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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S03E15 — Hal's Birthday

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 3, Episode 15 — Hal's Birthday

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Hal's Birthday
Air date: March 03, 2002
Director: Levie Isaacks
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
The arrival of Francis's new bride on Hal's birthday sparks a fray that drives the younger siblings out---and into a posh hotel.
Source: TMDB
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Fine! I'll go to parent-teacher night.
nightparentparent-teacherteacher
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♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
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♪ I don't know ♪
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♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
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♪ Life is unfair ♪
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Hello?
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When you gonna lick the bricks?
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I want you to be able to lick the bricks.
ablebrickslick
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I'll lick the bricks right now.
brickslick
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All right, all right.
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- Cool. - That's not even the best part.
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We get the handicapped seats in the front.
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What? You wanna go tomorrow?
tomorrow
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Yeah. Why not?
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Our punishment's over tonight.
punishmentstonight
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Think we might have something planned for tomorrow?
mightplannedtomorrow
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Yeah. The Demolition Derby.
derby
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- Oh. - We talked about this!
talked
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- That could be our present. - You're not going anywhere!
present
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I have something very special planned.
plannedspecial
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- Like what? - It's none of your business.
business
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I'm okay with the present system.
presentsystem
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Get back to work.
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I'm not okay with the present system.
presentsystem
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How does she make me say things like that?
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- Oh, my God. - What is it?
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Francis is coming home.
comingcoming-homefrancishome
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- Really? - You're kidding.
kidding
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No, this is his itinerary.
itinerary
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His flight gets in tomorrow.
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I hope this doesn't ruin Mom's special plan.
hopemomsplanruinspecial
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This is Mom's special plan.
momsplanspecial
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Why didn't she tell us?
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Because it's a surprise for Dad.
surprise
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And if we blow her secret, Mom is gonna kill us.
blowkillsecret
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So, we need to keep our mouths shut and finish our work.
finishmouths
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Right.
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Come on, Dewey, you call this clean?
cleandewey
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♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
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♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
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♪ Happy birthday, dear Dad ♪
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♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
birthdayhappyhappy-birthday
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Don't touch that dial. We'll be right back.
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You've never seen anything like this before.
seen
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The Demolition Derby comes to the fairground tonight at 8:00.
comesderbytonight
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See Dr. Bob Edwards and his '76 Impala station wagon.
edwardsstationwagon
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Oh, damn, destruction, mayhem, big cash prizes.
cashdestructionmayhemprizes
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- Winner takes home $150! - Minus entry fee.
entryhomeminustakeswinner
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- Wagering prohibited on the fairgrounds. - Come if you dare!
dareprohibited
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This is so unfair.
unfair
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Dad has tons of birthdays,
birthdaystons
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but there's only one Demolition Derby.
derby
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We never get to do anything good.
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Well, at least Francis will be here.
francisleast
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...and his '76 Impala station wagon.
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Oh, damn--
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Ah.
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Not bad.
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Still have a little snap in my skin.
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For the love of God,
love
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what did you do to me?
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What do you mean?
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All those sit-ups I did, all those miles I ran every morning,
milesmorning
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and this is how you repay me?
repay
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By looking like hell?
looking
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You think I look bad?
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Please.
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The crow's feet, the turkey neck?
crowscrows-feetfeetneckturkey
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Okay, a few years have gone by, there's...
goneyears
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been a little wear and tear.
tearwear
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Wear and tear?
tearwear
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You look like a puppet of yourself made out of cottage cheese!
cheesecottagepuppet
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What are you talking about? Check out the pant melons.
checkpant
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They still do the trick.
trick
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Well, sure, it's magnificent.
magnificent
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But you won't be able to coast on that forever.
ablecoastforever
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I postdate checks to the power company all the time.
checkscompanypower
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Why is that suddenly such a big deal?
dealsuddenly
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Look, I'm a little short this month because I spent a lot of money
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to surprise my husband for his birthday.
birthdayhusbandsurprise
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But next month...
month
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No, it was a special circumstance.
circumstancespecial
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Look, can I speak with your supervisor?
speaksupervisor
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No, don't put me on ho--
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- Damn. - Oops. Let me get those.
oops
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Oh, there's one.
