protect him from the rest of the school.
protectrestschoolunfortunately
↓
5d003c1c-a0e3-47a6-8564-3cd60063824b.gif
So, I'm forced to bring everyone down to our level.
bringforcedlevel
↓
87c4037f-a804-46fa-bcb3-1fa1587eda0c.gif
Let's take a look at everyone's permanent records.
everyonespermanentrecords
↓
e64b62ba-3d9b-4a38-8c9d-0f01eb02ff3d.gif
First up, David Abernathy.
david
↓
ccb60672-6452-4ae1-ac5a-053b0c0b3c23.gif
He wasn't on a construction crew this summer.
constructionconstruction-crewcrewsummer
↓
43ac4131-9ecd-4c18-a35a-d3522fb1d547.gif
He was in theater camp.
camptheater
↓
6f0a5ddc-4850-4f91-93f7-3e8813e88e45.gif
Cheryl Adams
adamscheryl
↓
bf7edfc7-f6fb-4535-9095-44913273acb9.gif
is excused from gym this week because her herpes is flaring up.
excusedherpesweek
↓
ffe6ab96-9368-437f-8a1e-c1a72074a003.gif
Charlie Agnew wets his bed every night during finals.
charliefinalsnightwets
↓
a8869ce8-2c7d-46fc-9e83-45a9e455bedc.gif
Leslie Albert forged her parents' signatures to get a nose job.
albertforgedleslienoseparents
↓
4d0f86bb-6f1f-44a7-ad57-f925a096081a.gif
Mr. Zyzyx, I'd say we have a half an hour to erase everything on your hard drive.
driveerasehalfhardhard-drivehour
↓
5c531f58-ac08-443f-b72d-e83539d67349.gif
James Allen...
allenjames
↓
e1211f8a-e778-4da8-b6f6-08babc5dc23a.gif
James Allen, he likes to eat his...
allenjameslikes
↓
a9f2fc13-316e-486e-b51a-393cfa9772e9.gif
- What's all this? - Did you see the paper? It is wonderful.
paper
↓
465d93a1-2376-45cd-8324-b9d35c55825b.gif
He actually gave us a good review?
review
↓
515ee6d0-72a2-427d-b4e9-96225693d841.gif
There is no review.
review
↓
c8695a6b-bfa7-45fe-a7e5-7a34bf42cb8d.gif
They bumped it for a much more interesting story.
bumpedinterestingstory
↓
323e004b-3492-40c7-8eef-d0c7d41b3970.gif
- "Crazed local attacks reviewer?" - But what's with all the flowers?
attackscrazedflowerslocal
↓
74e5e9a9-ff3d-4254-a644-08f3a297d273.gif
They are thank-yous from restaurants and hotels
hotelsrestaurantsyous
↓
7ab8ee62-cfee-43a1-8c30-901b0143c489.gif
and art galleries.
↓
73ed6d43-ce80-4fed-bc80-cc97f4647a4e.gif
Charles Cutler is the most hated man in the state.
charleshatedstate
↓
2bb80b63-17bf-4ba7-b367-90dd47d40f6e.gif
And look at these room reservations.
reservationsroom
↓
e05f93a6-36f3-4dbd-bfeb-99d56ac58af9.gif
Other hotels have sent us their overflow.
hotelssent
↓
6fa23d2d-2f0a-46e0-93bd-ae0643d810d5.gif
We are booked solid through May!
bookedsolid
↓
e5491aa0-1c9a-46c1-82df-b737fb6eaa99.gif
I can't believe this guy. He actually reviewed the hospital.
believehospitalreviewed
↓
11de423f-c30a-4c19-942e-fc8f85af82f2.gif
Oh, yeah, it sounds terrible.
sounds
↓
bd32ea76-6389-4131-83d3-4a2ba818d544.gif
I'm never going there.
↓
0989ae80-ee22-4542-9054-adf9cba2fdf1.gif
If you overload it, you'll burn out the motor.
burnmotor
↓
5c0853a5-59da-4d57-b1f7-683cb68148cd.gif
You're only supposed to use two caps of--
capssupposed
↓
1e5132fc-4417-4f3d-a9da-9948e0fafdec.gif
Aw, just let me do it.
↓
8129061d-e130-4cc4-90f7-e0eaf38761e2.gif
Well, I served my three-week suspension,
servedsuspensionthreeweekweek-suspension
↓
724fb8fa-028f-4169-8efd-222bd7c0bc7d.gif
and I gotta say, things have really changed.
changed
↓
ee617308-6b83-4f62-a76c-afbf540266a4.gif
I think I might have created the most polite high school in America.
americacreatedmightpoliteschool
↓
cca51ec4-74e5-4a56-84ef-63825dd1bc8d.gif
For the most part.
part
↓
9c9f3e8c-cbb1-430c-85ed-1a964b5112ee.gif
Hey, plagiarizer.
↓
3068f7b3-97f4-4d51-a437-266803ff024f.gif
Hey, pukes-after-she-eats.
eats
↓
cb0aafec-3344-4577-8b92-953789cf17b7.gif
Hey, dad-had-a-breakdown because-mom-went-lesbian.
breakdownlesbian
↓
9149ab4f-a348-4994-9afd-7c47e585e567.gif
He actually has an amazing memory for this kind of stuff.
amazingmemorystuff