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Yes, I'm still holding.
holding
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Do you have to stay on the phone?
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Hal, give me a minute. They're threatening to cut off the power.
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It's a 24-hour number, you can call them back.
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- No, I can't! - Yes, you can!
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There was a time when I didn't have to ask for your attention.
attention
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What? Yes, I'm still--
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I wanted the supervisor!
supervisorwanted
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A man likes to be noticed when he walks in a room, Lois!
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Boys, would you leave the room so your father and I can talk?
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No!
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Excuse me?
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I'm not leaving.
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You guys just chase us out
chase
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whenever you want without even asking us!
asking
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I'm getting tired of it!
tired
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Watching TV is the only thing to do in this house
housewatching
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that's actually fun!
fun
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So, you're left with two choices!
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You can either fight somewhere else
fight
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or get us a TV for our room!
room
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There's no reasoning with that woman.
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I thought you made some good points.
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Doesn't matter, she doesn't listen.
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It's like talking to a wall.
wall
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Hey, that's what we're doing.
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Just relax,
relax
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it's only for a couple of hours.
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When Francis gets home, they'll forget all about it.
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We can get through this.
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We've been waiting for 20 minutes, Lois. When can we eat?
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Hal, we have to wait for the ice cream to loosen up.
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You know you like it soft.
soft
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- No, I don't. - Yes, you do.
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- Since when? - Since yesterday.
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What are you talking about?
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Thank God!
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- Come on, Hal. - What?
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What are you doing?
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Giving you your present.
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Ta-da!
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Happy birthday, Dad!
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- Francis! - Oh, my God, it's Francis!
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Oh, look at you.
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Come here.
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I can't believe it.
believe
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How long are you staying?
staying
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A few days. You surprised?
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Surprised? I'm in shock!
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You should be. I've been planning this for months!
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- Thank you. - Happy birthday, honey.
birthdayhappyhappy-birthdayhoney
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Well, hold on, I got another surprise for you.
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Everybody, this is Piama.
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She's my wife.
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We're married.
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Hi.
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I was gonna tell you over the phone and then I thought,
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why not bring her down here and surprise you in person?
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- What do you mean, you're married? - Piama and I are husband and wife.
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We got married last week.
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Last week?
week
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Francis, who is this woman?
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She's my wife.
wife
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Her name is Piama.
namepiama
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Hello.
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Well, come on, isn't anyone gonna congratulate us?
congratulate
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- What? - For getting married.
married
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That's what families do.
families
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I think I'm gonna be sick.
sick
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Come on, Mom. You can at least try and be and happy for me.
happyleast
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I'm sorry, Francis.
francis
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This is a hell of a thing to dump in my lap on your father's birthday!
birthdaydumpfathers
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Yeah, it's all about you, Mom.
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Excuse me for thinking that
excusethinking
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my family would be excited to meet my wife.
excitedfamilymeetwife
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I can't believe you guys!
believe
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Come on, Francis, it's not their fault.
faultfrancis
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What'd you expect?
expectwhatd
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You could've called ahead of time.
aheadcalledcouldve
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Boys, go to your room!
boysroom
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What? What do you mean? We're on your side.
side
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I said, go!
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How long have you known each other? You never mentioned her.
knownmentioned
↓
6da899f2-0a25-4b5e-994e-833e1e2fa823.gif
I only met her a month ago.
month
↓
8a7f465b-c020-47a2-9ef7-abccfec0df3c.gif
Today. Happy anniversary.
anniversaryhappyhappy-anniversarytoday
↓
ecf512a6-8eb7-4081-af6e-6391e6fbab75.gif
Plus we had the whole bus ride down.
plusridewhole
↓
40fb022d-2a7d-47c4-bb83-1d93b600339e.gif
A month?
month
↓
56149b34-457a-4b74-8b07-88c432d975d3.gif
I misjudged you! You know, come to think of it,
↓
01b8e8e5-c1dd-4a01-af10-91e126e0fc9b.gif
that's the longest you've ever stuck with anything in your life.
lifelongeststuck
↓
3bfd57d5-7a5a-40f0-84c4-2caa1db6e6ca.gif
Congratulations, you outlasted his paper route.
congratulationspaperroute
↓
ccc08ffc-3751-448f-aec0-5dae7332bfb9.gif
Lady, you don't want to stick your hand in my face.
facehandladystick
↓
82020637-9c28-4d1a-84bc-b48b82c54103.gif
- Hey, everybody, let's just calm down. - We are calm!
calmeverybody
↓
940c4e59-8eaf-42a2-937e-a1e2d9732fe0.gif
It's Mom's who's flipping out!
flippingmoms
↓
1ace1c89-7c35-437f-83de-0cf9bc7a4810.gif
Oh, Francis, I haven't even started to flip out!
flipfrancisstarted
↓
0c734444-139b-423e-b908-cf4505e28844.gif
Why can't you just be happy?
happy
↓
a7c6dcf8-bb76-4002-b6bc-cb193460fa9f.gif
We're supposed to be happy?
happysupposed
↓
80683d45-1dad-43a2-8ad3-f521e7df34b8.gif
When you repay us like this after all we've done for you?
repay
↓
2c50dfeb-8e8a-4d75-9c38-2ec8dd7df5a5.gif
I'm confused!
confused
↓
40b8d76a-7d9b-4459-b36a-e43ab5838f55.gif
Are we talking about the years of psychological abuse
abusepsychologicalyears
↓
7757bf55-3a0e-4d47-8525-9c7ae3cee821.gif
or shipping me off to military school?
militarymilitary-schoolschoolshipping
↓
2a6b602a-bbcf-408a-b237-ee2b2a727b0a.gif
This family sucks.
familysucks
↓
c3de320c-2fe5-45c9-b75a-dcbc3bca4b6a.gif
They don't care about us,
care
↓
6da24fb9-eb95-4e8f-ba38-4ddc7c39087d.gif
they don't listen to us.
↓
318dc3b2-de76-4bee-bd48-6fb3bf8c713d.gif
Let's get out of here.
↓
8fb1979d-3b33-4626-a184-cfb71a3ca8ee.gif
To the Demolition Derby?
derby
↓
906dedb4-5448-494c-950c-8e84025265ab.gif
No, I mean, let's really get out of here and get away from these people.
↓
7879fe3d-559e-4847-983c-d74390a2e00a.gif
Where are we gonna go?
↓
68b35b48-0273-4dc5-84a0-0e408f1ac2ce.gif
Wherever this takes us.
takes
↓
4d718cae-27aa-4b67-9713-49282070cd87.gif
I snagged it out of Dad's wallet this morning.
dadsmorningwallet
↓
7ed441b1-06fb-4e6c-9eb2-2360d4347263.gif
You knew were gonna need it tonight?
tonight
↓
9d60f9c5-e2b5-443b-8bc5-11990aa82686.gif
- Uh, yeah. - I'm in.
↓
ac3a712e-5f37-4d8b-963b-15acbdbbdd21.gif
- Yeah, but... - ...stomp it into pulp
pulpstomp
↓
2f98efa2-28ce-48a3-a237-fa3c2fff8e80.gif
- and throw it in the trash! - Why do I even try?
throwtrash
↓
faf665a3-299c-4635-950f-4fe6de4ffb90.gif
You've been nothing but a problem since the day
problem
↓
9e5adca8-7db2-4ab4-bd89-e1a6a0841873.gif
- you were born! - Let's go.
born
↓
95f1b521-f976-4ade-93f7-f09f9b6ffbbc.gif
He's trying to explain it to you,
explain
↓
06ffbf4a-f5c7-4c15-baaa-53f56108c8d2.gif
if you'd listen to him for once!
↓
437dc525-48d7-4fef-8291-c019704edbbc.gif
Why are you talking?
↓
29c6383b-84db-4f5d-ba94-680c43014cfe.gif
Why are you talking?
↓
e6935580-6a45-466c-8bde-d9ff57532209.gif
Can we just stop this?
↓
ada6dd7e-ed5e-4c15-a20a-e2275e4e26b0.gif
Let's get in the car and go for a drive to cool off.
cooldrive
↓
f0340b60-8dbb-46d3-9215-3b60c61d6898.gif
We can still have a nice birthday party.
birthdaybirthday-partyparty
↓
40e414d3-57d2-4657-a4f4-5f39975957e5.gif
Oh, we are long past having a nice birthday party!
birthdaybirthday-partyhavingpartypast
↓
a0337c1d-b9fb-4c8a-b8ad-16047bb6af15.gif
As usual,
usual
↓
b68ae41d-d96e-43e8-86f1-e8a2920d78a6.gif
Francis has taken something that should've been sweet and ruined it!
francisruinedshouldvesweettaken
↓
c3c31400-2ed6-4c72-a804-cc2aded50625.gif
Don't pin this on me,
↓
365378e8-fa6d-446b-b7f8-a22b2ec4ad42.gif
I'm completely willing to have a party right now!
completelypartywilling
↓
a0adbcb9-c513-46e7-a20a-6ec7bafb916f.gif
Oh, you want to have a party?
party
↓
4d175cf3-de72-48c3-9737-69de767ab0e7.gif
Happy damn birthday!
birthdayhappy
↓
6240c3d0-3486-4554-80ca-de5ec7152287.gif
Hey, why don't we all have some cake?
cake
↓
936d3172-4807-4390-a5a6-702677b52eac.gif
We don't want to be a part of this family anymore, so we're leaving.
anymorefamilyleavingpart
↓
cc481a03-c5f3-4fb8-886c-4964149de946.gif
Oh, great, Mom, here we go with the dramatics!
↓
bb3e9186-193a-4a65-8e09-aafcde4cbeec.gif
Who else wants cake?
cakewants
↓
6f173cbe-464e-4ba3-9582-2a7fd4cd2b04.gif
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
welcome
↓
8aab6c51-3ee2-4f86-a47b-0cd8dfdffe0e.gif
Who wants some delicious damn cake?
cakedeliciouswants
↓
57912201-7ee2-4404-872b-fdbfd63ce5ed.gif
Can Piama have a rose?
piamarose
↓
fea9241d-292d-4e2a-9b5d-742f9e9da096.gif
Why not? There's plenty to go around!
plenty
↓
ecec8dd8-20ae-471d-9d76-6ebf5c5e0dbd.gif
I'm the one who broke the ice maker last year!
brokemaker
↓
6f011b97-8d0b-4846-8e54-f4f7fa0c9f74.gif
Why do you have to ruin everything?
ruin
↓
3fe74d30-acdf-47ff-b38d-cd250a5da0d6.gif
Well, I learned from the best, Mom!
bestlearned
↓
1260f928-59fb-4475-8232-8887b6f269f7.gif
Wow, I've never been in a hotel this fancy before.
fancyhotel
↓
fa92596a-5dc3-4e23-b56f-6cd5b301e8c4.gif
This isn't a hotel, Dewey, it's our new home.
deweyhomehotel
↓
11e960c2-684d-441a-addb-219c2513a4ff.gif
Okay, let me do all the talking.
↓
15159ef8-5419-4ff2-8049-d7e7a08c0b7a.gif
Thank you.
↓
a70ac3d3-5d61-44a0-a234-75c60e8fb45f.gif
- May I help you? - My dad called in a reservation.
calledreservation
↓
50df4e9e-9b53-4852-8f08-817a7d35d559.gif
Okay.
↓
3e15972e-43e9-4f2e-b3ef-b8627e483b1f.gif
There you are.
↓
4e55707b-3ac0-46e8-9ef8-d5be2728ab11.gif
As soon as your dad signs this, you're all set.
signs
↓
2ed96677-ce7f-49b2-aaf3-ba30c2a00bc2.gif
Oh. He's out at the car, but we can take care of it.
care
↓
7b6883c6-30fa-460c-97a6-dff3de59d1ed.gif
Maybe you wanna have a seat and we'll wait for your dad.
seat
↓
b9a852ad-3478-4b4f-ae52-273048180114.gif
Is there any way we could we speed this along?
alongspeed
↓
1da4ce6a-838f-441c-ac94-369d609ba53f.gif
My little brother isn't feeling very well.
brotherfeeling
↓
2c64156d-9611-4db6-af6c-7e3549097130.gif
My dad's gonna be a while out there.
dads
↓
e4dc345f-7fa9-41ef-934b-b37493acae52.gif
He's cleaning the car where Dewey got sick.
cleaningdeweysick
↓
19794b35-e9a9-413f-b9dd-4765407984bd.gif
I'm sorry, but an adult needs to sign for the room.
adultneedsroomsign
↓
c5a438a5-583c-4cca-9ea3-f1fc4138bcf0.gif
Look, he's really sick.
sick
↓
2645b757-a1da-4b00-80c6-41c2c5cd2898.gif
He could blow any second.
blowsecond
↓
dafa16c6-a27d-4e36-b7e3-ea64e1347f36.gif
He doesn't look that sick to me.
sick
↓
2417c605-120d-404b-b3ea-91624e8bdc4b.gif
Dewey, that was amazing.
amazingdewey
↓
d1676cd2-4c75-4d13-be13-70dc0ad16dc1.gif
They ran out of barf dust.
barfdust
↓
0a072d16-39a0-433c-876b-65e504b3cfe0.gif
I'm hungry.
hungry
↓
5dee7d27-ee9a-4dc3-b046-97363421e14f.gif
I bet you are.
↓
783b7e49-4c58-49b2-ab5b-c3ad8255ebd2.gif
How do you guys want your steaks?
steaks
↓
ed76b0a1-112f-4624-b18c-75ddfd7e907b.gif
Should we look in the park?
park
↓
83171891-eb40-4c26-8d85-380174641698.gif
No, nobody goes there any more since they put the lights in.
lightsnobody
↓
f273436c-e4cd-4ba8-bec0-207e7d2c81f4.gif
Oh.
↓
24469e50-6d85-4138-8911-4195919f8cb3.gif
Why didn't you tell us you were getting married?
married
↓
710d5f2c-79f5-4383-9bed-d1a40dc863ee.gif
It just happened kind of fast.
fasthappened
↓
6fdbc5d6-cfaf-43e8-90f4-991ee74d699b.gif
How can you know anyone in a month?
month
↓
c775f298-b87c-47c8-a44c-cbc7bdd94d15.gif
Dad, I knew in a minute.
minute
↓
1933bb58-329a-46e5-b82a-d508a0372ce6.gif
Trust me, Piama is the one.
piamatrust
↓
c1e6750c-7648-4878-b90c-c3cf5a1d4d04.gif
She's a little fiery,
fiery
↓
7d5c1f95-6f96-4d0f-9e79-1b25260b84f4.gif
but she's also kind and funny and completely real.
completelyfunnyreal
↓
70760b56-4010-4859-a79f-6b335f783ad3.gif
You just haven't gotten to know the real Piama.
gottenpiamareal
↓
288c8485-d989-4077-a2b1-cf7ce436c52c.gif
And whose fault is that?
fault
↓
78c91bba-0612-4516-a5d6-09a29fbd5b42.gif
I know, I know, but that's why I brought her with me,
brought
↓
07fe8b7b-f07c-45ac-99a7-2fbd9afc9d32.gif
so you'd all get to know her.
↓
46d9f44f-89f5-43a1-8e07-e5bfdd277de1.gif
It wasn't supposed to turn into the apocalypse.
apocalypsesupposed
↓
c4a12412-5f4e-4d6f-9c29-196ac364684a.gif
And what about you and Mom?
↓
5a8b6b35-f458-4635-866e-eef5a8b612cc.gif
You got married pretty quick.
marriedquick
↓
2c2dc4f2-ad5a-4ac6-90eb-802161e13f36.gif
Yes, but I was a few years older,
olderyears
↓
28f6ad57-7edf-4912-9ed0-e7d1d8439187.gif
I'd already been with a lot of--
↓
fe38fb97-e79f-42af-805f-abe721f8392a.gif
- I had lived a full life. - So, you were older.
fullfull-lifelifelivedolder
↓
847af9e2-312c-4ba0-89ab-9bd7dacad767.gif
I just happened to run into the exact right person for me
exacthappenedperson
↓
0030f9bf-6e49-40ec-91a9-a4d3dfa3987c.gif
a little earlier than you did.
↓
5efb1dcc-a239-4999-9987-8e039693b51c.gif
Once you meet that person, why wait?
meetperson
↓
cb966c03-ba43-4221-a8a7-cdc7c68e6fb7.gif
Huh? Why not do it if I'm sure?
↓
ecc736d9-edef-403e-b3b9-bdee1c880a77.gif
Should I not do it because my family's not sure?
familys
↓
07a98159-d7a8-4a4b-ba56-3173ed4edad8.gif
It wouldn't matter if the wedding was last week
matterweddingweek
↓
dfb6419e-ac04-427c-ad6b-6b7a9cfab0b5.gif
or next week or ten years from now,
weekyears
↓
4f834228-c465-44a5-adbf-188a04d824bd.gif
you and Mom still would've had a problem with it.
problemwouldve
↓
7cc619a2-1c02-49d5-8805-1f51d53c9e97.gif
- All my life-- - I would've come, Francis.
francislifewouldve
↓
a41247d7-7f0e-4f4f-9277-22a95562e6dc.gif
What?
↓
d9b03c0e-04ee-494a-bbf2-f2e4a16d9e4e.gif
- If you had invited me, I would've come. - No, you--
invitedwouldve
↓
ae18074c-540b-46e1-867d-4ef8665d05e8.gif
I'm sorry.
↓
8b48430f-8a3a-4c77-920d-66a6b621ca45.gif
Didn't I tell you flowers were a great idea?
flowersidea
↓
a1b4ad49-73bd-43fc-a759-8f4d280eeae8.gif
Okay, we're all set.
↓
df2f10ec-33d5-4411-82ae-d3c3678a6800.gif
You have the Plaza burger, the Maine lobster,
burgerlobstermaine
↓
65772b2e-52dd-4797-bea0-10e07e16df7c.gif
medium rare porterhouse, large platter of French fries,
frenchfrench-friesfriesmediumplatterporterhouserare
↓
c3c125d0-a58e-4aa6-bbf5-8d738ad0e055.gif
and, uh, complete dessert cart.
cartcompletedessert
↓
9ca34fb2-1871-43ff-91bf-18cf409dfef1.gif
Your parents have an interesting taste in food.
foodinterestingparentstaste
↓
0af42b19-bc2d-4ee2-a2b0-5e592f11daa6.gif
Yeah, they do.
↓
f6e96393-0817-4255-ac9d-f242c2a65d2c.gif
Actually, I'm gonna need one of your parents to sign that.
parentssign
↓
f65b1527-cdd1-4ccd-a930-d82e0465033c.gif
I left the tip blank, why don't you put in whatever you think is fair?
blankfairleft
↓
ef0327f9-066c-4374-a564-58fa7e9099ce.gif
Bon appetit.
↓
5ef45faa-f52c-4987-8eb5-a828a99a2164.gif
Dewey, your dinner's here!
deweydinners
↓
a4603756-9e3e-44f9-85d5-51b4fedbcbc2.gif
Here you go, Reese.
reese
↓
b8191a5f-2a66-4312-a191-404f80dad618.gif
Thank you, Malcolm.
malcolm
↓
b236ceb1-99f3-4451-a4d7-fbe6e79d0a65.gif
So, this is what a $24 hamburger looks like.
hamburger
↓
1fe1d77e-b049-4e4c-95d3-96ada68cd7d2.gif
I thought it'd be as big as my head.
head
↓
f052e023-e59d-4ddc-8513-a17a68573964.gif
Why don't we have a Jacuzzi tub at home?
homejacuzzi
↓
9675f9fe-18c2-4b61-9f24-2ba1384309cf.gif
Because that would make us happy.
happy
↓
f583e4bf-2f09-49de-9c93-826afb3b02d5.gif
Forget about that place.
forgetplace
↓
c5849209-1a68-4054-95ee-557800ac7f11.gif
- Tonight, this is our home. - You got a lobster?
homelobstertonight
↓
1595fe5e-6fe7-4657-b54d-1df63fc3aa3a.gif
Yes. I think I deserve a lobster.
deservelobster
↓
655ee61b-91cc-4d38-bc25-97d0e6eaca9f.gif
We all deserve something nice for once.
deserve
↓
bc98b1dc-b1a9-48b7-a427-9f8a246b456f.gif
Whoa. This dinner was expensive.
dinnerexpensivewhoa
↓
c84c3ce2-c631-4ad5-a04e-8cc677152ffd.gif
I wonder what Dad's credit limit is.
creditdadslimitwonder
↓
d308bb38-3a33-47ff-8088-e96abe381773.gif
Let's find out.
↓
714a19f5-e764-4468-9249-826450a54634.gif
They should be home with the boys soon.
boyshome
↓
69745dbc-4e7d-4c59-a609-52986771ca9b.gif
How's your tea?
↓
47745e4f-ca83-4e32-ae17-45c6af57cb35.gif
Fine, thank you.
↓
29ae2d03-633f-4895-ad6b-bff87b0f5743.gif
Sugar?
sugar
↓
b75de818-e056-44b2-a46c-c12857e4d242.gif
No, thanks.
thanks
↓
6ac8e935-da6f-4722-ad07-f6842b20e3be.gif
That's a pretty bracelet.
bracelet
↓
aa7c2816-da13-4ced-b10a-a8ffbc876338.gif
Thank you.
↓
6d4212ae-8d6b-40e1-afe2-e5e258811452.gif
- What kind of stone is that? - Turquoise.
stone
↓
193223a0-caaa-450d-878a-b2fbe4eaa592.gif
Francis got it for me.
francis
↓
330557bc-d6f6-4fa8-8ed6-73c770efce40.gif
Oh.
↓
0c6dc874-6056-499b-8f23-d519d5840ef2.gif
How was your flight?
flight
↓
6d1ce736-f627-4795-8e9e-93b5d9dcbdfe.gif
We took the bus.
↓
c55f1cf8-b87e-48cf-8ab2-e6edf4ef2c2e.gif
That's right.
↓
321c3cc5-529f-407d-8c1a-bd1799734bb7.gif
I guess that's what Francis did with the money I sent for his plane fare.
farefrancismoneyplanesent
↓
0b23b4e6-dfb8-477b-b060-fb414f0d84a5.gif
Plus the bracelet.
braceletplus
↓
4adcbb89-a7fc-427e-932c-8196bb4ce6ea.gif
Let's talk about something else.
↓
d8b3e3dd-6c65-4084-9c86-c9783361902b.gif
Francis isn't the screwup you think he is.
francis
↓
112c6856-4ed9-432e-85ac-54b0cb257245.gif
- Really? - Did you know
↓
0394ae6f-1ff6-48ca-959d-a12e17c26cad.gif
he works 16 hours a day at his job?
hoursworks
↓
45bb23bd-5a66-4919-ba9b-efbbd2970c56.gif
And he still built a wheelchair ramp for my Uncle Jake, in fact--
builtfactjakerampunclewheelchair
↓
c18ae45d-0488-4ba2-9be9-1688700be139.gif
I don't think we should talk about Francis.
francis
↓
3ce7eea1-b214-444c-b14a-83a159e5b616.gif
Why not?
↓
aad6af97-01f3-42f1-b1ae-f9e9a8f34d01.gif
He's my husband and your son.
husband
↓
b6179b14-3ead-42d8-8a52-66e816d8fa65.gif
Needless to say, he and I have a very long
needless
↓
ae289a36-55c8-4ad8-85e5-f470274b4879.gif
and complicated history together that I don't feel like explaining to you.
complicatedexplaininghistory
↓
a71b4462-203a-4753-9329-3f477b083165.gif
Admit it,
admit
↓
7b3c6008-9eaf-479e-897e-d7d6d0cfe2fa.gif
you don't like me.
↓
3561eb42-4a36-41f4-967c-f05f57e7dddd.gif
I don't even know you.
↓
21d3690e-5140-4356-9e24-b2124cc5a605.gif
Well, what would you like to know?
↓
178b30e8-4a90-44bd-9809-9895534315f0.gif
I'm 19,
↓
c701c9c4-efdb-43cd-83b7-e517bd0f1ccc.gif
my mom ran off when I was 3, and my dad kicked me out the house
housekicked
↓
af594951-0df3-4e02-9453-b2d3a4f95549.gif
when I was 14 because I threw out his liquor.
liquorthrew
↓
244f431a-6035-4ae7-be03-0840095cbbfe.gif
I've been married once before,
married
↓
fea5742a-df69-455d-8d39-d2737bdec3a5.gif
no kids, thank God.
kids
↓
8af00abe-6179-4dce-9f37-b4544d0f8f7d.gif
And last year I spent three weeks in jail, but it wasn't my fault.
faultjailspentthreethree-weeksweeks
↓
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Will you stop, please?
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You can't stand for someone in your fancy family
familyfancystand
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to marry beneath him.
beneathmarry
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- What? - Just because I'm not all classy like you.
classy
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Classy?
classy
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You think I'm classy?
classy
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Don't laugh at me.
laugh
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I'm sorry, this is a first.
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I hate to break it to you, but I am not classy.
breakclassyhate
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Oh, yeah.
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You know, I guess what you call class,
class
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I call manners.
manners
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I came down here, hoping to get along with you.
alonghoping
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But you're not gonna let that happen.
happen
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You might be surprised at what I'd let happen.
happenmightsurprised
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So...
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what's gonna happen?
happen
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I don't know.
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What is gonna happen?
happen
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Good news.
news
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The boys stole my credit card.
boyscardcreditcredit-cardstole
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We just have to call the credit card company--
cardcompanycreditcredit-card
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- Honey, why don't... - Let me show you my tree house.
honeyhousetree
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About time.
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We called for chocolate syrup, like, 30 minutes ago.
calledchocolateminutessyrup
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Hello, Malcolm.
malcolm
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Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
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Beat it, Vicky.
beatvicky
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- We'll finish the cuffs later. - Okay.
finish
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Okay, boys, get your things, we're going home.
boyshome
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No. We're not going back there.
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Well, you can't stay in this hotel room forever.
foreverhotelhotel-roomroom
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What are you gonna do,
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live under a bridge and steal food out of dumpsters?
bridgedumpstersfoodlivesteal
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I don't know, but we're not going home!
home
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We've had it with the way you treat us, we've had it with all the yelling!
treatyelling
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You are a terrible influence on us.
influence
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All you ever do is scream!
scream
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- And order us around! - There's something wrong with this family!
familyorder
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Families should have some way of communicating besides yelling!
besidescommunicatingfamiliesyelling
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Okay, everybody, calm down.
calmeverybodyeverybody-calm
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I understand what you're saying,
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I am not going to yell,
yell
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I am not going to scream.
scream
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We are capable of talking about this without raising our voices.
capableraisingvoices
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Now, boys, I want you to understand
boys
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I'm sorry about what happened.
happened
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But you have to understand I get a little emotional
emotional
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when I learned that my oldest son
learnedoldest
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was acting like an idiot and throwing his life away.
actingidiotlifethrowing
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Now, that doesn't mean--
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Stop talking about him like that!
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Francis is my heart!
francisheart
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Okay, we're even.
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Everyone's fine, and there's no need for escalation!
everyones
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Isn't it beautiful when things work out?
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I'd say this has gone pretty well.
gone
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I mean, considering we got off to a rocky start.
consideringrockystart
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We couldn't have asked for a better ending.
askedending
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Get your wife out of my sight.
sightwife
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She called you my wife, that's progress.
calledprogresswife
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So Dad's birthday wasn't that bad after all.
birthdaydads
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He got a new back shaver,
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we got to eat cake that was cut by a knife
cakeknife
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and Mom has promised not to yell at us anymore.
anymorepromisedyell
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- Bye, Francis. - Bye, Malcolm.
francismalcolm
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Happy birthday, Dad.
birthdayhappyhappy-birthday
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Thanks, son.
thanks
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Piama.
piama
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Lois.
lois
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Any time you want to finish our little talk...
finish
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I'd like that.
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Maybe I'll come for a visit.
visit
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Maybe I'll come back down here.
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Any time, any place.
place
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- Yeah, yeah. Bye. - Okay. Bye.
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Get back, you little weasel!
weasel
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Reese!
reese
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I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's all my fault.
fault
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I'll clean my room and do all my homework.
cleanhomeworkroom
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We may wanna go back to the old system.
system